A nap and some thinking.

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I just couldn't stay awake the whole day today.  Then again I have been stretching to do what had become a normal day not long ago, or more normal.  I meant to be down by noon but the lack of ability to focus on several things at a time didn't see me to sleep until a bit after 14:00.  I set the alarm for 17:00, hoping to be up in just a few hours.  Good thing I set the alarm, and even then it was tough to pull out.  I will probably be up a bit later tonight.  I reset the alarm back to my 8:00 setting.  And, I will still aim for 5:00-6:00 in my mind.  If I need a nap tomorrow, hopefully by noon.  Otherwise it's like a too late nap snack, throwing sleep supper off.

My girls have their winter coats and they are absolutely delicious to pet.  They do keep themselves pristine, usually, anyway.  But with the longer fur...  YUM!  Sam has already started getting used to being in the cave more.  If it looks good, or if she begs, I try to get her out.  She is such a nature, outdoors, girl that winter really gets on her nerves.  I feel for her, but there is little I can do over what I do.  Sassy?  Winter to summer, spring or fall, she loves being right in here.  Food is easier to catch, there are no mean other cats or animals, the weather is always somewhat moderate, and poppa loves her.  Plus she has learned to be a lap cat and that is good enough, when she isn't hunting flys or chippering about a bird out the window.  She is still a little heavier than Sam, and always will be, but through strict but fair feeding she has lost some of her... excess.  And, yeah, when she is walking on me I notice!  Loved her either way, and really only worked on this for her own good.

I dreamed during the nap, but can't remember exactly.  It may have been about something on my mind, or what is on my mind got confused with it, I am not sure.  This latest "doctor" visit, though, is what either took over the dream or was the dream.  I realized, whatever the case, that almost every new "doctor" hits me with some serious shit about not doing their wishes.  Every one of them, save the last (a P.A., and a reasonable one) tries to clot me over the head for not doing what I am told by "my betters".  Despite the obvious fact that "my betters" are usually wrong from start to stop and only accidentally started treated my real health problem.  This one included giving me information that my medical staff are my employees.  Thanks for the info, doc, but not only did I know that, I have been using that to my best advantage and reasonable medical care for longer than she has probably been practicing as a form of "doc".  I didn't get pissy about it, no need.  Glad she knows her place, if she would only accept it.  Not my problem.

I used to prefer P.A.s and N.P.s (physician assistant/nurse practitioner).  That was back when they understood that they didn't [fucking] know it all.  They used to, to a man or woman, understand some things, like humility, working with patients, and understanding that the drug companies and doctors don't always, or even often, have a real clue.  Now?  Now they, like Zero, think they know it all and think we should just shut up and do what they tell us.  Thankfully, by law and practice, they have been assured that they can't just force us to do what they think is best, despite it not working.  Why am I not seeing psychiatry, she demanded?  As I told her, she ought to know more about heart disease, psychiatry, and know that trying to treat end stage heart disease with psychotropics was a non-starter.  She didn't even blanch.  Probably didn't even get it then.  Fucking Zerobot, too, probably.

Remember folks, Zerocare is based on the very care I am receiving.  So far, though, in the V.A., they can't deny services, like they already are on medicare and medicade, because they don't like that I don't absolutely follow their commands.  I saw my friend told he has a few years to live without a heart valve replacement, but that since he smokes the only surgeon available has refused to service him.  That will only get worse.  For such doctors, the only way to get a better gig eventually is to only have a larger number of positive outcomes.  Which means they will choose who to serve.  And that is as things stand.  Zerocare exacerbates that behavior.  It rewards good outcomes, not service rendered, and hugely.

Oh, but smoking, you say, is bad for you?  I won't say what I want to say.  What I will ask is, isn't being fat, or old, or sick with other conditions, also bad for you?  Do you think it will stop with smokers?  What about you would make a doctor not want to serve you?  My guess is any doctor could find a reason to not serve a lot of people.  Now I will say it.  Piss off, hater.  I have a friend who has pretty much been consigned to die because of your fucking prejudice.  This song is for you!

Yeah... tiger blood.  But... urhm... it's real.  Not winning for it though.  My delusion isn't that grand.