Another day, and maybe a good one.

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Sleep was beautiful.  I might even call it perfect.  I think there were some dreams in there, that drifted in and out.  No recall remains, consciously.  Sometimes notions come to me, though, from whatever happens in there, even when I don't seem to remember.  But the rest was good.  While still a sinner, I have done what I can for my part.  More to do, surely, but there will be until the day I die, on that score and more. It was about 6:00.  I had the alarm set for 10:00, to give some leeway.  Hehe!  I remembered to turn the darned thing off so I don't hear this annoying sound for an hour in the background before it becomes annoying enough for me to locate and tend.  Dang thing anyway.

I woke to a small bit of sorrowful expressions.  A sadness that comes with life and the knowledge of death, and change.  A whole bunch of things came from it, including tears, as I sat reflecting on the notion.  Remember when you graduated highschool? college?  Perhaps when you married?  When changing jobs you liked or held for some time?  Maybe when you moved?  At some point in your life, when you realized you weren't young any more?  Yeah, it was that.  For some reason, I had great empathy for my mother.  I realized, as if seeing the world through her eyes, that pain, for a bit.  This is a sadness that gets heavier with age.  As you lose friends, family - what you had held as precious and certain in your youth and ignorance - as you get closer to death.  Death is a path we all walk alone, even the walk up those gallows steps.

I am mostly over it, once I could figure it out.  It will probably be there for a bit, off and on, until the thing has worked it's way out of my conscious and unconscious tinkering.  I know it more akin to how my mother knows it, if not quite as only a woman can know it.  For I have not just walked those steps, but have seen the rope cinched, even had that lever pulled to various effects include there and back.  I know that for which I write.  There is an odd joy to it, if you go there for the right reasons or in a right state.  But ringed by the sadness, too.  Only hope and faith offer joy, mostly.

Ah, but I have things to do.  Fruit was purchased yesterday, and an orange was had right after feeding the girls.  Perhaps eggs and bacon, or a bagel, in a bit, as well.  They were quite pleased to have a quick breakfast.  I turned the heat up just a tad.  I no longer seem to need it at 80, as I have for weeks.  I can handle 72 to 74, and as I adjust to medicines again, I may be able to put it down to my normal 62-66.  Medicine plays havoc with my system, it seems.

Today?  Nothing fancy.  I can't let distractions get in the way if I want to get things done.  Perhaps a batch of noodles later.  Maybe getting the steam vacuum going on some rugs and figuring out a plan of attack for the living room.  Looking over my bedroom to figure out how best to clean that area would be good.  And, probably, pressure cooking a roast to go with the noodles after they dry, if I get to the noodles.  As well, finding recipes for several planned meals, finding art supplies as they are, and maybe another trip to town for a few odd pieces of art supplies I don't have.  Oh, and I would like to figure out how to... set up my bathroom, for man, or ogre really, ways.  Never mind, just that, when forced to sit by needs and musts my already poor aim goes downhill a great deal and I want to... figure something out for that.   I am amazed at how well my life is opening up, how well I am able to balance things and do things, and how I seem to be figuring out matters that have long vexed me.  I still don't feel the best, but, as I had guessed, I don't need to feel good.  I simply need to be well enough in order to function more fully.  And I am, seemingly, well enough to encroach on the realm of functionality, if not quite well enough to feel good about any of it, or life itself, quite yet.

Got that?  I didn't.  I wrote something.  I just hope half of it is true enough, the grammar and spelling is readable, and...  Never mind.  On to waking up.  Have a good morning.