Crappy night, stupid sleep cycle, but that isn't the end of it.

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What is happening I can't be sure.  It's not sickness, though medicine might be playing some odd part, as with weather.  As the days heat up, I am having difficulty adjusting the thermostat just right.  The days are too hot right until they hit frigid.  I can sense the relative heat out there.  It's already creeping in.  So, perhaps, my schedule is changing as my body chases the cool.  I really do prefer cool.  As does my body... two very different entities, mind you... not always in accord.  Like a magnet, with cool being north, and the seasonal change being a slow magnetic change, I didn't notice this particular, and potent shift.  I have finally nailed down what my seasonal problem is.  It's two-fold.  Light.  But full spectrum lamps don't actually help.  And temperatures, but radiant not "felt"... or natural worldly temps, not what a furnace can offer.  And, really, it is when those are in greatest flux that I have the most problems.  Cold?  I love it.  Heat?  If it is dry I can rise above it, surf it sort of... mostly... if I have a cool cave to escape within as needed.  But this flux leaves everything all crazy and all over the place.  I don't think there is a solution to it.  It must simply be suffered, as with much of life.  King to pauper, knight to lady, life is about suffering what cannot be changed, changing what can be, and attempting to gain the wisdom to know the difference.  My age and health actually aren't large parts of the problem, or yet.  This thing is all it's own.  I wonder if the equator would hold any solutions?  Yeah, for stability.  But also for third-world living.

I think there is much to be said for withstanding suffering.  Look at the nations which live in weather, or seasonal, "paradise", and their lack of advancement.  These places have, and probably never will, advance.  In these nations, when you have eaten, your job is done.  Shade you can find under a tree.  Clothes aren't terribly necessary.  I suppose a hut can be built, if you are bored.  Maybe boats, goes to food.  If food becomes scarce, just kill each other until there isn't a problem with food again.  I suppose you could call these places the fallen gardens of Eden.  That being both a blessing and a curse.  And... all good until iron boats and big boom-booms show up.  Well, honestly, no better or worse than civilized nations, just much simpler... if perhaps a bit more honest, and always imperiled.  Yeah... no.  I'll stick with large landmasses, the four seasons, the Northern Hemisphere, and right proper suffering.

Have you ever noticed, when even a beneficent advanced civilization shows up,  and decides to help?  What it is really about to do is destroy the simplicity, add layers of expectation that are impossible for the locals, steal the good land and pretty women, and take the prime food, water sources, and whatever else could equate to easier living and greater wealth.  Conquistadors are actually better.  They are honest about it, up front.  The others hide guns behind smiling faces and skirts who go out to teach and help the people "transition" (aka social workers).  They even bring law and order which is totally on their side.  Oh, I'm not in to reparations or anti-colonial, at all.  Christ actually... suggested doing just that, and He certainly was not a pacifist, merely a sacrifice in that time.  There are martyrs and their are soldiers of Christ.  Doing His work is simply sometimes... rather bloody.  And we can't always do it well, and abuse the notions from time to time... or often... whole cloth too often.  Still... it's how life goes, and will go, with or without Christian notions.  Rome was similar, as were Khan, Attila, Alexander the Great.  More honestly than modern globalists, but the results were quite similar.   But without Christian notions... the... urhm... resettlements are... much less advantageous to the indigenous.  As we are seeing with globalists. 

Never mind.  As I mentioned, last night was an ugly thing.  Sleep was just stupid, sloppy, and almost more irritating than pleasing.  I woke well enough.  I think I am feeling okay.  I am hoping to grab a shower and get to town, even as late as it is, though I am not sure what I can do.  But... something struck me today.  Like a bolt from the blue, I just became jazzed, juiced, electrified almost literally.  Yum!  It's the feeling, if much more fleeting, like when someone attacks me.  It is walking on the wind.  In those moments, so very rare as they are, that I can carry the world on my shoulders while juggling golden apples and figuring out how to give the world back, all without missing a blink.  It's those moments when body, mind, and soul are at their peak.  Oh, but... lads and lasses... that was a beautiful touching gift from God.  I won't say the corner has been turned.  I will say that I saw the light.  If it is an oncoming train?  It's mine or I will take it.

I have been trying to configure something in my mind.  My mom wants to visit, but when she visits she wants to redo the floor in the kitchen.  I can't do that this year.  Money, energy, time, health, add others, repeat twice for good measure, then take a nap!  No, not this year.  Next spring.  Sometime through this year I will be buying her tickets.  Then I will be saving.  I have no idea, so far, how much it will cost.  I am thinking... oh... $2k -$3k for a humble job, just for components.  I plan on redoing down to and including the sub-flooring.  I would love to redo the cabinetry, but that, if it ever does get done, will have to be homemade, and even that will be expensive just in materials.  I will probably have to redo the flooring under them at the same time.  I can do that one wall at a time in smaller doses, though.  Yeah, I'll need a pit boss and cosponsor... i.e. a nag with some mojo.  Thankfully, for me, if I have someone to track things, a wall of 3/4" plywood isn't beyond my ability to handle.  I am almost two men if someone else is around to help guide at corners or be brains for when brawn has used up that capacity.  However, I don't trust women to these things, so need to make up a plan and keep her to it beforehand.  She's a good whip, not an engineer.  And she might try to slide on things like leveling.  No huh-uh.  No will do.  Perfect, or as perfect as I can get it.

Anyway, yeah... I've figured out that problem.  It was ruminating in my haunted rooms, giving me no peace when it would rise from the mists and attack.  Handled.

This spring and summer is all about getting my shop in order, then redoing the bathroom floor, and finally fitting the water heater and new toilet.  I think I can, I think I can, I... nap?  Did someone say nap?  :p  The spring burn might be just what I need to kick the caboose into prime time.  If I keep on my meds and pack light enough to manage an easy return... it will do just that.  And... it is coming into spring, then summer, not ending and dropping into winter.  I will have little choice but to find my zenith.

Later.