Sun!

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I was folding the first load of laundry.  Watching local news seemed about the only thing to do to help snub the boring task.  Blah, blah, blah, cat's can give you cat scratch fever, blah, blah, crime, blah, crime, blah blah... sun.  What?  The sun, it seems is out, and will be out, but only, possibly until later in the day.  Then another storm moves through.

I had been thinking of waiting for the last load, then doing the dishes, then getting some rack time.  Of course, the "news" is from SLC, so... it might not be the same here.  Being early morning, give or take, here, still, and with the strength of my curtains, I couldn't tell until I opened them.  Ah!  Sun.  Yeah, I think I am going to push on through for a bit, as long as I can or until the sun goes away, or, actually, until I can't stay awake longer.  It looks like a foreign landscape.  I have been so down and it has been gone, to me at least, for so long.  Yes, I will bath in the sun for as long as possible.

A couple of bags of trash and recycling have been tended, the dishes were a bit too hot for my temperament.  Yeah, I can handle heat, I just don't always want to handle it.  The laundry has another... 45 minutes until dry.  One load has gone through and folded or hung.  I still have to put a few things away.  Oh, and breakfast was served.  A touch of the hot sauce worked well with the eggs.

Sometimes I think people believe I don't understand.  And, sure, sometimes I forget.  True.  But I realize I am not up to snuff, especially for society, academic, and other social or business ventures.  Honestly, I am considered an embarrassment.  Don't get all flustered.  I do understand, and try to stay back.  Between being a nobody, provincial, of poor health, and with a questionable mind, plus a bit too much faith, I don't fit in the modern world.  At one time that did bother me.  Finally, I realized, that is what separates some things.  I had to decide if I was going to sell out for what little worldly acclaim I could muster or if I was really going to try to follow God.  God won, or... that is my intent, failings and all.  No, I don't know a chablis from a burgundy.  I don't wear the newest color scheme of tie, pink shirts if that is the mode of the day, or the right socks for fashion's sake.  I don't have $100k in this, and another dozen such investments here and there.  I don't even ski in Veil.  I don't know what is socially acceptable to lie about and what must always be accurate.  I don't believe gold is any more rigged down than it is up, though I would suggest both forces are created by the same powers.  And I don't care what a bunch of self-aggrandizing writers, artists, bureaucrats, doctors, or others believe about themselves, their station in life, me, or God.

But don't take me for a fool.  Not you.  Understand I have chosen other than a neutral business tone with slight variances so as to cut out a stake to claim.  Seriously, do not think I haven't had some serious level of sophistication and worldliness, probably more, in my circles and at my level, than most will know in their own.  Even into my ill health, past several deaths, and ignoring signs and portents.  Then, one day, a call could not be denied and it was followed, as best as I have been able.  Slowly, over decades, I have surrendered much of that and chosen as much of a more humble cloak of reality, in sympathy with my sinful state and in submission to the greatness of God.  If I embarrass you, that is fine.  But you have nothing to worry about, I won't let anyone know we even know each other.  I don't deal with such things anymore.

One thing I do think about though.  If I would embarrass you, what kind of people are you trying to please?  And, if you are trying to please those kinds of people.. just what kind of person are you?  Not for me to answer.  But I needed to settle that in my mind.  I had to ask myself the same questions once.  It can be painful.  Honesty demands it.  My greatest, to this point unwritten, death, to this point, was my death to the world.  But most aren't ready for that.  Making too much money to fool with... letting the notion of it go.  I do understand I just don't agree.

Hmm, sun?  Oh yes.  Sun indeed.  Later.