Alive and quite well.

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I will need time to sort things out.  Thankfully, I have not finished the shows, and purchased a new, inexpensive, set of games.  I do need to sit, rest, think.  But I am out of the health problems.  I simply need some time, days, probably, to heal fully and catch my breath.  An interesting trip.  Dreams became solid, sight became long, understandings unfolded as time and space closed in on nil.  An interesting, if sometimes painful, and confusing, point in existence.  To be aware, in these types of events, is a gift... with a price.  The trip taken, the price paid, a few days in port before I head out to sea again.

I am feeling much better, just drained.  Trying to interpret these things even in my tongue, let alone yours, is not terribly easy, not even always possible.  I know the difficulty of belief.  I share it.  Some aspect of me wishes to believe in what appears to be what is.  What can't be known, or understood, here or there, is difficult to swallow.  Living on the border anyway makes my life quite difficult at times.  Think of those times when you must travel, leaving home, perhaps family, and friends, to a destination and goal that is much sought.  Being home, with family, friends, community, is sweet.  It may lack purpose, it may even become less than all that is hoped.  And being in a place and time where one's purpose can be fulfilled is gratify.  Sure, some things and people are missed, the regularity and surety that is life.  The trip may be a long lonely one, or a simply trip to the office, school, hospital.  Once there, though, the work, demand, purpose, consumes and less of what has been traded is missed.  It is the travel between here and there, this and that, which can be disturbing.  I live there.  For a reason, I suspect, so I abide.  I bite my tongue, I endure, I suffer, I find little and bigger joys.  The closer I get to the middle, the more I suffer.  I am closer to one, or the other, now.  I can rest, and endure, a little easier.

My goal is to make it to town Monday, to do a little touch up shopping, but mostly to see my friend.  He too lives as I do.  Only he has no personal transportation.  I do what I can for him.  And this serves my wants, needs, as well.  A third may be joining our group.  We each have our own limits and variabilities.  We are also all in the same neighborhood.  Closer to the middle than most would wish.  No place to run, no way to hide.  We do see, if each in our own way.  The calculus of time when time is no longer an issue, and yet is the only issue remaining.  No tricks of words can change... some things.

I have seen some of the writing on the wall.  I have written, and corrected, and will ensure, some of it.

After Monday, I hope to begin hitting some of my tasks and chores.  Depending on what Monday takes out of me, Tuesday or Wednesday will see me working on the faucet, and perhaps sanding the work bench and mixing the finish for the wood.  Oh, and I will, while doing that, see if the orbital sander is enough for the porch stanchions.  If not I will be buying a heavier belt sander, and probably a couple of planes and other hand woodworking tools.  Yes, more expensive.  But... with purpose.  And, I will attempt to use all of the tools, too learn, experiment.

Later.