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When I am on the mend, I sometimes merely need to do a crazy Ivan, check the baffles in a fast blind 180 rush into the unknowable. We did it on submarines, I do it in life. It is how some must deal with the unknown, at times, in places. I go to where fears may live, and truths may hurt. It is how my system works. One can't deal with fear and hard truths out there until one has them mastered at home. And, so, I master those that need attention. True or not, only by delving into dark places can I be more sure.
I am doing much better. Hugely better. A bit of rest, yet today. Tomorrow I am pretty sure I can... begin. Life is contemplation married to action. So, while I rest I think. Tomorrow I will act. My sleep schedule is a bit off. I will be working on that while I figure what to do and when this evening. Oh, I should call my friends and see what, where, and when with some things.
Strength is returning. The will to run, work, and play is there, however, first. Lord knows, it feels good to stretch forth in flesh and touch the world again. Shadows of dark things having been passed through, being sorted, has it's place and time. Pain is a gift, one that can be turned in like a voucher in the name of Love, like all others. A percent for my King, a bit just for me, and some for the community. Never fear it. It will never be more than you can take. It is not what can hurt you. Bowing to it, ultimately, is what will hurt you. You really are too important to let that happen but you must decide about that on your own.
Wow, it really is a good day. Sleep was splendid. My dreams of walking with saints, hearing their tales, loving their sacrifice and great joys. Seeing their pain and loss fruit into wisdom and light. Waking to the gift of a painless strong body, with mind clear, whims galore, and the knowledge that for the other children, there will always be hope. Mad old goat, perhaps, but not always a grumpy one. Speaking of which, I ought to shave soon. Just... sayin'.
Later.
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