Can't sleep.

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Somewhere near morn's light and I am still awake.  It's not gaming, I see.  I think I stopped playing at... 22:00?  Perhaps 23:30.  No.  I am actually considering just playing more, since sleep will not happen.  The girls are a bit perturbed.  They like a rest time, of darkness and quiet.  Something that doesn't exist while I yet wake.  I can't do much about it, not in my hands to change some things.  It's icky, but...  Some days, or nights is it?, are like that.

In the game, I saw a character that... reminded me of a time in my past.  Before I fell, but while failing, I would not give in to certain temptations in an attempt to... hold on.  There were offerings.  Unnatural, not right, sin, suggested I.  But the fall was so slow.  And it seemed to be for no reason.  The air had simply changed, and gone out of me.  But such strength, power as some might call it if wrongly, still remained.  Still does.  A decadence of decay, the bloom of death, and yet... not.  Even the wolf has a place.  In the game, it was a pet, or friend.  In real life, it was my... animal aspect.  In both, the beast grew.  It did what it was called to do.  Thankfully, in my case, it did not go feral.  But it was loosed from my control.  A thing, initially, greatly feared until I learned how to communicate with it, and to trust it.  It had certainly watched my back many a moon, and covered my tracks, and ground, when needed and when "I" couldn't.  Yeah, a video of the... way it once was, for me as for the character in the game.

We both were fighting the inevitable.  In the game, he is killed, saving his honor.  For me, my death is life.

Later.