I thought I would get out.

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No, I didn't want to go.  I did have things to do, and if I can, I will override my want to rest.  I think I got close.  Just not close enough.  I will bath again.  My feet need it and I enjoy it when I can.  Showers are okay, baths are better.  I can only imagine swimming, wading, and washing in clear clean waters as being even better.

I was almost sure I was going to make it out.  Then I snagged on some aspect of life and didn't make it.  It is past noon, and I suspect I will be awake several more hours.  A bath, drying off, perhaps a few phone calls.

I did place to calls.  One to a local silver shop, another to my friend.  Neither answered.  Good thing, at least regarding my friend.  I might have had to cancel if I made a promise.  I was doing good, then just crashed.  I'm pushing hard to stay up, if not just to stay awake.  I want to get a bath in.  The bath will keep me awake, I suspect, if I can get to it.  Yeah, sounds crazy.  Just... I work within a system that is so broken that I couldn't write a manual for it.  It is unlike anything else out there.  I know it, to a degree.  If it is possible, I can make it happen.  Though I can't always know if it isn't possible until I make an attempt, or near it.

I can do things others simply can't.  Clicking 250 pound hand exercisers, given my condition, is probably unusual.  I can't just squeeze out a dozen.  Some days I can do a few, sometimes closing on ten.  I can play sudoku at speeds that are unusual.  I can do interesting things, given the givens.  But they are more parlor tricks than sustainable or regular.  I am hoping, though, that as medicine gets back in order, and as it cools, that maybe I can hike again, begin camping, and maybe push on into snowshoeing/camping.  It is possible.  A miraculous disaster?  Something like that.  I am looking for that spark... I may find it.

I am in really bad shape right now though.  Did summer wear me out?  Did the medicine cut get me?  I simply can't be sure.  All I know is that I will not quit, I will seek that push I had for spring and into early summer.  I have a trip I need to plan as well.  I'll check my foster brother one last time.  I doubt it though.  Then again, I don't think my adopted brother wants to see me.  Those types live in different worlds.  It's always been that way.  I'll need to get out of these chains before I can do as I wish though.  Oh, yeah, that.

Well, yes, a bath and a good long soak.  If I had a big and comfortable enough bath/sauna, one which I could safely sleep in, I might just do that from time to time.  Right in the middle of winter, too.  Later, or good night really.