Things are still very off.

.
.
A season change, just working on medication dosage... that will take about another week and then recovery time, and figuring out life in all that.  It will take some time.  For whatever reason, my feet had become so dry they were painful to walk on normally.  Even drinking fluids by the bucketful it seems, my body was becoming desiccated.  I honestly was worrying about rips.  My left heel and right front pad, plus the split between my left big and next toe, all had severe problems.  I've been showering, the usual every few days, mostly.  But not using anything.  Then again, I haven't used stuff, save for occasional attempts at moisturizers, which all failed, mostly, or at least over time.

A bath, tonight.  A long soak, olive oil in the epsom salt and essence.  Lemon and lime, I think, this time.  I have found it is best to only make one jar of goop at a time.  Having two or three around will allow the salt to cake, making it nearly useless and a hazard to try to use.  I honestly didn't think a single application and use of the pumice stone would really do much.  But without starting, no cumulative affect would be had.  Actually, just one hit really did help.  But then I soaked for a good long time (as far as a attention deprived fool can count time, mind you), and really hit the feet with oil, the stone, and just plain massaging.  I am amazed.  And yet, I am hoping to soak, perhaps, once a day for the next few days to week.  My feet were in serious trouble, and really still are.

You know, I was thinking, it is simply very odd.  If I change my medicine just a little bit, quite often I can go through serious effects.  Not always, but it is very possible.  Too much of this food, or that, or fluid, or too little, and I can suffer.  I never know what is going to bring pain, or fever, or solidify my skin (on my feet in this case) so much that the meat under it gets pinched by walking.  And yet lye didn't even open me up after ingestion, avoiding vomiting for hours and limiting the episodes to three, and then waiting twelve hours to go for help.  By which time there was nothing they could do.  Don't ask me.  And don't give me that placebo effect garbage.  That works on the weak minded, for the most part.  Check it out.  I have been on enough medication, as well, to know better.  It is simply strange how I can be so vulnerable to some things and invulnerable to others.  It doesn't make sense.  But, yes, quite often, I am a medicine light-weight.

By the way, I think it is, or is nearly, a month since I have been off tobacco.  Oh, I still jones for it, from time to time.  Or just plain get set to go look for my can of tobacco, off hand, before I realize that isn't part of the program anymore.  I do wonder if that is playing a part in my sense of dehydration, or fact of it?  I just know I am thirsty, thirsty, thirsty.  I also know that I cannot drink enough.  Which means some part of my thirst is of the mind, or a false sense caused by something else... a misinterpretation by my mind of some other things going on.  I keep trying to figure out what it is about, but so far nothing has been noted.  I seem thirsty... no, I am thirsty.  But not just for fluids.  Fluids help just a bit, not enough.  I have tried things I should and things I shouldn't drink.  Salted beer is the best, sports drinks don't do anything, coffee isn't helpful, various fruit, vegetable, and punches do little, water just leaves me thirstier.  I don't know.  Could be something to do with tobacco, or having been low on insulin, or maybe the summer just caught my body off-guard this summer?

Sleep is still off, but seems to be normalizing.  Nights are my days, for now.  I am working at getting that pushed around, with some success.  But that is moving slow.  I wish I understood this all.  I am hoping, in a few days to weeks, to be back to normal enough to begin... living again.  We'll see.  Later.