I was remembering.

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Before Burning Man, long before, I entertained the company of another sort of clowns.  We were all looking for... something.  I think it was the truth.  Too many of those cheated though.  Drugs, dead sex, personal strengths of various sorts.  Oh, I had my own ways.  We actually came together, as it turns out, to see who was using what and to what level of success.  Invitation only.  I never, to be honest, understood why I was included.  Especially since I didn't do drugs.  Ah, right, and that is the point.  I realized, in a bit of a memory trance, why I really was included.  It was because my mind and body was going places and doing things they could only go and do on drugs.


I couldn't teach them how, not then.  I didn't know how.  I didn't even, at the time, know that is what made me special too them.  Oh, sure, a shot of whiskey... or fifth.  A dozen beers maybe.  But that was nothing.  We were all looking for the same thing, and how.  I think if you go into drugs you skew the path.  There are other ways.  It still took me a generation from that time to get called to truth and finally accept what of it I could.  Even now I struggle more than have certainty.  And yet I know most of them are still lost, refusing truth by using that which can't allow truth.  Here by the grace of God, though, not a brag.  I like to think I was stubborn about it.  And I was.  But, was that all of it?

There were those who were so much more clever.  There were the more beautiful, handsome, strong...  Did any of them make it out of the tomb of the spirit we had fallen to in our pride?  I can hope, pray.  At the speed we were all chasing our dreams I would be surprised if many remain.  I may only yet exist because... I died.

I need to sleep, but have a few things to do.  So these things sometimes sneak up on me... waking dreams... sight, vision, understanding.  I... really never knew why I was invited.  Could be wrong, but... I don't think so.  Good night.