Not today.

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As little as I did, it was too much too fast.  My arms are cramping in a minor way, from forearm to shoulder.  My thighs have been exhausted and have a nice little burn going on.  Bending for dishes and laundry, doing too much of this and that, getting out.  This is good.  It will probably get me back on track more quickly.  The thing is, that won't be today.  Not what I had hoped.

I did finish the jackets.  I may put in another load of laundry and run it through.  And I could finish dishes.  But that will be it.  Oh, well, maybe a shower, or a bath.  A soak might really help, if I can push through to it.  Not just sore and cramping, tired.  A nap, in a bit, too, I suppose.  I know.

I will endeavor to get back on track with some things.  Like an old, mostly deaf, even mostly dead dog, a call will at least rouse my attention.  Which in part is why I made great effort to make one of the two meetings this week.  It may not work.  It might.  Maybe for a while, or longer, or shorter.  For me it is not about success as many consider it, it is more about not quitting.  I can't win, but if I keep trying, even if I fail, I can't lose.  And, sometimes, I still do walk through walls... not even always just in a ghostly way.

Yes, remembering when I was younger recently... as seen in various videos...  Not always younger in the way shown.  Many of my group wondered... about good and evil, outside but more inside.  We were looking for heaven, as I suggested, only a path that did not include God, Christ, the Holy Spirit.  I learned long ago, before I was technically grown, certainly before I entertained others with a similar quest, that approaching as a child was the only way.  That part, with God not just a part of the equation but pretty much the whole of the path, remains the same.  Others tried, but could not become a child for their lust.  And, while I sinned with many women, I was sinning with curious hopeful eyes, not simple lust.  Still, that was a failure because that wasn't enough.  I have been looking for the truth for a very long time.  My fear of it was greater, in the end, than my want.  Truth had to reach out to me, then slowly reel me in.

Heaven is beside me, hell within.  But that isn't, as I had presumed for so long, the end.  Nor is the answer.  It is merely a moment.  To the Timeless One, a moment can even not be.  Just... not quite yet.  Duties to perform.  The hope is to not get lost in the duties that require the hell within.  Though, too... hell within might not be quite as it seems.  It may be a perspective of hard things from the eyes of a child who is focused only on heaven, missing some of what is required.  If you believed Jesus was Christ, and watched Him be scourged then crucified and die, you just might get lost in the hell of that so as to surrender to the state of flesh which could seemingly end God.  Or you might well see past that.  So it is with the hell within, perhaps... it is hoped.

Later.