Odd things.

.
.
A name.  Some thoughts shared.  Shouldn't.  Much like this blog but elsewhere.  It's why I don't invite them in.  Besides, I know gab is goofing with the numbers I am seeing.  Why they would do it I don't know.  My "viewers" are pegged at 6404.  The problem is, when people ask to follow and then I accept?  The number doesn't change.  I am wondering how many I really have.  It probably wouldn't be higher.  I suspect it is far smaller, say... a few thousands, hundreds, less?  I just don't know.  I am not exactly sure why they would hide it, either.  Perhaps, even as unpopular as I might be, I am a driver.  Just a business thing.

Well, nothing that can be a dog and pony show should be believed I suppose.  I guess I always just hope that things are honest.  I promise, they aren't fudging for my feelings.  I guess I would just like to know why.  It doesn't bother my feelings, and really won't be a party to when I quit.  I am there to look over data.  I know I am not accepted in the world, mostly... or at all.  Rightly or not.  Nor believed, really.  Even those who know the facts, real health facts and knowledge of my deaths, and... such things... they don't believe.  Or work almost as hard at disbelieving as I used to work.  Even my mother... hides from things she knows, from as a child to yesterday.  It's just the way it is.  Much as, if most folk saw a ghost they would convince themselves that they hadn't until they wouldn't even remember the event.  I... am that event.

I guess I can't blame.  Took me a very long time to just accept that some things, and some people, are different.  Or, perhaps, confused.  There is that possibility.  Insanity is there.  Or just, maybe, the heart problem brings too much confusion in.  Just, for my part, I had to submit to what I experience, saw, see, and deal with it.  Ever form of test I have been able to perform comes clean, or clear enough.  It's all I can do.

Never mind.  A few more months and I will move on.  Not sure about the blog.  Nothing is sure.  Not here, now, in the past, or even in the future.  Nothing is sure for those who draw breath.  I do believe that after the final breath there will be surety.  Though, I suspect, even then, only in time... if oddly in a place of timelessness.  Until... that too falls away and a time and place is reborn.  I am sure about the first part, the latter is taken on faith.

I am going to try to do some work.  I just haven't been... energetic.  I am doing better, and better on top of it.  But work has been... out of reach.  I am hoping, before bed, I can do the dishes, see to a load of laundry in the dryer, and take a shower.  Oh, love showers.  Maybe a bath tomorrow.  Good day, and night for my part.