Sometimes I forget.

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I certainly might be a part of chaos, a touch of anarchy in the right sense, a spot of darkness, if I might suggest, hope, of the holy sorts.  Not possible you say?  I say, go look in the mirror and pray.  For me?  Aye, and you.  Amen.  If not holy, that is my intent, and the direction I face.  Whether I travel in that direction, as with any with the will to the Divine, only God knows.  So... yes... I understand the... doubt, fear, even hatred.  If I suspect those who have the latter.

Anyway, knowing these things means I am different.  Right down to how I think, feel, about things.  Sometimes I simply don't understand humans.  Not at all.  It came to me in a dream, with a recent music video as the catalyst for understanding the misunderstanding.

The video is not prideful, or fearful, it isn't about some notion about being grand, or an ego trip.  It is just about one doing, literally or virtually, through an avatar or others or self, his job... doing what he can do because that is what he does, literally and in a metaphysical reality play through.

In the dream, I was doing as in the video.  What you don't get is... the music?  That's actually from my mp3 player.  My work, as exciting as it may look, gets a bit boring.  As I have explained, so I will explain again.  I am, or dream of, one who cannot lose.  I must lose, however, to have hope.  I... haven't figured that all out, not fully, not yet.  I do... think on it, worry, but faith is strong.  I trust when God says He has faith in me.

It's not terrible, to me.  It isn't boastful.  It is a cosmic journeyman, making his way through hostile territory in order to... turn valves? fix devices?  ah, as well as kill some time and maybe lead kin away from darkness, introduce them to the one true Lord God. I think many are ready, they just need to hear it from one of their own.  Odd how working for God is working for man, and others.  It is service.  Self isn't really a part of it.

Had to laugh.  You see things so differently.

The only real danger is wanting to stay and play when working out there in the days when darkness reigns.  I will need to return to safety and sanity before the long night ends.  Can't kill demons.  Can only deprive them of flesh, for a while.  They are creatures of spirit.  Nephilim are a bit of both, so also don't exactly die.  Only Cain's children die and are no more.  During the long night, demons and devils (disembodied nephilim) will be able to be of flesh, without possession.  Trying to kill them all, or even deport all of those particular illegals, would merely end with me returning with them to hell when their night days end.  The hound that knows not, or heeds not, his Master's bugle will be lost in the hell of the endless hunt.

That, my friends, is what causes Doom a shudder, even on a hot summer night.