Grumpy?

.
.
Not really.

A trip to SLC can cripple me for days.  If the temp increases a few degrees, even when sleep is desperately needed and greatly desired, I can't sleep.  If the temps decrease a few degrees, or it gets cloudy, I may end up sleeping longer, days at a time.  If anything changes, I might collapse into a heap.  Sometimes that will happen for no reason at all.

I am dying, so very slowly.  There is no recovery.  They know it, I know it.  Still, probably for political reasons, they keep denying social security.  I have considered abandoning or selling the house, but rent would be similar, only privacy would be even worse than it is now.  If I am working on regaining privacy.

No, I am stuck.  Unless I chose to just sell, or try to sell, then disappear.  Living out of a pack is a hard thing.  Irresponsible, in my condition.  Then again, living on my own isn't wise.  The options aren't good though, as to living with others.  People are dangerously hungry these days.  Kill you for a dollar.

It's a tough day, week.  I, once, tried to disbelieve.  I failed.  While I too live in a world of pain, I have chosen against pain treatment.  Aspirin, max, if rarely even then.  I know where he is at.  Honestly, it is a lonely place.  And people wish to leave you.  I understand.  I do.  It is difficult to watch someone else die, especially a slow grinding painful useless death.  It isn't a test, it is an opportunity.


To be honest, what is worse is to be dying in a world which is going bad faster than I am.  I may well survive to see and be murdered by a world completely fallen.  I have some idea as to some of the thoughts that crossed Christ's mind as He started the dying process.  As with Him, at least I now know this isn't my kingdom.