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When life, just existing, becomes a torture, I am left wondering, doubting, questioning my resolve and the reasons for those sentiments. Oddly, when I turn and reevaluate, the resolve is reasserted so swiftly I... am almost confused. I see my faith is so far superior to my doubts that... life is... just is, and I will abide it, through terrible pain.
I won't tell you I understand. On a purely logical, even physical, simple, basis, suicide would be considered reasonable. I have many family who would support suicide, encourage it. If not all for right reasons even within that wrong headedness. I am almost certain, if some of my medical thought they could get away with it, they would kill me, without letting me know. At least the ones who realize something is wrong, probably something that can't be fixed.
If I think most of the nonbelievers know, they just don't think vets, or me personally, deserve disability. I do wonder how many modern doctors are being taught genocide, for the good of the planet, expediency, mercy, or simple economy? Doctors, nurses, specialists. If an easy diagnosis and solution can't be found? Pretty soon I do expect medical genocide.
It is quite difficult. Between confusion, exhaustion, and pain, of late, I can find no peace, or sleep. With winter arriving so early, and various struggles beyond, it is difficult to sort through things. On the good side, I do believe in the gift of life and God's will well beyond my simple creature comforts. That may be the depth of my witness. May it be enough. Good night.
"I do wonder how many modern doctors are being taught genocide, for the good of the planet, expediency, mercy, or simple economy?"
ReplyDeleteAs an author of the . . . let's go ahead and call it offbeat . . . it is occasionally tempting to speculate on the notion of doctors prescribing extremely slow poisons to people possessing particular infirmities. Or the aged. Or the "nonproductive". Or those at a particular economic level. It's sometimes difficult not to be wholly suspicious.
Recall the words of the Bard: Now, God be praised, that to believing souls gives light in darkness, comfort in despair.
So, I may not be the only one with doubts. Perhaps experiments? The world, in spots, is far more evil than any would suspect. It isn't everywhere, but you just won't see it and might not believe it if you did see it. That is how evil survives.
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