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I can't remember when I went to bed, or woke, for the last few days. Only, I know any semblance of pattern is lost. Down three hours, up five or fifteen, then down sixteen, up eight. No control, at the moment. I have a few goals that I am, roughly, keeping... so far. I am doing chores early, between eight and ten, say... and I am getting the ducks in and pulling waterers between 18:30 and 21:30... depending on when I am awake, and then when I am able. It's... something.
As well, I am eating a bit better. Stew, or taco salad, or a bowl of fruit or porridge. I'll bet a bit of frozen fruit would go good in that. It's not keto, but with a bit of whole whipping cream, or butter salt and pepper, and small enough portions *cough*, it will do once a week. So warming and filling. I need more lettuce. And a few other things. Not sure I have the money to shop, so... I'll make a list. Crumble and soup makings carries me easily through a week.
I have decided I much prefer chicken stew to whole pieces of chicken. I prefer whole beef, but that gets eaten too fast. I'm a poor boy now. I can't afford a third of even a small roast as a meal these days. But, cut into small pieces, a roast which will last nearly five or six meals? I can do that. Still a small roast. It's not down to nickels and dimes, it's down to pennies.
Oh, and I much prefer stew to soup. From now on, I will add the thickener. Now, I know how to use guar gum, very effectively. I would next like to learn to use psyllum husk... ground and whole... mostly to see which one I think is best, and in which of the various things I wish thickened. Something about clarity, but that isn't an issue for me. I just want the easiest to produce, most consistent, the most unblemished, thickening agent possible. I don't care if it's a bit cloudy. I want no additional flavor, the best consistency... not jelly but not water... right in the middle? Something like that. Then, if all else equals, go by price and availability.
The local health food store has gone mask only, so I won't shop there. Too bad, they had my favorites in several spices and vitamins. If they merely discouraged without masks, that would be one thing. But, no. So be it. I generally like to shop, mostly, online. But sometimes I have to see what I am getting, and I won't do masks. That's just the way of it. Though, I think even that may be over. We will see, but, yeah.
Another dream, but yesterday, not tonight. I simply wasn't sure I wanted to share. This time it was an older woman, who got away. Oh, she has had a crush on me almost as long as I have had a crush on her. I was a little boy the first time I met her, she fully grown, middle aged. We... liked each other then. I liked her more. As I matured, she has... come to like me at least as much as I have ever... liked her. Took her breath a time or two. And more. I am good at spotting... opportunities.
Nothing has come of it. But I will always... she will always come to mind, from time to time. Some women just get to me. Even if we never... we sure thought about it. We will until we die. I love both loving her, and not having done anything about it. It makes her a special kind of friend. Unrequited? I would say... even more... mutual unrequited and even a bit beyond. Our minds have touched. Souls?
Well, it's 02:48... after setting up the waterers, emptying the pee jars... two out of three. I have been taking the water pill... oddly because of sleep. It hasn't been working. I added compression socks a few days ago. Nothing. Finally, tonight, seven liters while mostly sleeping, and probably another two before bed. It all just dropped. Now I am thirsty as a devil. See, this is what happens, and why I end up needing three. It all drops, I get so thirsty I drink three gallons, then the pills won't work on that, and on it goes until I achieve some balance. Three water pills and about two to three gallons of fluids a day is usually about where it settles out. Very tricky.
I best turn the furnace up. so the water is warm. I slept all during the day "yesterday", only waking to put the ducks in and pull the waterers... which were frozen solid. Little had been supped. They had not been warmed, and I think it got a bit cooler out there. So... this time I want to make sure the water is warm. The little runaway rabbit is still out there. I leave food for him, and... he knows. I will try to catch him today. Good morning, day, night... whatever.
You're not alone in regards to sleep cycles going blotto. With me it's a combination of my ankles giving me fits, and being incapable of setting my mind on "low" when I go to bed.
ReplyDeleteMy son recently recommended Olly Sleep chewables, and they've been helping.
Hmm... I've never tried otc's. Benedril? Though, when hospitalized usually. They weren't successful, worked for some people though. I'll check those out. I do fear such things though. Then again, my problem isn't getting to sleep when I can go to sleep. Or waking up, mostly. It's... a mild insomnia... a fog that sweeps in and make sleep like wakefulness and wakefulness like sleep.
ReplyDeleteI think I am doing better. Still, I'd like to look those over. Have tried melatonin? Or some such, too. But, as mentioned, it's more a phase where I'm neither quite sleeping or awake, ever, that gets me. Like an old eight-track or cassete, where the tape has stretched... only thing a very extended... impossible... stretch.
They seem reasonable. Worth a shot. Might help me go down, if I can remember to take them. Nothing like ghosting into the... day... or night... and not having a feel or thought for flesh. Still... Thanks for the notion.
ReplyDeleteNot at all. Let me know if they help.
ReplyDeleteSomething else you might try is any sort of caffeine-free tea featuring chamomile (e.g. Celestial Seasonings Sleepytime). Sometimes it doesn't work, but other times it puts me out like a light.
I think I have tried chamomile. Not sure I gave it much of a chance. I am a tea drinker, so it would be easy to make a jug, just for at night... or even make a small fresh pot at night. Well, whatever is passing for night. But, maybe a whole jug, to begin cutting caffeine five hours before bedtime, or so.
ReplyDeleteThough, to be honest, as crazy as sleep is, and has been, I'm not sure there is a fix. I was clean of caffeine for a few years and it didn't make a difference. Still... other things weren't being treated, like the heart. Bleh.
The one thing that helped my schedule the most? Having a woman around. I... sort of like one. To speak with, look at, flirt with, fight with, cook with, help, and be helped. They are sort of interesting, if annoying... which... can be interesting. :p Gah! But... you know that.