Down very late, up late.

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I can't be certain what time I went to bed.  Well after 07:00, not yet 09:00?  Maybe a bit after 09:00?  Not 10:00 almost for certain.  I had to really push to get the ducks out, fed, and rabbits tended.  I did not wish to let the critters go thirsty or hungry.  No fresh water for the ducks, but their pool was still good.  Dirty, but... it's... a duck pool.  It gets to be clean for ten minutes, every two to three days.

Sleep was very good.  But what kept me awake so long?  Medicine.  It makes it so I am unaware when I slip into insomnia... until... I realize I should and can get to bed.  No horrible thing, currently.  Tired, sure, a bit more so from the stretch.  There was pain when going down, from pushing the body.  And there are very minor aches now.  If those will pass.

I am letting the ducks get fresh water now.  The girls have been well fed through the night.  Strangely, I... kept up. I sort of feed them as I take medicine, plus.  I will treat them, in or out, or with Sam when she is out, beside treats and regular meals, I also take her cat hard tack a few times.  I am up, and out there, and her being outside saves on litter, so... why not make her comfortable and fed?

Dreams.  Of sinful things.  Even so, praying within the dreams.  Not hiding it or my hunger from God.  Odd to be praying for absolution and understanding right inside a dream in which I sin.  You know what, I think... God...  It's not about our sins, not all of it, not most of it, not directly.  Sort of like it isn't about us.  It is about what we do with those, how we handle them.  Since I can't, always, especially in dreams and near-dreams, I take them to Him.  Ask Him to help me defeat them, even if... I lose.  The sin, even should I fail, still doesn't win.  God does.  Christ already died for them, or put more personally, Jesus did.  For, as Christ, He didn't have to die.  Only the man was subject to that, and it was even then an allowance... a difficult one.

I have been having trouble doing anything.  Brushing teeth, showering, doing dishes, even eating.  Everything is behind.  I have been keeping up on the critters and medicine.  I have reset the medicine dispenser so that it shows the right day.  Further, going down so late... early... I took morning medicine.  Actually I should have taken night medicine, so the water pills would be taken when I woke.  But... one thing at a time.  If it happens this way again tonight, I will take tomorrow night's medicine in the morning.  If I take the water pills when I go to bed, they aren't as effective.

I keep rocking the boat though.  Trying to get more done.  I keep just sitting here.  Not by choice.  I can't focus, I have no energy.  I get lost here, like a ghost not knowing... what to do or how.  At least I don't hurt.  I am beginning to play games, on the console.  There is hope that gaming will pull me out.  It has before.

Gaming is a start.  Then, as I can, back to other things.  Time to turn the water off out there.  Then I will brush my teeth... for the first time in a while.  Pour tea for the day.  Hmm, treat the girls, I don't like feeding them too early after just waking... they can get... mean about demanding food if so.  A few nibbles, however, resets jangled nerves for a few hours.

Then a few more very minor chores?  Yes.  And, about when I feed them, a shower?  Perhaps laundry after?  I... will try.  I... need to crawl back out from under that damned heavy medicinal rock.  At least it doesn't hurt, sleep is good, and medicine is staying on track.  Amen.  Later.