Weird.

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I was moving slow.  Apparently really slow?  I got some things together, for a shower, as I was planning on making coffee.  Shower all prepped, I started making coffee.  While out there, I looked over at the clock.  I had just reset it the other day, because of the power outage.  It read 07:15.  Wow!  Time is really flying.

So, I made my coffee, and planned to drink it as quickly as possible, to get the shower, and get going!  I want to be the post before 08:00?  Well, it's... a plan.  So, got the coffee in, was sipping, wanted to check the time again... out here.  05:30?  Hmm...

So, I checked my phone, and the computer.  All were reading 05:30.  Don't know if I set the time out there incorrectly, or if there has been some glitch in the system since then?  Doesn't matter.  Not I can... slow down, enjoy my morning a bit more.  Oh... what a fright.  I couldn't figure out how that much time had gone that quickly, but hadn't thought to... get a second and more opinion.  What a relief.

A shower will be wonderful.  With these new underwear, I just wear them right into the shower.  Seems so funny, but it works.  Wash them, then just hang them, putting on a fresh pair after drying off...  clean from my last shower.  I have been wearing them from shower to shower, as a heavier shakedown.  But, with only two pairs, initially one for the first week, I didn't have a whole lot of choice.

I now have four pair.  So, I may start changing them daily, washing the pair I change, and leaving it out to dry.  If I do more, and sweat more, I may even change them twice a day.  I haven't tried the next new size down.  Will be trying those today.  I know, but for fluid and health issues, I can wear, in these, a large or extra large, depending on the day.  And, actually, for being 280 pounds... that's... not bad?  By their charts, I should be in two extra large.  But that is way too big.  Even the extra large are on the edge.  Extremely comfortable, albeit, like wearing air.  I am hoping the large work easily.  If so, and I suspect so, I may even order down to a medium... get a few of those.  

Sizing is crazy, these days.  And this is a brand aimed, I had thought, at the skinnies?  No hate, I'd be one if I could.  My system, even eating 500 to 1k calories, simply won't burn enough to help me lose any weight.  Eating more calories doesn't cause me to gain, or work better.  Crazy.  I'm sort of stuck.  Still, my sizing is very odd.  Peculiar.  Part of it may be the design, though.  Shirts are made for excessive pot bellies.  And, while I have a belly, it... isn't a paunch.  It is smaller than my chest by a foot, maybe a bit more in places.  And I am solid.  You'd hurt your hand punching me.  Maybe stabbing me.  :)  Don't think I jest.

I think I want another coffee, and something to eat.  Blood sugar was 160, but then I woke last night, with a sugar crash.  I ate a decade of tabs, as that is all I could find.  I could not even crawl out of bed.  It was a pretty harsh crash.  At least I woke, handled it, and went right on back to bed.  No residual suffering from it, other than slightly elevated blood sugar.  All good.  I had 20 cc's of fast acting right first thing, coffee, and some meat sticks.  But... I need more coffee, and something else to eat.  Just not sure what.  Maybe green beans, mushrooms, and butter?  Sounds good to me.  An odd thing, but... it's... something.

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Questions.  Should society, collectively, say "No!", to some things?  Are taboos a good, or evil?  And, if a good, how far should they go?  Oh, don't even look at me as if I have no right to question these things.  There is nothing about my existence, nature, which hasn't, might currently, or certainly in the future, cause me to be murdered.

From my mixed heritage, to size, to... various other things which should be plainly obvious even to the blind and dumb, of various sorts, there are things about me which could cause me to be hung, butchered, shot, or otherwise ruined, even exiled.  You KNOW that.  So, I have every right to question taboos.

And, I have been questioning them since I first understood that I was born outside of them.  In... just about every way.  But my questioning isn't about why.  I know why taboos exist, and quickly came to more fully understand why as I learned various things.  To be a breed, for example, is to be alone.  I don't have a people who accept me, just for being what I am.  Rejected, by both sides.  And, in my case, by all four sides, and the more so.  The Navajo would reject the Lakota as much as the French and Spanish, and each the others, in a completeness you cannot understand.  No hatred is so sure as blood hatred.

Everything about me suggests a war, of some sort.  I realize, while Lakota is called Sioux, by many, Sioux actually only means "enemy", in some foreign (to Lakota) tongue.  In truth, I, in my Lakota form, and most certainly in the combinations, am Sioux.  More than any so-called Sioux.  I am enemy.  But it doesn't stop there.

Taboos.  I tell you this, know them and stay clean of them.  To some degree, I do my best not to engage in my natures.  I don't ask others to accept.  And, know most don't... and shouldn't.  You can look, see.  Perhaps sympathy, of a sort.  But don't push, or support, that which is broken.  On the other hand, I can't change reality.  Some can deny reality.  That is no better than those who are similar to me, but believe a hammer can be an anvil... or whatever else they wish to believe.  What is, is.  Even if it is wrong.  But being wrong, will never be right, either.

Reminds me of the Buddha, who sought nothingness... some say found it.  But that... wasn't were to go.  Then sought pleasures?  Which first?  I don't remember.  But, as some have suggested, neither complete abstinence nor completely embracing whims, are the way to go.  A middle ground?  A reasoned third way?  I suspect that isn't even a choice, to be honest.  We can no more not sin, than we can be purely sinful.  The broken clock theory, in either direction?  Something like that.

Anyway... I watched this vid, and... yes.  I do sympathize, empathize, and... chastise.  The painter, the lady, and society.  But, in this case, I do little.  I think everyone gets their just rewards, or relinquishes them to one who has paid the price.  Or, for some, a bit of a mix.  Better to pay a bit here, I'll tell you without any doubt, than to only pay a bit there, on the way.  Fire.  Oh... so very hot.

I think the question is, what to do about those who choose the taboo.  I suggest, for the most part, a separation from them.  If they choose to present as a lie, or falsehood, or such, leave them to it.  But leave them off.  Violence only if they insist on forcing these things on you.  Well, and violence against those who try to force the laws to insist that you join their insanity.  There is mostly separation.  Violence is when an attempt to remove choice, through violence on their side, is exhibited.

I am honestly surprised things haven't been taken in hand.  It's coming.  I'm too old and ill, but I know which side I am on.  It isn't on the side of freaks.  Amen.