Well, on to sleep.

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I had hoped to do a few things.  I... stayed awake.  I kept pushing.  Ever been on the pot, had to go, couldn't?  Well, it was... like that.  I even had some hope that, maybe, I might figure a way through, even to the meeting.  It just wasn't going to happen.  So tired.  I... drowsed until... I realized nothing was going to happen.  

16:39.

I couldn't play games.  I... kept... falling asleep.  I don't think you are supposed to fall asleep during action games.  So, I decided to watch a show.  I'm... not sure I saw much of it.  Something about something.  Kept dreaming of war.  Severed parts, split skulls, and else.  It isn't the physical damage, it is when one realizes that which was damaged was a friend, or even enemy.  A real people.  Though, that only comes later?  Usually.  Sometimes it is immediate.  Sometimes you feel their pain, death, even enemies.  The greatest warrior isn't immune.  The faces of every one.  Just a dream, of course.  Daydream.

Still, a man has to do what he has to do.  Even if that means his skull is next to be split.  It's the risk of steel, the sword, live by, die by.  Does that... ever end?  If one once lived by it, is the price still dutybound?  I can't know.  Not for sure.  Though, who... doesn't live by the sword?  Just because your government sends someone else to risk life and limb?  Do you pay taxes?  Do you even try to stop those actions?  Do you separate yourself from that government?  Do you live well, from those sacrifices?  Just because you don't kill, doesn't mean you don't gain from said.  If you are filthy rich, you are most likely far more guilty.

I... have to go to bed.  Strangely, I am not dreaming of war, when I go on to bed.  I am plowing my shoulders into the pillow and mat, and crashing to sleep like a fallen tree.  I hurt when I wake, and move, just can't wake often enough.  Hopefully, today, I will sleep better.

I'll say some prayers, for the ill, for the well, for the wise, for fools, for those in power, and certainly for those without.  I'll pray for the true priesthood and other vocational, and certainly for the lay... for those in groups, who try.  And for those merely in the pews.  Certainly for those not in the pew.  I only ask that God grant me what is needed to do His will, rightly.  As a slave if need be, as a servant if that is all, but as a son if I may and rightly.  Better to do as kin, than as a slave, but better to be a slave to God, than be outside of His will.  Amen.