Realizations.

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Can't be sure what the problems are.  But... no worries.  Unwelcome.  I hope an offer does come through.  It is well past time I be on my way.  Just... something I realized today, about this and that.  A punch in the gut.  But... okay.  Never you go worry, or consider.  I just... realized some things.  One can hope for a reprieve.  But that just may not happen.  I may be stuck in my humility.  I will... pray... for release.  If you wish to be kind, pray for that in my regards as well?  When I ask for something, I ask that whatever I wish, be so only if it is His wish as well.  Priorities.

I didn't go down until 04:00.  I woke, for... some reason... no reason? at 07:00.  I wanted to go back to sleep.  But, realized, if I did, the house would turn into an inferno before long.  So, I got up and shut everything down, capturing the 70 temps I had managed to pull in.  It had been as low as 48, at about when I went to bed?  Probably more like midnight, last I checked?  Or some time between those numbers?  But, it was at least down to 48.  Strange, very strange for deep summer, for it to get cooler.  Even 52 is unusual, but has been fairly normal, or frequent enough to be noted.  Still, won't complain.

I keep reading I am living in a heat dome.  The thing is supposed to include my area.  I assure you, it doesn't.  We are not only not hotter than usual, we are subnormal, by five to ten, and more, degrees... at least right here where I live.  I check the temps, have for years.  Even if it is rough, at 90, it is usually rougher still, by much.  And it doesn't cool this much.  Last summer, the house didn't cool to below 75 this time of year?  I would lay wages that was more usual if not always the case?  And it took two ac's to get some cooling upstairs.  Though I held up a bit better, last year, for the first time, or second summer?  But did break down toward the middle of this month?  Something like that.

I keep dreaming of strange things.  While I don't believe the end of the world is here, I keep dreaming of bits of that.  Though, strangely, the dreams are more an assurance that the end is not nigh, than that it is, oddly.  But... part of the end are nigh?  Something like that.  People may end up wishing that the end was here.  There are times which are worse than the end.  For a time.

Have you ever seen a wound, on a man?  A broken limb, or finger?  Torn parts?  And you empathize to deeply you hurt for him?  You... hurt with him?  But you have to pull back, for the ferociousness of the empathy?  Well, imagine doing that with billions.  You have no idea.  Strangely, as the wounded man, who has made it through, and is recovering, the... memory of the pain is fading, and optimism has filled his heart.  I saw that part too.  Is it just drugs the body makes, to get one through the worst of life, and allow survival or it's potential after terrible wounding?  Or is it some gift from God that allows you to carry on after?  Maybe both?  God has seen the worst, chosen not just what is divine, but to be it.  He has tamed His own... what would pass for wounds... fears.  He just, now, Is.  I guess that is what we are called, in part, to become.  It is in us, even in the wounded.

I actually see this in the Cambodians.  I won't tell you why, but I saw it clearly.  Or... was that a mistake?  I don't think so.  Just... something from... another dream, of another dark tomorrow... one that has already been.  I... shouldn't write these things.  You don't understand.  I don't want to explain.  Not awake enough to detangle myself from some of these things, find distance to report perspective anyway, for the moment.

Back to bed?  I don't know.  Maybe, or soon.  Chilly!  It's only 72, in a t and skivvies.  With a fan going.  Strange.  Anyway... later or more later that that.