The last load right on through.

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Two?  No, I think three loads through.  The last one is in the dryer.  But I am going on to bed.  I have whites collected, and in the washing machine, to be soaped and bleach added in the morning.  Or whenever I get to it, remember.  I even got the first two loads, plus some malingering clean clothes from the past on upstairs.  One heavy load.

I only had a piece of beef because I am up so late, having been awake so long.  Brutal, in some ways.  And my legs swell more the longer I am awake.  Ugh.  Perhaps I should take waterpills.  Yea, I may end up filling three to nine liters.  But ow well.

Quite a good day.  I even heard back, and have an email in my attempt to find a confession which will fit my needs.  I'll email tomorrow, see if an arrangement can be made.  What price, diligence, and duty is worth the soul?  I should have had this done, but when you are lost, alone, and dying... in the middle of busy frightened world, even standing or talking being a bit of a trick, it's... difficult to catch an ear.  Too busy, too many things to do, places to go.  And, I... understand.  Still, since I am still hear, I'll get to it.

My least favorite task.  In part because I never feel like I really know what I am doing.  In part, because it is stressful as hell... uhrm, no pun intended.  It's part of why I wouldn't have chosen Catholicism... the Church of Christ really.  It's... a difficult path, for as gentle as they offer some of the sacraments.  

Now, I truly enjoy the Eucharist (communion).  It's not crackers and wine, as some might suggest.  It is, in part, about the transubstantiation.  It is.  But, even more, it is being in union with God during these events.  If you aren't right with God, taking these, even as a Catholic, is a sin... or... as I see it.  Otherwise it is back to the wine and crackers mentality.  Not even the touching of the cloak, hoping for healing.  Do I believe?  How can I not.

Anyway.  I'll hope to get this wrapped up shortly.  Then I can make stronger attempts to join the knights, when at masses with causes, or saying the rosary between masses, or being at meetings, doing things, joining in.  I am not welcome, necessarily.  I... don't need to be.  Not by men.  I am not necessarily there for anyone but God.  Though, it is hoped, if I can get going, be more reliable, perhaps... there might be room for the more right of the men there.  Who knows.  Not my problem, even if it seems so.  Been at this gig, being alone, excluded, for most of my life.  I don't mind.  Just... trying to be useful.

On to bed!  Goodnight.