Bah!

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The grill wouldn't light up a second time.  It shouldn't be out of fuel already.  I've only used it... five times since changing it?  But... if someone opens it, that would do it.  If they did that, they would be coming back to close it?  Who knows.  Though, it might be the odd misty weather.  I just don't know.  Still, it was cleaned, and freshly coated with oil.

So, I just pan fried the steak, in a bit of coconut oil.  It worked.  Two hours after eating and blood sugar is 108?  Okay.  I'll take it gladly.  Still, very strange.

I have to admit, I think the thing with carnivore?  Is it somehow destroys your... or my anyway... appetite.  I just can barely eat.  It isn't just carnivore food.  I have no interest in pizza, or fast food (even though I know they are horrible foods, I used to love them).  As a fact, there is nothing, now, that I... want to eat.

Eating has become a... occasional necessity.  Not needed for sustenance, but for a sense of... not starving?  And the idea that eating every day, often twice, even more often three times a day?  Plus snacks?  Just eating to... eat, and because I was supposed to eat?

When I finally stopped, to realize what was happening, or slowed down?  I realized everything "they" were saying about food was wrong.  How much?  What types?  Everything.  It wasn't by accident.  They were blithely advising people to eat themselves to death.  Many have.  Many more are on the path.  Even skinny people, these days, may well have diabetes, and other things, from eating bad foods.

Sugar is in everything.  Of one type or another.  Dextrose is sugar, for example.  Just not a very tasty one?  Odd that.  Some of the sugars don't have the sweetness, but still cause diabetes.  Interesting... as if they produced things for people who know better, by taste.  To fool even them?  Weaponized.  Not just in the US.  It's everywhere.  Islanders, Mexicans (who have a coke issue, as in soda), indigenous, non-native, etc.  They are hitting everybody.  Getting rich off killing people.

Still, I don't get how carnivore kills my appetite?  The fats are... nauseating, if to a lessor degree than when I started.  But it really reduces my hunger.  Staunches it, shuts it down, eliminates it.  I can't quite go without eating.  That would lead to binging.  It's a tricky thing, for a foodie, to... give up flavors, textures, variety.

Still struggling through though.  It's tough.  I so want to eat something "good", but now, even when I eat carbs... which I used to love... I get the same nausea.  Plus I feel even worse after.  So it is becoming much easier to stay carnivore.  If it is a frustrating state.  I want... to eat what makes me terrible, and have it just be okay.  But I think that is done.  Not sure how that works.  But it seems to be... how it is working out.

Still stuck wanting bad foods.  A lot.  But knowing they won't even be satisfying is really annoying.  I just wish I could figure out something in carnivore that I love to eat... like I used to love spaghetti and meat sauce.  But nothing tastes all that good.  Just... more edible than that first week.

Hungry?  But not for food, more for a previous way of eating.  It is slowly passing.  I had hoped I would be over it by now, but... no.  I'll keep at it.  A cross of a very special nature.  Self-inflicted?  But, then, wasn't the one Christ carried and died on self-inflicted... to some extent?  Amen.  And, good morning, day, and night.