Brutal suffering.

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Heart, lungs, muscles in the upper body, leg wound, neck, headache.  Not everything.  Just a lot of things.  And in such odd and varied ways.  Muscles, bone aches, weariness, and such.  Even one of my ears hurts, sort of inside?  Did I fall down the steps last night and not remember?  I'll take aspirin today.

Then, the VA called to set up two or three things.  And Sassy was having none of me sleeping past eight thirty?  She was fed at midnight, or one.  She shouldn't be that terribly hungry already!  Ugh.  I couldn't find any peace this morning.  So, finally, just got up.  I would have slept four or five more hours if I... thought there would be peace to it.

No, no complaints.  I want this stuff worked out with the VA.  And, fine, if Sassy is that hungry, I will feed her.  I don't begrudge that.  Some days you own the belly, some days the belly owns you.  Today it owned her.  Okay.

And, I... have to do some other business anyway.  So, on up, out of bed.  So tired, painfully tired just on that side of things.  So, in a way, everything does hurt.

Oh, I did get one number back, for sure.  My a1c came back as 6.4, which is a blood sugar average of 134.  Which seems a bit high?  Given the givens, and that I had just eaten my Christmas treats?  But, no, I think my average had gotten higher.  So... I think that was probably closer to the real average.  Though... maybe a bit higher than my home reads?  Still, that is... good enough, for now.  My last read was an a1c of 9.6 or 9.8.  And, the time before that, it was 11.x or 13.x.  But those were a long long time ago.  The 9.x was... three months ago, give or take.  So... more than a three point drop in three months?  I'll take that.  Still, hoping for more.

As well, a kidney or liver improvement, from 3.6 or 3.8 to 2.5 in that same time.  So, yes, I'm... improving.  Hugely.  Trying to improve enough that they won't try to insist on more.  Just monitor.  Only doing that or the doctors have a fit.  So, let em' look, not touch.  Council, not command.  Such.

Even if I improve, there... isn't a way to become healthy.  I can only slow the eventual death, which... should have happened more than half my life ago.  Perhaps I can ease the pain?  Improve function very slightly?  But I will never be... healthy, able-bodied, well, again.  It's just a matter of how much, how often, and how badly life will hurt until it is over.  Okay.  I'm... in for the thing, at this point.  God said so, I... finally, just accept.  A cross, is a cross, is a cross.  Later.