So tired.

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.

My heart just hurts.  It's tired.  It aches.  Why?  I... can't say.  I'd like to start eating, again.  And, maybe, tomorrow, I'll get back to it, pull something out to thaw.  A few steaks, for an easy start.  I am sure the burger soup is... needs to be tossed.  And a steak that was in there for a while.  I hate wasting, but some things just can't be eaten.

I worked up a will tonight.  Plans for a funeral.  Rough, just... basic ideas.  The house and owned items are sorted, mostly.  Even Sassy has been given a home, conditionally.  There are four parties to some of the money.  There is enough to give fairly nicely to the various parties.  Burial?  I can say what I want, but that's really for others.  I do want to be buried, not cremated.  In a coffin, in the ground.  For most of my life I was sure I wouldn't want that.  Then... I became Catholic, although right as the church has started to allow cremations.  Now I want the way they used to do it.  At a VA site, unless they can do it locally, affordably.  I have lived here longer than... I have lived in any area in my life.  So I wouldn't mind a local burial, if it's affordable enough.  I might even get a visitor or two, from time to time.

Still, I am hoping to get in better shape, and find a wife and have a few kids before time runs out completely.  That would change some things.  Of course.  Not complete changes.  Just... some.  Gotta take care of a woman, though too, where we will be, a portion of that, and savings from living there, would... set her up pretty well.  If she blows it, she blows it.  Though, same with the others.  If I can get out and find a woman, that is.

Still haven't heard from the VA about getting help with swimming expenses.  Or any of the appointments.  But, sometimes, it takes a long time.  Sometimes it's fast.  I'll just have to see what is happening.

I did call my mom.  It went right to messaging.  So, either she has it off, has me still on no-connection, or swiped it quickly.  I won't call again.  Either she will call back or not.  Probably just set a day and time up, once a month.  If she wants to talk, she can call then.  Same with my brother.  If they have no need to call, then we don't need to talk.

Oh... there is one other thing about the will.  I'll have to remember to text about that.

Sure having trouble waking early.  Whether I get to bed early or late, my wake cycle is just off.  Almost noon this morning.  And it was a heck of a push to get out even then.  Just so tired, inside, my heart, my body, my mind, everything.  Painfully tired.  Goodnight.