Awake for no good reason.

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Is it medicine that is causing odd sleep patterns?  I did increase the carvedilol, and that is heavy stuff.  I need to get back to carnivore dieting, to lower that medicine.  It's just rough.  Though, too, it's the weather.  This spring has been cool to cold, damp, and dark.  The last few days have been more pleasant, but even they have seen periods where weather closed in, maybe even rain?

Sleep was good.  Hmm, may go back before long.  I was thirsty.  Oh, and I wanted to get coffee, and collagen, in.  Plus water.  I had run out of La Croix.  While out, I picked up a lot.  Can't really mix collagen with it, but can get some fluid down.  And, the various flavors... some mix well with the powdered electrolytes.  Sometimes I use flat water (from the counter top reverse osmosis system), but just as often I'll use the La Croix water of some type or other.

Why buy canned water?  Because r.o. water is only tolerable to a degree.  With medicines, and other things?  Especially the waterpills?  I need more water.  And I can't drink that much.  But I need the waterpills because the heart backflushes into my lungs otherwise.

My body doesn't work right.  Everything I do is just an effort to keep one foot out of the grave.  I can't keep both out.  But, usually, sometimes, I can get out out, or... an arm.  I have to do what seems to work, until that too fails, and I must find another way.  It's just how it goes.  You have absolutely no idea how much work I do to not die.  Die?  Or... something.

Before I started trying to tend things, I didn't die.  But, I would sleep for weeks, even a month, at a time.  Which... sort of reset things.  That was a wretched way to exist.  Waking up thirty, starving, needing a shower, not knowing what was happening in the world, or my own home.

So... now... I do what I can.  Helps that they decided to treat the medical.  As... well or questionably as that has been.  But, still.  It seems to be helping.  There are limits.  I may well be at those limits.  Possibly, probably, beyond them.  They expected me to die, long ago.  They didn't think the medicine would help.  They triaged me to exclusion, if some of that was their group think, belief in multiculturalism, and other lies... which I don't accept.  But... it doesn't matter.  I couldn't die, so eventually even the liars had to treat me.  Even genocidally trained "professionals" eventually have a crisis of conscience, realize they have truly become the Nazi's... just from the opposite direction.  Quite funny, in a way.  Seen from the outside, if you survive them.

Anyway... so... yes, more water.  And collagen.  And, some coffee.  I'll be up a bit longer, maybe a lot.  Who knows.  Life is a bit sideways lately.  But... it's life.  Later.