Pushing through.

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I just hit a wall, but it is noon thirty.  I was sure I was awake to later in the day, yesterday, but maybe not.  Because it is murder to be up this late today.  I can't see having been awake later yesterday.  I was dying then, too.

Blood sugar is 123.  And... the weekly has bumped up.  There algo for that is... odd... though.  I don't trust it completely.  It may be there, as much, to cause the sale of drugs as anything else.  It's... not to be trusted completely.  Still, all of the averages are still... hmm... better?  With weekly bumped, but the others coming down nicely, weekly, biweekly, monthly, and three month averages (the latter was 150s just five days ago?  Ten?  Or in there): 133, 114, 111, and 134.  Good... could be better.  Maybe veggies, even if keto type, I'm just not ready for it?  Ugh.

That... three month/90-day?  That's the best blood sugar average for that long I have seen.  Since testing started, over a decade ago, I've never seen an extended average that good.

Now, you would think this would mean something, for my health, function.  It... really doesn't mean much.  It just means diabetic symptoms won't get worse.  The damage is done.  And... whatever else is wrong, and has been wrong for going on three generations, as one increment of counting that, remains beyond that.

Exhausted.  Pushing.  Well, at least I don't have actual sleep paralysis anymore.  That was one of the most horrible things.  Couldn't move, was awake, listening, hoping someone would see fit to shake me awake.  Then again, I'm not sure I was much more liked back then, than I am now.  It is how life is?  Or... just for some?  I can't be sure.  I think everyone... is loved, and hated?  More than they know, but they will find out?  It can almost break a man.  Even, especially, a strange one.

But... don't let it.  Pray for those who hate you.  Not... that they find wisdom, that they find a way to live without hate.  Even if you deserve it.  I do.  I am sure.  Rules broken here, thoughts not prescribed by X, or Y.  Nature that is odd.  Thoughts, jests, pokes in watching eyes.  Oh, yes... but hate isn't something one should entertain, even if just.  Words... to the wise.

I'm thirsty.  Want more water.  But it's bedtime.  I just won't.  Good night, morning, and day.