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I had Sassy put down today. It's been... an understood necessity for months, nearing a year. I knew it had to be done. I scheduled it to give us a final two weeks, after stalling a month on top of that. She knew. She was ready. She all but begged for it. Neither of us, no matter our delays and preps and all, were ready.
I went with her, stayed with her. Watched over her as she slept. Stayed with her in form and spirit as she died. I cooed as I could, prayed, cried.
When they were putting her into her little coffin, I swore she seemed to move! Still alive! But... I knew better. But so wanted her to somehow still be alive. The tricks our minds hearts and wills play on us.
I... am not ready to bury her. I... need to see her a few more times, pet her, talk to her. So I set her coffin in the deep freeze, as I did with Sam. Not so long, this time. A few days, a week, two. I'll know when I can let her go. When I am ready, able.
She slept well. Then died well, quickly. I always fear I did the wrong thing. But I know it was her time, possibly a bit beyond that. Oh but this hurts. I am going to sleep for... a day, two, three? Whatever is needed.
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