Awake for a while?

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Not comfortably.  Though when I try to recall the last time I was comfortable for even a whole week I fail.  Years, if not decades since I felt good for long, four decades since feeling good was... normal?  Oh, sometimes, the pains, strains, wrongness, is minor, or even background noise.  If I busy myself or don't think about it, or can concentrate diligently enough, I can believe I am... good.

I don't mind.  Sometimes pain is all I know.  If I have learned to work through, rest through, or sleep through even that.

Today?  Mostly good.  Just, I would say, the usual background suffering.  The exhaustion is what has me by the balls.  Not a terrible thing.  Just a bit off-putting, annoying, limiting.  But not awful, mostly.  An ongoing headache, and neck and shoulder aches, from extended downtime.

The weather remains warm.  Into the low 80s, high 40s for lows.  It should be in the 60s, for highs, maybe 50s.  Nearing or occasionally freezing for lows.  The thing in the Pacific is doing it's thing.

Making rice tonight, the right way.  I will have a spot of it, I think warm, with butter and soy sauce, perhaps cheese as well.  Unlike  ramen noodles, rice has nutrition, not just flavor.  More work, to cook it correctly, in bulk.  But by bowl, not all that much difference.  And, with actual butter and soy, there is real natural flavor and nutrition.  If you buy actual, not chemically derived, soy sauce... actually made from fermented soy.  Which I do.  Don't buy American soy, not even the Japanese branded.  They adulterate it when made in and for Americans.

A fatted coffee while I make the rice.  A bit of fruit earlier.  Hungry.  Definitely, strangely, peckish.  Almost ravenous.  So very strange.  It happens, from time to time.  The trick is to steer that to better foods, not just consume at large with abandon.  No abandon?  You... know what I mean.  Whether it is sex, food, drink, or else, the call of the wild happens.  I have learned... management, to... some degree.  Definitely of a beastly nature.  If massively blessed to resist by a beneficent God.  If it took great, grave, pains to understand then accept that gift.  To... within my means.

I could almost feast on a raw stag, or steer, goat, or such, tonight.  Something... dangerous stirs.  Care, caution, as I traverse this eve.  Later.