I arose slowly this morn. Stiff, sore, and tired, I finally pushed or pulled out of the sublime firm yet gently bed. The down pillows still whispering a lullaby, the warmth of the blankets suggesting there was still a place for me, I resisted and entered the day. The day did not rocket off into immediate work and success, but the flow from asleep to awake and functioning was solid and kind. After a mere half hour, I had set out my plans for the day and started to gather my wits and my goods, dressing and grooming, and finally grabbing a tangelo to eat.
There had not been many of the items my friend had asked me to price, so I decided that would be the first place of business. I arrived with some nervousness, and headed back to the area I had seen them. A bit of shock and a upset feeling struck me as I came to the spot I had initially seen these items. However, I seemed to remember a palette lifter near them and then I remembered getting a sense that these were going to be moved. I did not see them being moved, but I just got that sense. So, I looked around just a bit for the palette loader, and then headed toward it. I could not see if the items where near, as everything was tucked well into the isle and there was something blocking my view. Yes, the items were there, and so I grabbed two. I had thought to pick them up and just carry them to the check out counter. Now, I think I could have done it but that action would have been neither safe for me or others, nor seemly in any fashion. So, I grabbed two of the objects, placed them on the palette lifter, and headed to the register, with some care even so.
It was a bit of a task to get these items loaded, then to drive carefully to my friend’s place, and deliver them. Just by chance, they were awake and about ready to leave. As such, I was able to find exactly where the items were desired, and to hand my friend the receipt. “Is Friday early enough to pay for these?”. Of course, you my dear readers, know I am giving as I can be. And, there is no real difference between Friday and today, as I have a small amount of extra cash (for the trip, among other things). So, in even more honesty, what my friend saw as a favor was not a favor of cost to me. As a fact, if that is a real burden, I am going to offer that they pay half this payday and half next payday. What are friends for?
So, having that done, I decided to head to the library. As I was on the street and about to turn into the library, I realized I had been considering music information. With a fine local music store right there, on the other side of the street, I decided to go there first. I spoke with a younger gentleman tending the register. He seemed knowledgeable, so I gave him the lead, only from time to time asking a question or suggesting a need or wish. He was a well of good information. From pricing to an email contact with the lady who would be offering the lessons. I may contact her, in advance, however, I am not planning to begin lessons again until after I return from Colorado and Nevada and see what the damages are. But, I probably, as I said, will be writing her shortly.
After that excursion, I again set my sights upon the library. There is a good deal of remodeling going on, both inside and outside. There is nothing seriously impeding access, yet, trying to figure out where to go takes just a moment of guesswork, then leg work. After a first shot zeroing on the correct door needed for entrance, I made my way into the main chamber. Looking around just a wee more, and the front desk was located and approached. A brief discussion ended with me leaving empty handed, if informed. I am living in the area, to be sure, but I am not registered in the area. I find many reasons not to advocate the socialism and communism herearound and choose to maintain a student residency only here. However, a utility bill (recent) with my name and local address should suffice. This empty handed retreat was actually just a lack of foresight on my part. I honestly should have know this, considering it is a government and a local institution, and knowing my residency situation (a distinct choice, by the way). Well, perhaps tomorrow, or later this week. Though she did indicate that they will be closing shop for several weeks in order to complete the renovations surrounding the building and grounds, but I did not catch the exact day. I am thinking she said Thursday, so... the sooner the better or I might lose track. Oh well, I might start some research online, though I would rather do any actual research based on books. The internet might provide me with a better background from which to begin my classic research, not a bad thing.
It has been a hot day. I have begun to get very red faced, more so at times, but nearly beat red at the upper end. It is a bit the sunshine, a bit the heating of my body, and something else. I look red enough that I get the strangest looks. No, I am not burning as this is only the sunshine while driving and then going into the stores these last two days. And, I am not having some physical problem, no hyperventilation, sun stroke, or any of that. It is just a personal oddity. Oh, and I can handle the heat while I am awake, at least as well as anyone (if I like it less than most). I just cannot sleep when it gets 70 to 72 or warmer.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Sore loser? No, just sore.
Yesterday was quite a day. And I had plans to make today another major day. Well, maybe not so much. My upper body is a little stiff and cranky, but that left cheek area remains the main and most difficult complaint. Then I remembered that I owned an electric massage machine, a good one, a powerful one. I used that a bit this morning and it did loosen up upper and lower body a good deal. So, while still stiff, I am not hobbling around like a wounded crawdad or something. And, the upper body enjoyed it’s share of the treatment.
I played piano again last night, after a bit of a nap. I crashed, hard, at about 20:00, but awoke at 24:00, as the temperature in my place finally overcame my need for sleep. It had crept up to 72 F degrees and it was too hot for me to consider sleeping (though it may have been that warm or warmer but I was so tired I slept anyway… the reason I cannot sleep in that temperature (without air movement or something, in an enclosure at least, is because I feel like I am choking… I fear heat (and humidity) now like some people fear spiders or heights... it is death, to me, somehow).
Oh, that friend I was price shopping for gave me the nod, so I will go see if I can pick those items up. Having my type of vehicle and as free of a schedule as I do should make me the mark for this kind of chore more often. And, yes, even if you are a libtard, I am nice enough to do these things for most people. I am just not well enough known, I suspect. The people with whom I do have contact, however, seem generally to be do-it-yourselfers, and try desperately to maintain an air (and reality for the most part) of independence. Then again, I will not complain about that, I encourage it. Still, I enjoy doing the little things I can do when I get the chance.
Today, another day and a good one. I felt right enough this morning, and I have a feeling I am moving forward enough, that… I just prayed thanking God for the day. My life is in His hands, I hope His will is done through my life. My hands, as best as I am able, have been surrendered to His will, let it be.
I will be picking up those items, then I think I will stop at the local library. I will not walk to the library, as I had hoped. I will, however, pick up a library card and browse their goods. I have decided to look into the mathematical methods used to evaluate pi. Oh sure, to some of you it is a simple thing (if you already know it), to others of you it might be a useless thing. Truth be told, I have no actual purpose to know this. However, the mathematic method behind it, the understanding and manipulation of which, could not be a bad thing for an engineering type to have in the pocket. As well, as a young teen, doing this had been a possibility as a science fair project. I was merely to go as far with the calculations as possible. Unfortunately, I did not end up doing that project. I suppose, along with the other reasons, this is part of the push.
I am not sure what else I will do, if anything. But, for today, that should be enough. Oh, I think I will be hitting the massager again a time or two. Getting started lifting weights was the hardest part. But that was yesterday. My hardest part with weight lifting begins tomorrow. And it will not, probably, ever get easier. I will have to push to get back in shape and gain some standard strength again. Then again, is not everything in my life more day to day than almost any of you could know? Like or not, you have a path, a purpose, reasons, knowledge, experience, and little choice other than to go on, one way or another. I have none of these, I have to create these from whole cloth, which itself is not woven yet. I will not complain, my lot is not bad if a bit of a gilded cage. And, I can change this (possibly?), while others cannot.
I played piano again last night, after a bit of a nap. I crashed, hard, at about 20:00, but awoke at 24:00, as the temperature in my place finally overcame my need for sleep. It had crept up to 72 F degrees and it was too hot for me to consider sleeping (though it may have been that warm or warmer but I was so tired I slept anyway… the reason I cannot sleep in that temperature (without air movement or something, in an enclosure at least, is because I feel like I am choking… I fear heat (and humidity) now like some people fear spiders or heights... it is death, to me, somehow).
Oh, that friend I was price shopping for gave me the nod, so I will go see if I can pick those items up. Having my type of vehicle and as free of a schedule as I do should make me the mark for this kind of chore more often. And, yes, even if you are a libtard, I am nice enough to do these things for most people. I am just not well enough known, I suspect. The people with whom I do have contact, however, seem generally to be do-it-yourselfers, and try desperately to maintain an air (and reality for the most part) of independence. Then again, I will not complain about that, I encourage it. Still, I enjoy doing the little things I can do when I get the chance.
Today, another day and a good one. I felt right enough this morning, and I have a feeling I am moving forward enough, that… I just prayed thanking God for the day. My life is in His hands, I hope His will is done through my life. My hands, as best as I am able, have been surrendered to His will, let it be.
I will be picking up those items, then I think I will stop at the local library. I will not walk to the library, as I had hoped. I will, however, pick up a library card and browse their goods. I have decided to look into the mathematical methods used to evaluate pi. Oh sure, to some of you it is a simple thing (if you already know it), to others of you it might be a useless thing. Truth be told, I have no actual purpose to know this. However, the mathematic method behind it, the understanding and manipulation of which, could not be a bad thing for an engineering type to have in the pocket. As well, as a young teen, doing this had been a possibility as a science fair project. I was merely to go as far with the calculations as possible. Unfortunately, I did not end up doing that project. I suppose, along with the other reasons, this is part of the push.
I am not sure what else I will do, if anything. But, for today, that should be enough. Oh, I think I will be hitting the massager again a time or two. Getting started lifting weights was the hardest part. But that was yesterday. My hardest part with weight lifting begins tomorrow. And it will not, probably, ever get easier. I will have to push to get back in shape and gain some standard strength again. Then again, is not everything in my life more day to day than almost any of you could know? Like or not, you have a path, a purpose, reasons, knowledge, experience, and little choice other than to go on, one way or another. I have none of these, I have to create these from whole cloth, which itself is not woven yet. I will not complain, my lot is not bad if a bit of a gilded cage. And, I can change this (possibly?), while others cannot.
Monday, May 5, 2008
Not bad, given everything?
As I may have noted, I did rise and shine early and well. I was cooked out of sleep and that is fine. I woke to a full day of things I wanted to get done and little hope of probably doing it all. Is that always how life goes? I had wanted to work out, everything was definitely set up for that. I wanted to practice piano, another easy task. I was hoping to go bowling, do some price checking for a friend, write something I had indicated I would write for a group to which I belong. Lots of stuff, and of course, a few other things just hanging around, nagging me into action (or is it inaction toward which nagging leads me?).
Well, my lady friend decided today would be a good day to drop by. I had told her I had Queen Elizabeth (the movie), with whozits. I had told her I did not wish to watch it alone, it seemed to odd a thing to watch without having a woman around to excuse the action. So, this morning, unbidden and without much warning, she called to let me know she would be over, and asked what I had for breakfast. Fruit, cold cereals, grain (hot) cereals, eggs, and bacon I indicated. Hmm, that was not good enough, she thought, so… and she left it there. I do not care if someone complains, so long as she takes care of her complaints or reasonably allows me to help.
Ten minutes later, my doorbell rang. It was not my friend, as I expected. It was the domestic… urhm, home health aid… something like that. Have to watch for all the sensitivities these days, what is in a name or title can get you harassed, arrested, or put away somewhere else. Anyway, I had no warning she was supposed to be here. There were some things for her to do, but I had hoped to get a specific area cleaned the next time one of the ladies was here, but that area was going to be being occupied by my other surprise guest, so that could not be. As well, while engaged with company, I would not have been able to help in the cleaning (which is necessary until this place is a bit more correct). I am hoping after one or two more sessions, the cleaning might be very quick and automatic. Just dusting, vacuuming, sweep, maybe mop, restroom cleaning, and an odd or end along with that.
Yeah, I can see people saying “Do you really need a nurse and home health provider”? And it is a valid question. All I am going to say is that my ability to function and my functionality is at the highest it has been in… (decades? Yes, in) decades. And, the meds were not able to do it alone. I have been on them for over a year now, and they had not lifted me quite to this point, ever. If I can get help, even just help, on the things that allow me to function but which I cannot do or do alone, there is a great chance I may be able to focus on that which I can do, and get back into the game of life. So, yes, I probably do need this. Are you really going to begrudge a man who has been outside of life for two decades a chance to get back in? It would be great to have a wife who would be willing to tend these things, especially in the hope that I might work my way to a higher income. But even if I could just better manage my share of a shared life would not be too bad, especially if that grew to include fatherhood.
Oh, right, back to the list of duties, tasks, and diversions. I did every single one of them. Actually, it ended up that the advice I received about weight lifting was right on track. I almost did not complete the last two sets of the last of 7 sets of exercises, but I pushed on. They were hard, but they really were not killing me. I did every last one, and I was tired. A quick shower and then I played piano for about a half an hour. When I was dried and cool, I dressed and headed out to find the price of some items. I stopped at two places, then just called four more businesses when I returned home. After I came to a conclusion, I sent the friend a voice message. But before returning home, and after stopping at the two places, I went bowling. Ouch! That hurt. Oddly, my left butt cheek hurts like the dickens! That reverse kick to counterbalance the bowling ball is using muscles, tendons, or something that I have not used in so long, it seems I am reinventing every scintilla of that unknown. Knitting muscle from bone, it seems, and it HURTS. I limped, hopped, and skipped through two games of bowling, in spite of wanting to quit this too. I think it will be another week before I go. When I returned, and after I placed those price check calls, I got to the writing of an article for my group.
I am quite pleased. And yet I am not done. I will play some more piano, play some WoW, then maybe watch some tv. Oh, yeah, I also called my Mom. She says hi, by the way. Yes, she is like me that way. Her favorite show is on tonight, and she suggested I watch it. It is not my favorite show, but it is ok, for Hollywood anyway. So, I will try to find when Two and a Half Men plays in my area, and that will end my day (or become a part of it, depending how late it shows). Hmmm, popcorn? Yes, I think popcorn would be a great way to finish the day. Popped in one of those old kettles just for popping popcorn, with the stirring rake and handle mechanism to pop it all and well. Mmhm, popcorn.
Oh, tomorrow has at least one thing on the list. When I went to play the DVD, my system would not work. I cannot be sure, but I may have tried to rewire my system before I went to my Mom’s house. In doing so, I may have hooked something up wrong. Well, if the lady and I are to enjoy a show, I had best get the system working (or remember how it works, four remotes and satellite stereo can be a chore and a pain). Scratch that, make it two things on tomorrow's list. The local library is local enough that I can walk there I do believe. So I believe, on top of getting the DVD working, I will begin some sort of research project or another. Who knows, I might actually find something interesting to study and try to understand independently. Wish me luck?
*poof*
Well, my lady friend decided today would be a good day to drop by. I had told her I had Queen Elizabeth (the movie), with whozits. I had told her I did not wish to watch it alone, it seemed to odd a thing to watch without having a woman around to excuse the action. So, this morning, unbidden and without much warning, she called to let me know she would be over, and asked what I had for breakfast. Fruit, cold cereals, grain (hot) cereals, eggs, and bacon I indicated. Hmm, that was not good enough, she thought, so… and she left it there. I do not care if someone complains, so long as she takes care of her complaints or reasonably allows me to help.
Ten minutes later, my doorbell rang. It was not my friend, as I expected. It was the domestic… urhm, home health aid… something like that. Have to watch for all the sensitivities these days, what is in a name or title can get you harassed, arrested, or put away somewhere else. Anyway, I had no warning she was supposed to be here. There were some things for her to do, but I had hoped to get a specific area cleaned the next time one of the ladies was here, but that area was going to be being occupied by my other surprise guest, so that could not be. As well, while engaged with company, I would not have been able to help in the cleaning (which is necessary until this place is a bit more correct). I am hoping after one or two more sessions, the cleaning might be very quick and automatic. Just dusting, vacuuming, sweep, maybe mop, restroom cleaning, and an odd or end along with that.
Yeah, I can see people saying “Do you really need a nurse and home health provider”? And it is a valid question. All I am going to say is that my ability to function and my functionality is at the highest it has been in… (decades? Yes, in) decades. And, the meds were not able to do it alone. I have been on them for over a year now, and they had not lifted me quite to this point, ever. If I can get help, even just help, on the things that allow me to function but which I cannot do or do alone, there is a great chance I may be able to focus on that which I can do, and get back into the game of life. So, yes, I probably do need this. Are you really going to begrudge a man who has been outside of life for two decades a chance to get back in? It would be great to have a wife who would be willing to tend these things, especially in the hope that I might work my way to a higher income. But even if I could just better manage my share of a shared life would not be too bad, especially if that grew to include fatherhood.
Oh, right, back to the list of duties, tasks, and diversions. I did every single one of them. Actually, it ended up that the advice I received about weight lifting was right on track. I almost did not complete the last two sets of the last of 7 sets of exercises, but I pushed on. They were hard, but they really were not killing me. I did every last one, and I was tired. A quick shower and then I played piano for about a half an hour. When I was dried and cool, I dressed and headed out to find the price of some items. I stopped at two places, then just called four more businesses when I returned home. After I came to a conclusion, I sent the friend a voice message. But before returning home, and after stopping at the two places, I went bowling. Ouch! That hurt. Oddly, my left butt cheek hurts like the dickens! That reverse kick to counterbalance the bowling ball is using muscles, tendons, or something that I have not used in so long, it seems I am reinventing every scintilla of that unknown. Knitting muscle from bone, it seems, and it HURTS. I limped, hopped, and skipped through two games of bowling, in spite of wanting to quit this too. I think it will be another week before I go. When I returned, and after I placed those price check calls, I got to the writing of an article for my group.
I am quite pleased. And yet I am not done. I will play some more piano, play some WoW, then maybe watch some tv. Oh, yeah, I also called my Mom. She says hi, by the way. Yes, she is like me that way. Her favorite show is on tonight, and she suggested I watch it. It is not my favorite show, but it is ok, for Hollywood anyway. So, I will try to find when Two and a Half Men plays in my area, and that will end my day (or become a part of it, depending how late it shows). Hmmm, popcorn? Yes, I think popcorn would be a great way to finish the day. Popped in one of those old kettles just for popping popcorn, with the stirring rake and handle mechanism to pop it all and well. Mmhm, popcorn.
Oh, tomorrow has at least one thing on the list. When I went to play the DVD, my system would not work. I cannot be sure, but I may have tried to rewire my system before I went to my Mom’s house. In doing so, I may have hooked something up wrong. Well, if the lady and I are to enjoy a show, I had best get the system working (or remember how it works, four remotes and satellite stereo can be a chore and a pain). Scratch that, make it two things on tomorrow's list. The local library is local enough that I can walk there I do believe. So I believe, on top of getting the DVD working, I will begin some sort of research project or another. Who knows, I might actually find something interesting to study and try to understand independently. Wish me luck?
*poof*
A success!
You may not remember, but back when I had a programmable thermostatic control installed. Once it was installed, I considered how to program the thing. I decided that a very warm morning led to an earlier easier awakening (in theory, if with some supporting practicum to support the theory). The theory, now that the furnace is back on, is working well this morning. I was up within 15 or 20 minutes of the furnace kicking out the heat. Initially just to figure out what the problem was, then a few minutes later because it was too warm for me to sleep comfortably. Or, actually, to sleep at all. Over 70 to 72 degrees in this confined space, and I cannot take enough off to be cool enough to sleep. The furnace pushes it to 74, which makes me feel like I am being cooked, but it also wakes me up.
Today has great possibilities. It is set to be my first day of weight lifting. I, if that does not sink me, will also go bowling. Bowling was not really an upper body workout, though the control needed to try and bowl correctly left some corollary muscles a bit tender. Like I said, it is better for the legs. As well, perhaps I might get in on the piano again. It was fun to bang like a chimpanzee on my bongos… Dire Straights are out of the mainstream, and it was piano keys not bongos, but the point is the same, at this time. Wait, no, I am not getting money for nothing or chicks for free. A rotten example, as it turns out.
I did get into my beer a bit last night. It was a good night for doing that. Less than a six pack, probably only 4 or 5 beers over the evening. That is what goes for partying around here, and it does not happen all that often. Oh shoot, several things on a to-do list I seem to have not gotten to this weekend, some of it I had promised to tend. I will have to get on those. At least I finished a bit of blogging, got up early, and am getting set on the rest of it. I hope your day is looking up, moving forward, or at least is sufferable.
Today has great possibilities. It is set to be my first day of weight lifting. I, if that does not sink me, will also go bowling. Bowling was not really an upper body workout, though the control needed to try and bowl correctly left some corollary muscles a bit tender. Like I said, it is better for the legs. As well, perhaps I might get in on the piano again. It was fun to bang like a chimpanzee on my bongos… Dire Straights are out of the mainstream, and it was piano keys not bongos, but the point is the same, at this time. Wait, no, I am not getting money for nothing or chicks for free. A rotten example, as it turns out.
I did get into my beer a bit last night. It was a good night for doing that. Less than a six pack, probably only 4 or 5 beers over the evening. That is what goes for partying around here, and it does not happen all that often. Oh shoot, several things on a to-do list I seem to have not gotten to this weekend, some of it I had promised to tend. I will have to get on those. At least I finished a bit of blogging, got up early, and am getting set on the rest of it. I hope your day is looking up, moving forward, or at least is sufferable.
Sunday, May 4, 2008
In spite of my notions…
Though I had indicated I would not be doing anything on Sundays, it was such a beautiful day I just could not stay in. As well, as I am gearing up to get things in order for the trip, college, and life again, I just cannot sit still. If I had been awake earlier, I probably would have gone on to church. Though too, I am guessing that turning the furnace on and closing the windows has already begun to make a difference. I was a bit excited, but not sure what to do or where to go.
In the end, I decided to go plinking. I have not had much of a chance to take the fixed .22 pistol out for target practice. I thought about taking the .22 rifle as well, but that started to sound like more than I was really interested in messing with. I do need to get the scope on the rifle sighted in, to 50 yards optimally. But I do not want to be trying to adjust two weapons at the same time. It seemed that it would end up all work and no fun, and this Jack is not a dull boy.
I grabbed the pistol, a spinning target, a sound dampening headset, and enough ammunition to probably cut down a tree, even with it being .22 caliber. I have that much ammo, initially, to find which ammunition the pistol and rifle seem to like the best. Though, if I find a truly stand out ammunition, I will have 2 to 4 thousand rounds for each firearm. Then, I will turn it over about every six months to a year, with any good fortune (the stuff is truly cheap, even the “good” .22 stuff if it ends up preferring that). I get the goods wrangled into the Xterra, and off I go. I head out to my usual shooting grounds, a public shooting area a bit north, near a wildlife area.
I crank up some Metallica and then later Ozzy gets his turn, and I just enjoy the ride. As I leave the main road to get on the final spit of dirt road into the area, I note a problem. There is water way up over the road and into the back-dropping hills. There will be no shooting today. Even with a snorkel, I would not be able to get through this. Bummer. Back to the house, I suppose. On the way, I think to stop at Hy-Vee and pick up some romaine lettuce or a summer mix of lettuce, perhaps also to refill some of my water jugs. The place is packed, so I just scoot on home. Two for two, but the ride was fun, getting out was not a bad thing, I guess losing is not always complete.
I might have to see if my fingers can dance on the keyboard of the electric piano. It is open and easy to access now. Even if I do not have a learning session available, I can repeat the old to get back in the game. See you, would not want to be you.
In the end, I decided to go plinking. I have not had much of a chance to take the fixed .22 pistol out for target practice. I thought about taking the .22 rifle as well, but that started to sound like more than I was really interested in messing with. I do need to get the scope on the rifle sighted in, to 50 yards optimally. But I do not want to be trying to adjust two weapons at the same time. It seemed that it would end up all work and no fun, and this Jack is not a dull boy.
I grabbed the pistol, a spinning target, a sound dampening headset, and enough ammunition to probably cut down a tree, even with it being .22 caliber. I have that much ammo, initially, to find which ammunition the pistol and rifle seem to like the best. Though, if I find a truly stand out ammunition, I will have 2 to 4 thousand rounds for each firearm. Then, I will turn it over about every six months to a year, with any good fortune (the stuff is truly cheap, even the “good” .22 stuff if it ends up preferring that). I get the goods wrangled into the Xterra, and off I go. I head out to my usual shooting grounds, a public shooting area a bit north, near a wildlife area.
I crank up some Metallica and then later Ozzy gets his turn, and I just enjoy the ride. As I leave the main road to get on the final spit of dirt road into the area, I note a problem. There is water way up over the road and into the back-dropping hills. There will be no shooting today. Even with a snorkel, I would not be able to get through this. Bummer. Back to the house, I suppose. On the way, I think to stop at Hy-Vee and pick up some romaine lettuce or a summer mix of lettuce, perhaps also to refill some of my water jugs. The place is packed, so I just scoot on home. Two for two, but the ride was fun, getting out was not a bad thing, I guess losing is not always complete.
I might have to see if my fingers can dance on the keyboard of the electric piano. It is open and easy to access now. Even if I do not have a learning session available, I can repeat the old to get back in the game. See you, would not want to be you.
Duh! Did I say “Duh!”? Let me say it again.
Duh! A term used to indicate a piece of knowledge, an action, or just that saying the right thing is or should be extremely obvious. It is said because the obvious part was or was almost missed and the consequences would have been at least troubling. Such as being too honest when a woman asks if she looks fat in jeans. Well, I like fat bottoms (according to how women see things anyway), so my first answers were always “Heck yes, you look nice and fat in those jeans!”. See, not a good answer. I have learned to cut out the “and fat”, and life has smoothed out immensely (if not as fun, so I mix it in once in a while anyway, but not in the "Duh!" way. And, I am still not lying either way. So, what is this “Duh!” about?
I have been having trouble waking and getting going. It had gotten a bit worse when I returned from my Mother’s house, in spite of maintaining my medicinal regimen. The place is getting cleaner, the medicine are working, I have even added an extra “get up and go” pill to the line-up. So, what is the problem? It came to me this morning when I stumbled out of my room at about 10:00 or 11:00 this morning. I looked at the temp, it was 60 F degrees in here. Doh! Duh! You see, when I first returned, it was warm and getting warmer. The house needed aired out as well. So, I turned off the furnace, opened some windows for a cross breeze in the living room and kitchen area, then did not think another thing about it. I like it chilly, as cool as 66, no warmer than 72, in my unders (in-house attire). But 60 is just a bit out, and will cause lethargy. Now, I am not sure turning the heat on and up will help a great deal, though it might. But I am guessing that keeping the place between 68 and 72 will help just enough.
Oh, another thing though unrelated. My legs are very sore. I am quite sure it is from bowling. With the weight of the ball, the creeping forward form, and then the extension counter balance as my arm sends the ball forward and the leg kicks back for balance, these legs of mine are grumpy. My arms are a bit, just the reach and some angels, but nothing like my legs and butt. Still, I will probably go bowling again Monday. If you have ever worked out, seriously, you know that if it burns, you are doing it correctly. Since I will not be working my legs with weights, this is one good method for working my legs. But, oooouuuucccchhhh! I will get over it.
I have been having trouble waking and getting going. It had gotten a bit worse when I returned from my Mother’s house, in spite of maintaining my medicinal regimen. The place is getting cleaner, the medicine are working, I have even added an extra “get up and go” pill to the line-up. So, what is the problem? It came to me this morning when I stumbled out of my room at about 10:00 or 11:00 this morning. I looked at the temp, it was 60 F degrees in here. Doh! Duh! You see, when I first returned, it was warm and getting warmer. The house needed aired out as well. So, I turned off the furnace, opened some windows for a cross breeze in the living room and kitchen area, then did not think another thing about it. I like it chilly, as cool as 66, no warmer than 72, in my unders (in-house attire). But 60 is just a bit out, and will cause lethargy. Now, I am not sure turning the heat on and up will help a great deal, though it might. But I am guessing that keeping the place between 68 and 72 will help just enough.
Oh, another thing though unrelated. My legs are very sore. I am quite sure it is from bowling. With the weight of the ball, the creeping forward form, and then the extension counter balance as my arm sends the ball forward and the leg kicks back for balance, these legs of mine are grumpy. My arms are a bit, just the reach and some angels, but nothing like my legs and butt. Still, I will probably go bowling again Monday. If you have ever worked out, seriously, you know that if it burns, you are doing it correctly. Since I will not be working my legs with weights, this is one good method for working my legs. But, oooouuuucccchhhh! I will get over it.
Saturday, May 3, 2008
Weights!
After taking a look around the weight room, moving a few things just a bit, and sorting a few other items, I believe the room is again a functional weight training area. That being the case, I went online tonight in order to seek a regimen. After a few false starts, promising sites that led from page to page, finally saying, just hand us your credit card and we will give you everything we have been promising up to this point. *sigh* That IS capitalism. It also sucks for such a common thing. Sell something else, not physical fitness information. Beside that, I know it is offered free if I just hunt and peck. Sure enough, I found a decent site.
It has been some time since I worked out, yet I have some notion of good and bad information. The site I chose is “sufficient” and accurate. Anyone telling you that you need to do things exactly as they do (or at least how they tell you to do them) is probably dead wrong. The more complex the regimen, as well, the more likely it is to fail. This site was simple. Though it does not offer a great deal of variance, that is not necessary initially. Nor does it need to offer variance as long as it discusses which muscle groups to hit how hard and gives a good example exercise, which this site does. There system of increasing weight both through the workout and then through time was a little complicated at first glance (and in part because I could not initially find a necessary deciphering page (which ended up being a scroll down, rather than on it’s own page)).
All said and done, after tinkering with their system and figuring out how it works, then testing my strength according to their instructions using my weights, I have set up a 6 week workout. I will be doing 7 different exercises, progressively stepped through each work out and then throughout the weeks, though I decided against two of the exercises (shrugs and squats, shrugs just cause (I do not believe I need, yet), and squats because my knees are too weak, always have been mostly). As for my legs, I think some hiking, swimming, and bowling should do the trick. I just need to focus on my kick while swimming.
I should be through this regimen, this starter regimen, by the time I head out to Colorado and Nevada. I am hoping it helps, though most likely I will not even look that much better, in truth. Something I noticed when I bowled, however, was that though I am still strong, it is not a graceful strength. I bowled more like Frankenstein less like a ballerina. Yes, I do know the difference, yes it bothers me, and yes, this might help that a bit. It is all it increments, folks. Oh, and I am being careful. I am not going near my maximums, merely, as the wise folks indicate, doing slightly more than majority percentages of maximums to begin with, and actually all the way through the regimen except for the last of the exercises the last of the weeks, by which time I will probably have new maximums in spite of continuing to percentage off the initial maximums. Though a prayer that I do not break my arm, leg, back, or neck could never hurt! Ha!
Who knows, I may have to find a good self teaching piano course and begin at the beginning again there too. Damn but if it is not a fine thing to tinkle out a classic. Baroque is calling, it always does, it is akin to the calling I received to become Catholic if a bit milder and not quite so spiritually commanding. God is tricksies. I am nervous.
It has been some time since I worked out, yet I have some notion of good and bad information. The site I chose is “sufficient” and accurate. Anyone telling you that you need to do things exactly as they do (or at least how they tell you to do them) is probably dead wrong. The more complex the regimen, as well, the more likely it is to fail. This site was simple. Though it does not offer a great deal of variance, that is not necessary initially. Nor does it need to offer variance as long as it discusses which muscle groups to hit how hard and gives a good example exercise, which this site does. There system of increasing weight both through the workout and then through time was a little complicated at first glance (and in part because I could not initially find a necessary deciphering page (which ended up being a scroll down, rather than on it’s own page)).
All said and done, after tinkering with their system and figuring out how it works, then testing my strength according to their instructions using my weights, I have set up a 6 week workout. I will be doing 7 different exercises, progressively stepped through each work out and then throughout the weeks, though I decided against two of the exercises (shrugs and squats, shrugs just cause (I do not believe I need, yet), and squats because my knees are too weak, always have been mostly). As for my legs, I think some hiking, swimming, and bowling should do the trick. I just need to focus on my kick while swimming.
I should be through this regimen, this starter regimen, by the time I head out to Colorado and Nevada. I am hoping it helps, though most likely I will not even look that much better, in truth. Something I noticed when I bowled, however, was that though I am still strong, it is not a graceful strength. I bowled more like Frankenstein less like a ballerina. Yes, I do know the difference, yes it bothers me, and yes, this might help that a bit. It is all it increments, folks. Oh, and I am being careful. I am not going near my maximums, merely, as the wise folks indicate, doing slightly more than majority percentages of maximums to begin with, and actually all the way through the regimen except for the last of the exercises the last of the weeks, by which time I will probably have new maximums in spite of continuing to percentage off the initial maximums. Though a prayer that I do not break my arm, leg, back, or neck could never hurt! Ha!
Who knows, I may have to find a good self teaching piano course and begin at the beginning again there too. Damn but if it is not a fine thing to tinkle out a classic. Baroque is calling, it always does, it is akin to the calling I received to become Catholic if a bit milder and not quite so spiritually commanding. God is tricksies. I am nervous.
She came over.
She arrived early, after having called several times this morning. And she was insistent. I had not heard the phone, but I know I heard at least a series of three or four doorbell rings, then a singular last ring. I was not sure it was her, though this is her M.O. This knowledge is what caused me to suspect the origin of the insistence. So, I jack-rabbit jumped out of bed, tossed on a shirt, and went to see. Yes, the Q.O.D. was on deck, awaiting a proper flag ceremony before boarding. It looked cool to cold and wet outside, so I decided to unlock the rat traps on the door and let the lady in, simultaneously indicating that I was not wearing pants so she could not say she was not warned, then I skedaddled back to find a suitable pair of leg coverings before returning to converse with my early guest.
It was slightly before 10:00, and I was certainly not very awake. I can bound to action without having a clue as to the cause and run on automatic until I find my pace though. So, that is what I did as I dressed, then checked my appearances in the mirror, then finally advanced to explore the causation of this early (well, awakening if not truly early) visit.
She, it seems, wished for transportation to her eye clinic in order that she make final plans for her glasses. The pair she had chosen initially had not ended up being to her liking. So, she was returning them and she had pretty much chosen the pair she was probably going to get (they had allowed her to take several frames for a few days, which she had gotten sample opinions about from friends like myself and co-workers). For my chauffer service, she would offer a fancy lunch and her splendid company. Sounded good to me, but a shower was called for, and allowed, therefore performed.
The task was not so quick as one would suspect. Once in the glasses selection area, she needed to check many more pairs, and again. As well, I requested that she try several pairs. In the end, she stuck to her guns. Of course, her sunglasses were a difficulty. Apparently they had not been correct the first time, and she set some things in motion so that they would be correct this time. She does things in an odd fashion, however. She is very indirect, though insistent. In any case, I think she was set well and will be satisfied with her glasses.
Then, to lunch. The name of the place is a capitalized “twelve”, but in Italian. Deditches perhaps, at least phonetically. We both sampled the soups offered, and both chose the hand made tomato soup, though we chose different sandwiches. They had her fancy coffee, and one of my favored sparkling waters (of Italian origin, of course). However, there was a type I had not tried before, so I grabbed it (turned out to not be sparkling water, however, and to my regret). Still, it was a very pleasant lunch. A trip to a candle store seemed in order, and I found several candles I could use. She found a few items she had been looking for as well. We stopped at several boutiques on the way home. We both picked up a few more items, but in sum, we mostly browsed and talked. It ended up being a pleasant day.
I returned a bit late to be ready for church. As well, I am still a bit stiff from bowling. Falling to my knee and on my right knee actually was not and is not a problem. Certain muscles seemingly only used in bowling, however, are a bit cranky. Odd and interesting. Still, I mean to go bowling again, this coming week. Perhaps I will go Monday or Tuesday so as to be in a better shape come next Saturday.
I have heard a bit back from my friend in Nevada, a bit from a lady I have asked to travel with me this summer, and am planning to contact some other folks beginning Monday. The road trip is looking stronger, and more realistic. I did not doubt it, it is just a new thing, and cannot be seen as probable until contacts are made, finances are examined, travel arrangements come into their own, and other subjects begin to be tended or receive their due attention.
Life is moving right along. Oh, I am about ready to put ribs to broast. Broast? A wet roasting (raised on a rack, with some water in the basin of the roaster). Supper will be yummy tonight.
It was slightly before 10:00, and I was certainly not very awake. I can bound to action without having a clue as to the cause and run on automatic until I find my pace though. So, that is what I did as I dressed, then checked my appearances in the mirror, then finally advanced to explore the causation of this early (well, awakening if not truly early) visit.
She, it seems, wished for transportation to her eye clinic in order that she make final plans for her glasses. The pair she had chosen initially had not ended up being to her liking. So, she was returning them and she had pretty much chosen the pair she was probably going to get (they had allowed her to take several frames for a few days, which she had gotten sample opinions about from friends like myself and co-workers). For my chauffer service, she would offer a fancy lunch and her splendid company. Sounded good to me, but a shower was called for, and allowed, therefore performed.
The task was not so quick as one would suspect. Once in the glasses selection area, she needed to check many more pairs, and again. As well, I requested that she try several pairs. In the end, she stuck to her guns. Of course, her sunglasses were a difficulty. Apparently they had not been correct the first time, and she set some things in motion so that they would be correct this time. She does things in an odd fashion, however. She is very indirect, though insistent. In any case, I think she was set well and will be satisfied with her glasses.
Then, to lunch. The name of the place is a capitalized “twelve”, but in Italian. Deditches perhaps, at least phonetically. We both sampled the soups offered, and both chose the hand made tomato soup, though we chose different sandwiches. They had her fancy coffee, and one of my favored sparkling waters (of Italian origin, of course). However, there was a type I had not tried before, so I grabbed it (turned out to not be sparkling water, however, and to my regret). Still, it was a very pleasant lunch. A trip to a candle store seemed in order, and I found several candles I could use. She found a few items she had been looking for as well. We stopped at several boutiques on the way home. We both picked up a few more items, but in sum, we mostly browsed and talked. It ended up being a pleasant day.
I returned a bit late to be ready for church. As well, I am still a bit stiff from bowling. Falling to my knee and on my right knee actually was not and is not a problem. Certain muscles seemingly only used in bowling, however, are a bit cranky. Odd and interesting. Still, I mean to go bowling again, this coming week. Perhaps I will go Monday or Tuesday so as to be in a better shape come next Saturday.
I have heard a bit back from my friend in Nevada, a bit from a lady I have asked to travel with me this summer, and am planning to contact some other folks beginning Monday. The road trip is looking stronger, and more realistic. I did not doubt it, it is just a new thing, and cannot be seen as probable until contacts are made, finances are examined, travel arrangements come into their own, and other subjects begin to be tended or receive their due attention.
Life is moving right along. Oh, I am about ready to put ribs to broast. Broast? A wet roasting (raised on a rack, with some water in the basin of the roaster). Supper will be yummy tonight.
Friday, May 2, 2008
I had a little fun today.
My nurse visited today. She seemed pleased with my performance regarding medicine. Obviously, I was not perfect. It was far better than I was doing on my own, and simple as it seems, it means with a little help I can do better. As well, the place looked a lot better. And, I had prepared for her visit a bit last evening by setting up our visit area and bringing my medications and pill boxes to the area for quicker and easier use. I explained how the house cleaning had gone, and discussed my hope for the early summer travel and activity. People like to hear hope, especially if it that hope has some basis in reality, with planning, and a reasonable amount of work already having gone toward a successful outcome. I must admit, I was not sure what time she was to be here today, so I got up as early as I could and stayed up until she came, at around 9:30.
I had hoped to take some courses this summer, but I have not heard from V.A. Voc. Rehab. And, yeah, I am waiting for that. My doctor indicated he had an actual conversation with the administrator, and they had agreed to let me try again. I will, in the next few weeks, get in touch with that administrator. I am not sure I trust him, I think he would rather I not continue. I might have to push, but now that I have a definitive limit, I understand the game better. But I am not going to let him set me aside in spite of having agreed to go ahead with this plan.
I wrote an email to a friend I would like to visit on my way to the white-water trip this summer. Everything is tentative, as I told him, yet I am going to try and talk to as many people as I can as soon as I can, and try to see who will be where, doing what, in time to make some kind of plan. I am also needing to contact the Xterra group and my foster mother. I am hoping to ride with the group. And, I have not seen my foster mother in many years. If she is going to be there, I might spend a few days between the weekends, and or a few days on my way out of the state. Beyond that, I am considering whether I should visit my birth mother or not on the way home. Yeah, I have a lot of moms. The upside to visiting my foster mother on the way, then visit my birth mother as well, is the line of travel that would take would allow me to visit my adopting mother as well, which would save me a bit on housing, break up the return trip, and of course, it never hurts to see mom. All of them, regardless if they are dingy broads too.
After the nurse visit, a nap, a few chores, and some chow, I decided to go bowling. It has been twenty years. My first game was a 64, the next was 112 or 118, something like that. I actually fell down once, the first round, relearning how to throw the darn thing. I ended up making a few strikes and a few more spares, but I would not call it great. I had been up to 240 when I was 12. I would guess that is the best I will ever have been at bowling. Still, it is fun. I might have to go once in a while, invite a friend or two, and just enjoy it as I may. I was amazed I was able to just throw that bowling ball down the lane. I would guess, I probably need to slow it down. And, I was actually starting to see some control aspects. It costs $1.50 for shoe rental and $3.00 per game. Scoring is all automated there, but not perfect I learned. It was easy to correct the mistake though.
I am going to try and do something out of the house 4 days a week, other than shopping (grocery usually), appointments, or other necessary functions. Going to the show, bowling, fishing, and shooting top the list. As well, now that the weight room is cleared, I need to begin doing a bit. I am not sure about how to go about generating a practical weight regimen (cast iron Olympic weight system, with about 1300 pounds, three barbells, two dumbbells, and an angled short press bar). I suspect if I do light loads, I can probably do a bit each day, but what? Maybe 10 bench presses, dumbbell presses, butterflies, etc… I am just not sure what to do. It has been too long since I messed with this.
So, that is the day. I will also try to get back to my Saturday church and begin having Sundays being a stay home, do little, perhaps read the bible and such day. Well, I am getting back in the saddle, and on my way, at least as well as I can.
I had hoped to take some courses this summer, but I have not heard from V.A. Voc. Rehab. And, yeah, I am waiting for that. My doctor indicated he had an actual conversation with the administrator, and they had agreed to let me try again. I will, in the next few weeks, get in touch with that administrator. I am not sure I trust him, I think he would rather I not continue. I might have to push, but now that I have a definitive limit, I understand the game better. But I am not going to let him set me aside in spite of having agreed to go ahead with this plan.
I wrote an email to a friend I would like to visit on my way to the white-water trip this summer. Everything is tentative, as I told him, yet I am going to try and talk to as many people as I can as soon as I can, and try to see who will be where, doing what, in time to make some kind of plan. I am also needing to contact the Xterra group and my foster mother. I am hoping to ride with the group. And, I have not seen my foster mother in many years. If she is going to be there, I might spend a few days between the weekends, and or a few days on my way out of the state. Beyond that, I am considering whether I should visit my birth mother or not on the way home. Yeah, I have a lot of moms. The upside to visiting my foster mother on the way, then visit my birth mother as well, is the line of travel that would take would allow me to visit my adopting mother as well, which would save me a bit on housing, break up the return trip, and of course, it never hurts to see mom. All of them, regardless if they are dingy broads too.
After the nurse visit, a nap, a few chores, and some chow, I decided to go bowling. It has been twenty years. My first game was a 64, the next was 112 or 118, something like that. I actually fell down once, the first round, relearning how to throw the darn thing. I ended up making a few strikes and a few more spares, but I would not call it great. I had been up to 240 when I was 12. I would guess that is the best I will ever have been at bowling. Still, it is fun. I might have to go once in a while, invite a friend or two, and just enjoy it as I may. I was amazed I was able to just throw that bowling ball down the lane. I would guess, I probably need to slow it down. And, I was actually starting to see some control aspects. It costs $1.50 for shoe rental and $3.00 per game. Scoring is all automated there, but not perfect I learned. It was easy to correct the mistake though.
I am going to try and do something out of the house 4 days a week, other than shopping (grocery usually), appointments, or other necessary functions. Going to the show, bowling, fishing, and shooting top the list. As well, now that the weight room is cleared, I need to begin doing a bit. I am not sure about how to go about generating a practical weight regimen (cast iron Olympic weight system, with about 1300 pounds, three barbells, two dumbbells, and an angled short press bar). I suspect if I do light loads, I can probably do a bit each day, but what? Maybe 10 bench presses, dumbbell presses, butterflies, etc… I am just not sure what to do. It has been too long since I messed with this.
So, that is the day. I will also try to get back to my Saturday church and begin having Sundays being a stay home, do little, perhaps read the bible and such day. Well, I am getting back in the saddle, and on my way, at least as well as I can.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Wow, ok.
I was lumbering about the internet, still in my unders, and just barely awake when I hear a knock on my door. Hmm, well, I could hide like I had been doing. No, I decide, that was not getting me where I wanted to be. I could take a look from my sneaky place and then make a better decision. Well, actually, if I look, I will usually answer the door. It is just the way of things. Once my curiosity is piqued enough for me to peek, my energy will peak so that I will answer to the good, bad, or neutral door and face the knocker(s) (mailman delivering a certain medicine which must be signed for to obtain if you can’t think of a neutral knocker)(oh, and I prefer answering to a singular yet plural knocker(s)). Well, it was the lady sent to do some cleaning! Plural, but uhm, there are exceptions.
Ok, well, I knew I wanted her here, and I knew this is a very good knocker(s). I doubted if she would appreciate my near nude appearance at the door (leaving the disheveled hair out the equation totally and to boot). So, I yelled that I was on my way, but that it would be a moment. I heard something unintelligible from the direction of the door, and taking it that I had been heard if also not understood, thus at least buying me a few moments, I scurried to the bedroom and dressed quickly. Forgetting to even smooth over my fop, I hurried to the door and ushered in the lady at the door. Well, that was the intent. She held out her hand, in order that I take it and we shake hands in greeting, while pronouncing my first name in order to ensure she was at the correct place. I nodded, we shook, and she offered me her name.
As I had said, I had cleaned just a bit already. And, I had looked over the place and decided where I wanted to clean next. This time, I was ready. She asked and I showed her the place and what I had hopes of finishing. This time, I pitched right in. With her help (I use that lightly, as she did more of the work), we were able to get the cardboard boxes and other materials out of the weight room/piano room. So, I might be able to get working a bit on those. It might take a little more work, I will have to review it shortly. Then, “we” cleaned the kitchen out a bit (mostly misplaced paperwork on the table and some sweeping to do). We did several odds and ends and had a great conversation in the interim. I think it was almost house chore aerobics. She actually enjoyed the work, and thanked me. Not bad, and the place is just getting better and better.
Oh, she noticed my bastard sword. She was curious about it, and whether I just collected. I indicated that I could swing the steel half well, and would show her (with the scabbard on so that she could remain comfortable). She suggested I do show her, handed me the sword, but indicated there would be no need to keep it sheathed. Handing it to me, she bared the steel a bit to look at the blade. I think she was surprised it had live steel, with a bite to it. Anyway, I gave her a brief show, and I think she enjoyed the event. No, no, as she noted and I understand, she is older and this was not flirtation. But, it was fun to have some company, get some help in cleaning, and be able to show off a skill. How many people have and can use a real bastard sword these days? The thing is almost as tall as she is. Ha.
Well, I should do a thing or two more, take a shower, then get to the store. I am out of splenda soda, milk, butter, and a few other essentials. I need a sandwich first, and I am getting a bit tired, so, who knows if the store will see my face today. Hmm, better call about the waterproof car mats though. Dang, almost forgot that.
Ok, well, I knew I wanted her here, and I knew this is a very good knocker(s). I doubted if she would appreciate my near nude appearance at the door (leaving the disheveled hair out the equation totally and to boot). So, I yelled that I was on my way, but that it would be a moment. I heard something unintelligible from the direction of the door, and taking it that I had been heard if also not understood, thus at least buying me a few moments, I scurried to the bedroom and dressed quickly. Forgetting to even smooth over my fop, I hurried to the door and ushered in the lady at the door. Well, that was the intent. She held out her hand, in order that I take it and we shake hands in greeting, while pronouncing my first name in order to ensure she was at the correct place. I nodded, we shook, and she offered me her name.
As I had said, I had cleaned just a bit already. And, I had looked over the place and decided where I wanted to clean next. This time, I was ready. She asked and I showed her the place and what I had hopes of finishing. This time, I pitched right in. With her help (I use that lightly, as she did more of the work), we were able to get the cardboard boxes and other materials out of the weight room/piano room. So, I might be able to get working a bit on those. It might take a little more work, I will have to review it shortly. Then, “we” cleaned the kitchen out a bit (mostly misplaced paperwork on the table and some sweeping to do). We did several odds and ends and had a great conversation in the interim. I think it was almost house chore aerobics. She actually enjoyed the work, and thanked me. Not bad, and the place is just getting better and better.
Oh, she noticed my bastard sword. She was curious about it, and whether I just collected. I indicated that I could swing the steel half well, and would show her (with the scabbard on so that she could remain comfortable). She suggested I do show her, handed me the sword, but indicated there would be no need to keep it sheathed. Handing it to me, she bared the steel a bit to look at the blade. I think she was surprised it had live steel, with a bite to it. Anyway, I gave her a brief show, and I think she enjoyed the event. No, no, as she noted and I understand, she is older and this was not flirtation. But, it was fun to have some company, get some help in cleaning, and be able to show off a skill. How many people have and can use a real bastard sword these days? The thing is almost as tall as she is. Ha.
Well, I should do a thing or two more, take a shower, then get to the store. I am out of splenda soda, milk, butter, and a few other essentials. I need a sandwich first, and I am getting a bit tired, so, who knows if the store will see my face today. Hmm, better call about the waterproof car mats though. Dang, almost forgot that.
It is good to be home, mostly.
I was too tired to really appreciate being home yesterday. Still, I moved around and sorted things a bit, back in my own fishbowl. I left the laundry near the front door near the washer and dryer (all clothes which were taken since my mother smokes), I did get everything in from the car (save the fishing rods and tackle box, which will be staying out in the garage), I made a couple of sandwiches through the evening, beef and cheese first, then a peanut butter and low sugar strawberry preserve sandwich as the hours became larger numbered. And, I checked email, posted on my blog, visited a few blogs leaving comments where I seemed destined to drop a line, then, slowly, I retreated from exhaustion first into my chair, moving less and less. Then into my mind, thinking about fewer certainties, possibilities, and hopes. Finally, I retreated to my great solace, sleeping before I really knew that I had had to retreat that far. What a pleasant sleep it was.
I went to bed around 1:30-ish. The numbers just were not sticking in my mind by that time, but I am almost certain it was past 1:15 but not yet 1:45. I had, earlier, set my alarms for 7:30 and 8:15 or so, hoping I would begin to regulate my days again right off the bat here at home. Such was not the case, I did not arise until a bit past 11:00. My mother seems to prefer mornings to herself, and I do not have an alarm clock there (nor would I take one and interrupt her schedule or sleep). So, my days ran a more natural course there, one in which I rise in the late morning and then rest again later in the night or early in the morning. This would be fine, should I surrender to permanent retirement. I just have not, after twenty years, quite given up. Odd, really. I think most would have curled up and found some bottle, painkiller, or something to fill their time until death in some great satisfaction at having cheated their way to oblivion. I suppose dragons just cannot do that. And, I suppose, I am a dragon, if an ill one.
What to do! I have many plans, some will be successful, some will be partially completed, and others will go nowhere. It is the way, both a blessing and a curse, that detailed certainty above. Every goal done would leave no time for live, yet every attempt ending in failure would be disastrous for one’s will and hope, and only partial failure and success would leave life dull and uncertain, weak and unfulfilling. A splendid success (my calculus III course), a devastating failure (my last course), and the middling continuation of my academic aspirations all lend to a more balanced enjoyment of life. Fubar! I want it all. I do not concede in kindness, modesty, or civility, only in truth. I wish to win every time, every way, and handily. Just in case you wondered.
Well, I have cleaned the place just a bit today. I will clean a bit more, later. I am hoping that by the time the cleaning lady returns, her chores will look more practical and doable. Perhaps she will see some hope and this will drive her to do more. After seeing the worst, watching improvement, seeing a segment that she can do, and have it pull others into the work sharing, life must feel good. I hope that those who work with me, doctor, nurse, or house cleaner, walk away saying, “You know, I think I improved his lot enough that he grew to help me help him”. If that is all one has, at times, it can be enough.
It has been so long since I wrote. I feel the need to write again. I am trying to stay just a bit ahead of any lethargy that might exist as I return home. Oh, I really need to begin planning for my visit to the western states. I need to contact the X-terra group, contact the white-water yahoos, and make sure my friend will be in town when I head out to Las Vegas. Oh, I had best contact my doctor as well, and let the crew there know the score. Perhaps they will decide to jump-start a new regimen in order to reduce the blood sugars and increase energy levels just a tad bit. I do think they are trusting me more and more, especially as I attend to their wishes, abide their regimens better (as I can), and continue to work with them. The reverse is true, I suppose I have some belief in the medical field again. They earned it, I think I have, but it is an on-going reevaluation, as it should be? Yes, I think so.
Hey, lovely ladies and kind gents! Have a good day. I hope you prep something fun for the weekend and still find a way to successfully fill the rest of your week. Remember, work is NOT work, it is what you do that makes you valuable to someone (many someones), even if he, she, they, and especially you do not always realize it. As for me… I am work. :p
I went to bed around 1:30-ish. The numbers just were not sticking in my mind by that time, but I am almost certain it was past 1:15 but not yet 1:45. I had, earlier, set my alarms for 7:30 and 8:15 or so, hoping I would begin to regulate my days again right off the bat here at home. Such was not the case, I did not arise until a bit past 11:00. My mother seems to prefer mornings to herself, and I do not have an alarm clock there (nor would I take one and interrupt her schedule or sleep). So, my days ran a more natural course there, one in which I rise in the late morning and then rest again later in the night or early in the morning. This would be fine, should I surrender to permanent retirement. I just have not, after twenty years, quite given up. Odd, really. I think most would have curled up and found some bottle, painkiller, or something to fill their time until death in some great satisfaction at having cheated their way to oblivion. I suppose dragons just cannot do that. And, I suppose, I am a dragon, if an ill one.
What to do! I have many plans, some will be successful, some will be partially completed, and others will go nowhere. It is the way, both a blessing and a curse, that detailed certainty above. Every goal done would leave no time for live, yet every attempt ending in failure would be disastrous for one’s will and hope, and only partial failure and success would leave life dull and uncertain, weak and unfulfilling. A splendid success (my calculus III course), a devastating failure (my last course), and the middling continuation of my academic aspirations all lend to a more balanced enjoyment of life. Fubar! I want it all. I do not concede in kindness, modesty, or civility, only in truth. I wish to win every time, every way, and handily. Just in case you wondered.
Well, I have cleaned the place just a bit today. I will clean a bit more, later. I am hoping that by the time the cleaning lady returns, her chores will look more practical and doable. Perhaps she will see some hope and this will drive her to do more. After seeing the worst, watching improvement, seeing a segment that she can do, and have it pull others into the work sharing, life must feel good. I hope that those who work with me, doctor, nurse, or house cleaner, walk away saying, “You know, I think I improved his lot enough that he grew to help me help him”. If that is all one has, at times, it can be enough.
It has been so long since I wrote. I feel the need to write again. I am trying to stay just a bit ahead of any lethargy that might exist as I return home. Oh, I really need to begin planning for my visit to the western states. I need to contact the X-terra group, contact the white-water yahoos, and make sure my friend will be in town when I head out to Las Vegas. Oh, I had best contact my doctor as well, and let the crew there know the score. Perhaps they will decide to jump-start a new regimen in order to reduce the blood sugars and increase energy levels just a tad bit. I do think they are trusting me more and more, especially as I attend to their wishes, abide their regimens better (as I can), and continue to work with them. The reverse is true, I suppose I have some belief in the medical field again. They earned it, I think I have, but it is an on-going reevaluation, as it should be? Yes, I think so.
Hey, lovely ladies and kind gents! Have a good day. I hope you prep something fun for the weekend and still find a way to successfully fill the rest of your week. Remember, work is NOT work, it is what you do that makes you valuable to someone (many someones), even if he, she, they, and especially you do not always realize it. As for me… I am work. :p
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
A good visit, a day late. (tobacco free since January 7th)
Hello!
I am sure you are as surprised as I am. Perhaps I should explain. You are surprised because, after popping in from time to time, you finally view a new article. As for myself, I am always surprised, in some strange way, when today is truly different from yesterday. Merely by writing this that is so. I think. It depends on how you view fundamental reality, free will, and all that jazz. Setting that all aside and just assuming now is unique and hitherto unidentified, then this is a different thing on a new day. I.. I think.
As I said, the visit was a good one. Though we did not do everything I had hoped, we were able to get some things done, we did survive each other, and we had some fun along the way. A few odds and ends were completed which had not been contemplated previously as well. We each had a few grumpy moments, no problems there as we are both getting older and therefore more deserving of our grumpiness. I did little cooking, though I think my Mom prefers her kitchen to herself. It is the place she feels she is the queen and from which she may still hold some command. So be it. As I said, it was a good visit.
I returned today, obviously or not. I had thought to return today, the 28th, so that I would be ready for my nurse today on the 29th. She called this morning and asked if I was ready for a visit. I said sure, tomorrow morning. She suggested I consult a calendar. Ok, so women can be right from time to time. That is where the “day late” fits in. I think I had planned well, set things up (things to do) by the calendar, then as that last thing I needed to do slipped a day, I skipped my calendar and missed my return date. I needed to get my Mother’s computer set up Monday, but it was not ready. So, without realizing it, I missed the return date. I still would have needed to stay, however, I would have been able to call and reschedule rather than have the embarrassment of being called and needing to apologetically reschedule. At least she had not stopped already, she merely called ahead (apparently having heard of my “delicate nature”).
That has been rescheduled to Friday. I will also need to schedule another cleaning visit. I am hoping to get this place tip-topped within the next month. With a little help, that is actually possible. I also need to pick up my rain mats at the dealership (they forced the cleaning crew to buy another set, and rightly). Of course, I will also need to do some grocery shopping. An army crawls on it’s stomach, and so do I. I should also visit my neighbor and see if he has some time to go fishing or shooting. Though it is remaining a chilly spring, I still want to get out and go. Chilly is not the same as snow bound. Now that I am not snow bound, I do not wish to be stuck inside. Might have to go alone if I cannot get anyone to tag along or take the lead.
I am pretty tired. I am not sure why I am so tired tonight, even with the drive. The drive was pleasant, brisk enough to theoretically keep me awake (though I kept nearly nodding off). It might just be the right kind of day for sleep and my body is pulling that way. Though, too, I think I am on too little Ritalin. Since my doctor asked me to take it at least a week (and though I had), I decided to not increase it until I returned home. Well, after two weeks of taking my medicine fairly well (missed the first 2-3 days, then hit every med time after that), I am pretty sure I am on too little. So, I will let him know. Oh, my blood pressure is coming down again though, into right numbers. However, the blood sugar just will not budge (and yes, I ate correctly).
There you have it. A few notions, some facts, a curiosity and question or two, and of course, notification with my vocabularistic bona fides to stamp the thing original in my nature of writing. (if not necessarily proofed time wise (Obomba Hussein dissing his communist racist minister, the one who has guided his religious thought for 20 years and made obvious by his cutthroat approach to all including his minister... muslim to the last!) Hmmm, that might do it.)
Have a good day or night.
I am sure you are as surprised as I am. Perhaps I should explain. You are surprised because, after popping in from time to time, you finally view a new article. As for myself, I am always surprised, in some strange way, when today is truly different from yesterday. Merely by writing this that is so. I think. It depends on how you view fundamental reality, free will, and all that jazz. Setting that all aside and just assuming now is unique and hitherto unidentified, then this is a different thing on a new day. I.. I think.
As I said, the visit was a good one. Though we did not do everything I had hoped, we were able to get some things done, we did survive each other, and we had some fun along the way. A few odds and ends were completed which had not been contemplated previously as well. We each had a few grumpy moments, no problems there as we are both getting older and therefore more deserving of our grumpiness. I did little cooking, though I think my Mom prefers her kitchen to herself. It is the place she feels she is the queen and from which she may still hold some command. So be it. As I said, it was a good visit.
I returned today, obviously or not. I had thought to return today, the 28th, so that I would be ready for my nurse today on the 29th. She called this morning and asked if I was ready for a visit. I said sure, tomorrow morning. She suggested I consult a calendar. Ok, so women can be right from time to time. That is where the “day late” fits in. I think I had planned well, set things up (things to do) by the calendar, then as that last thing I needed to do slipped a day, I skipped my calendar and missed my return date. I needed to get my Mother’s computer set up Monday, but it was not ready. So, without realizing it, I missed the return date. I still would have needed to stay, however, I would have been able to call and reschedule rather than have the embarrassment of being called and needing to apologetically reschedule. At least she had not stopped already, she merely called ahead (apparently having heard of my “delicate nature”).
That has been rescheduled to Friday. I will also need to schedule another cleaning visit. I am hoping to get this place tip-topped within the next month. With a little help, that is actually possible. I also need to pick up my rain mats at the dealership (they forced the cleaning crew to buy another set, and rightly). Of course, I will also need to do some grocery shopping. An army crawls on it’s stomach, and so do I. I should also visit my neighbor and see if he has some time to go fishing or shooting. Though it is remaining a chilly spring, I still want to get out and go. Chilly is not the same as snow bound. Now that I am not snow bound, I do not wish to be stuck inside. Might have to go alone if I cannot get anyone to tag along or take the lead.
I am pretty tired. I am not sure why I am so tired tonight, even with the drive. The drive was pleasant, brisk enough to theoretically keep me awake (though I kept nearly nodding off). It might just be the right kind of day for sleep and my body is pulling that way. Though, too, I think I am on too little Ritalin. Since my doctor asked me to take it at least a week (and though I had), I decided to not increase it until I returned home. Well, after two weeks of taking my medicine fairly well (missed the first 2-3 days, then hit every med time after that), I am pretty sure I am on too little. So, I will let him know. Oh, my blood pressure is coming down again though, into right numbers. However, the blood sugar just will not budge (and yes, I ate correctly).
There you have it. A few notions, some facts, a curiosity and question or two, and of course, notification with my vocabularistic bona fides to stamp the thing original in my nature of writing. (if not necessarily proofed time wise (Obomba Hussein dissing his communist racist minister, the one who has guided his religious thought for 20 years and made obvious by his cutthroat approach to all including his minister... muslim to the last!) Hmmm, that might do it.)
Have a good day or night.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Oddities Abound
Oh, fine. I have been taking meds, checking bp and blood sugars, and really trying to be a good boy. My remunerations are slight, and actually to the negative. The last three days I have been nearly unable to control my utter and near complete exhaustion, which has compelled me to sleep. Not even my games have been able to carry me through the vast and immediate urge to go right to bed at various points. Struggle has been futile. I am hoping this improves. There is an added medicine (diabetes) and I am taking less Ritalin (until I can get my medicine schedule regularized, we have simplified the regimen to 2 med times a day, by needs, the necessary lateness of one of the medicines (diabetes) precludes a second dosing of Ritalin). I struggle, at this moment, to stay awake. After this dismissive missive, back to bed for me, again.
Not much has been happening. My plans to go fishing last weekend did not work. My friend had to do other chores, and the weather was not conducive to the activity should I have thought to go it alone (which I had). It has been relatively cold and raining often here. I have been “busy” this week, having 2 appointments, one nurse visit, and there is an attempt to schedule a visit with the cleaners before I drive to my mother’s place for a week or two. As well, trying to focus on getting ready for the visit, and not getting far in that. Oh, not to worry, it will be done and I will go, soon or late.
I did get myself together enough to make a roast beef dinner last night. There was nothing fancy, just meat and potatoes. I need to do some dishes so that I have more room and a feeling that I can make vegetables without the overhead (of another dirty pot). There really is not that much to do, mostly silver ware, a few glasses, and a roaster (a different one, now two roasters), but that have sat (and sometimes soaked) for a week now. I am sure I am supposed to do something more than just look at the dirty dishes, but for the life of me, at the moment, I cannot figure out what that something is. Oh well, it will come to me. Dang, that reminds me, I am hungry… Oh, and sleepy… You are still here? Shoo!
Not much has been happening. My plans to go fishing last weekend did not work. My friend had to do other chores, and the weather was not conducive to the activity should I have thought to go it alone (which I had). It has been relatively cold and raining often here. I have been “busy” this week, having 2 appointments, one nurse visit, and there is an attempt to schedule a visit with the cleaners before I drive to my mother’s place for a week or two. As well, trying to focus on getting ready for the visit, and not getting far in that. Oh, not to worry, it will be done and I will go, soon or late.
I did get myself together enough to make a roast beef dinner last night. There was nothing fancy, just meat and potatoes. I need to do some dishes so that I have more room and a feeling that I can make vegetables without the overhead (of another dirty pot). There really is not that much to do, mostly silver ware, a few glasses, and a roaster (a different one, now two roasters), but that have sat (and sometimes soaked) for a week now. I am sure I am supposed to do something more than just look at the dirty dishes, but for the life of me, at the moment, I cannot figure out what that something is. Oh well, it will come to me. Dang, that reminds me, I am hungry… Oh, and sleepy… You are still here? Shoo!
Friday, April 11, 2008
Someone Once Told Me…
I recently heard that ‘their’ and ‘there’ might not be interchangeable. What? Yep, apparently my blog had an error. Odd, but, after checking, I decided to err on the side of caution, correct the error, then indicate to the sender of the information that I could not find what they were talking about. I am wondering if they will comment to this post? Well, it is no longer April 1, but… It was fun.
I finally took my vehicle in for service. It was a bit over the miles, my bad. Really, I like to take care of any vehicle it is my pleasure to drive. I feel more like a manager than truly an owner, therefore, I feel I have an obligation. Besides, think of it this way, though it is a mechanical creation, it needs attention and “wining and dining” like the rest of us once in a while. We do things for our pets, friends, family, ourselves, and simply our interests and desires, why not our automobiles. They give us wings. Anyway, while in for service, I had them clean the interior. They did fine, but two things stood out. They used something slick on the steering wheel and they forgot to put the water mats back into the vehicle. I am a little suspicious of the job, in that the cleaning materials used might not have been appropriate (certainly for particular tasks), the task seemed rushed, and the mats were forgotten. I may check around and compare prices, though any organization can have an off day. So, I will probably try them one more time (depending on price comparisons). I would like to have it really deep cleaned at least twice a year.
I am just getting to figuring out the functions of my smart phone. As I may have noted, it is not as intuitive as the Blackberry, if it is more functional. I also do not appreciate that it does not have a more encompassing case. It is insured, it is just the notion. The good thing is, it is very open to upgrades and add-ons, and it is a potent little device. Really, unless you are a gamer who travels, if you have a desktop computer, this device offers everything a small laptop might and at a fraction of the cost (internet browsing, email, MS Word, Power Point, etc. handling and editing, querty keyboard plus, as well as phone, music player, additional memory). I highly recommend desktops, as laptops are over-the-top expensive and under-the-radar performers for their price (if cool(?), go Apple laptop if you want to be tre kewl dude, if you want to be serious and taken serious, go PC). :0 :p
Alrighty then, I just wanted to write something. Sharing a few non-important details is a trivial matter, really. I would share more, but uhm, that’s it. Oh, ok, I am not wearing any pants. Ewwwwwww… Sweats, you crazy people, I am wearing sweats. Now bugger off into someone else’s near or real lewdness.
I finally took my vehicle in for service. It was a bit over the miles, my bad. Really, I like to take care of any vehicle it is my pleasure to drive. I feel more like a manager than truly an owner, therefore, I feel I have an obligation. Besides, think of it this way, though it is a mechanical creation, it needs attention and “wining and dining” like the rest of us once in a while. We do things for our pets, friends, family, ourselves, and simply our interests and desires, why not our automobiles. They give us wings. Anyway, while in for service, I had them clean the interior. They did fine, but two things stood out. They used something slick on the steering wheel and they forgot to put the water mats back into the vehicle. I am a little suspicious of the job, in that the cleaning materials used might not have been appropriate (certainly for particular tasks), the task seemed rushed, and the mats were forgotten. I may check around and compare prices, though any organization can have an off day. So, I will probably try them one more time (depending on price comparisons). I would like to have it really deep cleaned at least twice a year.
I am just getting to figuring out the functions of my smart phone. As I may have noted, it is not as intuitive as the Blackberry, if it is more functional. I also do not appreciate that it does not have a more encompassing case. It is insured, it is just the notion. The good thing is, it is very open to upgrades and add-ons, and it is a potent little device. Really, unless you are a gamer who travels, if you have a desktop computer, this device offers everything a small laptop might and at a fraction of the cost (internet browsing, email, MS Word, Power Point, etc. handling and editing, querty keyboard plus, as well as phone, music player, additional memory). I highly recommend desktops, as laptops are over-the-top expensive and under-the-radar performers for their price (if cool(?), go Apple laptop if you want to be tre kewl dude, if you want to be serious and taken serious, go PC). :0 :p
Alrighty then, I just wanted to write something. Sharing a few non-important details is a trivial matter, really. I would share more, but uhm, that’s it. Oh, ok, I am not wearing any pants. Ewwwwwww… Sweats, you crazy people, I am wearing sweats. Now bugger off into someone else’s near or real lewdness.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Wakey wakey, or you will never get up.
Dear Customers,
While we make every effort to make every effort, we have not made an effort to make that effort recently. And, relatively, frequently. That or something like that. In conclusion, that is what happened, or did not happen, as the case may be.
As I said in commenticus, I am indeed alive. Frozen in time, it seemed, until recently. After several months of this, and trying to fidget my own way out, I finally decided to let my doctor help out. Yes, it is humbling, no, I am not quite “in” Depends yet (though, it is a consideration, mostly for ease of use… but I do not think it holds enough, frankly). I worked every angle I could, just to get to the doctor’s appointment. I then told him the good and bad news. I then asked how we could solve this, because it is silly. The good news you ask? Well, I am complete broken yet I am ok. Frustrated, you bet. Smelling a bit odd on off days, uh-huh. Unaware even that I am unaware, probably, though I cannot always be sure. But, I am not torn up, upset, depressed, if a little hungry for real food, a cleaner place, and nervous about my health when I can be. Cwazy, babies… ala Ozzy…
So, we have a frank discussion, sans Frank (and scrit). He suggested visiting nurses, again. Oh, alright. They were helpful, if they do crawl up the butt a bit, flashlight in hand. They want to know WAY too much. I suppose they are just health enthusiasts or something. But, they do help me take my medicine and manage my whole health system. Medicine it has been shown (to my satisfaction in every way), to work, once I get on it and stay on it, for every complaint I have and without side effects of a rude or even lightly convexing nature. And, I told him, yes, indeed, I do wish to live, I do wish to be healthy, I do not understand what the problem is, but I would like to fix it. So, we started that up, and my first visit was last Tuesday. I ensured that I was ready and showered. The visit was pleasant. I have a new nurse, but the old one would have been fine. I think I was looking for excuses to end the last episode of visits, and she was (in my mind) used as a scapegoat. I asked this one to send my regards to the last one.
Oh, on that visit, I complained about my surrounds, and asked if she had information regarding house cleaning services. I was not sure how much I could afford, but I would be willing to spill some of my scarce nickels into the coffer of a domestic benefactor. She indicated that, perhaps and to my surprise to be certain, the VA might come across with those goods. She would check into it and either way I would be informed shortly. Low and behold, the VA will pay for 1 to 3 hours of house cleaning a week! I am pretty sure, that with that assistance, I will be able to do more myself, which will lead to a compound increase in lifestyle. Which, in turn, will lead to more visits by more people. I, with this assistance to bolster my efforts, will be able to serve people breakfast, dinner, and supper at my place once in a while. I can host movie night on occasion. And, I will feel a THOUSAND times better in my little life. When I can, I will do more with that help, when I cannot do for myself, I think 3 hours will be more than enough. Amazing, life really is full of little gifts for those who need.
Oh, you might ask what I have been doing? Well, I have been playing a lot of WoW (World of Warcraft). As a fact, I now officially own it. Lulz Well, not quite yet. But in a month, I have created 4 20th level, 4 10th level, and one 62nd level character (most on the same server, for convenience). And, I have learned how to become rich (at least for my level, hard to know how much the 70’s with a bean make… Then again, they probably spend it all the on simple junk I find or make… hehehehehe Suckers, nice suckers, but uhm… The game has allowed me to maintain a schedule of sorts. And, it gives me something to do, while I would otherwise just sleep most of the time. I was sleeping like that before I got the game, so I know.
Ok. Well, I had to put this up. I am hoping that getting on the medicine and staying on it, plus the assistance (and warmer weather), will all lend to a bit more writing and interacting. Yes, I miss you. Yes, I miss writing. Yes, I enjoy life (even the not so “right” parts anymore, if I do have preferences). So, coming to a blog near you, the rise of the king, baby! Yeah… *snork* *snort* Yeah, bay-bee
While we make every effort to make every effort, we have not made an effort to make that effort recently. And, relatively, frequently. That or something like that. In conclusion, that is what happened, or did not happen, as the case may be.
As I said in commenticus, I am indeed alive. Frozen in time, it seemed, until recently. After several months of this, and trying to fidget my own way out, I finally decided to let my doctor help out. Yes, it is humbling, no, I am not quite “in” Depends yet (though, it is a consideration, mostly for ease of use… but I do not think it holds enough, frankly). I worked every angle I could, just to get to the doctor’s appointment. I then told him the good and bad news. I then asked how we could solve this, because it is silly. The good news you ask? Well, I am complete broken yet I am ok. Frustrated, you bet. Smelling a bit odd on off days, uh-huh. Unaware even that I am unaware, probably, though I cannot always be sure. But, I am not torn up, upset, depressed, if a little hungry for real food, a cleaner place, and nervous about my health when I can be. Cwazy, babies… ala Ozzy…
So, we have a frank discussion, sans Frank (and scrit). He suggested visiting nurses, again. Oh, alright. They were helpful, if they do crawl up the butt a bit, flashlight in hand. They want to know WAY too much. I suppose they are just health enthusiasts or something. But, they do help me take my medicine and manage my whole health system. Medicine it has been shown (to my satisfaction in every way), to work, once I get on it and stay on it, for every complaint I have and without side effects of a rude or even lightly convexing nature. And, I told him, yes, indeed, I do wish to live, I do wish to be healthy, I do not understand what the problem is, but I would like to fix it. So, we started that up, and my first visit was last Tuesday. I ensured that I was ready and showered. The visit was pleasant. I have a new nurse, but the old one would have been fine. I think I was looking for excuses to end the last episode of visits, and she was (in my mind) used as a scapegoat. I asked this one to send my regards to the last one.
Oh, on that visit, I complained about my surrounds, and asked if she had information regarding house cleaning services. I was not sure how much I could afford, but I would be willing to spill some of my scarce nickels into the coffer of a domestic benefactor. She indicated that, perhaps and to my surprise to be certain, the VA might come across with those goods. She would check into it and either way I would be informed shortly. Low and behold, the VA will pay for 1 to 3 hours of house cleaning a week! I am pretty sure, that with that assistance, I will be able to do more myself, which will lead to a compound increase in lifestyle. Which, in turn, will lead to more visits by more people. I, with this assistance to bolster my efforts, will be able to serve people breakfast, dinner, and supper at my place once in a while. I can host movie night on occasion. And, I will feel a THOUSAND times better in my little life. When I can, I will do more with that help, when I cannot do for myself, I think 3 hours will be more than enough. Amazing, life really is full of little gifts for those who need.
Oh, you might ask what I have been doing? Well, I have been playing a lot of WoW (World of Warcraft). As a fact, I now officially own it. Lulz Well, not quite yet. But in a month, I have created 4 20th level, 4 10th level, and one 62nd level character (most on the same server, for convenience). And, I have learned how to become rich (at least for my level, hard to know how much the 70’s with a bean make… Then again, they probably spend it all the on simple junk I find or make… hehehehehe Suckers, nice suckers, but uhm… The game has allowed me to maintain a schedule of sorts. And, it gives me something to do, while I would otherwise just sleep most of the time. I was sleeping like that before I got the game, so I know.
Ok. Well, I had to put this up. I am hoping that getting on the medicine and staying on it, plus the assistance (and warmer weather), will all lend to a bit more writing and interacting. Yes, I miss you. Yes, I miss writing. Yes, I enjoy life (even the not so “right” parts anymore, if I do have preferences). So, coming to a blog near you, the rise of the king, baby! Yeah… *snork* *snort* Yeah, bay-bee
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
I woke up, refreshed and hopeful. (Day 63)
My sleeping has been in odd shifts and spits. I think until my corpse is normalized, I am going to have problems. No problem, so long as I do not die in the interim. That often causes unforeseen difficulties in getting back up and into the game. *grins* I am hoping to be enough on the ball to at least call in to the doctors office today, and maybe do some grocery shopping. Frozen vegetables (along with my high incidence of meats, fishes, cheeses, and milk) are on the list. Out is sugared soda, in is that splenda stuff. That is really my one indulgence into candy land. Though, on occasion, I must admit, I will have a bowl of real regular ice cream.
I am feeling so odd. Cramps in my arms and legs are common. Kidney area, liver area, and a few other area sorenesses persist. I am not sure if that is due to diet or due to diabetes, a slight difference, but real. Not enough of this that or the other vitamin, mineral, or protein and one might find themselves topsy-turvy, aside even from diabetes, though as with that to some degree… maybe. Where is that stupid manual that was supposed to pop out with me at birth. Something about “Care and Feeding of Ogre Mammalian Male Types”. Bah!
Well, I am on the road to writing more, and again. I see many of you have slacked off. Minus Bane, who has been a good bad boy. Oh, alrighty, a few of you others have been prolific in messing up by putting your ideas out there too. You know who you are, and perhaps how oddly true what I just said is. We are in the same boat it seems. The wrong boat, but the best of the wrong boats (minus you socialists… forgivable if you are women, it being your nature (unless you have, graciously worked beyond your nature! Hallelujah!)). Ok, digging my grave, kicking sand in the face of giants, and just having fun and loving it. Give me a break, I may be dead soon!
Welp, gots to go. Charity, faith, and hope, may these be yours even if you are as wrong as me. Love and kindness, me.
I am feeling so odd. Cramps in my arms and legs are common. Kidney area, liver area, and a few other area sorenesses persist. I am not sure if that is due to diet or due to diabetes, a slight difference, but real. Not enough of this that or the other vitamin, mineral, or protein and one might find themselves topsy-turvy, aside even from diabetes, though as with that to some degree… maybe. Where is that stupid manual that was supposed to pop out with me at birth. Something about “Care and Feeding of Ogre Mammalian Male Types”. Bah!
Well, I am on the road to writing more, and again. I see many of you have slacked off. Minus Bane, who has been a good bad boy. Oh, alrighty, a few of you others have been prolific in messing up by putting your ideas out there too. You know who you are, and perhaps how oddly true what I just said is. We are in the same boat it seems. The wrong boat, but the best of the wrong boats (minus you socialists… forgivable if you are women, it being your nature (unless you have, graciously worked beyond your nature! Hallelujah!)). Ok, digging my grave, kicking sand in the face of giants, and just having fun and loving it. Give me a break, I may be dead soon!
Welp, gots to go. Charity, faith, and hope, may these be yours even if you are as wrong as me. Love and kindness, me.
Monday, March 10, 2008
Alive and well, well? (Day 68)
Okay, fine. I am still alive. I am still doing poorly. But, I have made some decisions and I am now free to move on those. The first, and saddest for me, is that I have to back out of school. There are several fortuitous aspects to this however. The first is, I know the reason. It has to do with a short-term problem that I do believe is completely able to be solved. The second good thing is that I am not back on VA benefits, so it will not start that off on a bad foot. I suppose also, I get a better view of this course material. I have not found out what I did on my last test, though from the response from my instructor heretofore, it seems I did at least feasibly suitable to continue the class (or he was going to suggest I drop, because of homework mostly). The uncomfortable part is that now I must figure out my health puzzle and put it back in place. I need to figure out how to get my diabetes back under control. Even with good eating, I have only been able to get it to drop to 186 (this morning). And, it is difficult to “eat well”. Amounts and types of food, absolute sugarlessness in my diet for the moment, and a ban on pasta all lead to great confusion and despair! *I think he said there would be gnashing of teeth in end times, I think I know that now!* But, I think it is doable. Now that I have given my publicly disemboweling speech, I may begin my health recovery in earnest. With school not nagging me and the speech given, I have the time in mind, peace, and reality, to put the pieces back together (or maybe, back in the box for another chance later).
I feel like I have been mashed, skinned, and heated. Mashed potatoes know of how I feel. My organs still hurt, though less. Even my body hurts a bit. My mind is slow to calculate, write, or act. As soon as I get my shit in one sock, I am going to call in and see if someone can look over my tired carcass. May not be tomorrow, might be. I just know it will happen before too long. I cannot pull or tug, promise or hope, jump and run or even crawl at this time, without it being just the right time and happening nearly spontaneously. Yes, I am in a honey trap or something, praying the rain comes, but that it does not rain too much. Just enough rain that I may escape to my trap, though with little hope it will be to other than my next (if less dangerous) trap!
The speech went well. The spirit moved me, those who prayed with and for me helped me to climb though some very dark times and places. I told them everything except about the service. Because of my confusion and remaining… I cannot go there. There is little I can tell them with any certainty, though I did explain that. In discussing some of what I did, I cleared the way for me to return to the Church. My fear that some of this might escape, become known, and betray me, had been a difficulty. In speaking about it, I have released the hold of that fear. Thankfully, my speech was the first given. I could not sleep the night before, so I was quite tired when at 20:00, I finally got up in front of the group to speak. Without the help of some there, their prayers and good words, time and counsel, I would not have been able to do what I did. It is amazing what we can do. After my speech, and a good nights sleep, I really enjoyed the rest of the weekend. I saw that others have had a tough taste of life, and have come to know God much more sincerely because of it, like me. All seem to continue to struggle, of course. It was a fantastic weekend. I just wish my health had not been nagging at me in the background. I am hoping to be a part of next years session, and I have let them know they may call on me. As well, after missing this years women’s group, I plan on getting on board next year to help with meals. I just feel called to it, and a bit frustrated and guilty with this years situation.
Ok, I hope that sets your troubled minds to ease. I am alive, if feeling as happy and hale as a colicky baby, though slightly quieter. I will try to write more, but the will and the way are not necessarily well connected again and at the moment. Hey, but I do think of you in my moments with God. Things you have said, doubts you have had, wisdom I have seen through you. Those things float through my mind and into to my prayers, and often. Call me an open book, especially to God.
I feel like I have been mashed, skinned, and heated. Mashed potatoes know of how I feel. My organs still hurt, though less. Even my body hurts a bit. My mind is slow to calculate, write, or act. As soon as I get my shit in one sock, I am going to call in and see if someone can look over my tired carcass. May not be tomorrow, might be. I just know it will happen before too long. I cannot pull or tug, promise or hope, jump and run or even crawl at this time, without it being just the right time and happening nearly spontaneously. Yes, I am in a honey trap or something, praying the rain comes, but that it does not rain too much. Just enough rain that I may escape to my trap, though with little hope it will be to other than my next (if less dangerous) trap!
The speech went well. The spirit moved me, those who prayed with and for me helped me to climb though some very dark times and places. I told them everything except about the service. Because of my confusion and remaining… I cannot go there. There is little I can tell them with any certainty, though I did explain that. In discussing some of what I did, I cleared the way for me to return to the Church. My fear that some of this might escape, become known, and betray me, had been a difficulty. In speaking about it, I have released the hold of that fear. Thankfully, my speech was the first given. I could not sleep the night before, so I was quite tired when at 20:00, I finally got up in front of the group to speak. Without the help of some there, their prayers and good words, time and counsel, I would not have been able to do what I did. It is amazing what we can do. After my speech, and a good nights sleep, I really enjoyed the rest of the weekend. I saw that others have had a tough taste of life, and have come to know God much more sincerely because of it, like me. All seem to continue to struggle, of course. It was a fantastic weekend. I just wish my health had not been nagging at me in the background. I am hoping to be a part of next years session, and I have let them know they may call on me. As well, after missing this years women’s group, I plan on getting on board next year to help with meals. I just feel called to it, and a bit frustrated and guilty with this years situation.
Ok, I hope that sets your troubled minds to ease. I am alive, if feeling as happy and hale as a colicky baby, though slightly quieter. I will try to write more, but the will and the way are not necessarily well connected again and at the moment. Hey, but I do think of you in my moments with God. Things you have said, doubts you have had, wisdom I have seen through you. Those things float through my mind and into to my prayers, and often. Call me an open book, especially to God.
Friday, February 29, 2008
Death, it is near. (Day 52?)
I doubt if it will come for me, actually. Though it is close enough that it could. It stalks me with ill health, all the snow removal, and lots of pressures. At least it no longer lives in my mind, turning my thoughts against me. Still, I do foolish things in order to try and “win”. To try and break the cycle of losses, I push like few can, few of those who can would, and the risk is there. I will not go into detail, the harping would harangue me! I need peace while I heal.
I just took my second test in school. I do not know how I did, but it was tough. I can barely keep up, and not even quite that. I do what I can, and must, but it is a tough game this time. Simpler course, but inconsistencies, tough weather, illness, and other stresses really are pushing me to my ends. We will see.
Well, at least I have stayed tobacco free since January 7th. Heck, I might make some real improvements in my life. Oh, and my lady friend has started coming by again, from time to time. And, I have some plans for a duck dinner with the neighbors in a week. I will firm that up though, as it was made 2 weeks ago. My speech is tomorrow night. I cannot say how well I will do. But I will do my best. It being done, I will have one less item (and a major one), on my plate for this year. Perhaps this will free me up to getting back to work on school. A 25 minute speech about my intimate nature, based on self knowledge, is not going to be easy. And, though the run-throughs have been good, the real thing might be different. It changes every time.
Okay, I thought I best put something up. At least to let you know I am still alive. Even if my organs feel like they did after a major brawl. Probably worse, I became pretty tight after a while of that. I keep thinking something must be about ready to shut down, after weeks of these pains. Kidney, liver, who knows, it is all up for a crash! Bah, I would never get so lucky!
I just took my second test in school. I do not know how I did, but it was tough. I can barely keep up, and not even quite that. I do what I can, and must, but it is a tough game this time. Simpler course, but inconsistencies, tough weather, illness, and other stresses really are pushing me to my ends. We will see.
Well, at least I have stayed tobacco free since January 7th. Heck, I might make some real improvements in my life. Oh, and my lady friend has started coming by again, from time to time. And, I have some plans for a duck dinner with the neighbors in a week. I will firm that up though, as it was made 2 weeks ago. My speech is tomorrow night. I cannot say how well I will do. But I will do my best. It being done, I will have one less item (and a major one), on my plate for this year. Perhaps this will free me up to getting back to work on school. A 25 minute speech about my intimate nature, based on self knowledge, is not going to be easy. And, though the run-throughs have been good, the real thing might be different. It changes every time.
Okay, I thought I best put something up. At least to let you know I am still alive. Even if my organs feel like they did after a major brawl. Probably worse, I became pretty tight after a while of that. I keep thinking something must be about ready to shut down, after weeks of these pains. Kidney, liver, who knows, it is all up for a crash! Bah, I would never get so lucky!
Monday, February 18, 2008
Busy, busy, busy, and a bad headache. (Day 42)
I have been, and remain, too busy to spend much time blogging. In falling behind in circuits, a course I find that no matter what I am behind because everyone in class has seemingly been goofing with these components for quite some time personally or professionally and the course is paced as such, catching up may not be a realistic possibility. As I see it, I may be doing good to get a C. Hey, just being realistic here, not pessimistic. On top of that, I still have some work left regarding my speech. And, we just got nailed with enough snow, rain, and sleet to break my back. So, I take a little time to update, and then tell of an interesting dream, then, back to the grind.
Last night, I dreamed I was an alligator, long before man walked this plane. I lived out, seemingly, nearly a complete life cycle. From fleeing bigger creatures to survive, while tackling smaller creatures to gain size, struggling to find little bits of land and water I could hunt which would sustain me, then I moved on to bigger and better places as I grew and strengthened. Doing well enough, finally, so that I could mate. Then, somehow through the dream, I nearly instantly morphed through many creatures to finally, again, be a man. I noticed certain similarities between all the other beasts and myself. I also noted major differences.
Intelligence, self knowledge, awareness of time, among other things were missing in these animals. What was similar was lust, hunger, a cunning which sought an edge in feeding, caring for oneself (sometimes one’s clan, family, mate, or offspring), and other natural aspects. It was an interesting study, as I actually seemed to be these creatures, for a little while. I was still me, but could only function through them to their capacity. Really, odd, but I have had many animal dreams now. I have been an eagle, a bear, and a wolf. It is still always a strange feeling waking from that.
One thing that struck me in this dream, as no dream before, is that scaled or not, lust is a strong and natural thing for all of us who have been graced with the breath of God. It was developed in us as in animals by a God Who, as even the dunce Einstein might suggest, does not play the dice, take chances, or such. And yet, as a man, I see the grace imbued singularly upon my kindred and myself. I see that we may move beyond, through, and yet still with our lust to do His bidding. We may love purely even if a sexual interest exists, we may love wholly even if we are unable to produce children. We are singularly gifted, it is a blessing I do not overlook.
Last night, I dreamed I was an alligator, long before man walked this plane. I lived out, seemingly, nearly a complete life cycle. From fleeing bigger creatures to survive, while tackling smaller creatures to gain size, struggling to find little bits of land and water I could hunt which would sustain me, then I moved on to bigger and better places as I grew and strengthened. Doing well enough, finally, so that I could mate. Then, somehow through the dream, I nearly instantly morphed through many creatures to finally, again, be a man. I noticed certain similarities between all the other beasts and myself. I also noted major differences.
Intelligence, self knowledge, awareness of time, among other things were missing in these animals. What was similar was lust, hunger, a cunning which sought an edge in feeding, caring for oneself (sometimes one’s clan, family, mate, or offspring), and other natural aspects. It was an interesting study, as I actually seemed to be these creatures, for a little while. I was still me, but could only function through them to their capacity. Really, odd, but I have had many animal dreams now. I have been an eagle, a bear, and a wolf. It is still always a strange feeling waking from that.
One thing that struck me in this dream, as no dream before, is that scaled or not, lust is a strong and natural thing for all of us who have been graced with the breath of God. It was developed in us as in animals by a God Who, as even the dunce Einstein might suggest, does not play the dice, take chances, or such. And yet, as a man, I see the grace imbued singularly upon my kindred and myself. I see that we may move beyond, through, and yet still with our lust to do His bidding. We may love purely even if a sexual interest exists, we may love wholly even if we are unable to produce children. We are singularly gifted, it is a blessing I do not overlook.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Zapped.
What an exhausting day. In spite of doing absolutely nothing, I have taken 4 naps so far. I could not keep my mind going, I could not reach critical intellectual mass to do anything (like homework), and I could not even keep my eyes open. My blood sugar, after a light breakfast and lunch, rose to 456 or so. It is still volatile. Though I will not complain about the rate of decline. I feel bruised, actually, internally. The wear and tear on my organs has not been small, though I think I will be fine. I will know better once my blood sugars are more in line with good health.
No, I am not going to see my doctor. When I see him next, or if his staff gets back to me about two other issues still outstanding with them, I will discuss arranging a blood test either soon or when I am next scheduled for an appointment. I just do not like being pressed to use insulin (and will not). I do not think there is much they may do to help me, in any case, other than to check and see if my bruised feeling organs are actually damaged (probably not though, I really am a tank of an ammortal). Think about it though, needing to urinate 5 times (a night), and a dozen (or two) a day, those organs (kidney, bladder, maybe liver?), for several weeks before I realized the train had derailed, did get a work out.
I finally broke down and put on a cup of fresh French Press French Roast (lovely stuff, but do pardon my French). It did work. With my need to get back on the homework train, and my need to do some shopping coffee may be on the menu, in the short run, toward those ends in spite of caffeine’s negatives (both blood pressure and blood sugar). I will be careful, two big cups a day max, but life is about trade-offs. Even if you do not realize it, you take risks every day for love, money, and fun. This is for all three, if you disagree, cool, put a prayer in G-mail. God is open 24/7. And, He has been quite forgiving, giving, and loving to me so far. Two plus Two, with Him, equals what it is supposed to, even if that is a healthy 24 or something.
Oh, I forgot the mention this yesterday. My lady friend called and wanted to go for dinner yesterday. While a loverly notion, I was, of course, at school. At least I was just in open study, not in class, so I took the call. I turn my cell off in class (church, meetings, with people I am enjoying time, unless something truly Vital is in play like during my Mum's surgery) in any case, so I would otherwise have missed it. She was sorry about not going Saturday, but really, it did not ring true. I think she was quite tired, she had cold fatigue, she (if she even did that) had a smaller event in mind, and I hope she rested up and maybe cleaned or organized in her rabbit warren. I have no difficulty with that, and will not place too much guilt on her for that (she does enough herself, sometimes, and more so if I let it go, odd that), I just note my frustration here. I would like to get together with the witch soon though. I miss seeing her, occasionally, and just talking with a pretty lady, and this one in particular. Liberal, true, but that is the usual natural price for being born with no droppers. Oh, though, there are some who have learned, exceptions are not rules.
Gee, I love digging holes. Dig, dig, dig, “ouch”. Yes, women do love to through rocks, especially if you dig too far. Though I have noted, they will then join you. Ha! Our male and female reality was my first proof that God has a dark, romantic, poetic, odd sense of humor. It is never stated, as with Him, it just Is.
No, I am not going to see my doctor. When I see him next, or if his staff gets back to me about two other issues still outstanding with them, I will discuss arranging a blood test either soon or when I am next scheduled for an appointment. I just do not like being pressed to use insulin (and will not). I do not think there is much they may do to help me, in any case, other than to check and see if my bruised feeling organs are actually damaged (probably not though, I really am a tank of an ammortal). Think about it though, needing to urinate 5 times (a night), and a dozen (or two) a day, those organs (kidney, bladder, maybe liver?), for several weeks before I realized the train had derailed, did get a work out.
I finally broke down and put on a cup of fresh French Press French Roast (lovely stuff, but do pardon my French). It did work. With my need to get back on the homework train, and my need to do some shopping coffee may be on the menu, in the short run, toward those ends in spite of caffeine’s negatives (both blood pressure and blood sugar). I will be careful, two big cups a day max, but life is about trade-offs. Even if you do not realize it, you take risks every day for love, money, and fun. This is for all three, if you disagree, cool, put a prayer in G-mail. God is open 24/7. And, He has been quite forgiving, giving, and loving to me so far. Two plus Two, with Him, equals what it is supposed to, even if that is a healthy 24 or something.
Oh, I forgot the mention this yesterday. My lady friend called and wanted to go for dinner yesterday. While a loverly notion, I was, of course, at school. At least I was just in open study, not in class, so I took the call. I turn my cell off in class (church, meetings, with people I am enjoying time, unless something truly Vital is in play like during my Mum's surgery) in any case, so I would otherwise have missed it. She was sorry about not going Saturday, but really, it did not ring true. I think she was quite tired, she had cold fatigue, she (if she even did that) had a smaller event in mind, and I hope she rested up and maybe cleaned or organized in her rabbit warren. I have no difficulty with that, and will not place too much guilt on her for that (she does enough herself, sometimes, and more so if I let it go, odd that), I just note my frustration here. I would like to get together with the witch soon though. I miss seeing her, occasionally, and just talking with a pretty lady, and this one in particular. Liberal, true, but that is the usual natural price for being born with no droppers. Oh, though, there are some who have learned, exceptions are not rules.
Gee, I love digging holes. Dig, dig, dig, “ouch”. Yes, women do love to through rocks, especially if you dig too far. Though I have noted, they will then join you. Ha! Our male and female reality was my first proof that God has a dark, romantic, poetic, odd sense of humor. It is never stated, as with Him, it just Is.
Better. (Day 37 )
Incredible, to me anyway. From over 600, down to 492, now at 295, my blood sugar has corrected incredibly fast. Those are the reading for the last 3 days. Of course, no sugar has been consume, and regular meals have been on the menu. I probably have been eating less, as well. Mostly lollipops and snacks are what have been cut. I still have the munchies, really heavily. I have been using sugarless gum to help with that. I guess it will have to do.
I am not feeling a lot better yet. Some things are better, though, such as sleeping longer without needing to use the restroom, sleeping a whole night through, being able to stay awake all day, and a bit better concentration. None of it is perfect, or "normal" again yet, but it is better. That blood sugar is resting (no food or water over my sleep period). Each meal takes it up, 20 to even 40 points. Still, when it gets back in line, I am hoping life will ease quite a lot. Then, of course, I will have some catching up to do, both regarding school work and life issues.
I spoke with my lab partner last night. He is behind in the homework. He indicates that he understands the material, but that he just has not had the time to do it. I indicated I would put in as much time as I could. And, that I really wanted to get a handle on the material. I suggested that even talking this out to a rock which offers nothing back, it might not be a complete wash for him, if that is all I can offer at times. At least he got a chuckle from that. Sometimes it works that way for me, though usually, once I get going, I can help understandings a great deal for any study partner.
I am not sure what all I need to do today, so I best get to waking up and get going on it.
I am not feeling a lot better yet. Some things are better, though, such as sleeping longer without needing to use the restroom, sleeping a whole night through, being able to stay awake all day, and a bit better concentration. None of it is perfect, or "normal" again yet, but it is better. That blood sugar is resting (no food or water over my sleep period). Each meal takes it up, 20 to even 40 points. Still, when it gets back in line, I am hoping life will ease quite a lot. Then, of course, I will have some catching up to do, both regarding school work and life issues.
I spoke with my lab partner last night. He is behind in the homework. He indicates that he understands the material, but that he just has not had the time to do it. I indicated I would put in as much time as I could. And, that I really wanted to get a handle on the material. I suggested that even talking this out to a rock which offers nothing back, it might not be a complete wash for him, if that is all I can offer at times. At least he got a chuckle from that. Sometimes it works that way for me, though usually, once I get going, I can help understandings a great deal for any study partner.
I am not sure what all I need to do today, so I best get to waking up and get going on it.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
A few things completed, but it looks pretty ugly.
I did get in to reconciliation today. However, I had intended to make it to church in the lead up to the event. I believe the priest I had spoken with also expected this. I did not realize it snowed, so gave myself only a normal amount of time to get to church. Though, perhaps it is just how bad the roads are anyway, even without the newer snow, but whatever the case, I could not get there in time, not even really close, so I waited to contact him afterward. Not well played, but it is done.
After this, I headed to school. My instructor worked a bit of the material with me. I did what I could, then he would help, and so forth. I will need a lot of work. My test was a little less than average. I think my weakness in this class is physics. I do not have it. I also do not have a general feel for electronics. I think many in the class do have that feel, and often, some practical experience. I will really have to figure out how to dig in, diabetes or no. Class went as well as it will, and we had our first lab tonight. Nothing went well, really. I have been exhausted since heading to class. I would almost have given anything for a few days to sleep.
Unfortunately, I have no tine to sleep. I have a good deal of homework to do, a lab write-up, a class project, and bits and pieces of other necessities to attend. I am not sure how well this will go, but I will do what I can. I already am pushing it, and I might have to really shove to get back on track. I am about to have dinner, then head to bed. I am just too tired to do anything else. I am only even having dinner because I am extremely hungry and I think it would be wise to eat more properly for a while, at least until my blood sugar is normalized, otherwise my need for sleep would win either of those alone.
After this, I headed to school. My instructor worked a bit of the material with me. I did what I could, then he would help, and so forth. I will need a lot of work. My test was a little less than average. I think my weakness in this class is physics. I do not have it. I also do not have a general feel for electronics. I think many in the class do have that feel, and often, some practical experience. I will really have to figure out how to dig in, diabetes or no. Class went as well as it will, and we had our first lab tonight. Nothing went well, really. I have been exhausted since heading to class. I would almost have given anything for a few days to sleep.
Unfortunately, I have no tine to sleep. I have a good deal of homework to do, a lab write-up, a class project, and bits and pieces of other necessities to attend. I am not sure how well this will go, but I will do what I can. I already am pushing it, and I might have to really shove to get back on track. I am about to have dinner, then head to bed. I am just too tired to do anything else. I am only even having dinner because I am extremely hungry and I think it would be wise to eat more properly for a while, at least until my blood sugar is normalized, otherwise my need for sleep would win either of those alone.
An early wake up and a new way.
I slept well, going to bed around 20:00 and waking about 6:43 (all my clocks and my watch disagree, it motivates and… I never have been able to keep them exactly in congruence). I did need to use the bathroom many times last night, though I feel somewhat rested. My guess is, I did not get the sleep I needed, and that will make it sort of a junky day. Still, I have quite a few things to do. I must go to church today, then to… they do not prefer we call it confession anymore, but that is all I can remember of a term for it. Then, I need to rush up to school and see if my instructor has time to work with me on the material. He has indicated an interest, though the early part of the time available clashes with my church activities. Does it seem to anyone else as if when a time is free, and someone puts a claim to it, everyone else seems to want that same time slot? Oh well, it will work out.
I checked my blood sugar this morning. At 492, it is at least readable. I mean to see if there are suggestions, other than just avoiding sugar, which might help lower that count. I am hoping to find something that might actually flush the junk. Though, I need to be careful. Part of the reason I quit using insulin was due to the fact that it was dropping my blood sugar far too low, down into the 50’s, maybe high 40’s. I knew right out that those numbers were serious.
I will not be able to ski today, I believe. I will have to do so tomorrow. That is no real bother though, and perhaps I can more clearly decide then find where I want to ski here in this area. I am just itching to get at it, now that I have the equipment. Considering it costs $15 per day, or $30 for M-F, I decided to rent them for M-F. But the only real way to profit from that strongly, is to use them more than twice in that time. So, I have a goal of actually skiing every day, that, my friend, is called capitalism. And, it works. Skiing every day saves me $45 from the next lowest price, that of $15 per day. The weekly rental ($60), used daily, only saves the same $45 dollars, so it loses economy over the period. As well, weekends are not the greatest time to be skiing, so many others get out that the ski areas must be clogged. This is a very vibrant community, and people do take advantage of what is available to them. Good, bad, a little of both, but I tend to like the idea, if not all of the realities.
I had best get things on the road. Clean teeth will start it off, breakfast to follow, then… I am not quite that awake yet. But, it will be a busy day, to be sure. Oh… I will be buying a study bible, a concordance, both, or something. I need to get my scriptures set for my speech. And anyway, I need those items. Yeah, I am going broker and broker, and it might put things off, but, se la vie! Ok, I should not be so cavalier, but how can one not be when riding the avalanche that is life, and understanding it as such? Have a great day, and ride that reality storm like you knew what you are doing! Heck, do a flip, it really does not matter. Ha!
I checked my blood sugar this morning. At 492, it is at least readable. I mean to see if there are suggestions, other than just avoiding sugar, which might help lower that count. I am hoping to find something that might actually flush the junk. Though, I need to be careful. Part of the reason I quit using insulin was due to the fact that it was dropping my blood sugar far too low, down into the 50’s, maybe high 40’s. I knew right out that those numbers were serious.
I will not be able to ski today, I believe. I will have to do so tomorrow. That is no real bother though, and perhaps I can more clearly decide then find where I want to ski here in this area. I am just itching to get at it, now that I have the equipment. Considering it costs $15 per day, or $30 for M-F, I decided to rent them for M-F. But the only real way to profit from that strongly, is to use them more than twice in that time. So, I have a goal of actually skiing every day, that, my friend, is called capitalism. And, it works. Skiing every day saves me $45 from the next lowest price, that of $15 per day. The weekly rental ($60), used daily, only saves the same $45 dollars, so it loses economy over the period. As well, weekends are not the greatest time to be skiing, so many others get out that the ski areas must be clogged. This is a very vibrant community, and people do take advantage of what is available to them. Good, bad, a little of both, but I tend to like the idea, if not all of the realities.
I had best get things on the road. Clean teeth will start it off, breakfast to follow, then… I am not quite that awake yet. But, it will be a busy day, to be sure. Oh… I will be buying a study bible, a concordance, both, or something. I need to get my scriptures set for my speech. And anyway, I need those items. Yeah, I am going broker and broker, and it might put things off, but, se la vie! Ok, I should not be so cavalier, but how can one not be when riding the avalanche that is life, and understanding it as such? Have a great day, and ride that reality storm like you knew what you are doing! Heck, do a flip, it really does not matter. Ha!
Monday, February 11, 2008
I think I did it all, or pretty close.
Let us see. I upgraded my phone, got water, rented the skis, even checked out a local ski area (could not get back to it though, it looked like a water main had broken, and they were finishing up the repairs, which closed off the two lane road back to the area, if I was in the right place, anyway), I called my priest and I have arranged an appointment with him tomorrow afternoon, and the rest, I believe. It took me all day to get everything done. Everyone moves so slowly. The cell phone upgrade took at least two, and probably pushing into three hours to complete. It seemed insane, but I could tell it was not the young woman working with me who was holding things up (?). Their system seemed to be very slow tonight, then again, it is always slow. I cannot believe how much I got done today, though I am quite tired. I am charging the phone, and will play with it tomorrow, if I can concentrate.
I purchased the BlackBerry 8030, I think. The Pearl is smaller (a minus for my hand size anyway) and I did not like how it types. As well, the one I purchased is the only one which may be fitted for international travel. I asked if it would handle MS documents, and was told yes, probably, for a fee. I will have to check into that. I have 30 days to return it, no questions asked. A $400 phone for $100 dollars, and one I could really use if it all works out, I can deal with that. My old phone seemed to be a half step into the techno grave, battery time was slipping and the calendar alarms and messages did not always ring through. Plus, Verizon has changed, they no longer extend the contract for all phones when just one is changed. If they tried that this time, I was not only going to back out, I was going to cancel Verizon.
I just had a bite to eat, otherwise I would check my blood sugar. I will check it in about two hours. I wonder how fast I can bring it down this time. I will not go in and ask for insulin again, so it might take a bit longer. Hrmph! It will get down or not. Though tired, and without the ability to focus very well, I am actually feeling fine. Goodnight.
I purchased the BlackBerry 8030, I think. The Pearl is smaller (a minus for my hand size anyway) and I did not like how it types. As well, the one I purchased is the only one which may be fitted for international travel. I asked if it would handle MS documents, and was told yes, probably, for a fee. I will have to check into that. I have 30 days to return it, no questions asked. A $400 phone for $100 dollars, and one I could really use if it all works out, I can deal with that. My old phone seemed to be a half step into the techno grave, battery time was slipping and the calendar alarms and messages did not always ring through. Plus, Verizon has changed, they no longer extend the contract for all phones when just one is changed. If they tried that this time, I was not only going to back out, I was going to cancel Verizon.
I just had a bite to eat, otherwise I would check my blood sugar. I will check it in about two hours. I wonder how fast I can bring it down this time. I will not go in and ask for insulin again, so it might take a bit longer. Hrmph! It will get down or not. Though tired, and without the ability to focus very well, I am actually feeling fine. Goodnight.
Quite a bit done, a few things left to do (many things, actually), the whole time sky high.
I finally got off my duff today and went into the wild. Rocky now has 8 little friends. My blood sugar device has a new battery and is set up. I probably will get over to the ski rental place. I was near the business, then I freaked. I thought, what if $15 dollars is just for the skis, with boots, poles, and who knows what else as extra. I know I called before, but as I remember it, I only asked about “ski rental”. Business do not always offer more information than what is asked. It is sometimes a trick, sometimes it is a 16 years old answering the call, with no clue about connections or ultimate costs, values, and such. After checking, it is indeed just $15 for the whole thing. I have been to the grocery store, picking up almost everything. I forgot to bring my empty jugs for water refills, I figure I can do that on my way to pick up the skis. As well, I called the VA to check on my doctor’s progress in contacting VA Vocation Rehabilitation Services, leaving a message as usual. And, last night (I think) I emailed about helping the ladies with their CEW (Christian Education Weekend). They need meal preparation assistants, so I am signing up for lunch and dinner, Saturday I believe. Though I have suggested they use me where they need the most help, so that might change. I will probably also try to contact my priest and see about a confession soon. I need it, but things have just been very tight lately. I kept trying to make it Saturday mornings, but I do not seem capable, at this time. So, I must do what I must do.
After returning home, I immediately set up my blood testing kit. I went through and set it all up, time, date, beeper, and some things I was not sure about, but had to pick, then tried it. I came up with “HI”, as the readout. Stupid machine. I could not immediately find the manual, so I went online in search of more detailed information. I assumed I had set something up incorrectly. I found information online, but not enough. As I was looking through this and that, here at my cave, I happened upon the manual. It was as empty as the online information, no help either place. So, I called the VA back (after my earlier call), and asked to speak with someone who knew something. I actually was sent to the right woman right away. I asked her about the readings. It seems, since I have not used this device in some time and that the blood collecting strips were opened and have been opened for a long time, they have probably become invalid. Otherwise, the thing would be indicating a blood sugar out-of-range of the device, say, 600 or more. Whew, ok, so, I find the only spare unopened bottle of test strips. I set the machine for them, and… “HI”. Ok, I had better quit with the sugar, yesterday. Man, one of these days I am just going to pop… Maybe today, really. Frig it, I cannot stop now. At least I understand some of the symptoms. It will be interesting to see if I can make it.
I have some phone calls to make, a visit or two, and a few bits of shopping left. Oh, do not bother knocking on wood, either way. I will never be that lucky. Trust me, my way is the way of pain, not a fluffy coma into oblivion. And, whoever delivers that pain will probably suffer much more than I, meaning, it will be a small army that brings me down at some atrocious attrition, someday. Well, a girl can dream, can’t she? HA! I slay me.
After returning home, I immediately set up my blood testing kit. I went through and set it all up, time, date, beeper, and some things I was not sure about, but had to pick, then tried it. I came up with “HI”, as the readout. Stupid machine. I could not immediately find the manual, so I went online in search of more detailed information. I assumed I had set something up incorrectly. I found information online, but not enough. As I was looking through this and that, here at my cave, I happened upon the manual. It was as empty as the online information, no help either place. So, I called the VA back (after my earlier call), and asked to speak with someone who knew something. I actually was sent to the right woman right away. I asked her about the readings. It seems, since I have not used this device in some time and that the blood collecting strips were opened and have been opened for a long time, they have probably become invalid. Otherwise, the thing would be indicating a blood sugar out-of-range of the device, say, 600 or more. Whew, ok, so, I find the only spare unopened bottle of test strips. I set the machine for them, and… “HI”. Ok, I had better quit with the sugar, yesterday. Man, one of these days I am just going to pop… Maybe today, really. Frig it, I cannot stop now. At least I understand some of the symptoms. It will be interesting to see if I can make it.
I have some phone calls to make, a visit or two, and a few bits of shopping left. Oh, do not bother knocking on wood, either way. I will never be that lucky. Trust me, my way is the way of pain, not a fluffy coma into oblivion. And, whoever delivers that pain will probably suffer much more than I, meaning, it will be a small army that brings me down at some atrocious attrition, someday. Well, a girl can dream, can’t she? HA! I slay me.
That stupid crawdad. (Day 35)
Rocky went through 7 “pals” in one day. I do not know how or why he did this. It is the worst case of carnage I have ever seen. I keep removing rotting bits of goldfish, only to find more every time I turn around. He does not have pockets, so I have no idea where he hides the fetid fish bits between cleanings. At least the bits are tasty, with a little vinegar. Old English tavern fish and chips vinegar is the best for the fetid sushi.
I have a good deal to do today. I will take a look at the weather, if it is to remain chill, perhaps with the chance of more snow, I will rent skis later today. I need to purchase a battery for the blood sugar monitor. I would like to get Rocky more friends. I have a bit of grocery shopping to do, milk, whole whipping cream, water refills, and a few other essentials fill the list to a minor excursion. Since I missed CPAC, I thought about recording a few “Boo”s for McCain, and getting those off. I have to send my mother an extra charger for her cell phone, luckily I have one so only need to pay shipping costs. I would like to drop by and look at new cell phones, I will probably get a Blackberry. As life is heating up, I need a little more connectivity, seriously. As well, the ability to work on certain files, emailed to me, often on the fly, will make life much easier. With what I save finally being able to rid myself of two of the four phone lines on my system, I should come out just fine, over time. I will have to print this post just to stay on track.
Homework will be something I must figure about throughout the day as well. When I am not doing that, I will probably get busy on my apartment again, of course, when not doing some parts of the list above or that last. I am not sure how far I can dig into it, but I will do what I can so that if my instructor decides to help out, I will be a bit more squared away, and ready to re-digest the material.
Oh, fine, I will leave you alone, eat a few bagels with cream cheese and sip some orange juice, and then get busy. After getting some of the house (much of it) clean, I do feel better. It will be interesting to see what I can get done. I am already feeling the need for sleep after being up two hours, and having slept a full night. Oh well, have a good day yourself.
I have a good deal to do today. I will take a look at the weather, if it is to remain chill, perhaps with the chance of more snow, I will rent skis later today. I need to purchase a battery for the blood sugar monitor. I would like to get Rocky more friends. I have a bit of grocery shopping to do, milk, whole whipping cream, water refills, and a few other essentials fill the list to a minor excursion. Since I missed CPAC, I thought about recording a few “Boo”s for McCain, and getting those off. I have to send my mother an extra charger for her cell phone, luckily I have one so only need to pay shipping costs. I would like to drop by and look at new cell phones, I will probably get a Blackberry. As life is heating up, I need a little more connectivity, seriously. As well, the ability to work on certain files, emailed to me, often on the fly, will make life much easier. With what I save finally being able to rid myself of two of the four phone lines on my system, I should come out just fine, over time. I will have to print this post just to stay on track.
Homework will be something I must figure about throughout the day as well. When I am not doing that, I will probably get busy on my apartment again, of course, when not doing some parts of the list above or that last. I am not sure how far I can dig into it, but I will do what I can so that if my instructor decides to help out, I will be a bit more squared away, and ready to re-digest the material.
Oh, fine, I will leave you alone, eat a few bagels with cream cheese and sip some orange juice, and then get busy. After getting some of the house (much of it) clean, I do feel better. It will be interesting to see what I can get done. I am already feeling the need for sleep after being up two hours, and having slept a full night. Oh well, have a good day yourself.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
I am not sure…
I cannot be sure what is wrong. I am remaining active, but I am still exhausted. On top of the other symptoms, I feel perpetually bloated. I really am not sure what it is. I almost skipped out on my meeting tonight. Really, I am quite tired. I went to the meeting, if I felt very odd. There were things I needed to have tonight, I only completed one of the three. I am unsure how to complete the others, quickly and rightly anyway. I will try to have these done by next week. In spite of the lack of concentration and wakefulness, I am continuing on as I may. I forgot to pick up a battery for the blood serum/sugar/whatever tester. Just too many things on my mind. Tomorrow, promise.
I have decided to help the ladies out with their weekend event, by working in the kitchen for them. I have contacted my instructor, and asked if we can get together to look over some of the material. I have been trying to get my doctor and financial advisor together, to no avail. I am still trying to figure out what I need to do to get some a medical release for some of the classes I last took, when hampered by high blood pressure medicine. As well, I am trying to figure out how to get skiing started up. I know I am trying to spend little or nothing, but…
You know what, in spite of being a cripple, numb from the neck up, and down, and being exhausted too, I am doing pretty good. Yeah, it is tough. Yes, the results are rough, incomplete, ongoing, or all three! Ha. But I am doing it as I can, within my abilities, and up to the limits of my capacity, and then some. Life is just frustrating. It will not get much better, probably, without getting a whole lot worse. Oh, by the way, I saw a woman tonight, and again, who has attracted my eye, both of them in truth. I will not quite give my heart, I am not sure if she is the one. I know she could be, maybe. Plus, I think she likes me, always a hug, knows my name, you know. I will have to ask about her, but I am not sure who knows her. Drats!
Okay, I will go. I did a spot of cleaning today, and would like to finish a few more tasks. I might look over the course work and try and make some sense of it. Perhaps an early hour into bed might provide a decent and right awakening. Sleep well yourself, or… have a good day... whichever suits your needs or interest.
I have decided to help the ladies out with their weekend event, by working in the kitchen for them. I have contacted my instructor, and asked if we can get together to look over some of the material. I have been trying to get my doctor and financial advisor together, to no avail. I am still trying to figure out what I need to do to get some a medical release for some of the classes I last took, when hampered by high blood pressure medicine. As well, I am trying to figure out how to get skiing started up. I know I am trying to spend little or nothing, but…
You know what, in spite of being a cripple, numb from the neck up, and down, and being exhausted too, I am doing pretty good. Yeah, it is tough. Yes, the results are rough, incomplete, ongoing, or all three! Ha. But I am doing it as I can, within my abilities, and up to the limits of my capacity, and then some. Life is just frustrating. It will not get much better, probably, without getting a whole lot worse. Oh, by the way, I saw a woman tonight, and again, who has attracted my eye, both of them in truth. I will not quite give my heart, I am not sure if she is the one. I know she could be, maybe. Plus, I think she likes me, always a hug, knows my name, you know. I will have to ask about her, but I am not sure who knows her. Drats!
Okay, I will go. I did a spot of cleaning today, and would like to finish a few more tasks. I might look over the course work and try and make some sense of it. Perhaps an early hour into bed might provide a decent and right awakening. Sleep well yourself, or… have a good day... whichever suits your needs or interest.
The Reloader. (Day 34)
Ok, I finally looked at my finances. If I spend nothing this or next month, other than bills and very little for food, I might be able to buy it next month. Actually, I could do it today, I have a credit card, again, and finally (I waited for a 9.9% card). My deal with credit cards is this, I will only spend what I actually have in the bank. More, I cannot use that money to pay it off, and I must continue my savings program, paying the card down with my free money. I do not know how well it will work, but I am trying to do it correctly this time. I have a little money coming back from a return and the tax refund thing ($300 for disabled vets). I may wait for those, which would put me well in advance, if I can just keep from spending almost anything until then, I might be able to afford both the reloader and my next item, probably an AK-47 and 6 magazine, plus 2 extra magazines for my XD .45, plus some extenders and expanders for those last.
After these necessities are cared for, I can probably get back to outdoor gear purchases. I may go ahead with the reloader, and hold off on the rest though, waiting to see if the guys are running a white water trip this year. I feel bad about getting all excited about it, then having to back out. This time, I am trying to plan ahead. Bah, I should be honest. I am horrible with money. I always think I have more than I do, I hold onto my coin like a typical sailor on leave, but I like to dream. Anyway, that is still the plan, until tomorrow most likely, somehow.
I am having a great deal of difficulty focusing on homework, or anything really. I did find my blood sugar monitor (whatever it is really called). I have not picked up a new battery, but now that I have found it, that will get done today. I am falling behind in school and am not sure how to shove the thing back on track. I may have to write an email to my instructor and see if he would be willing to try and help me jumpstart my studies. I would ask my study mate, but though he seems more up on it than I, he struggles greatly with this material and has his hands far too full to mess with this I think. The good thing is that the group meetings I have been required to attend each Sunday will end after this Sundays meeting. It seems simple, but one more thing tires me that much more. I would not even call it a linear thing, the exhaustion ends up being exponential for each additional activity. Though, I had better get my speech together. I am supposed to have my music ready today, and my scripture passages. Arghhh… I had not realized this until I reviewed the email today. I knew it was coming, just not when. I think I have the music (it is as… questionable, yes, questionable, as my speech, perhaps it will work).
Oh, after all things are bought and trips made, then I will look at either a .308 rifle and scope (probably a Remington 700 R5 Mil Spec, with solid Leupold glass, though that is still open) or a .500 S&W Magnum, in either 5”-6” or 8 ¾” barrel, I will have to check them side by side with a holster, to check draw. It would also be nice to plug a few rounds through each. Of course, that will be after some more camping gear. Eventually I will be caught up enough that I might be able to simply save again, someday.
And, if you were curious, I have remained tobacco free. And, no, I am still tight about it. It happens less often, but the severity is still intense. It is difficult to imagine something could be this intense, and seemingly (obviously, immediately) useless. Yet, I know that down further, and for more than health reasons, quitting is right, for me and now. Oddly, the last time I quit (for about 3 months), I do not remember it being anywhere near this bad (though I used the patch the first month and a half, starting heavy and moving to medium, then light, two weeks each as I remember it).
After these necessities are cared for, I can probably get back to outdoor gear purchases. I may go ahead with the reloader, and hold off on the rest though, waiting to see if the guys are running a white water trip this year. I feel bad about getting all excited about it, then having to back out. This time, I am trying to plan ahead. Bah, I should be honest. I am horrible with money. I always think I have more than I do, I hold onto my coin like a typical sailor on leave, but I like to dream. Anyway, that is still the plan, until tomorrow most likely, somehow.
I am having a great deal of difficulty focusing on homework, or anything really. I did find my blood sugar monitor (whatever it is really called). I have not picked up a new battery, but now that I have found it, that will get done today. I am falling behind in school and am not sure how to shove the thing back on track. I may have to write an email to my instructor and see if he would be willing to try and help me jumpstart my studies. I would ask my study mate, but though he seems more up on it than I, he struggles greatly with this material and has his hands far too full to mess with this I think. The good thing is that the group meetings I have been required to attend each Sunday will end after this Sundays meeting. It seems simple, but one more thing tires me that much more. I would not even call it a linear thing, the exhaustion ends up being exponential for each additional activity. Though, I had better get my speech together. I am supposed to have my music ready today, and my scripture passages. Arghhh… I had not realized this until I reviewed the email today. I knew it was coming, just not when. I think I have the music (it is as… questionable, yes, questionable, as my speech, perhaps it will work).
Oh, after all things are bought and trips made, then I will look at either a .308 rifle and scope (probably a Remington 700 R5 Mil Spec, with solid Leupold glass, though that is still open) or a .500 S&W Magnum, in either 5”-6” or 8 ¾” barrel, I will have to check them side by side with a holster, to check draw. It would also be nice to plug a few rounds through each. Of course, that will be after some more camping gear. Eventually I will be caught up enough that I might be able to simply save again, someday.
And, if you were curious, I have remained tobacco free. And, no, I am still tight about it. It happens less often, but the severity is still intense. It is difficult to imagine something could be this intense, and seemingly (obviously, immediately) useless. Yet, I know that down further, and for more than health reasons, quitting is right, for me and now. Oddly, the last time I quit (for about 3 months), I do not remember it being anywhere near this bad (though I used the patch the first month and a half, starting heavy and moving to medium, then light, two weeks each as I remember it).
Friday, February 8, 2008
Suspicious. (Day 32)
Incessant thirst, odd moods, persistent exhaustion, and the need for frequent urination all lead me to suspect diabetes is back. I have been drinking a bit more soda, and eating more treats. At first, my consumption was minor. As time went on, I began to drink the stuff like I used to drink it, which is way too much. The batteries in my blood tester have died, and at the time they did so I had such good blood sugar that I had not replaced them. One more thing on my list of things to do, in spite of my incapacity to do as much as I had only recently been able to do. Then again, it is only a suspicion. Perhaps my exhaustion is just seasonal, perhaps it is something I have to fight forever, but with the other things, I am taking precautions. No more soda, for a while, no sugary treats, at least what I prefer to eat primarily is sugar free. Meat, I just love fresh cooked meat, and sometimes vegetables when I can remember about them, and fruits. Fruits are becoming my new snack food, again. Yeah, I am a dork. Yes, I should have known. Hush, you…
My vacation is off. My friend lied to me, but women do that. She said she was afraid of the weather, but it is beautiful today, and will probably be fantastic tomorrow and better Sunday. She mentioned how tired she is, at first. Fine, I understand that. But, I felt like there was something she was not telling me. After the first and second time trying to get me to drop out of the thing, she admitted she wants to go to a charity dinner Saturday night. Beyond, she thought perhaps I would go with her. The charity is for local social charities, such as the homeless shelter and perhaps the food-closet for the needy. Not really something I believe in, as it has become a huge local problem, one that money does not seem to be fixing. Still, there are times I do things for the company, people involved, and such, things I would not otherwise do. However, though she is on a positive for this, the fact that is will be held by and in one of the churches which I felt compelled to leave, and so worry about social difficulties, I had to decline. I just do not believe in any of the social programs, which they have used to replace their Christian faith. As freaky as I might be, I understand and reject the oddities of my life. I understand God does not reject me for any eccentricities, but He has a preference how we deal with the oddities that exist in a fallen world. Some do not understand, perhaps they cannot, perhaps they will not. All I know is that I am not among them. In this case, God said “No”, and I realized the Catholic Church has it, inherently, if there are problems. Paul was working on that from the start, and if still alive, would still be working on it. That has passed to his successor(s).
Well, I will not complain greatly about the change of plans. I really am exhausted. I really am hoping by changing my behavior, I might be able to get to work on the class material. I could also get some housecleaning finished. Oh, my landlord called today. I had informed him that the sheriff’s department had left a note wanting to contact my former neighbor (go figure). Though, by the looks of it, it is just the sheriff trying to serve court papers regarding debt. I had a cousin living with me, who ended up with such difficulties. He decided to drop by today, to check on the other apartment (and tinker, I think he likes working there, now that he is retired), and to thank me for letting him know. He missed me, though, as I was napping, so he called this afternoon. He called both to thank me for passing on the information, but more, for keeping the drive and walk so clean. Yeah, this is a new thing. I am getting better, and it shows, I guess.
My vacation is off. My friend lied to me, but women do that. She said she was afraid of the weather, but it is beautiful today, and will probably be fantastic tomorrow and better Sunday. She mentioned how tired she is, at first. Fine, I understand that. But, I felt like there was something she was not telling me. After the first and second time trying to get me to drop out of the thing, she admitted she wants to go to a charity dinner Saturday night. Beyond, she thought perhaps I would go with her. The charity is for local social charities, such as the homeless shelter and perhaps the food-closet for the needy. Not really something I believe in, as it has become a huge local problem, one that money does not seem to be fixing. Still, there are times I do things for the company, people involved, and such, things I would not otherwise do. However, though she is on a positive for this, the fact that is will be held by and in one of the churches which I felt compelled to leave, and so worry about social difficulties, I had to decline. I just do not believe in any of the social programs, which they have used to replace their Christian faith. As freaky as I might be, I understand and reject the oddities of my life. I understand God does not reject me for any eccentricities, but He has a preference how we deal with the oddities that exist in a fallen world. Some do not understand, perhaps they cannot, perhaps they will not. All I know is that I am not among them. In this case, God said “No”, and I realized the Catholic Church has it, inherently, if there are problems. Paul was working on that from the start, and if still alive, would still be working on it. That has passed to his successor(s).
Well, I will not complain greatly about the change of plans. I really am exhausted. I really am hoping by changing my behavior, I might be able to get to work on the class material. I could also get some housecleaning finished. Oh, my landlord called today. I had informed him that the sheriff’s department had left a note wanting to contact my former neighbor (go figure). Though, by the looks of it, it is just the sheriff trying to serve court papers regarding debt. I had a cousin living with me, who ended up with such difficulties. He decided to drop by today, to check on the other apartment (and tinker, I think he likes working there, now that he is retired), and to thank me for letting him know. He missed me, though, as I was napping, so he called this afternoon. He called both to thank me for passing on the information, but more, for keeping the drive and walk so clean. Yeah, this is a new thing. I am getting better, and it shows, I guess.
Thursday, February 7, 2008
Now I have worked, alas I am both out of beer and grounded from it anyway. (Day 31)
When I went to survey the snow removal task while I checked the mail, I realized I was in a heap of trouble. Across my double wide drive stood a 12’ x 5’ road/snow grader leaving. It was between 1’ and 2’ across at the top, he must have been by several times. The material had been slush and snow, now it was ice, and it could support my 300 pounds. There were chunks I could not break apart and had to lift and toss, like logs or boulders and of some significant size. Ok, I must be old. It took three times at the pile to get it down and out, with an hour or two break between shifts. At least, after the final shift, I was able to just use the snow blower on the sidewalk and the rest of my drive without a rest. All my neighbors had their work done. I can only imagine this is one time they really would have liked if I had gotten to it all quickly. I did not realize it was there until around 1:30 or so this morning.
I am really beating myself up on this snow. Perhaps that is why I am so tired. I have started drinking a lot more plain water, I have been thirsty as the devil and nothing seems to quench that thirst. All the work has probably been dehydrating me, and soda, coffee, and milk will not quite fill that void, soda and coffee hurt the situation. I have consumed about 3 gallons of water these last two days, and mostly avoided soda and coffee. Milk and orange juice has also been in the line-up, as at least it does not feel like those dehydrate me. Actually, I am finding that winter wear, with heavy labor close to home, is not at all necessary. Still, I wear it like a lumberjack or something, sometimes. Whether it is -9 F, 21 F, or 36 F, heavy work makes life easy. I am not sure how long that would last, and I am pretty sure without a close warm shelter, cooling down while in a rest period could be severe if not done correctly (as I already knew). Still, it is fun for play, and probably will be very useful for sport and extended winter events.
I think I will reward myself though. A hearty breakfast out would be good. There is a new Ihop in my area. Though I think I prefer Perkins, I think there is only one sure way to know. I get to feed my gullet and avoid messing up the already pretty messy kitchen, try a new place, and feel good about it all. Plus, maybe it will give me some energy to tear into the homework and maybe alternately clean the kitchen when that gets too tight. Nice, a workable plan.
I have developed a plan for the gas, fill the machine up after every use and as I put it away. I will then know to get gas before I am completely out. Sure, yeah, I suppose some of you know this from your own work with the lawn or snow blowing. I am a relative newbie to this sort of thing. The little pieces are what add together to produce a well rounded socially and mechanically fit adult man. Broken or not, that is what I am trying to become. Perhaps in the effort I will become, perhaps it is just the doing, or, maybe something has changed and I now can do what is needed, if in small bits still and so far. I do note, regardless, I can still disappoint myself sorely.
Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.
I am really beating myself up on this snow. Perhaps that is why I am so tired. I have started drinking a lot more plain water, I have been thirsty as the devil and nothing seems to quench that thirst. All the work has probably been dehydrating me, and soda, coffee, and milk will not quite fill that void, soda and coffee hurt the situation. I have consumed about 3 gallons of water these last two days, and mostly avoided soda and coffee. Milk and orange juice has also been in the line-up, as at least it does not feel like those dehydrate me. Actually, I am finding that winter wear, with heavy labor close to home, is not at all necessary. Still, I wear it like a lumberjack or something, sometimes. Whether it is -9 F, 21 F, or 36 F, heavy work makes life easy. I am not sure how long that would last, and I am pretty sure without a close warm shelter, cooling down while in a rest period could be severe if not done correctly (as I already knew). Still, it is fun for play, and probably will be very useful for sport and extended winter events.
I think I will reward myself though. A hearty breakfast out would be good. There is a new Ihop in my area. Though I think I prefer Perkins, I think there is only one sure way to know. I get to feed my gullet and avoid messing up the already pretty messy kitchen, try a new place, and feel good about it all. Plus, maybe it will give me some energy to tear into the homework and maybe alternately clean the kitchen when that gets too tight. Nice, a workable plan.
I have developed a plan for the gas, fill the machine up after every use and as I put it away. I will then know to get gas before I am completely out. Sure, yeah, I suppose some of you know this from your own work with the lawn or snow blowing. I am a relative newbie to this sort of thing. The little pieces are what add together to produce a well rounded socially and mechanically fit adult man. Broken or not, that is what I am trying to become. Perhaps in the effort I will become, perhaps it is just the doing, or, maybe something has changed and I now can do what is needed, if in small bits still and so far. I do note, regardless, I can still disappoint myself sorely.
Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.
Wow, what was in that beer?
I have looked around the web. I may actually quit blogging after this one. I went WAY overboard. This is more than embarrassing. I really did only drink 10 beers, if I drank them… well, very fast. I probably had the first 6 down in 10 minutes, the rest in about another half hour. After that, I just coasted. I cannot believe I said some of what I said, and, I cannot remember saying it. I have become a lightweight, and a horrible one. I keep stumbling over little piles of stupid, and I am just amazed I was such an idiot. For shame! Really. I am thinking about whether to quit blogging, or not.
Oh, and, I was wrong. I do not believe much of what I said. I am not even sure I understand half of what I said. Though, after I blush while reading, I am not sure making sense out of it is necessarily possible. Wow, I do not understand how this happened. Really, I try to be a decent guy. Could I get that confused, mean, or stupid that easily?
Oh, and, I was wrong. I do not believe much of what I said. I am not even sure I understand half of what I said. Though, after I blush while reading, I am not sure making sense out of it is necessarily possible. Wow, I do not understand how this happened. Really, I try to be a decent guy. Could I get that confused, mean, or stupid that easily?
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