Good gravy, really.

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While visiting my mother's home, my 'aunt' showed me how to make enchilada sauce. While she was talking about it, she mentioned something about gravy. I sort of chuckled and said that I had about given up on gravy. She then suggested I pay close attention, more so if I wanted to learn about gravy as well. She then showed me what she did with the enchilada sauce and then suggested how I would do it differently for gravy. And really, there is not that much difference other than for gravy you use the sauce of a meat rather than a vegetable oil. And really, I think one could easily use the meat fats to produce the enchilada sauce if you used a little forethought and had enough meat juice to work with, though I do not know if that is technically or traditionally frowned upon.

As it turns out, she taught me well. I roasted chicken hindquarters tonight. I bought a bag which I thought only had 8 or 9 hindquarters. It ended up that I had about 15 handsomely sized hindquarters. Too many for one, but I have friends and I might make two enchilada casseroles, one with ground beef and one with dark chicken meat! I sure hope I have friends, though I suppose I could freeze. Well, except I will be moving in a matter of weeks. Oh well. In any case, I decided to try and make chicken gravy tonight. And it was, as I have suggested, good gravy! It is not the best gravy I have every had, but it is better than I have ever made by miles. Such a simple thing, after a simple show and tell session, I am almost embarrassed. The only real problem is that the gravy was a bit lumpy, just a bit but it is there. I will have to work with temperature control. I stayed with it and stirred constantly, but it was a bit hot so I didn't have as much time to mash it out as I would have liked.

I cannot wait to try my hand at the enchilada casseroles! I have at least one friend who will most likely take some of it off my hands, and I might actually have two or more. I purchased everything my 'aunt' suggested. And more, I bought green onions to slice for a topping and sour cream. I bet this is going to irritate my lady friend. I finally make a new fantastic dish and then move! Oh, I bet the witch will follow me out, at least once every year or two for a week of good eating, national and state park visits, canoeing or kayaking, and just maybe skiing or something.

I know, I had suggested leaving every one and every thing. But who does not dream of that from time to time. Dogs and our fleas, or is it the other way around? I suppose fleas dream of not having to sleep with the dog for a meal? Yeah, probably. Which has it worse, which is worse really, and why? Questions, and more questions than I can answer. As I have suggested, after a bit of praying and keeping my mind and heart open to God's will, everything has been reset. Stress, fear, anger, politics, family difficulties, and just the nature of things confuse me from time to time. Having a compass and guide, should I remember to use them, is, if a crutch, a great thing. I just suggest if you do not have the crutch of truth, it is like not having the crutch of a compass. Without those things, a walk in the woods could easily lead you to a difficult end. I will stay with my compass, thank you.

I was able to do many smaller tasks this evening. I am not sure how long it will take me to get my days and nights turned back around, but I am sort of trying to figure that out. The meal was actually a gift to myself for doing well. I actually had to cook the chicken as it was thawed, but the gravy was... well, gravy! I think I will be able to get this figured out and be ready maybe even a bit ahead of schedule. My lady friend says she is busy, and she may be. But I may be seeing her Sunday. I have an offer for her, my long term neighbor, or someone else. Money for assistance. After returning the computer, I end up having a lot more financial flexibility. The cash and credit are stacking up and time is drawing short. Even a few hours every other day along with my work. For me, getting some help sorting and then seeing more work done that what I could do alone both go to egging me on.

Well, I need to sleep now. Take care.

If not perfectly...

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I have started to work. I am doing little jobs here and there. It is slow going as I try to sort both what to do and then all the little things that must be done with each project or area. I am trying to start slowly, as I know I can easily become overwhelmed, especially as working in one area finds me being forced to work in another area in order to the first area correctly. If it stopped there, I think I would be fine, but when it spider webs to a dozen other areas, I can run into real trouble.

Part of the reason I wanted discussion about autism, if I wrapped it around general illness, was because some of what is discussed about autism (also, as one person discussed it, extreme maleness) seems to hit home. I tend to be able to focus on some things extremely well, but when I am required to do too many things, I become dysfunctional to a degree. Too many pans on the stove and things in the oven and I lose all cohesion to the tasks at hand, and in a broader sense, to life in general.

No, I do not think I am autistic. I just see parallels. There are other things that are wrong with me, but there is not just one thing wrong, I think. I have tried to believe there is nothing wrong, and like the paraplegic who uses his arms to lift himself out of his wheel chair and then simply tries to walk, I too collapse in a pile. Since I have little else to do, and medical intervention has not worked, while my mind is still relatively good, I do think about what really is wrong.

Anyway, back to the projects. As I said, I am trying to take it a bit slower, at least for now. However, I am seeing that I can do work. I am seeing progress. And seeing those two may lead me to getting things done on time and well. I still give this over to prayer. I wish I could lay claim to this, but I think prayer both helped me to focus and reset my compass and allowed me to get back on track. Beyond, I am still easily finding time to do whatever else I need to do, such as laundry, cooking and other food preparation, blogging, and cleaning and upkeep.

I think my next goal is to get my days and nights back in order, to go to confession, and to figure out how to get back to church. I need to take control of my life again. I am, once again, becoming excited about the move. As I am seeing progress and beginning to believe I can do this in time on time, I am able to see what lies past the move. It is good. Well, back to work.

Prayer is quite the tool.

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As some of you may now, I have been having a difficult period. Little is getting done, there are things I just cannot seem to nail down, and I have a feeling of powerlessness. I have, of course, been praying. And, I have been asking Him to take some of the external worries, to show me how to deal with these things as well such as what is happening politically, in the Church, and inter-personally regarding those worries.

I will not say prayer simply fixes everything and I suddenly have no worries, or that I will not need to work, or that I suddenly feel super. I cannot say I will just jump up and it will all work. What I can say is that my mind has been directed to begin focusing my efforts, that I see that doing one thing at a time will get all of the work done, and that I can do these things with a little work and hope, with faith and charity filling in where other things might be weaker.

And more. God seems to have shown me that what I cannot change is simply that, out of my hands. What he has directed me to in those regards is to what I can do. I can pray, of course. I can communicate with those who hold my political and religious beliefs, or similar enough for our mutual ends, in order to change the landscape of politics in the future and in the Church by being present. I see that my refusal to attend Church is a mistake, though I understand some of that is my health limits, and so a bit of rationalization. Though too, I had sort of given up going, resting on my crutches rather than using them when I really could have along with a bit of anger at the large presence of people in the Church who voted for abortion.

That is not the whole of what has come to me, I do not think I could write it all down. But to say I have come to hope would be an understatement. I am more refreshed than the man who has been walking through the desert for several days who chances upon a clean fresh pool of water. Now comes the hard part. Now comes the place where I am involved. Now I must step up and thankfully begin working toward what I must do. And, too, I must give up any bitterness and anger and merely begin working. My childishness must end, to the point I am able to make that happen.

No, this does not mean I will not look and see the problems being created by an overweening government. I will not be putting my head in the sand. What I will be doing, however, is finding means of voicing my displeasure, voting when available, and becoming a part of a Christian and conservative community and helping those communities grow in strength but without becoming so focused on what is going on that I cannot go on and do what I can do.

Just curious.

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Has anyone found a source that reasonably tracks the money going out as "stimulus"? Is anyone familiar enough with the government to even know where to start looking? Are the government agencies who are supposed to be checking this able to do so and willing to share the data? Where is the money, how much has been spent, how much is outgoing, and how much is left?

Oh, and when can I haz my chechs? I'll create jobs with a mere $10,000,000,000. I will need, at least, 3 construction crews to build my house(s); 2 maids (French dressed, if not really French, it's a bathing thing); a kitchen crew to include chef, sous chef, and several line chefs along with servers; A butler and a driver/mechanic; and a small fleet of vehicles both air, land, and see and service contracts for those; along with whatever else it would take to 'reduce' my CO2 footprint to that of algorish ranges. Oh, and of course, I would need accounting and investment advisers to make sure none of that goes back to the government in taxes unless I could also get a tax exemption for the principle and earnings. And, never mind about medical. I will have an inhouse hospital, thank you.

Just a thought.

Thoughts on illness.

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One of the blogs I visit brought up an interesting notion regarding illness. There was some suggestion that a debate about whether or not a particular illness was more of a spectrum or whether the medical community had made a mistake by turning a diagnosis into a spectrum issue rather than keeping it as a set diagnosis. My mind wanders. I posted a comment, as I said, but it did not generate a single response. Perhaps that blog is more for professionals, so my comment might seem childish, uniformed, or not interesting. I understand that. But I would be curious about what others think.

My idea was that, probably, most diagnoses are spectrum based. The worst cases may not allow a very functional life, even with treatment if that is at all available. My situation, for example, leaves me quite crippled at times. Every treatment I have tried has failed, and I have tried sincerely and many regimens. On the other side of the spectrum are people who lead very normal lives, yet have little ticks that are seen as much as who they are more than as illness. I think this is more than reasonable to take as a given rather than debate as a possibility. Only when one crosses some threshold wherein the sufferer becomes unable to effectively live there life, most commonly, is a diagnosis given and treatment(s) considered.

My suggestion, which could be considered off topic(?), was that beyond accepting the spectrum theory, another theory could also come into play. A persons actions or environment could adjust their place on the spectrum drastically. The disease specifically being discussed was autism. Much of that, given the rest of the discussion and given thought seed, brought to mind 'geek genes' as I called them.

What I noted in engineering school was that those who did extremely well (not all but many), whether they started out that way or not, became more geekish. People scoring A's, and even B's sometimes, as a regular thing tended to become very focused, they seemed to become non-social (rather than anti-social), and they began having little personality ticks that become more noticeable over time. There were other things that brought autism to mind, when I saw it generally outlined at the blog. And, these traits tended to 'worsen' over time. I even saw a person or two who went over that line and needed to quit school for a bit, perhaps forever, I will never know.

I suppose what I am asking is, can we, by our habits, our forced actions, and other things, deepen our illnesses, perhaps even develop them out of thin air? Even seemingly healthy actions, such as working out, learning, and certain social activities (I tend to talk till the cows come home), can they become party to furthering an illness? My guess is that they can and do contribute or even produce illness.

As a side note, I think one of my problems in school, though perhaps not the only one, was my rejection of the changes necessary to make it in school, and the stresses that brought with it. That and my general rejection in the absolute belief that absolutely nothing should be believed in except what was being taught both on and off topic, allowing for an indoctrination into what I consider amorality and immorality, along with the stresses that brought. It was too much weight to have to lift, fighting to do well in tough classes while at least feeling the need to fight off an assault on all I believe and hold dear outside of academics. Talk about a beat down.

Just curious.

A better day.

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I have been trying to get everything back in order, by my days and nights are slipping out of form, days becoming nights and visa versa. My weakness has continued as well. I have decided to risk drinking sugary caffeine drinks to try and help with that. It sometimes works in shorter durations, especially if I have (and I have) been eschewing the use of those drugs. I have been doing what I can with apartments, but much of it is by mail and one email needs to be printed. My neighbor might again let me use his printer, but it is a matter of being awake when he is and finding him at home. His wife is home more often, but I sort of stand on the principle that a man should not visit another man's wife while he is not at home. It saves all of us even the risk of impropriety.

I will have to see if the sugar and caffeine help tomorrow. I really need to begin packing again. I have been nearly literally crippled for quite some time now. It is quite frustrating. I had wondered if fear of money was being a problem, but there is no such difficulty. I could probably come up with enough money for 4 or 5 moves of my size, if some of it would be debt. Though not having a sure place to move is a bit spooky, especially at this point. There are only, really, two places who are serious as I see it now. Being that I will be sending through the mail, that makes acceptance a tight thing.

I have been trying to update my blog, adding active and interested conservative and libertarian bloggers to my list. I see some bright new people who share my concerns, doubts about the government, and true outrage at the scuttling of the American dream and all that it is based upon. I know we have some differences about how we would fix things, but we have to stop the ongoing juggernaut first. That will take all of us. IF, we can stop it, and then turn it around, THEN we can debate how to go forward (backward). Right now, we must group and attack together. We will lose everything if we do not. We may lose everything anyway (though, how can free men really lose, I am talking about losing within laws, whether those laws are truly legal, moral, or ethical is another issue).

We really do need to begin grouping, and sorting. Finding a leadership we can all follow, who will truly lead us, and who we can trust to speak and act for us. Then we have to put our minor differences and back this man. I have some limits. I am not interested in backing a woman. Quotas and feminism needs to put down. I am not interested in a minority, whether racial or gay. And I will not support a marginal conservative, if I will overlook a few flaws simply because there are none without flaws. Those flaws cannot include major differences on traditional conservative planks, or even be weak in those areas. That is just me, but I think it is the right combination for a win. And, it cannot be just the presidential candidate, it needs to be senators and house members, at the federal, state, and local levels. It is looking like we may actually need a new party. I think the Republican party has strayed farther than to be salvageable. I may be wrong. For me to even reconsider, however, heads will have to roll. Starting with nearly the complete top tier of the party, and selectively working downward.

Just do it. Get er' done. Whatever makes it work.

While I decide.

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I have been visiting some excellent blogs recently. Some of the new ones have made the cut, some old blogs have gone away. I think I became not so welcome and so I have let some pass. It is never a happy thing, but sometimes blog relationships end. Perhaps they merely have their sites for Vox friends and family, perhaps my disbelief in Ron Paul was the deal. For my part, they are still friends. I wish them all health and happiness. Many of those added, it seems, are rather libertarian. And yet, they seem open to conservatives. And, we have many similar doubts, fears, and concerns.

I understand I am a bit far afield, politically and religiously. The world has become secularized, nearly completely, right into the Church at times. I know. And politics has become both secular and elitist. I understand. And, though I hold myself apart, I do not do so in such a manner that I will become a crazed troublemaker. I have simply turned my back on much of the ills of the world and the world itself. Though I am armed, I understand that my only real protection is God. I must sleep, so become vulnerable. I am only one. And I am ill, old, and tired. In God's hands I must rely, and do so happily anyway.

So, I will simply walk softly, avoiding what of evil that I may, being kind to all but those who are a literal threat. I wish I could go out and help conquer evil peaceably and that I had brothers and sisters I could depend upon for mutual assistance. But I feel quite alone, at least where I live now. And, I feel overwhelmed by the evil that is around me. It is everywhere, strong, defiant, proud, and quite loud. Perhaps there is a place where it is still considered a shame and held in check a bit by that. Who knows.

I am simply too tired, and perhaps ill, to do more. It is difficult, at times, to even eat. I am going to have to just decide to eat or I will have a difficult move. I am just holding my breath, here, hoping to find a quiet place. So tired, so weak, so old. I just pray I can find a quiet place to, if it is my time, die. Or to find a place to regain my strength to go on and find a way to do what chores my Father has in store for me.

Amen.

Thoughts about it all.

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I have not decided yet, but I am considering a break. I am seriously considering leaving everything behind when I move. Not just blogging, but family and friends. I have too much baggage with them. Wherever I go, if they visit or make friends in the area, I tend to end up losing out. Whether it is because of what they say or what they do, I tend to end up in disfavor. While left to my own devices, I tend to lead a respectable small life. Blogging, I think, might have a way of doing a similar thing.

As well, were I had been moving has changed. Though I will still be moving to the mountains, I have chosen another place altogether. Any contacts I now have I will probably surrender. It is difficult to know who is friend and who is foe in these times. Not that the situation is new, only that the risks are greater now. It may be time to simply retire and rest, leaving the world to the horrors about to unfold. There are few ideas, principles, or people I would willing die to keep. Even the Church has become a frighteningly secular space, in some areas.

Should I find myself in good company, perhaps I would fight for that company, push come to shove. Though honestly, I am not in any condition to do more than drive or cook or such. And, as I have said, fighting would only work as a stall in the hopes some group, such as the military or military and police came to their collective senses. A land war would be terrible between civilians and the military and police. It would be an outright slaughter. It would not be covered by the media, or if it was, it would be so slanted as to be totally negative.

Yes, I think I am going to find a nice quiet place to hide. I am not sure of it, but it seems like the right time. I will think and pray until my time comes to move. I feel completely surrounded by evil, and really willful evil. There is not even such a thing as retreat, it is everywhere I have looked. Drugs, socialism, decay, and death. I guess I do not mind dying, I just do not want to be tortured to death at the hands of the very government I once fought for. I am not sure.

Thinking...

Back...

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The visit was pretty good. I think all of us there, being older and retired now, had a bit of a grumpy edge. My mother likes to try and boss me around to impress her friends or for personal reasons, maybe both. That never works. A please, a thank you, and a good deal of thought in what I am being asked to do (is it reasonable for me to do a task with no tools, for example) and then allowing me to do the task without trying to manage the work. She is a bit of a feminist pig that way. Still, after a few adjustments and some very simple statements mixed with a few words from the other guest and putting my foot down, things shaped up.

Food was fantastic. Steaks one day then enchiladas (real ones, homemade and well made) with green chile and tortillas the next, life was good. My 'aunt' sent home some of the fine enchilada dried pepper mix and showed me how to make the sauce, the rest is pretty easy. As well, we all went and visited my aunt, one with breast cancer. She was a bit nervous about our visit, my mom had not told my aunt that my other 'aunt' and myself would be visiting. My mother only suggested she would be arriving. I just stayed quiet and let them talk, I think my aunt dislikes me for the most part. She is doing very well for the condition she is in, having taken care to find what she could tolerate eating and then even gaining a bit of weight on chemo (she worried about that as much as her hair loss, I think, as she has always been quite slight of stature). We were all so pleased to see her and to see her so upbeat and (as I said, for the condition she is in and what she is going through) healthy.

During the time at my mother's, we had some bad times (though rather muted with company, I think), we also had some good times. All of us took turns on the grumpy wagon, then passing it on. Some of it was due to discomfort and lack of rest being in a new environment, sleeping (or trying to sleep) on beds other than our own, and such. We might have had some great times, though too. I have not seen my 'aunt' in decades. She was a family friend from the time I was adopted. She even shared a duplex for a bit with my mother when they were both married to their first husbands. Her children were close to us as well, from that time on. Oddly, through discussions, I think I understand now and more fully what my problem is with my mother, or more the point the reverse. My mother and my aunt have very different political views, and that had at one time been part of the problem between them. My 'aunt' is conservative, for the most part, and has been a successful part of society. My mother has been addicted to social services and preferred to drink and do whatever she wanted.

Yes, politics, and the lack of good reasoning to back my mother's (and aunt's I believe) political views, added to passive aggression, on top of my mother's already unreasonable feminine dictatorship qualities, lead to great troubles between us. She had suggested she would like to visit for a month or so this winter, when I get moved in. All I can say is that such an occurrence will never happen. Her smoking, her want of heat, her attitude, all combined with the fact that the area I am moving to gets a lot of snow and she could well get snowed in for months would have me cutting off a leg before inviting her to stay that long or in the winter. A week, in the summer, if she agrees (and holds her bargain) to not smoke in my house. That is the best I can do.

I see that, politically, socially, legally, ethically, morally, and in who knows how many other ways the US is falling apart. The news was something they both watched while I visited, so I was forced to see it. I honestly do not think much of this can be fixed even if a decent conservative candidate can be found and presented and then win. Even with a conservative house, senate, and president, with enough power to make changes will not help. When elected, they seem to set on their hands and become more liberal every day they hold office. I have to wonder if there is some poison in the water in D.C. that kills good (conservative) brain cells and at progressive rate.

Nothing seems to be around the corner for a fix, except maybe the end of the world. God did say there would be days like these. In any case, try to enjoy your day, walk well in your personal walk, and remember those you love while not forgetting to prey for those who have lost their way and your enemies.

I am off!

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I will be traveling for a bit. Not like I am regularly read, at least from the reports I am getting. Still, It's nice to let anyone who might wander in know what they really are not interested in. Family ties and long lost family friends lure me away for good food and good company.

I had been planning to leave today but two women I happen to know needed this and that, one of them waking me far too early and the other keeping me awake after that. Going back to bed after that was all over did not work as I had hoped. Instead of making up for the lost sleep I ended up sleeping the day away, unable to find that last little bit of sleep I might otherwise have found. Then again, who knows, perhaps it was just one of those days.

I keep trying to find an apartment where I am going, but I am receiving no replies. I added my own apartment, condo, and even room (if it has private facilities). This is looking terribly tenuous. I will leave this place on or about the 1st, whether I have a place or not. If I have to camp, I suppose that is what I will do. I should start lining things up though, a call to reserve a hauling truck, the last bits packed, and a few utilities set to be handed over to the landlord or canceled.

I have three weeks and two days to get it all together. At least I will be neither cash nor credit shy. And, should I be able to find a reasonably priced place to stay, I would guess my financial situation will only improve. Cheap is good, though I will pay a little more for a little better, if any one will get back to me. This is insane, I have been looking for over a month now, with no luck at all. Do rentals go that fast? Oh well, I will just have to keep trying.

Well, back to straightening the cave before I head out. I hate leaving any trash indoors, dirty dishes, or dirty laundry when I leave, even for a few days. Have a good weekend and good luck in any ventures or adventures.

Logic and the internet.

Just the other day I came down hard on someone for their version of logic and their stance on a particular topic using their version of logic. To begin with, they suggested that because they have an opinion, and that they gave reasons for the opinion, that questioning either the logic or the opinion was illogical. I saw the trap and pretty much ignored it. The trap of claiming logic based on opinion and daring any to question it is like a 125 pound boxer entering the lions den and daring the lions to even come close. The results are messy. And, I can be a lion, tease me and find out. If I generally do not bother to debate the issue after has to do with an absolute lack of interest. And, I do not care about the battery either. You may find it near shredded pieces of the shoulder upon which it sat, or in my scat.

I see this so often. I usually do not take the bait, at other times it seems as if I have no choice but to take the bait though.

The topic regarded the 'fact' that, because the writer thought laws based upon morality were wrong, and wanted them overturned. He would not further the cause of immorality or amorality should his wish through voting and advocacy come to pass. The legalizing of currently controlled substances, prostitution, and some other vices, it seems, was seen as no reflection on his person whatsoever. And that, since he believed in these things being legal does not suggest that he believed in these things personally. That is what many of our politicians say about abortion, that they would never have such a thing but that they would not impose their personal beliefs upon the general public. It works with one as it works with the other. For most of us who are against abortion, drug use, gambling, prostitution, and such that works not at all. I would go so far as to suggest even pro-abortionists see this as a public lie, if they do not care because it comes down on their side.

Circling the wagons and redefining logic does not make that supposed truth right or true. If you are pro-libertine in the guise of libertarian, expect no one to believe the smoke and mirrors or the logic. It simply fails. This seems to be how the left tries to define the debate so that no one can debate their stances. Put up artificial fences and define the area of debate around your presuppositions, regardless of how honestly placed the area is upon true logic and reality, then dare anyone to argue (and screech like a banshee if anyone disagrees or goes over into the land of reality based on the debate material). That is why elites are so often so very wrong.

It is not worth debating with people who define logic as their opinion. It is sad to live in a nation which seems to have decided that logic is not necessary for opinion or that they can define logic poorly without being questioned. It is odd to see how many think the legalization of drugs is a logic or a right, rather than merely an opinion (held by few). Whatever. He did accuse me of failing at reading comprehension (and being an idiot I think), so I had thought to go back and re-read, but I don't think I will gain anything from that and haven't been up to it any way. Oh, and the other thing is, he suggested that true conservatives were on his side. What? Talk about redefining. And, again, no.

It used to be funny.

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I remember watching cartoons and slapstick comedy. Bugs Bunny was my favorite. I initially like Road Runner, but over time I came to despise it, as I did with Tom and Jerry. Both of those, as I learned, were bastardizations of natural order. True, not every coyote gets every roadrunner, and not every cat catches every mouse, but they catch enough of their perspective targets to continue. There were still many shows I really enjoyed. Oddly, in spite of my rejection of those two and perhaps a few others, I enjoyed funny shows and movies because they were exceptional in their leaving the bounds of reality.

Though I still like some of that, what bothers me is what used to be gag material is now closer to how things really are. A bony bucktoothed ugly slapstick like character of a minority race who probably was not born in the nation who is also probably muslim is running the nation. Black panthers are allowed to intimidate racially, Israel is being told to let down their defenses and being told not to think about retaliation in the face of genocide, while he pushes for a socialization of American business and banking, in the one nation who stood against communism which threatened to take over the world and against the socialism that has eaten the rest of the world. We have a "leader" who is trying to get the most (and only) progressive nation to fall back to the default world order of socialism, tribalism, and other backward ways.

If it stopped there, that would be enough to be too much. But it does not. Men (and women too?) are so plugged into internet porn they clog the system. They are so into feeling sexy, looking good, and having money that they are willing to kill over a million babies a year to keep the good times going. It surprises me to see the look of horror on people's faces when they hear that the Inca's sacrificed children, even babies. And to know that they have no idea that they do this on a scale the Incas could never have sustained. To know that killing a dog might get you more time than killing a human. To realize that calling the police if you see something suspicious in certain areas might get the caller in more trouble than it is worth, even if they are right, maybe more so.

Yeah, our president is worried about the effects of the rightful killing of an abortionist, but he cannot be bothered to comment on the outright religiously and racist murder of one soldier and the wounding of another, IN OUR BORDERS. Is he going to pardon this one too? This just is not funny. This is obscenely grotesque. I go through periods where I wonder if I died one of those times, instead of coming back as I had thought and been lead to believe, but ended really dying and am in purgatory. On days like these, I wonder if I missed even that mark. After all, the last death would have been a suicide. No, this is hell on earth, or seems like it.

Go out, in any city, and look at what evil is. Get too close and you will not just become a fixture of it, you will be a victim of it. Put a camera in the average high school hallway if you want to see underage sex. And expect that if you send your children to public school that they will be brutalized, molested, treated poorly, or all of those, more so if they are white, religious, ethical, bright, and again more so if all of those apply. What it is it I hear in commercials... Ah, right, "Don't be so vanilla!". You do know what they mean, don't you? And they mean it in every way that can be meant.

Well, the laugh is on us, and it really is not funny. I have backed out of politics, being that Republicans are just Democrats who claim to disagree but whom you cannot differentiate in any real way, and Democrats are just socialists and communists. All of them have tried to shove God under the bus and are fighting over how quickly they can avoid being vanilla. I remember one scene from Apocalypse Now (based on Heart of Darkness, bastardized by Hollywood, of course), where the Colonel (whatever rank) suggests the hero call in an air strike on the camp and provides the coordinates, knowing it needs to end. Yeah, well, perhaps that IS what is needed. I may be insane, but I am far better off in that regard to most of the inmates.

I could not sleep but when the time was ripe, I did not dawdle.

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What a day, or two. Though I am still going through micro-fevers and a general nausea, with headaches popping up from time to time, I did not let it throw me. I could not sleep last night and I had things to do today, one thing I almost forgot. So, I pushed. And, I was able to push and get through the tasks, remembered or not, and do a few more projects. I will not bore you with the details, just that, for once in this last dry gritty hard thirty days, I did good. I might even say I did excellent. I might even give myself a B, maybe a B+ if I finish one last task. It is a hot day. I had to move a half a dozen heavy big boxes. I had to drive 80 miles. I had to a lot of things and I did them with determination and strength. I could have quit at several points, which I truly felt like doing. But when my body and mind, will and spirit, are in order, I can overcome exhaustion, simple physical ailments, and physical discomfort. Today was that day.

I have been a little strong in my blogging. When I get heated up, tired, and push beyond, I might tend to get a bit snappy. And I am awake enough so that if I make a mistake, I do not just tickle the thing I put the steer down and get entrails everywhere. No one likes a job half done even if they do not like the job. Or is that just me? Do the task, then figure it out. Go whole hog, hoof to tail to ear. If you have done wrong, grab the broom, then the mop, and perhaps a few two by fours and some drywall. Yeah, I think that is the way it is. As I cool down and come off rampage mode, I will figure it all out.

I am going to try and stay up until 23:00 at least. Maybe this will cycle my cylinder back to a fine feel. I have to get to the rest if I have to bulldoze through it. Maybe going outside, walking some paths, and getting hot, sweaty, frustrated, and energized might work. There are paths close to home and the little school girls are out of school so I will not have to deal with them freaking out, so I will not have time to cool down driving back home. To be honest, I am a halfgiant and I move hard and fast. I suppose if I were a tiny petal of a thing who thought herself equal to men and found herself being caught up to while she jogs and this ogre is merely strolling, I might be a little freaky too. But darn it, I mean to move and I hate having to wait on dainty joggers. Yes, well, there should be fewer or no fainting flowers on the paths for now. Or they will just have to get used to reality. Only I really know they could not be safer with me there than with me not there.

Yeah, that might get me squared to rip through the cave like a whirlwind. If nothing else, it would get me out of the cave and perhaps allow for something to begin undoing the ties that bind. I hate the fevers and the nausea, at least I can medicate the headaches and to some degree the confusion. Now that I have taken the computer back, I might have to look into a righteous pair of hiking boots, real ones, and go try on a couple of dozen pair. A treat for my feet and for my fetes.

Anyway, I will bug out and chill, literally, for a bit. It is interesting, how when pushed by myself or my environment, I can bring the beast to just right there under the skin. Still, that is like having a loaded gun which might really go off on it’s own if it feels I or others are threatened. I have worked with that, with a decent therapist, but it does not change that little bit of trepidation. That beast inside is animal, it really cannot be fully understood. I have learned to negotiate with it, but I have this feeling my negations are no better than the lion tamer’s negotiation with the lion… it is always up for renegotiation on the lion’s part. It happens, and sometimes ‘it’ starts with ‘sh’. Oh well. Hehehe, I cannot say it is not a ride, when I can remember.

I mentioned malaria...

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But only as an example. I thought I would look it up. Add in confusion, which is something that goes with these symptoms, and this could easily fit the bill. I go through various symptoms just like these, and often, every few weeks to months anyway. They are all common household appliances for my body. I would think that something would have shown up in testing, though since these are residuals, perhaps the clues are not as easy to see. When I go in, I am going to have to have a heart to heart with the doctor. This time I will be seeing a real doctor, or so I was lead to believe in their last communication. I cannot say this is all that is wrong with me, but it might be a hefty part of it. If it is not this, it has to be something like it. Wish me luck, the chance of them not bungling this is small.

Common symptoms of malaria

In the early stages, malaria symptoms are sometimes similar to those of many other infections caused by bacteria, viruses, or parasites. Symptoms may include:

• Fever.
• Chills.
• Headache.
• Sweats.
• Fatigue.
• Nausea and vomiting.

Symptoms may appear in cycles and may come and go at different intensities and for different lengths of time. However, especially at the beginning of the illness, the symptoms may not follow this typical pattern.

Which console game system is the best?

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Though I have much I need to do, while I am able to do little, and further though I feel like death is nearing, I would like to consider what I can do. I suppose this is not the best question at the right time, for many, for me it is life.

Though I have been able to, for the most part, keep to a day schedule, I am neither able to stay awake very long nor do very much. I am physically crumbling. Fevers wash over me often, nausea and headaches haunt me even if a heavy dosing or two of Tylenol along with a nap from time to time eventually covers some of those things, and a general physical weakness further siphons my abilities if this part is untreatable. The weakness is strong enough that my muscles tremble. I can still lift heavy objects, but doing so without care could lead to drops. There is little I actually can do. Gaming has, in the past, been a means of bringing me back into function, with of course the risk of addiction. Gaming is something I can do for short periods of time while requiring interaction, both physical and mental. So, the question remains, which system or systems would be best.

Perhaps I should indicate my preferences in gaming. I prefer fps games (first person shooters), other action games, and rpg games (role playing). I definitely do not like mass war games such as Civilization or Command and Conquer type games. I also do not like repetitive button mashing games where there are ten thousand moves (yes, that is probably an exaggeration) which have zero real game story or are one dimensional (go here and only here, then there, then do that). I enjoy games as light as the Myst series, though generally I prefer more active games. Computer gaming is all but dead, and the OSs which used to support gaming are drying up or dead altogether. And more, top computer game systems seem to be a joke at this point. They are sub par systems which are only used to advance graphics while merely hoping for decent games ported from one of the console systems, often a huge gamble that does not pay. Computers are merely business tools now. Do they even write single player games for computers anymore?

I would also want a system which does not need to be tied to an internet or other external connection. For the most part, online games are not my thing. Most require payment, often they require being in a guild to do anything really big while needing to waste tons of time just to get a major raid going only to last a few minutes to an hour, or the reverse requiring 3 or more hours to complete and on top of the 1 to 3 hour staging time. Whether on the computer or on a console, it seems rather lame. Picky? I suppose so. Doom, Duke Nukem, and the like, where my favorite games. They are pretty much over as a genre. The last Doom was a nothing and some of the others have been ruined so as to include minorities rather than to just play a game, being cut and segmented so some black can give an order or some woman can say something stupid. Bah!

The two systems that look the best, from what I have seen, are PS3 and Wii. PS3, depending on what titles it focuses on, would be great if they have the fps and other action games. Though it might require internet (or some other?) connection to function. Wii seems to support some of the wayback games and a few interesting twists in new areas using it’s movement activated controller. I suppose it depends as much upon what the game platform offers in the way of game titles and function. If anyone has any experience on the matter, it would be great to hear back. I know little about what games are available, or the quality of those games. And, I am completely unsure of what is required to run those systems or how they compare to other game rigs. As I said, what I am writing is merely what I have read. And it seems I can find few answers to my specific questions.

My health has deteriorated enough that I may actually have to call it in. If nothing else, it would be good to know if I am actually dying or if it just feels like it. I will not go back on meds, though if some short term regimen might be enough, I would consider it. I do not mind dying, I am half looking forward to it. But there is no reason for misery if that can be alleviated while I am dying. And if I am just ill, there is no reason to not care for that either. I will not tinker with them, or linger there. But if they see something right out of the box with a blood test or three or through symptom diagnosis, I suppose I could see what they can do. I just will not be a guinea pig for them again. Let all the games begin!

Is law enforcement on our side?

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A recent blog either asked that question or lead me to ask that question. And, in short term, I went in a logic circle trying to find where I really stood on the issue. I did not find a way out of that until recently. The answer, though it may seem circular still, is yes and no.

The latter answer, no, is a simple thing. Law enforcement is really created to enforce laws. They cannot possibly enforce all laws all of the time. Nor can they enforce laws blindly. As such, the average citizen will perpetually be at odds with law enforcement. We are the ones they are looking at. And, as a nation, we would rather do what we want rather than follow laws. And anyone who breaks a law would rather not face penalties for it. If there were enough officers to enforce every law, we would either have a huge civil uprising or be crushed under militaristic police forces. So, this leads to selective enforcement. Part of that selectivity is based on, hopefully, past behavior, demographics (yes, I believe in some weight given to profiling), and an officers instincts. Prosecutors and judges sort out the right and wrong, officers really are a thin blue line, undermanned and often outgunned (as it really is supposed to be as a means of balancing of powers).

On the other hand, the police and other law agencies really do exist for our sum total benefit. If you do not believe that, try living in a nation where law is weak, corrupt, and overpowering. Most Americans could look to Mexico for an example, but most of European law enforcement would make most Americans feel just as weak if they have reason to experience it, if in a slightly different way. Run from the police in Germany (at your very real peril), talk back to a cop in England or France, or cause trouble in Italy. You will find you have no real rights, not as Americans know them. As for protective service, law officers fail. Their job is mostly investigating crimes after the fact. And courts have agreed that, even with court orders, the police have no responsibility for the safety of citizens. That, in my opinion, is a good thing. I would rather protect mine and myself, thank you.

Beyond that, law officers generally do a good job, most are straight enough for government purposes, and do what is expected of them well. There are exceptions, as with all things. But for the most part, they really are world class. In my opinion, they balance force with patience well. They practice their trade in a manner such that, should that have been my calling, I would be proud to be in their numbers. And, all given, I will obey and work with them in almost any condition barring unwarranted lethal force being used on me, or something crazy like that, without me being a threat. I have had encounters with the police, not always happily (though too, never seriously), and I have never had a problem. I am large, but that is more of a risk than not. A big guy makes normal and small guys nervous when they are supposed to be in a position of power, so I would expect cops to overact negatively for that reason. Yet, as I have said, I have always been polite and have never had a problem.

Look, if a cop stops you, gives you a hassle, and you are clean. Obey him. If that means handcuffs and a ride, take it. Then talk to his chief and take care of it that way. If you are a doper and do not think dope should be illegal, then move to Mexico (or California). If you are a slime ball and like committing crimes, if you have a record, or if you have an attitude, expect trouble. Why? Because you are looking for it. If you think cops treat you bad, look at why that is happening. Most likely, you are the problem. That does not mean I believe in a police state, it means I believe in law and order. Beyond, if we reduce police forces to the point where they do not function, expect me and others like me to fill in for them. And, to be absolutely honest, if you are a dirt bag, you best hope that does not happen. I will not sit their and hold your hand while you smear and demean me, courtesy, order, or such. You best hope law officers, professional ones, are on the job. Because I will mash you, more if you refuse to take your medicine.

The first thing I plan on doing when I move is contacting the local sheriff and perhaps talking with the local police outreach officer. Well, I need to talk to the sheriff in order to get my cc converted. But I would also like to talk to him as a neighbor, ask some questions, and leave open that if he needs help that I will be available. I suspect all I will ever be needed for would be search and rescue tasks and such but one never knows. And, I would think, if nothing else, any sheriff would feel more comfortable knowing that there are people out there who are interested and willing to put a little skin in the game for their community.

Part of what confused me, regarding law officers, was that the relationship is and always will be somewhat antagonistic. The other part of the confusion is my rage at prosecutor’s and judge’s failures. I see them let officers take all the heat, do all the work, and just as often through activism, reverse discrimination, and other evils, spit in the faces of officers (and us). And, really, I do have rage about that. Add to the media’s work in this type of evil as well, I have grave doubts about law and order, generally, in the US. Until we restore sanity to the other areas of our legal system, that will not change. I have very little faith in “my” court system and media. But cops, yeah, so long as we can keep the Dums from corrupting them.

One last thing. Police are on our side, if to a much lesser degree and imperfectly, like God is. If we are doing what we are supposed to be doing we really have no problem. Do crime, or sin, and plan on paying the price... here or there, maybe both.

Getting a few things done.

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A couple of loads of laundry, half of the dishes have been cleaned and others are soaking, and some shopping has been done. More will happen before I sleep, but I am happy with today. It has been slow, slower than I had hoped, but there have been interruptions and that is how work usually goes. I suspect I can get a lot done before the week is out. And, I suspect, Sunday will a more than welcome day off.

I cannot help but notice that Californians did the right thing. Why they voted down all but the final choice is fodder for another time. Whether they voted against more taxation, money games, and all but a demotion for their state workers for selfish reasons or because they really understand the problem with tax and spend policies will only be known in their next election cycles. I can hope, whatever the reason, they remember why they voted this way this time and remember who has forced them to make a hard short term choice in the hopes of getting debt and red spending behind them. Honestly, though, I am not holding my breath.

I am watching the ’prez’ spending his credibility in all the wrong ways, for him. Having burned his base by not ending the war in 90 days, by not shutting down Gitmo, or doing most of his other promises, and watching how his own party is not working with him on some of his prime real wants, further watching him strip his admin of respect, power, and wind on very foolish things is beautiful. His warnings to Israel are infuriating not just Israelis, but many Americans, more so with his lack of serious engagement with the real enemies. His lack of serious international relations and his absolute failures there are making him look silly, even to his own. Even European leaders are openly laughing at the boy in chief. So, when the prediction that he will bail out California is bandied about, I almost hope he does it. One more stupid play, millions more dissatisfied voters, and another spending boondoggle which will ultimately lead to the failure of American socialism.

I do not think he understands that there is only so much power in the office. And, that once that is spent, his ability to push anything becomes impossible. His quota education was definitely lost on him. His grandparents wealth has not helped him. And his parents’ radicalism is as futile for him as it was for them. He will go down as the worst president ever, even if he and his somehow transform this from a representative democracy to a thug-ocracy. He is weak and stupid and will be meaningless in any such a regime, let alone history. I now understand why Egyptians occasionally tried to erase the names and history of some of their pharaohs. Some of them actually thought they were gods.

Something else. I keep seeing how minorities are beset by the man (namely white men). What is so ridiculous about this is, “white” people, and “white men” in particular, are a vast minority in the world wide sense. In our nation, if we cannot (even assuming no minorities are male) represent half of the population. Simply put, there are fewer men then there are women. Next, add in minority males, and our numbers shoot down to anywhere from 49% as a maximum to perhaps 30%. So, if egalitarian theory is actually to be held as true, then we cannot be prejudiced by our numbers. It is women of all sorts, but more so if they are african, asian, or Indian, who are the oppressors. Down with women! Viva la (white) Dudes… Or, something like that. Oh, do note however, that I believe in egalitarianism as much as I believe in feminism, socialism, communism, and jack-a-lope.

Sharing life and the storm on the horizon.

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Yesterday was fruitful, if not what I had been planning. I had been suggesting to my lady friend that the time of year was ripe for a picnic, and for the last few weeks. The sun has been out a good deal, the weather has been pleasant, if sporadically stormy. And, I thought I was hungry for grilled meat. The added upside to grilled food is not needing to cook and, further, not heating the cave or require more air conditioning use. So, yesterday, the confluence of events which would allow such lead to her placing a call to me and asking if I would be interested in a picnic.

Into the heat, sun, and wind we went. We have a favored park, with somewhat private areas for cooking and eating set aside for groups. She and I have our preferred places, among those sites, and this time she got her pick. I must admit, usually we go to one of my favorites so this seemed reasonable. She likes seclusion and having no view. I like open areas, where you can also see the lake. Just seeing water tends to cool and refresh me. Differences aside, we both like to get out and do something different, involving food, fresh air, and company of sorts.

She bought the salads, I bought the meats and briquettes, and away we went. I talk rather little these days, where I used to speak a great deal. I suppose I have been changing my ways and life and have started becoming more private. Perhaps this will change once I become a part of a community in which I share the more basic understandings, perhaps this is just a part of aging, only time will tell. In any case, we almost might as well have been there alone, for the most part. After finishing the cooking, she wished to stay and enjoy her book, which she had been reading throughout. It is not my idea of a picnic, but at least I got out of the cave, had some sort of company, and cooked for the week. However, six or more hours in the sun wore me out, so I did not blog. At least I stayed up until bedtime and woke, today, early and ready.

She keeps asking, in round about manners when she does speak, about my thoughts on her moving out with me. And, to be honest, that would be fine. Of course, things there will not be as they have been here. I am not sure she will appreciate the changes. I do not want her coming if she is going to be a mess. She will have to lead her own life, she will be under my rules, and she will have to tend her own wants and needs. I do not mind sharing a meal, but that no longer includes doing extra cooking to incorporate her tastes. If she wants organic food, or vegetables in general, for example, first she will have to figure out how to get or afford that herself. Second, if she wants that cooked, to her tastes or not, she will have to do that herself, staying out of my way while I cook my meats. And, she should keep her pocketful of socialism to herself. It is no longer welcome. So, share space and life, sure. Subjugation has already been cast aside, she is on her own with or without me. Oh, and I will be looking for a wife. Yes, complicated, more so with a house guest. But I have always faced tricky odds.

About the storm. That is political in nature. The grass roots is facing off with the “leadership” of the party and the federal government. Along with the grass roots, for the most part, I think we can add small businesses, and a few other groups and concerns. Our groups are fraught with moles and sellouts, traitors and turncoats, and the weak. We really have to start clearing the tent of the noxious, starting with Steele would be good, then swinging the axe in very precise ways so as to clear the forest of deadwood. Those who are in the business of politics for business need to be sent away. The Republican party, or whatever will take it’s place, needs to be principle based.

Once a party is reformed or formed, then we need to get down to the brass tacks of finding legitimate principled candidates and putting them into play. I know they are out there. I also know they have a great fear of being eaten alive by the press. We need to have a means of countering the MSM. FOX was an interesting first shot. As I see it, if they have failed and really always were a part of the MSM to some greater extent, they did buy time and throw the MSM a curve ball, if only for business purposes. The internet is not quite broad enough of a medium for the purposes needed, so I think we will have to supplant parts of the MSM. But to get principled politicians, we will have to find a way of protecting them from that onslaught.

Will this be fast enough, or is it even possible though? Our nation is coming unglued. We have a president who just as likely as not is not a US born citizen. We have a Supreme Court which refused requests to prove his citizenship, and which will becoming more liberal quickly. We have law schools which do not base their teaching on the constitution. We have a medical system which is beginning to apply "ethics" rather than need to decide who it will serve, modern ethics which at least go against their oath. We have abortion on demand, rampant illegal immigration, no coherent international policies except that what other states do is fine (except Israel), taxation and spending is out of control and getting worse, and the suppression of state and personal rights has become the norm. In short, we are frogs who have been being boiled and we are just now feeling it. Can we even jump? I think we can. The NAZIs, Japanese, muslims, and communists around the world have underestimated us time and again. But more, this is a fight on our own soil and for that soil.

The federal government seems like a juggernaut. The branches have oversight or control over much of industry, personal choice, and claims to have jurisdiction over life through the patent claim to allow one person to kill another at their whim through abortion, which leaves the door open to a claim to all life and therefore death. It would seem, at this point, we are owned by the state. The state claims, by having these powers, it will offer us what we need and some of what we want. As any student of history knows socialism does not work. Further, when it fails as it always does, it tries more drastic measures or merely falls into corruption and uselessness in terms of what governments are supposed to do. Killing people who stand in the way of "progress" is not something a state would shy from. And it is getting to that point. Look to California if you want to know where the nation is heading. What happens when the whole nation is bankrupt? Why, kill the rich for their money. And when they are gone and there is no money? Why, the politicians will steal whatever they can (more than they are now) and kill anyone who might notice and cause fear in the populace so that it will stand there and be sheered of all it’s worth and even it’s life with nary but a few bleats.

How much power the states and people who care can carve away from the federal government using “legitimate” means is a great question. With courts and laws already either leftist or hindered by obvious misinterpretations, those methods are in doubt. What about ignoring law and simply living as you should, simply ignoring illegal laws? That sounds good, but it is quite weak. Many will end up in prison, essentially doing time for political crimes. Without solid connections, an individual is simply an easy mark, a soft target, and no match for what we are facing. And, the political parties on both sides have been compromised, so their would be no assistance there.

I am not sure what is going to happen. People will have to make snap decisions. Some will end up being fatal, even if they are correct. The thing will be over either very quickly or only after years of war, depending on which elements of the military and police come down on which side. It can safely be assumed that the leadership of those groups is in the pocket of the federal government. What is less sure is whether the middle and lower ranks will “simply follow orders” or will become active, even proactive, on behalf of the constitution, bill of rights, and citizens. As far as an armed uprising, that is nearly silly. A group, a dozen groups, even hundreds of groups, would be so much fodder. And, we could not depend on the press to cover, or cover honestly, anything. There are some things which could be done, but the doer would, even if doing the right thing, end up with no allies.

I wish this was not my fight. I wish I could merely make some popcorn, turn on a couple of camcorders for later reviews, and then just watch. But this is my nation, my constitution, my people, and it is my government which is failing. I am part of the problem, in helping elect more and more “centrist” “Republicans”, I have allowed my party to become trash. And, I have allowed the Democratic party to pull politics to the left. My nickel used to pay for MSM leftism. But more, I want not only to right my wrongs but to be a party to the solution. I just cannot quite see how that is going to work. But I know that if it does not work, if we do not change, if we do not limit the federal and state powers, we are in for a future of slavery on such a scale that no one has ever imagined. From who you marry, where you work, what you do for employment, whether you are 'allowed' to be employed, to the name and number of children you have being mandated. Imagine the chagrin to feminists when they are required to have children according to state need. And once that is done, there will be no easy way back. What is before me seems daunting, but compared to that, this is easy.

Just do it.

A good day.

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I have more function, if I am still not quite tip top. I was able to help two people today and get several chores done. I am chomping at the bit to dig in. I really am about ready to start tearing things down, boxing things up, and getting back in the game. I really enjoy getting things done. And, one of the things I did today relieved some stress. I kept getting emails from my bank that one of my accounts was becoming empty. But the last few weeks, I have been unable to deal with that or do much, so I could not check on it. After a long talk with a lady at the bank, I was assured I had not even had a financial problem, my account had not dropped too low, and I have a backup anyway, which draws money from my savings to cover my checking if that does happen.

Still, that leaves figuring out why my credit rating took a hit, for what it says was a zeroing of my checking account. It was too late in the day, when I finished my other tasks and helping out a couple of ladies in distress. (woot!) I will get on that, though, tomorrow. As well, I need to straighten the kitchen a bit, do some laundry, and begin packing. I not only think I can do it, I know I can. This is a blessing. Even if I did not need to pack, it is good to be functional. If I had no tasks, I would use this to go hiking, clean the place up a bit, perhaps even work in a garden if I had the space. There is nothing like being physical, in the world, whether it be work, play, or a mix. Oh, and love. Yes, that is physical, though that does not really ever seem to be a problem, for my part. Doh! Becoming morally focused is sometimes something I have to, if in passing, wonder about. Five years, almost six, of celibacy is nothing to sneeze at, more so for a BIG fan of women and sensuality in sexuality. They are such beautiful creatures.

Ah, one last thing. I am going to pack the computer I just bought and send it back. I will be out of a computer until I can find one that is worth the money or fix the one I have. I have considered building one on my own. I built my first two computers, and then my fourth computer. Many things have changed, since then, but not really as much as many would think. The basics are all the same, they just have different capacities and capabilities, they do not even have different power needs. However, before I do that I need to check into OS’s. I think Vista is a major part of the problem. Since I want the machine for gaming though, I am not sure where to go here. Bother the thing. I may end up just making a small cheap unit for email, blogging, and such, and buy a console game. Computer games just seem to be ports from those, these days, and just as often as not, poorly done ports. And, if nothing else, I have changed all of my (I think) usernames and passwords to secure my various accounts. Still, it is a bummer.

Well, that is my day. I hope you all have something going on, friends to speak with, things to write, and the energy and will to act. Good night.

Work may begin again.

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Yes, a little rest and constant consideration may have worked toward getting me back on track. Fighting the thing would have only left me more exhausted, frustrated, and probably prolonged my fall. Or, put another way, patience and thought has beaten out brute force and focused mind over matter. Another good day, waking early enough to get going today and for the last few days, I think I am ready to begin working again. Not much has been done, so I am left with everything I needed to do before, but I am good with that.

Well, I have two people asking me to help all at once, right now. It is a good start, I get to figure out who I can help and how, then figure out what to do after that, but it does force me to prepare for the day and a little before I had quite gotten to it. Yes, I suppose helping others, at least this time if not always as I generally suggest, will really be helping myself. Gotta go!

Have a good day.

Pravda, it appears, says it all.

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I saw this at Vox’s blog. Then, I went to the source, or as close as I could. I will simply describe what the article is about. The article, written by a Russian, printed in Pravda, describes America falling to marxism. It is a warning, although I think the notion is that the deed is done. Read at your leisure.

Another day up early, and some more about politics.

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Another day asleep before 0:00 and awake early. It might have been a bit too early, waking at 4:30, but I could not get back to sleep. I do not care what doctors “advise”, if you cannot go back to sleep that is just the way it is. I used to punish myself for failing to do what was recommended until I realized recommendations are more like wishes than having anything to do with reality. They might as well have been advising me to institute world peace or an end to cancer. I went the other way for a while, disregarding what they said for the sake of disregarding medical recommendations directly. However, that did little good either. I suppose we all have to pout in our own ways though too. Finally, I came to the conclusion that trying to coax what I wanted and could get out of my corpse was as good as it would get, but if that failed, perhaps just taking a break for a while would also be good. And, in general, that works.

I live as heartily as I may but it is not a transgression, now, when I do not. However, I have a major project that I need to figure out how to do. I feel like an ant tasked with moving a hill. The fact is, the work is halfway done. I have a few details to clear up, and then I can try to do the last half, like, where to move and when, and how to get my stuff there, and the various costs. If it is not a transgression, at this point, to be lame, it is inconvenient. If I can keep this current trend going, though, it should all work out.

Back to politics. Though I have not seen anyone stepping forward who I would trust to take the helm back from the Republican Democrats, I do see movement. I am not sure if the energy on the ground can translate into anything serious, but there is potential. The push, however, seems rather disparate. The groups do not seem to be verging, but more holding out for the other elements to meld rather than figuring out how to build then cross bridges independently. And, of course, there are some bridges I do not want crossed in the name of reconciliation myself. The tent has grown ruinously large and if that is not ended, I am out for good, from a dead big tent party.

Is the problem a practicality resulting from so much of the population living in such “liberal” and corrupt urban areas that there is no chance for a conservative party to actually exist? I suppose that is possible. I do not believe that, but I do concede it may be the reason for the treason of party leadership. Has the government, as an entity, been so tilted to the left and activated so strongly that there is no way back? That too is possible, and though unlikely it is probably more likely than the first scenario. As well, have conservatives, after a decade and more of betrayal, given up on the political system, being at risk to not being represented at all? For me, that is pretty much the case. I cannot say whether I am more singular or more common in that though. I just cannot find the tools which would help me determine how widespread that is. I do know there are more problems that have no solutions then there is hope for the GOP at this point. Whether it did it to itself, was forced to betray by the nature of reality, or has been tricked into folly, I suppose I will never know.

Hmm, tacos for lunch I believe. Warmed tortillas, either black and pinto or kidney beans, fried beef, cheese, and sour cream if I have any on hand. Hmm, thyme, maybe tarragon, cumin, hot cayenne, and maybe some ginger, and some fresh ground pepper after it has cooked, simmered, and then set a bit. Yeah, that ought to be tasty! And I am quite hungry. Plus, if I make enough I should have a little bit to nibble on for two or three days. Doh! Now I am so hungry I cannot stand it!

Politics.

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I see a good number of bloggers hitting this topic from their favorite angle, spiced with their particular prejudices, and all with the certainty of masters. I hear everything from the notion that the Republican party is at an end to the belief that the Republican party is on it’s way back into power. I see here where the thief in chief is killing off both his own supporters as well as general support. And, the rats seem to be jumping ship, though many of them are staying on board the Republican party to make sure to guide it to a place where, should it sink, it will be lost for good, while doing everything in their power to indeed sink it. All that is offered come as quips or with regards to special cases or current events. Some of it has proof, if it is often weak, much of it is like a slab of meat that has been sitting out too long or at least since who knows when, with nothing to certify it. Some of it is a rehash of thoughts I have been hearing for decades, some very small amount of it is somewhat newish.

And, I see this group, that politician, and everybody and their uncle just saying, sign up here, donate there, give me this, and I promise… Yeah, like the anti-abortion groups and many others have been doing for decades, taking in money and giving NOTHING back. They go to Washington, perhaps, and open up a headquarters, and then… then they begin to enjoy being in Washington. The more money, the easier the life. Why fight, sincerely, when that would mean the fat cash train would stop. They “learn” it is all a game, and they like their part in it. Keep the pleas for money going, stop the action… and that wonderful caviar at the U.N. parties, wonderful!

This makes me very cynical of any politician. First, I know that even if they came to power, they would not do (or much) of what they say they would. Yes, that is to be expected to some extent. To a degree, what a politician says he would do should be stated as what he would like to do. Beyond that, what he says he would want to do is just as likely to be a lie as not. So the new “leaders” I see proclaiming themselves as the future of “our” nation only make me turn away in disgust.

It is not that I wish to see Democrats continue their poisoning of our nation, it is just that I am not willing to back just such policies with my vote. Both President Bushs have proven my point, and not one more vote will that type get. My party has abandoned me. It has left it’s principles. And for the most part, conservatives have lost interest and trust. The leadership of what was our party is Democrat, regardless of what they say. The conservative planks are artificial decorations. The party, for all intents and purposes, is dead. If it does not reform itself or something solid, conservative, and believable does not appear to replace it, and soon, America really is irreparably lost.

And, no, I am not interested in your boot licking emails (you politicians who I do not know and who I did not invite to email me). I do not care what you think. Like the “conservative” writers for big news, big mags, and even most blogs, do not call me. Get it together, begin leading, make a stir, and be real. Do that well enough you make it to national prominence, I will find you. Well, yeah, so you do not have a good chance. Most likely, you never deserved one.

Yeah, well, it is looking better.

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I had a visitor yesterday. She, as usual, visited to do her laundry. She did not bring a movie or anything. She grumbled, laid around while the laundry was going, and complained about being tired. Yeah, okay, I know this. But when she works full time, then works part time for organic food, plus does other things she wants to do, sympathy becomes fleeting. It was a good day though, and we were hungry. We went out to lunch and it was great, again. We went back to the place I had hoped to visit again before I move. Last time I not only ordered brunch, I ordered a hummus sandwich to go. It was so good, I did it again. And, I got her a sandwich for supper later as well. They really put out some good food. I often doubt and cringe when organic places put out beef, elk, buffalo, or whatnot. I swear most places as such go out of their way to make meat taste horrid. This place, at leas this time, made a perfect beef meal. Oh, and the portions were very good, no little 2 ounce tasting of something you might or might not like. And, yes, it is cuisine, not pre-prepared or lame normal fare.

I was up early yesterday, if only because of the arrival of my lady friend. With her company, lame as it mostly was, I was able to stay up past my mid-afternoon exhaustion. Once I got past that, and with some food at lunch and supper from the take home sandwich, I was able to stay up until 22:30 or 23:00. And then, this morning, I woke at 7:05 or so. Though I had to work to go back to sleep at 3:30 and 6:00, I think it will work out, perhaps. My landlord is arriving at 13:30, with a professional insecticide guy. The neighbors do not like spiders, or that is what I am hearing. I am glad I am moving. Though there are spiders, they are not a problem. I have enjoyed watching them, and for the most part, they stay outside.

I have started to get my computer squared away. They had me reset the machine back to factory specs, and I will see if there are any more issues with crashes. If my memory is correct though, the crashes started as soon as I booted the machine. If not, then after I installed Firefox. I will see. But if the machine cannot work with the software I like and games, I will just box it up and send it back, and figure out how to rebuild my old computer. I refuse to have a machine that locks up three to six times a day.

Oh, I also spoke with my landlord. I asked if I could stay another month, or if he would rather I complete the contract if he would allow me to stay. I told him that I am having health issues. He suggested that he would add a month, but no more. He wants me out in time for him to find another tenant before the summer is out and to work on the apartment. Fair enough. So, if I want to get out without another year lease, I have to be out by July 1st. If nothing else, that gives me some time to get my train back on track. I am going to have to have some help, and I will begin asking for it from those I know. I seem to be able to work (more anyway), with help. But alone, I become lost. And, I am constantly fighting exhaustion, so how much I can help is somewhat questionable. Yes, it stinks to be crippled… a lot…

I had best get a few chores done this morning. I do not want the landlord to arrive to even a smaller mess. The house is a bit cluttered with the computer half together and a move two thirds finished, but it is reasonably in order so that minor tasks will set the place aright. And, there are a few other tasks I could accomplish this morning on the business end. Who knows, maybe I can get it together. Hmm, if I do well, I may have to take the .22s out and do some range chatting this afternoon. It is raining now, and it might be later too. But stainless has it’s uses and I do not melt. Plus, the outdoor range might be all mine. Well, it is a weekday, it probably will be anyway.

On a side note, The Tylenol helped a great deal, and I only have needed that one big 1,150 mg dose yesterday. Though I feel the potential for a headache coming on, I think I will wait and see.

Thoughts, perceptions, and how our world changes through them.

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I think, from time to time, about what I used to think about. Sometimes I can put myself into those moments and think the same thoughts, sometimes I can only view the memories vividly without being able to become the remembered thinker, explorer, or such. Some of those thoughts from memory seem so foreign. I wonder at how I could have believed that the government would help everybody and be good by it’s own nature, I cannot be sure. Perhaps I had mistakenly thought of the government as a person at a time when I believed in people for their own sakes. Perhaps I had just been told that by all of the Democrats around me. Or, maybe, it was too uncomfortable to think that my government could be bad, being as small, weak, and powerless as I was. But this is just an example of many such thoughts.

I see through my ages that I have discovered, accepted, reconsidered, and abandoned a host of thoughts regarding every subject under the sun and many which are beyond the realm of even the universe as we know it. I have struggled, wrestling with notions of self, others, right, wrong, and the rest. I have always been certain that there is a better way, a meaning to goodness, and the existence of evil. But I have never been able to find a perfect or absolute notion of reality. And, at each age, my notions have changed, in what I hope has been the magic of growth created by a concentrated and unflinching search for truth.

In remembering these things I have no option but to be patient where I can be. Some evil must be thwarted, with my life, if necessary. And yet, poor decisions and thinking by others must be borne, to some degree, in the hope that they too will find their way. I cannot, in most cases, remain quiet when asked or confronted. What I can do is use prudence to offer possibilities, to plant seeds which might mature into something greater, and to gently offer what I am more sure of or the sources of my surety, as so many have done for me.

I have so much more growth potential. I am still small and weak, at times. And no matter how well I gain a footing, I know I am an amateur in navigating life and I will remain so until my death. I will never reach the goal. If I can learn how to most properly use the crutches around me, knowing when and how to use those tools to get what needs to be done completed in their times, that will be as good as it gets. All of those strange or still familiar thoughts and perceptions of the world around me have lead me not to greatness, power, and wealth, but to a humility of living that I feel graced to know.

It has been a wonderful life. I have met and love so many people, and have been so many people. I see that in the eyes of many, though not all, around me. Within each person is a thousand people they were and a million people they could have become. But also, before me, each time, is one special being. A man or woman, unlike any animal, who has become something unique and perhaps special through a thousand, perhaps a thousand thousand, sets of thoughts, decisions, and hope. Not only is it a grace to exist and to be who I am, it is often even more of a grace to touch the lives of those around me.

Doh! Reading her makes me do this! Though some of you all reach in and rend writing, thought, and considerations from me. Your sentiments and sensibilities are not lost here, on me, even if we disagree… mostly. :p

Tylenol.

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I have just been suffering through the aches in my neck and the severe headaches I have had for the last few weeks. But I have had enough. So, I will try buckets of Tylenol. That is what was recommended when I was on high blood pressure medicines, since it did not interfere with those medicines. And, at that time, I was more active about treating even little pains as they interfered with my studies and trying to lead a life. As is, I was simply trying to ignore the pain but the pain is becoming more like migraines now. Nausea, confusion, light sensitivity, and sever pain really deserves to be treated. At least it is not yet as bad as it can be. Yes, buckets of Tylenol, 1400 milligrams up to four times a day, is what I was allowed before, along with some medicine to help with the nausea (though I have dumped that along with all other prescription medicine). Then again, since I am not taking other medicines, I may see if other painkillers are better, if these do not work.

I was able to stay awake 16 hours in my last effort. If the time of day I am awake is a bit complicated in order to do some business, and if that is pretty much all I can do, it is something. There is the odd chance that I will get other things done if I can just stay awake long enough. I suppose that is as good as it gets for now. And, it is better than the last few weeks by far. Of course, being awake more means I am more vulnerable to the headache pains. As I said about suffering though, it has it’s purposes. As well, I am trying to treat it now too.

I had thought to tone down my rhetoric when blogging. It seems I have actually ratcheted it up. On the other side of the deal, however, I think that though I am using a stronger voice, I am also using a more reasoned line of recourse and avoiding the reddest of the red meat, mostly. Though it is not what I suggested I would do, I think it is better than what I was doing, and maybe in the final analysis it is more like what I had wished to accomplish. Either that or I am merely psychologically covering for my failure. Who knows, but I will ponder the point.

That’s it. I am going to let you off this murderously boring train (of thought?) early today. Now, go out and tell some one they are important to you. Find a bum and tell them that God loves them. Find something good to do or say. And remember to feed yourself. You may be at the bottom of the ladder, but without you, the stellar would be at least one rung down and just as possibly (or more), flat on their backs in pain due to a failure of their support system. Yes, you are important. Besides, God loves you, He told me so.

Updates and some thoughts.

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I made it to 14:00. I could go no further yesterday. I did do a few cleaning and cooking chores, but that was it. I set the alarm clock in order to try and wake up. Not a chance, I did not awaken until 23:00. So, it just is not working right now. I will keep trying, and try to do some of the other things on my list. *sigh*

I have been reading a bit. Blogs are my reading sources of choice. The “News” is dysfunctional. Reading books takes more than I can gather to keep it together. I like to track details, people, and connections. If I cannot do that over two to three hundred pages or more, I let it go.

Some things I have seen debated, or have extracted from the debates: should women fear men; what is women's place in society; Whether law should be blind, perhaps to the point of stupidity, or whether it should be prejudiced; and how conservatives can take control of the Republican party, or create our own. Of course, I have some thoughts about these. I will try not to be too cynical, short, or spiteful.

Should women fear men? It is a simple question, and the answer is yes and no. By that I mean they should fear men, just not consciously. How this is performed is that women have to know they are not the equals of men. Physically, they will lose, even quite often if all things are not equal. Her will is no good against a man who wants something from her. However, if she lives a good life, and uses some common sense with her associations and how she associates, this fear should be more passive. Good men will not, even when we do not get our way, physically override a woman’s will. Not all men are good. And knowing which is which is not indefatigably definable without finding ones’ self in trouble. So, do not associate freely and singularly until wisdom and knowledge is stronger. A cage, I suppose, but never believe any of us are not caged. Even men know one bad choice can be our last.

Women do have a place in society, work, medicine, and lots of other areas. However, their strongest place is as a partner to a man, mother to children, and domestic mistress. Outside of that, she can function. I would argue, she is less efficient in those other areas. It is not that business, science, and such were made for men, it is that their rigors are more easily borne by men. Long hours, dirty situations (mud, oil, etc) do not put men at as great of a risk. Men get sick less than often than women, in any case. Women have chosen to “do it for themselves”. While that seems fine, our culture and population, has probably come to an end. What will replace it will not allow any such foolishness. At this point, does it matter? The only answer I can suggest is, maybe. Or more, perhaps, with faith.

Should the law ignore the details, including often previous behavior, demographics (or that but only one way), social norms (which the judiciary seems to try to bypass in any case), and such. The answer is that the judiciary needs to be on top of it. Yes, they need to be blind in distributing justice evenly from crime to crime, but they cannot ignore common sense, prior activity, or even statistics. Being blind and stupid is not in our favor. It will lead to street justice, which often turns quite ugly and then often morphs into greater problems (think gangs and the mafia). Our system is becoming defunct simply because it will not do what it should, that is, protect us from serious threats. When a false rape accusation can ruin a man even if he is found innocent and nothing is done to the woman, when killing a dog even if in an ugly way can get as great a sentence as killing a human, when pedophiles are allowed to slide until they kill and then given lighter sentences that dog killing, things have gone so far that one has to consider abandoning all the law, lawyers, law schools, judges, and law makers for the last half a century, and restarting things from that time from scratch.

So much is wrong and there are no simple or easy means of correcting these things. Then again, a revolution would not necessarily be any better. Our revolution was one success in a nearly vacant field of such events which ended successfully. The French Revolution turned into mass murder then a dictator, the German NAZI revolution was a murderous regime from the start as well, and the Russian, Chinese, Cuban, and Venezuelan revolution have all gone down the ladder to the most base of human bestiality as fast as they could. There is little difference between the depravity of socialism and communism. Kings were better, for some large part.

I am not sure what could work, but being more for action than patience, I still lean toward revolution, of some sort or other. But first, we will have to find our Washington, Franklin, and others. Then, we will have to collect. I guess the first thing to do is to see if the military is constitutional or if they will "simply follow orders". Anyway, lots to fix, little time, and in the end, it may not matter. However, since I have seen none of the signs of the end, I think if we fail, we are just in for a global governance along the lines of the E.U., or more, to Hitler’s ideals for governance. Those “smart uniforms” and that absolute secular certainty will not seem so great to those who currently dream of secular governance. They never got to see NAZIs decline into the same type of corruption and evil (often denying the concentration camps) that Stalin, Mao, Pol Pot, and the others had time to exhibit (who they often just deny knowing anything about).

And another thing, secularism is always weak. It will fail against islam. Britain and Canada are now at least mulling over incorporating sharia law into their legal systems, among other nations. In the end, women, as well as men, will be far less free than they have any understanding at this time. No one in this nation has ever been a slave. No one here has had to submit to political dictation, down to celebrating the political leader’s birthdays, buying the books they write, and either joining “The Party” or being left on the sidelines of society. Heck, no one has even been put in jail for not being employed (while having employment be based completely on political affiliations, if that is actually seeming to become the case, starting in academia decades ago and spreading like rot from there).

Yeah, this is going to hurt. One way or the other, Americans will know war on their soil like never before or they will wake up or both. Or, they will kneel and obey, openly, not sneakily as in academia, medicine, unions, and other professions now.

Oh well, I need sleep again.

A little more suffering.

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I woke this morning at 6:00 or so. I had to push to stay in bed until then, but I think it was worth it. It is difficult to sleep as long as I should or stay awake as I would have it, sometimes it is just not possible. But, out of bed I am and with some normal type of sleep. The rest was not good, and I am tired, but I think I will push on. I had best concentrate on one or two things at a time. If they seem minor, they do help sort things in my mind. It is sometimes, though not always, my mind which backs away from a seemingly overwhelming problem or group of problems. One thing at a time, maybe two. Then I can start adding things in, as I see the need, as I regain function, and as I find the satisfaction of small successes.

I shaved before I went to bed last night. The barbarian look is gone, for the year. I have been growing my beard the last two winters, and I really doing that now. And, I have been and will probably continue to shave it off in the summer. To be honest though, I think it is as cooling in the summer as it is warming in the winter. As with seasons, I enjoy a bit of change from time to time. It is odd, now, when I go to scratch or fidget with my beard only to find skin.

I made a few eggs and a few slices of bacon for breakfast. It is so good to have a clean kitchen. With the plumbing fixed, and the dishes done, I believe I will have a much easier time of staying on top of that. At my worst, a few weeks may pass, and a few things will get lined up for cleaning. This was more than that by a lot. I am still waking up. Yeah, I know. But like I said, I did not sleep well. This is where the title comes in… a little more suffering.

When things get arranged so that I may begin my trek back to worldly concerns, I always have to suffer. It is no different than when one sits wrong, or for too long, and a limb falls asleep. Or when one has not exercised in a while and then they begin again. Pain seems to be a part of all life, from birth, to teen years, to middle age, and finally in death. And, it is often a good thing. It indicates that the body mind and soul are functioning properly, for the most part. Without it, in any case, joy would be that much less sweet, we would not sense a problem, and we would not grow. And, so, I am glad for this difficulty. I do not go seeking pain, but when it is presented as a normal healthy part of life, like life itself I accept it with gratitude.

I think today’s schedule will be light. A visit to the bank, a call to HP, a little more cleaning and the trash out, and maybe some sorting of CD’s. I want them in alphabetical order, though some of them perhaps, will go into their own cases, by theme (such as classical music). As well, I plan on cleaning up from breakfast more completely (though there is little to do since I prepared and served efficiently), and making another meal which will last a day or two.

I am still unsure about what to do about an apartment. To be honest, I may have to do something far different than what I have been planning, in the short term. I have several notions in mind, I will hold those for a bit. It does weigh heavily on me. Time, money, other resources, and such, are making this a real drag. Oh, and not knowing what to expect of costs associated with the move. I really need to call Pods.

I have been thinking about some things. I have been questioning whether I should comment on other people’s blogs, again. This revisitation of the old theme is a bit different now, however. It is no longer about whether I or what I have to say is of value or any of that jazz. What I wonder about is whether I should be applying my notions of life to the world around me. Should I, as a Catholic, indicate that I believe marriage is a holy union? Should I, as a man, indicate what I perceive to be the truth regarding men and women and cultural norms? Should I, as a conservative, pen my name to ideas which sometimes do and sometimes do not follow some “perfect vision” of that association? At this time, I think I should, though perhaps I could go about it differently.

For now I will continue. And, I believe, I will not ever stop commenting. However, what I would like to do is speak more sincerely, less cynically, and perhaps less abrasively. Some things cannot be said differently, much like if you are in a fight you cannot tap your opponent. What I have learned about fighting I believe will apply here as well. If you do not want to fight you can certainly avoid that. Do not go to bars with a rowdy reputation, do not speak out of turn, if you see trouble leave, and such. Well, that is the idea. And though I have given up fighting for the most part, it will be more difficult to leave reading certain blogs which incite such. These are blogs I use for news, as information regarding cultural and social issues which are important to me, and for linking with like minded individuals. This is where, perhaps, prudence may play a part. Thinking before I write rather than reacting would be a good play. Looking at the source of what excites me in what I am reading and breaking it down into the fundamentals and debating those rather than arguing some vague point or exception would be good. Lord knows, I love red meat. But should I love it with a hook in it? Yes, maybe I have been a bit too easy.

Today.

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Actually, today has been since yesterday morning, I believe. Or was it afternoon? In any case, I had promised to give someone a ride today. And, so I did. However, with my schedule being off (sleeping days and staying up nights), I knew the only way I could keep that promise was to stay awake overnight. And, so I did. I also hoped to change my schedule around, get some work done in the early Monday hours, and begin figuring things out. And, again, so I did.

Since it was early, and none of the hardware stores were open, I went to Wal-Mart to see about plumbing supplies. Happily I found precisely what I needed, and quite inexpensively. I will be taking the other supplies back to Lowes for a refund. While Wal-Mart had only one thing to choose and Lowes had dozens (but nothing that worked!), I had little choice. Weird. I also installed the parts and my plumbing works! I checked at the neighbor’s door at 10:00, as had been the deal. She was not ready, and would not be for an hour. So, I went out and had breakfast (my kitchen was still a mess). When I returned, she was waiting.

I took her to her appointment and learned more about her. I also learned that she is liberal. Oh, nothing she said, just how she responded. As with my Mother and my long time lady friend, when they get in uncomfortable waters and are asked to think, they shut down. Same with this woman. Well, this IS Iowa City, the Burkley of the Mid-West. And, she does fit here. Still, it was done.

When she returned, she asked if she could stop by for a visit. I suggested my house was a mess. Between the plumbing, the move, and my exhaustion, I did not think it was fit to have company. She asked if she could help, as a return for my driving and occasional meal buying. Sure! And, now, my kitchen is clean and usable. I did help, though I was wearing down. I dried some things, put stuff away she did not know where to put, and ended up mopping the floor (the dishwasher had backed up, so starting it, then stopping it, and then opening it left the kitchen floor quite wet). I also, earlier, had partially cleaned the bathroom.

It is not perfect, but it is a huge dent in an untenable (to me) situation. And, if I can get my days and nights turned around (or not), get going a bit on the little bits left, perhaps I can swing my bumb bum into gear and get back on the road. I really ought to have a jar of pickled pork feet, but honestly I am too tired to enjoy it. It is on my list, hopefully after another batch of work. It will be the 7th meal I have eaten in the last 12 days. Oh, I thought about eating, and I have been very hungry… I just did not know what to do about it. I was too tired to even go out and do a drive-thru.

One day does not a week make. I will take what I can get, when I can get it, at this point though. Now, my last job of the day, is to stay a w a k e t w o o r t h r e e m o r e h o u r s. *sigh* It needs to be done. And yes, sometimes, if they ever really do end up doing so, I can probably set my own broken bones. I sometimes wonder if I just love suffering or if I am just lucky that way. Ack!