Twisting free.

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I don't know why it works sometimes, nor can I ever be certain, but I feel like I might be twisting free of the problems of late.  This one was a little worse than my last failing but shorter, I do believe.  I wasn't able to stay as focused as last time, which is how I gauge these falls.  Yeah, I did some tracking.  But last time my eye was on all of the things.  This time it was only kept on parts of BMan.  Other than feeding the girls and... well... I think that was it.

I feel like I am twisting up and a way from an opponent who had me in some sort of choke-out hold.  And I nearly choked out.  A little rough for the wear but I want to get started on things.  First a bit of tending to things here in the home, then putting the drip line in, and then putting the grill together.  A bit of a headache, some neck strain, a bit of fogginess, and a few other oddities remain.  I've got a remedy or three for all but the fog.  Fog clears off with work, usually.  That's always a running battle.  Tonight?  Cleanup, a shower, some laundry.  Anything else will be luxury.

On the BMan side, I may begin figuring out how and where to pack what.  I plan on creating a main item list, and a list for each pack.  It is more to begin learning how to pack, identify what was worth and not worth packing by keeping notes on the trip, and organizing the return and break down of my gear.  Organization isn't my forte which means I either stick with luck or I do a little extra work. K.I.S.S. will fair you well, that is the only solid thing I am bringing from the past.  A few items to drink from, the extras just for loss or ruination, as with dining items.  Keep it so simple that you can do it dumb.  No matter how smart you are the world can take all but the animal away.  Be ready for that so that you don't have to become feral just to survive, or... go all the way.  It's a bad scene.  In essence, by taking care of yourself you are taking care of those around you, both friend and stranger.

One thing I am not sure about is how secure the site is.  I have to assume things may well go missing.  I guess you just have to hope to luck that it isn't something vital, like the cot and bedding, or worse food or even worse, water, or even the tent.  Or that these things don't get destroyed through negligence on the part of others.  Yeah, no one talks about it but the reality is that BMan is an unregulated city of irregulars with minimal law.  You are unarmed and your own law.  Lets be honest.  Now, being what I am, personally, that should suffice.  However I can't always have all my kit with me.  So it's understood that it is insecure.  I've certainly traveled harder places with less to gain and more to lose and for no good reason.

Well, enough about that.  Later.

No.

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I didn't get into the garden today.  Just couldn't.  I did find my headlamp.  I might do it tonight, or some other evening, now that I have some lighting.  Flashlights just aren't enough, don't work well.  Lamps, I suppose, but inconvenient for specific lighting if a bit better than flashlights.  It didn't happen because it didn't happen.  That sounds simplistic but it is logical, true, and... metaphysical, actually.  Never mind.  I lose a lot of people there.  It just is or isn't, isn't it?  Yes and no.

But it is after 14:00 and I am still awake.  This is the latest I have been awake in... weeks? months?  Perhaps the schedule shift is working it's way through my system... Or I am in line for another spin or two around the clock.  Never know until I know.  Then, of course, I know.  Sometimes.  Too much thought about what is and isn't of late, and how to explain it.  Most of it is bunk, except those parts that are true.  It is a wonderful laboratory of thought for practicing participles, grammatical conjugation, and such though.  Wait, I hate grammar.  Well, not my grammar.  Never knew her so I can't be sure.  But if she didn't get along with my mother when she was younger, both of them actually, had to be since they both aged until one of them died, more or less... then I probably would have gotten along with her right up until I didn't.  But... that's another thing.

Yes, yes, staying awake a bit beyond the border and my mind does tend to stray.  Think about doing that for decades.  It's a wonder I am sane.  Shhhush.  Later, or goodnight.  We will know for sure later, thought later it will be for certain?  Yes, yes indeed.

Alpha?

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Reading at one of Vox's blogs I chuckled big and large about one of the notions he presented.  It was something on my mind the other day as well.  Almost posted about it then but things are slipping lately.  Something about how if one man gets handy with a lady it is encouraged, supported, rewarded, whereas another man would get thrown troubled for his foolish deeds.  Well, and the fact that "No" only means "No" for some guys.  For others it's, well, not the or an issue.

Now, he brought up a couple of politicians.  The problem with the politician he brought up as alpha was the obstruction.  A true alpha wouldn't need to hide behind layers of money, political muscle, and probably other types of muscle.  That's for when things go wrong.  Not that alphas are perfect, they litter jail cells and psych wards.  Just that they aren't in there for that.  There is a point between when a lion is a lion and when he becomes a jackal.  Both with women and the world.  Someone who has to hide behind skirts and the rest isn't an alpha.  That's all I'm saying.

The other thing is, unlike popular myth, being handy with the ladies is fine.  But she really has to be on board.  It's not every gal that is available, though you would be surprised how many women are in play.  Most let you know they are in play or just plain try to sneak up and on you, if you have certain traits.  Being that I could have 30 year old kids, with me being mid 40's, with the mothers being mothers of my class mates and a teacher or two should explain some of that.  Got to admit, I still don't, and probably never will, understand.  But then I don't understand gravity completely, the sun fully, matter to a greater extent, or women in general.  I don't need to understand.  Biologically to intellectually, I am an engineer.  Just make it work then leave it alone, if it's vital.

And yet, the reason I haven't found a woman is because I tried to make changes.  I'm locked up.  Sex is easy, could be having that now, tomorrow, next week.  That's not what I want, or not that alone.  I never did but I was on that track.  It's sort of like reading Cliff Notes, or a solid review of something, compared with the actual product.  You know how it turns out and have a decent idea about who is involved and why, but the details weren't there.  I was lead to a shortcut that shortcutted the natural process.  Trying to figure the way back...  Yeah, tricky.  You can't undo, unlive, unsee, unremember, it doesn't work.  You have to move on, but how far?

I'm not really an alpha, I just played the part like a pro when certain variables came due.  I saw the signs, felt which way the wind was blowing, approached on normal vectors, did the deed, and never knew why... or even in the moment cared.  Automated.  Just like fighting.  Eventually, if you are an honest type, or earnestly want to be, you have to come around to realizing that isn't working.  I had some plugs to pull, some choices to make, and some notions to settle.  Now that most of it is done, I merely need... something else. 

Yea, women on the mind.  A lot lately.  It isn't BMan, it wasn't the last haiku, dunno.  Either I will find a woman or the urges will pass.  The king is dead, long live the king, baby.

Order sent, some things not on board.

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You have to be careful when ordering from Amazon.  If the price is incredible, check shipping and handling closely.  You can't just look at their published shipping prices.  I did and they were way off on several items.  I have prime, so my shipping is often free, if the items usually cost a bit more.  The savings are usually worth it.  As well, when I order prime objects, they are usually right on the money.  What I mean is, if you order a  blue light that is on the prime list, where there are several colors available, you get blue.  If you order from some of the other places it seems like they just send a random color.  The Chinese simply do not read English or seem to care, though I won't limit it to them.  Actually, I think they somehow make money on shipping and returning.  It probably, like our gov and even some big business as the world is crashing, has to do with adjusting the chairs on the U.W.E. Titanic as she sinks.  (United World Economy)  Governments are paying for shipping, or reducing the cost so that companies take advantage of it, in order to get product moving, and with a bit of a kickback for volume from the shippers, it's send, send, send.  Returns just add to the private buckets from public coin.  Among other schemes.

When I first sent my list in, I checked shipping carefully.  They tried to add $127 in S&H!  Not.  So I went through my list, deleting, this and that, to find out where the huge costs were.  A bunch of it was on el lights and personal flashers.  One was marked less than $10 for the lot, but the shipping on them, for say ten items, was nearly $80.  I don't know how Amazon lets them do that?  You would think they would check on that, or require some sort of notion as to maximum shipping costs from partners.  Oh, sure, they are busy, but that is a way to get some really angry customers.

Finally, after several hours of fiddling, I did get my order in.  Hmm, I took the drop cloth off.  But I think the shipping for that was as much or more than the cost.  I will be looking locally, Walmart and a few other places.  Gah!  For as off as I am, I am glad I saw that and dealt with it.  I am a bit surprised I got to it, and checked it all.  *updated*  No, I was able to order the drop cloth.  I went and checked that, after writing this.  Shipping was reasonable.  So it is on the way as well.  I also remembered that I forgot to order cloth for the kilt.  Since I can't do the gillie ghost suit, a kilt will work.

This morning I may get out and work on the drip line.  I think my garden is a waste though, weeds.  I'm not sure it is salvageable without more work than I have.  Well, and many of the plants simply aren't taking off.  I'm not convinced it is worth the water costs at this point.  Still, it is an experiment, a first year in the school of hard knocks, so I will continue anyway.  *knock knock*  While tinkering with the hose I will think about it all.  Weeds!  *shrug*  Later.  

Wow...

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I started a game, since I'm not doing much else successfully for the moment.  Bioshock Infinite, if you are curious.  I played the game through, straight, on easy setting, just to see what's what.  One night, clean through.  Yesterday I played for trophies.  Trophies are things you do in the game, like find certain items, look through certain devices, etc.  Again, I played it straight through.  Zouch.  I got near the end.  It didn't look like I was going to get all the collectibles.  I was going by a German, and I think the European versions are slightly to very different?  It just didn't seem to match up to my game.  Going by that, I assumed I blew it and would have to play the whole thing over, only much more carefully.  There isn't a good way to figure out what you didn't get.  As I finished the game, I noted one of the collection trophies was gotten, so I checked the others.  Inexplicably, considering the trophy guide I was following, I did get them all.  Some might be allowed to missed in one game, and found in another, but two of them at least, required a one game thing.  Bleh. 

Yeah, the European games must be different, or the player figured out how to cheat extra.  He had some stats maxed to 30 while I only had 24, and yet got the trophy...  Meh...  Done.

The thing is, it isn't just the game.  While some things, the actual events, and of course the nature of the game, the questions left behind are ones that still mar my world.  Who am I?  Perhaps even what am I?  Who and what indeed.  Most people live in the plain of the mundane.  You believe blue is blue, black is black, night and day are just that.  And that is where and what I prefer.  I just know that it isn't quite that pat.  How wrong it all is, that I don't know.  Is the world just slightly askew, in my version of things due to original sin?  Is it just we who are a little off?  Or is the whole damn thing an existence of possibilities and probabilities with no certainties of flesh.  Either way, I do believe in God.  He is the one and eternal standard and norm.  There is that, but...  This game...  Yeah...  It's bringing clarity to fuzz and that isn't always a good thing.  Hmm, I think I feel a nose bleed coming on.

I just finished most of the minor trophies.  There are a few more I want to get before delving into the hardcore mode... in which it will be unlikely to get any other trophies other than the ones for playing through that game.  That's it.  I've heard that it isn't hard, it's insane.  After playing easy and being wiped out with ease, even as a decent player, I suspect this is going to be headache inducing.  Why, then, you ask?  Well, it beats a fifth or two of hard stuff on top of a case, innit?  You relax your way, I'll relax mine.  *grins*

Somewhere through the night, as I need breaks, I will begin looking and sorting.  I have a number of minor but key items somewhere in my home.  You would think if I could survive to find hundreds of things in a virtual world that I would be able to find these things in my own home, wouldn't you?  Yeah, well, in the game, things flicker.  My black knee high engineering boots and headlamp do not flicker... not a bit...  The boots should be easy to find, they are huge.  Same with the headlamp, the area to search is small, but it could fit anywhere, or even fall behind something.  Gah! 

Dizzy.  Yes indeed.  Too much data, too many possibilities, variables and unknowns abound.  I've... had worse.  Later.

I did go through gear last night.

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I didn't find everything I was looking for.  I should have a headlight somewhere.  I was going to use that to work on the drip lines last night, but as I said it was no where in my gear.  I am sure it is in my room, come to think of it.  But where in the bear cave is anyone's guess.  Later on I'll list what I found, and what I have ordered, just for myself and anyone who wants to look over the list.  It's a tracking, cataloging thing.

I found two battery operated lanterns.  One from before I moved to Utah by several years, one from the year I moved but while my gear was still in storage.  One is powered by D, the other by AA batteries.  Both were still functioning!  Weird.  Just plain odd.  Still, I'll have extra spare batteries for those and other things.  Lots of what I am taking require batteries.

I am also thinking about premaking a dozen 1/2 pound hamburger patties.  Hard freezing those, along with at least a few steaks each.  Along with MRE's and a can of freeze dried stroganoff, that will be my nod to food.  I do have some drink stuff I'll be taking, and of course various other libations.  *cough*  Hmm, and a pound or two of fresh coffee and a grinder.  It is enough that I could easily live on it, with a bit of room to split out a bit.   

My last order will go in tonight.  Sometimes prices jump extraordinarily, or drop, on Amazon.  So I am always leery about promising to buy something.  I have more than enough cash now, It's just not all in one account and the order would ravage whichever account I used.  Payday is a good day.  I should have enough for gasoline and any minor travel expenses, lodging on the way a few times, perhaps, and... possible gedunk.  The next time I go I will be much more fully kitted out though, being less of an expense the possibility for odd things will be on hand.  Even so, all said and done, it will be tight.  *fingers crossed*  Next time I am saving up, buying things along the way, and watching what I am doing a lot more carefully.  Still, this was always going to be tight.

I won't be able to get the ghillie suit this year.  I have all but the black material.  It is something I can work on through the winter.  As well, I won't have room, nor time it seems, to make a solar oven.  That is a project for next year.  The cost of materials will keep both off the track, though time and energy are also problems.  I simply haven't decided on the material, actually, either... for the suit.  Bleh...  Oh, I think I am ordering material to make a makeshift true kilt though, and a few pieces to fill it out.  And I have a few other odds and ends around.  It won't be fancy, as some are, but then some have a lot more free cash floating around, and most probably attend their finances a little more strictly and in a focused manner.  Noobs do what noobs do, and I am a noob.  You have to start somewhere.

Yeah.  Later...  No, much later.  Good night.

I best start to find and collect my gear.

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This should be interesting.  Most of my camping/explorer gear is in just a few confined places.  I collected most of it to keep it on hand and from being lost.  Looking for one item, otherwise long unconsidered, can make for a nearly impossible task.  So, right up front, gear went to one of several places and anything new went in as well.  For as disorganized as most of my life is, this stuff is still tight.  It's life and death stuff.  The rest is just... stuff.  Need to give it to a woman.  She'll take care of it like I take care of my stuff, or get rid of it if she has, or as she gets, better stuff.  Not my area.

Still... the lists of things I have to take is complicated.  It has to be pulled from the lot, then packed.  What will go where is a whole added thing.  I have a huge pack.  No pack will hold all I will be taking.  Though I have several decent totes besides.  The sleeping bag and tent probably wouldn't fit.  If it were just clothes, My guess is two of the side (called rocket) packs would probably handle that.  Gear and gedunk will overflow the rest, and that doesn't include a bike or water or possibly the grill. 

I still have to buy a sleeping bag.  And instead of a ground mat I think I will be reviewing cots.  I don't want something too thin and it can't be too short.  I sleep on normal beds but only because I like my feet off the end, and beyond the covers, even when I am somewhat curled up.  I simply hate too narrow of a bed though.  Even with a mat it is extremely annoying. 

I am feeling better though.  I may begin compiling bits of the list tonight.  I am an organized packer if I have it in me and the time.  The thing is I have never packed for something quite like this.  Actually, that isn't exactly true.  Just get rid of the lights and odd bits and... I've geared up for harsh climates before.  Ages ago though.  And I was young and strong.  I didn't worry too much.  Humping 120 wasn't an issue, and I usually humped more because I could.  Came in great for bartering later.  Big but not dumb.  Extra smokes/chew, more tp, a box of snickers...  You'd be surprised what old Doomster could pull out of his... pack.  It wasn't all greed, mind you.  Still, a favor wasn't a bad thing to have on tap for later either.  A kindness also went a long ways.  Business... but among brothers. 

Oh, I have decided on bedding.  I went the luxury route I suppose.   I went with this for the bag, and these for the cot, the pad, and the organizer.  Should work.  While the pad absorbs moisture, the desert takes it away.  I doubt if I will have moisture issues at BMan, or in Utah saving direct rain in either...  That's what tents are for!  Along with a few other things, that is my last order.  Yeah, I included a 10x20 ground cloth and maybe, thinking on it, two area rugs.

Hmm...  Well...  On to some digging, cataloging, and sorting.  Later.

Sleep was fantastic.

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When I have to gear up to ignore my current sleep cycle, usually it isn't too much of a problem.  From time to time, though, it is a huge issue.  Sometimes I can't do it.  Sometimes I don't even have a cycle.  I just drift, without rhythm or a means of amending when I sleep or wake.  Alarms are useless.  Having a woman, a wife type, living in my home, does seem to help a lot.  But she can act as either pole of the magnet, me being the another pole, depending on how rational she is and which part of that I am able to deal with at the moment.  Yeah, women do stabilize my sleep, usually bringing me to days.  My hiccups with a woman are usually quite short term.  I have been getting much better this way on my own.  I honestly am curious how much a woman would help regulate sleep now.

I saw a fellow recently.  Wheelchair bound, he had no arms or legs.  He also had a beautiful wife.  If he had met her after whatever took that part of his life away, I could see it turning out good... a better chance anyway.  But not in his case.  I do think about that.  The difference is I am mobile, intelligent, mindful even if simply subconsciously at times, I see into the dark of minds I know as easily as others see their lawn in broad daylight, and do frighten potential suitors.  I've had more than one of my women tell me that when I visited her workplace that ended advances by coworkers.  Some of the women were pleased with it, some were not.  Wasn't my goal but I was quite happy.  I move and negotiate new acquaintances and my surroundings, if they are hostile like most cities are, like a warrior, a killer.  People who know recognize my sort right off.  Any doubt is allayed by a handshake.  I honestly have a world class strength in my hands.

Oh, it isn't just sleep being off.  Everything is a bit off.  I am not sleeping as long or deeply, and I am awake much longer.  It sure beats last summer though.  And, yeah, I am chalking it up to summer heat and light.  Finally.  I simply have limits.  I am seeing the boundaries of those like never before, understanding how simple some of it is.  More or less light and heat and I simple buckle a bit.  I can still do, but as I have suggested, if either the mind or the body fail I can drift for a bit.  If it is the body, a more rare occurrence and from doing too much, a bit of rest will fix that.  If it is of the mind however, little can be done without an outside influence to guide.  It's just the way it works.

I tell you though, God must really want me here.  Most won't survive the constant crippling effects of body and mind or the humility of it, the brutally painful starvation periods I used to go through, the health issues of mind and body, such as confusion, loss of time scales, and things.  Flesh wasn't really supposed to endure this.  It is why, when I committed suicide, I was in purgatory and not hell.  God knew what others can't.  One might say purgatory was a hell of a gift, though, too.  It was part of the key that brought me to the light, if in time.  Who wants to believe in fairy tales?  Oh, I believed before that, but not quite for real, or particularly in purgatory.  Now?  I have no doubts.  I also have less doubts about God.  Or His grace and love actually, and forgiveness.  Nor do I doubt hell and that many will indeed go there, if I realize that isn't from a vengeful God, it is a simple choice.  In the end, for those who want to do what they do, and further reject that as a wrong in spite of truth...  God allows all but the love of sin.  Sin?  Washed.  Love of sin is a choice and He won't amend that, we have to choose.  It's too much for some minds to grasp, some souls to let go of wrong, some people simply think absolutes are too much while often trying their hardest to impose the absolutes of dissolution oddly, which... never works.  Never mind.

Mind is just working through a few things as I wake.  Later.

Woot!

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Sometimes God takes away, sometimes He gives.  My doctor called in sick, and I'm still so very tired.  Sick and tired, definitely my doctor!  Some days it just works out.  Oh, I was going to go.  I would have made it.  But it was going to hurt.  Yeah.  Best take my "night meds" and scoot off to dream land.  Good night.

Why? I ask, why?

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After a week of not being able to go to bed until 11:00 or so it seems, today?  If I didn't have to drive I would have been in bed a couple of hours ago.  It's just freaky how things work.  Tired as can be.  Oh well.  Ah, I think I actually figured it out...  I haven't been able to drink anything since midnight, so they can do a fasting blood test.  Not an A1C, but some other.  Kidney function or... no that wasn't it.  Something.  I'll let them goof.  I'll be more ready for a little caffeine than I will anything else.  I'll stop for breakfast somewhere that serves coffee by the jug.

Yeah, I'll need that if I am going to have any chance at shopping for a sleeping bag, maybe a pad of some sort, a cheap but warm quilt, and a couple of pillows.  Actually I'll reserve the new pillows and wash and take some old ones... Yeah, that'll work.  Hmm...  I think that will be it for the day unless I catch a second wind. 

Life sure is messy.  No matter how things work out the plan is only a good idea that gets one motivated to begin getting in trouble.  Not just trips or mechano-electric stuff... runs right through to women.  Messy.  Gosh I like getting messy though.  Later!

Ah, right.

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An appointment tomorrow.  A make-up exam, one might alternatively suggest.  I missed the last one.  Yeah, 10:00... it'll be tricky.  That's just about my bedtime of late.  Yeah, well...  So be it.

While out, if I have the energy, I may stop at a few stores looking for a double sleeping bag and cheapo comforter.  I have a decent one but I don't want to take it.  I would like to get a mat of some kind as well, but those cost, starting at what I am looking to spend on a sleeping bag and going up from there.  Bleh.  I think I have one, but it's single.  Long enough but the times I have used it led me to the conclusion that it was made for a guy my height who weighs 180, on several fronts. 

I have one more order to place, on the first or thereabouts, after reviewing finances.  I still need enough for gas, emergencies, and whatever else might be needed on the way and a few things before going.  Always something overlooked.  Always.  Not always remedied with cash but... cash doesn't hurt.

Hmm, I've been pushing to shove my sleep cycle back into days but... that just takes as long as it takes.  I do push, until that wears me out, then I let go and it comes around.  The early appointment tomorrow will give that a bit of a shove though.  Yeah, I'll be there.  Bells and whistles are strictly optional.  Later.

Be at peace.

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A bit of rest, a few additional options, and skies are clear again.  Oh, well, it had to hit at some point.  The struggle to get things in order to go.  Too many variables, too many unknowns, it truly is how everything works.  Someone has a plan, enough people go along with it, and then life and maybe death happen.  It doesn't matter if you are going in for a hike, a swim, a week trip into the desert to find and lose some things, or the exploration of the west by men on horseback, without guides to start or even enough provisions or a way to resupply well.  It's what men do, and love to (and love to hate to) do.  I've been a trial and error junky since I ran away from home my first time.  I had to crawl to the middle of the street, my brother was kind enough to let me out, and my shepherd stood steadfastly over me or the old lady driving would have run me over... she only saw my dog and even then had to slam on the breaks.  Yeah, I've been flirting with disaster since before I was out of diapers.  It's... been fun though, mostly.

A trick?  I would like to get some local potable water.  But half of my water, wash water, I think I will get at D.C.'s?  I could get it on the way but I don't want to have to buy it.  Who knows how much someone would charge.  Fitting everything in?  I best start packing and practicing.  I won't be taking all the chairs at this point, and regret the expense.  I could send them back but I think it's a bit late and would cost before it would save, a luxury there is no time to afford.  Still, for some other time.  Not bad to have some gear stowed.  Lots of things to consider.

To be honest, I just think the nerves are coming from the fact that I have to start packing, and thinking things over a little more carefully just adds impetus.  I would have to have started pushing things through at some point anyway, and would have been pretty much just as twitchy about it.  The lists will help.  I am definitely not an organized type.  I have learned to go with the basics and figure it out on the way.  I'm very good at that or I wouldn't be alive.  I certainly have some handicaps, but I've learned how to elbow those to the side from time to time, if it is only a trick not a solution.  Yeah, I'll get started on the packing a little sooner than I had intended, which is... probably a very good thing.

Son, but I am getting excited.  I signed up to be a greeter, with the stipulation that it might be tricky for me.  I won't, it seems, need a new tent... assuming a sale goes through on my partner's side.  I do need a sleeping bag.  The one I have is simply too small.  I ought to try and sell that.  It is in 'like new' condition, and a fine specimen of a sleeping bag, along with various liners.  If I had the time I would sell it online and use the proceeds to buy another.  As is, I will simply buy a new, but cheap, sleeping bag, or double bag.  I am a seriously big boy.  My chest is bigger than the circumference of most standard bags.  At least my belly isn't bigger than my chest, not even close, mostly.  :p

Later.

Okay, things just got very complicated with BMan.

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It seems that the RV is out of the question this year.  Okay.  I do have a tent, but it isn't good for much.  It certainly won't do for that desert, nor the wind.  More... there are now many things I have to reconsider.  I do have camping kit, from a minor burner stove to water containers and some other things.  But everything I had sort of taken for granted is no longer available.  Which means sitz baths, figuring out food and storage for it, to... who knows what else.  Yes, complicated.

Now, I do have a lot of gear.  But the tent is what is bothering me first and foremost.  There is a BMan tent guide, and I am sort of going to be playing off that.  I had thought to buy a more superior tent, but that solution would both be much more expensive, the tent would sort of be ruined, and I am not sure it would be any more successful, save against the wind, than what I have, in dealing with the heat and dust.  However, with the suggestions given, I will need to stop in at stores and look at what they have.  Though... hmm... Walmart doesn't set them up, not the big ones.  To find a two room tent, or three room where I can just use two, will be a trick.  I am looking at a couple, this one and this one.  It depends on if they can be shut to just two rooms though... and how many mesh vents they have that might need to be tended...  I don't know about insulation this time/year...  Just don't know.  Of course, about these tents I know nothing, to date.  So...

Food, the next item...  First I will need coolers.  I have several standard ones.  They suggest some Xtreme coolers.  I am thinking what I have plus one of those, in a smaller size, and mostly for ice.  I do believe I will be going with mostly MRE's and a can of freeze-dried beef stew.  No, not gourmet, but I've... had worse.  I simply don't have it in me to set up more than that, most likely.

As for the rest?  Well?  I simply don't know.  There is a guide for what to take, as well, plus a day pack picture adviser.  The paradigm has shifted so radically and quickly that this will simply have to be a snapshot of a thing and it will work out as it does.  I can handle the heat so long as I have a time to cool off.  There it is called nights, and they won't just be cool they will be out and out cold.  This will be a bit tricky.  But then it was going to be from the start.  I'm just... trying to figure the shift.  Oh, as I wrote, I figured this might be a possibility, a strong one, but until something is certain it is difficult to wrap the mind around it. 

D.C. is thinking about renting a vehicle and meeting me there.  I think that is... unwise.  I have the tickets, so we would have to meet before the main gate.  He probably has the theme camp bona fides.  It requires a lot of luck and some intense planning, plus puts two vehicles out there, looking for parking and... I think it would be both less expensive and simpler to meet at his place and drive from there, since he doesn't trust his vehicle for the drive.  We will see on that, too.  Yeah, well... We definitely won't be tourists this time around.

Oh, I have no real way to bring my bike, without an expensive attachment to my vehicle...  Ugh!  Not like I am sure I could have used it much.  I haven't been biking.  Hmm, we will see.

No problem, just something looking for new solutions.  Life.  And it is coming up quickly.  Later.

Haiku Monday - Dance

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Well, okay.  I'll play a little nicer this week.  Too tired last, or more... choked on the theme.  Usually I'm not such a sissy, even about such things.  I'll chalk it up to heat.  Sorry for being a spoiler Raf.  Anywhile, foam is up and at it.  I shot one over the bow, if just a little funnin', hopefully more with than at, our hostess.  She's a bit down in the foot but not long in the face, mostly.  Something about crocheting and cats ought to keep her... on her toes.  There I go again, been up too long.  Never mind.

Hmm, ever driven a vehicle where the breaks or steering went out?

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It's not always as catastrophic as it might seem, if you keep your head and aren't in a really bad situation where you have to dive out of the vehicle.  But your ride is definitely over until it is fixed.  Unfortunately my daily drive is all I have.  I had been staying up later and later, and so meant to push it today and get some work done.  Nope.  Parking break activated, then stuck.  I'll be going to bed in moments.  I did, after two or three other tries, get the plumbing desoldered last night.  Now I just have to decide what parts I want, how I want them configured, and solder it the new way, while I fix the problem.  Hmm...  This time I am going to do the whole thing in one long line while suspending it on blocks of wood rather than trying to do each piece one at a time. 

The hope is that, with going to bed "early", I can rise at a reasonable hour so as to install the dripper system.  Yeah, I know, lame.  I honestly don't have much control sometimes.  But then I am honestly a miracle worker to do what I do in the condition I am in.  Shouldn't be alive.  And yet that isn't enough, even for me. 

I may end up being just a tourist at BMan.  Really.  I won't be a fratboy though.  And I will be looking for a project which could use a hand, and lend it when I have it available.  I will also explore.  Some near the camp, some further away.  But more, I will enjoy myself.  I will admit, if the opportunity comes up, I will discuss God.  I am going for the people, the only art the universe will ever know.  Mona Lisa?  Compare that to any human.  It is what it is, but people are who they were, are, and will be.  In sheer complexity, no art, music, or other human endeavor can come close to competing with just one human.  We certainly try.  We are our Father's children to be sure.  It just seems that those shoes are just a bit big for us to fill quite yet.  I'm not there to push it, though, either.  Just... show people doors when they seem to be looking. 

Hmm, I do have the basics.  Some foods, a bit of kit, tickets, and curiosity.  I might get a few more things but... Dunno.  I best write D.C.  I left a bit on his blog but haven't heard back.  I want to see if all is well, what else we might need/want, and coordinate a bit as the time draws nigh.  I'm not too worried, these things do tend to handle themselves if the basics are tended. 

Sleepy blathering again. Good night.

Nights.

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Vampire, werewolf, or not, I do love the night.  The quiet, the shadow, the cool.  Just shadow, as I see.  There are few nights I cannot see well enough, even with just starlight, for minor activities.  There is more to it, I sense.  Something about most local minds being rested in pillows so as to not crowd the the mind space.  Whether that is a real artifact or a thing garnered from actual knowledge and then incepted into my lore matters little.  It affects me similarly.

It is a cooler night.  Even if the temp and all is the same, the radiation heat is missing due to it having been partly cloudy.  Another artifact or lore, again, matters little.  Nor, really, do I care why something works, so long as I know how to take advantage of it.  Science has only slightly improved since the great Grecian natural philosophers.  It, as an institution, is still usually wrong.  If anything, it merely cares less piled onto believing in itself more.  The newest religion, trying to take the credentials of it's parent, the Catholic Church, and go on a moral spending spree.  A prodigal conservatory, it will never become a real new religion, it has no heart, merely a want to be free of the very thing it says it seeks.  Yes, it does take one to know one... or makes it far easier.  I have simply come to my wits a bit quicker.  I know my place, but not from brute force or I would be an academic, but from coming to wisdom...  Or, Wisdom, really.

Funny how it is such a simple thing.  Knowing you can't know, do, or be all.  Knowing your flesh will fail.  We all know these things but some refuse to trust that there is One who does know and won't, can't, fail.  More so, the promise is that we will become like Him, being literally, and in all ways actually, children of that Creature.  So fearful of not being right here, we can easily use hubris and ego to push through the reality of the forest in search of a living tree, any tree, and be so surprised when we are falling over logs and branches sprinting to a finish line we have already crossed.  Some choose to finally see, some choose to race on, bruised, battered, and never able to get where they are going because they are already there.  While faith is a gift, I still dither about whether that is required to see.  I think it is the Holy Spirit that is required.  And what is required to receive the Holy Spirit is a knee in humility to the fact that we don't know.  Then... then faith can take root.  Then the gift is given to the measure it is deemed necessary.  We choose whether to open ourselves to the gift.  This has bothered me, due to a probable earlier misconception... that being that faith was required first.

Of course, scientists have faith.  They merely squander it on the flesh.  The flesh, as I have indicated in many ways, is doomed forever.  And a damn good thing at that.  The decaying, dying, of the flesh we currently inhabit is a great good, for it has failed.  Yes, yes!  Without God the right thing is death.  Seeing this make modern liberalism absolutely correct.  It is why despite denying it, to their last breath often, they foment governments that murder their citizens, open up genocide by denying poorer people the ability to grow their own food as we do or prevent disease as we have, allowing mothers to murder their own babies even inciting that, and suggesting the old and infirm commit suicide or have doctors, or governments, "make the hard choices".  Without God there is only death.  And death is, to such a mind, preferable to pain, any pain... or expense if medicating that pain costs a liberal a nickle.  If you learn to endure, even celebrate, the pains of life, you will come to God.  Oddly enough, it is God who stands against pain and death like no other.  All theories, competing theories, really... competing philosophies, theologies.  Interesting.  When you step back a bit it is easy to see which one is true and which ones are false.  Use science if you must, use your own two eyes if you can, use your mind if you are truly brave.  By their fruits, among many other things.  A wisdom far older than the bible, that last.  Certainly codified by it though, among many other things.

Why all this, tonight?  Could be the moon.  It might be the stars.  I simply think it is because it was seen, recently, in a number of... events.  Wonderful to see God speak through quite uninvolved means.  The patterns are there.  Once you can hear and see you will often not be able to not see and hear.

Strange.  I am quite sure some of the people from my past would be utterly shocked to read this, and some of my other works.  They knew who and what I was.  They loved me as the world loves winners, conquerors, and such.  They thought I had the world by the ass.  Even after becoming ill I was still a master, to my mind, of my domain.  And for their part in it all, I was a sort of king.  They would have no way of seeing how I could have surrendered my freedoms.  It would be difficult to explain that I was neither free, or that I surrendered nothing.  In gaining faith...  I finally won.  I lost nothing, gained everything, and did it by releasing the guaranteed failure of being one's own.  Somehow I am now more free and my own and more in command than I ever could have been.  Very strange.  But I couldn't explain it to those who believe in flesh.  It is a singular path to go from one to the other and some don't have it in them.

Never mind, just... scrambling eggs and whipping up a sauce to put on them.  Hmm... though... now I'm hungry!  Word jumbles... bah!

You called?

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No, I suppose you didn't.  Wouldn't have mattered, that's all I'm saying.

No sleep until somewhere between 9:00 and 11:00, not up until somewhere in the 19:00 range.  Bam - lights out though, when it hit.  I did get stats and such done, just the last bits of medicine to take.  Done, while it was on my mind.  Yeah, well.  Feeling great, or at least good.  My days are long.  It is just that my schedule is drifting.  It is cloudy today, I see.  Would have been great to get to some work in the garden.  My hope is to keep pushing the schedule, but save enough to get in the garden in the morning tomorrow.  Hopefully between being early, and hopefully still cloudy, it will be cool enough to work at the, on my schedule, late hour.  It might also allow me to push further into the day.  Yeah.

Tonight I hope to get to the plumbing again.  I am so close but so far.  If I do something wrong I could have a huge problem on my hands, so I have been stalling.  With great strength, when working on delicate systems, there is potential for great harm.  Which is why I haven't been tinkering.  I haven't been awake enough to be careful.  I would hate to have to rip out a wall and flooring to get at pipes because I pulled too hard and sprung a leak behind and under it all.  You have no idea how easy that would be for me to do.  *crunch*

Yeah, well...

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No, I didn't cool off fast enough to get to running the drip line, or sleeping early.  Bleh.  My friend says the weathermen say it is supposed to rain this weekend.  Hmm, we will see.  I wouldn't mind, I can work in the little rain we might get, and even with no rain just having it cloudy would cool things off bigtime.  Yeah, I could live with that.  I just won't believe it until I see it.

I didn't completely quit though.  I found a tutorial for the camera on YouTube.  I didn't care much for the presenter, but after finding nothing else I took what I could get.  Whatever about him that annoys me was set aside by the fact that he is thorough, accurate, and seems well informed.  I've set up my camera based on his recommendations, for the moment.  I will have to take literally hundreds of pictures in each situation to be able to eventually make up my own mind, or understand more fully what the various options really do, when to use them, and figure out how to get to them fast enough in some situations to make them worth the time.  For now, landscapes and portraits are the focus.  Well, and some macro shots for flowers and fruits and such, perhaps.  I've watched three of them, about 20 minutes per.  I will probably watch them again.  The battery was charging while I was watching, so I didn't have a way to replicate his notions, and I probably won't try with all of the situations.  Probably.

Of course, I also ran into another problem.  My usb ports aren't accepting the DVD player.  I'm not exactly sure what the problem is.  I tried to have XP hunt and peck for drivers but that doesn't work at all.  This system isn't exactly... top of the line.  And XP, Windows in general, has never worked well at finding new drivers, checking current drivers, or anything.  It's always, in my experience, a personal hunt and peck.  Of course even knowing what drivers are needed is an epic struggle.  Bleh...  It's something to do in between doing real work, if I can get to it.

Tomorrow, between working if I can get to it, though, I will be trying to figure out how to port the pictures from the camera to the computer.  I know how to get them to the blog from there.  It's probably a simple thing.  Unless, of course, the usb plugs decide not to work with the camera either.  They work with some things, not with others.  Quite frustrating.  All of the stuff they are working with are relatively new tech, just like the stuff they aren't working with.  It's a tech crap sandwich if you ask me.  Which you didn't, but I'm here to do your dirty work!  :p

Later, or probably good night.  Yeah.

Not bad.

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Leaving for town a bit before 17:00 I wasn't sure anything would be done when I got home.  Between the heat, the time, and all else...  I did get the cutters I wanted, and another punch.  I can't help myself, on some things.  When I see what I like...  *plunk*  That and dinner, and getting my friend out of his dungeon with me out of mine.  Not bad. 

It was, and remains, hot.  I mean HOT.  They SAY it got to 95 and that it is 91 now.  I'm not buying it.  Whatever.  Returning home before 20:00, with enough time to set up the sprinklers, get the side sprinklers going, and reset the timers so as to possibly get into the garden and start setting up the new system... or to go if it gets too late but more into the night.  Some of the garden really really needs it.  Some of it has settled, not even wilting without water for half a week.  Yeah, I must have varied soil out there. 

I need a little break after setting that all up.  I did take some pictures, of the garden and some of my plants, and a few of the lawn.  The battery on the camera is almost dead so I best figure out how to charge it before messing with trying to figure out how to plug it into the machine and bring you my first pictures or my projects, pictures of the real things not analogs.  You shouldn't really go by the pictures regarding the camera.  I haven't bothered reading the instructions yet.  So... It's just on some random settings, literally pointing and shooting.  You will get to see what the settings look like right out of the box though, if that might be highly variable.  The only thing I made sure was off was the GPS.  None of your bizwax.

But, if I don't get to anything tonight, and I might not, I may have pushed enough today to sleep well so that I can get  to it tomorrow.  This is the first day I almost felt almost productive in a few days anyway.  Hmm... Now to try to cool down and hope to get out to the garden in an hour or less...  Maybe.  Later.

Yeah, well, maybe a bit more.

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While I couldn't do much, I did get to a bit this morning.  My doctor appointment has been rescheduled and I scheduled an eye doctor appointment.  All will be done before I leave for vacation.  My friend called and wants to go out to eat.  Well...  I didn't want to go in, but he didn't mind waiting until around 17:00, for it to cool a bit.  Which... means I best hurry.  While in town he wants to do a bit of shopping, and I might just pick up the right tool for cutting the hoses.  I just hate "making due" when $12 is all that is standing in my way.  Yeah...  I like it done right.  I can make do, I just prefer not to do so.

I have to try to make it short.  The plants really need water and I can't take too much heat.  I have a splendid time in the evenings, the thing is there is so little light, even with a couple of good flashlights and okay lanterns, when working on something brand new.  I might end up trickle watering a weed or something.  *laughs*  Well, yeah, okay.  Later.

Hmm, skip the shower.  I took one last night and I have some clean baseball caps to tame the mess.  Later indeed. 

Oh well, afternoons it is.

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My life is again on a sliding scale.  I have zero control, like driving and hitting ice.  I am keeping my sleep to about six to eight hours.  The rest of it is slipping out of my grip. 

I am going to try my hand at installing the drip system later.  It is far too hot to even think about stepping out.  The news says 92 heading toward 93.  After letting Sam out I am doubting those numbers.  Then again there is a bit of... what... heat exhaustion... that just builds... in the dirt, in us.  We haven't had less than 90 more than probably three times this summer, meaning it is a nasty hot summer here (should just be hitting 90, on average, now).  Few cloudy days as well.  A few of those a week would help a bunch.  Still, perhaps later I will be able to trudge out and monkey with things.  I am not sure tin snips will cut the pipes, but bolt cutters might.  I would rather have the right tools, but I don't want to go back into town.  That's just a stinkhole of hot, in, there, and out.  Maybe later.  Always maybe, often later, in this summer.

At least I hit my stats, weight, and medicine first thing.  When I am off track, it becomes difficult to keep these things arranged.  Ah, now to feed the girls.  They are patient.  Even with my slipping sleep they have learned to give me a bit of time to acclimate to being conscious again before begging, often as much with their meows as with their tiny, very sharp, mean claws.  Yeah, so I try to reward them as soon as systems are back online enough to do so.  And give them some loving with the food.  Unlike some vegans, I don't nearly murder them with my ideology.  Then again, I'm much more with them than against them.  Still, I don't fry their food, or otherwise cook it.  I'm actually jealous of eating nearly pure raw meat myself.  I do it when I can trust to do it, in the doses I can take, tartare to sashimi, on to ceviche if that isn't actually raw, but even I have limits.  Oh, here are some ideas I had not heard of before in that vein.  Num!  Man, now I'm HUNGRY!  Ah, but better feed the cats before I get eaten alive myself.

Yeah, be well, stay cool, all that other jazz...  Feed girls, eat.  Check.  Yeah, later.

That took...

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Bah.  Let us all say it together.  That took longer than I expected.

Well, the sewing shop ended up taking a very long time.  The automatic bobbin winder was kaput.  He worked with it for quite a bit back in the shop, then a bit more on the floor.  It just didn't work.  He just happened to have a spare.  Le garbage boutique, or some such.  Can't remember how D.C. terms it, too hot and bothered to check right immediately.  I mentioned the notion, he just calls it his boneyard.  Good but uninspired.  No problem, though, he has one, that puts him notches above me.  D.C. wins the prize though.  High class culture all over that redneck white trach system the mech. has going.  Boutique.  Love that.  :)  Jealous, but...

Yeah, that took... hours.  No problem on my side.  He showed me how to run the machine, where to oil, some of it doesn't work, but for basic sewing...  I asked if I needed another machine for things this couldn't do.  He looked at me like a man looks at a man eating ribeye, asking what the best piece of beef is.  Heh.  No, he said I AM sewing with the best.  I love a man who loves his tech, and knows his tech.  Jealous, but...  I think he liked having a man to deal with.  Women are just weird.  When they aren't consciously or unconsciously hitting on a guy, they are complaining, whining, or such.  He liked when something didn't work I just wanted to see how to fix it or break it down further.  Men loves our women, but too much is too much.  And tech... is easier to solve and can be played with more and longer, if good tech without complaints.  Never mind.

I got everything else on my list.  The memory chip was installed before I left the parking lot.  I couldn't find batteries, and doubt if they carry them locally anyway.  Too many different cameras.  Even the camera shop would probably have to order.  Further, chips were more expensive even at Walmart.  I took my first two pictures, of the gear for the drip irrigation, before anything has been connected.  A picture of every piece going in, or potentially.  While buying the end clasps I went ahead and bought a couple other gizmos with which to tinker.  An inline valve, a couple of inline connecters of several sorts as well.  If I have to tinker, I want more of the pieces with which to tinker.  Hmm, didn't get a cutter but I think I have things that will work that way.  Where is my... I know where the bastard sword is, thought the arming dagger is probably sharper.  Just... thinking.

Too late to tinker with much tonight, and I am too hot from being in town all day.  Yeah, but... I did get this part of it done.  I am pleased.  If I can figure out how to get up early tomorrow I will get that system in, or started.  Then I have to hit the weeds.  After a few days of that, then I have to get back to plumbing.  Gah!  Too much, too little time, not moving fast enough, too much else in the queue.  FFS, can't anything just run smoothly for a few weeks?  Ackh!  Later.

Well, we will see.

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Up very late.  I woke several times but could not rise.  Medicine?  I don't know.  I know I have missed in there, and tried to make up for it.  I missed Monday whole.  I'm sort of lost on a desert highway with just enough water, proverbially, to keep going.  I simply know nothing, save forward.  It isn't the meds, the heat, or such, themselves.  It's just the way of it, for now.

I was checking the news and... just to explain how dangerous the heat really is, and it has been hot...  Three people have died while hiking in it in one area, this month.  Probably didn't take enough water, arrogance kissing ignorance and what time is given is then taken.  I will pray for those souls.  That is pretty much what this summer has been, all summer.  Even here, where I am, mostly.  I simply don't go, and if I do I take lots of water.  My guess is if they had taken a couple of extra canteens they would be fine now.  I have to wonder if she didn't want the canteens because the water tastes funny for the canteens most can find or afford?  I've worked my way over that, and quickly, once I found the benefits.  Many don't.  I say that because of previous women I have known.  Wanted only metal, and not aluminum (which is also evil in lib minds), and, and, and... until the only canteens left, if they could be found, were priced out of consideration for more than one.  Yeah, from experience.  Of course, I bought my own, and a Camel-Bak.  I wouldn't go along to get along and while I would share, it was gingerly, grudgingly, with much talk about expenses, reality, and getting over "taste" issues, until she surrendered her notions.  I win!  Doom!  No, fine.  Good game.  No hard feelings.  *Woot!*  I win!

I didn't wake until 14:00 and change.  I did get right to things.  Weight is up eight pounds somehow.  A meal a day?  Dunno.  Could be water.  Even with the water pill I still have to be conscious enough to know to pee.  Sounds common sense but this event precludes common anything.  Go drift in the desert for a week.  If you survive you will begin to understand.  It is of the mind, or in the mind that things are going wrong.  The rest of the stats were good, save blood sugar which is still higher than taking something for it should indicate.  The girls were fed and I took a short trip into the wilds of my garden.  Ugh.  The things that were too wet are coming around, the other things are too dry.  Yeah...

But the short trip gave me something that will get me into town shortly.  First to the sewing machine shop, since I suspect they close early.  Next to find a memory chip or two while looking at what they might have for extra batteries, and finally to pick up end caps for drip irrigation.  First though a shower.

Oh, I know I love my cats, and cats generally.  It seems I love them more and more, and even feral, French even!, cats seem to know how make Doom happy.  I truly despise poodles, and generally the type of chicks that have and cater to them annoy the absolute tolerance out of me.  If there is a dog I would love to eat, it is the poodle.  Especially the pet of one of those upper crusty libtards dumb broads, and right in front of them.  I would offer to share, bring the meat, Doom is more generous than usual.  Them's cats are after my very own soul heart.  Hate those dogs.

Dreams, of a very strange nature, complex events and ideas all presented backwards, though I think correctly.  I can't remember, I just remember being fascinated.  The happenings were intricate, in the vein of the workings of a fine watch, I gained some understandings by seeing them in reverse.  While I can't remember at this point, I think the notions were stored for future use.  It concerns when to alter events so as to attempt to create a varied, perhaps logically chosen, outcome.  I also saw that, sometimes, simply avoiding a specific outcome is enough.  As mortals we get rare chances to affect the world.  We do have to be ready, forewarned, and knowledgeable.  Even then our efforts may come to naught if there are too many others working for said outcome, knowingly or not.  We are all borgs, cogs, pieces of the machine, if few of us are such consciously.  I've always known if I don't always like, or even choose to play my part.  What bothers me are those who neither know or care, and those who know but don't care.  And those who believe all pieces are equal.  All of those are disastrous, unnatural, lead to obvious evil as is easy to see.  Not sure which is worse of the first.  The latter is evil through and through.  Some cogs where meant to not be more than a part player, others...  Or other parts of what they do...  Death comes from ignorance, arrogance, and bliss.  A death beyond the grave.

I have things to do.  Later.

Yeah, no.

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Less than I thought.  Simply couldn't get going.  Hmm, I'll keep working on it.  Worn but not really tired.  Lack of concentration.  I head out to do something and forget before I get there.  Nothing like standing around the kitchen, a foot from the sink, with a blank look on my face.  Grabbing a soda or making an iced coffee, then back to where I came from in the hopes something will make sense.  Yeah, okay.  Now you know why most Yetis don't own homes.  They would just get lost while out and about and forget where their home was.

I'll give it a shot tomorrow.  Probably just to town, and early.  I am completely out of tobacco, something I haven't done in... a year or two, maybe three, now.  Ah well, it is a very potent incentive to get to town.  If I can do that early enough I am hoping to get the drip system installed early, while it is still somewhat cool.

Let me see, the sewing machine, caps for the ends of the 1/2 piping, and a memory chip for the camera.  Maybe two.  I ought to get another battery as well.  Not this month.  Hmm, I wonder if they have a car charger or if it can be charged through a usb port.  Ugh. 

Later, or good night if I can do that.

Not today.

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Hmm, not sure what the problem is, just that there is a problem.  So, things go a little slower for a bit.  I've had much worse.  I am merely taking going to town off the plate for the day.  Tomorrow, most likely.  I am starting to slip on medicines.  I don't think medicine is the problem, it doesn't seem like heat is the problem.  It is just a down time.

Instead of going to town and digging into a half dozen other things I will simply do a few things around here, and more when it cools a bit.  I need to reset the hoses so the yard and garden get watered, I plan to get back to the plumbing problem, and I might get a load of dishes at least soaking and a load or two of laundry going.  The last two I can start even while it is hot.  I've got the cave rigged so that it stays pretty cool to the senses, if it is rather warm in truth, for me.  Feeling cool is good enough considering it says it is 94 here.  Then again, it might honestly be 74, assuming that is the correct temperature, in the cave.  The stonework does wonders that way, and now that I have figured out how to rig the cave to positively cool down at night and the nights have been cool enough, 57 is the low for tonight for example, keeping a 20 degree difference, possibly more, isn't impossible.  Throw in the ac at key points and I am betting with just the window ac I can keep it in the high 60's to low 70's even when it goes over 100 outside.

I can, often, still feel the creep of the outside heat, especially in this, the computer room, more so since I open one of the curtains for the plant pets I still have in here.  I should just take those out and let them sink or swim, so as to keep it buttoned up whole and full in here.  I guess I just like having green stuff and winter will pretty much kill everything.  So I am enjoying what I can, and it doesn't effect the rest of the cave due to this being a stick built portion of my home, adjoining, abutting really, the stone work, so the heat stays out here mostly.

I called my mom, again.  I called her yesterday, just to tell her about the sewing machine, but forgot that part.  No harm, and as long as she isn't too busy I think she likes to talk, be included.  She was absolutely thrilled.  The sewing machine was a gift from her, when I lived in Iowa.  I toted it all the way.  All metal, heavy duty, weighs a ton, paid off.  She knows her machines, if it was a bit of a gamble as well.  I think she will love using it while here as well.

Oh well.

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I know I do what I can.  I don't care what the world thinks.  I couldn't get to bed until after 7:00 and I am just waking at half past noon.  I don't feel bad or good.  I simply am not feeling anything.  And, yeah... only one beer last night so, no.  It's all I was into, usually the way of it.  Tasty though.

Some of my order came in.  One of the things, beside the grill/smoker I ordered (which is currently $100 more than it was since I first put it in my basket AND on backorder!  Gah!) was a camera.  It's a point and click.  We'll see how well it does.  D.C. swears by it but I'm not holding my breath.  And foam was thinking about a new point and click, namely this one.  As a staunch disbeliever in point and clicks, I am the perfect guy to do a review.  If you want an honest review with no smoke blown up your ass for the sake of getting a cut from one of these generally lousy camera companies.  I can't be bribed.

It's a Canon PowerShot SX260 HS.  I guess just a simple name would be too much to ask for, right in the box.  They keep changing the numbers and letters to try to keep anyone from remembering just how bad the one before was.  Then they switch were they sell what so you have no idea if this was supposed to be good or bad if you read reviews somewhere then go into the store, assuming what you reviewed is even available anywhere anymore.  Competitiveness seems to be dead though.  The trick is to attach littler companies to companies that are too big to fail, domestically, in a foreign market, or better yet both.  Don't worry about what's behind the curtains.

First thing, I figured I would need to charge the thing.  I had been almost certain this was supposed to be both battery and rechargeable ready.  Not so much.  Which means this thing will die very quickly on the playa, out in the woods and mountains, especially when it is hot.  Heat eats literal as well to my figurative batteries.  Oh well.  So, I put the rechargeable proprietary piece of junk into the camera, and hit the 'on' button just in case.  She fired right up.  They must actually have at least charge checked the battery.  I doubt more, that might cost a nickel.  Companies would rather have something on the move, out or back, than sit on stock, which is half the reason Q.C. is a dying breed.  Well, and it wouldn't surprise me if government is leaning on them to loosen Q.C., with the broken window theory extender that more shipping is good for business (ignoring all the damage... plus wasted, truly empty, expenditure of dollars).

You didn't think you would get a simple review, did you?  I'm not some bot who just popped out of the oven, then some groupmindthinkschool(s)(tm).  I rejected that aspect of those while I was there while refusing to become some sort of beatnik or druggy or institutional stooge bitter loser academic.  I found my own way, and can explore it since I am not beholding to politics for personal funding right yet.  At least I wasn't broken into the typical clockwork orange quota.  Then again I didn't deserve to be broken.  If they did try anyway.  Back to it.

Okay, so she runs.  But she is so tiny.  Now, admittedly, I have big hands.  They aren't truly giant class, and they are even small for my size, as I have suggested I can (usually) palm a basketball without too much fuss.  But this thing is going to be tricky to keep in my paws.  First thing, the wrist strap was attached.  Dropped the damned thing (if only into my lap while sitting) twice while trying to hook that fish.  Fine, that done, back to it.  I lit it up, focused on my plants.  *click*  Cannot store picture.  Hmm?  Oh, probably a memory card thing.  Yep.  So I dig through the box.  No memory card to be found.  Losers.  Really?  No where in anything I read did I see anything about memory not being there.  I am sure it is there, or now, but in small print somewhere nearly invisible.  I don't even know what memory card it takes, if I am pretty sure where it goes.

When I get that I will continue with the review.  Hmm, I need to pick up the sewing machine, oh and caps for the trickler rows.  I might as well wake a bit then get back into town.  Hmm, before I do that I ought to reschedule a couple of appointments, the one I missed and the one I am going to miss (due to BMan, so hush, I wasn't planning to be rude, just gone).

Later.

Fine, I made it. Empty handed but present.

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It's just been too long since I played to role.  If I had been a little more on the ball today I would have ordered pizzas for delivery.  That simply wasn't the case.  I let them know, in case they didn't, that I was receiving neither phone nor email messages about the meeting times, dates, and places.  The last time I was involved, for several months, the meeting date was moving from day to day, time to time, and even varying in when it was happening in the month.  I see why I didn't get email.  They had the email that requires caps and their compiler didn't set it up that way.  So I gave them my real email, since that other one was purely made for the purposes of the Church and such... a less... aggressive email address.  That just doesn't seem to work well.  Then again, I am not sure I am welcome.  Some of the guys like me, some of them would rather I were dead.  Then again, I don't think they understand about heart conditions.  Most people don't realize how severe that is.  We'll see if they I actually get contacted in the future.

After the meeting I found my way to the hardware store.  I did buy a gripping puncture tool for the 1/2 pipe, another 100' of 1/2 pipe, and a couple of 1/2 spread sprinklers to consider for the official row type crops and corn.  That is what is happening tomorrow.  After the neighbor's son mowed my lawn the sprinklers were not put back in place, so...  I want that done.  I had hoped to do that tonight, whatever I could get done, after the appointment fell through, but then I got the email for the meeting.  Gah!  No, it's funny, mostly.  It's just... when I can keep up there is always a surprise right around the corner. 

I was thinking about something else tonight.  I thought life would improve as I got better.  The problem is I am so far down the hole that when I get better they immediately want me to do physical activity, exercise really.  Which puts me right back to where I was when I was sick, as for free time.  My guess is, as I continue to get better, assuming that as a strong possibility, I will then begin filling in the empty spots with other stuff.  If I get well enough I will then kick it up another notch and head back to college.  Then again, if the physical aspect of getting to college is easy for me, the mental part isn't that bad.  But having to shove through both the physical and the mental at the same time was an absolute bear.  Not that engineering school is easy, and there is a built in preference for foreigners and non-whites in academia so a white, or white looking/sounding, guy has to really push it to get ahead.  Oh, believe it.  Oh to be a black woman.  Then again... hehe... they are promoted out of interesting work back to office work for their uselessness.  So, yeah... no.  Industry does it's best to try to fix what academia fronts.  Which is half of the reason they are moving overseas.  At some point, academia became unstoppable and there aren't enough quota jobs for the types academia puts out.  Most of which shouldn't even be employed by the lackluster government jobs available to them.  But, that's what is left, until the government sinks itself with all those quotas.  Detroit, here we come!

Never mind...  The thing is, if I become truly healthy, due to the nature of how I work, I will end up with far less time for myself and my own little hobbies.  Oh, I would miss it, if it happened.  I have to think even Jackie Paper looks back, from time to time, on his lost friend.  Right now all I have is my dragon friend, this blog, my girls, and some odd jobs when I can stand long enough to get to them.  More is less, innit?  Yeah, and I would happily take it. 

Later.

Yeah, another slow day, but...

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I received both an email and a phone call.  So, I will be making the meeting tonight.  I've just been slogging through.  I need to get a shower in, figure some things out, head to town for a few things before, then probably after the meeting, and go to the meeting.  It's a lot, for today.  I don't know what is causing the problem.  Medicines are going in, sleep is happening, I've even added ac to keep sleep right.  Just a few days of that, so maybe I am recovering from the heat.   Either that or I am simply into, as I suggested, a minor down time.  I know those will happen.  If I had to guess I would say even those who are healthy go through these.

I'm feeling good.  At least there is that.  No pains, the oversleep aches go away quickly.  I am strong, perhaps even have more stamina.  That is improving.  I can't complain, give everything and my past.  This is as good as I have ever done since first becoming ill.  I suppose I just... well... I'm trying to compare what was with what could be and that isn't possible.  Age has taken a bite all by itself.  Actually, on the face of things, I am probably doing good FOR my age alone.  I can't guarantee it, but... with a few givens and the reality of things, yeah... probably not too badly.  Still, that isn't enough.  It's never enough.  It could be worse.  And, yeah, I've thought about it.

Well, on to a shower and such.  The nice thing about a men's group is I don't fuss so much about my face fur.  For my own part, I don't shave.  I trim the whiskers back a bit.  And that is good enough for other men.  It's just in events with mixed company that I... prefer to shave when I have the forethought and time.  I'm only MOSTLY dead.  *sly grins*  Yep, just beat back the whiskers a bit for tonight.  And glad of it.  Mixed is fine, singular is fine to, in their times.  Although a little more singular with a female type wouldn't hurt my feelings at all.  I'll eventually work on it.

Later.

Ouch.

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The appointment didn't happen today.  I had several alarms set, went to bed at a reasonable time, even woke a few times before the time.  I simply couldn't stay awake.  I have no idea why, but I slept until 12:30.  I'm actually a bit sore from oversleeping.  I simply could not stay awake.  I reset the alarm once.  I don't remember it going off again.  I don't remember the other alarm.  I don't remember much.  I simply could not become conscious and stay that way.  I'll have to reset the appointment. 

I suppose I will try to figure out some things today.  I might be awake now, but I'm not thinking well at all.  I did not see that coming.  Whatever.  Later.

Too hot?

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I am just dragging through the days.  Of course, much of what I want to do is tied up.  I am waiting on this information, or that tool, or an appointment that I am going to have to concentrate to make.  I couldn't find a hinge.  Sure, I could use leather, rubber, or such, but that breaks down quickly and...  No, I'll just buy a tool for that tomorrow while I am out.  Everything is sort of up in the air on many things and projects.  Plus, it just seemed too hot to get to anything today.  Medicine has been going down on time and well, so it isn't that.  Must just be the heat and my inability to deal with it.  Or a mild low.

Tomorrow an appointment.  At least it isn't first thing in the morning.  It is fasting, but as I have mentioned, that isn't a problem.  I will be asking for a slight change in medication.  It might or might not go through.  I am hoping my doctor trusts me enough to try to mess with this.  It is difficult to keep on track, with the medical community.  It requires monthly visits, which is a pain even when the visit is close.  An hour drive, and with my condition, and hitting it just on time... is a trick.  I can focus a few times every three months, but regular appointments are difficult.  Either I don't see them coming or see them but I can't do a thing about it.  Still, it would be worth the risk, on my part.

There is a meeting tomorrow.  The first one I have been invited to attend in some time.  I haven't been receiving emails or phone calls.  I've been too busy to try to figure out the problem, and actually did mention it a time or two.  It may simply be that I am not welcome.  Which is fine.  So be it.  Whether I go tomorrow or not depends on if I have any gumption left after the trip.  That may not be possible.  My friend decided not to go with.  He seemed worried that this would upset me.  Not a bit.  Since he is in a wheel chair, he is more difficult to take along.  And trying to do double duty isn't fun either, an appointment then visiting a bunch of stores.  Still, it would have saved me a lot of money.  He'll just have to cover the cost, then we can go when he wants.  Well, his part of it. 

It is just 23:00 and I am ready for bed.  I even took a nap in the early afternoon.  I dreamed of eating a hamburger, something vague about sex but not sex itself, and that song Bound for Glory from the other day was playing in the background.  It wasn't environmental music, it was more like a music track over the scenes, like a narrator... just in there but not related to the pictures.  I don't remember details this time, just those general notions and the hamburger.  Got one for dinner, too, with an egg on it.  *grins*

Good night.

New day.

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I wondered about something.  As things heated up for the summer I changed some habits.  Rigging my home for the heat requires a few things.  Being half stone, and much more really by mass, my home can be trimmed to deal with the heat.  During the day everything gets closed up, locked down, and shaded.  As soon as the outside temps are cooler than the inside temps, just the opposite.  I have roughly figured out how to get the fans pointed in the right directions at the right times to help this all work.  Because of the stonework, if done properly, the inside temps remain 15-20 degrees cooler than the day temps.  Without air conditioning of any kind.

Additionally, in the last few days to week, I was turning my ac on, but just the fan, which brought in night air.  Oddly, I think that doesn't work for me.  I need it cooler to sleep well.  So, the ac was set to keep cooling while I slept last night and that saw me up by 9:00, or so, even with a rather late night.  Yes, I do think regardless of how I feel, regarding the heat, I simply need cooling through the night to sleep and wake well.  I'm just not a heat tolerant type.  I used to suggest that I was allergic to heat.  I have learned some tolerance, but not as much as I had hoped.

Today?  When I wake I will be hitting the plumbing.  I am hoping the pipes have drained and dried enough that I can debraze them.  Then probably, or maybe, working on the trickler system.  I'll do what I can.  I received a call, which went to message, saying the sewing machine is fixed and ready for pickup.  I'll grab her on the way back from my appointment tomorrow.  Oh, right, fasting.  I have to have nothing but water or black coffee from midnight until the blood tests tomorrow, though I can take my medicines.  Yum!  Then again I rarely eat breakfast.  One meal a day, when and if I can get it, need it or not.  Not exactly a motto, just a fact. 

A bit tired though.  I'm not quite used to being up this early.  It seems like only a few days ago when I was getting up at 8:00 or earlier regularly, but that has probably been a week or more, coinciding just about perfectly with when I started using the ac as a simple fan.  Waking just a few hours earlier can throw me.  I'll probably be taking a nap around noon, a short one.  It's a good time for a nap, and cool down, anyway.  Strong, in some ways, as I am, and more, becoming I am still as fragile as egg shells in some ways.  My heart may eventually be fully healed, and I think it is getting there, but it isn't today.  Unlike the saying with regards to Rome, the damage was probably done in nearly a day.  It is just that the reverse isn't possible, or... not this late in the game.  I guess I will never know what could have been if doctors had been more awake than me.  At least I had an excuse.

Later.

A bit of research right before bedtime.

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Looking over my garden, I keep noting a few things that bother me.  The first is that some of my pepper plants have slight yellowing on a few leaves.  I suspect, somehow, they are being overwatered.  The problem is they sit right between other pepper plants that show no such signs.  Some plants are bigger, some of them are smaller, so that isn't it.  A quick check and of the possibilities open, it looks like overwatering really is the culprit.  Perhaps the soil varies, some being more clay, some being more sandy.  Or it's just an odd part of the chance from the variances in the sprinkler.  Drip irrigation will fix that. 

The other thing is that a few of my tomatoes are curling their leaves.  The best explanation I have seen for this is that it is overwatering, slightly, again, as well.  It seems that when a tomato plant goes from inside/planter to outside, with the sun and water of spring, it can grow it's leaves in excess of it's root system.  To try to compensate it lets the leaves go while focusing on roots.  It's not a bad thing, a little less watering would help it do that more quickly, or so it was suggested.  Yeah, I best get the system in place and working sooner than not.  I bought variable emitters so if a few plants need a little less while the rest are fine, I can do that.

Hmm, and I need to get fertilizer going.  I will read about that tonight before sleeping.  If all looks good, tomorrow, between tinkering with the plumbing again, I may apply some of the fertilizers.  From brazing torch to the sun, tomorrow will be a hot one.  Either that or I may begin setting up the trickle irrigation system.  Dunno... Something.

Good night.

Hmm, well, one thing works while revealing another problem.

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The soldering worked up to the connection, the connection worked, but one piece of brazing failed beyond the connector flexible pipe.  I tried to solder the joint again, but that failed.  I tore the plumbing down as well as I could then tried to desolder the joint.  No chance.  Lots of steam though.  I turned on the water outlets to no good effect.  So I just have to wait for it all to dry out well enough for me to braze/desolder further. 

When dinner arrived, I asked about taking over driving.  With only four weeks left of it, not this year.  But next year is possible.  I would be required to become certified in pesticides though.  Yeah, I suspect I can do that.  I just hope the course or testing is available in the winter, when it would be easier to manage.  And I have to test out every three years.  Not a problem. 

Hmm, might try to create a tool to pierce the hose.  I just need to know the nail size and check to see if I have it.  I know I have files in case the nail needs sharpened.  A bench grinder would be preferable, but for now hand files should work.  I should have gotten to the watering system but... yeah.  Just not moving fast or thinking well tonight.  It's just too warm, or something.

I've been taking medicines and stats well.  Like clockwork really.  My weight is slowing coming back down.  My blood sugar has gone up.  It is now 20-30 points higher than when I started, if I continue to increase the dose of medicine for it.  I'm just a bit surprised at the slow pace of the desired effect. 

As for spending?  I am holding back on most things.  I will go forward with the grill/smoker.  And I will probably order the shade bits D.C. wanted.  But until we have a minor conference to see what we really need... but even more, until his shakeout cruise comes back successful, I will hold off on other spending.  Simply put, if we have to go light but functional, that is the way it must be.  I'll know more, soon.  Everything is perpetually on hold, isn't it?  Right until the mad rush to try to get everything done in a hurry.  It wasn't, as I see now, a military reality.  It is simply reality.  Hurry and wait, until you have to hurry.  Then, again, wait, until hurrying is required.  Bleh.

Later.

Simply too hot?

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Not exactly sure.  Getting going just simply isn't happening.  I will be testing the water shortly, looking for leaks, assuming the pipe even holds.  It says it is only in the 90's again today.  To me it feels a great deal warmer, more like the 100's.  The dow point is only 26, so that isn't it.  Hot and burdened... sluggish, tired, and just a bit grumpy.  Mood music?  Well, you did ask for it.  It's a bit freaky deaky.  Look at the lyrics, listen while doing so, then watch... give it a chance.  If you still can't take it, cool.  Just don't be a baby.  :p  Not typically my thing but it seems to fit the day, last few days... with the heat and melty feel of life and mind.  Actually... it is good if you can take the time to... handle it.  Darkly artistic, anyway.

Down late, awake even later.

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Yeah, whatever.  I really have been pushing, then I took a break.  I think there is a trick in there.  I had no choice about taking some time off.  Even God took Sunday, and gave it to us, for a reason.  He may not have needed it but we do.  The trick?  After catching my wind if I don't find a way in to getting back at things, my inactivity will kick my legs out from under me.  Or, that is what I am beginning to believe.  Now my part of handling this new trick?  I have to figure out when I have had enough of a rest.  There is no book written on the topic that is worth the ink or even the paper on which it was written.  If I am a man I am like few others.  I don't seem to have found an analog, someone that tracks like I do.  I honestly should be dead, just from my heart problems and no treatment for two decades.  So, how do you begin to figure things out by finding someone else who has done that, and isn't in a nursing home or hospital, or essentially receiving complete daily care from a wife, obviously discounting everyone who succumbed and are in the dirt?  It just doesn't make sense, so I am having to write my own book.  Thing is, only because of treatment am I even able to remember things long enough to start figure things out, like this trick.  So, essentially, I am starting from scratch.

So, today?  I guess I begin testing whether I can push through, how far, and how well.  Or whether it isn't quite time.  I did reconnect the pipes and the crossover hose, sealing with plumber's paste, in the hopes that will hold for a water test, to see if the brazing really did hold.  If the flexible connector pipe doesn't hold again I might have another trick up my sleeve...  caps or valves that screw on, that can act as stoppers, assuming I can get those to seal.  Bleh.  Everything is waiting on testing the water tight nature of my brazing work.  Every test that fails requires a tear-down, then some drying time, actually enough time for the plumber's goop to dry now.  I get lost in the drying time, though. That takes 8 to 12 hours, technically.  And that kind of wait can throw me off the task track.

Depending on how that goes, if I have to take it down and let things dry I may attempt to set up the drip lines.  If the water holds I will then install the toilet.  Take a break.  Then figure out the electrical.  Then if I get that done and still have energy remaining, then begin working on drip lines.  Dunno...  I'll find out in an hour or so, after I wake a bit more fully.  Not sure why I am sleeping so long.  Maybe I simply still need it, but just as likely maybe I have the juice back but am not fully utilizing it which makes getting to sleep difficult which then aggravates the quality of sleep.  Bleh.  Working on it.  Making it up as I go, I suspect, but not without some keen observational skills, a powerful interest in overcoming the deficiency, and as much will power as I can muster for occasional pushes through the dead stuff.  Later.

Oh, so Rafael thinks my notions of the rain forest will work for the bayou?  Well, then, I can probably do that.  It or they won't be pretty.  It was in those places that I lost some of the most essential pieces of me, and on this I hold grudges, hard.  Still... I'll... cut around the hate and mean and write something edible.  Urhm, on one of my breaks, before long.  Hush, it's what I've got.