So far so good.

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I didn't sleep until 3:00.  Since I had dinner, and wanted corn, I had to sort of jog through the food in my stomach.  I didn't do really well.  Still, I got the corn going.  I actually had miscounted the number of ears in one bag.  I only had ten in the one I used.  As it turns out, that was fine, I couldn't even eat all of those.  I ended up eating six, which isn't bad.  Yes, yes, as is customary with the first large batch of corn done by and for myself on any given year, I burned the top of my mouth.  It seemed okay, until later.  It's not as bad of a burn as it usually is, just a mild doughy tenderness.  I am not having to deal with... cooked meat.  Yes, that and pizza.  I can only assume the top of my mouth is not as sensitive to heat as it should be.  Still, this is much better than usual.  I may have the four remaining ears this morning.  I am not sure how to reheat.  I don't trust microwaves, for some things.  I may just boil water, put these in that once it's boiling, turn off the heat, and give them ten minutes to warm?  Yeah.

I have a bit of business to work through this morning... day.  It's almost afternoon.  I am almost sure I won't get to a thing until afternoon.  I did transfer one kefir container out.  Which gives me a gallon and a quarter to half.  The remainder will tank me off.  It seems to last fairly well in the fridge.  If not I'll just have to change it out.  I am doing fairly well with culture farming, always having some going.  I never tried sourdough because it sounded too fussy.  Well, and I don't make bread often enough.  My next big project is a wheat grinder, so I might consider that.  Though, from what I have heard, grinding wheat by hand, even with a good machine, is a bit of a beast.  The little ones make it easy, but you don't get much flour for your time.  Something I need to look into before I get that, I suppose, are a set of screens by which to separate good from fluff between grinds.  I won't be grinding from berry to flour in one pass, two at least.  I'm not sure about other types of flour, such as rice.  That would be interesting.  I've avoided that because of the cost and unfamiliarity.  Just... thinking.

After business, and corn, I am still hoping to hit the kitchen.  I'll know more later.  It's a good day, everything is doing well, I just can't seem to get the machine kicked into gear lately.  I will push today.  Push, push, push.  Later.

A few minor things in town.

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I had to push through to get a shower.  I called my bank to see what time they closed, sort of as incentive.  I couldn't make the main, but the drive up was still open with decent room.  Of course, my banking didn't go quite as well as planned.  No worries.  They aren't open until Monday, a reason to get in.  I called my friend, but he was just sitting down to dinner.  A cornish game hen... sounded good.  The heat, there, is getting to him.  It's not too awful where I am, but in the city it is always worse.  Even as small, in truth, as Logan is, it is large enough to become a heat magnet and retainer.  Add in vehicles, industry, electric, concrete and pavement, buildings, and the rest and... a few square miles becomes somewhat hellish.  Wait until there is a grid-down.  If nothing else we are due for an earthquake.  Yeah, cheery bastard, ain't I?  Should earn me a kiss.  Thing is, if I get one, it will probably be with a crow... bar.  Just piss me off, you know. 

After partial banking and failure to friend, I headed over to the grocery store.  Just a few things.  Milk, for kefir.  I still drink some of that, though more milk than kefir for obvious reasons.  Oddly, milk doesn't mess with my blood sugar, pretty much, at all.  The time the 12~14 ounces of kefir raised my number from 180 to 253?  When I had a meal shortly thereafter, then measured my blood sugar at a small drop?  I had a quart of milk with the meal.  Yeah, I'm a heavy drinker, whatever I drink.  Not just libations.  If we are ever hiking in the desert, and I keel over?  Cut me open for the water pack.  :p  Everyday is hump day!  Never mind.

I did notice local sweet corn.  Oh, sure, I'm prejudiced toward Iowa corn.  And yet I was quite surprised, and impressed, by beef and corn and pork right here.  Utah is NOT Iowa, but it IS ag.  And they are very good at it.  Now, sure, you can grow more, faster, easier, in Iowa.  But it isn't better.  And, I think with the mountain pastures, and some other things, Utah might have the edge on beef, if production isn't as easy to scale.  That... isn't always a bad thing.  Just in case you wanted to know what an Iowa boy thinks of Utah ag.  In modern terms, thumbs up.  In ancient Greek terms, thumbs down.  I mean... worth every penny here, and just as good.  Remember, I have no tribes, so no need to fib, justify, bow to family, or any such things.  Good is good, and I am picky... but honest.

So, later tonight, I will probably cook a dozen ears of corn and call it good.  I have another dozen to go, for tomorrow.  I may look up how to freeze corn, or just call my mom.  She knows all this stuff.  I've asked her before, and she has told me, but I forgot.  I might, if it seems easy enough, get into town and buy... eight dozen, at least seven for freezing.  I might even freeze some of it one way, some of it another, to compare.  Hopefully, if that goes well, I can do another batch before the summer is out.  Love me some corn.  I used to be able to eat that, alone, for a meal a day in the summers.  A dozen ears, if I could get away with it.  It would be great if I could get some of that laid up for winter.  Only took me all my life to get to a place where I am figuring some of this ant versus grasshopper stuff out.  Ants are boring, but got it going in the cold and heat. 

Later.

Beastly morning.

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I had beer last night, but not enough for this.  Just two... cups.  If you were a hundred pounder, male, that would be like three to four beers over the night.  Probably more like three, because the increased tolerance by mass isn't linear.  No, I think I just slept wrong.  I couldn't get my pillow right, it bothered a bit enough that I woke to work on it several times last night.  An unusual thing.  I am never sure, on such nights, if it is the pillow I can't get right, or something is just out with my back or neck.  I woke to a really solid headache.  No migraine, thankfully.  I can work through almost any headaches, and most migraines.  So this isn't a huge thing.

A shower, shortly, then perhaps sometime, after drying and air drying... I really should have been a dog... I'll get to town.  I really need milk, cream, and might have a fast food meal.  Hmm, where to go.  LaRaza burgers are out, emo is out though if they would go full goth I might stop in, theft central is out...  Ah, right.  I know where to go.  They don't have burgers or fries, but will do.  I guess my choices are down to restaurants or sandwiches.  *shrug*

At least this time, even in the dregs of life for whatever reason, actually several of them probably, I didn't just let medicine slide.  I took the last doses from my medicine sets yesterday.  Sometimes I really can't set up the meds again, sometimes I just get... stubborn.  Two or three days, or weeks, might go by before I get to it again.  The CoQ10 is really helping, if I had to bet.  I can take much less of the main heart medicine and still keep the stats the docs want.  I would guess the medical industrial complex can't get rich off the stuff so don't even whisper about it.  It has helped, at quarter doses of the other stuff, to keep my bp in the 130/100 range.  High, sure, but beats 216/180, or even 150/120 but on doses of the main stuff that aren't sustainable.  I just jumped from 50 to 100 mg bid, which might lower that even more. 

I started out cautiously with the new stuff.  At this time, CoQ10 is the only thing that remains of the trial stuff.  One seemed useless, one I may just have lost track of (or was it spiking blood sugar), on and on.  I'm still a bit on the fence about vitamins and supplements.  Sure, they can work, if you get what you are supposed to be getting, and without additives that you don't, or shouldn't, take.  The Western world is bad about those things, with supplements, China might be downright out to get us.  And they can change at a moment's notice.  Of course, what I can tell from medicines, they are doing that with those too.  Every other script for every other medicine seems to look different than I have ever seen it.  They say it's "all the same", but it's not.  They often work quite differently, and that might or might not make a huge difference.  No complaints here, so far, that way.  But it is expected at some point.

Still, with medicines set up, and morning meds taken, a bit of coffee going down, and painkillers in just a bit as this headache is annoying if nothing else, I should get off to a minor good day.  I can't do much for work.  Just blasted for whatever reason.  I was actually hoping that tipping some suds might rest the score.  No such luck.  Though I think, for that to work, I have to drink... a bit more.  I just didn't have the thirst last night.  Well... Later.

Lots of dreaming lately.

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The dream last night was sort of simple.  I was an office worker in Big City, USA.  It was a Monday morning, I think.  I had a bit of a hangover.  Sunday wasn't a usual drink night.  Once in a while, an old friend, or current one, would pop in but only have the one night.  And, while talking, having a meal, or such, sometimes a few drinks were enjoyed.  Sometimes more than a few.  So it was.  I think it was a local friend, but one who had been busy for a while and just wanted to stop in and catch up before work buried him again.  His cousin was an on and off gal for me, but... we just didn't talk about that.

Now, beside work, I was also taking college or professional courses.  They were mixed into my day, somehow.  The first hour of Monday was a class.  The class, the first one, and three times a week for this one, was held in my office.  Those taking it didn't all work there.  Those who did work there would come in after the class, then business would begin.  It wasn't that way with all my classes, just this one.  I just had to arrive an hour early, really.

I had my .45 with.  I always carried.  Wearing a suit made that really easy for me.  I was listening to a tune as I was driving in.  Some pop tune that really caught me by surprise.  Most pop singers, really, most singers except opera, I consider mere entertainment.  Singers can hit a tune, and match that with instruments, and it's entertaining.  But a serious check would show that the skill level isn't so great.  Worse, if you hear many of these folks live, the quality really drops.  Still, this one was special.  Probably just in the studio, but this guy... just something special.

As I arrived, parked, and headed in, I remembered hearing that today was going to be something different in class.  I couldn't, however, for the life of me, remember what had been said.  Something, something, and something.  Teach was hot.  I could focus in class, when she was speaking, but once class was over, and I let go, I couldn't think of anything but that hot body and pleasant face.  Blah bleh goo rah bam.  Oh ay?  Sure!  You forgot to erase the chalkboard.  Oh, yeah, my favorite part of class.  Dog?  Maybe, but I wasn't the only one.  I don't even think she knew, but some of the women in the class did.  "Pigs"!  Oink.  *wink*

As it turns out, they were having a local radio station broadcast from our class.  Some sort of publicity stunt for all the folk involved.  Cool, though probably nothing big.  As the show started up, some guy came in, with a guitar strapped on.  I was sort of intrigued by the gear, the crew and how that all worked, didn't know who the dude with the guitar was, perhaps one of the crew for all I knew.  Right at the hour, they started up.  An interesting experience to be a party to a live radio broadcast.  Other than not talking, we were plainly allowed to laugh or otherwise reasonably react to the programming.

They started with introductions, ran a few ads while they were setting up, adjusting this and that, and finally on to the show.  The guy with the guitar ended up being the singer of that tune that had so surprised me and captured my attention.  I just knew this was going to be an horrible hour.  The last live performances I had attended where huge letdowns.  How much they could do in a studio must be impressive.  Which meant most music was McMusic.  Bleh.

Not so, in this case.  This guy wasn't as good as studio recordings, he was better.  He did his main recent hit, then a few others, interspersed with talk, ads, and another guest who was setting up tours.  I really got into the show.  I wasn't alone.  As the show went on, things loosened up, and heated up a bit.  I had taken off my suitcoat and was kicked back.  At the end, the singer stayed around to sign autographs.  I.. in the dream and real life, am very hesitant to ask.  Because I don't like to trouble people and because most people really don't impress me.  You hear the backstory on a lot of these peoples' lives, and you realize an autograph from them is... a little corruption... in many ways.  Still, I guess in the mood from the small setting show I went ahead.  I waited until all other seekers had finished, only one other remained, before approaching.

"What do you want?", he asked.  Sort of struck me, almost mean?  I just told him I wanted an autograph.  He had just asked the guy ahead of me, it seems.  We both wanted the same.  "Paper", he said, then "Pen, too".  Both of us began scavenging for what he wanted like idiots.  All we could find was some odd office paper, used for requisition or something.  Preprinted, with spaces for numbers, initials, signature(s) and date(s).  And a pen was found somewhere.  Talk about feeling like a clot.  The other guy was numb, didn't seem to know or care about feeling foolish, or just didn't understand?  Anyway...  He filled out the other guy's paper, then did another.  Perhaps he was getting autographs for someone else.  The autograph he gave, both of them, to the guy ahead of me, was really odd.  It's like he partially filled in the requisition.  Four or five lines had two letters, then one line seemed to have what might be initials.  That was it.  Anyway, I figured he'd do the same to me, maybe his trademark?  Nope.  "Name"?  I told him.  He said something pleasant, and looked back at my suitcoat.  Beside it, my .45.  It seems to have slipped out... weird.

I was a bit nervous.  Lots of these star types seem heavy anti's.  And this guy looked a little jumpy.  I went and grabbed the pistol, tucked it in place, and put on my jacket, then returned.  He had just watched the whole time, with a look that was somewhere between numb and shocked.  When I returned to him, hoping he hadn't frozen or... changed his mind, he returned to normal, even offering a mild friendly smile, without any comment or other negative sensation.  Then he filled it out... "To my good friend, ~my name~.  Your friend ~So-andWhositz~".  We actually ended up hanging out.  I found him to be an acceptable human being and friend.  Didn't like it, at first, when he started dating my sister, but felt great relief when they married before the first child was even conceived.

Some dreams are just... strange, but so normal.  Normal, I think, to me, is extremely strange?  Yeah.  Later.

Sometimes in dreams.

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Sometimes the darkness or light, or mix, comes in daydreams or simply in conscious thought.  An invasion so intimate I can do no more than manage.  Setting some things, at some times, aside is not possible.  Odd dreams lately, but the last few days, eating more and more of my time, another set of considerations.  Perhaps because I realize the times are very close, as possibilities, again.

Nothing doing.

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Nothing is bad.  Nothing hurts.  Food and medicine have been going down regularly, if I have been eating less.  It actually seems cool lately.  I simply don't seem to be able to to initiate function.  As I said, I think it is simply a health bump.  When everything else is accounted, that leaves the unknown.  On the very good side?  Often when I fall ill, something else is going wrong... I am missing my meds, or not eating, or sleep is off or too on.  That I am tending all of those other things is... a next step beyond what I have known to this point.  It means even when ill I know longer have to slip, or so far. 

Sure, the cave is getting messy.  But most all else is being handled.  I am actually even keeping up on domestics in a smaller way, just not neatness.  Dishes are pretty much caught up.  Laundry, other than some needing folded or otherwise arranged, is clean about as much as is reasonable.  Food preps for the week are done.  I will need to do a bit of grocery shopping soon, but am mostly rather well caught up in that area.  It's just the fast perishables that are needed, and at this point only low even, not out.

Even with it being cool, high summer is just a different time.  Perhaps that is just the way it goes?  Maybe heat is only a part of it?  Most of the places I have lived have had seasonal extremes at this time of this season.  Perhaps it has simply become ingrained?  Never can tell.  I just know that, for what else might be off, most things that would be off with it, are doing well.  Sleep is starting to go sideways.  Though, as I have suggested, that is no longer a problem.  I seem to work through that as need be, and get back to days more surely, if I just work through the time I am awake... when I am able to get back to work.

Have a good hump day anyway.  I am still hoping to push on and get to some work today.  If not, then tomorrow.  I'll keep pushing until I get work down or fall apart from the effort of pushing just on it's own.  After a break from that, if need be, I'll just... get back at it... when I can.  Later.

Interesting.

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No, I didn't get to much.  I am about to go on to bed, so I won't be doing anything today.  Some days that is just the way it goes.

I have been watching the world economy, and bits here and there.  Apple Inc. dropped 7%.  Sales in China rose, just not nearly enough.  I do believe they thought they would self-fulfill each other's prophecy.  If not the way they planned, I think they will.  Actually, that is what is going wrong with much of the world financials.  Aside from the war of economic attrition, governments and companies got big enough that they believed they could simply recreate economic reality.  Angels, demons, nephilim, and many men have tried this before.  It would be like building something so large that it creates it's own weather patterns.  The thing is, that only lasts as long as the structure stands.  Something that large, economic, political, social, or physical, is a beast to maintain long, and will always fail.  That is what you are seeing.

How soon, how fast, how hard, those are the questions.  Not if.  It isn't about them, or us, or you, or me, or... it's everybody.  We bought into it because it... was easy.  The low guys on the totem pole, at least the ones with something worth taking, have been hit first.  Governments and businesses are sucking the middle class dry trying to stave off reality.  The rich are getting richer, but that money, even that gold, won't do them a bit of good.  Properties are going to, in the end, cost more than they could possibly provide.  Who cares if you have a $billion in a dozen, hundred, thousand properties if no one can afford them, if you lose money just maintaining them and paying taxes?

As I have suggested, in the end, the lower middle class will be least affected.  It will be the truly rich who realize they have lost everything, relatively.  The very poor will be hurt, they depend on every strata above them, and right as those upper spheres of wealth are going dry, they have also lost patience with parasites.  Which might even include me.  When the mob comes, it doesn't think all that well... something about the weakest link.  And... I do have a way with the crowd.  *wink*

I really need to figure a few things out, crack down on amping up, and figure a way out.  I had thought two to three years before I really needed to go.  I think I need to crack on that.  Ready or not, I need to get ready to split as soon as possible, and be willing to pull out quickly.  I don't have a bugout location, though it may not be as much about that as I had thought anyway.  Politics is vying as a chief danger.  Yeah, I best get some things arranged, and be ready.  It's a tricky thing.  The time may be approaching much more quickly than anticipated.

I can't swear Alaska is the place, or where else.  I will use Alaska as a term for getting out though, for now, and probably until I do go, wherever it is I end up.  Good night.

Good morning.

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Good morning my...  It's past noon.  Not going to bed until after midnight, then waking to write out the dream and having to come down from that to sleep again, I am waking in early afternoon.  Perhaps my days and nights are about to twist, or this is just an off day.  Won't matter, actually.  I have learned to work when I can, day or night, so the limits on a night life are less.  It seems, when I used to try to push for days, it was much more difficult both to get back to them or do anything productive while pushing.  A waste of effort.  So I don't worry.  And, usually, I find myself back to days much more certainly, and for longer spells as time goes on.  I'll deal, one way or the other.

Today?  No clue.  I'm rested, in one sense, but still a bit zapped.  The kitchen is my sole focus for work from now until I finish.  So... hopefully... through the day, as I wake and begin to function, as I see things I will begin doing them.  With most of the boxes broken down that I wanted out, just some packing and a few more keeper boxes to tend...  But the kitchen is such a mess that, again, I am not sure where to start.  And I still have some furniture in there.  Maybe, actually, I will start with that.  I might well have to move it back when I get back to the living room, but... hush!  Don't even now we talk about more future work on top of work I am having trouble doing today, innit. 

Well, that is the goal.  At least I have some food for this morning.  I have reset another jug of kefir.  It is going much more slowly now, so there isn't as much of a rush.  I had a bit more than four ounces to day, due to having to reset a jug, thus clear out one of the culture pints for that.  I have one more culture pint going.  I still have one backup in the fridge and one, half empty half gallon of kefir.  It's a bit of a juggling act.  I would advise having at least two backups, when that is possible.  I can make another backup when the half gallon "brewing" is finished later today, and begin another half gallon as well.  When that finishes I will revert the remnants back to culture keepers, having three of each.  I keep the culture keepers in the fridge, with a bit of milk, in pint jars, until the last half gallon gets to half.  Juggling, like I said.  But it works quite well.  Generally I only, now, consume it in four ounce cups, but once in a while, I hit a 16 ounce cup up, then down it.  Love that stuff.

Hmm...  Oh, right.  COFFEE!  Yeah, that might help.  Good day and later.

Crazy dream.

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I was doing the circuits at my second or third Big Base city.  I would go to about ten different regular bars.  Depending on the night, my mood, whatever else.  Punk, Rock, Navy/Marine/.mil were my usual haunts.  I did drink heavy, from time to time, but not regularly... but either lived close or had a ride lined up or had decided to get lucky that night.  Pretty much the way it was back in the day, when I was in port, which was most of my Navy life, give or take.  Just the one, and nearly a second sub duty, and... maybe little stints away for this and that, but mostly at some base with a lot of operational freedom.

In the bar I visited that night was a guy trying to egg some dame into a ledge bet.  In the bet, she had to stay on the ledge, and survive, for a specific amount of time, to win a portion of the proceeds from the door.  A fall was certain death, as was the lion if he got to her.  There were ways to avoid, and dodge, but it would take a supremely athletic, lithe, and very sharp person to utilize those things.  I came in, saw what was going on, and sided immediately with her not doing it.  Death, I told her.  Certain death.  Knew the girl a bit, she didn't have it in her, trust me.  Still, the guy kept egging.

I didn't want her to do it.  Like I said, I liked her.  Like I said, I knew just how acrobatic and athletic she was.  And I knew she wouldn't make it.  I had seen many try.  And I saw what was left of most of them.  Sure, some douche, I wouldn't care.  She wasn't flushworthy.  Not quite my style, but a good "kiddo".  

Eventually, after several times of this, and the gal really considering it, I told the guy egging her on what to wear the next time he was in, on a bet.  I had a way with people anyway.  He did that, and wore what I told him to wear... a slightly feminine outfit, though not quite clearly gay or other weird.  And, in front of the dame, and others who had been party to the double sided event of helping her decide, I told him that if she did it, and died, I would rip his junk off, tossing the jewels, but would get him to the hospital in time that they could fix him up as a her.

At first he thought I was joking.  He serioused up a bit when, from the look on the faces of those around, he realized I wasn't joking.  First he became a bit angry, but a bit frightened too.  Eventually fright became prime, with anger and a sense of insult following.  Then, and he was a bit effeminate (not gay, or cross, I don't think, though the bet had him dressing that way a bit), because of the way I had him dress for the night on a dare and some of the nature of the threat, he tried to suggest I would say, or do, such a thing only because I wanted him, at least as a woman.  We all laughed, even he, until he realized we were laughing at him.  I always had a way with the crowd.

I told it to him straight.  I had my choice of women.  In this bar and the others I visited.  I was straight as an arrow, never touched a cross, a gay, or a trans before or after (no man interested me) .  If they annoyed too much, I just teased them to tears.  With real women, I rarely "dated" (took home) the same one twice.  Yeah, a rat bastard.  Didn't tell him why, mind you.  Lost a right one and child and just didn't care anymore, certainly wasn't going to get stung like that again.  So I just... dabbled.  But I dabbled at my leisure, and only with real women.  The world was my flock of hens.  And, yeah, I really did have it that down.

As far as women were concerned, if I was gay, I was as gay as a hundred dollar bill.  So long as they could bank it, they would take me on any given day, twice on Sundays.  I remind, I was not a Christian at that time.  Zen probably at the "time" of the dream.  Not even a good Zen, to be honest.  Some things transfer from and to all other religions.  *grins*  Anyway...  I would walk into bars.  And while only some of the girls knew my name, they knew me.  "Him", might be heard, and exactly as you'd expect from a hateful bitch.  And yet, if I siddled up to that table of women sometime I would be welcomed as if a star.  Sometimes I'd see a drink I liked, a gal I was about to make a play on, or one that I was curious about... I would just take it.  Women didn't care, some nerd would just send them another.  Might get peeved at me if the guy who sent it was watching me gulp down some of their spending money, wondering how I dared, but doing no more about it than the women, if enjoying it far less.  Yeah, I really was a guy you wouldn't have liked.  I think I've mentioned that.  Oh, and I never bought a woman a drink.  I might share some of mine, if I really liked her... for that while.  Just a sip, mind you.

Even so, it wasn't every night I took a woman home, or went home with a woman.  Sometimes I'd tease them, then drop them.  Sometimes I'd even make out with one of them, then go home quite on my own, even sneaking out.  I had a nickname among the women who knew me a bit more, and learned to tolerate my ways, Octopus.  As if I had eight arms, it was said, when I was getting fresh.  If she wasn't right, or I didn't feel like it, or for whatever reason, it just wouldn't happen.  I had a friend who would tag along with me, as I could hook him up with something I got hot and dumped, or just met along the way.  He thought he'd become a protegee but didn't really have the stomach for it.  I considered him a remora fish, when everything settled.  He asked how I dared, truly offended by my behavior.  I told him the same thing I told my last woman, though her about the way I played a game... because I can.  He ended up marrying one of my rejects.  She promptly put an end to her husband going out with "him".  *cough*  *chuckles*  Just as soon as the last ring went on, she snipped his manhood and kept it in her purse, him not far away either.  Served him right.
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Decided to get up and write that out.  The lion and ledge part was pure fantasy.  The rest of it is accurate and precise enough for the ledgers.  I've never kidded about my past.  Once a lion, of the manly sort.  Like that, hate it, didn't matter to me then, or now, if in different ways.  The past is what it was.  Odd to end up celibate, and for so long.  Right with the world as it should be, and yet still hoping to fulfill my place in life correctly.  Willing to go without, however, if need be.  A sort of penance.  Some woman, if she decides to fulfill her role with me will certainly have her hands full.  Hands?  Metaphor, mind you.  Never the mind.

Back to bed.  Just... wanted to get this dream down.  I do remember those times.  I sometimes parse here, or suggest that it wasn't what it was, or belittle, or...  To see it so fresh in the mind, to relive it.  I thought to share more of the truth of those times.  Just go click on the "Women" label, then hit up the May 27 and June 8 posts.  Just so you know.  Good night, again.
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Took this offline while I was cooling off to go back to bed. as I headed to bed.  I hadn't waken enough to know if I should publish.  It... goes to character, in a negative way.  But it was the past.  The haters will hate, the doubters will doubt, the believers will just have to understand.  One who, right away or later, chooses to attempt the path of the saint doesn't always, perhaps ever, start out on the right foot.  The balance of good to evil seems, in my estimation, to be equal.  You can only ever potentially be as good as you have ever been dark.  I think of it as a reckoning of the books of the soul, a law of some sort, in the spiritual realms.  And why Christ had to be sacrificed.  So... after a review and minor edit, I'll... begrudgingly put it back up.

Hmm... I'll keep at it.

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No kitchen cleaning today.  Ah well.  I did find that, if I take great care with the timing, I can get the black beans to work with the other grain type stuff.  The timing has to be nearly perfect, as does the amount of water used.  This batch is a bit mush, most of it.  I forgot how much more beans expand so had to remove some of the mush before it was done.  The main batch, save for the beans, got a bit overdone.  I won't waste, mind you.  And I have time to practice.  I may set up another container with the mix using lentils instead, so I can go back and forth from time to time... at least once I finalize perfecting the black bean mush process.  It's really a good food to have right on hand.  A new batch each week, eggs on the side, and brots or some other meat to add in from time to time.  That handles breakfast and lunch in a solid and nutritious manner.  It only gets old if I get a bit lazy about mixing in other things, which is fine if I don't have the heart to do more.  Incentive, if nothing else.

I'll hit, or try to hit, the kitchen tomorrow.  The kitchen, the whole kitchen, and nothing but the kitchen, so help me God.  It needs it too.  There is enough work there for two days.  Even then I am not sure I could get it down to the shine.  That, if I can get to it, will be all I spend on it.  If I can get to it.  Then a day in the bathroom, cleaning.  Then two or three days in the living room.  Then to start on the bedroom.  In there, though, between rooms, I may need some time off, and I want to work on the kayak.  Again, for all of it, if I can get to it.  We'll see.

Life isn't bad, it's just a bit down.  I hadn't been keeping up on food as well as I should.  Not sure if that is a symptom or part of the problem.  Just can't tell with some of these things.  Food is back in line, medicine is going well, I am beginning to get some things done again, I remain willful toward these ends, I just don't have... something... that link to make it all work.  Not now, maybe soon?  God knows I am aiming for it.  Good night.

Not the fastest day.

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Work is moving forward.  I will get to a good deal of what I had planned... for yesterday.  However, I may get much more deeply into what was planned.
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A prepper on boiling and peeling eggs:
I have been trying various techniques.  The goal was twofold.  First, I was looking for a way to more quickly peel the eggs once they were boiled.  I generally do between a dozen and an half and two dozen eggs at a time.  Sometimes I do as much as four dozen, or close enough.  It isn't a huge time sink, it's just that efficiency is preferred.  As to peeling eggs?  Several times, especially after a few bad experiences, I was boiling an extra half dozen eggs just in case.  If I botch a few eggs, I can just eat those.  If I botch half a dozen, and many of the others are "ugly" from poor peeling, I'm stuck.  If they are too bad I simply toss some of them.  Efficiency and economy.

I have tried many different ways.  Adding salt to the water, for example.  Or shaking the boiled eggs in batches, to try to open them up for easy peeling as some had suggested.  Over time, I have tried many old wives' tales.  Few have helped in any appreciable manner.  What helped the most is something that is contrary to all advice I have read or heard.  I have it down fairly well, after weekly doings for several months now.  This is how I do it.

First, I fill a pot that can hold an half gallon with cold water.  I have reverse osmosis, and have used that and tap.  To be honest, I think tap is just fine.  My health, shut it.  I use cold (or when r.o., room temperature) water.  I then add the eggs I will be using.  Any floaters* are promptly tossed, they are no good.  I then set the pot to boil, which (for me, at my altitude) takes about 20 minutes on high.  When I notice it is boiling, I turn off the heat.

Now here is the trick.  I have been told to uncover the eggs after I turn off the heat.  Several batches ago I forgot to uncover.  While boiling, I keep a lid on, though at an angle to allow some venting.  What happened, is that the eggs were extremely easy to peel.  However, thinking it might be a fluke, I decided to try a couple more times.  This has worked for me three times, cooking two dozen eggs each time, and today I had two different sizes of eggs boiling.

After they have come to a boil, I simply turn off the heat and remove them from the heat as well.  I leave the lid on, at an angle as when getting up to steam, then let them sit for ~20 minutes.  I then drain that water, and add cool/cold water and let them cool down for another ~20 minutes.  These are... hrm... pretty done.  I just don't trust eggs, to be honest.  Though having figured out bad egg testing, perhaps I can lighten up.  But that means more standing and more doing at a faster pace.  I am mostly dead, if I must remind.  Sometimes I don't have it.

As for peeling, when they have cooled pretty much to room temp, and 20 minutes should do that, I keep the pan (often just one of my in-sink dish pans) of fresh water for use as a method of cleaning the peeled eggs.  I put the eggs in a strainer basket.  Then I crack the egg, from one pole to the other, and begin peeling at the larger pole of the egg.  There is usually a bit of an air pocket at that larger end of the egg which reduces the risk of me scratching the body of the egg with the shell.

I have found nothing that reliable works at speeding up peeling eggs.  I have, as noted, found a way to ensure peeling is easy.  Any suggestions, that are tried and true, from someone who is very particular about having 'clean' eggs (no blemishes), as to speeding up peeling, I'd be happy to hear it.

(*Also, when frying eggs, or using eggs for anything, I now float test them...  I have found that, no matter the brand, in a group of five dozen or so, there are always two to three floaters.  I had thought if eggs were too fresh, or too old, that is why I would have gastro problems... bad smelling gas, gas being an unusual thing for me anyway, and loose stools... not at all... the problem was with bad eggs.  Now that I know how to identify, and then remove those from use, I have had no problems with eating eggs that are fresh or even a month old or older (refrigerated)).
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I am now working on the grain mash.  I thought I had lentils, but it ended up being black beans.  I will see if that works or not.  Some have suggested that black beans cook up quickly, without needing to be soaked.  I have not found that to be the case.  I guess I will find out soon enough.  These are smaller than I usually use, so... if there is a chance, it will be with these.  If it fails though, I will have to go shopping soon.  I didn't realize they were black beans when I mixed them with the last of my brown rice.  There is no really good way to unmix.  I suppose an exact strainer, or screen, might work, sort of.  But I'm not counting on having just that exact size of one or the other just handy.  I am hoping it works, just to have some variety.  Black beans in this mix, lentils in that, brown rice and quinoa as staples. 

And I am going ahead with kefir.  I am strictly limiting it though, to about four ounces morning and night.  I have the perfect sized glasses.  I got those in a set, a set I wouldn't have bought if I realized they were a part of it.  Four ounces is, nearly by volume to proportion, a shot to me.  I don't, as a general rule, do shooters of... anything.  I prefer mixed drinks, or snifters at least, though mostly just beer even so, these days.  I'll do a blood serum test in a few days.  Bleh.  Then again, even 180 to 250 isn't all that bad, for me.  So...  I'll tinker with it and figure that out.

I might be able to really dig into the kitchen today... after the mash is cooked, cooled, and put up, and those dishes have been set to a soak.  There is a more than even chance, if no guarantee.  Having the boxes out should help... something about the incentive of seeing some of it done, and not having to face that extra bit of work.  Later.

Morning?

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Oh sure, I guess it is.  I went to bed late and woke late for it.  Doesn't always work that way.  It is clouded over and dark this morning, which helps... if you can call it that.  I woke earlier but, in opposition to the ground hog, since I didn't see my shadow I therefore went back to bed for a few hours.  It looks to have rained as well.  Sure, I water, and out of the blue it decides to rain.  Not bad though, the lawn needs extra and I am not great at giving that out, staying on top of it. 

I did get the trash and recycling out.  Which is why I was up extra late.  It just took a long time to push myself to finally do that.  It's not all that difficult.  At times, and later in the evening is often among those times, getting the body to function mechanically is the larger part of the task.  Not a psychological effort.  It's not based on the physical.  It's probably that my blood pressure and pulse sink, plus given the givens of my physical state, getting enough blood to pump to work muscles is... difficult.  It is more like the concentration it takes to do a major physical effort.  No matter how small the task seems to be, getting to the point where I can bodily do it requires... something.  I don't even have a word or name for that.  Working up the gumption?  Something like that.  I can't always do it.

Today?  Hmm...  After this first cup of coffee, I plan to get the eggs going.  After those are done, then I'll do the mash, getting a shower in while the mash is finishing.  Medicines down, but I need, sometime today, to fill the medicine sets and load syringes for the week.  That really works.  I keep the vial in the reefer, fill six or seven syringes keeping half of them in the reefer too, so the stuff stays fresher.  Not sure it helps, but the solution doesn't get cloudy by the end of usage.  Though... I wonder if that is why I seem to be getting less than a month out of each vial.  Depending on density, a thirty or forty degree temp difference might make a large difference in volume?  Or they are sending less in the vials these days.  I really don't know.  I'll be working on a back up supply this next month, and will maintain that. 

If my friend calls, I may end up going shooting today.  If I get through some of my stuff, I may call him.  It may be too cool for him?  Well, and he can be a bit of a rain pansy.  :p  Get a dang rain cover.  They are cheap.  And I know he has gloves.  Bleh.  If not, I'll hit the kitchen.  Though if I get to town I will do a bit of shopping while at it.  Nothing fancy, cream, something to add to water to make it consumable, and maybe a steak.  I haven't had one in a very long time.  I did a minor burn on the grill last time, to clear off the surface gunk, so it is ready for a good piece of meat.  And I am definitely hungry for a thick slab o' ribeye.  Hey!  Even dogs get treats.  Hmm, could check on .22 ammunition again.  Another thousand or two, and as I find replacements I can begin shooting.  Just won't pay centerfire ammunition prices for it.

Later.

Much but not all.

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I didn't end up making food, so there was no second set of dishes to do.  The rest was done.  Wait, no, I didn't hit the kitchen.  I'll keep at it.  Tomorrow, first thing... after waking... food prep, then at least putting those dishes in for a hot soak.  If I get to it right away I won't have to soak them twice.  Then, maybe, hitting the kitchen a bit.  Ah, but I best get the trash out, and hit the boxes for recycling.

On the good side, while a bit tired, the organ pain was gone before afternoon came around.  Perhaps by midmorning.  It was a set of mild pains, so that wasn't a surprise.  But that there was pain was probably an indicator that not as much would be done as was hoped.  When the innards turn to soup, it's usually an ill omen.

On the next cool day, whatever else, I hope to get out shooting.  While I have much on my todo list, I am satisfied that I am moving forward on the list, more so if I really do get the trash and recycling out yet tonight.  I need to get food coloring, for pickled sausages, my next odd little task.  Something to take on day hikes as a snack, with cheese.  Hmm... I wonder, with the dehydrator, if I can make my own granola?  I'll check into that while cooling down after getting trash and recycling sorted, out, and then to the curb.  I actually hate having to race the trucks in the morning.  It's just that I don't always have enough energy at night or through the day.  I think I do tonight.

Be well, be wise, and I hope the start to your week isn't as bad as Mondays of lore seem destined.  Either way, get to it and smile.  Even if it hurts.

Well, a little surprised.

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Yes, I had a list.  Yes, I had full intentions.  No, I didn't think I'd get to more than one or two projects.  A few hours later and I have the jerky done.  It's cooling, but it dry to a potato chip crisp.  I won't be sharing out this jerky, but not for selfish reasons.  The meat... might have gotten a bit... old.  Now that it is very dry I can't really tell.  Others might notice.  Even if they didn't, I won't risk their health.  As for me, two things.  One, I have no health to risk!  Secondly, I don't seem very capable of death or illness.  I think I, from time to time, approach one, or the other, sometimes both.  But it's just a stylistic thing.  *grins*  Anyway, it is good enough for me.

Beside the jerky, other than being put up, I have finished dishes.  I haven't cooked mash or boiled eggs, so those dishes obviously can't be done.  I did have to search for brown rice and lentils before even thinking of cooking.  I didn't realize I was out until I went to make the mash.  So be it.  Yes, looking for the ingredients counts as work, and more.  I had to look high and low for the stuff.  Which is probably the only reason I don't have to foods prepared for the week.  All good, it happens from time to time.  And, really, extra work is an extra feather in my hat, which I pass on to the Great Maker.  For only my will, but His hands, do the chores.  It is His glory.  I merely get to share in it.

Next I need to get a shower in, though I might set foods going before beginning my shower and bath.  No, best wait to start food after I am done... sometimes it takes a lot longer.  Some days the bath is just too good to simply hop out.  Today might be one of them.  Then food, then getting laundry back.  After those, the hope is to do the dishes used in cooking and dinner.  Since dinner is coming in tonight, I'll wait for that.  I might do a nice little bit of catching up today.

Tomorrow?  I don't know.  If it is cool again, I'll see if my friend wants to go out.  If it hits 80 F, no dice.  That's just too hot, makes a run too much, for now.  If it is too hot, I will simply figure out what to work on tomorrow.  Kayak?  Maybe.  And cleaning the kitchen.  I'll just focus on the kitchen.  Trying to think about too many areas at once, and as things stand, I think I overload.  Hmm... which means I may tear boxes down tonight, for recycling... and get the trash out, on top of what else I have planned.  It's doable.  Beats racing the trucks in the morning.  Although that can be entertaining too.  Later.

Gifts, even for the undeserving.

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No, no matter my intent, just deserts for me would be quite wicked.  But for another my fate would be harsh.  Never think I don't understand.  Can't live just there, though, either.  That place is known as despair and is a sin in and of itself.  But to remember, once in a while... a season for all things.  This isn't that time, just... saying.  And in case you wondered.  Hopefully my words are enough of works, for my flesh isn't able.  Dark as they can be, they are meant to shed light.

Ah, but the gift.  A fantastic night of sleep.  Not money, not love, not right living, nothing can grant a truly good night of rest for those in my condition.  And, while life has improved to the point where sleep actually allows my flesh some restoration, it is usually of the milder sort.  My sleep is more like you receiving four to six hours of sleep.  If it's all you can get, it'll have to do.  Generally that simply isn't enough over time.  You, as me, work with that until the deficit takes you down, and then until you can get back up.  But last night was one of those rare nights, when sleep was fully restorative and more.  A gift, even for such a one as I.  Grateful anyway, in spite of how it might seem, more grateful on such occasions. 

The body had been a bit sore lately, the organs really.  Not terribly sore in there, and wasn't sure.  Could have just been... bloat.  Not too serious.  As time passed, I realized it was just health going down a peg.  Not too terribly, or yet.  Given that I could still be on the heart transplant list, I chuckle when I have a minor fall in health and seem surprised by it.  Come on, that's funny right there.  It should remind just how blessed I am, otherwise given my condition.  It is sometimes difficult to count one's blessings of life when the body feels afire, or the organs are all grumbling from bruise and minor portional death which makes them resemble half rotted fruit in function and feel to the rest of the body.  And yet, over time, I have come to that.  Thankful for the next day, and that the pain may be of some spiritual use.  For my own soul, if I do indeed have one, but certainly for others in purgatory.  Don't say I never gave them nothing!  ;p

And dreams.  Three.  These I can share.  Nothing fancy.  I will abbreviate these greatly.  Yes, each might well take an hour to type out.  Lots of detail in there.  Amazing lot of detail.  Even at an hour per story I would be greatly abbreviating.  How do you dare write of every breeze across the face, or seeing an ant or rabbit or the nominal things that happen in every day life that may or may not have any true import?  I live quite fully in those dreams.  Anyway... brevity today.
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In the first one, I was a pilot.  The first few days of the dream I was just learning the bird.  A medium fighter-bomber is what I would call it.  Prop driven.  Those first days could have been for any reason, but I knew it wasn't really the case.  The gear, the plane, the men I was working with, I know the military when I see it.  Not in combat though, or not yet.  I knew that was coming.  Still, for those first few days of the dream, already a trained pilot, I was learning this particular stick and bird.  A couple of trainers before this.  The freedom of flight in dreams, with or without a craft, is a wonderful thing.  And, so, I enjoyed.

After my time of training with the combat plane, it was time to put that to use.  Our task was, relatively speaking, a safer one.  We were hitting tanks.  Sometimes we would run into enemy ground troops, and receive small arms fire.  Sometimes the tank crew would spot us and fire their machine guns or rifles, whatever they could bring to bear.  Rarely did they hit us, and in the dream, I never heard of a case of one of us being downed that way.

We were supposed to drop bombs on the tanks, to take them out.  On my first few runs, I found this nearly impossible.  I checked back with other pilots, who agreed with my assessment, then with command.  It seems my sense of frustration was with a hit rate that was on par with expectations, perhaps even better.  For me that was not acceptable.  So, on my next run, after having located a tank, I radioed in, asking if I could fire my 20 mm wing rifles.  "Absolutely not!", was the reply.  So... I lowered my nose, targeted, and fired... my 20 mm's.  Took out the tank without issue.  I was so pleased.  I went looking for another, and took it out as well.  Ammo was still good but gas was low.

No one knew what I had done, if they did know I had taken out two tanks.  Luck, most thought.  It had happened, though very rarely.  The bombs we dropped were terrible.  Before anyone followed up, and on my own, I got to the supply sergeant and whispered sweet nothings in his ear.  Keep me, and the other guys, in ammo, and I'll keep you in scotch.  I had a source.  Hated to lose the scotch, but killing tanks was worth it.  And so it went.  Then I let the other pilots know, but told them on, and kept them on, the qt.  Command did not seem to approve.

Eventually they caught up to us.  Averaging a couple tanks, per, a day, they realized we had switched tactics.  Command just about blew a gasket.  That ammunition, we were told, was scarce.  And lone tanks weren't a high priority.  Huh?  We told them, as a group, to bug off.  They tried to end the supply, but by this time our successes had won us huge favor with the grunts, and their commands were over our commands, so... we got to play all day, rolling in 20 mm ammunition, and flying around with grins.  It wasn't just tanks we took out.
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The next one I don't remember as well.  Just that, at some V.A., a number of us where having problems getting in and getting treatment.  The guys I was working with, for the most part, while not from my old crew, were also fliers.  We got together, worked on some things, and as with what had happened with the command in the service, we got things changed.  We demanded, and got, the right treatments for the right problems, and better access.

Yes, I was a bit of a command toppler.  That's almost as good as flying.
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In the last dream, I was in engineering school.  Only they started teaching engineering in school.  I was a new guy.  For some reason I was joining this class a bit late, but with approval.  We were, in one section of the education, having to model a structure.  Styrofoam, plastic pipes, scale sizes.  We each had to do our own projects.  The trick was to make the model look as clean as possible, and create as much efficiency of the many components.  It was sort of both a project and a test.

Oh, yes, most of us really enjoyed this.  The math was a bit of a pain.  How many gallons from here to here, at what flow rate(s) possible... how to have these three component be able to be shifted, and the sum into those four, etc.  It was a small scale rubics cube of various sorts... ideally, mechanically, physically, etc.  Beautiful but trying.  We worked on our own, though could discuss ideas with others.  And did, as much as engineers speak.  Yeah, even in real life, I annoy engineering types.  For the first six months of eng. school, I wasn't sure engineers could put more than a few words together.  :p

I figured something out though.  With the styrofoam base, sometimes something got torn with it.  There didn't seem to be, among the tools we were given, a way to even out the foam.  This... annoyed me.  So I cornered the professor.  He didn't like me for the same reason many of the students half avoided me.  He knew I would talk at him.  :)  Still, I had him sort of cornered.  "Yes, Doom?", he warily queried.  I let him know it wasn't a social call, so he could go to ease (if just this was almost making his non-social ears bleed).  I asked him if there was a way to "heal" the styrofoam.  A smile?  I didn't realize the guy had emotions, but there it was.

You are the first student I have ever had ask that!  Come over here.  We went to a minor chem lab station near the front of the room.  A place most of us students avoid.  Engineers are NOT chemists, unless forced to be, unless it turns into fun, and then we don't tell other engineers about it unless we can get them hooked before they squeal to the rest of the crowd, which would earn disfavor!  Engineering ≠ (or even like, officially) Chemistry.  Must make that point clear.  Unless they are chemical engineers, but they are considered freaks by the rest of us. 

Anyway, he showed me how to do it.  I don't know about real life, but in the dream, the styrofoam was ground, then maybe something was mixed in, and then it was put in the micro for a time and power based on density and total mass.  It seemed to liquify, to something similar to elmer's glue.  That was simply poured into the broken model area, and giggled or flattened with a popsicle stick until smooth, then allowed to dry.  Noice!  I did mine.  And, since the guys had helped me catch up with only minor grumbles, I passed on the new tech.  I figured that would cut my score, since comparisons was part of the score, but whatever.  I really wasn't in it for the grade, not purely.  On tests, yes, competitive.  Even on homework, sometimes.  As it turned out though, I was given more points for asking and a lot more for sharing it out.  Cool.
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Well, there you go.  But, for today?  While I am a bit ill, and have been, I am going to continue working.  Not fast, maybe.  Not a lot.  I have a number of things I am going to target today.  The list: put the jerky back on and get it to a very dry state; reset the dishes, give a final wash on those later, rinse, dry, then do any final dishes later this evening or at least start them; boil eggs and cook mash, hopefully in time to get those things into the later wash; take a bath and shower between loads of dishes; and get dirty laundry to the laundry room and maybe fold some of the clean.  Some of that has to be in a specific order, but not all of it.  Since I am, and was, dealing with dehydrator trays, I have to do the wash in the tub in the tub.  (No, not an accidental repeat.)  The trays are too big for the sink, but I don't like washing dishes in the bath tub, so I used that "storage" tub to wash the trays, and just wash everything else with it while at it.  I don't know if I will get to it all, but I will give it my best shot.  Right... after I wake up.  *grins*  More COFFEE!  Later.

About bed time.

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Bits and pieces, this and that, slow, mild.  Off my game.  Not a dead stop or drowning in pain though either.  The jerky is nearly dry.  I'll let it cool tonight and check it when I wake,  Probably another couple of hours anyway. 

What is going on with youtube?  Are they going the way MTV went?  To me they are pretty useless without music videos.  It seems musicians believe we will just find and listen to them, without them putting something out.  The radio is gone.  MTV is dead (in all the ways that count).  Sure, giving it away is a risk.  But not giving it away is a certainty.  I know, it's going down hill fast, but for all of us.  If you want to get a dime, you, these days, will have to spend a nickle and then risk that as a sampler.  Oh, but it is getting tough for musicians in some other ways.  They used to be able to put out an album or cd, and we would have to buy the whole thing, much of which was junk, at hyperinflated prices.  At the end, cd's were selling for $15-$20.  And, as noted, we were lucky to get one to three good songs on it.  That just wasn't going to work.  Now, what, $.99 a tune, just take the best let them eat the rest?  More if they do a decent video?  Well... it's still not a bad gig if you don't throw the money away.  The "good old days" are certainly over, but they never should have existed.  Eventually things had to turn around.

Movies have pretty much died as well.  I remember when a movie would stay in the theaters for six months, maybe longer... if going from bigger theaters to smaller, rather than just staying in the same show houses.  There are still some which try to sell their dvds or blurays at excessive prices.  Most are direct to market.  They aren't even trying anymore.  Hacking, while a bane, has also been a friend.  It has broken the back of some of the worst of the gatekeepers.  Ideological socialists and communists, amoral when they aren't immoral, definitely unethical and without saving graces.  It's all B now, at best.  Big names are dead, big studios are dying, it's wonderful, really.

In many ways, places, and recent times, I am seeing the wizard being exposed.  The curtain just won't stay closed, and people are actually beginning to notice.  I'm not sure if it matters, at this point.  It depends, to a degree, if the voting has been rigged or legitimate.  If it was rigged, all will be good.  If it was true, only doom remains.  I suppose it is much like Greece, on slightly differently.  Whether their "elected" government does the will of the people, to a degree, doesn't matter.  What matters is why they voted "no".  Was it, in majority, to hold out for a better deal?  If so, pigs at troughs eventually must pay for the feed with their bacon.  Period.  If they voted no, in majority, in order to get off the gravy train, they have a chance.  I'm pretty sure which it is, which means their government IS doing their will.  Sorry Charlie, pigs will be pigs until the oink is rendered out of their tail.

Oh... just trying to be cheery.  Later... uhrm.... or more, good night. 

Not even close to perfect.

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The day is what it is.  Even so, I am not completely disheartened.  Given that I feel rough, remain a bit too tired, and all else, I did okay today.  Some of the dishes, enough to begin working on jerky.  The jerky process required the trays, then draining the marinade and slicing the meat, and finally stacking the trays.  I am comparing tray liners to bare trays this time.  Though... I am sure enough that the bare trays work better that I only tried a couple of trays with liners.  Besides, the tray liners tend to warp even at vegetable temps.  The dehydrator has a number of settings, from 90 F (for herbs and such) on through four or five different settings, to 160 F (for jerky).  Even at the 135 F for fruits/vegetables, the tray liners tend to curl a bit.  I suppose turning them more often might help.  Well, and I won't run them overnight anymore.  Just a safety concern.  If what I am working has had a good six or more hours of dehydrating in, when I shut it off for the night, it should be close enough to not have a great health concern.  Plus, it'll dry more through the night even without air or heat.

Yep, next month I'll probably purchase thirty pounds of beef, and let them slice it there again.  It'll take a bit.  I can only do about six, maybe seven, pounds of the meat at a time.  And it takes... a day and an half, maybe two, given that I'm not running it at night* anymore.  Well, and it needs a full day and night of marinading (imho).  So, even if I was keeping up on all of that, stepping it through precisely**, it would take three days per 6.5 pounds, times six full loads, which would mean eighteen days to run 30 pounds, give or take.

I've done a few other things, odds and ends.  Nothing fancy, not fast enough to really satisfy, and I'm not feeling the best.  All good though.  I haven't keeled over, or hit a dead stop, or gone into severe bouts of some sort of weird pain or other.  Look, dissatisfaction with pace does suck.  But I have had much worse, just a few weeks back.  I'll keep going.

Looks like my friend called today.  I didn't hear, and didn't notice, so...  I'll call him tomorrow.  I'm too busy trying to get things done, and was in the middle of things anyway, today.  No time to play.  It's a cool day.  Would have been super to get out.  But I can only do just so much, I need to get some of these things done... the meat had to come out of marinade today...  Crap.  Still, I'll... save the next cool day for him.  I'd like to get out and punch some paper too, anyway.

Later.

*Night means sleep cycle, not necessarily actually sundown... if that has been the norm lately. 

**not going to happen.  If it does, I'll get someone to buy me lotto tickets the next time that is high. 

Another chance.

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My non-scheduled work plan was upset a bit yesterday.  I had to make a trip to town.  Coffee.  If you use the stuff, you understand.  If you don't, you don't.  Turns out there was another half pound in the freezer.  I cut the big packs into little packs, freezing most.  It works well enough.  I am a bit of a coffee snob, just not... like that.  Absolutely fresh is a bit better, but not enough to not do it this way both for convenience and price.  I had a sandwich while in town.  With problems here and there, finding a place I don't mind visiting, and don't wear out my welcome, is becoming difficult.  If I get the sense that I'm not welcome I try not to return.  If the workers look like they just got out of prison, I don't return.  If the place is a mess, I don't return.

I did get to some of it, but there is a good deal more to do.  I'm not moving fast.  On the other hand, I am actually doing well.  Lethargic.  Perhaps cutting, for a while, then tampering my consumption of kefir might help.  But, as I suggested, heat is probably a part of the problem.  And while this summer, for summer, has been quite good lately, it is still summer.  My system doesn't handle heat as well as it once did.  I have never been good with heat though, just margins of difference.  It's in the high 50's tonight.  That does help.  Having natural cool really helps.  I don't need it tonight, but if it was really hot, or I overworked and am still steaming even after sleep, opening the door a crack and letting that really cool air blow in can be a gift.  And yet the cave doesn't ever seem to drop below 75.

Oh, right.  While in town this last, or the time before(?), I stopped at another store that might have sprout seed.  I wanted to try various types, but more singularly.  They had three types I haven't tried before.  However, I realized, after walking out the door, that simple seed might work.  It might be far cheaper to buy it as seed than to buy it as sprout seed.  I don't see why they wouldn't be interchangeable.  It's just, perhaps, there might be a reason not to do something "common sense" the way it seems should be doable.  I'll do a little checking.  Being late and slow is part of the program, not proof of foolishness.  If you ever think you are ahead of the game, tell me how much interest you are paying, how many things you buy the expensive way (but don't realize), etc.  Trust me, we are all rubes.  The thing is, when you realize it, fix it.  Given this is just my second seed buying... if my conjecture is right... that isn't bad.  I wonder how many people just buy high priced stuff because that is where they were first shown to get it and they never thought about it again?

More work today.  I'll get to what of the list remains, as I can.  Later.

Go away. I'm just working out some ideas.

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A bit of darkness, if leading to some hope.  If you can't handle the difficult, you won't be able to entertain the chance at more.  You have been warned.

Just stray thoughts, bubbling through lately, without direction, solace, or even incrimination.  Mostly.  It is time to let them loose, fly where they may, strike as they will.

More sleep than usual.

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Honestly, I was becoming suspicious of kefir, at least at the volume I was consuming it.  Either that or something else was going wrong.  I will be cutting it out for a few days, say... until Monday, to see what blood sugars do.  I won't really be monitoring until then.  I think that might be why I have been less active.  While heightened blood sugar doesn't seem to have any obvious symptoms for me, it does increase lethargy.  Then again, even when I can keep it to 75, but more go out when it's in the upper 80's or higher, heat gets to me too.  While 75 is something I have learned to tolerate fairly well, I think it is still a bit of a tussle.  I thought as we got older, our bodies wanted more warmth?  Well, after this winter, I realized I now consider 20F cold.  I used to consider -20F the mark at which I thought real cold started.  So, there is that.  :p  Seriously though.

I am still taking my days slowly.  Even if I did a lot yesterday, and I might actually get to a good shot of work today, I am not simply planning it.  It will happen, what I need to happen, or it won't.  Sometimes making a list, and shoving that through, at times, is more difficult than even doing more work.  At least in the state of mind and body I am in.

Dishes, boiling eggs, cooking more grain, more dishes, taking down Christmas lights, cleaning in the kitchen and bathroom and living room, getting laundry back to the laundry room if I don't think I have quite enough yet, dealing with the clean clothes...  The only things I consider a must are finishing the dishes, then doing the next set of dishes including dehydrator trays, so that I can start the jerky.  There are other things I could add.  If I had to call this time, the next few days to week, it would be called a working recovery.  No kefir until Monday, then I will begin exploring how best to use that, or even if I can use that.  Perhaps half a cup, morning and night?  Maybe just a cup in the morning, or half a cup?  No matter how tasty, it ought to be considered a medicine, or that is what I am thinking now.

What a dream last night.  Yeah, this one I can share.  But I won't.  It would take too long to write down and for very little reason.  It may have reason to it, or not.  I don't fuss too much regarding dreams on this account... unless I have a reason to do so.  I'm not sure all dreams should be shared, either.  While I think this one would be okay, there are reasons, perhaps, as well, not to share.  In a world that is pushing as far and fast into evil as this one, lawless and worse, some might know who can see what, even in this way.  I'm not worried about self, though I suspect there are some things I do not wish to share.  It's much like when you walk into any church, and I do mean any... at best, some are pure fictions... but when you walk in, understand that while good draws good, it also draws evil.  Look around.  Sinners, the right ones, are all that are there.  The ones who are seeking redemption, goodness, rightness, and God, are there.  But so to are those who refute any such things.  Just... understand.  If they don't believe a sin is a sin, or a sin needs to be forgiven, or many other things, they are not on your side.  They may be a literal threat to your body or soul.

Some of the notions in the dream, which I haven't fully written out, have meaning.  Coded, perhaps.  Not all of the cipher is available to me.  I don't always understand.  I think some, sometimes, know more.  Though most people no more understand dreams than can do calculus, though those two don't equate.  Actually, for the most part, those two are polar opposites.  And, oddly, sometimes the most unsophisticated in these things, be it a child or a simple person, can occasionally put it all together better than others.  Still, some, even if they don't catch it fully, know enough to know that a threat to evil is being discussed.  They see that much.  Those who don't believe a sin, of any sort, is a sin, have to hate anything that somehow manifests the truths that lead to a denial of their false notions.  They don't understand how, they just knows where it ends up.

Oh... I have noticed some college kids, working at places, who... seem to have lost their smug attitudes.  Places I don't often visit, so not having to do with me so far, and no apologies.  Though too, I saw a face who knew what I was saying was true, but who had not participated in what I had suggested.  Yes, I think he was chuckling about it.  He probably only suspected, himself.  He may, himself, have suggested not to play.  The world of evil eventually fails, falls, and is burned.  Something to keep in mind?  Both of the men on the cross with Christ were mere thieves.  Theft is worthy of death in most, save the very decadent, cultures.  And, more, is worthy of being sent to hell.  Not even Christ could prevent that, without a choice and change.  Yes, a dime or a dollar.  For your homework, I'll leave you to figure out which of the commandments is broken, and more, what part of the spirit of the law is breached.  Though only one is necessary, often they come in pairs. 

I wrote this much earlier, but... couldn't quite finish the dream tale, took a break, edited the dream out without finish it.  Bleh.  It's turning into a slow, tired, day.  I'll try to get to more anyway.  Later.

Maybe more of a push.

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A push without intent?  Yes.  It's more like doing more has just, sort of, happened.

I have been tinkering with blood sugar reading, food, and kefir.  It looks like kefir really kicks the blood sugar.  The fasting reading was 180.  Not the best but manageable.  I then had, say, ~14 ounces of kefir.  Sort of a large of the doses I sometimes go with.  Then I waited an half hour.  It had jumped to 253.  So...  I'm still going to experiment with that.  After, I ate a grain and sausage meal, then waited an half hour to read again.  Actually it went down to 251.  Odd.  In any case, I plan on doing another reading right after this post, a sort of afternoon reading away from any foods by a couple... two, three, hours. 

I've been tinkering here and there.  I reset the dishes, and again.  They just need rinsed.  But I have either been at the end of my work cycle or outside of it, by the time they came due.  I did set up the beef for making more jerky.  Which means I have to finish the dishes that are in a rinse, then wash the trays, so that I can begin drying beef tomorrow.  More, in August, I'll probably buy twenty, maybe thirty, pounds of beef, sliced again.  I'll have to do it in batches.  But that would give me enough beef for a couple of months out there.  After that I will hit vegetables again.  As is, I have about sixteen pounds of vegetables compressed down to about... two to three pounds?  Right in there anyway. 

The alarm went off so I measured my blood sugar... 162.  Just... bizarre, if you ask me.  I'll be experimenting with other foods, eggs for example.  Anything I am sort of making a staple.  As for kefir, I will work at finding how much I can take without it being a huge fuss.  But the grains, even with a couple of brots, seems to be a perfect meal.  I am absolutely amazed that it brought the reading down a couple of points instead of raising it.  That just... isn't how food has ever worked with me before.  I'd like to see if that is just a fluke, having to do with consuming kefir first, or just a really unique food type.

My friend called, and I told him I would be in.  Not so much, in this case, for his sake.  But he suggested .22 ammunition was in stock.  I hope he wasn't pulling my chain.  I'll know before long.  I had to take a shower though.  Then I called to see about my mortgage.  It seems the company had a deal I really couldn't, or shouldn't, refuse.  No cost, fees, or such.  My ARM could go back to a fixed (a... relatively reasonable one, even at worst case, due to limits both in how often and maximum amount, they could raise things... worst case scenario was better than what I was in, if the cost would rise by 50%, but within reason for my income, etc).  It was at... 2.65 or some such, and would go to 3.75... but from an arm that could go as high as 9.75.  With the rate fixed, the payment becomes fixed.  Betting on an interest rate increase?  Are you kidding?  Oh, and for some reason, no fees etc.  My guess is that rate increase buys that company more time.  It's a parachute.  But in an endless drop, just how long that will help them is anybody's guess.  Now I can comfortably do, by next year, double payments.  And, if I push really hard and tinker a bit, I might be able to triple the payment.  To be honest, I am just looking at getting enough of it paid off that I can sell it at a loss and not have to work with the bank regarding it.  What is a home worth today?  Does it even matter if no one can afford it?  That is where we are at.

I can't afford to live anywhere that mobility is controlled by quarterly medical checks and a bureaucracy that hates the truth, doesn't believe in sin, and has to power to mess with people.  If I must be on foot, I'll be on foot where everyone has to be on foot.  Yeah...  Still, I'd like to get clear of this before trying to something else. 

Oh, well, just drying off a bit before I head into town.  I really need .22's.  These aren't the cheapest, but they aren't the $80 for 300-550 either, or worse.  If they do have these, I should be good.  However, because I fear a run if word gets out, I am not going to send this live until I am well on my way... actually probably won't print until I have them and might even be on the way home.  Yeah...  Don't know if I am just read (enough) or despised (that much), I just know what would happen if I sent this and then showed up for .22 ammo.  None.  Might be none as is, I'll see.  Later.

I am not pushing, again, today.

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It is quite irritating.  On the days where some of what I want or need is perfect, I have worn myself too much to go.  On the days I am ready, and even get out, not so much.  Today would have been perfect.  If I had to guess, even more, much more so, than yesterday.  But yesterday was even better by about as much as the day I did go.  Oh, I'll figure it out.  I have a trick in mind that might not be as fantastic, but just might do anyway.  If you can't do it your way, find another way.  That's all I'm suggesting.  I'll let you know if it works.

I needed rest yesterday.  And today isn't a boisterous day either.  I have many things I need to do though.  I'll try to push through more today.  I just didn't have it yesterday.  Nothing.  I still did a few minor things, just... couldn't push, or do, more than a few things.  No, I'm not worried about it.  Frustrated, sure, but not worried.  When 1 + 1 = 2, it shouldn't cause a great deal of concern.  And the slow down was due to logical limits.  While variable, with rounding errors, limiting things, 1 + 1, if the answer can only be whole numbers (depending on what parameters are used as the definition, but how I would define them), 2, where 2 ~ 1.45 - 2.44.  If my number ends up being a 1.88, therefore 2, I am not going to huff.  Yeah, I want to 2.25, or higher.  But as randomness on these things dictate, I get what I get.  There might be ways to cheat that, I just wouldn't bet on that for the long term.

Blood sugar is high.  I will check after consuming a glass of kefir.  That might be a problem.  I may have to cut back on that, a lot.  I have been consuming that at an alarming rate.  Fair enough.  Though I won't swear that is the problem, at this point.  I generally drink a couple of gallons of whole milk a week, without trouble.  And this stuff is supposed to be less of a problem.  I haven't checked blood pressure.  Hmm... I suppose I could check that too.  Was more curious about blood sugar though right first thing.  I need to start checking that several times a week, fasting then an half hour after a meal.  Maybe testing specifically for kefir as well.

Boiling eggs, making more grain mash, a bite to eat shortly, a few dishes, then washing the trays for the dehydrator and getting jerky marinating.  That is the idea today.  And a shower in there somewhere.  Shower then a bath I do believe.

Oh, I shouldn't, but...  Sam will sometimes sit on my leg, looking up at me.  She is partly napping.  I can tell as she falls deeper into sleep.  Eyes wide open, but... she begins to lean from side to side, looking right at my face.  So... I begin to bob my face.  Her tipping becomes more, much more pronounced.  Finally she leaves that perch for the safety of my whole lap.  Sometimes she gives me a nasty look for this, sometimes she doesn't quite realize it was my doing... perhaps thinking she was simply loosing balance more all on her own.  Cats, as with children and women, are great fun if you know how to play the games.  *grins*  Sometimes I do. 

Hmm... a quick bp test, then a bite to eat and coffee, while taking a bit of time to wake up.  Later.

What college kids need to learn.

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Sure, they can be tricky.  They have learned how to steal card numbers and sell those.  They might even have learned to target certain people.  Like those people who don't believe that "because" or "feelings" are good enough to justify evil.  What they are forgetting is that the world has become wise to them, and has begun proactively going after that sort of thing.  When wealth flowed for the middle class, it didn't matter so much.  But as that has dried up, due to the very politics most "kids" appreciate, much more attention is being paid to these little crimes.  The rich have always been much more attuned to their money.  If they were to be ripped off, it wasn't going to be nickles and dollars, but small to vast fortunes.  And they had some means of dealing with that.

Not only are various people and institutions beginning to watch, the margins are becoming too thin for anybody to just tolerate that.  So, whichever of you stole the card number and sent it out... you have a target on your back.  One you put on yourself.  They can look at which places that was legitimately used, then begin speaking with other card companies to see just where that has happened to other customers.  Then they can begin looking very closely at who was working where, when, in that business.

You will have to be taught.  If that means a minor slap on the wrist, or if this is a pattern some jail time, you will be taught.  Your politics, idealism, and such, have no place in people's bank accounts.  Don't think of it as punishment.  Think of it as an opportunity.  You can learn from your mistake(s), or you can continue believing "because", or "feelings", until you land in serious trouble.  Use this as an opportunity to learn.  Don't waste it or you will end up getting the socialist egalitarianism you wish for us enforced upon you for a very long time.  Unfortunately, that doesn't seem to fix some people.  But that isn't the purpose.  It's simply to deny you the opportunity to continue being criminal, for whatever you call a reason or reasons, for a period of time the courts believe is sufficient.

Oh, and yes, I am pretty sure who you are.  A personal apology would be acceptable.   No, that wouldn't spare you.  Though it would convince me to approach the judge on your behalf, if it comes before you are sure that it would be needed.  *smile*  As difficult as it is, it is that easy too.

Yeah.  Good luck with that.  I don't think I mean that the way you think I do.  Later.  *wink*

A new day.

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I am not going to be pushing today.  I need a few days to back off and regroup.  I will be doing things, just not in a scheduled march list.  That has proven futile in this summer heat.  At least when attempting to march through the summer as if that didn't matter.  I do have a list of things I wish to accomplish.  The beginnings of more jerky, getting kefir back in line, more eggs and grain mash, grilling some meat, cleaning here and there.  These things, it is hoped, will fall off the list in the next few days as I am able.  My cave, as a general rule, with how I rig things, stays at about 75, though can climb to 80 when it hits 95 or above out there.  Lately it has been staying cooler, but the cave can only drop to those mid 70's.  It's actually 73.4 so it must have gotten rather cool last night.  The limit has to do with the stonework stuck into the earth, and the radiant heat the stone receives.  But it is a bit much for me to attempt an all out attack on much.

I will hit this and that when I can.  I am not tired, or ill, or such.  The bit I did yesterday was good.  Not a terrible strain, just enough to wear me down a bit.  I am hoping to keep that sort of pace, only spread out a bit more.  Working back up a bit.  Mostly though, the felt need to get caught up on some things, and the cave, at a more reasoned pace, and without having too much else, or too large of efforts, in the queue.  I have been trying to do too many big things at once.  And in the heat.  I'm simply going to smaller acts, that can be parted out, with rest periods, and without a schedule to raise the beat of the drum to an unsustainable cadence.

I haven't tried youtube vids yet today, to see if they are fixed.  My security software just offered me extra-super-duper security if I just click "pop-up window".  No, if they can't do it at full suite, their extra duty isn't going to do any better.  And if the problem was them allowing a problem to frighten me into more money?  Yeah.  They used to call that a protection racket.  I may have to change companies if I see a trend with that.  Not like any of them are really good.  They just want your coin, with which they underpay hackers who then know how to hack better, not protect you.  No one on that side gives a hoot, especially once they have your money.  Protection racket.  The basic might keep some of the less skill out though, but paying more is paying extra for nothing.  For a feeling of security, not a reality.

Well... On to something.  Later.

Pretty worn.

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Just getting out and hiking around looking for the trails, shopping, and a few other things, seem to have been good in at least wearing me out.  Yes, that is a good thing.  I wish I could do more to earn it.  That isn't always how it goes.  In health, youth, or not.  Some days you have more, some days you don't.  And the temp had already begun striking the fire hour.  So... I'll take it.  I'll keep working toward it unless or until I break through or realize it's just too warm.  Then I'll work on another track, or two.  A lighter pack again, the kayak, whatever I can get through.  I'm pleased with what I am doing given the givens.  I have a couple of years, maybe three.  At this pace I will get there.

Some other things happened.  I don't share everything though.  Some things, days, dreams, are just my own.

I watched a show on Netflix that I really enjoyed.  The name of it was Primer.  If your not an engineering sort, don't bother.  If you are, and enjoy... more... it might be a pleasant diversion.  I do understand why most people won't enjoy it.  I'm not sure Non Sequitur is exactly an engineering thing, though there might be some overlap.  But Dilbert certainly plays well in my group.  Oh, and in that show, I realized the real reason behind me... sort of being kept out.  What DO you do with engineers over 40?  Right.  There you go.  Being gregarious, truly, is an engineering gaucherie.  True.  Being political, at all, at least publicly, is a faux pas of some note.  But all of those can be forgiven.  Being over 40 cannot.  Nor is there an interest from the side of academia, especially with faith and religiously based conservative ideals.  Over 40 for an engineer is like being over 30 for a single woman.  Honestly I did not know that it was that serious.  It, from the show and thinking back, is.

Oh, something odd.  I have not had time to tinker with blogger, my machine, youtube, or anything else.  It seems, however, that it has magically fixed itself.  Not sure it will stay fixed.  That might depend on which shift is working, which boss is paying attention, and some other such.  I have, after days, maybe a week actually, been able to watch videos, from my blog, and enlarge them.  No a crash since this morning before I left.  Amazing how self-repairing software is these days, innit?  I'm telling you, the numbers don't add up.  Stop just allowing it without a word, or surrendering to it, and they can't do it to you.  No, it's NOT the law.  Judges can't write law.  It's up to the legislators to correct that.  And it is up to us to put their feet to the fire on this.  DO IT!

Ugh, tired.  Not quite ready for bed though.  Maybe another show.  And a beer.  Hush.  I'll use the small cup.  *wink*  Later, or good night.

Too late, too hot, couldn't find the trails.

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I'll do a bit more research.  Either my live source didn't know what he was talking about or the trails are well hidden.  Some, though, offer advice as if it was first hand, or even well remembered, when it truth it is either neither one or the other.  Which is fine.  By the time I got out it was already a bit too hot.  If I started two, three, even four hours earlier, which is possible, I would have some time to be well into the trail before needing to begin looking for a shaded spot.  As was, I hit it just in time for the oven to have been turned on in earnest.  It wasn't terrible heat, just beginning to approach the highs for the day.  A few hours off, but no more than ten degrees off, if I had to guess.  I will do more research.  Find the exact name of the two possible trails, find exactly where the closest drive is, and then go look.  I simply don't want to hike three miles just to get to the trail head, if I can avoid it.

Shopping after.  Milk enough to set up kefir again.  I was down to pint jars of starter.  I had three, so I started three half gallons.  Yeah, but...  I am already out of eggs, and need to cook fresh grains as well in a day or two at least.  I also need to clean the dehydrator trays and begin making jerky.  As well, cooking brots would be really good.  It sure adds a good bit of extra pizazz to the grain mash.

I'll sort of hold off, get things going here at home again, and push for another try at hiking, much earlier.  If that isn't enough, if it is still too hot and difficult, I may reset the smaller bag.  Even that may be too much.  Yeah, I suppose I might be able to push through with it.  But at the level it was today, I'd have to have a real reason.  Someone's life, and a life important or good enough in my estimation, would have to be on the line.  And, no, that does not include my life.  If threatened, I will merely wait for the threat in this heat.  Not going to run.

If that fails, I may change my focus back to the kayak.  Yeah, I know.  But priorities change as windows of opportunities present themselves.  Backpacking has the highest priority.  That will be what is needed in the main.  Kayaking simply offers some extra potential in some more limited situations.  Backpacking looked possible.  And, maybe, I can still hit it.  If I can hit it in this heat, and get that spark going, plus develop some resistance to the heat, I'll be well on my way.  I can never promise anything, but I do better when it is cool.  So, if I can top off in the heat, winter, and much of spring and fall, will be nearly guaranteed.  Which is why I am pushing against all odds.

A few "down" days, of mostly just sorting life, getting food back in order, and chilling as best as I am able.  If my schedule remains good, I'll try to hit the trail again then.  Barring that, it's back to they kayak.  It's not perfect.  But this line of effort, even with the minor migraine and heat fail, is really quite good.  Especially for high summer.  If I can just get hiking going.  Even if just three to six miles every other week...  The cherry on the topping.

Oh, it seems I am only, after great waiting, being able to barely sign in on blogger.  I may end up censored from blogging, sooner or later.  Just know, if I am not blogging, why.  Later.

It seems that it isn't just youtube.

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At this point I can no longer comment on other blogger.  I am able to comment on other formats, but not blogger.  Looks like I am pretty much at an end blogging.  I figured this was going to happen, I've had troubles before.  Now it looks to be nearly a done deal.  Lets see if this posts.

Now, if I fail to post, you will know why.  Basically because I believe being queer is a sin and stand in absolute opposition to it's legal tolerance.  Tolerating evil is one of the worst forms of evil.  Now that it is "legal", they will be going after any who oppose the "law".  They really can't count well.  I can handle inconvenience.  I know where this is going.  They might as well have suspended the law of gravity with their writ.  More so with them pushing to mandate an allowance.  Good luck with that.  If... I don't quite mean that in the way that it sounds.