Mostly a day of rest.

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The tub is being cleaned, I hope to do a few other things.  No whole rooms, or large projects, simple tasks... as much as tasks can be simple.  I went to bed a little later, nearly midnight, but woke early and well.  Sleep was good.  Life is alright.  If not everything I hope to do is going forward.  Like the KoC meeting I will be missing.  I can't do it.  I thought I would be able to go, and last month.  I've... I'm... I'll get there.  And then try to hit it several times, perhaps even make it a regular event.  I like to go.  I like to be involved, even if it is just listening.  Adult Boy Scouts, or at least when the Boy Scouts were worth being involved with, or at least not dangerous.  They have had their first boy rape cases going forward, because of allowing homosexuals in that program.

I did do a few bits of business.  I am attempting, and looking to be successfully, to get my home loan changed from adjustable (if that was better than what I had before it) back to static interest for the life of the loan.  No cost, so I am told.  Yeah, just for peace of mind.  They get a point and change up front for the removal of the risk of a five point rise over the live of the loan... which I do expect would happen.  How much will that save?  Enough.  Further, it means the monthly won't ever rise.  I don't have to worry.  Risk assessment and management, nothing more or less.  Is there better?  Maybe, though with a company I haven't worked with the added risks accumulate.

I also finally was able to get through to a number given to me via a woman at my doctor office to the V.A.  It was supposed to connect me to someone, with a file needed a bit more data, to ensure medicine was delivered.  There are several trees in the automated system, I tried one today, perhaps one tomorrow.  The one I followed today ended badly.  Something about that being a call center, with no "So-and-Whositz", no file on me or even opening for that sort of thing, no knowledge of me, and not functional as to what I was seeking.  The woman seemed truly perplexed as to everything I asked.  No, I kept it clean and neat, just business.  She wasn't all that nasty, just... she obviously had no clue what I was discussing.  I'll try one more branch, as there really are just two for me (the other branches are for providers).  Then I'll call the woman in the office of my doctor, see if she can find out more or... something.  Garbage and jokes, I guess.

I finally get back, get back, on medicines and I am coming to realize that they are going to cut them again, again, again.  Oh, yeah, I really can live without them.  Have for ages.  Not as well, probably not as long, and definitely not here.  I'll work on it until it proves unfixable, then figure out where and how to get on with my life.  That, my friends, is the government helping those it promised to help.  Can't even help itself.  Doesn't even seem to know what it's doing, or care.  It just hires who no one else can hire and lets them do whatever they are capable of doing, doesn't worry about, you know, doing what it is supposed to do or says it will do?  I guess.

Later.

A new week.

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Enough better, from re-re-starting medicine that perhaps some things will be done.  Recycling and trash need to go out before long, if a shower before that.  Then waking.  I have needed a lot of sleep.  My waking time has been short and mild.  Forgettable, if not forgotten, of late, life goes on.  It's not horrible, mostly.  It's just winter with too many demands and a horde of ankle biters confusing the mess.  I will be working on some of the ankle biters today.  Perhaps clarity and direction can be arranged going into the future.

Yeah, the meds can help, a bit, when I can take them.  This time the failure to take medicine wasn't... a logic or will failure.  It just happens.  I suppose I pushed so far over that line that everything fell.  No biggy, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.  And this time it hasn't hurt, one way or the other.  Plus, I did keep up on the snow, mostly.  And that wasn't all.

You know, I might purchase a smaller choice of deli meats and cheeses today, then some specialty bread, again.  It's an easy meal.  My tastebuds seem to be getting fussy or going lame.  I can't seem to eat easily.  Not even sure the deli goodies will work, but worth a shot.  I just can't do it, sometimes.  Have to find some odds or ends food that I can consume.

I can't just fix one thing, when it has all unraveled.  Food, medicine, sleep, cleanliness, this, and that.  It all has to be sorted out or it will stay in a mess.  So... I'll begin.  I do think it can begin to be arranged.  Hmm... I may even take two pair of slacks in for dry cleaning, in hopes of making it to confession and Mass this Saturday.  If I can figure out laundry, I might make it to the KoC meeting tomorrow.  I'd like to help with the Lenten meal this year, and the hog roast later in the summer.  It is good to work and serve.

Later.

Figuring things out.

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Medicines, again, are back on track.  Sleep has been pretty heavy, six to eight hours up then down.  I don't have a lot of energy, so I have been targeting it.  Snow removal gets first dibs.  If that works, then I make an attempt at cleaning and getting out.  Monday will be a day of calls, then a day out if I can.  Then a few days of rest as medicine, hopefully, stays on track.  The sun is out, that helps.  Hmm, yeah, should open the curtains.  Dark is why I fell a bit more than should have been required.

I thawed a few ribeye, then grilled those.  These are from my favorite store.  Not good.  They taste like dense meat with fat only on the very edges, and not much even there.  You really have to have marbling.  Now, they looked okay in the package.  Perhaps they are rushing these animals to market.  Pushing them through the line without any real care for quality.  I know, as much as they cost, I will be eyeballing the packages extremely carefully from now on.  The meat has the textured of worked muscle, not fattened beef.  Cardboard.  Then again, you can't tell if it's Mexican or Canadian, or even other, beef now.  And, yes, there is a difference.  I know, with the drought recently, culling of herds because of feed costs, and other things, quality was bound to dip.  But opening the borders to foreign meat won't help either.  I expect a fair deal for good money.  Not getting it.

Today?  I'm just barely getting by.  My mother called.  She is visiting my brother.  She was sick the first few days but is doing better.  I am extremely pleased that she is there.  I had worried.  She was sounding like travel was no longer in the picture for her.  Her surgery really did help things out, gall stones.  They were minor, but enough to really be tearing her up.  Her shoulder is better.  It seems gall stones can mess up your shoulder.  Odd, the body, and how everything fits and works, or doesn't, together.

Well, on to something, or a nap.  Later.

Yeah, bed beckoned a second time.

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I was up until 4:00 or 5:00, then crashed again.  All good, given the givens, that works.  I was down for another three or four hours.  Hmm, technically that was something like a long nap, in the scheme of things.  Today is a day of rest, as will tomorrow be most likely.  I'd still like to do a few things.  We'll see.

Coffee helped, the second time awake.  I need to do some other things, like thaw meat.  Barring that, a trip to town for takeout might work... if I can get up and going to do that.  If I can just begin seeing housework as snow, I might be able to get to it.  The thing is, the cave being cluttered doesn't prevent me from getting out.  Then again, snow doesn't either, unless it is really deep.

Later.

Sleep was good, if a bit long.

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I am feeling much better for it.  I can't swear I will do much now that I am awake, though I have a small list.  First, though, coffee.  Oh, and I now check the driveway first thing.  Thankfully it was clear.

My friend asked, as we were talking before I left, if the temps had just dropped.  I answered him honestly, I didn't think so.  When I returned home, however, I noticed that some ice here and there on the drive and sidewalks, and icicles, had been thawing but were now in the process of freezing again.  A minor but noticeable thaw, so yes, he was actually right.  Not a huge shift, just a few degrees above to a few degrees below freezing.  I'll let him know next time I see him.

I plan to go in Monday.  I have business to do that day as well.  Some on the phone, some in person.  After that, I'll take a few movies over, and my popcorn maker.  I asked if he had the stomach for more intense shows.  He said he could handle Saving Private Ryan.  I suppose that makes him, generally... fairly hardy that way.  Still...  Well, I'll take a few, allow him to pick and choose.  I have a select grouping that suits my nature.  Some of it is much more... ideal than functional, but it's in there.  Some of it is much more literal.

I do feel fairly good.  A bit tired, not quite perfectly medicated quite yet, just off if not terribly.  I'll keep at it.  I still love that I have been able to, mostly, keep up on shoveling.  When I miss, don't think I'm picking or choosing.  Probably just not able to even be aware that the sky has left a little white poop on my stoop.  :p  I know the shoveling has gotten me fitter, tightened up some muscle areas, and just been a pleasure.  Nothing like plugging away as one can.  I'm not dead yet, not fully.

On with my day.  Later.

A bit of a push.

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I thought I could just sweep the drive.  There was too much snow.  Mostly fluff again, between and inch and two, closer to the second mark, maybe over.  Shoveling wasn't too bad.  I hit the frontage area a bit again.  I really am enjoying, if I am not always aware enough to keep right on top of it.  Though is it awareness or function that is missing?  I run until I run down, then I zone out and off.

I wasn't finished with the shoveling.  I called my friend to see about this or that.  I needed to do shopping, buy a shovel, stop and the post office, and just get out.  He needed shopping.  Lunch was just a part of the deal.  I'm stocked up on milk and cream, plus a few extras.  I overate by eating twice in town.  Since I was in so long I figured it would be good to stack in some calories for the recovery.  Yeah, I haven't ever quite recovered from the heavy snow time.  I keep adding to the deficit.  Then again, that might just get me where I want to be, over the hump.  I still think if I can suffer past being out of shape, and work a bit further yet, I might have a chance at... some kind of life.  Doctors think I should do something, but not too much.  And, if I were normal, I think they would be right.

Anyway, it was a good day.  I got everything I intended, and more.  A few prayers of gratitude these last few days, and weeks.  Oh, and a lot of people on my prayer lists, near and far, family, friends, and associates.  Plus the rest of the usual suspects, of good and even ill.  Who needs prayer more than those who don't even seem to know?  That doesn't mean I won't do what I have to do if needed.  Just... I'd rather do so in a clean nature.  Oh... well... a quart of milk then a nap?  Yeah, maybe.  Later.

Food, medicine, all else.

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Hit and miss.  Yeah, I know, I know, I do.  It doesn't matter.  Want, wish, push, try, arrange...  Either it works or it doesn't.  Thankfully, to point, it isn't fatal.  It will be, or something will be, eventually.  But then, for a thousand and one reasons, I'm already here on and impossible lend-lease program.

I've been thinking about secular notions of God, heaven, hell, and else lately.  Movies, such as Constantine, and shows such as Supernatural, give very short shrift to the writings and teachings out there.  Definitely of Judaeo-Christian understandings.  Then again, in a world of female Christian ministers, politically correct sins, and all else, it's difficult to take anything seriously.  No church hasn't been infected, if that has always been the case.  The depth of the infection is quite serious these days.  It even seems to be that the church is trying to play kingmaker among the worldly, and join in worldliness.  The church keeps forgetting, the world will not suffer it no matter what it does.  Putting it's head in a noose will not win it any favors, only death for those who do and some who don't go along.

Sins aren't something that can be ignored or simply gotten past.  You really need to know what your sins are and learn how to release them both from your life, and their stain from your soul.  You will not enter heaven with the taint of sin.  While Christ can release that, you have to let Him, and have to know what they are.  It amazes me how many people think one thing is a sin while another thing that is not a sin is hate-worthy.  There is the notion of causing a scandal.  The only thing you can do in that situation is to turn your back on someone.  If you are a right Christian, you have a good reason to turn your back on most of the world, including many who claim to be Christians.  Do it too much and you will find yourself alone, on a hill, praying for the end.  I don't think that is quite where to go either.  So, where is the medium, the right place between total involvement and total isolation?  I don't know that.  I just slog through, doing my best.  Heaven knows, I'm definitely facing a lot of backs, some from the Christian world, many from the non-Christian world.  I'm good with that, too.  I am, and live, as I find to be right.  I fail, I fall, and I get back up, with God's and his children's help.  Always amazes me what a kind or right (even corrective) word can do.

Anyway... I'll keep at it.  Perhaps the cold, or serious lack of sun lately, has me a bit off.  Or maybe it's meds, or food, or... a mix of it all.  No worries.  I'm not in pain, I seem to get just enough, I smile and laugh, feel and pray.  It's not bad, it's just not optimal.  If I could get to some cleaning I'd be really happy.  Though, on that, I... think it's a man thing.  We have no clean- sort- straighten- foos.  Shovel?  Sure.  Dig?  Perhaps.  Move things about?  Okay.  Figure out domestic neatness and cleanliness?  At least I become more like a cat a little too close to a vacuum cleaner.  Then I start looking for a dark place to hide and nap.  Even in the Navy, it was slop mop as fast as possible, pour on the other goop, go hide until it dries, then try to forget it ever happened.  Well, and hope one of your "friends" or enemies doesn't decided to strip the wax by wedging your door so you can't stop them, then sliding a paper bag full of shaving cream under your door and stomping on it... the shaving cream destroying the wax coating.  Yeah.  I liked some parts of the Navy.  And payback.

Later.

Nothing but fluff.

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It was as it seemed.  Still, I was a bit afraid.  That wasn't what kept me from going out.  I simply couldn't get out until I did.  It was on my mind the whole time though.  I have done well.  Still, I fear next time there is a real challenge I might not be up for it.  This one took merely a broom.  I need to get a new shop broom, and some bolts.  The one I have has lost the bolts on both sides, so only the handle sort of holds it all together.  Yeah, another one and two more bolts to fix this one, and it should be good again.  It worked though.  Much of it had blown off, or perhaps some of it melted/dehydtrated off?  Not sure.  Only about two thirds of the drive and half of the sidewalk needed sweeping.

Now for some food!  I am hungry.  Hunger comes and goes.  Some days I could and do eat anything and everything, if usually, or often enough anyway, I can't bring myself to eat.  Today is an eat day.  Oh, and it is cooler out there.  It is just above 0 F.  There is a bit of a breeze too, or it seemed like it.  All good by me, I like it a bit cooler.

Later.

Hungry.

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I've been thinking about flying for takeout.  I have to do the driveway first.  If I don't do takeout, then I need to shower.  All I know is that I am very hungry.  Later.

Cold, a bit more snow, changing schedules.

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Nothing major.  It has been below freezing for some number of days now, to the best of my ability to notice.  How can I tell since I haven't been checking the readings?  Icicles have collected and stayed, lots of them.  The furnace and how the attics work creates just enough heat to cause some flow.  If it stays cold, those icicles simply collect and grow.  As well, just the feel of it.  Oh, I don't mind the cold.  It's as good for me as the heat is for some older folks.

More snow has fallen.  I think I can get to it, probably later today.  It isn't too much.  And, if I am right and it has been cold, it won't be too much fuss to remove.  I can't be sure when it arrived, I lost track a bit.  All good though.  Seriously, looking forward to it.  I think.

And, while I'm at it, I am trying to work my schedule back around to days.  When it is cold, consistently... when it is dark, if the last few days have been brighter, and when this and that?  My schedule can spin like a prop on an old plain.  No worries, I just keep at it, keep trying, keep going, or rest until I can do those things.  All good.  Later... or actually good night.  I'll try to hit noon, then crash.  Hmm, don't think I'll make noon, but 10:30 isn't too bad, I guess.  Yeah, good "night".

Sort of sad.

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So many politi-blogs are proving they are exactly what they have been saying they were fighting.  They are bought and paid political hacks.  They choose their side based on who is paying the best or who will support those who support them, not on what is right.  It is absolutely obvious.

The hate poured on Trump is often nothing more than the fact that he won't promise to handcuff himself to politics as usual, status quo.  He won't give typical Republican "friends" the friends discount.  Nor will he agree to work with Dems on the big ticket items that we (the elite) know we need, such as an immigration invasion, the spending of tax money for everything and anything, though the more useless the expenditure the seeming better (again, according to elites).  The elites discussed aren't even American.  American fat-cats are given no more credence than we are.  No, the ones who own the parties are the multi-national mega-corporations.  They aren't our friends, they aren't anybodies friends.  They are out to take every nickle and dime even if it murders nations, morality, etc.  Actually, I think that is part of their game.  One church, but a dead one.  One nation, but one that simply operates for the good of the elites.  One currency, but in an economy that is a zombie.

It is plain to see.  Any "conservative" site that is pro-amnesty, pro-open border, is not pro-American.  Any group that uses zombie "pro-life" groups who have not succeeded in anything, except sucking money from suckers, and using other religious groups to lead as a pied piper... not good.  It's plain.  Easy to spot.

While you can't put much stock in politics, if you can't put any in it, you are in trouble.  We will see how this works out.  But it's not looking good.  You hear Americans barking about the immigration war in Europe.  Most don't seem to realize we have more here.  Further, our government refuses to even examine how many are actually even here.  More than Europe, how many more is anybody's guess.  Pointing fingers while blindfolded, with earplugs, and an attitude when anyone points out the truth.  Yeah, we will see how this works.

Why Trump?  He is the only one who even offers to shut the border.  His two closest competitors are from the demographic that would be targeted.  And you wonder why we have problems?  Imagine if Europeans were voting for muslims.  Yeah, that is what we have here.  And still they point and rant about Europe?

Later.

Well, some of it.

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Trash out, and recycling if I am not sure that goes today.  Still, just in case, and because I may be crashing shortly.  A shower last evening, then dishes to soak.  The laundry is about to pass through, though I had to break it up into two loads for the dryer.  Some clothes were still in the dryer from... who knows.  They were dry, though, so all good.  It's having wet clothes anywhere that can be a problem.  Bits and pieces, but my days and nights are still off.  Oh, and yeah... I get some of my medicine down and lose track of the other.  I'm... right on that.  I think I am just one shift off, so I might be able to get that righted before it gets too wrong.

It's as good as it gets for now.  I'll keep at it.  Later, or more likely good "night".

Interesting song.

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False, in it's final analysis, but interesting.

It won't be by holding hands.  Each, on our own.  Some have not been allowed to go, others who have not wished to go have gone.  On our own, alone, each of us.  The only place you can go as a group, the only place you can help others find, is the one place you don't want to find yourself.

Pretty rough still.

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It can't just be the medicines, can it?  Maybe.  I'm thinking probably not though.  My diet might have something to do with it, though that can't be all of it, or even a large portion.  Achy, headaches, temp fluctuation, flu-like but definitely not the flu.  Just not the right collection of extra symptoms.  Never mind.  I'll keep resting as I must, eating as I can, taking medicine, and praying.  Oh, right, and dark thoughts and dreams seem to be making their presence known.  I won't tell you there is any truth in there.  I will only tell you that I believe there is.

Having the devil want you in his club is a seriously bad thing.  What he seems to have on offer, however, is... well... anything worldly or of flesh.  Empty, dead, no matter how sexy seeming, addictive, or seeming wanted by the many.  Oh, trust me.  The grandest heaven he can offer truly is smaller than my pride, and I believe I will skip.  If I were to go that way I would eliminate the middle man, and don't think I'm not up to it.  At least an attempt.  Yeah.  I could and I will skip, just not in his direction.  I used to have it, anyway.  I'd rather be a gardener in heaven, or even a statue outside the gates if my kind aren't fully welcome.

Dark things in those dreams, visions, daydreams, and such.  And light too.  God is always there, if I ask.  And I do.  I hide nothing from Him, not even my worst.  I just show and ask.  Trust me, He knows what I don't dare tell you, and I tell you much.  Cool with it?  Nah.  But He does love me, and is patient.  More so than I, though that's not saying much.  Hmm... Not sure... something or other or good night... or day.  I just can't figure things out.

Better, a bit weak, and thoughts.

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Oh, I know.  I'm going to push tomorrow or Monday.  I am going to do some work this weekend yet, and get cleaned up.

Stretching and checking.

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Better?  I think so.  I've been awake for an hour or so, can't be absolutely sure, though I think I am going to be okay.  I probably need to take it slowly and not push for a few days, keep on medicine, and eat as properly as possible.  Other than that, I think I'll do it.  If this isn't a simple case of not being awake enough to know.

As I was waking, I remember what a lot of the problem has become.  Now, economic turmoil was caused by government and private malfeasance.  Have no doubt.  People and governments began betting on losers and rolling up the costs of their gambling into the cost of business.  To help paper over unsustainable losses, they began also stealing from the middle and lower classes through all sorts of government and private schemes, often working together against us, covering each other at our cost, and continuing to gamble.

However, they weren't the only ones.  Every government and large corporation, at this point, in every nation who could bandy coin to toss in the fires of gambling loss have played.  Shouldn't their be a "house", one that doesn't lose?  Well, yes, except they became just as hooked on gambling.  You can see how corruptions magnified at that point, can't you?

As resources, and real wealth, dwindled, shifted, and fought to escape those who tried to maintain it, an economic war broke out.  Allies and enemies switched as fast as a micro-current in a hurricane catches a leave and alters it's heading.  China was on our side, until they thought they would build a bank and market their currency, a currency unwisely allowed to be marked to our currency and for too long protected by that.  The oil states were making a killing on China undercutting our currency to produce as slaves.  When China decided to go their own way, they were shown that there is no other way, and the oil states were left with glut and are now choking on their alliances.

Now, no one is really on the side of the American middle class, not even itself.  It was, it seems allied with a bruiser of a mix of government and big business that has gambled and warred too much to leave them much of a cut and is continuing to rob them blind.  No amount of capitulation will help, those actors don't believe they need it.  And, if Americans keep voting as they have, those actors are right.  Yeah...  What a wake up call.  That is what I saw as I bumbled out of bed.

Still, don't really care.  No headache, no body aches, only slight oddities in body temp.  I'll work on working inside the cave, if I can, tonight.  A shower, in time.  Laundry, a load or three.  And dishes, if I can get on it.  Later.

Hopefully soon.

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Nothing I am doing is helping all that much.  Fever comes and goes, though no chills so it's just medicine.  Headache to migraine, if I did have more anacin and it does help, some.  Nausea, sleepiness, aches and pains.  While off medicine, I seemed to void liquid quite well anyway, however, without medicine there were no vitamins, and those are what keep my body from cramping when I void a great deal.  So, yes, cramping.  Mostly legs and arms, but tickles of that everywhere from time to time.

Sleep and waking has been... off kilter.  Three to eighteen hours, now and then, this and that.  It'll straighten out soon enough.  I am trying to use blogging, gaming, even watching movies, to attempt to straighten that out.  I simply don't have control.  Back to bed.  No real choice.  I'll be back up before too long, probably.  I'll keep on things as well as I may.  For now it's recovery mode.  Good day, and night.

Oh, and hey?  I'm about 200 to 250 pageviews from my all time high.  This will, in any case, be my second best month ever, at 2,446 pageviews so far.  Not bad for a mostly dead old ghost.  *grins*

I went back down pretty fast.

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I've been dodging the migraine.  Sleep, food, drink, whatever I think will work.  Too much, or little, food or drink, though sometimes right through sleep too, the pain finds me.  Usually it isn't so much of a problem, but this time it's really bugging me.  And, yeah, it's a migraine, not just a headache.  Light sensitivity, nausea, several types of pain, it's an ugly thing.  I am not beating it or escaping it, boys and girls.  That's just medicine start up pangs, I am pretty sure.  I'll make it through.  And, yes, I am continuing with medicine like clockwork.  I am having to switch the water pill around, but that is a minor thing and causes no real problems.  I'll take naps, eat, occasionally dose with anacin, whatever it takes... plus keep on the regimen.

Three calls today.  Which is odd.  I should have been awake for some, if not all, of them.  The phone was right near me.  Even when I am otherwise focused, or as some accuse lost in thought, the vibrate function usually causes enough stir that I sense it.  I really think my phone, out here, doesn't always connect through.  Perhaps later, after the call, it quietly slips in that someone called.  It's not even that I am that far out of town.  Perhaps plane comms interfere?  Perhaps towers are lowering their send, as they have found the waves are causing radiation poisoning, or something else?  I just know something isn't quite right, and I don't think it is a personal problem.  Maybe they are just going broke, having gambled the government largess they received for creating the networks, and overcharges to customers on top of it?  Economic problems are really showing up.  I feel, often, as if I am not getting what the service or product I believed I was paying to receive.  It's getting ugly out there and the state is on the .corp side.  Too big to fail, or jail, and to keep the trains running on time, and not hang anyone, they change the schedules on the fly.  Not just lies, damned lies and statistics.

Yeah, a bit grumpy.  For good reason on top of good reason.  If I could just get this migraine to back off for a bit things would smooth out.  If I will still note the failures around me.

Well...  Let me find if I have more anacin, take a smattering if so or something else, then get on with the evening... morning... as I may.  Later.

Up!

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Just trying to avoid the death cart.

I slept pretty well and must have been fairly deep and hard.  No major pains as I wake, just a few hinges that seem a little rusty, feeding a minor notion that a headache might get me.  Medicine in back on track, but with days and nights upended again, I am saving my water pills until the evening set with evenings being my mornings.  Otherwise I am up all "night".

As I was checking and using the defueling station this morning, I saw something strange.  While the windows in that area are frosted, it seemed as if the drive was clear.  I didn't think it was warm enough to have melted, and that wouldn't have happened.  For that to work it has to either be really warm, or that and have enough snow off for the blacktop to help the sun.  When I finished I investigated.  Nope.  The snow thieves were at it again!  Oh, I was quite grateful.  Bushed and a bit beaten, seeing no snow out there revitalized morale.  It is snowing again but I will be ready tonight or tomorrow to hit it... as soon as it seems to have stopped and when that and my function seem to coincide... or if it just keeps going, to get out ahead of it.  An amazing year this year.

I'll keep going.  And, maybe, if I can figure a few things out this summer, I'll get on track with mowing.  I really might try to figure out a riding mower with a plow attachment.  I'd love to add a deep tiller too, but...  I'll definitely look at a unit that has various options, from bagger to tiller to snow blade, bargaining what I want and need first, then making sure if I ever want the other things that they are available.  I just can't, otherwise, do heat.  Not that well.  So many things yet to do, I'm not sure.  I just know, sometimes, I might be able to pull it off.  And, if I am careful, the other things I might through time be able to afford to have done.

Later.

Not going to make it.

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I think I'm about to bank into bed.  I just can't stay up longer.  I did get a good day in.  Shopping, shoveling, more shoveling, more shoveling...  It does look like it stopped.  It does look like I took the vast majority off the top, or bottom actually.  I am amazed at what I did just today.  Somewhat surprised I didn't pop.  What with starting up meds, going through all that, going shopping (which was a bit of a big deal as I was doing it), then shoveling the driveway at least twice over?  Yeah, I sometimes wonder why I don't pop.  Meh.  I really have gotten away with much, in one sense.  All things are possible with God.

I am sort of feeling a bit on the rougher side.  Not as bad as this "morning", or even all "night".  More like just a really slim slice on the worse side of life.  Given all I suspect I earned it.  I'll take a shower, then leisurely dry, before getting on to the shoveling later today.  Maybe I'll get a load of laundry going after the shower.  We'll see.  I need to keep pushing.  I'm just not good at some things.  Good "night".

It looks like it has stopped.

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The snow that is.  What I shoveled puts me well ahead of the work.  And since I scooped the bit which had tracked over, I'm probably in a pretty good position to finish tomorrow.  I am not sure if I will be able to stay up until it is to be done, or will sleep before I can get to it again.  I am pretty sure I will get to it though.  I actually thanked God for the challenge.  The work, as the pain, is to His glory.

As I have slowly begun replacing my movie stock I am adding a few movies that either caught my eye, or I felt belonged in my collection.  Some I simply wasn't sure about.  Then again, any movie, foreign or domestic, really has to be reviewed.  I had been curious about Red Riding Hood.  Other than them sticking blacks into a German fairy tale, it wasn't too bad.  I've only seen the stock ending, there is an alt.  I'll see that next time I am wanting some down time of that sort.  There are a number of Catholic themed movies... though... coming from H-wood, that isn't always good.  Some seem to be indies, such as There Be Dragons, I think it was named.  I'm not sure about the movie, I think there were some serious flaws.  Though if it be true...  Well...  I suppose, in those times, when the only civil choice was socialism (fascism) or outright communism, foolishness abounded, even in the church and among priests.  Which seems to be returning.  When will they learn that populism and earth socialism/communism will only murder them and promote sin?

Anyway... I am slowly rebuilding my library, adding a few as well.  I simply can't remember what all I had given him to see.  As one can probably tell, my viewing habits have nothing to do with porn.  At worst, silly action.  At best, life stories of faith... though even those have to be closely scrutinized.  If they fail they will be removed or outright destroyed.

Pain remains.  It's not as bad as it was.  It ebbs and flows, heightens and diminishes.  I'm not sure pushing helps, but it doesn't seem to be causing extra intensity.  Meh.  I did say I dig through pain.  I just never quite thought shoveling snow literally was a way to do so.  *grins*  I might say the devil made me do it, but that isn't the Man's name at all.  The devil would have me rest on false laurels to my death, then chide me for it.  :p  Later.

Feeling better, so... Dig?

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Yep.

I was feeling just enough topped off by 21:00 or so that I decided to do a stealth shop and eat raid.  I need more to drink.  Milk, beer, soda.  I know, but my thirst is... well... when it's on it's on and water is not enough.  Tea, coffee, milk, water, beer, soda, drink mix, and etc.  I drink as if oceans were my floor.  Any one thing is not enough, it becomes annoying, cloying, harsh.  Water becomes painful, in the amounts my body demands.  Resistance is futile.  So it has been long before diabetes was diagnosed... or more properly misdiagnosed.  The Can't-Shoot-Straight gang is at it as usual.  Pick the lowest hanging peg and put your hat on it, then go fucking golfing.  Idiots.  Anyway...

So, I got out, and to town.  I got my fluid, got some food, and headed back.  As I started back it started to snow.  The closer I got to home, only a 23ish mile drive, the heavier the snowfall became.  By the time I got home, if all isn't always exactly as it seems, I ended up with two to three inches in the drive.  I did NOT want to drive on that, then have to scoop the tracks.  So I parked in the frontage area, but far enough in no one would (probably) sideswipe me.  Then I got to shoveling.  Dig, lad, dig.

And so, as I said, feeling better lead to me digging.  I have decided to fill in the blanks, as it seems some aren't very awake when they read here.  You are welcome.  I decided, at first, to just dig out the area I would need to drive on.  However, as I got going, I went ahead and hit the other area.  Then I realized the problem.  If I was to open up the drive area, I would have to let the other area go.  I hit it all twice before I realize I could not win.  So I finished the drive area, backed her in, unloaded groceries, then packed her into her berth.  Then I finished by clearing an area near the garage doors for the third time, then scooped the tracks from the Xterra... yes, by the time I scooped just the drive area there was already about an half inch or more that had fallen on the area I began.  I called it quits, for the night, after that.  Migraine, oh... it was better.  It's threatening again, but I think I shut down just in time.  Night meds might restart it anyway.

Heck of a thing.  Still, it's my lot, I'll stick with it until I am out of the game.  I'm not sure if bedtime is looming or has been pushed off by the double double time this night... shopping and shoveling in one go is a hell of a go boys and girls... especially for a man who is supposed to be dead.  *grins*  Later or good night.

Oh, but first...  I got a lot of negative psychic feedback about the last song of the last bunch.  How do you think Satan meant to muddy the bloodlines?  One way, several, many?  Legion, I tell you.  My way was but one, if probably a more powerful one as can be seen today.  Imagine if my kind was the singer, speaking to her spiritual grandfather and corrupter, not a man.  As with the assassination of Christ, Satan's attempt to corrupt the bloodlines has failed, and his legion, at least the strongest among them, have abandoned him.  There is a better way, a truth.  In the horror of the crucifixion of God and attempt at murdering the bloodline, there are beautiful things.  Just say no, boys and girls.  It's that easy, even for one born to, from, and in darkness.  So... there.  Though I think some of the rejection is that people don't want to think of the first song, and why sin is wrong and always goes wrong to worse.  Hate will not protect them when they cannot lie, this I know.  I have seen it, and believe.  The video is through his eyes, as he sees, or wishes, things.  Not as I see things.  Ask and yea shall receive, innit?

Dark days done.

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There was a time when darkness was what I knew.  It is what I shared for it was all I had.  Murder was on the minds of many of those around me.  A child of darkness, have no doubt.  And yet, even in those days, I had yet to choose.  My darkness was from my nature, not choice.  It was all I had to share, it was all I knew.

Back on medicine.

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There is a cost.  Migraine.  I should, I think, still be asleep.  Half way through, however, the pain came.  Then it got worse.  I can't sleep under this one.  Usually I can out-sleep it, especially if I take some pain killers.  Though usually it won't wake me.  I can outsleep it if it happens when I am awake.  This one is a bad one.  Not so much in intensity as in... something.  There is no break from it.

A shower, first thing.  That helped the headache for a bit.  I almost thought I had beaten it.  Nope.  Nausea and rising body temp are hitting.  No, not the flu.  Part of it is starting up medicine, part of it was sleeping too sound... not moving.  That last, of course, was caused by medicine but can't quite be called the same thing.  This thing is going to pound me into the dirt.  I just took some painkillers.  After my hair dries, I may go on back to bed.  Nasty painful thing.

Well, at least I am back on medicine.  I must have been off it longer than I thought.  As I said, I sort of lost track there for a bit, like I lived in the old days.  You have no idea how much better life is, even as bad as it might still seem.  The difference is that I can remember the good and bad times now.  Back then?  Not a clue, not for long anyway.  Sometimes having no real memory is a good thing.  But, really, it only seems that way.  Living in a fog is horrid.  Later.

I've lost track.

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No major event.  Finding my watch would help a bit.  Probably.  Or not.  Days and nights are a swirl for the last few days.  The long sleep upset everything else.  I think I took the watch off because it was bruising my wrist for some reason.  I think I tried loosening it to no avail.  Internal thermostat (in my body) is wicked off.  Hot, cold, cool, with the temp having no real impact.  Yes, medicine indeed.  I'll keep at it.

I'll do just a bit more then attempt sleep.  I'll set the alarm, but won't push that.  I have simply done far too much, then lost track of medicine.  I'll have some down time.  I'll get medicines going again.  And I'll actually try to keep at work.  The goal is to push, but then to keep up on everything else, not get lost.  That is what survival will take.  It would be easier to give up.  As I have mentioned, God said that wasn't my way.  And so it isn't.  It's sort of humorous.  For so long I could and did ignore God.  Now I follow what I perceive to be His will as well as I am able.  Life is usually better for it, when I can keep up.  Though keeping up is a new thing.  There was a time I moved faster than His words.  I was always just out of earshot.  In some ways I miss that, though I wouldn't trade.  Should I find health, I would find a way to stay within earshot, if my kind can.

Pushed, more, and then some more.

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Then I paid for the ticket to ride.  I can't say exactly, though I am thinking I have been down for eighteen hours.  I got up to use the facilities fairly often, and drink more milk or water before going on back to sleep.  So, yeah, I think I probably pushed a bit much.  And my muscles are sore and weak.  You know that queasy sore/weak muscle problem when you have the flu or such?  Yeah, that.  If I dreamed, I don't remember.  I didn't let the girls in, I needed to roll and scoot and shuffle and they would have been a problem.  I did feed them first thing though.  Poor dears.  They were even patient.  They know when I get ill like this there isn't much I can do.  They weren't even pushing me for food, probably surprised I remembered.  Oh, well, they do have dry food.  Always.  But they really like their canned.  Usually one a day, two every other day in the winter to help with being housebound.  I'll definitely feed them again later.

All good.  It's winter.  I've been shoveling, off and on like a madman.  I could use with a few more days off.  I do need to do laundry, and dishes, and the house in general.  Not sure I can.  I am pleased with what I did though.  Not bad.  I still think that being more active, doing more work, is the way to make it.  It's not nice, easy, or without price.  I don't know how much is good and what is too much.  It's tricky.  I think I did too much but not quite critically too much.  I may end up sleeping long "nights" for a bit for it.  Or not.  Just... putting out the daily report.  Later.

So, what to do when it hurts.

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First, you have to work your way to an understanding.  What hurts, how, and how do I function around or through it.  Sometimes you just have to settle down and let the pain burn off... through healing, growth, death... beyond what is causing suffering.  If you need to bide time, then do so.  If you can figure a way through, as those who survived impaling, by dodging that which kills, then you figure out how to work around the pain and on to other things, surviving is just one.  Today, I spent a good deal dodging, if not escaping, pain.  I wasn't quite willing to give up.

So, after figuring out my pain centers, some workarounds, and a few matters of will, I decided to get out and finish the frontage to my tastes.  While the distances, on each side but in total, that I shoveled was only about half to two-thirds the distance of my driveway... so 15 to 20 yards... it was deep.  I would guess some of it was eight inches, if some of it was less than an inch right beside the road.  The thing is, the thin stuff was frozen and the thick stuff was very slushy.

Yes, if I can, digging into pain is how I dig out of it, sometimes, often.  Since I often hurt, I dig a lot, though not always does it show.  Though, with this blog, my guess is people finally do understand.  They might not believe, but... they know something is going on in there.

If nothing else, I feel much better about the driveway and frontage.  And, should it snow before long, I will be much more ready to hit it and not have to deal with old snow.  The UPS truck will be by tomorrow.  I know he will appreciate it.  Oh, and, while it is warming to well above freezing during the day, as the mid-afternoon approaches, and the sun gets long, those trickles here and there begin to freeze.  Salt has been added.  Only one small patch anymore, but that's the patch that will get you.  No worries tonight or tomorrow.

Later.

I thought.

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Waking and sleeping are crazy.  Four hour spreads, regardless of bedtime.  And, now, this morning, all of them, it hurts.  I thought I would escape any major session of pain.  Though there may be a reason other than physical from shoveling.  Probably a mix.  I keep missing medicine.  The pain isn't the worst I have known, not close.  It just isn't all that good.

On the good side, the sun is up and out.  I can't quite handle having it invade my a.o.  So it lingers just outside, if it creeps in around the curtains.  A cheering action, so no attempt will be made to keep it out.  Not always is the sun welcome, but this is one of those days.  If I had a way to do it, I might even go out in it for a bit.

I'll see what I can do, keep up on things as I can, do what I must if nothing else... if possible.  Oh, I went to bed in time to be up early.  And I woke early.  I just could not pull it together and wake.  I tried many times, finally surrendering to the fact that anything I did would simply make waking more problematic.  Even now, sleeping an extra five hours, I feel like taking a nap already.  I'll... see what I can do.  Later.

Major nap.

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I sort of suspected that, having waken four hours earlier than I have in nearly a week.  I waited until afternoon, technically, then fell flat on my pillow.  No dreams, though I think I woke in there.  Sam wanted in.  Sassy was a bit late, but took my calves instead.  Crazy cats.  Sleep was wonderful.  First thing I did upon waking was shower.  Yes, I have been a bit... too tired to muss with that for a few days.  I love showers, I love being clean, but if waking around and/or standing are a bit much, then, well... I don't.  I catch up when I can.  Farmer, lawyer, etc... if you have to go long, something has to go short.  Figuring out which to allow presentation status for the needs and demands is the trick.  Currently I am free to choose, skip, decide, without... problems.  So I do.

My arms are still sort of mushy.  They can tighten up a bit, with use.  For now I am just recuperating.  And that means slack guns, mostly.  That was more work than when I had gotten up to benching 300, just before moving out here while in Iowa.  I'll bet people, then and now, were expecting me to pop.  It actually makes me think about getting that heater going, then beginning to work out some out in the garage.  I can obviously, at least for the moment, handle that in the medium-short term.  I'll think about it.  I would have to get some clothes for that sorted out, figure out the heater, and all else.  But, yeah, possible.  That and snowshoeing.  Then again, I tend to push until I overdo, then end up exactly where I currently am... on my butt.  Still, worth a shot, something, anything.  What will kill me is never getting up.  Plus I like to do things, when I can.

Later.

Up, and quite early.

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Very odd.  Awake at just before 9:00.  I didn't go to bed much earlier, if at all.  I actually woke, first, a bit before 7:00.  I thought setting the alarm for 8:00 would be cute.  Didn't even hear it go off.  No clue what is up with sleep.  My guess is, as I am healing from the workout, I am needing less sleep.  There is another sprinkling of frozen bits out there.  I wouldn't call it a real snow.  Looks more like dropped frozen rain, from here.  I'll have to get to it before long.  That might sweep off.  I can't be sure, but it might.  First things first, coffee and a shower.  Maybe some gaming.  For, while I am awake, I am not comfortably awake?  Yeah.

Do I need comfort?  No.  I simply like it.  I will let my body attempt to figure things out.  It just doesn't feel good.  Since there is no rush, I prefer to let my body figure the world out before I just shove it into gear.  I almost suspect that some of my issues come from pushing like there was no tomorrow.  I suppose, given my condition, I have done just that.  Which is why I am in a bit of a spot.

My stomach feels like I have been in a fight.  The lower back has a powerful tickle from time to time, and muscles under all that haven't been used like that in a very long time have trace tickles, the threaten pain, from time to time.  Lungs are a bit tight too.  Cold air, mostly, and large volume exchanges, both, tend to tickle things in there.  Improving, but it's still a bit rough.  Which is why, for the most part, I have been parked lately.  If today is just a sweeper, I will be quite grateful.  Sweeping is much easier.

Later.

While a bit late, earlier.

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My days have been slipping a bit, and worse.  I hit a patch a few days ago where I started to wake a bit earlier and more.  I don't know if I can reverse this aspect of time.  I do it rarely, I try often.  Time will tell.

I grilled ribs last night.  It was... frozen rain snowing, sort of.  I swept a tract near the garage entrance, then took a path out to the front of the drive and did a bit there.  Mostly just hoping to help for the morning while I was cooking.  I wasn't ready to do the whole thing last night.  Especially with food on the way and then a meal, plus it being later.  As I said, I did what I could in the time of cooking.  Once eating commenced, all bets where off.

So, this morning, first thing, even before I officially woke, I checked.  Okay, a bit, maybe an inch.  What I had worked on actually, somehow, stayed mostly clear so the effort had helped.  Back to it, right first thing.  I used the broom on some of it.  As I got to the virgin areas that I had not worked last night, the broom became less useful.  The shovel worked and easily from then on.  Only, maybe, an inch.  The base was becoming slush, but hadn't started freezing yet.  Yes, boys and girls, your... favorite... ogre finished snappily.  I laid salt in the areas where traffic will happen, as I could only get most of the gunk up and it was beginning to freeze.  The last bits simply would not lift without a ton of work.

How do I feel?  Wonderful.  You know, unless the snow is deep, it isn't the weight in the scoop.  It's the bending and lifting.  Light or heavy, that is something I have not done, not this intensely, for ages.  That will get me from now until I'm an hundred.  At which time I am not going to shovel anymore.  Heck, might give it up in my 90's.  Laugh?  Then again, shouldn't you be laughing about a guy who could be on the heart transplant list shoveling?  Race you!

All good.  I haven't done anything else this weekend.  If I am going to be a good boy, I best get to some of these things on my list.  Laundry, dishes, a shower... bleh.  Later.

Tumbling through time and dreams again.

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This time I caught less than last.  However, again, I was sure it was much later.  I woke at 13:00(ish).  I know, from getting up several times, that it was more like 17:00, urhm, earlier.  Never mind all that.  The sleep is good.  Both needed and wanted.  I am still in pretty heavy recovery, or having some other problem... can't be too sure.  Taking a few down days, at least, is required.  Though, as suggested, I might be able to kick a few things out of the park.  Laundry can be started, dishes, and some work in the kitchen.  If I can keep the work low key as I recover, I might just burrow in here at home for a week or two and really work on home.  I love having a clean home, I'm just not good at it.

What?  Oh... I think I will grill meats this afternoon... more like on into evening.  I love love grilled meat.  I have potatoes too, and carrots.  I suppose I could figure something out with those.  Oh, and if the last of the greens are good, I might well add them together and make a salad.  I do like a salad once in a great while.  More a way to enjoy more fats, mind you.  *wink*  Yes, boys and girls, I am all about protein and fat, then everything else in moderation.  Then again, I survived nearly 25 years of a failed heart without medical care for it.  You can knock my notions all you like, but unless you think I truly am unique in very peculiar ways, you might well take my example as a lesson.  One way or the other, not both.  Though, to be honest?  Not my problem.

Oh, best get medicines set up for another two week set, and probably just refill the other one.  It just works better to have a month set up, then go from there.  I do try to remember medicines.  I have slipped a few times this week.  Oddly, I did well while shoveling.  During my break, in the evenings, I started forgetting.  I was crashing pretty hard, I think, is why.  Failure isn't just an option, it's a likelihood.  In some aspects of failure, the cessation of life, it is a guarantee.  So... don't worry about failing, or succeeding.  Just keep going until you can't, and fall, then arrange for the next ride.  Keep getting up, even knowing that you have to eventually fail.  THAT is the school we were sent to learn in.  That isn't the only lesson, just one of them.  Well... on to today's lesson.

Later.

Not always as planned.

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I made it to town, and about when I had hoped.  Popcorn, popper, butter, and some other things.  Not everything.  Even the movie was left.  Ah well, perhaps next time.  He had <i>Master and Commander</i>, which while we have both seen, we both like.  So that was good.  Next time I will remember the movies.

It was a light evening.  We did go to the store.  We both had a small list.  I got everything, plus, as usual.  It was a fast visit, then back.  I really am not feeling up to much running around.  A little was good, and I really wanted those medicine sets.  Now I have three extra, if one of those will probably be put to use before too long.  Those things really only last a year or two.  With one having failed, the other might well be on the way out.  Still, that gives me two extra.  Which gives me time to replace one, then begin shopping for replacements before being clean out of extras.  I have found that keeping extra extra in stock, as ill as I can be, really buys me time.

Today, or really tonight yet, tomorrow?  I don't know.  I think my sleep is just off.  Not much I can do about it but swim against the flood until I can make some sort of headway again.  All fine.  I am still feeling a bit worn.  I was a little surprised I was able to get out today, but pleased.  I am hoping to get back to it before long.  I have other things I really want to do.  Later.

Dream after dream.

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I couldn't sleep until late.  My body just... too tired?  Yes, something in that neighborhood.  Not a terrible thing, just off.  Then I slept so well.  Waking though, to dreams, which I go through just a bit next.  Powerful.  I kept waking for bathroom use, too.  Just, everything was off.  And, for much of the sleep, I felt as if I was back in the white-water.  No control, if I was pretty sure I would survive.  I couldn't always make sense of what was about me, where I was, what was happening.  In the end, I think, it made sense for the most part.  I thought I saw the time.  First 15:00, then 17:00, time was flying.  I wanted to wake, I simply could not.

It all came to some sort of conclusion.  Some order was put to it.  Waking, real waking, began to happen.  I figured it must be 18:00, or later.  Had to be.  In my dreams, I was angry.  While it was what time it was, it wasn't supposed to be that time.  So... I changed it back.  My conscious mind knew that wasn't possible, my impossible mind cared not about what is possible.  Imagine my surprise when I looked and saw that it was just after 14:00 when I woke.  All good though.  It means my day schedule, if a little off, might be salvageable.  As to meddling with time?  I'll leave that for you to decide upon.  I was just setting down to the machine to write a post, then call my friend, when he called.  Yeah, I'll get it.  We arranged affairs, he would like to go with me when I pick up a medicine set or four, then a movie or two.  Popcorn for me, he can't handle the corn skins anymore.  All fine.  I just had to post this, listen to some music, have this cup of joe and maybe another, then get in and shower.  All good.

The forecast says...

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Nothing until Saturday, and then that is supposed to be rain.  Of course, if it cools enough while raining, after raining, or even potentially before, then during and after... or some combination, that could turn to ice.  Is is not easy to negotiate, even with salt.  A bit of salt while it is coming down, and keeping an eye on things, might work.

I couldn't get to sleep as easily as I had hoped.  Just... achy, a bit.  Nothing major, and not even really painful.  Sort of like how, in an old house, the thing creaks for no seeming reason.  I really did work the heart and body.  I could do more, but would rather not, for a while.  I'm not sure how much more I could honestly take, just that this isn't the end of the line, but if I hit the end of the line that'll be that for a month or something.  Probably.  I'll go down hard.  Still, that was a really good push.  And it didn't cripple me.

I think, maybe, I can get out tomorrow.  I don't want to do a whole lot.  I would like to pick up some medicine-sets, take in the movie, popcorn, machine, and maybe a couple of bigger bowls.  Or something.  It's good having friends who are about as bad off as you, sometimes.  Then I plan to take the rest of the weekend off, or at a very slow attempt at cleaning up.  Good night.

A bit weary.

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The nap was a bit long, though not as long as it might seem.  I have been awake for a good bit now.  I know I dreamed, of war.  Wars that no man will see but others will.  Not all things are about men, you know.  Men, however, will choose when.  The rest is out of their hands on the grander scales.  Each man will have some choices, to some degrees, in his environment.  But in the final war, no man will make any of the real major choices.  The men fighting, initially, will only be men who are fighting for other men, all of who are fallen.  It won't be until these have burned themselves out, and ground the other factions, pretty much, to nothing that another will find his place, call his army... a pitiful unenviable and small host.  It is this army that will resist, and their leader who will call an end to the war through the laying of the dark enemy, to a man, to death in the streets.  Not with arms but with word.  Will, really, but spoken will.  So says a Pied Piper.  Or Jester, Coyote, Raggedy Man, among other names or titles...  *wink*

Anyway, so dreams go.  Someone must ensure that everyone is in their place, in their due time, for the show must go on.  Just do not think that one has to surrender to the belief in the affair, any more than the stage manager must believe in the theater he is helping to present.  Thankfully, a choice was proffered and accepted, and yet a job remains.  Such dreams.  Oh, sure, a middling role is to be played beside.  Some shows are all hands on deck.

I am pretty worn, tuckered.  I will not be shoveling extra on the frontage, as I had proposed.  I am hoping, however, to stay up a bit, have a meal, play the game for a bit, be up reasonably early tomorrow, and check on my friend in the afternoon.  A movie, popcorn perhaps, and a trip to town.  His recliner should be in.  Curious.  I have some, but they are a bit old and small for me.  I have been thinking of getting a bigger one, for when my ankles are troubling.  Which, actually, is fairly rare.  More a thing when I forget my water pill than when I eat excess salt.  No work today, and maybe not tomorrow.  Not sure about a trip to town either, but... that's tomorrow.

Later, or good night.

So strange.

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A day or two of rest, a special moment of repose, and the future and past become available in such odd forms.  I suppose it may mean nothing, or everything.  Perhaps, after feeding the girls, I'll take a short nap.  Even when good, life can be hard in ways.  Beautiful, too.

Wonderful!

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No new snow, no frozen rain, and the sun is shining.  A day or two off snow duty and I am feeling better.  I woke at 8:00 in spite of having gone to bed a bit later.  Though I went to bed earlier than usual too.  I am still sleeping a bit longer.  That is what happens when you push an older class destroyer to it's limits.  Nothing I can't survive it seems.  Still, waking to a clear driveway and sunshine is a great boost to the ego.  I won't say I can always do that.  I will say it is more possible, as I see things.  The more I can do myself, the longer my timeline, if that isn't in my hands, what of it is I will work as I may.

Today is mostly a day of rest.  I wouldn't mind getting a few things sorted and started.  It just won't be a day at the races.  Old home day, no more.  Coffee!  I haven't had that in a while, doing tea lately for some odd reason.  Good enough, I suppose.  Nice for a change.  But it isn't coffee.  Hmm... my friend suggests he does coffee in the morning, tea at night.  Might be worth a while to mix and match things as such for a bit.  Plus, getting in some honey isn't all bad.

I did test sugars, pretty high still, but not the 500, or higher, it had been.  Now that I am back on track I will begin to monitor and pay attention.  I have some options to sugar that I like, if even these will have to be checked to see if they fit my goals.  With medicine coming in, and me back on regular doses, I will start tending consumption and seeing what works and what doesn't.  As I said though, my system is really screwy.  It doesn't match up with what they have been telling me, not in a patent way.  So... I need to figure it out myself, a bit.  I know what they want, numbers-wise, now it's up to me to achieve those since their advice doesn't hold up well.  Fair enough.  If I want to live, it behooves me to pay attention and make the effort.

Life is good.  A day of rest is great.  I may be out tomorrow.  Hmm...  I may just take a movie over, tomorrow, and some popcorn.  A bit of butter and I find I don't need all that much salt on popcorn anymore.  An air popper cuts the fats to just butter.  A nice gig once in a while, now that I found popcorn that seems to fit the region... being dryer and higher elevation, a different popcorn was needed.  My old standby just didn't work in the highlands.  Anyway.... later.

So far, no new snow.

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I'm hoping for a day off.  Not sure that will happen, just that it would be good.  Looking out at a clean driveway has never felt so good, even if it is just for a bit.  It is great to know that I did a lot of it.  I'm not sure how.  It's not as if I don't try other times when I fail, or that I tried any harder this time.

A hoagie sandwich.  Salami, havarti, sliced onion, tomato, and avocado, between two slices of ciabatta bread.  Oh, and a large glass of milk.  The tomatoes were good.  I smelled them before taking them.  If tomatoes don't smell... green, or... earthy... there is a specific tomato smell, then I won't buy them.  These are as good as they smelled.

I am tired though.  I can't quite get to sleep though either.  It's a bit of a bother.  I will be trying shortly.  Later, or good night.

Tired.

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Happily worn.  That sort of feeling you get when you feel like you have done something.  I am not sure I can sleep yet, though I think I can shrink wrap my world in preparation for sleep.  I feel very good, as I like to feel.  Working yourself into condition for sleep makes sleep a medicine, joy, pleasure, need, rather than being just a simple function.  If it snows tomorrow I will shovel tomorrow, unless it starts to snow and doesn't stop.  Though maybe even then, just to not fall too far behind.  If it doesn't snow tomorrow, I may still get out and do a bit more of the frontage area.  Oh, and I am hoping to get back to work on the inside as well.  Laundry, dishes, the freezer, the kitchen, and the bathroom are all on my shortest list, if the order of the list isn't well defined.

My friend called.  His sister will be here until Friday.  She works him like my mother works me, comparatively.  He being more ill, as to affect, with age.  She shopped him until he dropped too.  My mother did the same thing, several times though.  All I did was let him know that I understand, that I think it's funny... more so when it's someone else's turn, and mostly let it go.  He said they had work to do, I made a simple offer but was told they had it handled.  So be it.  I didn't really want to work, I only thought it polite to offer.  Many have helped me.  And I seem to be doing slightly better of late.

Yeah, a bit of gaming as I chill toward sleep.  Good night.

There are limits.

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I've hit a, what I call, soft cap.  I can do more, and easily enough.  I just really don't want to.  I made it to town, did most of my shopping, realized the road was narrowing so I had a bite to eat and then ran home.  I am tired.  Not overly tired.  Just a simple weariness settled into my body and that is that.  Unless there is a disaster and great need, I am done for a bit.

I forgot my phone, so didn't know if my friend had returned my call.  Seems not.  I did receive a call from my doc, I'll check it after the groceries are put up and I have rested a bit, or tomorrow.  I am rather shot.  While it might be looking to get ugly and snow again, it hasn't started that yet.  To great cheer.  If it does snow, I will keep at it as long and well and I can.  If I can't do it a day, I'll skip that day, if two days off are needed, or three, so be it.  I'll do what I can when I can.  Though, from the looks of it, it seems as if I am doing well.

Be well.  Get to it if you can.  If you can't, call me to laugh with or at you.  Maybe both if you are extra lucky.  Anyway... I'll get the groceries up and then put my butt down.  It's needs to be gifted with a chair, and very soon.  Later.

Showered and shaved.

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I am most of the way to getting out of the house to town.  I didn't just do a light shave this time, either.  No sir.  I trimmed it first with the electric trimmer then set up the sink for a hot sudsy safety razor shave.  I haven't quite worked my way to a straight, or saftety straight, razor yet.  For now this will do.  Next, I simply have to finish dressing.  I did call my friend.  No answer so I left a message.  I thought about, since I know his message plays to whoever is there, asking if his sister is gone so we can go to the girly dancing show in Vegas, then swing for some swill in Reno.  I was truly tempted, especially if I thought his sister was still here.  But, no, not yet.  Yes, I have gotten my friends in trouble before.  Though usually innocent like this, since we aren't planning any such thing.  *Cheshire Cat grins*

I best get going if I want some of that bread, and I do.  I may pick up some more deli.  Just a bit this time.  I truly enjoyed, some of it.  I have decided that deli corned beef is not for me.  Salamis of various sorts, rare roast beef, and cheeses will do nicely.  I'm not even a great lover of ham.  I am sure there might be a ham out there I like, for deli.  It would just take some digging.  Just a matter of tastes, really.

I best be off.  Little time for a bread purchase, though a good reason to get back to town later this week should I miss it.  Though... it would be nice to be mostly caught up on my lists for a while, for once.  Later.

So far so good.

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The driveway is still clear.  Nothing dropped after.  It looks like there is some melting, though that my just be from roof-melt.

Muscles are just a bit tight, everywhere.  More like wearing compression clothing than anything.  Every once in a while I get a bit of an intramuscular tickle.  I suspect, if I tightened those muscles hard, right as the tickle runs, I'd get a charlie horse.  Small things, not even really complaints.  Only, perhaps, warnings not to go do somersaults down some sledding hill or such.  *grins*

Out?  I'd sure like to get out.  Just to get out, a bit.  Though milk and cream is probably needed.  I hope I get the day off, of other snow.  If I do, and tomorrow, I'll hit the frontage area, shoveling another ten yards, maybe fifteen.  It really makes back in quicker and safer.  Why back in?  Trying to back out, on even this moderately and pretty reliably busy road in the winter or summer is a trick.  Better to go nose out.  More winter, when hitting the gas might just cause a little movement, then spinning and no movement.

Yeah, well, it's nice to have taken care of the snow last night.  At least since it didn't snow more.  Boy do I need a shower though.  I had hoped to get one in last night, there just wasn't enough energy left.  I think a trip to town will be kept very simple.  Just some shopping, a bite, and back home.  Later.

More.

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Snow.  Of course.  Between 2 and 3 inches, up to plus an half inch... no minuses there.  I thought about shoveling it tonight.  My ego wasn't up to shoveling if it was just going to keep snowing on me though.  I have worked to minimize my ego, but between having some healthy... I think... notions of ego, there is also morale.  Both, at this time, are weak.  Anyway, I kept watching.  I never did see it slow down, not the last time I looked.  I decided to get up and out anyway.  Surprise!  It had stopped snowing and the clouds had cleared out!  Wouldn't have mattered, if I might not have done what I did.

The drive way, complete, of course.  Though no one will be using the sidewalk too soon, I decided to get that anyway.  You never know.  Then I went on to the frontage areas, east and west, and did about 40 yards of that, mostly to the east as I tuckered out there at the last to the west.  Still, now I can glide in, then back into my drive off the road.  Yes... I am a peculiar cat, and pay the price for it.  Oh, and again, I did it all in one shot.  A few breathers, standing mind you, but not more than enough to catch my breath.  I really should get my canteens in action.  Water really helps.

Now, whether you consider this, the end of my day, as Tuesday, then I have shoveled every day since Friday, and shoveled last Wednesday too, I think.  Three of them have been deep or water-heavy.  One I did receive help with.  Yeah... not bad.  If nothing else comes in, at least before I can get out, I will go shopping.  Just milk, maybe some of that fancy bread, and to see if my friend wishes to go along.  His sis was supposed to be in town, and he sounded... a bit private about that.  Fine.  I'll still share my mum if she gets back out this way.  A dinner or such.  It's how we do.  No, seriously, no fuss.  Still, I'll see if she is still here, if he and/or she would like to go out, or what else is up.  If it snows, however, I may just shovel and call it a day.

I may yet take a shower.  Right elbow has a bit of a sting to it, thighs and midsection are smarting a bit.  All else is good.  Love me some work.  You should have seen when I was healthy.  No one believes... so... fine.  But I'm telling you... and you should listen. Good night.

Just resting.

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I'm not all broken up, just a bit on the tired side.  I have played games, blogged, and read.  That is it for the day.  I could have made it out, I could have done laundry or dishes.  I just get that wasn't the best choice.  I shoveled snow from Friday through to yesterday, plus last Wednesday I think?  I am tuckered.  Oddly, the only thing that is a bit sore is my midsection, as if I had done a bunch of setups.  I did miss medicine, in pill form, last night.  I got the other stuff.  Which surprises me.  I would have thought I would have missed more medicine with the work.

I am hoping to get out tomorrow.  A bit of shopping, something to eat, and just to be on the road.  Nothing fancy, not a lot.  I need to pick up more pillboxes.  One of them broke, the other might be about to break since I bought them at the same time.  This time I would like to buy four.  Having a few extra just means shopping isn't as vital.  Medboxes really help me stay regular.  As poorly as I can do, this is much better than before, without.  I am learning that prep isn't just for disasters.

I'm just waiting for dinner, then I'll be heading to bed.  Sleep sounds fantastic.  Good night.

Nice!

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First thing I do these days, is look out a window.  It isn't even about if new snow has fallen, but how much.  I resigned to the notion, just like to prep body and mind as I wake by knowing, possibly, what I face.  The snow yesterday, I thought, wasn't deep and was fresh, so it looked easy.  It ended up being the absolutely most difficult of the shoveling I have done, none of it being easy though.  Ice sticking to the pavement, regular snow removal, working in rain a bit, ugly.  So, today, I was hoping for just snow.  Even three inches isn't too back, as long as there is no ice.  As warm as it has been lately, if ice isn't there right away, best to remove it quickly or ice will form under the pack.

However, this morning, when I looked?  No snow.  Or, not yet.  The salt has been useful, though has thinned greatly by being useful.  So... I will, sometime today, add a bit more salt in those important, high-use areas.  I like to keep people safe.  Slipping can really bust someone up, and there isn't anything the pedestrian can do about it.  I try to minimize salt use, for a number of reasons.  But if it comes right down to keep my vehicle or people safe, salt will be used.  Ah, but the sight of a clear driveway was a grand thing.  I am still mush.  Probably will be for another day or two.

I am not sure if I am going to get to town today.  If it was a simple choice, I would.  I may be a bit to mushy to shop.  Though I might be able to pull it off.  If it doesn't snow by afternoon.  If I can squeeze a shower in.  If I simply can, and then want to push as well.  I know I can, I am simply not sure, in full, that the price, today, is worth the cost.  The cold isn't even a bother, just raw main energy use.

On to some tea.  Good morning, day.

When I break through...

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You would think I would see stars.  Which, yeah, okay.  Some.  But, no.  Neither stars nor black nor pain.  When I break through breaking through several other layers, I see why.  She, her, call her what you will.  Not one, never yet, but maybe.  When I break through I realize that is what I need to do to be able to make a jab at possession.  She will be difficult, even... perhaps especially... if she is on  my... or our... side.  Oh, I'm sure, great physical strength is good for sex too.  But that isn't all or even most of it.  Besides, that part I can still do standing on my hands.  Crazy, I know.  Didn't say I was similar to most, didn't say it makes sense.  Anyway, after brutalizing my bod for the last few days, in a way even a health man would fear and have trouble doing, she is on my mind.

Nothing but mush.

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Not the drive.  I actually did a really good job of that.  Though it is raining, now.  Seems better than snow, if it can drain off, though it may just be more and more trouble.  It will, before long, if it continues, wash the salt off again, for sure.  No, I am mush.  I can't squeeze my biceps into much.  First, it hurts a bit.  Second, the best I can muster through that is a ball of clay.  There is some meat there, from simple size, but not much else.

The lower back was murder, about half way through the job.  I worked through the pain and it just went away.  My legs are like my biceps... mush.  Now, it's not like I can't do more.  I have hit the icy patches several times since, brought the trash bin back close to the house too.  And I hope to get a shower in, then maybe do some laundry.  But I am not going to push it, or even promise those things.  I could do a lot more, but I would fade quickly.  If I can figure things out, I think I can do much better in time.  I am not sure I can.  I am sure I want to, for fun such as camping, hiking, and snowshoeing... for work, just stuff around, in, and out of the cave... and because.  Who wants to be a cripple?  I sure don't.  Rather work hard, and have the health for it, than fail.  Up to a point, of course.

In my prayers, I have been thanking God.  Both for the snow and the gumption to go to it.  I am well pleased to do.  I offer these things to His glory, really.  They are His, not mine.  I'm just pleased to be able to do the work.  I am certain it pleases Him.  If nothing else it means I keep at it, beyond even my realistic means.  I suspect, as much as I have overdone overdoing, He has probably been right there with me.  Not that I won't keel over, I just won't do so alone.  *grins*  Later.

Wow. That was a lot of work.

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It wasn't the deepest snow, but it was the heaviest by far.  Wet.  As if two inches of rain had fallen, then three inches of snow had topped it.  Worse, the bottom layers were beginning to freeze.  Even though it had been completely cleared and salted yesterday!  Some ran off, but much stayed.  Brutal.

My first idea was to do all the work necessary to get it all up in one go.  Whoa!  That worked like firing a shotgun with the barrel in the wrong direction.  I would know, too.  Yes, Precious, Doom has done some... interesting things in and with his life.  As with the shotgun, no blood no foul.  An immediate change of strategy was required.  Did I mention it was brutal?

So, I went with getting the bulk of wet, unfrozen, snow off first.  That was rather beastly of a chore.  But, over time, I did get it.  I then noticed, with the snow/slush gone, the ice underneath was partially thawing.  So... I got to getting that off.  I tried low and slow, then high impact.  Alright, boys and girls, I am no longer capable of true high impact work.  So, back to low and slow.  I hit every piece of that drive three times.  That was as good as I could get it, promises.  Then I laid salt where it would be crucial... for dinner deliver, for me unpacking the Xterra from the store, whatnot.  But not all of the drive.  I think I hit a couple of ice patches that resisted my greatest efforts too.  Oh, and I did it all in one run.  No break, no nap.  Brutal.

Indeed, life is coming back.  I really should be crippled up, crying like a babe, maybe dying.  Not... thinking about what to do next.  Fuck it, I'll take it.  I always thought I had more to do before I was done.  And, for my part, have always been willing if not always able.

Hmm?

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I really thought I would be in rough shape.  I keep expecting, one day, for nothing to work.  Usually, pushing for a few days in a row will rock my world in the worst of ways.  Pain, exhaustion, schedule twists, then everything else can go downhill from that.  Food irregularity or absence, medicine becoming hit and miss, confusion on top of malaise on top of misguided will, and so on.  Often, if I push, it can all collapse all at once.  Though, this last later winter into early spring, I did go for months at a high pace... until I dropped for about six months.  I don't think it had anything to do with working hard, I had made it past that point.  (Uhrm, when I say working hard, I mean that within my paradigm... a comparative thing.)  I am almost hitting that here and now.  Perhaps I am well enough to go in longer, healthier, shifts.  No guarantees.  I can drop like a rock in a bucket, even when doing well.  I'll just get back up sooner than not.

A bit more snow, but just a spit.  I think the broom should work on that.  And more salting... Whatever happened the other day, it seems to have eaten the salt.  It just isn't keeping the ice away as it usually does.  Well, snow sweeping, then trash and maybe recycling out, then a shower.  I'll see after that.  Hmm... I best get going.  Actually it's probably too late for recycling, so I will focus on trash.

Sleep has been good.  I keep dreaming of the two main sorts of man... or manlike beings.  Man, of course, most know.  Fallen, failed, but with hope.  Just as with man's war with tyranny, man will only lose that fight when he chooses to do so.  And, if prophecy is true, he will.  Today?  Tomorrow?  In a thousand years?  That depends on the heart of each man, then totaled.  It has happened many times, in smaller ways.  It just hasn't happened the final, and total, way... or irrecoverably.  The other sort of man is nephelim.  He is real, he is here.  As a general rule he only hates those with the mark of Cain more than man.  If these are true because, as a very regular general rule, he can't seem to know God.  Know of?  Heard about?  Felt the lash?  Sure.

As I mentioned, I read the bible before I was 10.  Before the Navy, I read it... three more times probably (New Testament).  Since I have read it twice more, plus the Old Testament three times, to catch up a bit.  You know I had to be looking for something.  I knew, to my mind, something was in there.  I also looked in various churches.  Why look so diligently if... there wasn't something... a hope, a belief that hadn't quite taken root, something.  It wasn't until I was early midlife, and by then mostly dead, that something started calling.  Even then it was so... difficult to hear.  Even having to be rested, even in a mostly quiet life, even nearly dead, my nature resisted that call.  It took fifteen years to finally be sure I heard, then having to fight the notion, argue it, challenge God and have Him win.  Even then it took another three years to thrash through all of the paperwork.  Like or not, the Catholic church is not big on invitations.

Oh, don't get me wrong, they are happy enough if you decide to join.  But to become Catholic takes some serious effort, especially for someone in my condition.  It was really up to me.  They would offer the time and place and education, which is a lot.  But it takes... six months?  A year?  Can't remember.  It takes a while, with extra meetings each Sunday, and perhaps other things.  Mostly for someone coming back or the prospective wife or husband hoping to do things right.  Anyway...  It was a brutal battle to find God, to hear Him.  You just have no idea.  Even mostly dead and I fought Him tooth and nail.  Still not sure if He calls all my kind or if just a few of us.  Like marriage, Christianity, of the true kind, is a...  TRAP!  Then again, those are the price for a family and a good eternal life.  Some traps are better than others.

Anyway... the dreams...  In them I see how strange they both are, see with true vision.  So pale, those giants and other of the nephilim.  So cold, intelligently animal, brutal, and yet compassionate to their own... in a very limited play.  Some suggest they should only love and care for their own.  And, up to a point, within their limitations to a degree, that is true.  However, if you stop there, you will be no better than animals.  Even if that is simply tribal?  Yes.  If you limit your compassion to just your own, even just allies at times... animal.  Nephilim, unless they can hear God, and most can't, are extremely worldly creatures.  With spirit, that is what allows them to stay and return.  But without soul.  A dark people doomed to die when the age of flesh is done, for flesh will be burned away and there will be no place for spirits to rise.

Whether man does it with bombs, or the universe does it with a super nova, or this star just ages beyond it's use then becomes a giant, life will end.  Life is an anomaly.  It isn't natural, at all.  It shouldn't exist.  I believe I have heard that the universe isn't so much good or evil, that is a thing of certain aspects of life.  No, the universe is the great balancer, equalizer.  It wants things to balance out.  Since life is unnatural, the universe tends to look for a way to remove this, in a secular sense, sin that is life.  And, one day, it will.  I do not believe, no matter what science has produced so far, that life is natural at all.  Funny thing to note, those who study nature... whether biology or physics... seem to believe there is too much life.  It's more than a study, these days.  It's a partial religion of death, academia that is.  So smart they wish to undo life, even that of their own.  Worse than animals, I guess.

Hrmm?  I don't know.  Blathering as I wake.  Not even sure what I wrote.  I need to get the trash out, and perhaps do some sweeping and salting while I am at it.  Later.

Finally.

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Like it or not, I did get back out.  I shoveled the last of the snow, then salted a couple of areas which I and others use regularly.  The sun was out today, or close.  I think the weather has broken.  I took a shower before getting out.  I wasn't sure I would be up to taking a shower after I finished.  A brutal set of days.  Lots of shoveling, lots of work, too much snow.  I am hoping things taper off soon.  Still, I know now, sometimes, I can work right through troubles.

Trash and maybe recycling need to go out tonight.  And I'd like to at least get my clothing back to the laundry room.  If I am doing okay, I might run one load.  Or not.  Dishes need to be done as well.  I've been spot hitting the bathroom.  The floor needs swept and mopped.  I'll see what I can do.  Tuesday, I believe, is the day I would like to get out.  I'll probably take two pair of slacks to the dry cleaner that day, and do minor grocery shopping.

This week, generally, is being used for housework.  I'll push a bit.  Though I've probably really overdone.  Still, a bit of work, here and there, might be okay.  I am doing well for having really overdone.  Tomorrow is definitely a down day.  Tuesday... maybe, if I still hope to get out that day.  All good, boys and girls.  Either I am peculiar, as regards health, or I just, medically, walked on water.  :p  Later.

More snow.

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Not too much more.  As I mentioned in a comment, while out grilling steak last night, at about 23:00, I noticed more down.  So... I shoveled six to seven feet out from the drive, just, hopefully, to give myself a good start today.  I then ate, goofed until I could come down, and then went to bed a bit before 4:00.  Just could not go down.  Upon waking at around noon, I looked out while passing that way.  No more snow on top of what arrived before midnight.  But it's enough.  Yes, when I get my life together a bit, and a shower and dry time, I'll be back out there.  I'm doing amazingly well for a dead guy.  *grins*

A bit stiff in the lower back, of course.  My muscles are actually in better shape than they were, not as stiff and sore.  All else is pretty good.  I'll keep at it, I suppose.  The love of work has waned just a wee, but the ability and will to it remains just as strong.  Yeah, life ain't bad.

Later.

Yes indeed.

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Now, being the time of day it was, I had some suspicion that I might get the snow removed before help arrived.  What I did not take into account was that it is a weekend.  Normally helpers would be otherwise occupied at that time.  So, I was rather surprised to see help had arrived.  Though, too, I must admit that I was happy.  I was pretty sure I wouldn't be able to do the whole thing, myself, again.  I had full intention of doing as much as I could.  And maybe, through time, I would have gotten it.  I was quite pleased with help.  I really needed it this time.  A good run mind you, but over my head.  Ah, and we measured.  There is a width along the road, as wide as my driveway, but that isn't paved.  The paved part is actually 30 yards, which is what I suggested to them.  And, right on the dot.  Plus another ten feet of gravel along the road, which, if I can, I clear another 90 feet along.  I often said 40 feet or 50 feet, here, but trying to... not brag or exaggerate.  I really did think it was 30 yards though... 90 feet.  It is, and now I know.

I tried to use the snowblower on some of that extra length, but it died.  I'll let it sit for a bit.  I'll check the oil before I go to town next time.  But, when it died, I sort of did too.  I am done with shoveling, sweeping, and machining for a while.  Still, hopefully, I will get out Monday or Tuesday.  There are a few minor items I wish to buy, some grocery shopping, and a few slacks to the dry cleaners.  I know, I keep trying to get my Sunday-go-to-meeting wear set up, and I will.  So much to do, so little time I can actually functionally use.  I'll get there.

Later, or good night.  A spot of food, first, though, for sure.  Steak!?!  I think I have some thawed.  Yum!  Still, whether I'll post again is a whole other issue.  Be well in either case.

I think I can.

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I really do.  No, I'm not in the best of shape.  My lower back is a bit tight and sore.  My arm and leg muscles are a bit tight and queasy.  And yet I am not completely out of the running.  How much I can do at a time, or altogether, time will tell.  I think, if it doesn't snow on top of my efforts, I might be able to get the whole thing.  And, one way or another, I very likely will get it all done, if not hitting it twice if it snows more.  I will only be able to get ahead if this is it, for snow, for now.  If not I will at least get the old off.  And since I do it in shifts, I might have all of it off some areas... at least by the time I finish.  Winter can be harsh, innit?  Not bad for a gimp, either.

Gaming goes on.  For not great particular reason, I am attempting to level this tune rather highly.  That is what makes pve (player versus environment... as opposed to pvp, or player versus player) much easier.  The problem with high level pvp is that most players don't want to, and perhaps can't, play pve well enough to level that high.  Most pvp players are in it merely for the stupid attacks on other players, which means many of of just skip social to avoid pvp hacks.  Not interested.  Though it would be nice to be able to play online without the risk of invasion, for cooperative attacks on in-game bosses, and reading messages.  As I see it, pvp ruins this, and many other games.  It is the attempt to make us all borg.  Not interested.

In any case, I am doing well in the game.  I think there is still a boss or two I skipped earlier, because they were beyond my skills.  Bosses I need to find then take down.  The game is interesting, in that you can skip many boss fights.  The ones you can't skip, you can level to beat.  The ones you can skip, by the time you first meet them, you may well not have a good chance of leveling to beat.  Some idiots tell you to just do it, in spite of their obvious failures to do so well or easily.  I have found a better path, and learned when to ignore the advice of idiots.

Well, on to snow removal.  Should be interesting.  I am hoping, though this takes me down for a bit, it opens up the opportunity for me to get out snowshoeing and winter camping.  I'm hoping this will help me get back into shape.  And it just might.  Later.

Not too much more snow.

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But enough.  And, with some on top of other, after this and that.  I did removed the larger chunks, from each side.  And yet an inch or two more down after one side was cleaned, then an inch or two on the other side.  Only the sidewalk had just a bit more, the least.  If I can, I will get back out there.  I will probably use the snowblower, at least on the heavier parts.

Sore?  Tired?  A bit.  Nothing to write home about, if nothing to sneeze at.

I would sure enjoy a shower, before anything else.  Then, perhaps, after a few or more hours of waking, get back to it if I can.  It seems I have been doing enough work to have... opened up the opportunity for more work, or less pain from work.  If I can continue I will.  If I could just keep that ability to work up I could do a lot more in life.  Some of my failure is physical, when the heart is really bad or not doing enough in a particular area (like not feeding muscles due to the demand by vital organs), or when those organs aren't in the queue and are complaining.  Some of it is more mental... can't focus, remember, use mental or spiritual drive because that side is asleep.  Still, I am quite sure, if I can bump up physical, I can live a much better and easier life.  I love the work.  I still think a wife might help here.  Especially if she learns how and when to push.  Which she might well wish to do, and not even for my purposes.  She can use me to craft her world more exactly.  It behooves a woman to learn to use the massive capacity in this old Cold War relic.