I did get out.

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Yesterday, anyway.  Shopping here and there, butter, ice, milk, the regulars.  Plus the bread I had my friend pick up, and treats.  It wasn't fancy.  Then a meal and some time visiting.  My friend has as much trouble with paperwork as I always have.  Thankfully, mostly, my time with paperwork is over.  There comes a time, from time to time.  I wish I could help him, but I can't honestly help myself on that issue.

Before heading back home, I suggested we arrange for something in the future.  I may have to push, but that is sometimes what it takes.  A trip somewhere west of a nearby city, just over the pass.  Then a meal at my favorite steak house after.  He isn't in to steak.  They should have something he might like.  I need a well made steak.  I haven't had a treat like it in a while.  The steaks I have bought have been sub par for some time now.  I really should try at the real butcher shops, but those are so out of the way, and might be a bit too expensive as well.

I continue to work with the pan I seasoned.  It'll take time, but it is much improved compared to when it was ripe from the manufacturer.  Tonight I cut two different types of potatoes into two different shapes each.  Mostly playing, but with an eye on learning.  The jury is still out.  And my process wasn't the best.  It was entertaining and informative, up to a point.  Science, even the science of cooking, isn't a one shot deal.  Time, effort, product, other expendables, plenty of success and mistakes, all go into turning out the best.  Though there is more to it.  Science, more surely than any wish to admit, is an art.  And most people, no matter how well trained, are not artists.  I don't even claim such, if I do claim to have an eye for art, some forms of it... mostly human art, or the art of humanity?  In any case, beyond the fun and games and perhaps art, was the added seasoning of the pan.

Oh, as well, I used peanut oil tonight.  I do believe I will filter that and put it into a jar.  Next time I will be using tallow.  Tallow is a solid at room temp.  Now, for me, I am hoping to work up an oil blend I enjoy for potatoes.  Fries, chips, any form really.  A mix of peanut, tallow, and maybe a touch of lard, to add a meaty taste.  So, for now, I am thinking, as I use various oils, I will blend them as I go.  Oils actually last a while for cooking, if you don't burn them beyond their ability to be used again.  Most people don't know that, and waste.  Through, true enough, fussing with oil between cooking is a delicate and messy matter.  There is that.

Hmm, off to... something or other.  Good day... night... whatever it is you are facing.

She comes.

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The Rishi, remember, sent a snake.  It was unsuccessful.  further, it was wrapped around the neck, as an adornment.  The serpent was not the same as in Christian lore, but of another.  Mind you, there are parallels.  Even though unsuccessful, sometimes the venom, while not fatal, has to be endured.  And in it times to come and gone are seen, and the ways of things are become known.

Working through things.

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A bit of laundry tonight.  Just the towels.  I had them all, all that had been used.  However there is something odd.  My towels, from time to time, seem to go rancid.  Is that even possible?  It smells as if oil, or something, got in them.  If I left the drawer open, and one of the girls, on a bad day, got in there and nested... or some such.  But that doesn't happen.  Could it be that the washing machine isn't removing soap properly, and that is what is going bad?  All I know is, I took extra precautions with this load, checked them after washing and drying, and then cleaned the drawer out before putting them away.  No, I really do try.  I just can't keep up on everything that can go wrong.  I keep checking with those who can smell, to make sure I don't smell off.  Seems to be okay.  And my nose is sensitive to things, like the off putting scent of the towels.  And usually I know there is something a bit off, or could be, here in the cave.  I thawed fish recently, but forgot to get that cooked or in the refrigerator in a timely fashion.  I knew that was... leaving a mark, on the nose.  Even when it was taken out, that lingers.

Never mind.  I did attempt egg fried rice.  I am either not doing something right or I don't like egg fried rice.  Perhaps brown rice just won't work for that dish, or I would have to accept it as less.  I have had egg fried rice, of various sorts, that I thought I liked.  And other dishes that taste like what I did produce.  Perhaps it's a mood thing, or as I suggested, the wrong technique(s) or basic building blocks.  The pan is great.  It is a wok, really, in the shape of a skillet.  There are some limits and some advantages to the skillet form.  Oh, and I looked up a bit on the wok/skillet of this sort.  I think it will do me well.  And, maybe, someday, or for outside cooking in the warmer months from time to time, with the open flame propane system, I might get a wok and figure that out.  I just don't want it for the flattop, or even without flame, really.  Oh, here is a video regarding these sorts of things, and cooking with them.  They aren't exactly alike, but close enough.

Oh, I should have called my friend last night, to remind him to shop for bread.  Well, and to also ask him to pick up some pastries.  It's not like I eat those daily, weekly, even monthly really.  A couple of sweet rolls every other month is... reasonable.  Ah well, I may find some other treat.  Or I could try to stay awake long enough to call him yet this morning.  We'll see.

Bits and pieces of other things have been happening.  I can't quite work at any speed or with any focus.  Medicines make a huge difference, or do when they do.  Off them and I am a flounder, out of the water.  I'll keep making jabs at this and that.  Shopping this evening, then perhaps more laundry.  I might finish off what of the dishes I have in the rinse now.  Bleh.

Good night.

Seasoning is not just for food.

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The pan actually worked quite well.  I didn't do egg fried rice, just a couple of fried eggs.  I was curious, dinner had just arrived and been eaten, so I went with a smaller portion.  I will, probably, do egg fried rice in an hour or two.  No problem with sticking.  I hope, however, that over time the seasoning improves.  For a first real shot at it, a beginning, the pan does well.  Searing meats and other cooking, even eggs, will go forward.  Sure, the non-stick pan is good for that.  I just don't... like... trust... non-stick, the modern stuff.  I have been looking for a way around that.  To be honest, cast iron, unless used daily, washed carefully (and it is messier), and such, simply won't work.  Even then I have some doubts.  Traditional, sure.  But I think it was simply the best they had, not the best we have now.  For non-stick without the chemicals, today, high carbon is probably the best.  I do suspect that it, too, will be messy to work with, and finicky, but better than cast.

I may go ahead and season the remaining pan tonight.  As well, maybe do some laundry.  Towels for sure.  Though more is needed.  I have a few dishes I might knock out, or not.  And of course egg fried rice.  I'm not sure I have any meat to add with that.  No real problem though.  Hmm, best check to see if I need to make more rice though.  I don't have oyster or fish sauce, though perhaps a dab of soy and worcestershire sauce will work.  No veggies on hand, either... Or, maybe?  I'll check the larder.  Peas in there wouldn't be bad.

Later.

The pan and life.

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I actually crashed while the pan was cooling.  I ran it as hot as my oven would go for two hours.  Then I was supposed to let it cool in the oven.  After I turned off the oven I had to go to bed.  I really wanted to look, but I didn't want to risk a chance.  When I woke, my head wasn't quite on straight.  I knew there was something or other.  I think the girls woke me.  When a delivery man arrives, they can get into a panic, begin chasing around and knocking into things.  Today they knocked over an empty kitchen sized trash can.  Nothing in it, as mentioned, still it made a bit of noise.  I think that is what woke me.  After I saw what had happened I checked the door.  The pants from Duluth Trader are in.  I haven't tried them for size yet.  I sure hope these fit, as there isn't a tweener size, and these would be too small if anything, the others were really too big.  Perhaps they were made on a pattern for jeans, but the material doesn't shrink when washed?  Dunno.  Love the pants, if they fit.

Ah, right.  Like I mentioned, my head was not on my shoulders right, first thing.  Between being half awakened by cat malfeasance, then with that drawing me to something else, and that all leading my mind in a whole other direction on a number of topics, I forgot about the pan.  But not for long.  Oh, the bladder was reminding me of something.  Go, go, go.  It would not shut up until I took it for a walk.  A pleasure, of course, but a nag is a nag.  Finally, head and bladder cleared, thought processes back to nil, a moment of quiet, and... I about jumped to go check on the pan.

It looks good.  The bottom inside of the pan might be a little tacky.  Though I wondered.  Even though I heated the pan and the tallow on it on the stovetop first, then wiped it as clear and clean as I could, I suspected there would be some puddling in the basin.  Hmm... when I do the other pan, I will probably put foil on the rack below and turn the pan upside down.  That'll fix that.  Still, all in all, it has a good look to it.  Before long I will be testing it on some egg concoction.  Actually, probably far on into the night, for lunch or dinner.  If all is well, I may begin with the other pan.  Yep, this is how it is done.  I hope.  Actually, I am thinking egg fried rice.  I'll need to make more rice if I am out, but that is no problem.

Today?  I don't know.  Mostly just killing time as I shift my days and nights.  I have plans for tomorrow, but that didn't make sense for today, since bread isn't available.  I do look over things financial, from time to time.  I recently used my credit card.  Then started paying it down.  However, I wanted it paid off quicker, so triple timed it.  Which means I have two months on that and then I will probably add to my house payment even more.  Oh, and I seem to have home depot on my pay list but have no debt to them.  I need to figure out which bank has them on auto and turn that off.  I should probably check bills, I think or or two always goes off the rails from time to time.  Best check things again... next time each bill comes in.  Putting the collection somewhere I will remember.  Bleh.

Not bad for a mostly dead guy, really.  Especially one off all medicines.  Though it is much easier to muddle through knowing that there is a path to a bit more function, or at least form.  I might not be able to reach it now, or ever, but I do know what the problem is and how to solve some of it.  Thus I can endure without... losing my grip completely.  Healer, heal thyself.  Later.

Blackening a pan.

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Yeah, it's how you do it.  High carbon steel pans can be made non-stick.  You season them.  There are a number of ways.  One of them is done on the stovetop.  I've been working on it for two of my 'days'.  I may have a problem.  The examples I viewed used a gas stove.  Which is great, except I have a flattop stove.  I can't seem to get the heat to go up the sides.  It looks like I may need to use the oven method.  I don't think what I have done, so far, is a problem.  It might end up shortening the oven process.  Or not.  It takes a goodly amount of time and effort to do it on the stove.  The oven is, from what I have gathered, quicker.  Being spring, and still cool, the oven won't be a problem.  If it works well, or even not, I should get the process down.  I have two pans to do, only one in the works at the moment.

I have been watching cooking videos.  There are a number of things I would really like to hit.  Among them, the five mother sauces, then secondary sauces to those.  I'm telling you, if you can make a good sauce and know how to soften shoe leather enough to chew you can get away with much.  Besides sauces, I would like to begin attempting stocks.  Those are required for secondary sauces anyway.  For these things, I need a number of items.  Among them, some well seasoned pans.  Cast iron pans are good, I just thought these pans would be interesting to try.  I was hoping they would be lighter and easier to season and keep seasoned.  Scratch both of those notions, but no problem.  Since I have them already, I might as well fit them into my systems.

Beside those foods, I really want to begin messing with crepes and pancakes.  What the neighbor lady served blew me away.  I don't think I can do that well, but I wouldn't mind trying.  These skillets might work with these, though the non-stick is probably better for crepes.  Crepes don't have be a treat, either.  I've seen mushroom filled, and others.  I could see them, made with a spice blend, turned into a really nice European tortilla, really.

Which all reminds me.  I still haven't ordered the hand crank grain mill.  I've done a lot.  I've stored more, here and there.  I've advanced in many ways.  I simply keep forgetting that.  I have great doubts if that will be used often, if at all.  It is merely an emergency item.  Though I would like to set it up and give it a whirl, at least a few times.  Who knows, it might just stay in place somewhere.  After the beef, after restoring savings a bit too.  It's back on the short list.  I may be ordering hard white wheat this next month.  A bucket to replace the one I will be opening.  Yeah, I have those special lids, to keep the grains as fresh as possible after opening.  It's a funny world.  Need this to do that, so this and that can go forward, but only if that and those are on hand.  It gets... tricky.

Later.

Uhrm. Hmm?

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Oh right, of course.  Time is slipping.  No major fuss.  As I attempt to get my days and nights to swing around to their right places while weather fiddles and temps increase, I realize that spring is always a bit of a challenge.  No need to hold my breath, push, or pull.  Best to let things happen at their pace, making small adjustments where and when possible.  Best not to become too fussy.  That never works.  Frustration is just that.  Oh, and I am not on medication, so there is that too.  I may call about the doctor appointment tomorrow... if I can be awake late enough.  I know I won't wake early enough in the afternoon.

I meant to call my friend.  I missed events Sunday, and didn't call.  I was ambushed into the twilight and not in line with keeping up on things Sunday.  Often the case, yet doubly so that day.  A call, I thought, sometime soon.  I was hoping he might make it to Crumb Brothers for a couple loaves of bread.  Yeah, worth it.  I don't eat bread often, but when I do...  As it turns out, he called me.  Good thing, I probably would have forgotten again.

I let him know that I have become a vampire again, or back on the night schedule at least.  I told him I was hoping to go in to town tomorrow.  Not until late, as my schedule is unscheduled... for day business.  I let him know what I wanted, and asked if he could pick up some bread.  He has been meaning to get there himself.  Though he didn't think it was open Monday and Tuesday.  After a bit of checking, nope.  So I rescheduled for a Wednesday night run to town, sometime later.  Oh, beside bread, it would be good to have a few pastries.  I'll call tomorrow, see if that would be doable.  Just a couple.  Weekly treat.

I was speaking with the neighbor tonight.  He asked what I thought of the pancakes from the other day.  I let him know to let the Mrs. know that those where the best pancakes I have ever eaten.  Seriously?  Seriously.  I was right.  At least a portion of the flour was home milled.  And, I agree with adding half white to the mix, or it is just too heavy.  Finally, now I know I like some things I used to believe were inedible.  Honey... just have to buy the real, raw, local stuff.  Maple syrup, if you can't buy local buy good.  It'll cost, just use less.  And pancakes, just have to use the right flour and mix of it really.  Still, making those is a bit of an art.  I really need to get going on grinding my own flower.  I have the machine, and flour.  I just want a replacement bucket of wheat so as to cycle through.  Easy enough, might even order a bucket tonight, come to think of it.  Or at the first, depending on finances.

Later.

Just to contrast with recent music.

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Contrast?  Enhance?  I can't quite get the word.  Hmm... paraphrase isn't it, as it's a quote used twice.  At the end of this song, the beginning of the other.  Never mind.  Too tired, too long awake, to early, to late, and all that jazz.  Still, here it is.  I knew there was something... connecting this to that song.

Wyoming.

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True enough.  Headed out today without a clue.  Honey, maybe shopping, a hike, and a meal... probably.  Late, of course, was the hour.  I was going as fast as I could which wasn't.  I should have taken a jacket.  Still chilly, especially when the sun sets.

The honey plant was the first stop.  I picked up two kinds... the multi-state clover honey and the mountain honey.  A premium on the later.  Easy to know why.  I plan on getting a couple of quarts more of the mountain honey, just to keep in the pantry, and use slowly through time.  I can't eat a lot of honey.  But I do need some sweets.  As I was saying when buying, until I found real honey, I thought I didn't even like honey at all.  A lot of the store bought stuff is... well... it almost might as well have been manufactured.  Same with maple syrup.  Life is a bit better with more local items, if too that isn't always possible or even always best.  It's a sound principal, if not truly survivable, not for me.  Do my best.

After that, a trip into the mountains.  A hike along the way.  A bit more travel, further on, and then to the border with Wyoming.  It's been years since I was through there.  Born but not raised there.  My friend, too, was born there.  Like me, he was a traveler.  And yet he has family there, as I do in Iowa and Colorado.  Quite a thing.

On the way we notice deer.  Lots of deer.  Lots and lots and lots of deer.  All along the last forty miles of highway.  Two larger herds, plus smatterings of singles and small groups.  Shortly before seeing the second larger herd, we spotted a hefty band of antelope.  I haven't seen wild antelope since I was a kid.  On the way back we then spotted a badger.  Quite an interesting drive.  Thankfully we weren't, mostly, on blind curves in odd places.  The two I remember seeing there, the deer did not seem interested in testing their mettle.  A hawk and raven were seen as well.  All in all it was a very good day to get out, and what was done while out was well worth the effort.  My friend had to push, a bit, to get me going.  And he himself wasn't sure he was ready.  As I said, once the foot is out the door, the opportunity begins making itself.

Hope to get out again, and this Sunday.  I'll try to be more timely, but my schedule is just... it's one way and in the wrong way.  I'll do my best.  Dang it, I think I can.  When life is going this well it's worth pushing a bit more.  This time birding, to my west I believe, and perhaps to the south a bit too, but in the valley.  If time and light hold, travel might take us further afield if necessary.  I need to find my bino's and get my camera ready.  Adventure awaits the... unwary?  That notion puts a grin on my face.

Oh, a tuna steak and rice for dinner.  I forgot to shop, so no lemon.  Not always needed, just a nice extra touch.  And for tea.  Ah well.

Later, perhaps good night.

It's on.

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My friend called.  Twice... twice before I woke.  Then again which did wake me.  But... I wasn't awake.  :p  I called him back about an hour later.  I think?  I thought he was going to call back, but might have... gotten lost in his world or we had a misunderstanding.  No real worries, just as it goes.  Two hours, I suggested, then napped for an half hour more, meaning to sleep a full hour more.  Woke and am coming to life a bit early.

A blog post, some music, a shower, then in to town.  A stop at the honey plant, maybe, then a short hike somewhere, perhaps.  Just getting out.  Late, but it'll do.  A meal somewhere, too.  A small one.  I have fish for tonight.  I need to get lemons from the store.  Now, what I don't use on fish I can add to tea from time to time.  I've become downright British, and then some, as to tea.  It's easier than coffee, can more easily be consumed hot or cold, and can be brewed several times (one load of leaves).  Second and third brewings are actually better, milder, not so acidic.  At some point it becomes more like slightly colored, brown or yellow/green, water.  But that isn't bad.  Plus, having been filtered, then essentially distilled, it's good water.  Now you know I see why people went to tea and coffee... that, too, will truly clean water (of much/some).

Want to go?  Well, yes!  And, no.  But this is why it is good to have friends.  I need to get out.  Might well not on my own.  And I do like getting out.  It's good.  At least once the foot is out the door.

Ah, on to just a touch of music, to rouse the bod.  Later.

Right.

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Ducks.  I was a bit nervous that the ones I prefer might be gone quickly.  They are seasonal.  It is past season and clocking fast.  Plenty on hand can go quickly.  Still, had to check my finances.  I thought my bank had sent an email suggesting my account was low, my main account.  Not good.  I thought they did that when it was sub $100, or even $50.  Nope.  Not a problem at all, from what I could see.  A little low, but... that was sort of expected with recent events.  After looking over both accounts, I believed I could order the birds.  I won't be ordering fish for several months, the ducks are eaten quarterly so won't be a soon expense, I am caught up on the house or that is on-tap, and I have enough, this month, to almost buy the cow and processing.  Still, I should hold off, for sure, next month.  I like having a good safety egg in there.  I'd like to, eventually, get to a small nest egg in the $10's of k's, but...

Anyway... ducks are, or will be, on the way.  Beef is coming in.  Then a hog, after the beef.  I'll probably need to order more fish the month after the beef arrives.  Just for Fridays, mostly.  It's nice to try, whatever, in it's freshest state of course.  I may not be homesteading, but I am learning to manage a larder.  I am hoping to get some of the beef cut so as to make jerky.  Bits and pieces of this and that.  I may never really get into canning, but I can and am doing some things.  It really isn't bad.

Oh, the other day I was lamenting not being able to get out and being out of butter.  I took half a pound to my friends, for the shrimp cook.  Wasn't needed, but forgot it.  Anyway, back to lamenting the fact of having no butter...  I remembered, then, that I had purchased canned butter.  I wasn't sure how good that would be.  It probably had to be better than nothing.  So I dug in, found and opened a can, and used it in several ways.  I used it with fish, I used it with popcorn, and I used it to make a butter pan sauce with a steak.  It smells really good.  To be honest, the taste was simply mild.  It wasn't too salty, or weird tasting at all.  I was... really trying to find a way to hate or dislike it.  Why?  To get over it if it was a failure of a purchase.  At this point, I happily recommend it.  It's Red Feather brand, from Australia.  I wouldn't recommend it for daily daily, simply too expensive.  And fresh butter cannot be beat if available.  However, having a can or dozen on hand, for any problem, would not be bad.  As I suggested, I prep as much for times where health doesn't allow a visit to the store as for emergencies of larger scales.

Oh, right.  The neighbors brought pancakes yesterday.  Not a usual dinner night, but it was sure welcome.  And those were some of the best pancakes I have ever eaten.  The canned butter did quite well on that, too.  Lucky, if I just remember to make myself so?  Half and half, and not what some put on their peaches.  :p

Later.

Play nice?

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Actually, yes, usually.  Not advice, though it is on offer.  When something is a problem, start out nice.  Only if it gets sticky should you begin with applying force.  Further, targeted, limited, force is best.  Just enough to get the bolt to loosen, then back to simple efforts.  Force is too rich, expensive I mean, to spend anywhere and everywhere.  I have learned this myself, for myself, especially as health fell.

A call to check on the return of the pants I had ordered, then returned.  The colors I wanted were gone, they had been the only ones of those on sale.  I knew there might be an issue with a higher price.  I did not demand an equal price, or cause any fuss.  I let her run her program and do her things.  I could barely hear her, though I let that pass.  In time she even let me know why.  Travel, getting back from vacation, and first day back after R&R.  After all was set, I asked if the price would be the same.  Nope, but she looked a bit.  Then asked about the price.  I didn't have the info, but she found it and... reset it all to my initial price, though with a bit for the shipping label.  Done deal.

Next I called about the ducks I ordered.  For whatever reason, they didn't get the order.  Odd, but okay.  I don't want to buy this month, but next.  Their stock seems good.  I am hoping they hold until I can order.  All good, now I know.  Those things have been bugging me, like fleas, for some time.  Now I know.  The world can move so fast this time, and so slowly that.

I am going to make another attempt to call about getting a local doc.  Third time the charm?  Wouldn't bet on it.  That system, along with the whole of the V.A., is meant to time people out to death.  A third, from what I am hearing, of applicants die before their cases are even reviewed.  It isn't from lack of money, they always get even more than they ask to receive.  Then again, perhaps that is why.  Fill the union coffers and they make sure to keep costs down, one way or the other.  Business.

Later.

Some success.

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Sleep is rolling day into night, again.  It grew overcast, then snowed, the last few days.  The snow is gone.  It is still dark, again.  Cold too.  That ruffles feathers regarding sleep regularity.

I did not make the call I was hoping to make.  I was not awake enough to attempt it.  Later on I called my mother.  She sounded rather chipper.  We did have a good talk.  Last week she was ill.  I told her to call me in that situation.  If nothing else, I can pray.  Yeah, it helps.  I then called my friend.  Just to check on him, mostly.  As well, I am hoping to get out Friday.  Weather is supposed to break by then.  He knows where to get good local honey.  I would like to get a quart or two and a pint.  They offer several types of honey, valley stuff, a mix of various states' clover honey, and mountain honey.  The valley stuff isn't quite as tasty, or so I hear.  If you have allergies, however, the valley honey offers a type of antidote to that through the processing of local pollen and such.  Or so the tale goes.  My friend is pretty sure it is helping him.  My deal is that I don't suffer from allergies, not even ones which used to be severe.  A wasp sting a year or two ago didn't even give me a minor fit.  He knows where to get it.  Plus, throw in a hike perhaps.  If weather continues to improve, perhaps another hike Sunday.  Yes, I am trying to figure things out.  I can't seem to hit appointments, or exact time windows, but I can, if time is flexible, make it somewhere, eventually.

I have been working on keeping a bit of food in my belly.  I am showering.  I have done minor house cleaning, if not quite enough to keep up really.  Still, slowing the slide has it's benefits.  If I can figure out how to get going I might... never mind.  I'll keep at it.  Just not a housekeeper.  I might hit the bathroom, soon.  The floor, really.  I keep the lou in pretty good shape, and the shower/tub.  And my new trick will help me keep up the rest easier as well.  Yeah, it's worth problem solving.  The thing is, sometimes, even when it is right in front of me, I don't always see there is a problem to solve.  Everyone has that problem though.

Dinner and a nap?  Maybe popcorn, a movie, then a nap?  Something like that.  I am crashing, at an odd time.  Though if I can use that to swing my days around, all the better.  Later.  Or, maybe, good night.  Hmm... perhaps with something to ponder, something(s) coming up, I can focus?  That will guide me to...  Nah.  I think the sudden onset of sleepiness is some sort of major or minor weather change seeping in.  Yeah, later or good night.

No, not yet.

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No, she said.  A whisper to a sense other than the ears.  Heard, well, though.  I knew what she meant.  I could not comfort her.  I will here.  I think it will find it's way to her.  No, I agree, not yet.  Not by far.  Only a place I visit on the border between here and there, from time to time.  Much as when family visit their kin, where they are buried.  Only, it is myself, of other times, with whom I tarry.  No worries.  I am... well built.

Dark. Hope too.

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Buried in life, flesh, time.  No pain, at the moment.  Forms of chaos, lost in a confusion of moments.  I've had worse, and it might yet be mended.  There is a way.

I don't I can't be sure.

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Off medication.  I remember what I couldn't remember on medication.  The life I lived for so long is back.

Up, down, off, on.

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I can't seem to get going, rest, get things done.  What happens happens.  It has little to do with will.  Luck, mostly.  My blog readings are odd.  First, for three days, I get many readers, or pageviews anyway.  Only some of that shows up, or seems to show up.  I mean, what is being viewed...  I have 6,000 plus posts.  The viewers seemed to favor certain ones, which changed over time.  But I never did get a good grip on what, if anything, they were seeking.  Other things didn't make sense about that.  The last few days have been odd in a new way.  Now I am, by the stats, getting four times as many visitors and pageviews.  Possible, just odd.  Something to consider.

Medicine?  Yeah... until I can figure out how to get regular resupplies of everything I'm not taking anything.  And... that is a bit of a problem.  I suspect that is why life is hit or miss.  I meant to call all week but keep losing... track... nerve... maybe a mix of things.  I won't keep going on medicine only to find out they won't resupply and I have to cut again.  From what I have seen, half doses don't do anything.  They don't help with bp or blood sugars.  Insulin is being sent, but that is the last of the supply until the V.A. decides to put me on a program for local doctors, who may then send scripts in, assuming the doctor will accept the program.  But I can't make the V.A. do it's job.  It was supposed to be done.  That is the call I haven't made.  Tomorrow, maybe.  Not a lot of confidence.  This was supposed to have been done.  They said they were doing it.  Nothing.  Again.

I'm thawing one of the tuna steaks for tomorrow.  Actually I ought to thaw two.  I'll try to thaw them in the fridge, though, if that doesn't work, I'll have to water bath thaw them tomorrow.  One will be for dinner.  The other I will cook, then tear into bits for a true tuna salad dressing.  Hmm...  I'll just thaw one.  I'll do the other the next time I'm pretty sure I'll be in town.  Tuna salad is only good on bread or a salad.  In my opinion, mind you.

Later.

Oh, right.

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I've been here, looking at things, and living, of course, the last few days.  But something happened that made me nervous.  Just a bit.  I've had over 10k hits in the last three days.  I am sure, to some bloggers, that means nothing.  Typical.  That is over 10% of the views, sum total, since I started this blog, the first post being January 20, 2007.  At first I thought it must be a connection gone haywire.  Some sort of attempt to read here that created echoes, or more... artificial independent page hits.  How would that happen?  How does lightning strike, how is a baby really conceived and born, how hot is it really on the surface of a given sun?  I don't know.  It wasn't that though, unless it is happening on many systems and browsers.  I doubt if I saw them all, but I saw at least a dozen of each of those, split evenly among the more common ones, with many from less common such as unix and using browsers I truly don't know... one even referring to the browser as "UNTRUSTED", if there were only 4 from that browser.  It only showed for a bit then disappeared.  But 10,000 page visits?  That's crazy, baby.

Oh, as to life.  The fish I ordered arrived.  All I can say, at this point, for sure, is that it looked, smelled, and felt, very good.  If you have been raised on fish, you learn to know the feel.  Any give in the flesh, any of that 'special' fish scent as it heads into poison, slime anywhere... then you do not eat it.  It is even more suspicious, in my eyes, than chicken.  Pork isn't as suspicious, if it is well done.  Only shellfish are more suspicious than fish.  Still, what I got seems to be absolutely tops.  I had to do the work of portioning and refreezing, actually cutting steaks from the tuna.  The shrimp came in two packages which will do.  One went right into the freezer.  I washed my hands before touching any of it, after unwrapping each package... which were unpackaged and process individually, then I washed my hands thoroughly between packages, and heavily washed again when done.  I really don't treat fish lightly.

As it turns out, my friend was not feeling the best, not up to cooking.  He wanted to get out though, shopping and an easier meal.  His treat.  At least I got out.  Tonight, shrimp and the rest.

Cloudy and dark lately.  Spring isn't quite here, if you go strictly by temps... or more it's spring but a hard, cold, one?  I keep trying to call it spring and it keeps resisting the title.  Still, it's nice, to my mind.  Dark but good.  The darkness is what kicks me back a step.  Cooler temps are fine.  When it's usually above freezing, and by twenty points or more, I'm easily fine.  But when it's dark, I hit the dirt and have to push to rise.  Good exercise!?!  Bah!  Later.

Days back to days?

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I never can tell if what seems to be happening is what is happening.  I am awake and it is nearly 19:00.  My days and nights could flip at a moments notice.  It's is a treacherous world, more than for most, in which I attempt to gain purchases or advantage, or even mild contracts of will.  Still, every time I can bring myself to focus to remember, I go that way.  It might be the way of pain.  It is the only way I know.  Screw the notion of it being bracing, or a challenge, or such.  It is, sometimes, simply a duty to which I have sworn myself.  I won't complain.  I have seen what happens when folk surrender.  I'll keep at it.  Even if I don't, can't, always know what the score is, or even what the game, or rules, or anything is.

I did complete the rice, and put it up.  The eggs where peeled and put up.  And the beans have been soaking for a goodly bit.  I may actually reset those to a fresh soak.  I ought to pull some hamburger from the freezer as well.  Hamburger is lambasted as poor man's food, but only in these times of luxury can we say that.  Take away electricity and you will see how valuable it is.  A luxury item, at one time, now a basic food item.  I may or may not do a pot of lentils tomorrow.  Those do well with the others and on their own.

I called my friend and let him know that, when the seafood arrives, if he does the other parts I would bring some buy to share out.  It is better to share, by far.  As I've told my friend, I have been well gifted by many, even the many.  I won't say I deserve it, only that when I have needed I have had what I needed, and sometimes what I wanted.  I am merely a student in the area, practicing what I was taught.  I remember my mother, today, suggesting her mother had taught her much.  She was talking about cooking, specifically.  Though I know more was taught.  And it's funny, as I was thinking, several times lately, of how much she has taught me.  More along the lines I am writing here, though cooking too.  I forgot to tell her.  I will.  She should know she is appreciated while I can tell her.

Tired, but not too tired.  Yesterday was quite good.  I won't be doing much tomorrow.  A bit of cleaning, cooking the beans, maybe some other cooking, and a shower.  Monday I might try to get out again.  Just a trip to the sand pit for some plinking.  A box of .45's, maybe a box of 9 mm.  I'd love to get the .22s out, but I just haven't reached the number of reserves I feel comfortable with, so as to shoot more.  Perhaps another few thousand?  I ought to check my reserves.  To be honest, if it all goes downhill and fast, .22 is the round I expect to be using the most.  At least over the long haul.  Assuming survival.  But when haven't I been so "lucky"?

Forgive if I am a bit forgetful.  I know there was something I was supposed to do here on the blog.  Well, and several things I meant to do in the cave too.  I'll keep at it.  Eventually I will be less far behind.

Good night.

Spring is so temperamental.

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Being temperamental isn't all bad.  Adds variety.  The high today, so far, has only been 40.  Or, from what I have seen.  That number is dropping.  It has been cloudy and is beginning to sprinkle, perhaps more a light rain given that everything is actually wet.  It was good that I got out yesterday.  I suppose I can handle cold and rain, but only just so much.  While I do well in winter, rain with that sort of cool can be a bit harsh.  Still, it is a good day, if nothing else to enjoy the indoors.  If I heal even more, I suspect days like today, at least on my own, will be doable.

I called my mother.  They were supposed to have a good day.  It is ending up more like what my weather is like.  Spring has, mostly, sprung for her as well.  It's just that spring is as I described.  She sounded good, even cheery.

I hope to begin getting things sorted.  As I may have mentioned, the beef won't be ready until May.  As I have tended all other money issues, and am doing just fine, I ordered ducks and fish.  Not daily items, too expensive.  Yet definitely not from China.  Don't tell me fish that are packaged from china were caught in US waters.  Just don't.  They wouldn't send them all that way, then back.  And, even if they did for some reason, who knows how much Chinese fishery fish would have been added in.  Trust me, you don't want to go there.  You can order fish from US fisheries, and fresh frozen or even fresh.  It will just cost.  I would like to go to fish, or more meatless in the traditional sense, Fridays.  It's not a requirement anymore.  Still, I like the reasons surrounding the notion.  Since I can't always get out and celebrate the Mass and all, I can still attempt to do what is more right and traditional here at home.

I'd like to work on a few more things.  Finish the dishes, clean the bathroom, begin more in depth on the kitchen... if it doesn't look like I have started, I have.  You just had to compare and contrast the present with the near past.  Better, if slightly, though much more needs to be done.  Oh, and to begin tearing down boxes while I am at it.  Those could go in Monday, maybe.  I am sort of stuck in my gaming.  The addition content for Dark Souls 2...  I've completed some of the bosses, others just have me hung up.  I have finished all of the bosses and content in the original game.  I'm trying to finish the add content first, before trying the game at game plus level, or more.  Bleh.  I may just leave it though, move on to the next game.  I am pretty sure the game just requires your character to die enough before allowing you to win.  Yeah, I think it is rigged.

Later.

Oh, I am back to doing this and that with food.  A dozen and an half eggs boiled.  They are cooling and about to be peeled.  As well, a couple of cups of rice have been set to cook.  I may do a batch of beans while I am at it.  Next month I will order a medium term supply of quinoa.  Sometime this summer I will order another batch, and see how long it stores.  I didn't like the Idaho seed, I never was able to get it to cook right.  Either it is much pickier, or just a lot different than any other type of quinoa I have tried.  I really wanted to make it work, it was a good deal less expensive.  Oh well.

There were times, there are notions, if no more.

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Most never set out to be what they become.  Most do not know what they are.  One can become trapped by one's nature.  Then one must do what is required.  If want, or even need, exists beyond what can be obtained freely, deals must be brokered.  I have sold almost everything I have, at one point or another.  To a woman, to the crowd, to the state.  These things are done, but remembered.  Lessons were learned.  Freedom?  I realized that is a choice, not a time, allowance, something that can be bought bartered or given.  Just... thinking.

A bit of a day yesterday.

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The package I needed to return was ready, so it went.  A number of items I meant to send along to my friend finally were bundled and taken as well.  Odd how such things work out.  His little nonstick frypan had stopped doing it's function, so the one I offered was welcome.  He asked if it was functionally nonstick.  I assured him it was.  Had to laugh, even if it was a fair question.  While the old saying suggests to not look into the mouth of a gift horse, I have always denied the saying as folly.  I grant that it is wise to do exactly so.  I honestly think either the saying was messed up in time, or the twist of humor it was spoken together with was lost.  Especially if it was based on Troy, the destruction of which came about from not looking into the mouth of a gift horse, or thereabouts if not exactly.

On to town.  I thought I'd be heading in and arriving by 11:00.  As is I was an hour late.  Sometimes I get a bit lost in the hereafter.  I go to do something, forget what I was here after, then go on to something else I forget.  Or remember, but too many hereafters!  I'm not a draft dodger, coach, I'm just not always able to focus on what I am doing and the world is a big target in summation.  Get there, however, I did.  After a bit of talk, a meal.  I keep having the spicy italian omelet, or something like that.  With rye toast.  I just found out they make sourdough.  So, next time, I told my friend I might have sourdough toast!  Not yesterday though, I need to be prepared for change.  :p  Yeah, I might become predictable at times, fall into a rut of long standing order.  Or I might just get up and walk into the future, or past.  You never know with my kind.  Don't necessarily believe, just don't disbelieve.  Let it be.

Then on up into the mountains.  A trip to see about finding a small hike.  The path, on the far side, is still rather snowy and icy, along the river.  This side, however, had a place for a minor walk.  And the day was as perfect as a spring day gets.  It was in the mid 50's to low 60's.  The sun was shining but not blazing.  There was just a touch of river breeze, as I would call it.  Maybe not of the river, but following it.  Light enough not to leave a mark or require a jacket.  A slow pace and a thousand yards, perhaps.  A good start for hiking season.  I always think I can just do lots.  And while I can, I might shoot my foot and disable myself.  Working up to it more slowly and humbly might be the way.  After that, a bit more of a drive, just for good measure on such a fine day.

A bit more talking, then it was getting time to go.  In the vehicle, before heading back, I saw that it wasn't too late.  I hope.  So I called about the beef.  It turns out that it won't be ready until, perhaps, May.  Cool.  And, probably, it shouldn't be too much of a price problem, even if it dropped today.  Good.  So... all I have to do is keep what I have in the account, and add bits to it until then, so as to have no issue with costs.  Finances are back in order.  Hmm, I may see about paying the mortgage for this month, on time.  Then again, I have it set for next month.  Messing with it might be a problem.  Yeah, I'll just leave it.  Ugh.  Now can I have some rest?  Well... after I figure out medicine.  Bleh.

Yes, I am just waking.  My day is shifting back to daylight, just in fits and starts.  Later.

Pans.

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A strange topic for the middle of the night by a second or third rate hack who uses other people's work to convey his ideas.  Still, it is what is on my mind.

I have experimented with various cook ware since I started learning to cook.  I only cook because I like to eat.  I am limited in cooking by cleaning.  If that weren't so much of an issue, I would cook much more often.  I suppose it is more than simply cleaning after cooking, but also other inconveniences.  If food burns on, that will slow the cleaning process, or hold up the process until a replacement may be found, if the burn was too serious.  One of the things that helps with getting to cooking is having cooking kit that works well, is less likely to become a mess, and has other features.

For skillets or frying pans, I have tried stainless of several types, with and without a nonstick coating, cast iron, and various small pots, saucier/sauce/saute pans/pots, of various quality and price ranges.  Looking for perfection?  Well... yes and no.  Curiosity as well as efficiency drive my exploration of this and many topics.  Curiosity killed the cat, satisfaction brought it back.  *blink*  I should know.  The newest skillet to have arrested the attention of my curiosity is the carbon steel skillet.  It is said to be much as cast iron, but lighter.  Now I don't need lighter, but women prefer it.  Am I actually planning on a woman?  Well... much as with finding perfection in pans, yes and... well... no.  The idea is kept open, but that isn't the whole of the story.

In part, for me currently, a lighter pan isn't because of ease of use so much as having a glass cooktop.  While I, so far, have done quite well in not cracking that, it would be quite easy to do.  Much easier with such a heavy pan as a foot diameter cast iron skillet.  The tortilla placket is light enough, but the skillet, especially when filled with a meat sauce, is quite a load.  As well, simple curiosity.  I still have all the types I discussed.  Though I might be giving the littlest nonstick away.  A fine pan, just too small for my needs.  Now that I found the All-Clad nonstick in ten inch size, the eight inch can be sent to a good new home.  I may know where that can go.

I'll need to purchase flax-seed oil.  Several, otherwise conflicting, seasoning tips suggest this oil.  Tomorrow.  The pan should be in Monday.  I'll, eventually, do a review.  Probably.

No bad dreams.

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I am a bit surprised.  As with migraines, I often sense the onset of bad dreams.  That sense isn't 100%, so it's all fair.  Though, perhaps, prayer helped.  Of all the things I doubt, the potential in prayer is not one of them.

I did dream.  An argument with what seems to have been my wife.  Not a heated one, just... a settling of some points.  We never did settle.  Lightly intoned quips.  Not a shouting match but undeniably, if overheard, a lack of agreement.  Later, one of the ladies from town, who was visiting for some reason or other while the wife was out... probably waiting for her... had become privy to the debate.  While the wife was gone she decided to banter, in lieu of the wife and on her side.  I would not recant, take it up a notch, or let it go.  Circles.  Such things to not anger me.  I am usually laughing on the inside, and play the discussion to my humor side of things.  It's not really a smirk I wear, just half a grin since most of the laughter is on the inside.  I have heard "Oh, I hate you!" from more dames I knew did not hate me than you can imagine.  I do not recant.  I don't sell, I don't give in, I don't give out, peer pressure means nothing, if I do not believe.  They get over it.  They also learn not to drag things out.  Won't help.  Just gives me something to grin about for days or weeks.  "Oh!  I hate you!"  Yeah, and I love you too, Sweetpea.  *grins*  Those are good dreams.

I called the V.A.  While I was crashing hard, I really didn't want to sleep.  That is as close to fear as I have had in a while.  They don't have permission to use my local doctor as a source for prescriptions.  They, it seems, do have an old prescription they could use for insulin.  I ordered what else they could send.  I got the number, again, for getting my local doctor on the list.  I also called my friend, to see if he wanted to get out tomorrow.  Maybe a bit of shopping, perhaps something to eat, hopefully a short hike out somewhere.  Nothing fancy, just... getting out.  He has as much difficulty as I do.  It is supposed to be 55.  I'll take a jacket and a hat.  Don't plan on a 10 miler or anything.  Though, honestly, anything from a quarter to two mile might not be bad, if possible.  Hmm... I ought to fill canteens, just in case.

I will call the other V.A. number in the morning.  I will also be taking the pants in for return, or exchange really.  I've already filled the tag.  I'll keep that one larger pair, for around the house.  But they just don't work for long hikes or such, or even public appearances.  Comfortable and easy for around the cave, no more.  Well, and if something goes wrong, and I gain a lot through water retention or something, I have them for that as well.

Ugh...  Later.

Going under.

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I have things to do.  I don't think I will get to them.  I did do the dishes, then set them to a rinse.  Little else.  I am falling.  Hard.  Fast.  There are things I wanted to do.  More, there is something I don't want to do.  Sleep.  They are near.  I am sure they will find me in my sleep.  No choice.

Back to work.

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That is the goal.  I had hoped to hit the dishes right when I woke this evening.  That didn't happen and probably won't happen for a while.  There aren't that many, and they are oddball... many of them half gallon jugs from pickled pork hocks.  No bone, just meat on those.  Though there are some other odds and ends in there.  Not usual use items, but they had stacked up.  I'll store them in the basement.  The half gallon jugs would be good for storing home made sauerkraut, pickles, and such.  If I ever get to that.  I should also be able to get the box ready to return for the Duluth Trader pants.  I really like those pants.  They are just too big, all around.  I just hope the next size down isn't off as well.  They have a strange sizing system, at least on these pants, that skips two sizes.  I will get the number and name from the phone message tonight as well.  Other work may go forward.  If I do hit the dishes, then take a shower, I may hit the bathroom... clean it down to the shine.  That would be as much as I get done tonight though.

I am swinging sleep around.  I woke after midnight.  Part of the shift, I do believe, as always, is that there is more daylight.  Even hidden in my cave, my senses are acutely aware of what my conscious mind isn't seeing or understanding.  Spring is springing.  My body loves this time of year, but it does mess with my schedule.  I need to find a way to get out in it, burn up some of the energy extra sunshine creates.  But it's a sliding scale thing.  And my body is on a different, nearly static, sliding scale.  It's difficult for me to balance seasonal changes.  There are, potentially, eight difficult times of the year... when the seasons are in full swings of change and when the seasons are in full tilt.  The hardest part of winter can be too much, as with summer.  Fall and spring may or may not be a problem, depending on how severe, one way or another, they are.  In some ways I am simply prone to weather, and other related, changes and extremes.  No complaints though.  I think my weakness to those is less than living in a static weather environment.  Change is better than no change, is what I am suggesting.  I need... challenges.

Well, on to waking and then working, I hope.  Good day... night... whatever.

Some, not all.

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Moving slowly.  Work and goals simply didn't align with reality.  I did hit the dishes, then set them up for another soak.  I took a shower, dressed, and made it to the post office in time to collect packages.  That was pretty much it.  And that is pretty much it.

I simply couldn't converse well.  So making several wanted calls isn't possible.  Tomorrow.  Tonight I will line up the numbers and names, take a nap half way through the night, then call when it is good.  It's what I can do.  Yes, I want to get the last of this sorted.  I simply have to be awake enough, and I simply wasn't moving quickly enough this morning to set that up.  I'm pleased, given all, with what I did.

Mulholland Dr. wasn't all that much.  Not really my idea of a great show.  To me, it made perfect sense.  There are several likely scenarios, with two being prominent, to my mind.  Only one really fits, though, as I see things.  There are many "yes, but"s, which could be applied to any scenario.  Checked with reality and probability and that narrows drastically.  While I have lived, and some suggest am, the impossible, that don't confront me none, so long as I get paid on payday.  What is, generally, is.  What isn't is usually obvious.  Not my type of show.  No, I won't tell you which way I see what.  If you happen to watch it, I would gladly discuss it in an email or even in person.  Otherwise, I simply won't ruin the experience for someone who is interested in rarefied movies.  Not my type, but not at all awful, or even completely off my radar.  Just... so-so to my mind.  I have one more feature length, then a raft of shorts by him.  I'll wait until finances are all sorted before buying Eraserhead.  Oh, and then I'll get a keener sense of whether Michael's taste in movies...  we'll see.  Then again, first impressions can linger.  And if you watch a movie when younger it may have a very different impact.  Still... I think there might be something there to a telling.

Be well, work hard if you may, play nice unless you can't, and win until you cry... or die.  Good night.

Ah, I figured out the impossible.

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When the movie was presented... for my viewing pleasure... it was brought cautiously.  A cousin.  He knew me well enough to know something had gone off the rails.  He knew me to be rather straight... in many ways and in truth.  And yet I had seen, done, been, known, too much.  Still, I was seeking, so he presented the movie.  And I watched it.  I watched it a year or few later.  So, why did I remember almost nothing?  Simple.

At that time I did not remember her.  The lover who died in or about childbirthing.  Or... whatever.  I wasn't able to deal with such things?  Maybe.  It isn't the first thing like that to have happened.  It is just that, as time has gone by, and I have learned some of those dark secrets my mind was keeping, I... am more open to the world.  The good, the bad, the ugly.  I don't have memory gaps, for things, or at least no where near as many.  Now I can see, and remember.  This movie will probably not go away this time.

Now you, and I, know the... rest of the story.  On this anyway.  Probably.  It just came to me, so I thought I'd share out.  And, yeah, it makes sense.  That alone, maybe or maybe not.  But the burial in blood and death that came after sealed the thing for... well... until I was ready to see, know.  Much else I don't know, perhaps.  But I am getting much closer.  I went ahead and started watching Mulholland Dr.  I don't think I have watched it before?  Later.

Hmm?

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Okay.  The problem I was going to begin working on tomorrow seems to have been cleared while I slept.  Medicine.  No, I don't mean I took a bunch, or the body somehow leveled.  A call.  I received a call indicating that medicine should, or could, be on tap.  I will call tomorrow, as planned.  Now, however, I have an exact number to call, and a name.  Just in case, I will go ahead and resume medicine.  It'll take a while for me to trust that it will become regular.  On and off can hurt.  On and off isn't optimal, on many fronts, either.  It's a buggy way to live.  Not a choice.  Mess with things too much and the incentive to maintain regularity disappears.  We will see.

I will hit the dishes, then maybe take a shower.  I am not sure if I will need to wash the dishes twice or not.  A hot rinse, at a minimum, after the shower.  Then on to laundry.  Laundry is done, and somewhat sorted.  Some of it is folded.  Now just to finish that.  And, if I have enough energy, cleaning the bathroom would be the final house chore.  The phone call for medicine, a call to the refinancing office to let them know what is going on (can't begin that until after April 1st, but I am still interested), and a trip to the post office if my packages aren't in a box when I check tonight.

It's starting to seem as if the lilt of the deck is smoothing out.  One thing at a time, no faster than is possible.  Oh, and tomorrow, if I can remember, I'll see about the beef.  It could all be rather well set up soon, again.  Copacetic and everything.  Ah, one last thing.  I will keep one pair of pants in the size I ordered, for leisure ware.  The rest are being sent back for downsizing.  I'm down into 36-38 range, according to their line anyway.  Bit by bit.  I still weigh 280.  Of course, that is down from my high of 350-370 range of twenty years ago.  And the waist size is down from 44-46 from when I arrived in this state... six years ago or so?  Something like that.

Later.

One major issue resolved.

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The house loan, it seems, was purchased by another company.  Which means my automatic payment was ended rather than switched.  I was supposed to have received mail.  I did not, not to my knowledge.  Now, I couldn't clear it all up.  That is three months plus this coming month, which was simply too much.  I agreed to two months now, and two months payment April 1st.  Which... is fine.  That is basically what I usually pay.  That doesn't leave me open for setting up automatic payments or refinancing until after the final "double" payment goes through next month.  So... set, mostly, if it all works.

Oh, well, and I am awake past 11:00.  Pushing, hard.  A bit painful.  I made "supper", which ended up being quite good.  I made a whole package of pasta.  Hey, it's easy to get confused.  I'll store the sauce.  If the bread rolls are still good, I'll butter, fry, and top with the sauce.  If not... I'll figure something else out.  I had hoped to make it to the post office today.  Won't happen.  I am hoping they put the goodies in the storage.  I'll be in tonight.  If not I will push to get there tomorrow.  Tomorrow I am hoping to make another call, or set of calls.  Medicine.  Can't take it if I don't have it.

Yeah, there was some pretty terse conversation.  Frosty, if not quite uncivil.  Not fully.  Still, it worked out, probably.  We'll see shortly.  Oh, and I should call about the beef.  I can probably afford a full big one, but more if it doesn't go to the butcher until the end of the month.  If possible, that would help me.  Ugh.  I may try to call tonight, depending on when I wake.  It's about time to hit the rack like a train.  Good night.

Pushing.

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My sleep schedule is awful.  I can't seem to get it to budge.  Going to sleep just as businesses open.  Sleeping until after they have closed.  Medicine is off, again.  Then again, I'm getting low on it and there isn't a resupply available to point.  My work efforts came to a halt.  I haven't been able to push that back into action either.  Due to the medicine?  Maybe, though it may just be general stress from everything happening at once.  I honestly think they are trying to give me a heart attack.  I don't think it will work, though who knows.

I have been watching movies and gaming.  Dark Souls II, and down load content... game add-ons.  I still don't believe the game is as difficult as it seems.  I do believe that a character has to die a certain number of times before that character (or account generally) can go on to win.  It's that way with most of the bosses, though not all.  It is even that way with some enemies.  It's a cheap way to make a game seem more difficult than it really is.

Dinner?  Hmm, maybe.  I have hamburger thawed.  And I do have actual, not low fat, cream of mushroom sauce, pasta, milk, cream, and butter.  A bit of this and that and it can work well.  I should start making less pasta, then putting up the meat mix for over toast, eggs, or such.  Pasta simply doesn't hold up well once cooked.  It's always a race if I make too much.  I'd rather not race.  Yes, dinner.  And some gaming.  Later.

Impossible.

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I started considering which movie to watch of several that are now in, or back in, my collection.  I thought about watching a Lynch film.  Mulholland Drive, a new one to me, and a Lynch.  I just wasn't sure I was up to it.  I decided to watch Lost Highway, to ease my way back into that type.  Donnie Darko was a pushover, for me.  Though, to be fair, it was aimed at high school ages, if the potentially brighter among them.  I am sure I have watched Lost Highway at least twice, if ten to fifteen years ago.

In it goes.  I remembered the first, say, fifteen minutes of it.  Then?  Nothing.  I remember just a few other things or scenes.  The road rage part.  I remember the bits with the "stranger" in it, or about half of them.  The highway scenes, along the dotted or not lines.  I remember the shack, but only as a picture, nothing that happened there.  Nothing else.  That is quite strange.  I remember movies I watched as a kid.  Whatever Happened to Baby Jane, which was more laughable to me because even as a child I understood the neurosis of the feminine.  If not so much how terrible it could be, still don't other than how it can play out badly.  I haven't seen Demon seed since it came out, but could probably remember most scenes in the movie.  Even a movie, such as Creator, would be fairly well remembered, even if watched as a child, not since.  Odd.  Oh, and Rammstein is in it.  That floored me.  Should have known that.

Anyway...  I am caught up on it.  While definitely not recommended for kids, they won't understand... might bruise their brains.  While it seems... mature, and has that content.  It's easy to see why some things are everything but what they appear.  If you know how to look, and look closely, you won't see sexy things, you will only see unmet hungers that grow to become monstrous, right through the seeming feeding of those needs and wants.  The wrong way.  It's like eating bleached white untreated flour products.  Or, heck, even vitaminized flour of the same sort.  Empty.  Leaves only a hunger that can't be fulfilled.  That's not all it is about, there is a lot in there, if one knows how to look and isn't afraid, or unable.  Still, I wonder if I will forget what I saw, again, before long.  It is possible.

Later... Or, actually, good night.

Considerations.

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Thoughts.  A few things to check, or not.  Might just let things slide.  Not sure I have much of a choice.  Still, the world hasn't let me down yet.  Not in the ways that matter.  I haven't won, can't win.  I simply haven't lost everything, at the very least at least not yet.

Saturday night flick.

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I've been holding back from jumping into the Lynch movies.  I've seen the first, and would like to watch that first.  However, like a rare treat, something that is a bit excessive, there is a time and place for such things.  This was not it.  A movie was recommended to me long ago, and then many times since by vary strange and different sources.  I... avoided watching it, believing I wasn't quite ready.  Or maybe not ready.  Tonight was the night.  Donny Darko was the title.  Not bad.  For me, actually, not even strange.  I won't say I believe, or don't, only that some of the possibilities, for some, are probabilities, in the positive sense of the more common understanding of that term.  Maybe.  Anyway, I think so.  Or I did, or will.  I can't always remember.

I did set the dishes to a fresh soak.  The laundry is all done.  Some things need folded, some things need hung.  I hope to do a bit of work in the bathroom as well.  The kitchen will be after that, along with tearing down boxes.  Trash will be readied for taking out Sunday night.  As well, I am hoping to swing my sleep schedule around a bit.  I'll need a bit of luck and a lot of push for that.  Medicine... yeah... I keep missing that.  Though if that is at an end, I should just get used to the fact.  I lived without it for decades, I suspect I can do so for more decades.  Time isn't what it seems, nor is life or death, really.  Important, in a certain way, but not at all what some would tell you or believe.

Hmm...  I'll get going in a bit.  Just a bit of music, then maybe back to some work.  Then rest and work through the night and maybe on through tomorrow if I can push.  Later.

Friday dinner.

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The last time I visited my friend, he had been talking about pork shoulder roasts.  While we were out shopping, I noticed several on sale so bought them.  Since I bought, he offered to cook.  Cool.  So, yesterday, he set one for a very long slow cook, calling me when it was nearing completion.  I grabbed various rolls and a movie.  Monty Python the Life of Brian was the movie.  He hadn't seen that one fully.  I also have In Search of the Holy Grail which, while he has seen, it's been a while.  That might be the next movie the next time.

I considered Lost Highway, and some others by that director.  But I wanted to... test the interest before just rolling those bones.  David Lynch is either enjoyed or simply not, or far too much.  I'm still thinking about it myself.  I actually haven't seen anything else other than the one show, but mean to change that.  I'm still trying to get a grip on what is what.  That IS the point to his movies, from what I can gather and what I have seen.  There isn't another way to things.  And it's not an easy road to nowhere, not for the simple, the mild, the meek, or some other sorts.  It's a thought engine that doesn't really ever shut down, only goes away as it gets buried by life over time, and mostly not fully ever.  Still on my mind after decades since being watched.  When I broke, I went looking for answers.  I knew those answers weren't in the mundane or medical, or not the medical that was being offered.

The roast was quite good.  Yes, you can mess them up.  But a little diligence and some reading and thought and a decent roast will all but do itself.  Still, people have messed those up.  I also took over a mild dessert, toffee and chocolate covered almonds.  Well, some nut, if I think it was almonds.  Those went over well too.  My last woman type introduced me to those.  I'd send her some if I could figure out where to purchase them online.  And I'd need to check to see if she was still there.

No, I wasn't able to wake in time to do anything, businesswise, Friday.  Frustrated, but stuck in a web of sleep cycle hell.  I can't seem to push or pull my way into daylight, and I have been trying for a week.  Just off.  I'll keep at it.  It beats being awake but immobile.  I hated that as a kid.  Hmm, what can help me push around is housework.  I might make a stab at really digging in.  Cleaning the bathroom, start to stop... finishing the last of the odds and ends dishes... and finalizing the last of the clothes.  All the clothes are done, they just need a final sorting and putting away.  That might push me back into days sooner than not.

Later.

Alright, I see some problems.

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It looks like someone is really working me over.  I have heard nothing back from the V.A. regarding an appointment.  That was supposed to have been arranged within five days.  I will be giving my doctor a call tomorrow, then calling the center again, if I can find the number.  My guess is that has gone nowhere, a circular file.  Which means I am, again, running low on medication.  Again, I have to decide whether to cut it, stop it, or continue.  Again.

More?  Ah, the refinancing has been canceled, again.  Why?  It might have timed out, I was thinking.  I remembered that there was a problem with them accepting my payment this month, and actually never checked back on that, to make sure my custom auto payment went through, after the second attempt.  I noticed paperwork from the company, so opened it.  I am told that I am behind for, it is looking like, two months, maybe three.  I have been on automatic payments for years.  It looks like they are trying to rob me of my home, on top of everything else they are doing.  I'll call tomorrow, though I doubt if I will get any straight answers.  That is why, most likely, the refinancing failed.  Oh, it isn't as if the payment information has changed.  They are literally returning the payments.  It's not a missed thing.  They are doing this on purpose.

This does not bode well for life as is.  I can't keep a home if the loan company won't accept payments.  I can't keep one, let alone both, eyes on these bastards.  I'm just not able to keep up.  Yeah.  There is definitely trouble ahead.  On the good side, it isn't winter.  If they refuse payments, I'll save up until they boot me then go on to somewhere else.  Trouble indeed.

Work, work, work.

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At a turtles pace.  That isn't bad.  Everything I will be washing in the machine is washed.  The last load is in the dryer.  All the coats are done and hung, save one that just won't dry.  I refuse to use high heat, so I'll let that air dry the rest of the way.  Clothes are sorted, but not quite all folded and/or hung.  The last of the regular dishes have been put away.  A shower, then I'll set the irregular and new item dishes to soak.  Seriously, a really good run going.  Now to keep it rolling.

I'm about to hop in the shower.  After which I'll set the dishes to soak, but leave room to get in with a bucket so as to do a strip wash/clean of the bathroom.  Yeah... it's coming along fine.  After the bathroom is finished, the last of the dishes are cleaned, dried, and put up, and the clothes sorted and put away, I hope to hit the boxes.  Breaking those all down and getting those in to town the next next day I go in.  And hitting the kitchen so hard it hurts sparkle.  Yeah, we'll see.  Taking care of boxes will begin the process of sorting out several other rooms too.

I've continued prepping, if more slowly.  Canned butter and cheese, most recently.  Not a lot, just enough to run, perhaps, a year of having those things as very irregular treats.  There are a few other things going in, here and there.  At some point there is only so much more to do.  Of course, when I get to an exact point, I want to start using.  Actually I am using some of it.  Legumes of various sorts, and canned goods of the medium term larder, go into regular use and  replacement.  I have a grain grinder, so the wheat may begin being cycled through.  And other grains as well.  Bit by bit, it takes time to fully implement a program.  And it's never quite perfect.  Building a lifestyle and life cycle around foreign ways takes a bit.  Thankfully I have the rest of my life in which to do it!

I best get going.  I called my friend, offered him to go out, and it sounds like he is in.  He has been stuck at home for a while too, by the sounds of it.  One or the other of us will eventually push and pull the other, I think.  I just need to get my hiking gear together.  Actually, he's better at my gear than I am.  I suspect I'll learn a thing or three, but that's part of the point.  I used to know more, but dead batteries, for too long, has wiped memory and the will to things which were once nearly native.  We'll see.  Later.

She visited.

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In my dreams, she arrived.  Moved, by recent notions, dubious about some things too.  She asked how I could deal with such powerful things, as what she presents.  I simply opened her eyes to the rest of the story.  Always two sides.

Awake and about to hit it again.

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I'm not good at fine detail, on some things.  House cleaning is, well, stuff, something, etwas.  The last of the dishes should be dry, though I have irregular dishes and new items to wash.  That should be easy though.  I have a few more loads of laundry, coats and synthetics, whites, and wools I believe... if I have enough wool to wash.  Something I ordered to help keep the bathroom in order arrived.  Have you ever been in the hospital, as a man, and been unable to get out of bed, but been conscious and somewhat able?  Yeah, the urinal they offer?  It isn't because I am sit or bed bound, it's because, even with an extra heavy duty large and tall toilet, I am still quite a ways off the deck.  Splatter, that's what I am saying.  These will mean I can go without sitting, and without endangering the water supply by going au natural.  Some things just aren't designed for even midget giants.

Tea is being made as I speak.  I just got my hands on white peony tea and green gunpowder.  I would also like to purchase some other, dark, teas.  Lately I have been consuming mostly tea.  I have been experimenting with multiple steepings of various teas as well.  Actually, that is turning out much better than I thought.  That first steeping, while stronger in caffeine, is also usually much more acidic(?).  It can be a bit overpowering.  But by the second, third, perhaps even forth pass, it is fully tamed.  Go too far and you end up with warm water, though you can get a good idea by the third pass if anything is left for more and yet usually have something-something in your cup.  Not necessarily something I would offer company, unless they too were more aficionado or curious.  No, I'm not truly an aficionado, I'm just discussing that some others of my acquaintances could and or have been such.  For some reason I meet the oddest of folk.  Hmm...

It's been quite good.  Work.  I am well ahead.  I am going to continue.  It feels like, after recovery from shoveling, I have been able to shift that effort back into the cave.  If I can keep it going, then add hiking, maybe fishing, a bit of travel, and such into it, I might get life to be a much more pleasant thing.  It will always be a grand effort.  You have no idea how much push there is just to get out of my chair.  But that is, and always has been, my style.  As weak as this seems, it is as if I was coming out of a tomb.  The tomb, it seems, just won't have me.  And, finally, I am glad for it.  Later.

Work.

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I'm not going much more than a snails pace, taking rests like the hare takes naps.  And yet it is getting done.  The last of the regular dishes are air drying.  I dried all the glass and metal, but drying plastic is for the birds.  One load of laundry had been, mostly, folded and put away and another will be through shortly.  One more load is in the washer, but that is it for that on that tonight.  Ah, and the baskets for the freezer have been washed and returned.  Plus I measured so as to consider shopping for bottom freezer baskets.  It's just much easier to organize with additional baskets.  Keeping like meets together, stacking even those, and still having some room for bags of ice or other assorted items.

Feeling a bit rough, for some reason.  I think I am staying on medicine, and eating.  I just realized, it has been years since I went without food for a week or more.  Yeah, that hurt.  Starving hurts right up until it doesn't.  If you then eat, you might be tempted to (and I often did) overeat.  That hurts just as bad.  Amazing.  I am surprised none of that ended me, at least on top of everything else.  It was torturous, boys and girls.  It was truly harsh.  Now, a few days without food isn't totally unusual.  It just never goes so long it hurts to a crescendo then stops hurting.  Oh, I started up the grill, too, tonight.  Brots, steak, and a small beef roast... should keep me in meats for nearly the week.

I hope to do a bit of business yet tonight, at least the paperwork.  If they sent it to be printed.  If not I may try to get to the post office tomorrow.  The problem is the post office is open, currently, during my down time and I don't seem able to shift that much.  We'll see.  Tomorrow evening I hope to get out.  Ice, milk, cat food, minor usual needs.  As rough as I feel, I might be able to sneak a nap in and wrangle the morning to my ends.  We'll see.

Later.

No wasting of this day.

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It was difficult waking.  A false start or two, if way too early.  When the time was right though I was on my feet almost at a jog.  Dreams, which I will discuss later, both pulled me back to sleep and were an incentive to wake.  Odd how one thing can cause two opposite reactions.  Up, up, and out.  I set a pot of tea, washed the dishes and set them aside to be soaked after I showered, showered, then put the dishes to soak.  Oh, and before I showered I pulled the clean jackets out of the dryer and hung them.  I have a few more jackets to wash.  I wash them by material, so they simply don't all wash together.  Bam.  Pleased.

The dreams... for the last few weeks I have been seeing my children, future or potential, in my dreams.  Dealing with them as a father would, sometimes when they are children, sometimes when we are all adults.  And her.  She is often in there, if not always literally present.  Supporting, or even wishing I would go another way.  But her presence is often known, even if offstage.  Odd how the moon can pull even the sun, or so it seems.  Terribly wonderful dreams.

What else today?  I don't know.  I'm still, a bit, limping.  "Morning" sprints... are just a maybe.  The hope is to finish dishes and keep going with laundry, perhaps get to town just to go, or maybe tomorrow.  Oh, and to check my phone messages and figure out some other business operations.  Bleh.  And, tomorrow, make another call.

Though, now that the cave is coming to some order, I may not discuss why I have been hiding, beside just health.  I feared that the odor from the freezer had... gotten onto everything.  And yet I couldn't force myself to cleaning and washing.  It was all just a bit too much and I had nothing on offer.  Over the last week or three I have slowly sorted it all out.  That's just as fast as the machine would go.  Now the freezer is cleaned, cleared, and back in operation.  I added a fresh box of freezer baking soda, opened (on both sides... huh, go figure on that! :p).  The dishes are almost all done.  The cat litter has been cleared, cleaned, and is being maintained.  The bathroom is about to get a complete clean and clear.  Oh, and the tub drain has been sorted out and is running like a top, which was part of the holdup.  And every stitch of laundry is in the process of being washed.  As weather warms, I will be able to open up and allow fresh air to finish the job.  So... yeah... there.

On to the day.  A bit of gaming to start the actually wake-up procedure.  Hmm, after a bit of blog and "news" review anyway.  Later.

Something just wasn't working right.

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I did some work.  Then hit a snag, then another.  I couldn't even game well.  I did get medicine in.  If you have ever had a vehicle that was spotty, would run then not, start then quit, that's what it was like.  The vehicle just quit last night.  I got things going enough to do a few things, simply couldn't maintain for long, or well.

Bedtime.  I have a dozen things I really mean to do, in the house, business, and more broadly social and religious.  I simply can't get to it, right at the moment.  Perhaps it is too much, maybe I am just a bit low.  I'll keep at it, just not today.

At least I don't really feel poorly.  Though that is almost insult to injury.  If I feel bad, and can't function, that makes sense.  When I feel fine but simply can't work then I wonder.  More used to wonder.  Now I know, if knowing doesn't really help all that much, or change how I feel about it all.  Never mind.  I'll keep trying to figure things out.  I'll keep doing what I can, when I can.

Good night.

What a nap.

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Did a few things, was gaming in between, then something went south.  A nap, I thought.  I crashed hard.  A knock on the door at 19:00, 19:30, somewhere in there, woke me.  Dinner.  I am up and have been since, if not terribly awake.

I have run a load through to the dryer, put a second on in the wash, and have my last jackets and synthetics ready for a wash next.  I should hit the dishes before too long, when I can stand to do it.  After that, those will go into a hot soak, then be dried before the night is through, I hope.  After that I have some odds to wash, and new products that need to be washed first.  I might have a load or two of laundry for my next wake cycle.  Still, I will be well ahead if I can get these things done.

If I can work in my next wake cycle, beside finishing laundry, and maybe just the few odds and new dishes, I'd like to break down boxes and put them in the Xterra.  Then get those in when I shop next, Wednesday or Thursday.  But that nap thing sort of caught me off guard.  No major concern, I can work around such.  Must be the medicine restart.  At least it isn't hurting.

Bit by bit I am putting things back into play.  I may check my balances, and if food, order four duck.  One of which will be roasted as soon as it arrives, or close.  I'd like to make one to share out with my friend.  As well as a good gravy and mashed potatoes.  We'll see, but... as soon as I can afford it, duck is back on the menu.  Later.

Unhappy, but I had to chuckle.

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I thought I was going to make it to bed early.  I mean really early, as in last evening.  Anyway, I went about tinkering and not really paying attention.  A bit had passed, I thought maybe I would sneak in and sleep early.  I looked at the time and just had to laugh through minor bitter tears.  It was almost 5:00 am.  I mean, like... ten hours passed and I had no idea.  Hopefully, if I can keep up on meds, that won't be a problem here on in.  Until it happens again.  pftftftf  I sort of just went about things since it looks like turning back the clock isn't going to happen.  I don't know when I finally went to bed, but I would peg it at between 7:00 and 9:00.  I just woke at about 14:30.

The cave is coming together.  The first thing I do, when I can get to it, is the dishes.  Hmm, or maybe I'll sort a first load and do laundry first first?  Yes!  I am going to, pretty much, wash everything.  As I said, I don't think the freezer odor infected everything.  Just that, when messing with it, it gets in the nose and I smelled it everywhere.  I hope.  Not taking chances, is all.  Plus, it's spring.  A good time to wash coats, jackets, and all else.  Then sweeten the air with open windows on the better temp-wise days which also have a touch of wind.

I did get the cat litter cleared, trash and recycling out, and finished shut and initiate the freezer.  I did spots of this and that else, for work.  I'm simply not really able to keep up on things.  But, once in a while, I can do more, for a while.  The kitchen really is getting closer to being a one shot kill.  And, some day this week I may see about breaking down boxes for a delivery of them to town the following day.  Men simply aren't house keepers.  Not all women are but almost no man is.  Just the facts, ma'am.

I'll keep at it.  Later.

Almost ready to get ready.

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I wasn't sure much would happen today.  As it turned out, I missed two days of medication, except insulin.  Why I remember part of it but not all, I don't get.  I keep it right there together and I honestly mean to take it all.  Back on it as of today, I think.  I know I have taken it all today.

I hit the dishes but late.  I wanted to get a shower before dinner arrived.  But dishes were in the way, at the least slowing my will to it.  The call came a goodly bit earlier, but I understand.  Schedules change and things work out as they do.  I often work like that, or even have to cancel.  Anyway, that prompted me to push through the first set of dishes.  They just needed a final wash and rinse.  But if I was going to do that, I was going to go ahead and dry and put them away.  It's the only way to be sure they won't just be left for later, often much later.

A shower after, life was good.  Then I put the last of the dishes, mostly, in for a soak.  I have since washed those once, then set them to a second soak.  Yeah, they need it.  Not as bad as the worst, just... if more for my satisfaction, really, than need.

I may yet hit those again, and put a load through the washer and into the dryer at least.  As well, I might get the last of the coffee out of the freezer.  I think it really did work.  I just need to wash under the freezer for the last of the scent of rotted duck.  If the stink isn't in the freezer, then it will fade with time.  That is, I do believe, the case.  Though the coffee has tamed both inside and out.  It didn't actually stink up the hole house, somehow.  Just a small area around the freezer.  That is tended.  If I finish up the freezer tonight, and restart it, assuming it passes muster in a few days, I should be set for the beef next month or the month after, and replacement ducks.  A duck on the quarter is good for the mind and stomach.

I will, after the beef arrives, order a pig after that.  I'm giving a pretty hefty bit of the beef out, and will probably be giving a bit of the pork out too.  Though the pork will be given in parts.  That friend's freezer won't hold too much.  Still, I'll probably end up giving him a quarter, or more.  Urhm... if everything works out.

Yeah, I'll get the trash and recycling out.  This all will make me much closer to really getting started, as I suggested.  Tomorrow I have business in town, if I can make it.  I hope to also hit more laundry and finish the dishes.  I have bigger jars that aren't really dishes, in that they aren't standard or regular, that need to be done next... soon.  The bathroom has to be hit, then the kitchen.  I keep digging in, not quite getting done, falling back, and then moving in a little more.  It really is three steps in, one or two back, and on.  I'm getting closer to actually hitting things really hard, and right.

Later, or good night if I don't return.

I do my best.

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Sometimes it just doesn't matter.  I missed medicine again.  Last night for sure, though probably all of yesterday.  The day before?  It just slides away.  One, even two days off, can be fixed pretty easily.  Four or more days of missed medicine means lots of pain when going back on it, or can.  Odd how sometimes it's easy, sometimes it is brutal.  I know heart medicine is rather potent.  Still, why the difference I can't say.  Hmm, actually... I suspect it is because sometimes my heart is much worse off, sometimes it is better.  Heart?  Perhaps my whole system.  It is rather, extremely, variable.  Back on it today.

I didn't finish the dishes yesterday.  I'll get started on that this morning.  I really hope to kick it out today, and do some or all laundry.  Maybe work in the kitchen.  I have been doing bits and pieces out there.  Even if I just do a few more bits and pieces that would be fine.

Alright, I did just a bit of looking today.  My electronic thermometer, for outside, was reading 36 F, which means thawing.  Just barely.  A few degrees, over time, is enough to cause little pools or damp areas from thaw.  No such thing, currently.  That tells me it is probably off by a goodly bit.  Even at what I suspect is just 32 and a fraction thawing happens.  I need to see about a thermometer for outside which I can be certain about.  I don't trust weather stations any more than my own instruments to date.

It's been a slow week.  I can't seem to get geared up or pushing on or out.  I'm doing good to be awake, and not all that awake.  I'll keep chiseling at it.  Perhaps with a full spring thaw?  Life is such a strange thing.  I just reviewed spring from this one through to when I must have been... what... seven or so?  Not every spring, can't remember them all, but a lot of them.  We really don't get life, or ourselves in it.  Easier to see our oddities, misconceptions, and such, from a distance.  Can't every, fully, see that in the current time.  But, with a bit of preview, top-down consideration, and a bit of luck, I can make the current oddities out to some degree of reliability... on the rare occasion I think to assess and spend the time.

Oh, have you been reading politi-blogs lately?  One of them, supposedly all about being anti-moonbat (moonbat = hard left) suggested that Cruz is the only way for non-moonbats (though maybe it is anybody but an actual American?).  Cruz and Rubio aren't even, in the truest sense, American.  Being open border, Rubio is for the destruction of America.  I am pretty sure Cruz has no intention of doing anything against "immigration".  At least I know where people stand.  I also know false advertising when I see it.  I'm not sure if they are shills or just wrong.  Though there is no complication with people being both, they do it daily.  Look, if you are going to support some people, do it squarely.  Admit they are shills for mega-corpa, admit they don't give a crap about America, sovereignty, our borders, or the middle and bottom parts, and call it what it is.  Heck, they don't even care about the American wealthy.  It's only international wealth that they serve.

Well, on with my day.  Later.

Reviewing a recent review.

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Sort of.  Over at Vox's, someone was saying something about something.  A movie.  I suggested the movie sucked.  That Alien, the series, was better.  They called me on that.  Since I really hadn't seen the movies in a while, I really wasn't prepared to back it up completely.  Still, I was sure, to my tastes, the Alien series was better.  Dated?  I just didn't know.

As I am replacing lost movies I am also filling some gaps.  One of those was the Alien series.  I refused to buy the movies until they were packaged together, and all in bluray.  It just so happens, that as I was selecting movies, I found the Alien series as I wished and on sale.  Okay.  I pulled the trigger on that without much fuss.

I was very surprised that the first movie was out in 1979.  Seriously?  As I remembered it, it was out in '85.  It might have been that in never came to where I lived.  Small towns had one movie house, which often only showed one or two movies, and showed those for a long time.  We just didn't get the newest, biggest, or those the owners considered controversial.  What may have happened was that I didn't see the movie until I was in the Navy.  I remember it was Orlando, Florida.  It was 1986, in late spring or early summer.  I was in nuke power school, and had my first real weekend without having to wear dress blues off base, and without serious restrictions regarding time, plus I had some money.  I could rent a car.

I am almost certain it was the first movie.  Perhaps they were bringing it out with, or in advance of, the second in the series?  I just can't be sure.  The thing is, now that I review them, the first movie isn't really too badly dated (as I see things).  Actually the second movie is more dated.  Too histrionic, among other things.  I have seen the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd so far.  The first and third are still okay, the second was just a bit too silly.  I am betting the fourth is, as I remember it, my favorite.

It isn't the best sci-fi/horror out there, by far.  It just isn't too bad.  There are huge secular and feminist type flaws in it.  And yet, it's about what you can expect.  In these times I would reject such, out of hand.  This series, as with much of the pop-culture of my youth which I have an attachment, is grandfathered in to a degree.  Very little of it would be acceptable if new.  Some of it just went away anyway.  Some of it stayed.  Well, now I know.  I'll go to bat for it, at least compared to some of the worse stuff, one way or another.  A Space Odyssey, for example.  Bleh.

Good night.