A strange night.

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Or so it seems.  I'll do the math as I write.

I went to bed well after 17:00, definitely slightly before 18:00.  In the high 30's to 40's.  I looked, then checked again, if that is as good as memory works when I am that tired.  I slept well but needed the fan.  If I don't need it for cool, which oddly, has... or hasn't depending how you see it... been the case lately... due to extended cool or reduced health?  Anyway, while I don't need it for the extra chill, I can tolerate it and need it for extra air.  Lungs are cranky, difficult to breath while reclining, just... the body being tired?  It is as if breathing is too much work.

I really should look into swimming again.  Along with massages, meds, and else...

The kefir water is working out exceptionally well!  As long as it isn't flat it really works well.  Fizz galore, both in what has been bottled and what was reset.  I am out of dry fruit, which is what makes it work.  I used dried cherries, which I will replace.  I also intend to try craisins, raisins, ginger, and perhaps mango.  I love it when it starts to make sense, the process and the plan.

I woke around 1:15ish.  So... seven hours and change?  It seems a bit short, shorter on sleep than the numbers account.  I'll probably need a nap before long.  Mostly business calls today, though some work too, hopefully.  Maybe inside and out.  I'd really like to get more tree limbs.  As much to get that touched up as to get outside and do real work.  A nap will be required to be sure.

Later.

A day down.

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Well and truly worn, or I would do something.  I am still hoping to finish the few dishes rinsing, perhaps do a bit of work in the kitchen, and spiffy the bathroom.  I did cook a bit of food, burger and rice.  Along with cheddar and a glass of milk, it worked well.  It seems to have warmed the body.  Oh, and maybe a shower.  I did fuss with the water kefir, bottling some, resetting another batch.

I am staying water free, in the lungs and legs.  Work, water pills, massages, and pedicures all seem to work to keep pathways open.  I am keeping up on lotion, every two or three wake/sleep cycles.  It seems to be enough, as it continues to take very little lotion, and there is no snagging of wool or cotton socks.  It is still strange how my feet go from burning hot to numb or even burning cold.  It just doesn't make sense.  Oh, I am hitting the elbows now as well.  Even using a single dab for both feet there is enough remaining for the hands, arms, and elbows.  Amazing.  Odd though, we become high maintenance right about the time(s) we become less able to tend those needs.  So be it.

I didn't expect too much today.  I really, for me, of late, did a lot yesterday.  I even got a solid sunburn, and it wasn't full sun, plus I avoided the sun... or really being out of shade.  Lobster look.  A cooked one.  Yeah, that gets to me too.  Well, and it's back to being a dark day.  Ugh.  It almost feels as if more precipitation is coming.   Yeah.

All good.  I'll do what is possible over doing the impossible as is.  Good day.

Actually, I was busy.

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Neighbor's son number three visited.  Time to begin mowing, which meant taking off the plow and tire chains, then installing the the mower deck.  We were going to sharpen the blades, too, but oops.  This fall.  It took a bit, mostly looking up instructions.  Well, and messing with the air compressor.  It is dumping air through the moisture dump on the bottom.  Have to deflate the tires to get the chains off, which means reinflation.  Got it done, but barely.  Damned companies these days, and that was DeWalt.

The mower is ready, if it could use oil.  The weedwhip started right up too.  But we also cut saplings and shoots, cut branches from one of the evergreens and removed those and regular fallen branches to the town branch collection station.  Oh, used the cordless sawsall on the branches and all.  I wasn't expecting much.  I was wrong.  Using the most powerful battery I have, it chewed through three inch branches with ease.  I think even a six inch branch.

Between this and that, we ended up doing a goodly lot of work.  Tinkering, to figure things out, while technically doing nothing, is sometimes a lot more work than doing something... often.  I will see about a phone number, about the air compressor, and call that tomorrow.  I want that ready to go.  I think it is powerful enough to jack two roofing nailers at a time, at least, if it will hold air.

I also asked about work this summer.  Help with the roof.  New larger bolts and painting.  Just the lower areas, for now.  And, if time and money holds, shingling the shed.  Yeah.  He believes so.  Just wants to check with the parents.  Either way, I'll be hitting that this summer.  It's more about how much will be done, and how fast.  Hmm, best look at paint/sealers, see what won't be a problem for rain water collection... a project for next summer, or the next two summers.  Perhaps most of the gutters up (all bought) next summer, and the big holding tank and final connections the summer after that?  Everything ends up costing more than it seems it would.

We worked so that with cooling down, I didn't get to bed until 17:00, well into it... Actually 18:19, I looked right before jumping down the rabbit hole.  When I crashed, it was a fast lights out.  Nothing like a little work to sleep as a child.

He wasn't expecting it, didn't help for it, but beside what was done, I was grateful to have someone give me a push to work, that I offered a small coin gratuity.  Not a full worth, but not a sneezer either.  Anyway, that is why no post.  I really was busy, then too tired.

I am hoping to springboard from this on to more solo work.  Branches from the other evergreens, perhaps clean the garage, straightening tools, and kitchen work.  I am up on things, dishes and airing anyway.  Now to dig deeper.  Figuring out tools will be a general help in part of the kitchen.  Yeah.  Today was great, but as with a few other things, it ain't over.

Good morning and day.

Timing, and memory, are off.

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I can't remember when I went to sleep.  I suspect it was 10:00, 10:30, or noon thirty.  By memory, perhaps as late as 14:30, if I think that is when milk showed up, so no.  Though I can't actually remember when it arrived, being that I was awaken mid-sleep, can rarely remember during such.  Still, I think as I write.  Oh, I woke around 22:00-22:30.  Most probably.

I didn't call about the appointment, I'll do that today.  I didn't set up the carts, will do that as well.  I jacked the furnace in hopes of slaking the chill, to no good.  I'll try again today.  Even with a shower I just can't get or stay warm.  Still, better than being too hot, if I have to choose.  I'll still set up a bath and jack the furnace again today.  Did someone say mid-April?  It was 35 F at 10:00-11:00 today.  Really?  Kewl.  ;p

Dinner is on.  A pork roast, potato, and a glass of milk.  Nothing fancy, but it will do.  I herbed the roast well, an Italian blend, plus salt and pepper.  As well, I am roasting it in cast iron. I do it for flavor, but for those literally low on iron, a frequent problem for dames, it really does add iron to the diet.  I really need to purchase canned veggies.  I can't keep up on frozen.  Perhaps not the best, but beats nothing.  Three or four cans a week, max, would do more good than not.  Yeah.  A can of regular beats would be good, heated and buttered.

I have just been easing into the day.  Turning the furnace up might help.  It may just be health. When the furnace and independent thermometers read 74 F, and your are freezing...  That is why a bath is under consideration.  Crazy.  I can only imagine those who have, and have had it, really cold.  Still, lie about things, for religion, politics, economics, or any reason, especially to redistribute wealth (to elites and the lazy, if in a way I repeat), and you get what you deserve.  It ain't over.

Well, I'll try to get after a few things.  May you get to a few things as well.

Good morning and day.  Hupp!

That was easier than anticipated.

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I thought constructing the carts was going to be a bear.  The boxes weigh forty, perhaps sixty, pounds.  As weak as I have been, tired, the notion weighed on my mind.  I am familiar with the process, bars, double clips, friction.  It can ce a bit much, especially when they are seven feet tall.  The last one was that, or nearly.  Most people can't do those solo.

It turns out these were very easy... once I got them out of the box.  Actual assembly took less time than opening and setting up the effort.  Even that didn't take much time, if it did take solid work.  If it took fifteen per, I'd say ten minutes average time.  Then I put an umbrella stand together, so fast I laughed at it and the other fears.

I realized I needed to clean small mouth jars, for cream, or I have to do non-refundable deposits.  I had to transfer the cream, first.  I set the other dishes to wash, and jar lids.  But I hit the jars themselves.  Washed, twice, rinsed, and drying.  I'll get the rest shortly.  Can only do so much.  A shower, and shave it is hoped, after dishes.  Then some calls.  Reset the missed appointment and see about getting or giving the jars.  Ugh.

I'm hungry, but not.  Eggs?  That doesn't sound good, or on it's own.  What?  I'll think about it.  Later.

By the numbers.

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Seven.

A strange day.

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I did get a shower taken, then to the post office, just in time for a package.  Then to lunch.  That was it.  It was snowing today.  Some seem less surprised.  And, since I see what I do, I absolutely shouldn't be shocked, I was.  Why?  Knowing, seeing, doesn't change feeling.  We are getting it quite mild, even this late, compared to the rest of the country, even world.  Even with them suppressing the real temps, and snowfall depths, the whole world population is waking.  All fun and games until everyone is watching and cooking the books becomes impossible.

As to work, that was it.  I was awake until 14:00, probably closer to 14:30, then just woke at 21:00ish.  Sleep was quite good.  Dreams of a very good, if private sort.  No, nothing... just not all things are to be shared.  Yes, good sleep and dreams.  A bath today.  Just because, if not right away.

I still have dinner dishes.  Just a few.  I will reset those, but the main impetus is the carts and drying rack.  Oh, then calling about the missed appointment.  The first and hopefully the last.  Being able to make and reset within a week makes a world of difference.  I just forgot the day change.  It happens.  If anything else, beside dishes as an aside, clearing here in the living room... clearing and organizing.  I can sort boxes while I sit, if that can be as exhausting as any physical labor... probably less though, with the lung problem complicating physical function.  It's just, say, a 20 to 25 percent impediment, but that adds up.

I'll get some of it.  Later.

A nap in there, somewhere.

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I can't say when, or even how long.  I think it was around three hours, though more likely shorter by feel.  Though it might have been as long as five hours.  It's the cold.  Not so much weather as body.  Putting calories in doesn't mean the body can use them, or will.  There is a reason not to eat sometimes.  Or at least be cautious how much to put in.  It just sits in there.

It was sprinkling.  Just barely.  I wasn't sure until I took a close look.  Sam wanted out anyway.  I know she is wanting sun and warmth.  I am fearing that.  It can't be cool all spring and summer though.  I have decided not to put a new furnace and ac in this year, though a new window ac might be in the works.  It's a matter of keeping cash on hand, not going below a certain amount.

I will do other things this fall though.  Perhaps electrical, maybe new refrigerators and possibly a dishwasher?  If I do electrical it may only be partial, but I'll clear branches while at it.  I have been rethinking tankless water heating.  That would require an electrical main upgrade.  They are expensive, but they last a lot longer.  They are probably cheaper to run, if the real advantage is... done right... never ending hot water.  If, in truth, I only want it to open a lot of space in the tiny bathroom.  If the main one quits, I may go tankless with that too.  That one can be hooked to gas.  I have thought about checking into propane as well, to be used for heating in rooms vents can't go as well.  So many possibilities, options, considerations.

I'd best get a shower in, then start on the carts.  I am guessing, as a crow works, showering to implementing carts shouldn't take more, or much more, than three hours. A couple of rest periods in there may double it.  It really is difficult to breath.  I'll get to a bath right now.  Later.

Harsh.

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Breathing is difficult.  It isn't fluid in there.  It feels like the muscles are weak, it is taking some serious effort to pull and push air in.  It's not the heart, lung tissue, or fluid.  I don't know what would have caused the problem.  It reminds me of when coaches pushed too hard, then during a week down, over a slow recovery.

I did the dishes.  Supper dishes are soaking, but that is just a pan, a bowl, and a small fork.  I woke around 19:00, no idea when I went to bed.  I must have crashed really suddenly, heavily.  Missed an appointment, I'll fix it.  Didn't remember, saw a message but it didn't make sense.  Yeah.  I will make dinner shortly.  Hungry, a good thing, more since I eat so little lately.

With dishes pretty much out of the way, getting to the carts, perhaps the rack, should be easy.  It is time to work with kefirs in the fridge, and all sourdoughs as well.  A bath and shower after dinner, then carts, then the rest as I am able.  I need to wash my hair but can't do that while bathing, thus a quick shower.  It seems slow.  Perhaps it is.  But I am getting somewhere.  Seriously, everyone should know I shouldn't be alive.  Tell me about being judgmental, while forgetting that, is not only worse, it is petty.  Some people are being dropped for it.

Later.

A steady pace.

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Not as fast as hoped if about as fast as should have been expected.  Everything soaking, plus everything set ready beside the sink done.  A load from elsewhere has been set, and most pots and the steamer are collected by the sink.  Supper just wasn't all that pleasing, so I hit up oatmeal, which is just finishing.  At least the bathroom is in excellent shape.

As to airing, the next time I am up I'll hit that?  Or soon.  It is improving.  Keeping up on cat litter, dealing with trash and dishes, takes care of most of it.  The residual still has to be removed, and anything beside air flow simply masks it.  Taking a bath first, though, seems prudent.  The improvement in air quality is significant, I just want more.

Almost surprised.

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Down around noon.  Wanted to stretch into the day, but mostly wanted to feed the girls.  Did not want to feed them early.  It was a push.  Then awake at 20:00, an eight hour cycle.  I thought I would sleep more, definitely surprised.  Hungry.  Rice as a side tonight.  Perhaps cabbage, the stuff is good if buttered and salted.  Although meat, especially beef and pork, really make it sing.  Awake and definitely hungry, if I am eating less, both per meal and the frequency of meals.

I'd like a shower, but would prefer to get a probable nap out of the way.  I hate cleaning up, then sleeping.  It undoes... something.  I could shower twice, or bath then shower.  It seems wasteful, I can't get cleaner, but it is a pleasant occasional luxury.  And soaking feet from time to time, along with a pumice treatment is good.

Dishes... getting close.  When I get tea, I'll reset those soaking.  So close.  The dishes, carts, bath, and more airing out tonight.  I think I can.  The place is a lot smoother than it was, if I am not getting very far either.  I have been so close, several times.  I'll keep trying.  Oh, and I will price a dumpster rental.  When I have sorted enough, I'll pull the trigger on that.  It's the right time of year, money should be okay, it's time.

As well as resetting, rice is going.  Dinner in a bit.  Mostly bulky items, so dishes should be a breeze, plus they have been washed at least once.  I'm sure I'll get to a few things tonight.  Later.

Not quite.

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No work, no post, no doctor.  Nothing troubling other than simple exhaustion.  I was trying to stretch so as to do everything, ending doing nothing.  Well, I did call to reschedule.  I really try to do at least that.  I will make it to the post office tomorrow, somehow.  Crashing, nothing else today, bedtime.

My feet are freezing.  Lotion for the feet will help this time.  Probably.  Funny, as soon as I cooled down, I pretty much became too chilled to function.  As well, I broke my glasses.  I have a spare, if it isn't optimal.  I may see about the VA for those, and dental.  Though I will ask for the numbers so as to order spares.  I'd like to have two pair of bifocals and two pair of standard.  In a tough situation, often in general, I don't need easy readers.

I have to go on to bed.  Good night and morning.

A good sleep.

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More than a nap, less than a full cycle.  A hybrid, if I would still be asleep if possible.  I have to take breaks from putting lotion on my feet and legs.  Otherwise they burn, which is what woke me.  I have tried with or without socks... the only advantage to socks is that they can be removed, which can buy extra rack (sleep) time.  Still one or two times, every other day?  I'll figure it out.  I... just can't always keep up, if the whys sometimes are of reason, other times just a form of reality.  What can't be won't be, reason be damned.

A bite after waking.  Pork and salsa.  I didn't have salsa with it for supper, too many other things going on.  Salsa didn't fit in either.  Nothing fancy but it should help.

Burning up still.  The feet and legs started it, waking me.  Now I've got a minor sweat as if I had been working.  It has been whole body since shortly after waking.  With the furnace down, this is odd.  It's not a fever, just...  I have eaten more than usual.  That could be it.

I hope to get to dishes before long.  If it is sunny, or warmer, I'll do more airing.  Today is less about work than business.  Dishes are simply needed for more goals, so have priority status.  A shower in a bit as well.  Just bumbling through this morning.  I need to cool off.  Later.

About as good as I can do.

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Without using or making sauces, loaded with sugar, salt, or other items I need to avoid, everything from raw, only a few pure ingredients.  I can make food so good tasting it is addictive.  But it isn't good for me, or anyone else.  A simple blood sugar test will clue you in.  Though eating too much can have similar effects, spiking the reading.  I have found that eating the right foods, once you get used to them, is a natural limit... higher animal fats is the real key.

Supper was quite good.  Cabbage, pork, potato, butter, raw milk, and sour cream.  I doubt if I consumed three quarters of a pound.  Though I haven't been eating, that is becoming a more usual dose.  I may even need a nap shortly, if that is probably because I am not eating often.  All good.

Of course, I had to finish some dishes.  While doing that, I hit everything else and set up a third small tub of dishes.  I am getting things done.  The odor is going, if not quite done.  A few more airings and it should be good.  I will keep at it.  So tired.  Not a bad thing.  I have things to do tomorrow.  A nap, even a long one, might really help.

Tomorrow.

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Today.

Down at 10:30, awake at 19:30.  Planning to work and eat.  The meat is thawed.  I'll start rice and cabbage.  When that is well on the way, on to boneless pork rib grilling.  I think the salsa is still fresh enough.  Nothing like nearly bacon crisped pork with salsa.  The grain and veggie just add variety.  I need to wash the steamer and a small pot first.  I'll reset the dishes first thing.

Obviously, the second run at sleep was successful.  Sleep was wonderful, if even the second try was difficult at first.  It was still so wonderful to see the sun.  I wouldn't have changed it.  I suspect it will do much for me.  Awake.  In different ways.  I react much differently to both sources of light.  Now in a very positive way, if... as a child of shadows, there is a special cost, and grace I suspect.

Dreams.  Of times I hurt women with words.  Sometimes with intent, sometimes without thought, more ruthlessly at times in that without care.  And, yet, I know this must be, at least to be the mate to a woman.  A balance, between hurt and pleasure, balm and wound... too far either way and you will lose her.

The song, You Don't Own Me, isn't a truth, it is hoped... to be true, and not, by her.  Maybe by both at times.  A duplicity of love.  Something, if she loved me, she worked to create in the hopes it would never be true.  It... had to be tested from time.  Tested on the field of verbal combat, vanquished... on another field.  Ownership defined, conquest refined, reconfirmed.  Ownership verified.  Yes, I... sometimes easily remember.  Love is such a messy thing.

Okay.  Tea.  Resetting dishes.  Two hours to wake, if I am mighty hungry.  Later.
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Goodie.  I did the kickstart.  Finishing what was in the drying rack and rinse, all to being put away, setting two tubs of dishes to a hot soak, then moving one of the tubs to the counter so as to get the steamer and smaller pot soaking... hungry, put bags in the now dry trash can cleaned earlier, peeled and sliced the last portion of a daikon radish *munch, munch, crunch*, then fed the girls.  Oh, befote I sit for my wake-up session, I want to put a potato in the oven and clean cat litter.

Not a bad start.

The sun.

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As I was going to bed, just doing some final things, my back hall lit up.  I couldn't believe how bright it was.  Golden sunshine poured in, blinding me.  I just had to look, then longer.  I do not know how long it has been?  I went on to bed but couldn't sleep.  I tried, rolling, stretching out, flipping this way and that.  I think it was seeing the sun.

I really need sleep.  Not truly awake.  Not sure what to do.  I did a cycle of dishes, but couldn't seem to focus on more.  It's not the odor.  I used the fan in the bedroom to keep it clear, and it worked.  Just getting that full blast of total sun light opened something, or started something.

I did lotion my feet.  A dab is all it takes.  Now I have a headache, I think for still being up.  Oh, medicine and aspirin might help.  I'll try again, as it is painful to be awake.

One more load of dishes, then down.

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I've done half a dozen small jobs.  Finished with the trash can, but the water was still good so used it to clean the toilet, closed the windows after letting air try to exchange with outside fresh air, cleaned the litter before bed, and a bunch of smaller tasks.  It's still a bit rough in here, but improving.  However, for today, I am done.  Save for that last load of dishes, and setting up two more loads to soak.

I'm loving finally being able to get back to things.  I should thaw meat, just not several packs, and something I can grill, in case dishes hit another snag.  It sure wasn't everything on my wish to-do list.  Honestly I am surprised what I did.  I was about to crash when I began revolting against sleep, if really just to get the trash and recycling tended.  Everything else was just confused extra.  I am pleased.  More tomorrow, I am almost certain.  The post, though... just... not today.

Good morning and night.  Yeah, I'll lotion the feet.  *sigh*

The trash was far more than it seemed.

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Two nearly full pans of cat litter weighed more than I remember.  I add, halfway through the month, while keeping those clean.  Each ends with a full bag, so I suppose.  Then there were pans of food.  I have been trying to eat.  It just hasn't been working well.  Not at all.  Then a bowl of fish, back in the fridge.  As well, all the kefir out of the fridghad to go.  Be happy there is no such thing as smell-o-net.  It's chilly, and yet the windows will be opened, damn the fuel.  An hour?  And more when possible, as needed.

Still, good.  That was a major task, essential, had to be done.  With the trash can being cleaned, and dishes tonight, plus with airing after dishes, life should improve.  Holy smokes.  I won't bother with recycling.  One small, half empty, bag... when I am not sure It's the day.  No.  Trash is out and out.  All the trash cans except the one being washed are bagged.  But man, dealing with those parts wore me out.

I do have the laundry fluffed.  I'll leave that in until the house has been aired a few times.  The dishes are ready.  I'll hit one round, set up a fresh load, then take an hour down.  I'd really like to finish dishes, air the cave while I rest, then crash.  Just praying to get that far.  As well, I hope to make it to the post today.  Even more if I can.

A bit of a break now.  Hmm, lemon in tea might cut the smell?  Later.
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Before sitting: The dishes were reset, two tubs worth.  I use little tubs in the kitchen sink sides.  Then I set the air to circulating.  I set up another pot of tea, had the last of last week's milk, grabbed a jug of tea, and will enjoy a deserved break.  I just... wanted to increase my chances of success.  If I go to the post, I'll definitely want a shower.  I hate coming out of hyperspace into such bad things.  I'll fix it as I can.

I realize I am alone in this, and much else.  I'll... be figuring things out soon.  Have to.  Alone.  Later.

A beginning.

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The place is rough.  I should be able to sort it, the kitchen, back in a few days.  If I can start and keep going.  I almost crashed.  But, no, I insisted on getting the trash out.  That... is more complicated than it seems.  Recycling is finished.  Dishes... some put up, some rinsed and drying, a load reset and others gathered for the next load.  Laundry fluffing on air, the towels folded and up.  The bed roughly made so folding should be easier.  All that in about an half hour, more struggling to deal with the trash and recycling.  I... get... lost in my efforts.

No complaints.  I am hoping to complete each of those, and a bit more.  As I empty trash and the recycling cans, I have been checking them.  Any which have ooze in them, only one so far, will get bleached.  The good ones are just being reset with new bags.  Hopefully this week I will hit the big trash bins.  The way I am doing things now should mean the bigger inside can and even larger outside bin should remain clean, being doubled with the small bags going into a larger bag.  Double bagging each size, as may be needed.  Well, that is the hope.

I don't know if I will do what is planned.  I have become even more unreliable than usual.  So dark, cool.  Still, it is something.  I will bull through to get the trash out, then that and recycling to the curb.  The trash can cleaning and dishes are next.  Hmm, cat litter!  Then, if I have it, I'll finish laundry.  If I have some even then, kitchen carts assembly and perhaps implementation.  Wish me luck?

Gotta catch my breath.  Don't know where that bolt of speedy work came from, but I need air, and a seat for a moment.  And that actually as I thought I was heading to bed.  Later.

Up to noon, I believe.

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I remember, because I wasn't going to feed the cats until noon.  I figured it was 9:00 or 10:00 when I was about to crash. On my way to the bathroom before bed, I looked at one of the kitchen clocks... 12:15(ish, if I think those run fifteen in the hot).  So I did feed them.  Up at 17:30.

Oh, I remember part of why I didn't like using lotion before, beyond all other reasons, actually two problems.  One, it makes them hot.  Actually just pushing them to room/body temp through massaging, increasing circulation... the skin and tissue isn't used to it, so it seems hot.  Perhaps in time the body thermometer for that area will adjust?  The other thing was it used to take a lot of lotion.  I am cheap.  I mean a lot of lotion, say a tablespoon or two per foot and leg.  The amount horrified the accountant in me.  Cha-$$$-Ching  Since I started, after this last pedicure, I started with the old usual, and have had to cut back.  I think I am at, perhaps, a quarter teaspoon per, which I still have to finish up on my arms.  So, other than the hot-foot thing, I am good.  I've hit it morning and night since the last appointment.

I plan on work today.  I'll reset the dishes, fluff laundry, then begin trash and recycling after this break-wake, as far as I can go.  Oh, and checks for utilities, in an envelope, to go soon.  I finally owe, like $6 this month, full next month.  Yeah, enough for a couple years, at 20% (ish) over current monthly.  It... is as good as I can do.  If I get into these things, I will consider else.  Later.

What a storm.

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Not much done.  I ordered a pizza.  As I ordered it, then went to pick it up, it stormed as well as any thunder storm Iowa could hope to deliver.  Only much closer.  Chain lightning going across the sky, lattice like, and down.  The intensity was a marvel.  I don't think, until it stopped, there was a moment the visible sky wasn't lit, and usually in multiple areas, often chaining even then.  Short but spectacular.  The pizza was doubly worth the trip.

I simply can't get off my duff and going.  Is it the dark, along with major weather changes with it?  I suspect so.  I'll keep... planning.  If I can't I can't.  Bedtime.  For having done so little I am sure tired.  The pizza was the first food in a bit.  Hmm, life is what it is.  Good morning, day, and night.

Just awake.

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In every way.  It was around 17:00, plus a bit, when I woke.  I have no clue when I went to bed.  I think I slept really long, if... I just don't know.  I did lotion my feet before sleeping.  She really pushed for it, at least at bedtime.  I'll aim for twice a day.  Eventually a deaf ear can hear?  It will still mean a lot of misses.  Even so, I'll put it on the permanent to-do list.  It was raining when I went down, and looks to have rained all night.  Not heavy, that I remember.  Perfect for sleep.

Sam was a serious jerk last night.  She found the highest perch, and was jumping on my ankle.  Oh, I woke, and went to the bathroom.  She knew I had... something else on my mind, so stayed well out of reach.  I know I fed them yesterday, and checked their food and water which were good.  If it is my fault... hmm, litter?  I'll check before being too harsh.  If it's my failure, I eat it.  If she is being a moody little shit, she becomes a temporary person non grata.  Both happen.

Oh, something smelled bad.  I had just brushed, I showered just a bit before bed yesterday, I was still terrified it was me.  I know I smell off, just the house and cats.  But this was really off.  Thank God for trash.  Which reminds me... better get that together and out.  I haven't been keeping up on it all.  Still, it's horrifying to think that is you.

Dishe stink too.  I reset those and will get back to them and laundry today.  And the carts and clothes hanger... some things just air dry much better, wool silk and some synths require it, if cotton lasts better, if fluff or low can work with the risk of slight shrinkage and fraying.  Or, I'll get to what I can.  Hungry, for the first time in a while.

Later.

To town.

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Beside an appointment, I planned to pick up medicine and a 1 or 2 x 6.  I made the appointment.  Then lost all track of things.  Even dropped my tea jar, breaking it.  I was right, work on the feet adds to relaxation.  I have been drinking from glass half gallon jars for many years.  This is the first one I have ever dropped.  I couldn't believe, like in a dream.  I worked up to 300 to 350 pound grip strength, if it's been a bit.  Apparently, at some level of relaxation, it doesn't matter.  As well, usually I would have been able to recapture it.  I was so stone relaxed I just couldn't... "do".  So weird.  Is that what it is to be human?  I didn't like it.

Then again, that is why it is helping.  I just won't take glass with me anymore.  So relaxed I forgot the plank and pharmacy as well.  Back to town tonight?  You know what?  Sure. Ugh.  If I am going I had better move.  At least the pharmacy is drive-through.  Later.
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Ha!  I didn't think I would make it to town.  So relaxed.  I did.  I got all wanted, needed.  I considered grocery shopping, it just wasn't possible.  Now I get what happens to Sam.  I figured, so have been careful with her.  She will turn into cat soup, begin pouring down my leg, only to wake and claw at anything, not knowing where she is or else, only that she is falling.  Not good for either of us.  I just pay close attention so she doesn't sleep where she could hurt me.  Now, I don't relax that deeply, but with a massage or pedicure on top of weather and other lows I do begin to feel more like jello than wood or stone.

I am looking forward to trying the new tools.  After finding the studs, I'll cut the 1x6's to length, get those across two studs, then mount the rack as possible.  It's odd, for the sizes, it just is.  I should be able to figure something out... tomorrow?  Maybe.  All the tools are cordless.  I'm curious just how much zip the saw has.  Most drills, from most brands, of this sort, have serious zip.  I guess I'l find out soon enough.

Later.  A nap, a sleep cycle?  Something soon.  I am almost done today.

Some of it.

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I was pretty sure I would get things, most things, done.  I did half, a third perhaps, then staying awake became a problem, one I didn't realize I had until... I woke.  Hmm?  I crashed so hard and fast I really didn't see it coming.  I was already gone before  I realized.  Not a bad thing.  I think a weather shift, more than else, tripped me up.  It wasn't just the pitter-patter of a gentle rain, or the special cool that arrives with spring rains, but probably more it was the atmospheric change.  Something about weather fronts moving in, sometimes out, that takes me down.

I got about a third done, as I wake and account matters more clearly.  I have the list and will continue as possible.  Although I did more work, in an unexpected area, which would be equivalent to another third of the intended work.  So it actually wasn't as much a wash as I thought, in reflection.

I best get going.  A shower, shave, then?  I'll see when I get there.  A cup of tea to start the process.  Later.

A few things done, then a major crash nap.

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No surprise.  Shorting sleep while sandwiching solid work often leads to hard downtimes.  That it was only a nap is a bit of a lucky break.  A good nap.  Should be ready to hit it again shortly.

A load of dishes through, maybe two.  Then to set another load of laundry washing while putting what is in the dryer to finish drying or fluff.  Perhaps beginning to fold, or taking a break before folding.  Then, as able, constructing the kitchen carts and putting them into use, a shower and shave, interspersed with breaks as needed, and then another sleep.  I'll hold off on the retractable hanging air dryer until I can get a 1 or 2 x 6, and heavier wood screws, if I can't find some, next time I am in town.  Should be soon.

I realized I may be having visitors in a month or three.  I hope to clean and clear as much as possible.  I want both rooms as clear as possible, and a place open for a floor bed for me to begin trying well before they arrive so I can see if that would work for me, or find another way before they arrive.  I do have a camping cot, if all else fails, fit to my size.  I won't have guests sack out in inferior ways, especially helpers.  If that works, eventually I may try a Japanese floor mattress.  I just want as much done as possible so even play and touring can occur this time, so that a return visit is more likely.

If I can get things in solid shape, then I will have someone come in weekly, if possible.  That will make visits more common, and more about sightseeing and relaxation.  Or minor work orders, like shed roofing, roof painting, or such.  Just a job or two.  Actually, if my cousin visits as well, I hope to replace roofing bolts, and paint, the front lower roof section.  I can then hope to do the back lower sections myself through the summer.  The upper sections?  Those will happen if I can figure a safe way up, and around while up there.

Actually, I may do that whether he shows or not.  If my mother knows how to kill wasps in sheds, I may finally put that portion of the henhouse roof on, the one planned years ago.  As well, sometime this summer, I may try my hand at shingling... the outhouse closest to the main house, which is shaded most of the day, thankfully.  It's solid, otherwise.  I'd like to keep it that way.

Or, maybe, I am just dreaming, again?  Nothing gets done without a dream to name it.  Later.

Six hours down, with a bit of business in there.

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A clean bed, many dishes done, laundry getting back in order, and just a bit more light today.  Still cloudy, perhaps not as densely?  Sleep was good if I hoped for more, if numbers don't mean what they mean to others.  My sleep and wake cycles are broken, have been for a bit.  As well, I am terribly off my feed bag.  Not as if that is going to take off any weight, it just slows me down on top of else.  Still, I'll get to what is possible, perhaps then some.

Today?  The rest of the dishes, clothes, a shower and shave, assembling the kitchen carts, then putting them to use, and maybe installing the accordion drying rack?  There may be too much on the list.  After yesterday, tossing in a nap, if I can eat better without overeating?  Maybe, or some solid portion of it.

Money isn't tight.  And I mean it not to become so.  Something I hoped to do for friends I had to forgo today.  I already gave a handful out, had much more on one of my bills than anticipated, have medicine, doctor, and medical lab, plus a large gift going out next month.  And I haven't been tending expenditures well.  Don't take it bad... I have spent so much time in the red this last two years that I won't even test it.  And, if I am not sure this year, I still want a new furnace and central air, new refrigerator and other appliances, and a new kitchen floor.  Not to mention putting the en suite back together and a new electrical main and sub panel, and at least some tree work with that.  Yeah.  Don't take it personal.

A bit to wake up, then back to it.  Later.

All of the required, at least half of the wanted.

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Done though.  I can't do more.  Had to push and shove to get this far.  One of the sinks is clear, all laundry is dry, or close.  I even freshened a bit.  Just couldn't shower.  It was the folding and hanging laundry, and making the bed, which got me.  Now for a bit of a nap.

Well done.  I did more than I thought I could if a good lot of it was required... not that even requirements are real guarantees.  So, satisfied.  Good night.

Well?

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The problem isn't energy, mostly.  I am using hot water at a terrible pace.  Two loads of laundry, three or four batches of pure hot water for washing and rinsing.  I am certain I will get another load of laundry and a shower in.  Ugh but that is a lot of hot water.  I'll get to dishes again shortly, after messing with dry laundry... and perhaps flipping one last load through... letting that finish before the next set of dishes... or... the other way?  Achk!  I'll figure it out as I go.

Oh, an idea to get away from so much tea?  Sure, there is milk, dairy and water kefir, plus tea.  But that usually sees me drinking gallons of tea.  The rest just can't be consumed in large volumes.  There are problems, like finding enough good fresh veggies at a reasonable price.  Even getting to town often enough is...  Still, even from time to time, this would do.  I have enough half gallon jars so I don't need to buy anything, aside from fruits and veggies.  Frozen fruit?  Not if it only says packaged in the US.  Trickery is annoying.

Then again...  I just threw myself at folding laundry.  *sigh*  Yes, I got about half of what is out.  But with three loads on the way, dishes, and a bath?  I'm about half way through dishes.  And I have beans to put up.  Which means making room in the reefer.  On top of else, I am quickly running out of steam.  I'll keep at it as long as I can.  All into the dryer at least, all sinks open and two jars ready, all clothes off the bed pad so the bed can be made.  It's just an extra clean layer, thankfully no incontinence issues to date.

Still a lot of work, and I need a break.  Later.

So dark.

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It is so very dark.  Day, even extra dark at night.  With sleep so off it is difficult to know which is which far beyond usual periods.  It could be worse.  My mother is expecting eight inches of snow, some parts of the coast are expecting double that, or more.  Told them.  Oh, and cold... while cool here, wet and perhaps cold, if this is cold they are getting frozen.

It is the darkness which is trampling me.  It is wonderful sleep.  The massages and pedicures are finally nearly completely on the good side.  Mostly.  Still, I am falling so far behind.  I may begin checking into help.  Perhaps a local ad.  A little help would more like triple, or quadruple, my output.  It just does, if I can get a good worker who does big chunks.

I'll try to get some work yet tonight.  I completed the bathroom today, and a few other things.  I need to do dishes, probably three double loads, plus bedding and laundry.  I'd better get to it or I'll end up crashing.

A couple of prep or efficiency items in.  The first is 24 pound packs of pool shock.  It allows the production of chlorine.  Between half a teaspoon and a heaping tablespoon will produce a gallon of potent chlorine, of which only drops are needed to clean a gallon of water.  Yeah, a really good thing to have on hand.  The other items are wall mounted, pull out, drying racks.  I can never tell if chinese numbers, measurements, are right.  Well, they were, this time.  Three feet wide, by two and an half feet deep, with ten bars at width?  It'll hold far more than I would have believed.  One would have been enough.  Still, at the price, a spare is fine.  However I want better mounting hardware... probably a 2 x 6 so as to double beam attachments.  It says it'll hold #60, with included hardware.  With what I have in mind, I'd bet #100 to #120.  It's how I do.  Lucifer and his can only corrupt.  Those in God's camp always seek to improve... even overbuild.  Amen.

Later.

All the phone calls.

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Oh, one more bill, utilities.  I'll get a stash of checks ready to go, put them in an envelope, to be deposited the next time I am out.  Which will be soon.  Oh, and a check for milk, ready for next delivery day.  That will be it for hard bills.  The rest is groceries.  I pull cash out for body care ahead of time, first of the month, so it doesn't sneak up on me.  Oh, well, medicine and doctor costs.  With the Zero appointee out of the V.A., perhaps in six months to a year I may see about going back in.  At least for some of my meds.

I'll keep my local doc for several reasons, including potassium.  The V.A. can't be trusted to not try to blackmail me onto medication, using my driver license as hostage.  I think I understand why the V.A. potassium isn't the best.  That is only offered on a monthly basis.  Too fragile, too prone to absorbing moisture.  I'll have to figure this out with my local doc.  I want the gooder stuff.  The other stuff doesn't get used, from my local doc, which I can get in three month issue, trust me.  The powder upsets my stomach and tastes worse than the titanium pill's vanilla.  I do understand.  Not sure why people can't just say what the problem is.

As to the shave and shower, coming up.  It actually takes a bit out of me to do phone business.  Especially when it is obvious some of them don't want to work with people on the phone.  As well, the billing is off.  We live in a digital and insane world.  Contacting a real human, who speaks English, who has the brains, will, and power to fix what should be obvious problems, is nearly impossible.  Tomorrow, beside else, I will be trying to get one of those problems solved.  Anyway, I need a break before showering.  Hmm, could remove the bedding before I rest.  Guarantees some work.

Later.

Up and hoping to get at it.

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No real idea when I woke.  An hour, two, less, ago?  I realized I haven't been drinking much, on top of not eating.  Not sure it matters given how much I have been sleeping.  Still, going from several gallons a day to a few quarts, if still emptying out as if I was still drinking a great amount.  Must have had excess, if it wasn't showing with swelling anywhere, or wet lungs.  Strange.

Today?  A few phone calls, a couple of bills, a shower and shave, dishes, bedding, and laundry?  Maybe.  It is the goal.  Hmm, and putting beans on for chili.  I'm going to push for it.  I'll down the tea, then see about a shower and shave.

Still dark.  I've turned the heat up a bit, though may cut it back.  Wish me luck, send a quick prayer, or such, if you will.  Later.

Awake again.

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It's been a bit.  Awake doesn't mean all that much either.  Eventually dinner, if a very humble one.  Steamed cabbage, salt, and butter.  Should have added pepper, now that I have a good grinder which provides very fine particles.  I grew away from pepper, as my old grinder no longer worked, and all the pepper tins seem stale.  One thing at a time, then a hope and pray it works event.  This took four events.  Several variations on preground and then a new grinder.  Still working on finding better pepper, if roasting small batches might improve most pepper.  Then of course, white pepper.

Anyway, I'll keep at things.  If I can do little, I'll try for more.  If I can do nothing, I'll try to be awake longer.  Etceteras.  I have a few intentions tomorrow.  Setting up an appointment, ordering medication, and work.  The problem is mostly the weather.  Dark, cold, wet.  While actually among my favorite weather, I'm just not spry enough to consume it.

Up just a bit longer.  Put up the remaining cabbage, it's rather sweet, oddly.  Then to check on a few dailies, finally to bed.  No pain, simply tired beyond effort.  Later.  Or good night, actually.

Feeling quite good.

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I have no idea how many sleep cycles I have gone through, if at least three.  As well, I have no idea how long I slept or how long I was awake, per or total.  I am positive I was asleep a whole lot longer than I was awake.  No problem, this was expected.  Actually, I usually go through pain for this first heavy sleeping cycle.

As implied, there is no pain.  I roll often enough in my sleep, cats be damned!  Well, that doesn't mean they get rolled on, only that I will happily move them in order to roll.  Ever, as a parent or sibling, slept with a small one?  Initially you are extremely cautious, to prevent harm and to prevent waking?  Cats can be similar.  Well, you eventually learn what you can do without creating fuss.

No pain, in part from rolling, in part from getting used to massages.  I'm in the "floating on a cloud" stage.  I really think this is the end stages of repair.  The body has flushed what was released during the massage, but is still producing natural painkillers.  With most pain gone, the deadening goes to another form of relaxation.  Just a suspicion, if why I don't take anacin even should I hit pain at this point.

Can't say I am awake for long.  It's a chilly dark day on top of all.  I did grill some chops, baked a potato, and steamed carrots for a bit of a feast yesterday.  I ended so stuffed, just two smaller chops mind you, I had to wait a bit before sleeping again.  I think I'll try for the leftovers, with another potato, minus carrots... all out.  That should put me down.

I did get a bath, then a shower and shave in.  No where to go, but a good day to do right.  I suppose there were places to go, I just couldn't have made it.  I was doing good to be partly awake some of the time.  I think water helped.  May try it again today, if just a shower, possibly a finish to shaving, just one pass yesterday.  After dinner, unless... might make it before?  No.  Just thoughts on a wonderfully rainy spring day.  Wouldn't want to be east of here.  It's ugly here, to the east will be snow if I had to bet your teeth.

Is it over?  How willful are His people?  Had to laugh the other day.  Someone suggested that fearing the Satan was right.  Because Satan is patient.  No he is not.  If you want to understand patience, study God.  If there is a fear due for this attribute, it is not for Satan.  It, probably, ain't over.

Hmm?  If there is no hell there is no need for the church.  None.  If all people have access to heaven without Christ, then He wouldn't have sacrificed Himself.  We know that was not His wish.  It was the Father's will.  For most nephilim, children of Cain, and mixes... at least the ones who can't hear and abide?  For, essentially, those who can neither be innocent nor guilty?  Maybe.  For most, no amount of disbelief can spare.  Christ said he came for most, not all.  For many of those the liar grew up with, and associates, cooperates with?  Maybe.  Not for him.  Street cred doesn't work for those with souls.  Yes, some go to church every chance they get, but take nothing from it into the world.  Some simply can't.  The ones who won't are in the greatest peril.

Later.

Several sleep sessions.

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I woke several times.  After brief considerations, it was understood that more sleep was need, wanted, and available.  I slept well.  I may return to sleep, again, shortly, if I cannot get to work.  There is no reason to drain the batteries if the engine can't be put into gear.  I am hoping to start with a bath.  Then absolutely open into the kitchen.  Aye, Sunday, and Easter Sunday.  Grains (or dishes) so as to eat yet, raising the dead (including Himself), I yet follow after my Lord.  Don't think I bluff or jest.

Several dreams.  All good.  Only one can be recalled.  A young woman, razzing.  I gave it back, and better.  Of course that was going to end up with a woman in my arms.  I dumped the program just shy of that, without burning the bridge, to give me time to think about it.  Yeah, I already knew.  I guess I just wanted a bit more freedom.  If I was looking forward to feasting after such a long famine.

Ah, I tried one of the kefir waters bottled a bit back, refrigerated yesterday.  Excellent.  At least as fizzy as fountain soda, tasty, but without sugar or caffeine.  A good actually healthy option.  I think the trick is adding more dried fruit... cherries in this batch.  Cranraisins, raisins, pineapple, mango, just about any dry, frozen, or fresh fruit should work.  It is still experimental.  At least I now know, from first hand personal experience, that it is possible.

May you have a Blessed Easter.  Later.

No lift off and sinking fast.

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I did put suet seed out in a cage.  As well a setting seed for birds in the drive.  Just treats from time to time.  Redoing a nest house, perhaps building others, setting up a few feeders, and maybe setting hummingbird feeders out.  Just... something to do.  I used to have mourning doves.  They seem to have moved on.  I am hoping to welcome them back, among others.

I simply never got going.  A bit of blogging, a movie.  Tired.  Too tired.  I have sought a means around the trafficjam.  Nothing has worked.  I am thinking about a nap.  Timing is of, though waking was too.  Just a few hours down, more if needed.  May not be a choice.  Sleep until I can take a shower, then go from there.  Later.

Still a bit dark.

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Even so, I do believe I am better.  It is still rough, including some sort of sore throat, which I have had for a week.  A dry patch, not the flu or cold.  I may be snoring for some odd reason.  I have had that do it before.  How do I know?  Waking to an angry woman.  Thank God for sex or I never would have escaped the dog house.  While the snoring thing was rare, along with everything else, it all added up.  Doh!  Usually only lasted a day, or two.  So this is odd.

I went looking for something, anything other than vinegar, to possibly soothe the throat last night.  It might be from drinking to much (especially plain, more, iced) tea.  I found an old, unopened jug of tang.  Labeled as good until '13.  Only one way to find out.  Kept in the basement at pretty much a steady 64 to 68 F?  About in there.  Anyway, as far as I can tell, it isn't fatal, or even bad.  It even softened the dry patch.  Enough so this morning I cut cider vinegar with half water, and snapped that back.  I'll eat before doing that sort of thing again.  The throat can handle it, an empty stomach not so much.  Straight vinegar next time, once battened with food.  Back to tang and liquid splenda tea.

Feeling better.  Looks to be partly cloudy with some chance of clearing.  Either way it is about a perfect spring day.  Women become even more interesting this time of year.  Not as if they ever drift off radar, the difference, while marginal, is noticeable.  Did I just write that?  ;p

Still a bit tired, stretched, ill.  And yet, overall, through and through, better.  A back to work day.  First sourdough, then a bath, then to dishes, oh bedding change and laundry.  That would be a good start. I will see after that.  Best set up the dishes first, so I'm not fighting laundry for hot water.  I'll see what else I might be able to be about if I get these things done.  Uhrm, after I finish waking.  Good morning and day.  *tips hat*

Nothing.

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Well, a few things.  The sourdough was fed, the other two are on weekly feedings now.  The water kefir was reset, two quart jars which fill three 16 ounce snap top soda bottles. Three were filled yesterday, three today.  One of the quarts was put in the fridge, as a reserve/backup.  The other will be experimental, as will the bottles.  Oh, and a meal, the last of the chili mac.  Not much, was not hungry, ate... because.

Oh, I called my mother.  Just a last check.  I meant to call earlier, then again that might have messed with her lunch.  She works at a civil charity... fuel assistance.  She knows I am not a socialist, or worse.  Then again I come down hard on nations which let tens of thousands of their elderly freeze, especially while jacking up fuel prices on top of it for the beta, cuck, and leftist lie of global warming.  That is genocide.  The one problem I have with anyone, bureaucrat or recipient, who receives or gives, is a lack of gratitude or belief gifts are owed.  Be thankful, not envious or demanding.

Anyway... a few very small things.  Lungs are heavy, a bit warm even while a bit cold, and dragging with life so slow.  I think it is the weather, if there is more to it.  I'll... get over it.  Later.

One of my favorite numbers, good news, and good dreams.

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Well, and a minor mystery.

While unusually large, it is registering that I had 777 visitors last night.  Most aren't into numerology, save having knowledge of 666.  While not the "opposite", it is oppositional to it, institutional versus individual.  (There is no opposite to God, for there is no such thing as perfect evil.  Perfection is God, anything else is imperfect.  Simply being away from God is evil.)  So, 777 visitors, to me, is a good thing.  Not saying it is an omen, or that I would deserve such, either.  It is what it is.

Ah, then my mother called earlier this morning, left a message.  She had good cause not to call yesterday.  The shot trumped her.  ;)  She crashed from it.  But all is good today, back to work.  She wants me to call, once I twist my noggin on right.  Having a woman to bite my lip, help screw my head on right, might help.  Well, that's always iffy, if worth a shot with the right one.  I'll get close enough, solo, eventually.

Dreams. At least two.  Both entertained, right to laughter, several times each.  But more.  Casting miracles, if still having to work, hope, and pray, right literally in the dreams.  I tried to remember them.  Could not.  As soon as I realized I had dreamed, and enjoyed so well, when I went back to see in order to remember, the memories were gone.  Rather unusual.  Perhaps they were meant just for me.

As to the mystery?  I woke, got up, started the machine, then started this post at 7:00.  It is now saying it is 9:30.  If this happened from time to time, I'd suspect a memory issue.  I do have memory issues, but It's all or nothing.  Weird.  I know I didn't just zone for two hours and change... the ps4 would have turned off, then maybe bitched about being turned off incorrectly.  The tv also has a timer off.  I know those were turned on right out the door, at... 7:03.  Very strange.

Well, I'll feed the room temp sourdough, set a "cup" of tea, read and hear my way to wakefulness, then check on mom.  I did get the chili burger bulgar cheese mac up.  Not hungry, at least not yet.  Later.

A difficult day.

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Too hot this time.  Impossibly.  If I took something off I would freeze.  Sometimes it just doesn't make sense.  I did some, just not all hoped, by far.  Still as rough as being in my skin was I am surprised anything was done.

In the morning I fed the sourdoughs.  A load or two of dishes were done, included the final glass jars from sourdoughs.  Wools were washed, and have been put up.  Air dry is the best way.  Then chili mac, using older burger mash.  I'd best remember to put that up.  Then I reset kefir water.  Bottling the product, setting the grains to fresh sugar.  Then I checked the sourdoughs.  All were looking alive, bubbling, and well.  So the two in quarts went to the fridge after all were given a right stir.  Finally, a last load of dishes was set to soak and a pot of tea was set to go.  Loverly.  If rather weak.  I simply couldn't keep up and at it.  So hot, and cold.

Still, I did keep at it as able.  Reality is what it is.  I will sleep well.  What energy, focus, and will I had I used.  Good night.

Amazon's real problems?

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I can never be certain about Trump, other than to be sure what he says isn't what he means, for good or ill.  A "no" is an offer, a threat is often a bluff, and who he works for can be ascertained by noting who is getting richer.  It is business.  The goal is to put someone in charge who is more likely to let markets lead the band.  None will ever do that purely.  Some do it better.  Although, to be an America-firster, there are limits.  For the most part, given the restriction, he is doing well.

As to Amazon?  Perhaps Trump really does consider mom & pop shops a good.  As a billionaire, he doesn't have to worry about prices, taxes, or any of that.  Personally, I think millionaires on up should be forced, a month out of every year, to live on their own (no servants or family) on a moderate typical entry level income, after taxes.  Buy food, figure out how to prepare it, and understand how large sales taxes really are to real people.  Well, and how nasty mom & pop joints get with pretty much outright theft in smaller areas.

Further, half the reason I go Amazon IS TO STARVE THE BEAST GOVERNMENT.  I hope every man and business finds a way to get out of paying this grotesque bureaucratic thieving machine at every level.  What doesn't Trump get.  True, he is a dem (little d, due mostly to being pro-American).  Only elected to build the wall.  Too busy helping his friends get rich (If hopefully through market weighting rather than the fed's thumb on the scales) to pay attention to the punks in congress.  Unless that was always just an empty promise... We'll see if he uses .mil funding for actual defense.

The problem with Amazon is their extreme pro-China stance and their extremist leftism. Companies which go that way should be unlicensed and harassed by the government which the companies attack, the very one that has allowed success.  As with human traitors, corporate traitors need to be shoved out.  Maybe worse.  Business.

But, no.  The right action for the wrong reasons?  A pox on both their houses.

Just about right, for being wrong.

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Sleep schedule, that is.  I can't be exactly sure when I actually finally went on to bed, if I am sure sleep was nearly immediate.  There are three times stuck in my memory for the event, 22:45, 23:15, and 23:45 (give or take about three minutes on any, if memory is just as blurry in terms of this so sticking with the middling number).  Which was the real time though?  If I had to bet, I'd put seven chips on the first, three on the middle, and only one on the last. I woke at 7:30, so right at eight hours.  Good.  Only a bit extra tired for staying up so late.

Work?  Not as much as hoped.  There was simply more work than thought, and the work was more intense.  What ended being the showstopper was sourdough jars.  I moved two sourdoughs to quart jars,  for refrigerator duty.  I kept one in the larger jars, but changed it to a new one.  Those jars had near barnacles, where beastly to clean.  I washed them three times last night, finally leaving them to soak.  I hit them again, right when I woke.  I think they are pristine again, if I set them to a fresh soapy soak.  While at it, I set the regular dishes to a fresh soak, then stirred the sourdoughs.  I think I'll need to feed them a bit more often, to see if they survived the abuse.  If so, into the fridge, if not... I think two of them will make it.  Maybe all three, if extra feed for the next few days is required.

Back to work after I wake.   Dishes, might put wool socks in while I wake, then a good long epsom soak bath, taking my tool in, to scrape under hooves.  Then more work of whatever type or form manageable.  It is another dark day, so far.  Chops and burger are thawed.  Chili burger cheese mac later, and a few chops.  Might cook all the chops while at it, just for heating as needed.  I also have eggs, if questionable.  I'll boil a dozen, see if they work out.

Back to waking up.  Yeah, through the magic of blogging, the drying rack has been set up and the wools are washing.  And tea is on.  It's the little things.  Later.

Slow. Steady.

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Given the givens I am doing my level best.  Dishes, and more of them.  One of three jobs, as it turns out.  I'll skip the laundry.  Hanging every sock is more than I want to do.  Well, and pulling out the hanging contraption, which would need floor space opened, somehow.  I think I will burn through a chore and an half, get a shower in, rest a bit, then crash.  Each chore has it's own set of dishes.  I'm working on reducing the volume of dishes though.

Tired, odd bodily complaints, but doing well enough.  I may end up staying up rather late because of the slow pace.  But I should sleep well for it.  Another shower, or bath, in the morning.  Then back at it.  The next massage is coming up.  This time the pedicure will be on a different day.  I am curious if that will make much of a difference, as to exhaustion.  Earlier in the afternoon too.  It might make a difference.

I did call my mother.  They have her set up for her first shot tomorrow.  One of my cousins and his picked up meds for her, so she fixed a proper dinner.  Is she as good as some of the fancy tv chefs?  I'd actually say yes.  She knows how to do with what is on hand, but if you throw money at her, she'll try to save you some money.  If you refuse to save a dime, she'll show you how to make those extra nickles shine.  She knows the difficult, easy, expensive, and cheap way, plus a half dozen alternatives, time alternatives for faster or slower cooking so as to adjust for schedules.

Do most women even actually know how to cook anymore. I cook a man's way.  Great if I had a prep and sous chef, plus a dietician to plate for size and calories.  Anyway, someone ate well.  And I think someone was happy for the call.  I won't cook or eat more.  Half the oatmeal and remnants from yesterday, plus eating several days in a row has me a bit stuffed.  Can you save extra oatmeal to be reheated?  How best to reheat?

Good night, if I have a few things to do first.  Sleep well, I know I will when I get to it.

Awake. Considering work.

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I am not in good shape.  My midsection is sore as if I did a bunch of setups.  I promise, no such activity, or anything like it, has taken place.  Aside from the twinges, the muscles are more solid. Setups, or having sparred with a superior boxer, working on defending that area.  If so, I lost, if not as badly as if in a full speed fight.  Painful tickles rather than deep serious bruising.

I dreamed, but it was a good dream.  Fanciful too.  I don't remember more than those.  Something like obtaining a '57 Chevy, the fastest sort.  Enjoying tearing up the highway. Then to find it can fly.  I only remember waking with a smile.  Knowing I had a lot of fun in at least one dream.

I went ahead with one of my jobs, before sleeping.  The dishes from that were set to soak.  I am hoping to get that and two more jobs, plus another shower.  No promises but I think I can.  A load of wools too.  I'm taking frequent showers and enjoying.  Keeping much more up on my feet.  Which is part of the reason.  Odd that the feet still feel dry, as if they would grab socks, but they don't.  It is strange.  Doesn't matter if I use lotion or not.  They feel the same.  Though if I slather them occasionally they really are even smoother regarding socks.  Very strange that, by hand, I can't tell much difference.  They feel very dry and raspy.  Thought perhaps it was my hands, but that doesn't make sense?  Odd.

I'm still waking from the nap.  We'll see.  Later.

Hmm, strange?

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I was sure I was about to crash.  Never did warm.  Still chilled to the bones.  It was the sun.  When it crested it blazed.  Bright even through my curtains.  I am still rather tired.  I may make oatmeal, and clean up from that, then nap?  I think so.  I still hope to do several batches of work today.  The sun will help.  Figuring how to warm would help too.    Too cold.

After the nap?  Dailies, dishes that happen from those, folding dried clothes, washing wools if there are enough, maybe a shower, another shot at the oven with the new methods, surfaces, and checking things in the fridge and bagging trash from that.

The next time I go shopping I'll be getting enough eggs for more souffle practice, and to boil several dozen for snacks, and for potato salad.  It's that time of year, at least to begin practicing.  What all though?  Onion, potato, mayo, I like dill pickles diced in plus a splash of juice... as well as paprika - smoked if feeling bold, lemon juice or vinegar - apple cider if feeling bold again but NOT with smoked paprika... boldness has limits and these don't mix to good ends.  Hmm, what else?  Vidalias?  I actually prefer yellow.  But for a change?  Depends if available and cost.

Yes.  Plans.  Hopes.  And possibly tales of glory soon or late.  You know, if potato salad, then also fried chicken?  I think so.  Just a pack of thighs or drumsticks.  I remember when my mom would pull meat from the leftovers, and either mix that with the potato salad (if there was any remaining *gobble gobble*) or just make a meat spread from it.  It seemed like a lot of work.  It was more having the plan, a meat grinder (I think she just used a manual), and taking the time.  Still, a lot of work and yet not?  Frugal.  I don't have a meat grinder, yet.  Hmm...

On to oatmeal and a nap.  Later.

What?

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Awake but very tired.  Just ghosting through the morning, chilled to the bones even with thick socks, pj's, a thick robe, and the furnace jacked.  Oddly, my toes aren't cold.  Down right at 22:00, up at 5:00.  A bit shy on sleep, assuming I have made it up.  I may be crashing back to bed shortly, for a bit.  Unusually tired.  Eyes just won't stay open.

I did remember to call my mother.  Pleased she was.  Mom's may be women, and women are girls, and girls are twerps, but if you spoil them, they can be satisfied.  ;p  Well spoil, and put demands in.  Make me a pie,  __redacted__, or can some extra hot hot sauce.  Anyway.  She was happy.  Her doctor reported all is well.  Just nerve issues.  Either a third back surgery or shots.  Shots, she thinks.  All good.  Or, at least nothing extra bad, unexpected.

With the sinks clear, when I do wake, I'll hit some things.  For now, however, back to sleep.  Later or much later.

Pizza was the prize.

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Nothing but the dishes.  They were finished, the small tubs and sinks themselves were also cleaned.  I hope to hit more tomorrow.  So tired.  While in, I stopped at a quick stop type place for soda.  Several girls in the place.  Being an adult male, and larger one, I avoid too much interaction if I do enjoy children from afar.  Just as an older sibling or uncle type of thing.  Still, best to not approach or interact.

Even so... while I was checking out, a little girl kept trying to catch my eye.  After a few avoidances, I finally looked.  She just smiled like the shining sun.  I had to return the favor.  It didn't hurt a bit.  And the good thing about such a tot is it is completely innocent.  Still, I ducked out quickly.  I kept a grin on for a goodly bit.  Life can be good just that simply.

My mother didn't call.  I let that go, but will call her soon.  She was supposed to call me. I was pretty sure she wouldn't, if I don't know why.  I already planned to checking up on her as soon as I can, but tomorrow.  Something about letting her miss before calling.  Bedtime.  Late actually, at almost 22:00.  Ugh.  Good night.

Starting.

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One load put up, from the drying rack.  A couple small loads washed, dried, and put up. Two loads set up to a hot soak.  With one sink now open for rinsing and the dish rack open, the process should be much faster.  As little as that was, it did weary me.  If I finish tonight, early enough, I will go for pizza.  The oatmeal will be for tomorrow, as well as burger cheese mac.

There is some hope of doing a few other things tonight.  Just catching up on odds and ends.  Maybe washing woolens and putting up the dry load.  No promises.  I only get a freebie meal if I do the rest of the dishes.  The other works are just heavy hopes.  All is seriously possible though, if probably not all of it will be done.  However, if things are opened, and kept open, tomorrow holds much more promise, especially if food is on the hook and chained through today back on to regularity.  Three meals, really, four if today, since either two Fridays or Thursdays ago, I believe?

Pretty weak.  Makes sense.  I'll work on it.  Later.

Naps are wonderful things.

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Right at two hours down.  Awake midway.  I could easily have waken then.  I did and do believe the extra hour was in the best interest of my intentions... getting to the dishes, food, and perhaps other work.  I reset the dishes after the two hours, am having a big glass of milk kefir (which, amazingly, is slaking thirst as well as pickle juice, beer, or a few of my specialties), and am pretty sure I'll get to it plus thaw meats and begin soaking beans for tomorrow.

As mentioned, food if I do well.  I suppose, if dishes are done, I could cook.  I might cook something easy.  But the reward is eating what I need not clean after.  We'll see.  Maybe a bit of both.

The snow, down here in the valley, mostly, is gone.  I was surprised it lasted as long as it did, if it makes for quite a sight.  Gone, if possible to be replaced tonight or soon given the temperament of the weather yet this year.  No complaints given the relatively mild winter... compared to usual but especially compared to national and global.

Britain and Boston (much of the East Coast) is buying Russian fuels!  At a dear premium.  If someone is working with the Russians, it's libtard pols, and against there own.  Nobility has always done crap like that, getting rich from it as well.  Gore may become the first global warming alarmist billionaire... in a time of catastrophic cooling.  If he doesn't get hung for the lies, deceit, theft, and wrong policy, no one will.

Well, on to waking, then dishes, food, and else.  Later.

Definitely more snow.

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Just a powdering, if surviving the sun so far.  Sam wanted out until she didn't.  If she gets pushy about it I let her take a closer look.  Sassy will never go out during the day, or during bad weather.  Sam won't waste my time, mostly.  If she finds scent she will spend a little extra time, and I'll usually offer it.  Sassy would spend all day at the door.  So I only give her a few minutes.  Or pretend to push her out.  : )

Tired.  Nap?  Maybe.  Awake for five and an half.  The goal is sixteen up.  So, as for splitting the day, it isn't a bad time.  A nap, a couple loads of dishes, then a pizza or other food run?  Maybe.  I'll definitely reward with a food run if I clear the dishes.  Three meals since last Sunday.  Yeah.  I need food.  Home cooked is best.  Impossible with dishes blocking the way.

Oh, something recently suggested.  Adding baking soda to the water for oven cleaning, as well as on spots, as a sort of mud pack.  As well, when cooled, spraying with vinegar if a bit more is needed.  Not sure I'm a believer but I'll give it a few chances.  I want it clean.  I don't mind using heavier chemicals, I just don't have them on hand.  If these fail, back to the old way.  And I'll look closer before buying my next oven.  Ashes are the easiest to deal with.  Dump this lefty stupid inspired crap.  Avoid all low energy-ecco "solutions".  They do it to themselves.

Received an email from a FB'er.  Had to laugh.  No, I won't visit your page.  Thought about writing an email, explaining.  Then I realized this is probably some sort of trap, data catchment, or such.  No, just no.  For lowq's and predators, even the ones who present as house pets.  I just removed the email.  Can't even trust to respond.  Yeah, it's that bad.

Yeah, a nap.  Good morning and day.

Why no post yesterday, later?

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I kept hoping work would go forward.  I planned to digitally pen something after I did some work.  I did shower, dried clothes which will get a tumble and hopefully be put up this morning, made a food run, changed dishes water twice, and stayed up to 18:00 to call my mom.  One last check.  She seemed well, better.  Then I went to sleep hard but well, waking at about 5:00.

I am sure I am dreaming.  There is a lot of pressure, tense scenarios, perhaps horror, but of the types I enjoy and handle easily.  Dealing with the dead, the damned, and darkness, to me, is like being paid $20 an hour for fobs to flip burgers... mindlessly relaxing and somewhat entertaining.  I am good at it, at the very least in my dreams.  So long as there are solutions, even seemingly impossible ones, I can make it happen, without breaking the dream.

I hit my feet hard yesterday.  I had forgotten the pumice bar kept in the shower.  It was useless with as thick as my skin used to be.  Now it has some use.  Between it and the dry aftershower rasp, plus occasional lotion, plus spray and powder...  I am hoping to get them better, then be able to relax on care to some degree.  Wearing socks most of the time; some sort of shoe always, even these house shoes; definitely those but what else?  Monthly pedicures once they are in shape; occasional lotion; occasional spray and powder.  It seems a bit much for long term care.  Too much fluid in and out makes skin, especially where blood flow is weakest, high maintenance.  Perhaps too high to really maintain?  It will probably always be a problem area.

Oh, snow, off and on with rain yesterday.  On through the night?  It isn't staying around, not here.  If it continues on east, it seems, they are getting accumulation.  March, in and out like a lion?  Better luck next month?  April fools!  I remember that in Iowa before, or thought so.  Early elementary, or so it seems.  I wonder what unvarnished weather history exists.  My guess is when they weren't fudging the numbers back then they have changed them since, from temps to precipitation, when, type, and amount.  They are hiding the real weather data.

Gotta prove the lie to support China, India, and destroy the West.  Socialism on the global scale.  Although, only to enhance superelites, take all employees down to equal, near slave, wages.  That is what you are supporting when you march for global warming and gun control.  Yes, destroy our economy and take the only right that ensures the rest!  Yes!

I'll set the dishes back up on my way to check laundry.  Hope for better today.  Later.

Another opportunity.

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Nothing more done yesterday.  Too tired.  I did stay awake until 18:00, then called.  She sounded much better.  I think she was pleased someone cared enough to check more than else.  It, sometimes, really is the little things.  I crashed as soon after that as my mind could sort to do.  Odd how, when extremely tired, my mind and body have to gear or maneuver to sleep.  I can't usually just crash, unless I am already falling, if that sort of fall isn't exactly truly sleep, more of a bodily failure.  I woke at around 4:00.  Fought it for an hour, uselessly.  Ten hours seems steep, but I pushed six hours past when I would have gone to bed.  Not bad, given the givens.

Cold again today.  Maybe that is just me.  A shower in an hour, two, less?  Soon.  Then back to work if possible.  No grand plans.  I think those get me in trouble sometimes, if that gets me going other times.  Just not this time?  Right.  I was thinking about taking the trash out.  Then I realized that all I have for trash is two pizza boxes.  Yeah.  One job I don't need concern myself regarding.

I'd sure like to do something today.  The wrench in the works is dishes.  So, that is the plan.  Other than a shower and shave, nothing else is planned.  Although, if anything else goes forward, I won't naysay it.  Focus is on just those.  All good.

I am noticing that the massages seem to be... correcting, helping, shaping.  If I could add swimming...  My feet, from skin to muscle, as well, are really doing well.  I can clip my own toenails.  And technically, I can reach to do the cuticles.  But I wimp out when doing those.  If it hurts, better to let someone else do it.  Those on my feet get so hard they are like razor sharp rays.  I guess they hurt because they harden on into the skin?  They are less painful each time, probably even less so as I moisturize my feet, even just occasionally.  Worth the money.  Walking is much better.  And I do believe the body is improving.

Good morning and day.

Oddly cold.

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Not very much.  Laundry was set to dry.  Dishes were reset but have gone cold.  I finished the last of the pizza.  A few very small other things.

I called my mother.  She fell yesterday.  Another snowstorm hit.  Beside dropping three inches of snow, the wind yanked her off her feet while trying to bring her groceries in... the wind snatched the screen door.  On her head, on a rock.  Rung some bells, cut her noggin.  I'd like to press her to go in.  She is seeing her doc soon, so won't.  I get that.  How can I tell her to do other than what I would do?  It isn't even, or all, about the money... or I'd send it.  She'd just go gamble?  ;p

Still, bothersome.  We don't always get along, if better lately, mostly.  I just don't like to think of such.  Good thing, as she says, she is a tough bird.  I plan on staying up later to call and check on her.  Otherwise I would crash.  Hmm.  Might try to do something until then.  Might have to just to stay awake.  Worried she might have a concussion.  Tough doesn't always cur it.

As to the cold here, it's strange.  It is raining, so above freezing.  Yet the cave is not keeping warm.  The water must be stealing heat in some way.  Not only is the furnace weak, the cold spots are massive.  Unless... visitors.  That would explain temperature anomalies.  My health would as well.  Hmm...  Actually, because of what I have eaten, I should be nearly fevered.  Regardless of the environment.  Never mind.

Right. Heading back to life.

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A cold spring, massages, forgetting to eat, the threat of hard dreams, health limits and perhaps a minor dip in health, any number... perhaps all.  A problem with one, three, even all if mild enough, or ordered in such a way that each can be mitigated (juggled, really), and I can sometimes get through.  Not this time.  I was already falling after overdoing a bit.  After the massage I mostly stopped remembering to eat.  Even milk would have helped.

I just drank tea.  A dire thirst beset my notions.  A fog settled over the rest of my senses.  Sleeping much, even while awake.  I don't mind.  It is still the colder part of spring.  There was sunlight today.  The world is preparing for a return to life.  I am as well.  I am thinking of finding the trailheads up to both the hard and easier climb into the mountain  to my south.  I don't need it to be fully open to begin going.  As long as the entrance is open and even fifteen to thirty minutes of the hikes are open, that would be enough.  Actually, having limits would be best in the beginning.  As well, I can handle the cold, even severe cold, far better than the heat.  Best check, and lighten, my smaller pack.  Thin rain gear, dry extra clothes in a waterproof bag, several fire systems, at least a pancho or tarp and cord, ax and blade, food and water for a couple of days...  and more.

The next day I am up to being out I plan on doing a bit of shopping and to go looking for trailheads.  I sincerely hope that day is today.  And a stop at the post.  I'm going to make an effort to keep more up on business.  Ugh.  I can automate just so much.  I am hoping to actually at least start dishes today.  I have finished laundry... two loads over two days.  I will run the dryer a bit to fluff, or finish drying, the last load while I check wools.  Finished unless there is enough wool for that sort.  I have refreshed the soak of the dishes, just never got to them, these last few days.  A shower and shave, this time?  I have been working on my feet... cleaning under the nails, doing light cuticle work, and rasping dry skin on shower days, and using lotion every other or third half day (either before bed or when waking).  Bleh.  Lotion is weird stuff.

Well, if I owe you mail, be patient.  I am in a rough spell, off my game, behind the eightball in half my affairs, and still thinking a nap would be the better part of valor?  Right.  Right?  Yeah.  Just a short one.  Probably.  Something I might do first?  Soak beans for chili.  I can't eat as I used to, so a couple of cups of black and pinto.  Another cup of kidney if I have them.  Then burger, sausage, and ground lamb or turkey if the price is right, onion, and spices.  I'll check the most likely place for domestic herbs and spices, not just for this.  I need thyme, tarragon, oregano, rosemary, sage, powdered garlic and onion, none of it from China or other suspect nations.

I can't believe IC had so much better fresh locally produced herbs and spices, dried and fresh.  Everything I find here is at least out of state.  Much of it is bottled, with extremely ambiguous origins.  I'll do what I can.  Started looking online... honest, but sourcing from Egypt, Israel, Italy?  Why?  I want US, and without a doubt.  But not the big brands.  They outright lie.  *shrug*  I am at the point of not buying, growing my own.  It's a matter of between now and then, assuming it is possible.  Ugh.

Did someone mention naptime.  Hmm, a Doom sized carton of milk first.  Plastic these days?  Bleh.  Wait until you realize plastic puts androgenics in the products.  Doesn't get adults, mostly.  Kids?  The targets.  Intentional.  Later.

You know, food is rather important.

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It isn't all of it.  It does play a role.  I realized I haven't been eating.  Probably running at 0 to 500 calories a day for... a while.  Maintenance caloric intake, if my body could run all functions at idle, would be between 2,500 to closer to 3,700 calories.  The thing is, even now, a third to two thirds of my systems are catatonic.  Switching from time to time.  Rather than closer to fatal energy per organ blackouts, I go through less severe rolling brownouts, and of shorter durations.

The problem with things is several-fold.  The first is that I am not working with constants.  How many calories burned per day depends as much on which organs and muscles work as what I may be doing.  What uses the most calories, and pretty much all other inputs?  The brain.  As well, my inputs vary greatly, for several reasons.  Sometimes because I can't eat, because I don't digest, forget to eat, or possibly other problems.  Some of those aren't calculable.

There is a simple way to know.  Whether machine or living, input in will approximate output by volume, or is understood through some rough algebra.  I... had started to wonder what the problem was.  Then... clear.  Way to few calories.  Pizza helped yesterday.  Tempted to do another run today.  I need several solid food loads, for several days, in order to kick things over.  I can't cook because I am behind on dishes, have nothing thawed, and just cooking is beyond my reach, possibly.  Bad food?  Some days calories in, any calories, is good.

No nightmares.  Surprised.  No dreams or remnant emotions.  I don't mind normal nightmares.  Those remind me how to respond to difficulties.  Practice.  It is only when the dream is fixed when they are difficult.  The past, or how I remember it, cannot be changed.  I am not sure which is expected.  I used to know when they would happen, though I never could tell which type.  Strange they haven't arrived.

Politics?  I was starting to suspect they had worn Trump down, or gotten to him.  This spending bill?  If it goes through it means Trump is done.  He is a wildcard, pretty alone, an outsider, and a pro-American in a political system fully hateful of it's own people... if he is as sold.  No easy task, if that is why he was chosen.  I guess we will find out if he surrendered or was always on the other side.  Tick.  Tock.

Later.

Never can be certain.

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I feel sure something is closing in.  Darkness, death, hard mean things.  The Sandman can send anything of fiction, even some things of fact, and not win.  I have died in my dreams.  I don't know if that would be fatal to you.  I just know it hasn't been for me.  Past performance is no guarantee of future truth?  There are things he could send.  My kill switch for those is iffy, or at least rusty.

A slow day.

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Turning up the furnace has worked.  Food has helped.  Both were employed.  Being a dark day doesn't help.  I will take a shower very shortly, put a load of laundry in, go to the post office, go for lunch, then return and hit the remaining dailies.  I will work today. I will get at least the basics done.

I keep seeing advertisements for the NRA.  And I would like to join.  Lifer, today?  However, being a veteran, whose only medical malfunction is heart related... and for that am exempted from gun purchases and concealed carry?   I can't join a club which doesn't serve me.  Get that fixed and I'll join right after I receive my concealed carry permit, and have it for six months to a year.  Why support rights I am not supported in having?  Especially service connected, totally disabled?  I earned that right more than most can, if rights aren't something that can be earned.  God given or mob rule are the only options.  Get it done or go pound sand.

Later.

Swinging days of spring.

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To bed by nearly 19:00, awake by almost 3:00.  Eight hours is the goal, sixteen hours awake, minus naps.  I know I dreamed.  Not the dark dreams I had expected.  I'll put music to the notion shortly.  Perfect match, several dreams, if not actually erotic.  About as pure cheesecake as one could imagine.  If... it sure leads another way.

Good night.

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Technically a nothing day.  Hmm?  Oh.  I called about the other phone.  They got tech out right today.  It is fixed.  I'll be checking it regularly.  If I can be sure it works, I can eliminate the cellphone.  Although I will have the ringer turned off, with no messaging.  I simply won't be harassed.  It is for my use only.  I really wonder if that isn't the problem. Can they attack the phone lines of those who refuse to answer?  Physically if need be?

Strange chow.

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I remembered a discussion with a young woman a year or two back.  The topic of quinoa came up.  She seemed to know of it.  So I asked of her experience.  Her mother, she said, would mix brown rice, quinoa, and perhaps other similar items.  I was told it was tasty.  I wasn't sure about cooking it together, didn't want to cook it apart, so sort of let it go.

With recent experiments in food being successful, the notion crossed my mind again.  I gave it a shot.  Just brown rice and quinoa, this time, cooked together.  It was rather good.  I went two rice per quinoa, two parts water per dry.  Wonderful, as far as such go.  Then I added burger, forgetting I had cooked sprouted wheat in that.  It made for an interesting meal.  A quarter cup of cheddar and a side of milk and life was good.

I think I am making bulgar, on it's own, with the wheat.  I'll try to remember where I read that.  The Joy of Cooking, 75th Anniversary, I think.  A pretty solid cookery, baking, and etc. tome.  If I had to have only one, that would be it.

Still zapped.  A nap?  Maybe.  Pretty dark out there still.  It has been raining.  Beats snow which beats ice.  And yet rains seems to make the world colder than snow.  Water creeps in, flows where snow isn't usually able, and in a volume snow can't duplicate.  Oh, they did get the recycling too.  After noon, almost 13:00?  I think so.  One last bit, my landline is down again.  I'll call them again.  Later.

It isn't about how I feel.

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For the most part I am feeling really good.  No aches, bunched muscles, knotted nerves.  It isn't that I am too relaxed, I went through that stage quickly, yesterday at about this time until 5:00 or 6:00.  Mildly.  It is a simple lack of energy.  It isn't to the point where sleep is desired.  Almost as much a lack of will power as it is a lack of energy.  Add in focus issues.

I'll chalk it up to what it takes for a nearly dead body to use a massage to learn to relax without surrendering that little tight grip that prevents death in full.  You do know I am not supposed to be alive, don't you.  Why do you think my feet have deformed?  Gripping to this world, to life itself.  So learning to relax without giving it all away takes external stimulus and internal filtering of that.  A lot more going on than appearances belie.

Still, the goal is to recover more swiftly.  Get back to work faster.  Then be able to do more work altogether in the end.  I will get there.  If I survive.  Probably.  Ugh.  That and eventual lowered blood pressure.  I can't show it has helped if I do sense that it has.  And, of course, the side effects.  Those mean something.  Much as with medication.  These sessions are rather potent.

I'll stick with the plan I made yesterday.  I am hoping to get back to things today, or tomorrow.  I will get back to things soon if not now.  I was speaking to my pedicurist.  She used to be a varied dancer.  As a once athletic type, I suggested how I used to prefer to remain relaxed, as relaxed as possible, until I needed a burst.  Then that spring was called in.  At first I wasn't sure she got it, then, maybe, it dawned on her?  Or was she merely being politely agreeable?  Anyway... I am hoping to find some spring in, from, through the relaxation.  It just needs energy.

Later.

Nothing.

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Other than it being 14:05, I am still awake without pain, and I ate a meal, that is it.  Further, it is bedtime.  It is what it was.  Good night.