Awake a bit late.

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Actually, that depends on whether compared to yesterday, the week of morning waking times before it, or if going by when I slept.  In those cases, in order, I would be late as stipulated, very early, or just on time given an eight hour preferred sleep cycle.  All three are true.  People sometimes think I am confused.  Confusing?  Yes, but because I am aware.  It is trying to explain things to people, even when I do it well, that causes problems.  Most people can't focus to hear, or lack simple linguistic or interpretive skills.

Sleep was good, if three hours of ac was required, and the fan all night.  It was 70 F, and not cooling.  Surprisingly that doesn't seem way to warm, just a little to warm to easily fall and stay asleep.  It means warming has been at a measured pace this spring.  I let the girls sleep with me and they were mostly good.

Fasting blood sugars were a bit high.  But... Oreos yesterday.  I know, but... sometimes!  I will have a few more, the rest will be for the neighbor youngens.  Probably.  I only buy one treat item every second or third shopping outing.  In any case, for normal meals I will begin taking before and two after readings (either hour and two hour, or half those, initially, until I figure out what is best).  I'll get back at it, and to fasting and the rest.

I didn't get to anything yesterday evening.  Not surprising as late as the nap ended.  Today I will get the trash and recycling, and as many dishes as possible.  I may need a nap, hopefully not until after much of those things are done.  Then a shower and shave, and perhaps work in the front room or living room, both?

I hope.  If I can stand.  In a bit.  Later.

If you are going to do it, do it right.

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What goes for work and play applies just as well for naps.  It seemed late, but then midnight to 1:00 is still bedtime, so it was a good time.  I went in hard, after settling in.  Then woke roughly.  I was in there for three, only slept two, battling an half hour on either side.  The battle to wake being the toughest.  While a fight both ways, it was worth it.

The other day, when out, I also shopped.  I got everything but what I truly intended.  Paper plates, large and medium, and butter is what I really needed.  I didn't get much.  The one thing I got that I have really been wanting was beef.  I went with meaty ribs.  If I need beef, not even steak will scratch the itch like bone in ribs, grilled just so.  Yeah, I have chicken and pork, grilled right, I just haven't had beef in a long bit.  It is too expensive.  Still is, it was a splurge.  I'll heat a few on the grill later.  I cool, then plastic wrap in portion sizes, same with chicken.  Roasts I wrap whole, slice through, then wrap over the ends.

Else tonight?  I am hoping to begin dishes and trash and recycling collection.  This coming week, assuming I get it all out, the other goal is to clean the barrel(s).  Bleach, brush, rinse, repeat as necessary.  And, with the double bagging process I have implemented, there is hope they will stay sweet(er, longer).  Garbage is refuse is smelly. Still, this, well, could use a little intervention.  Hmm, and keeping the new plants watered.  Every other day for the first week, after watering for the first two days. Which means  a drink tomorrow.  Then twice a week?  I really want asparagus.  As I see sprouts, I'll fill those back in.  As is, they are only lightly buried, as per instructions.  Two years, maybe three, before they crop.

What else this week?  One more load of branches to be removed, in the field.  Cleaning my room, the bathroom, and the kitchen, getting back on meds better, and then just keeping up on else.  Oh, and cleaning and clearing the refrigerator.  All of it?  You know, maybe.  I'll sure give it a shot.  I also plan, maybe, another option which has been on my mind.  All work and no prayer makes Jack's raging... if play is good too, if play is covered.

Later.

Oh, day schedule flip?

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How, why?  I did notice I started going to bed earlier.  Noted that at least once.  What I didn't mention was that I wasn't waking earlier.  I went to bed even earlier last night, for at least the third night running.  This morning I woke at 5:30ish, between five and six hours earlier, and very shy on sleep.  If I could have stayed in bed, I would have.  The bed hurts when I can't sleep.  I don't mind the change, I was, am, just a bit nervous about sleep deprivation.  It's been a while and I'd rather not go back to it.  I almost can never flip my schedule like this.  I have some thought that it might be the start of major flips, though oh well if so.

The weather has warmed, 70 plus F days.  Sun, and it is making it down to us.  Not a bad thing.  I think that is the main culprit, in the good sense.  Now if it would slowly rise to full summer temps over the next month.  I think I could handle that much easier.  I'll get what arrives, try to make do.  I may need a nap shortly.

My back is finally hurting.  But why now, days after the rest of my body is clear of pain?  There is the tightness elsewhere, but not sore muscles.  I may hit aspirin as I go in for a nap.  Leg joints are still a bit creaky, mildly pained.  Getting old and sitting too often and too long, then trying to work, I suppose?  -  Oh, I was lifting my feet during the pedicure, and shouldn't have been, that's what happened.

Yeah, just thought a bit of potential good news would be a change.  Later.

Rough, tumble, low.

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Life.  A difficult thing often enough.  Toss in being over one's head, suffering seriously physically, while having abandonment issues exasperated, and there I go.

I have too much to do and currently no good way to do it.  The house, the fridge, new and old business, projects, probably more.  It wasn't work that brought me down.  I was down physically.  Working through it was most likely a good thing.  If nothing else it offered real, or causal, pain to balance the system failure based suffering.  I need to get back on medicine for one thing, if I am not sure that helps anymore.  Did it ever?  Can it.  I'll... give it a go again.

My body feels bad.  Ever worn a compression sock, bandage, brace for what seems like too long?  Imagine a whole-body compression device, worn way too long.  Or being gassy, but having that sensation everywhere from torso to shoulder joints to calves.  No bloat or water retention, so there doesn't seem to be a simple actual physical cause.  I haven't been complaining, through the weeks, more maybe, as that doesn't help.  A grumpy body, lack of focus, exhaustion.  Warm sunny days would, might, help, if I truly fear blisteringly, blindingly, hot days.

After my masseuse left for unknown reasons, my pedicurist is leaving.  At least I know why with her.  And I got to say goodbye.  Just someone, but when you have few you deal with pretty much at all, each has an... extended value.  And then on top of the rest. The inverse of the cherry on top.  Such a mood.
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A dream, though.  Pinocchio.  Again?  I am almost sure this isn't the first time.  If this is a vastly different take.

I was Pinocchio.  Of a different sort.  Of flesh, but not what I thought.  I knew the one who crafted me, but knew him to be false... a corrupter and deceiver.  I went seeking whatever it would take to set things right, to understand, to know the truth.  Most of my kind refuse the truth for the vanity of their corruption.  I... just couldn't stop digging at, doubting, even hating, my corruption.  Still tied to it, but not enamored of it as most of my kind... the mirror just never was my thing, less the deceptive mirror.

The search began for the one who imbued what I then, originally, thought was my maker/father, with his will.  Or further, to the first or great Maker.  Most of my kind, in many ways, can't and won't see that far around, let alone attempt to approach that Being.  Reality is too painful for most.  Then again I wasn't sure there was anything out there to be found.  I... just suspected.

Cooking, nothing else.

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Tired and sore.  I wore myself out.  Can't get to things, mostly.  Chicken parts and a pork roast, grilled, crispy, perfection.  The neighbor needed the mower.  I was just putting the bird in, did pork separately.  I offered, he wasn't sure.  I went ahead without him, but he did show up.  Extra food for a hard working growing man is golden.  For me, it makes it easier to ask for help, to my mind.

Next month, work on the bathroom.  That will be the start of paying work.  I need to clean and clear my room.  I might try to remove the old vanity, drill for the floor drain, and a few other things beyond cleaning the room.  I have some ambitions, thankfully it is a small area.  I am still not sure about how to do shelving.  I want two levels, maybe three... a bottom one for towels and such.  Then a top one, possibly one for my height and one for a woman... shorter, easier to reach, upon which will go sinks.   I am not sure it can all be done in one month.  Just for the various expenses.  Though perhaps much of it.

I am really looking forward to having my own, close, bathroom again.  I have even thought about trying my hand at putting heated tile in.  Would have to check costs, and running expenses.  My electric heaters, in the southern rooms, cost a fortune to run even part-time, prohibitively to my notions.  So, without much other heat, warm floors would be nice.  A timer to have the floor warm just as I am waking, off the rest of the time.

Awake a bit early.

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Sore and early.  I keep thinking I have gone soft.  Little spots of work beat me up.  Then I remember medical facts.  I shouldn't be worn, I shouldn't be able to work.  Go find men, my age, who could be or are, and have been even for five years, on the heart transplant list.  See if any of them can help chainsaw, process, and remove a couple ton of branches and wood over a week or so.  Heck, there are many my age who can't do that. If there are some who can still run circles around me... just not among the nearly palliative.

Sleep was good.  It seemed to be going to be a good, easy sleep, so I let the girls in.  And, oddly, they behaved themselves.  A very good sleep.  A side benefit of putting out solid effort.  Another side benefit seems to be a return of my tolerance for the chill.  I have that in spades until winter slowly steals it.  It usually takes summer doses of heat to get it back.  Or, it seems, some solid work.  I'm enjoying it.  I wonder if summer work will help tolerate heat?  I think work changes something... vascular, lungs, and more, bodily changes, more so for me.  Opens up... everything.  Very strange.  But it has to be strenuous, near to excessive.  Even swimming won't do it, to the level I got, if it was only a mile an hour last time.

Hmm?  What next?  I'm thinking bigger, with help.  The stuff for the roof is too pricey for spring, perhaps fall.  However, if I tear into the bedroom and open up the en suite, that might be next.  Having a plumber on call, an extra hand on deck, and all the pieces and parts save shelving, flooring, a medicine cabinet, and paint... even ten to twenty hours a month would get it done it short order.  I just have to open my bedroom, including to the cubby hole to the crawl space to add a floor drain.  Could just have it drain right to the ground but I don't like that plan.  For now I will just use the regular water heater.   When it dies, then replace it with a tankless of the right size.  Ugh.

Then, by this fall, I should be able to put enough scratch together for roof sealant.  As well, finish rekitting appliances.  I think I'm going with a new water out reefer, a smaller side refrigerator, and a dishwasher.  Next spring the hope is to have enough stowed for at least a new electrical main and new central heating and cooling.  Eventually the kitchen floor, a sub to the garage,  new roof waterways and storage...  I sort of don't think raised beds are in the books.  More edibles, however, here and there?  Perhaps, in time, a new automatic watering system.

I did remember to thaw meats.  To be barbecued.  Chicken hindquarters and the pork roast, the burger will just go to crumble and the lamb chop was grilled for supper.  As well, I'd like to boil some of the eggs.  Just to have some on hand.  Not all though, I want to fry a few soon.  While cooking, the goal is to wash and straighten out there.  That, perhaps a bath, and maybe a shave?  That is all I have planned for today through tomorrow... well, maybe a few phone calls.

Good day.

More.

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More help, more work, times two.  The neighbor wanted the mower, as per usual.  It is a good deal.  While he was doing that, without telling me, he also raked.  I wasn't up to that level but had I known I would have been out helping.  I had started planting though.  Then decided to take a shower.  Got that and got back to planting.  He showed back up and dug right in.  I hadn't expected to finish tonight, but, done.  It is being watered as I write.

Tomorrow is phone calls, dishes, and perhaps shopping.  Mostly paper plates.  I am hoping to grill most foods from now on, except for an occasional baked potato.  Difficult to grill those, or for me.  The difference help makes is quite impressive.  Only a few hours at a time, but I can do some honest work still.  I really enjoy it too.  Not like these younglings, but not bad.

Wonderful.  I have steaks ordered for the first, ribeye.  That is partial, plus cash, and other tools or toys.  He needs steel toed boots, too.  Beats spending on junk, which I have been heard tell to do.  Oh, and the raft and climbing gear use.  I have smaller but fun toys and tools.  And time, even energy, with a little help.

On to gaming.  Yeah, days and nights are sliding.  Considering this spring, I am surprised my days and nights aren't zipping around.  Good night, even if it's not close to bedtime.  See you on the flipside, unless a thought haunts my night.  Sleep well.

Some, more soon?

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A few calls.  Not all, but they are lined up.  Two more, three actually.  My doctor left a message to call back.  Too late for calls today.  Tomorrow.  A piece for my air compressor is on the way.  Eight to ten days, really?  The woman was pretty rude, too.  Still, done.  One other call that turned into such a nothing it has already been forgotten.  Then I just lost track.

It is such a chilly day.  The highest I have seen is 62 F.  While not terribly cloudy, there is enough of something up there to keep most of the sun out.  Very strange.  The lack of sun and warmth makes the day difficult, add on the heavier work lately and...  I am not surprised by today, even if the sun was shining like a top.  Then again, it could be much worse.  After the last snow storm my mother enjoyed, the ten incher, they received seven inches in another storm.  As bad as it has been, I wouldn't bet they haven't been hit again.  Still, the weather is adding to a slowdown even here.

I am hoping to shower, perhaps do some planting, maybe shave.  IF.  If I can remember, focus. Might take a nap in there somewhere.  Later.

Fantastic sleep.

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Sore but not tired.  Twelve hours down.  No dreams.  Only minor fussiness.  Waking a few times, Sam or Sassy beating on the door or yeowling.  Is that Chinese... Catonese?  I knew one of them was a damned commie spy!  The other is a government stooge though, I think.  Damn those pet treats!  Anyway, I went immediately back to sleep.  When I need hard sleep, I don't let them in.  Plus they have been in with me for the last three or four days.

Almost to the sore state that begins numbness.  I do have dead zones, the main muscles used for sawing and lifting.  Must be lifting and sawing right as my back only has minor tickles here and there.  Getting some solid vein poppage.  Actually, I feel better than I thought.  I have phone calls, dishes, planting, and maybe a shower and/or shave on my list.  Calls are easy enough, but I'd like to do some physical work too.  Maybe.  A late start, so I best at least line up calls first thing, make them in a bit.  Any actual work can happen any time, even after dark.

The lungs are actually doing better.  Perhaps greater stress on them helped make normal breathing simple, or I fully pumped out air, cleaning and clearing right to the bottom, perhaps something(s) else, or even a combination.  Life, as to breathing, is much better.  One of the calls today is to investigate swimming.  Maybe once a week to start, or twice actually.  No pass until I see how it goes, summer and winter.  It is a closer drive than the last.  Yeah.  That will help.

I realize, for the rest of my life, I will struggle.  To push, pull, jostle, with hurt, focus, even breath sometimes.  But I was built to last.  I have a long gruesome road out there.  And, yet, I'll tell you, I am not just subservient to the road ahead, I am... looking forward to it. I think there is still a lot of good out there yet, maybe even a woman.  Crazy as such a notion is, there it is.  It's good to have peeps, and dames are all I like.  Mostly like them.  A rose by any other thorn.

Well, I'll wrangle the numbers I don't have, wake, read, game, then get to it.  I'd sure like to plant things today, even over dishes.  I really need paper plates.  Later.

Work.

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I really tried to talk my way out of it.  Wouldn't take a no.  Was willing to work solo.  I... just couldn't allow that.  My last official bp?  226/124, pulse at 120.  Still, I could so I did.  Got a lot more done than anticipated, and in an hour and change.  But I am beat.  A bit of final processing and a lot of hauling.  Quite a lot of work.  Beat like a stray.

I'll get to planting when I can.  Soon.  They need to go in pretty fast.  Thursday, at the earliest, though.

The lad bit himself with the chainsaw.  Just a bit, but.  I have saw proof chaps, he wore them last time, why not today.  I didn't see it happen.  It was right as we were finishing logs for the community fire wood pile.  Ended the day.  No more sawing, at least not without chaps.  Might need stitches.  Yeah, I'll cover if so.  Those chaps are pricey, but probably cheaper than even the out-of-pocket stitches.  Dang kid, trying to get one of his parents to end me!

I was going to get dinner too.  I gave him a few dollars.  If he needs stitches he can get a meal on the way.  Gah.  I need to purchase butterflies (bandages).  I do have staples, medical, two sizes, but those are for no-doctor events.  Three butterflies, medium to small, would probably have been enough.  Dang kids, trying to give me a heart attack.
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All is well.

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Internet downtime.  While trimming the trees, a branch snagged the internet, Saturday. They were worried I'd be upset.  Not a chance.  To have those gone, no longer worrying about both internet and power lines every time the wind blows, but not shelling out $600?  Yeah, no problems.  An internet timeout is good from time to time as well.

We cut a lot more tree sized branches.  I worked to my end, Saturday, then kept going back to it as I could.  Then worked more yesterday.  I am hoping to do more today but I can't promise.  I am sore and very tired.  Still, it is possible.  All I would be doing today is processing and stacking good wood and branches separately.

The house is falling apart though.  I have been doing so much outside work, and ran out of paper plates.  I'll... get on it soon.  I also need to get fresh coffee, just a pot in the morning, with fresh cream, then back to tea for the rest of the day.  I absolutely enjoy the DeWalt cordless tools.  I've been running them through their paces without a hitch, save the compressor... which reminds me... a call to them today.

I think the asparagus is in.  And one of the new ac units.  One or two more before summer heat.  I refuse to cook, I'll figure it out.  If needed, I may have another trick for if it gets really dry.  It'll work, the trick, with window or whole house ac.

Definitely asparagus, plus I have jerusalem artichoke bulbs in.  If I can do something today, it will be those.  Oh, did I mention?  I have a source of fresh eggs, delivered!  Life is getting better.  They don't do meat birds, or yet.  Raise chickens and ducks, so I have some hopes.  All good as is even so.

Even being tired, I got a shower and made it to the post, then called to order steaks from the local butcher in various thicknesses, and called to change an appointment to what it was supposed to be.  Next, to find the number for DeWalt, about the compressor.  That... may be it for the day.  Tired and then some.

Good day.

Work and play.

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More processing, then eventual hauling wood.  I keep thinking of climbing, if I am not sure.  There are a couple of larger trees needing trimmed.  Some of that will reqire someone to climb, or really big equipment.  It might take some of each.  I'm not sure about letting anyone else go up, save professionals.

Blood sugar last night, after supper, was 224.  It was 233 fasting.  I mean to begin testing it first thing before each meal and an hour and two hours after each meal for the next week.  As well, to test various foods.  Kefir water, dairy kefir, and various breads.

Getting pretty worn.  One more load out.  As to more cutting, if possible.  Later.

Food and work.

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Seriously good day.  I did get the area ready.  Handily.  More, it is incentive to dig much deeper.  The drills worked quite well.  Amazing tech.  The snaking extension for the torque was a lot of help, if it's first use was on the standard driver.  Couldn't get the tv arm.  I need new bolts.  One of them is broken.  The new component shelving is much better. From looks to function.

The ribs and all worked out really well.  It wasn't my best, but it wasn't bad.  Pork ribs, peas, potatoes, mandarin oranges in whipped cream, and milk.  I also grilled a pork roast, so as to have plenty of food for the next few days.  I am hoping to do some things, having food a warming away helps.  It was good.

I tried to call my mom.  It's a Friday, if the weather is good, I'll bet she is wanting to get over and help her friend.  Or, just maybe, it was a long week and she needs rest.  She'll get back to me when possible.  Probably.

I want to get my business prepped for Monday.  Calls, phone company, compressor manufacturer, mortgage company, massage parlor, and several others.  So many problems, if I am caught up on my end of things.  The blood sugar test arrived today, plus bits and test strips.  I'll actually start using it thrice a day, or more, to get back in the game.  I know it's ugly, but... start where you are.  As well, I have several groups of asparagus arriving soon.  That will go in immediately.

Not bad, peoples.  As the world warms, until it gets too hot, I think I might get busy.  With a little help from my friends.  Later or good night.

Ready.

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A shower just to say I did.  Then I tore into the area around the tv.  Wow.  Carpet.  With or without help, I will change out the console shelving.  I don't think I can solo the tv arm.  It's not weight, it's dexterity plus weight, possibly even a bit more.  Not worth betting a grand or two on.  A new tv is in the works, but more like this coming winter.  Prices have come down, for features.  Quality?  I don't think quality can be bought.  It's all a risk.  Sometimes a few (ton of) dollars more will reduce risk a small bit.  A very small bit.

Tea is brewing, meat is ready to grill, had to dig out butter from the freezer.  I had more, I know I did.  I really need a german shepherd, one I can depend on to keep the unwanted out.  She can be trained to know the right people easily enough.  Meth-heads or just standard thieves?  They steal plain things, like butter.  More annoying than anything.  Mostly.  Well, and gas.  It does add up.

Later.

Most of the list.

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Trash, recycling, and the branches.  It is what I could do.  I also sorted veggies and put canned fruit in the reefer.  I was hoping to wake in time to do the last part, and I think I did.  A longer sleep, but nothing like the last sleep.  I went down sometime from late 20:00 to late 21:00?  Then woke at a bit past 7:00, if I could have sworn when I checked as I rose that the clock read 5:42 or so.  Sleep was good.

It'll take a bit to get going.  I've found a trick to quench and brush then do a proper mouth rinse.  The instructions say to give the rinse an half hour.  But I wake so thirsty.  I can't wait.  So... I drink as much as it takes, then brush and rinse.  One would think the solution should be simple.  It is, but realizing to do it, when so often eye-burning tired... that is the trick.  My teeth are greatly improving.

I should get on to my morning.  A shower pehaps, I'd like a shave, a bit of cleaning here and there, Internet rounds, you know.  Later.

Outside first.

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Tree limbs.  Beside three, which morphed into five, I hit a bunch of dead ones.  They were much shorter and hidden up in there.  Some of them had to be removed just to go higher.  The battery is on it's last light, of three.  I got a lot of work out of it.  I also processed the ones I cut down.  Not sure if any others need processing, parted out for easier removal.

I'd like to get the trash and recycling out.  I redid cat litter earlier.  As well, I need to clean an area in front of the tv, in order to put up a new shelf.  As well, might redo the tv swing arm.  I just feel as if that isn't as secure as it should be.  But first some food.  Say a quarter of the chicken, the rest of the beans, and a big glass of milk.

I have boneless pork ribs for grilling tomorrow.  I believe I have fresh salsa too.  A can of veggies will finish that of well, perhaps with milk, tea for me, and a can of fruit.  Chilled fruit, with whipped cream.  Better get that fruit in the fridge.  Oh and potatoes of some sort, or sweet potatoes.  Not everyday food, just taking care of business.

I've... got things to do.  Later.

A perfect lunch.

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A bit much.  Still a good bit for later or tomorrow.  Plenty to share some with the girls.  The ladies enjoy chicken, usually.  The sides worked out well as well.  I'm a bit overfull is all.  I am considering a nap, if a bit gunshy after what was supposed to be a nap yesterday.  Though, perhaps?

I really want to cut branches then do some cleaning in the kitchen before napping, if I do need to relax a bit after lunch.  Life really can be good.  Even when the seasons are off.  Food, good food, is the way to go.  Hmm, might make good barter too.  Cash is good but a full belly pays very well too.  A bit of both, which also sees me well fed too.  Business isn't always only about blood... or... well... human(ish) blood.  The butcher will feed the mechanic for the fix.  Business.  If it is never what it seems, or so suggests my Lord, Lamb, Teacher.

Get to it, if you can.  The girls are spying on me, and begging.  Did I forget their regular meal?  Yep.  They have been extra patient, must be the chicken.  Still.  Oh, and litter work for them after feeding them.  Later.

Now that was a sleep.

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Wow.  Down at noon thirty yesterday, up at 5:30 this morning.  The work, trips to town, and all, pretty much floored me.  Well, and it is still getting down into freezing at night.  I woke a few times to go to the bathroom, and dreamed much.  All that I can remember, or all save one I merely remember my feelings regarding, were good.  The one I actually remember was one about all the unrequited loves from when I was in grade school. Yeah, I had actual lovers already, so these were considered.  It was good to have female friends, back when that was possible.  The truth is, at least for me, it is women who can't just be friends.  Something about something?  Whatevs.  I have dreamed of other sorts of those.  A favorite dream theme, cherished memories, friends, and even some flirts.

I'm thinking of putting chicken in the oven, a whole one.  Perhaps mashed potatoes, gravy, and green beans?  Yeah.  It would warm the house too.  Hopefully I might hit the trees and make some calls after that.  Then make it to mid evening before sleeping again.  I must have been really tired.  I haven't slept like that in a very long time.

Another dark day.  No wind, tree work should be easy enough.  It's more about warming up, fuelling up, and getting going.  My arms are still sore from tree trimming, and perhaps the massage.  Perhaps a body only shower.  If you shower too much, at least for me, lotion might help.  I bought bag balm, to compare with the others.  It is the best for holding moisture.  We'll see about the rest in time.  I am hitting knees, elbows, arms, legs, and feet.  The rest seems to do fine without, save occasional kefir on the face.  Eats the dead and burned.  I think mixing them will be a better bet.  Allows for showers when clean but needing to warm or cool.

Have a good morning.

Out and back.

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A massage, at 9:00?  I woke at a quarter to eight.  It's a good thing I both remembered and had mojo.  I jumped, showered, and was still out before eight.  I just can't go for a massage without showering fresh.  It helped that I showered yesterday.  Clean on clean is easy.  The new gal did well.  It's a blessed thing.  I sent a short prayer of thanks... before nearly blanking with what goes on in mind and body.  Oh, no changing into robes.  Those came mid thigh, which means, essentially, a mini skirt.  *wink*  If I work the ladies up any more than I already do I might have to flee... or die rested until they finish with me.

Then to the grocery store.  I know, I swore off meat, but...  And veggies, brand name, were on for ten for ten.  I bought those in three types, plus mixed fruits, beans, and smaller cans of tomatoes.   That should keep me for months.  Chicken hindquarters, more pork, and a steak.  I had to think about the steak.  It was that or Jimmie Johns.  The steak won, and was barely cheaper.  Next, the hardware store.  I had enough cash in case there was a card problem again.  Wood blades, in two lengths.   Supposed to last five times as long.  I'll find out.  Card went through.

Nice, goodie, grand.  I have the steak salting, a potato and sweet potato baking, a can of corn drained, ready to be buttered and cooked with the steak right on the grill, in the can.  I fed the girls, will do their litter shortly.  I may nap after lunch?  If I can, I am hoping to make a few calls and trim three more easier to reach branches.  Or... well... not.  It's time to start the grill.  Have a great day.  Later.

A solid day.

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Tree limb cutting and processing, a doctor appointment, and some shopping... an attempt at shopping anyway.

The other evergreens were completed.  Lower branches were cut so even I may walk under them without ducking.  Then another tree was cut to encourage upward, not outward growth.  Then most of that was processed.  As well, areas were tilled.  It looks like asparagus is dead, and where it was won't work.  The tilled area will work.  I need to order some for fast track delivery.  The jerusalem artichokes didn't winter, if in part because they didn't get water through late summer.  I have new bulbs, will put those into the soil, as well as the horseradish which did survive (bigger tub, more water reserve).  Or I'll leave the horseradish until I harvest in the fall?  We'll see.  Half the rhubarb survived, all of one kind if I can't remember which variety.  That is in the ground already.

After branching, I had to jump in the shower and run.  In time, easily, but just, too.  BP was pretty rough, and that is from me.  Blood test will show A1C.  Bleh.  I discussed potassium.  I guess this new stuff is what is available.  I'd rather have the old stuff.  I also learned of a blood sugar tester and strips he, as a diabetic, recommends.  I ordered those right away.  I know, I know.  I've fallen down on some of this.  I'll call in and schedule for July, to be ready for driver license paperwork.  Swimming?  He thinks that would be good.  On my call list now.

Then I went to the hardware store, for wood blades, for the sawsall.  My credit card didn't work, but I had just used it at the doctor office, then to pay for blood tests.  Whatever.  I'll try again soon.

A good day.  I am quite tired.  Pleased.  I'll keep at it.  Good night.

Did good, thus blog, get the memo?

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As I mentioned, I don't care.  I knew I was much more widely read than indicated.  I also mentioned that it doesn't matter to me what they do about readership stats, at least in an economic way.  They would have demonetized me anyway.  I am sure I am more widely read than indicated even since they changed things, if that is due to tech out of their ability to track, probably.

It could be a fluke, too.  If it isn't the only thing which has changed, or on just their platform.  I think they caught a glimpse of the murderous rage out there, and realized they... are few and putzes, as is their security.  If you can piss off an old vegan vagina to the point she murders people, wait until the more aggressive figure out they are being trashed, stifled, etc.  I am surprised it hasn't already happened.  Then again who knows.  They might have been able to shut down reports, until now.

Perhaps they don't like counting from sources they can't verify, as ad money is tightening and becoming demanding as to reality of clicks, and often the exclusion of conservatives.  They are trying to eliminate conservatives all together, if apparently others as well.  Perhaps the woman's problem was she was Iranian and Iran didn't like her?  How much pull do nations and even corporations have on shutting people down?  Is it pull or by fee, both?

All I know is, this month I am at nearly 8k, if dailies are more in the 130 to 170 range.  And other platforms have stopped jacking me around, or as often.  Though, even as an old vegan, her actions and loss are unfortunate.  I don't currently worry about the other side.  I think she did open some eyes to the situation though.  Next time I have a drink I'll raise one to her... even if I get shut down for writing this.

Days and nights are switching.

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First, with help I was out in the sun, almost, for some hours.  Enough to get a sunburn if some know that doesn't take much.  At least just post winter.  That kicked things off.  And I was awake until after 17:00 that evening.  Similar the next night, then 23:19 last night, from a number of missteps.  Even so, all good.  I think that can be tamped down, back to a better sleep time.  I woke at 5:19, but didn't actually rise for just at an hour later.  I didn't stay down because of exhaustion, it just seemed too early given the bedtime.  More sleep was futile, and I could rest no more.  Only one option remained.

Phone calls, when business hours resume.  Perhaps to town, or tomorrow.  One of my intentions was thwarted yesterday.  And there is another thing I'd like to consider plus roof coatings I'd like to learn more about.  Some of those would are extremely spendy.  Some seem quite cheap, too cheap?  Gotta sort that out.  If I am going spendy, or even middling, buying in batches might be best.  Though, with gooder(tm), I may not need to replace bolts?  A very high price point might, or nearly, pay for itself.  Though that might be bumpkiss too.  Salesman and companies will sell you whatever you want to hear, reality be damned.  And many reviewers are bought and sold on the hard, even rather cheaply, when they aren't company (pro or con) stooges.  When fung Enquish reviews, can tell Chiner maki, boat for an agrainst.  :p

Sleep was good.  No pain.  Still a bit sleepy, if normal morning type.  The kefir water is doing very well.  The last batch has been refrigerated.  The recent bottled batch received more (about a third(ish) more by volume), and varied dried fruit (chopped dates and craisins), and is carbonating much better and faster.  I am excited to see how well these work out, and will be adding more fruit next time.  Seeking the golden volumes.  Gah!  I need to get a lab notebook and begin keeping as absolute of notes as possible.  There is probably a way to measure carbonation via it's ability to buoy various masses/shapes and at specific temps... if I were to guess at reinventing that wheel.  I suspect there are not only presets, but industry standards based on those.  It's how my mind does, if my body is able.  Science is engineering as Einhorn is Finkle.  It's... an ugly truth, makes people uncomfortable, and can cause nausea.  At the end of the day it is what it is.  Functional science is, and only, engineering.  The rest is mostly fiction.

Yeah, things to do.  Heck, if the wind has ceased I might even get out and trim the trees.  Some, all?  What I can do.  Oh, and learning to notate and test kefir soda will get me too do the same for soap.  I need it much more for soap than soda.  Soda can't burn anything, soap can be harsh in two ways.  But soda is less complex, so a better starting project.

One last note.  I have started buying small ac units.  Hopefully to fit in various windows, to be programmed to hit when the sun is past or not there.  It's a cheap(er) fix for heat, at least by initial cost.  Running expense?  The one I have still works, if the remote control may not.  I'll try new batteries.  But it isn't enough for the whole house, or the main part.  I want more.  I ordered a 5k. If it fits, I may try an 8k.  Running them lightly, on a sun/shade based schedule, where they will fit, plus with the stone walls, I am hoping to figure out how to keep the place more reasonable.  Tinker, tailor, soldier, sailor, it isn't all about...  Get.  It.  Done.

Later.

Mix and sort.

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The wind is shooting out there.  I could probably still get up a ladder to cut limbs, but I don't believe that to be the choicest idea.  As well, I am not up to talking.  A trip to town, for cat litter and cat food, groceries, and perhaps the hardware store.  While I am going again soon, I don't want to be piling up shopping on top of those.  And I always forget something(s).  Plus, if I shop today, then I only have calls the next few days, restful things that won't dig into the rest.  The branches I'll save until the wind backs off.  I'll bet it's hitting 20 to 30 gusts.

A shower, no shave.  I'll get dressed shortly, and out.  I think I have a couple month's supply of cat food, but when I open it, that's it.  I like to have an open supply plus four month's of canned, and usually about six to eight month's of dry.  I like to have four months of poorly tended litter, which nearly doubles with daily scooping, if I am only human... sort of.  Dry is good, wet is at a third, and litter is all gone.

I have to get veggies.  I am holding off on more meat, mostly.  Perhaps bacon.  What I have should last.  I am planning to go to ribeyes, from the butcher, this next month... a couple plackets, 1/2", 1", and 1 1/2", about equal numbers... to test what, or which, cuts will work best.  While I am not officially fasting or doing keto, I am doing worse by doing those but doing them poorly.  Steady as she goes is best, even if a bit off it is superior to eclectic consumption.  I'll buy some canned veggies, if I'll wait, join Sam's Club again, then really stock in over the next few months.  Food, love to hate it, buy it.  Especially knowing what it all turns into!

I best get dressed and going.  Later.

A strange night.

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Or so it seems.  I'll do the math as I write.

I went to bed well after 17:00, definitely slightly before 18:00.  In the high 30's to 40's.  I looked, then checked again, if that is as good as memory works when I am that tired.  I slept well but needed the fan.  If I don't need it for cool, which oddly, has... or hasn't depending how you see it... been the case lately... due to extended cool or reduced health?  Anyway, while I don't need it for the extra chill, I can tolerate it and need it for extra air.  Lungs are cranky, difficult to breath while reclining, just... the body being tired?  It is as if breathing is too much work.

I really should look into swimming again.  Along with massages, meds, and else...

The kefir water is working out exceptionally well!  As long as it isn't flat it really works well.  Fizz galore, both in what has been bottled and what was reset.  I am out of dry fruit, which is what makes it work.  I used dried cherries, which I will replace.  I also intend to try craisins, raisins, ginger, and perhaps mango.  I love it when it starts to make sense, the process and the plan.

I woke around 1:15ish.  So... seven hours and change?  It seems a bit short, shorter on sleep than the numbers account.  I'll probably need a nap before long.  Mostly business calls today, though some work too, hopefully.  Maybe inside and out.  I'd really like to get more tree limbs.  As much to get that touched up as to get outside and do real work.  A nap will be required to be sure.

Later.

A day down.

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Well and truly worn, or I would do something.  I am still hoping to finish the few dishes rinsing, perhaps do a bit of work in the kitchen, and spiffy the bathroom.  I did cook a bit of food, burger and rice.  Along with cheddar and a glass of milk, it worked well.  It seems to have warmed the body.  Oh, and maybe a shower.  I did fuss with the water kefir, bottling some, resetting another batch.

I am staying water free, in the lungs and legs.  Work, water pills, massages, and pedicures all seem to work to keep pathways open.  I am keeping up on lotion, every two or three wake/sleep cycles.  It seems to be enough, as it continues to take very little lotion, and there is no snagging of wool or cotton socks.  It is still strange how my feet go from burning hot to numb or even burning cold.  It just doesn't make sense.  Oh, I am hitting the elbows now as well.  Even using a single dab for both feet there is enough remaining for the hands, arms, and elbows.  Amazing.  Odd though, we become high maintenance right about the time(s) we become less able to tend those needs.  So be it.

I didn't expect too much today.  I really, for me, of late, did a lot yesterday.  I even got a solid sunburn, and it wasn't full sun, plus I avoided the sun... or really being out of shade.  Lobster look.  A cooked one.  Yeah, that gets to me too.  Well, and it's back to being a dark day.  Ugh.  It almost feels as if more precipitation is coming.   Yeah.

All good.  I'll do what is possible over doing the impossible as is.  Good day.

Actually, I was busy.

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Neighbor's son number three visited.  Time to begin mowing, which meant taking off the plow and tire chains, then installing the the mower deck.  We were going to sharpen the blades, too, but oops.  This fall.  It took a bit, mostly looking up instructions.  Well, and messing with the air compressor.  It is dumping air through the moisture dump on the bottom.  Have to deflate the tires to get the chains off, which means reinflation.  Got it done, but barely.  Damned companies these days, and that was DeWalt.

The mower is ready, if it could use oil.  The weedwhip started right up too.  But we also cut saplings and shoots, cut branches from one of the evergreens and removed those and regular fallen branches to the town branch collection station.  Oh, used the cordless sawsall on the branches and all.  I wasn't expecting much.  I was wrong.  Using the most powerful battery I have, it chewed through three inch branches with ease.  I think even a six inch branch.

Between this and that, we ended up doing a goodly lot of work.  Tinkering, to figure things out, while technically doing nothing, is sometimes a lot more work than doing something... often.  I will see about a phone number, about the air compressor, and call that tomorrow.  I want that ready to go.  I think it is powerful enough to jack two roofing nailers at a time, at least, if it will hold air.

I also asked about work this summer.  Help with the roof.  New larger bolts and painting.  Just the lower areas, for now.  And, if time and money holds, shingling the shed.  Yeah.  He believes so.  Just wants to check with the parents.  Either way, I'll be hitting that this summer.  It's more about how much will be done, and how fast.  Hmm, best look at paint/sealers, see what won't be a problem for rain water collection... a project for next summer, or the next two summers.  Perhaps most of the gutters up (all bought) next summer, and the big holding tank and final connections the summer after that?  Everything ends up costing more than it seems it would.

We worked so that with cooling down, I didn't get to bed until 17:00, well into it... Actually 18:19, I looked right before jumping down the rabbit hole.  When I crashed, it was a fast lights out.  Nothing like a little work to sleep as a child.

He wasn't expecting it, didn't help for it, but beside what was done, I was grateful to have someone give me a push to work, that I offered a small coin gratuity.  Not a full worth, but not a sneezer either.  Anyway, that is why no post.  I really was busy, then too tired.

I am hoping to springboard from this on to more solo work.  Branches from the other evergreens, perhaps clean the garage, straightening tools, and kitchen work.  I am up on things, dishes and airing anyway.  Now to dig deeper.  Figuring out tools will be a general help in part of the kitchen.  Yeah.  Today was great, but as with a few other things, it ain't over.

Good morning and day.

Timing, and memory, are off.

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I can't remember when I went to sleep.  I suspect it was 10:00, 10:30, or noon thirty.  By memory, perhaps as late as 14:30, if I think that is when milk showed up, so no.  Though I can't actually remember when it arrived, being that I was awaken mid-sleep, can rarely remember during such.  Still, I think as I write.  Oh, I woke around 22:00-22:30.  Most probably.

I didn't call about the appointment, I'll do that today.  I didn't set up the carts, will do that as well.  I jacked the furnace in hopes of slaking the chill, to no good.  I'll try again today.  Even with a shower I just can't get or stay warm.  Still, better than being too hot, if I have to choose.  I'll still set up a bath and jack the furnace again today.  Did someone say mid-April?  It was 35 F at 10:00-11:00 today.  Really?  Kewl.  ;p

Dinner is on.  A pork roast, potato, and a glass of milk.  Nothing fancy, but it will do.  I herbed the roast well, an Italian blend, plus salt and pepper.  As well, I am roasting it in cast iron. I do it for flavor, but for those literally low on iron, a frequent problem for dames, it really does add iron to the diet.  I really need to purchase canned veggies.  I can't keep up on frozen.  Perhaps not the best, but beats nothing.  Three or four cans a week, max, would do more good than not.  Yeah.  A can of regular beats would be good, heated and buttered.

I have just been easing into the day.  Turning the furnace up might help.  It may just be health. When the furnace and independent thermometers read 74 F, and your are freezing...  That is why a bath is under consideration.  Crazy.  I can only imagine those who have, and have had it, really cold.  Still, lie about things, for religion, politics, economics, or any reason, especially to redistribute wealth (to elites and the lazy, if in a way I repeat), and you get what you deserve.  It ain't over.

Well, I'll try to get after a few things.  May you get to a few things as well.

Good morning and day.  Hupp!

That was easier than anticipated.

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I thought constructing the carts was going to be a bear.  The boxes weigh forty, perhaps sixty, pounds.  As weak as I have been, tired, the notion weighed on my mind.  I am familiar with the process, bars, double clips, friction.  It can ce a bit much, especially when they are seven feet tall.  The last one was that, or nearly.  Most people can't do those solo.

It turns out these were very easy... once I got them out of the box.  Actual assembly took less time than opening and setting up the effort.  Even that didn't take much time, if it did take solid work.  If it took fifteen per, I'd say ten minutes average time.  Then I put an umbrella stand together, so fast I laughed at it and the other fears.

I realized I needed to clean small mouth jars, for cream, or I have to do non-refundable deposits.  I had to transfer the cream, first.  I set the other dishes to wash, and jar lids.  But I hit the jars themselves.  Washed, twice, rinsed, and drying.  I'll get the rest shortly.  Can only do so much.  A shower, and shave it is hoped, after dishes.  Then some calls.  Reset the missed appointment and see about getting or giving the jars.  Ugh.

I'm hungry, but not.  Eggs?  That doesn't sound good, or on it's own.  What?  I'll think about it.  Later.

By the numbers.

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Seven.

A strange day.

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I did get a shower taken, then to the post office, just in time for a package.  Then to lunch.  That was it.  It was snowing today.  Some seem less surprised.  And, since I see what I do, I absolutely shouldn't be shocked, I was.  Why?  Knowing, seeing, doesn't change feeling.  We are getting it quite mild, even this late, compared to the rest of the country, even world.  Even with them suppressing the real temps, and snowfall depths, the whole world population is waking.  All fun and games until everyone is watching and cooking the books becomes impossible.

As to work, that was it.  I was awake until 14:00, probably closer to 14:30, then just woke at 21:00ish.  Sleep was quite good.  Dreams of a very good, if private sort.  No, nothing... just not all things are to be shared.  Yes, good sleep and dreams.  A bath today.  Just because, if not right away.

I still have dinner dishes.  Just a few.  I will reset those, but the main impetus is the carts and drying rack.  Oh, then calling about the missed appointment.  The first and hopefully the last.  Being able to make and reset within a week makes a world of difference.  I just forgot the day change.  It happens.  If anything else, beside dishes as an aside, clearing here in the living room... clearing and organizing.  I can sort boxes while I sit, if that can be as exhausting as any physical labor... probably less though, with the lung problem complicating physical function.  It's just, say, a 20 to 25 percent impediment, but that adds up.

I'll get some of it.  Later.

A nap in there, somewhere.

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I can't say when, or even how long.  I think it was around three hours, though more likely shorter by feel.  Though it might have been as long as five hours.  It's the cold.  Not so much weather as body.  Putting calories in doesn't mean the body can use them, or will.  There is a reason not to eat sometimes.  Or at least be cautious how much to put in.  It just sits in there.

It was sprinkling.  Just barely.  I wasn't sure until I took a close look.  Sam wanted out anyway.  I know she is wanting sun and warmth.  I am fearing that.  It can't be cool all spring and summer though.  I have decided not to put a new furnace and ac in this year, though a new window ac might be in the works.  It's a matter of keeping cash on hand, not going below a certain amount.

I will do other things this fall though.  Perhaps electrical, maybe new refrigerators and possibly a dishwasher?  If I do electrical it may only be partial, but I'll clear branches while at it.  I have been rethinking tankless water heating.  That would require an electrical main upgrade.  They are expensive, but they last a lot longer.  They are probably cheaper to run, if the real advantage is... done right... never ending hot water.  If, in truth, I only want it to open a lot of space in the tiny bathroom.  If the main one quits, I may go tankless with that too.  That one can be hooked to gas.  I have thought about checking into propane as well, to be used for heating in rooms vents can't go as well.  So many possibilities, options, considerations.

I'd best get a shower in, then start on the carts.  I am guessing, as a crow works, showering to implementing carts shouldn't take more, or much more, than three hours. A couple of rest periods in there may double it.  It really is difficult to breath.  I'll get to a bath right now.  Later.

Harsh.

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Breathing is difficult.  It isn't fluid in there.  It feels like the muscles are weak, it is taking some serious effort to pull and push air in.  It's not the heart, lung tissue, or fluid.  I don't know what would have caused the problem.  It reminds me of when coaches pushed too hard, then during a week down, over a slow recovery.

I did the dishes.  Supper dishes are soaking, but that is just a pan, a bowl, and a small fork.  I woke around 19:00, no idea when I went to bed.  I must have crashed really suddenly, heavily.  Missed an appointment, I'll fix it.  Didn't remember, saw a message but it didn't make sense.  Yeah.  I will make dinner shortly.  Hungry, a good thing, more since I eat so little lately.

With dishes pretty much out of the way, getting to the carts, perhaps the rack, should be easy.  It is time to work with kefirs in the fridge, and all sourdoughs as well.  A bath and shower after dinner, then carts, then the rest as I am able.  I need to wash my hair but can't do that while bathing, thus a quick shower.  It seems slow.  Perhaps it is.  But I am getting somewhere.  Seriously, everyone should know I shouldn't be alive.  Tell me about being judgmental, while forgetting that, is not only worse, it is petty.  Some people are being dropped for it.

Later.

A steady pace.

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Not as fast as hoped if about as fast as should have been expected.  Everything soaking, plus everything set ready beside the sink done.  A load from elsewhere has been set, and most pots and the steamer are collected by the sink.  Supper just wasn't all that pleasing, so I hit up oatmeal, which is just finishing.  At least the bathroom is in excellent shape.

As to airing, the next time I am up I'll hit that?  Or soon.  It is improving.  Keeping up on cat litter, dealing with trash and dishes, takes care of most of it.  The residual still has to be removed, and anything beside air flow simply masks it.  Taking a bath first, though, seems prudent.  The improvement in air quality is significant, I just want more.

Almost surprised.

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Down around noon.  Wanted to stretch into the day, but mostly wanted to feed the girls.  Did not want to feed them early.  It was a push.  Then awake at 20:00, an eight hour cycle.  I thought I would sleep more, definitely surprised.  Hungry.  Rice as a side tonight.  Perhaps cabbage, the stuff is good if buttered and salted.  Although meat, especially beef and pork, really make it sing.  Awake and definitely hungry, if I am eating less, both per meal and the frequency of meals.

I'd like a shower, but would prefer to get a probable nap out of the way.  I hate cleaning up, then sleeping.  It undoes... something.  I could shower twice, or bath then shower.  It seems wasteful, I can't get cleaner, but it is a pleasant occasional luxury.  And soaking feet from time to time, along with a pumice treatment is good.

Dishes... getting close.  When I get tea, I'll reset those soaking.  So close.  The dishes, carts, bath, and more airing out tonight.  I think I can.  The place is a lot smoother than it was, if I am not getting very far either.  I have been so close, several times.  I'll keep trying.  Oh, and I will price a dumpster rental.  When I have sorted enough, I'll pull the trigger on that.  It's the right time of year, money should be okay, it's time.

As well as resetting, rice is going.  Dinner in a bit.  Mostly bulky items, so dishes should be a breeze, plus they have been washed at least once.  I'm sure I'll get to a few things tonight.  Later.

Not quite.

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No work, no post, no doctor.  Nothing troubling other than simple exhaustion.  I was trying to stretch so as to do everything, ending doing nothing.  Well, I did call to reschedule.  I really try to do at least that.  I will make it to the post office tomorrow, somehow.  Crashing, nothing else today, bedtime.

My feet are freezing.  Lotion for the feet will help this time.  Probably.  Funny, as soon as I cooled down, I pretty much became too chilled to function.  As well, I broke my glasses.  I have a spare, if it isn't optimal.  I may see about the VA for those, and dental.  Though I will ask for the numbers so as to order spares.  I'd like to have two pair of bifocals and two pair of standard.  In a tough situation, often in general, I don't need easy readers.

I have to go on to bed.  Good night and morning.

A good sleep.

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More than a nap, less than a full cycle.  A hybrid, if I would still be asleep if possible.  I have to take breaks from putting lotion on my feet and legs.  Otherwise they burn, which is what woke me.  I have tried with or without socks... the only advantage to socks is that they can be removed, which can buy extra rack (sleep) time.  Still one or two times, every other day?  I'll figure it out.  I... just can't always keep up, if the whys sometimes are of reason, other times just a form of reality.  What can't be won't be, reason be damned.

A bite after waking.  Pork and salsa.  I didn't have salsa with it for supper, too many other things going on.  Salsa didn't fit in either.  Nothing fancy but it should help.

Burning up still.  The feet and legs started it, waking me.  Now I've got a minor sweat as if I had been working.  It has been whole body since shortly after waking.  With the furnace down, this is odd.  It's not a fever, just...  I have eaten more than usual.  That could be it.

I hope to get to dishes before long.  If it is sunny, or warmer, I'll do more airing.  Today is less about work than business.  Dishes are simply needed for more goals, so have priority status.  A shower in a bit as well.  Just bumbling through this morning.  I need to cool off.  Later.

About as good as I can do.

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Without using or making sauces, loaded with sugar, salt, or other items I need to avoid, everything from raw, only a few pure ingredients.  I can make food so good tasting it is addictive.  But it isn't good for me, or anyone else.  A simple blood sugar test will clue you in.  Though eating too much can have similar effects, spiking the reading.  I have found that eating the right foods, once you get used to them, is a natural limit... higher animal fats is the real key.

Supper was quite good.  Cabbage, pork, potato, butter, raw milk, and sour cream.  I doubt if I consumed three quarters of a pound.  Though I haven't been eating, that is becoming a more usual dose.  I may even need a nap shortly, if that is probably because I am not eating often.  All good.

Of course, I had to finish some dishes.  While doing that, I hit everything else and set up a third small tub of dishes.  I am getting things done.  The odor is going, if not quite done.  A few more airings and it should be good.  I will keep at it.  So tired.  Not a bad thing.  I have things to do tomorrow.  A nap, even a long one, might really help.

Tomorrow.

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Today.

Down at 10:30, awake at 19:30.  Planning to work and eat.  The meat is thawed.  I'll start rice and cabbage.  When that is well on the way, on to boneless pork rib grilling.  I think the salsa is still fresh enough.  Nothing like nearly bacon crisped pork with salsa.  The grain and veggie just add variety.  I need to wash the steamer and a small pot first.  I'll reset the dishes first thing.

Obviously, the second run at sleep was successful.  Sleep was wonderful, if even the second try was difficult at first.  It was still so wonderful to see the sun.  I wouldn't have changed it.  I suspect it will do much for me.  Awake.  In different ways.  I react much differently to both sources of light.  Now in a very positive way, if... as a child of shadows, there is a special cost, and grace I suspect.

Dreams.  Of times I hurt women with words.  Sometimes with intent, sometimes without thought, more ruthlessly at times in that without care.  And, yet, I know this must be, at least to be the mate to a woman.  A balance, between hurt and pleasure, balm and wound... too far either way and you will lose her.

The song, You Don't Own Me, isn't a truth, it is hoped... to be true, and not, by her.  Maybe by both at times.  A duplicity of love.  Something, if she loved me, she worked to create in the hopes it would never be true.  It... had to be tested from time.  Tested on the field of verbal combat, vanquished... on another field.  Ownership defined, conquest refined, reconfirmed.  Ownership verified.  Yes, I... sometimes easily remember.  Love is such a messy thing.

Okay.  Tea.  Resetting dishes.  Two hours to wake, if I am mighty hungry.  Later.
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Goodie.  I did the kickstart.  Finishing what was in the drying rack and rinse, all to being put away, setting two tubs of dishes to a hot soak, then moving one of the tubs to the counter so as to get the steamer and smaller pot soaking... hungry, put bags in the now dry trash can cleaned earlier, peeled and sliced the last portion of a daikon radish *munch, munch, crunch*, then fed the girls.  Oh, befote I sit for my wake-up session, I want to put a potato in the oven and clean cat litter.

Not a bad start.

The sun.

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As I was going to bed, just doing some final things, my back hall lit up.  I couldn't believe how bright it was.  Golden sunshine poured in, blinding me.  I just had to look, then longer.  I do not know how long it has been?  I went on to bed but couldn't sleep.  I tried, rolling, stretching out, flipping this way and that.  I think it was seeing the sun.

I really need sleep.  Not truly awake.  Not sure what to do.  I did a cycle of dishes, but couldn't seem to focus on more.  It's not the odor.  I used the fan in the bedroom to keep it clear, and it worked.  Just getting that full blast of total sun light opened something, or started something.

I did lotion my feet.  A dab is all it takes.  Now I have a headache, I think for still being up.  Oh, medicine and aspirin might help.  I'll try again, as it is painful to be awake.

One more load of dishes, then down.

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I've done half a dozen small jobs.  Finished with the trash can, but the water was still good so used it to clean the toilet, closed the windows after letting air try to exchange with outside fresh air, cleaned the litter before bed, and a bunch of smaller tasks.  It's still a bit rough in here, but improving.  However, for today, I am done.  Save for that last load of dishes, and setting up two more loads to soak.

I'm loving finally being able to get back to things.  I should thaw meat, just not several packs, and something I can grill, in case dishes hit another snag.  It sure wasn't everything on my wish to-do list.  Honestly I am surprised what I did.  I was about to crash when I began revolting against sleep, if really just to get the trash and recycling tended.  Everything else was just confused extra.  I am pleased.  More tomorrow, I am almost certain.  The post, though... just... not today.

Good morning and night.  Yeah, I'll lotion the feet.  *sigh*

The trash was far more than it seemed.

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Two nearly full pans of cat litter weighed more than I remember.  I add, halfway through the month, while keeping those clean.  Each ends with a full bag, so I suppose.  Then there were pans of food.  I have been trying to eat.  It just hasn't been working well.  Not at all.  Then a bowl of fish, back in the fridge.  As well, all the kefir out of the fridghad to go.  Be happy there is no such thing as smell-o-net.  It's chilly, and yet the windows will be opened, damn the fuel.  An hour?  And more when possible, as needed.

Still, good.  That was a major task, essential, had to be done.  With the trash can being cleaned, and dishes tonight, plus with airing after dishes, life should improve.  Holy smokes.  I won't bother with recycling.  One small, half empty, bag... when I am not sure It's the day.  No.  Trash is out and out.  All the trash cans except the one being washed are bagged.  But man, dealing with those parts wore me out.

I do have the laundry fluffed.  I'll leave that in until the house has been aired a few times.  The dishes are ready.  I'll hit one round, set up a fresh load, then take an hour down.  I'd really like to finish dishes, air the cave while I rest, then crash.  Just praying to get that far.  As well, I hope to make it to the post today.  Even more if I can.

A bit of a break now.  Hmm, lemon in tea might cut the smell?  Later.
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Before sitting: The dishes were reset, two tubs worth.  I use little tubs in the kitchen sink sides.  Then I set the air to circulating.  I set up another pot of tea, had the last of last week's milk, grabbed a jug of tea, and will enjoy a deserved break.  I just... wanted to increase my chances of success.  If I go to the post, I'll definitely want a shower.  I hate coming out of hyperspace into such bad things.  I'll fix it as I can.

I realize I am alone in this, and much else.  I'll... be figuring things out soon.  Have to.  Alone.  Later.

A beginning.

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The place is rough.  I should be able to sort it, the kitchen, back in a few days.  If I can start and keep going.  I almost crashed.  But, no, I insisted on getting the trash out.  That... is more complicated than it seems.  Recycling is finished.  Dishes... some put up, some rinsed and drying, a load reset and others gathered for the next load.  Laundry fluffing on air, the towels folded and up.  The bed roughly made so folding should be easier.  All that in about an half hour, more struggling to deal with the trash and recycling.  I... get... lost in my efforts.

No complaints.  I am hoping to complete each of those, and a bit more.  As I empty trash and the recycling cans, I have been checking them.  Any which have ooze in them, only one so far, will get bleached.  The good ones are just being reset with new bags.  Hopefully this week I will hit the big trash bins.  The way I am doing things now should mean the bigger inside can and even larger outside bin should remain clean, being doubled with the small bags going into a larger bag.  Double bagging each size, as may be needed.  Well, that is the hope.

I don't know if I will do what is planned.  I have become even more unreliable than usual.  So dark, cool.  Still, it is something.  I will bull through to get the trash out, then that and recycling to the curb.  The trash can cleaning and dishes are next.  Hmm, cat litter!  Then, if I have it, I'll finish laundry.  If I have some even then, kitchen carts assembly and perhaps implementation.  Wish me luck?

Gotta catch my breath.  Don't know where that bolt of speedy work came from, but I need air, and a seat for a moment.  And that actually as I thought I was heading to bed.  Later.

Up to noon, I believe.

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I remember, because I wasn't going to feed the cats until noon.  I figured it was 9:00 or 10:00 when I was about to crash. On my way to the bathroom before bed, I looked at one of the kitchen clocks... 12:15(ish, if I think those run fifteen in the hot).  So I did feed them.  Up at 17:30.

Oh, I remember part of why I didn't like using lotion before, beyond all other reasons, actually two problems.  One, it makes them hot.  Actually just pushing them to room/body temp through massaging, increasing circulation... the skin and tissue isn't used to it, so it seems hot.  Perhaps in time the body thermometer for that area will adjust?  The other thing was it used to take a lot of lotion.  I am cheap.  I mean a lot of lotion, say a tablespoon or two per foot and leg.  The amount horrified the accountant in me.  Cha-$$$-Ching  Since I started, after this last pedicure, I started with the old usual, and have had to cut back.  I think I am at, perhaps, a quarter teaspoon per, which I still have to finish up on my arms.  So, other than the hot-foot thing, I am good.  I've hit it morning and night since the last appointment.

I plan on work today.  I'll reset the dishes, fluff laundry, then begin trash and recycling after this break-wake, as far as I can go.  Oh, and checks for utilities, in an envelope, to go soon.  I finally owe, like $6 this month, full next month.  Yeah, enough for a couple years, at 20% (ish) over current monthly.  It... is as good as I can do.  If I get into these things, I will consider else.  Later.

What a storm.

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Not much done.  I ordered a pizza.  As I ordered it, then went to pick it up, it stormed as well as any thunder storm Iowa could hope to deliver.  Only much closer.  Chain lightning going across the sky, lattice like, and down.  The intensity was a marvel.  I don't think, until it stopped, there was a moment the visible sky wasn't lit, and usually in multiple areas, often chaining even then.  Short but spectacular.  The pizza was doubly worth the trip.

I simply can't get off my duff and going.  Is it the dark, along with major weather changes with it?  I suspect so.  I'll keep... planning.  If I can't I can't.  Bedtime.  For having done so little I am sure tired.  The pizza was the first food in a bit.  Hmm, life is what it is.  Good morning, day, and night.

Just awake.

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In every way.  It was around 17:00, plus a bit, when I woke.  I have no clue when I went to bed.  I think I slept really long, if... I just don't know.  I did lotion my feet before sleeping.  She really pushed for it, at least at bedtime.  I'll aim for twice a day.  Eventually a deaf ear can hear?  It will still mean a lot of misses.  Even so, I'll put it on the permanent to-do list.  It was raining when I went down, and looks to have rained all night.  Not heavy, that I remember.  Perfect for sleep.

Sam was a serious jerk last night.  She found the highest perch, and was jumping on my ankle.  Oh, I woke, and went to the bathroom.  She knew I had... something else on my mind, so stayed well out of reach.  I know I fed them yesterday, and checked their food and water which were good.  If it is my fault... hmm, litter?  I'll check before being too harsh.  If it's my failure, I eat it.  If she is being a moody little shit, she becomes a temporary person non grata.  Both happen.

Oh, something smelled bad.  I had just brushed, I showered just a bit before bed yesterday, I was still terrified it was me.  I know I smell off, just the house and cats.  But this was really off.  Thank God for trash.  Which reminds me... better get that together and out.  I haven't been keeping up on it all.  Still, it's horrifying to think that is you.

Dishe stink too.  I reset those and will get back to them and laundry today.  And the carts and clothes hanger... some things just air dry much better, wool silk and some synths require it, if cotton lasts better, if fluff or low can work with the risk of slight shrinkage and fraying.  Or, I'll get to what I can.  Hungry, for the first time in a while.

Later.

To town.

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Beside an appointment, I planned to pick up medicine and a 1 or 2 x 6.  I made the appointment.  Then lost all track of things.  Even dropped my tea jar, breaking it.  I was right, work on the feet adds to relaxation.  I have been drinking from glass half gallon jars for many years.  This is the first one I have ever dropped.  I couldn't believe, like in a dream.  I worked up to 300 to 350 pound grip strength, if it's been a bit.  Apparently, at some level of relaxation, it doesn't matter.  As well, usually I would have been able to recapture it.  I was so stone relaxed I just couldn't... "do".  So weird.  Is that what it is to be human?  I didn't like it.

Then again, that is why it is helping.  I just won't take glass with me anymore.  So relaxed I forgot the plank and pharmacy as well.  Back to town tonight?  You know what?  Sure. Ugh.  If I am going I had better move.  At least the pharmacy is drive-through.  Later.
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Ha!  I didn't think I would make it to town.  So relaxed.  I did.  I got all wanted, needed.  I considered grocery shopping, it just wasn't possible.  Now I get what happens to Sam.  I figured, so have been careful with her.  She will turn into cat soup, begin pouring down my leg, only to wake and claw at anything, not knowing where she is or else, only that she is falling.  Not good for either of us.  I just pay close attention so she doesn't sleep where she could hurt me.  Now, I don't relax that deeply, but with a massage or pedicure on top of weather and other lows I do begin to feel more like jello than wood or stone.

I am looking forward to trying the new tools.  After finding the studs, I'll cut the 1x6's to length, get those across two studs, then mount the rack as possible.  It's odd, for the sizes, it just is.  I should be able to figure something out... tomorrow?  Maybe.  All the tools are cordless.  I'm curious just how much zip the saw has.  Most drills, from most brands, of this sort, have serious zip.  I guess I'l find out soon enough.

Later.  A nap, a sleep cycle?  Something soon.  I am almost done today.

Some of it.

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I was pretty sure I would get things, most things, done.  I did half, a third perhaps, then staying awake became a problem, one I didn't realize I had until... I woke.  Hmm?  I crashed so hard and fast I really didn't see it coming.  I was already gone before  I realized.  Not a bad thing.  I think a weather shift, more than else, tripped me up.  It wasn't just the pitter-patter of a gentle rain, or the special cool that arrives with spring rains, but probably more it was the atmospheric change.  Something about weather fronts moving in, sometimes out, that takes me down.

I got about a third done, as I wake and account matters more clearly.  I have the list and will continue as possible.  Although I did more work, in an unexpected area, which would be equivalent to another third of the intended work.  So it actually wasn't as much a wash as I thought, in reflection.

I best get going.  A shower, shave, then?  I'll see when I get there.  A cup of tea to start the process.  Later.

A few things done, then a major crash nap.

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No surprise.  Shorting sleep while sandwiching solid work often leads to hard downtimes.  That it was only a nap is a bit of a lucky break.  A good nap.  Should be ready to hit it again shortly.

A load of dishes through, maybe two.  Then to set another load of laundry washing while putting what is in the dryer to finish drying or fluff.  Perhaps beginning to fold, or taking a break before folding.  Then, as able, constructing the kitchen carts and putting them into use, a shower and shave, interspersed with breaks as needed, and then another sleep.  I'll hold off on the retractable hanging air dryer until I can get a 1 or 2 x 6, and heavier wood screws, if I can't find some, next time I am in town.  Should be soon.

I realized I may be having visitors in a month or three.  I hope to clean and clear as much as possible.  I want both rooms as clear as possible, and a place open for a floor bed for me to begin trying well before they arrive so I can see if that would work for me, or find another way before they arrive.  I do have a camping cot, if all else fails, fit to my size.  I won't have guests sack out in inferior ways, especially helpers.  If that works, eventually I may try a Japanese floor mattress.  I just want as much done as possible so even play and touring can occur this time, so that a return visit is more likely.

If I can get things in solid shape, then I will have someone come in weekly, if possible.  That will make visits more common, and more about sightseeing and relaxation.  Or minor work orders, like shed roofing, roof painting, or such.  Just a job or two.  Actually, if my cousin visits as well, I hope to replace roofing bolts, and paint, the front lower roof section.  I can then hope to do the back lower sections myself through the summer.  The upper sections?  Those will happen if I can figure a safe way up, and around while up there.

Actually, I may do that whether he shows or not.  If my mother knows how to kill wasps in sheds, I may finally put that portion of the henhouse roof on, the one planned years ago.  As well, sometime this summer, I may try my hand at shingling... the outhouse closest to the main house, which is shaded most of the day, thankfully.  It's solid, otherwise.  I'd like to keep it that way.

Or, maybe, I am just dreaming, again?  Nothing gets done without a dream to name it.  Later.

Six hours down, with a bit of business in there.

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A clean bed, many dishes done, laundry getting back in order, and just a bit more light today.  Still cloudy, perhaps not as densely?  Sleep was good if I hoped for more, if numbers don't mean what they mean to others.  My sleep and wake cycles are broken, have been for a bit.  As well, I am terribly off my feed bag.  Not as if that is going to take off any weight, it just slows me down on top of else.  Still, I'll get to what is possible, perhaps then some.

Today?  The rest of the dishes, clothes, a shower and shave, assembling the kitchen carts, then putting them to use, and maybe installing the accordion drying rack?  There may be too much on the list.  After yesterday, tossing in a nap, if I can eat better without overeating?  Maybe, or some solid portion of it.

Money isn't tight.  And I mean it not to become so.  Something I hoped to do for friends I had to forgo today.  I already gave a handful out, had much more on one of my bills than anticipated, have medicine, doctor, and medical lab, plus a large gift going out next month.  And I haven't been tending expenditures well.  Don't take it bad... I have spent so much time in the red this last two years that I won't even test it.  And, if I am not sure this year, I still want a new furnace and central air, new refrigerator and other appliances, and a new kitchen floor.  Not to mention putting the en suite back together and a new electrical main and sub panel, and at least some tree work with that.  Yeah.  Don't take it personal.

A bit to wake up, then back to it.  Later.

All of the required, at least half of the wanted.

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Done though.  I can't do more.  Had to push and shove to get this far.  One of the sinks is clear, all laundry is dry, or close.  I even freshened a bit.  Just couldn't shower.  It was the folding and hanging laundry, and making the bed, which got me.  Now for a bit of a nap.

Well done.  I did more than I thought I could if a good lot of it was required... not that even requirements are real guarantees.  So, satisfied.  Good night.

Well?

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The problem isn't energy, mostly.  I am using hot water at a terrible pace.  Two loads of laundry, three or four batches of pure hot water for washing and rinsing.  I am certain I will get another load of laundry and a shower in.  Ugh but that is a lot of hot water.  I'll get to dishes again shortly, after messing with dry laundry... and perhaps flipping one last load through... letting that finish before the next set of dishes... or... the other way?  Achk!  I'll figure it out as I go.

Oh, an idea to get away from so much tea?  Sure, there is milk, dairy and water kefir, plus tea.  But that usually sees me drinking gallons of tea.  The rest just can't be consumed in large volumes.  There are problems, like finding enough good fresh veggies at a reasonable price.  Even getting to town often enough is...  Still, even from time to time, this would do.  I have enough half gallon jars so I don't need to buy anything, aside from fruits and veggies.  Frozen fruit?  Not if it only says packaged in the US.  Trickery is annoying.

Then again...  I just threw myself at folding laundry.  *sigh*  Yes, I got about half of what is out.  But with three loads on the way, dishes, and a bath?  I'm about half way through dishes.  And I have beans to put up.  Which means making room in the reefer.  On top of else, I am quickly running out of steam.  I'll keep at it as long as I can.  All into the dryer at least, all sinks open and two jars ready, all clothes off the bed pad so the bed can be made.  It's just an extra clean layer, thankfully no incontinence issues to date.

Still a lot of work, and I need a break.  Later.

So dark.

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It is so very dark.  Day, even extra dark at night.  With sleep so off it is difficult to know which is which far beyond usual periods.  It could be worse.  My mother is expecting eight inches of snow, some parts of the coast are expecting double that, or more.  Told them.  Oh, and cold... while cool here, wet and perhaps cold, if this is cold they are getting frozen.

It is the darkness which is trampling me.  It is wonderful sleep.  The massages and pedicures are finally nearly completely on the good side.  Mostly.  Still, I am falling so far behind.  I may begin checking into help.  Perhaps a local ad.  A little help would more like triple, or quadruple, my output.  It just does, if I can get a good worker who does big chunks.

I'll try to get some work yet tonight.  I completed the bathroom today, and a few other things.  I need to do dishes, probably three double loads, plus bedding and laundry.  I'd better get to it or I'll end up crashing.

A couple of prep or efficiency items in.  The first is 24 pound packs of pool shock.  It allows the production of chlorine.  Between half a teaspoon and a heaping tablespoon will produce a gallon of potent chlorine, of which only drops are needed to clean a gallon of water.  Yeah, a really good thing to have on hand.  The other items are wall mounted, pull out, drying racks.  I can never tell if chinese numbers, measurements, are right.  Well, they were, this time.  Three feet wide, by two and an half feet deep, with ten bars at width?  It'll hold far more than I would have believed.  One would have been enough.  Still, at the price, a spare is fine.  However I want better mounting hardware... probably a 2 x 6 so as to double beam attachments.  It says it'll hold #60, with included hardware.  With what I have in mind, I'd bet #100 to #120.  It's how I do.  Lucifer and his can only corrupt.  Those in God's camp always seek to improve... even overbuild.  Amen.

Later.

All the phone calls.

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Oh, one more bill, utilities.  I'll get a stash of checks ready to go, put them in an envelope, to be deposited the next time I am out.  Which will be soon.  Oh, and a check for milk, ready for next delivery day.  That will be it for hard bills.  The rest is groceries.  I pull cash out for body care ahead of time, first of the month, so it doesn't sneak up on me.  Oh, well, medicine and doctor costs.  With the Zero appointee out of the V.A., perhaps in six months to a year I may see about going back in.  At least for some of my meds.

I'll keep my local doc for several reasons, including potassium.  The V.A. can't be trusted to not try to blackmail me onto medication, using my driver license as hostage.  I think I understand why the V.A. potassium isn't the best.  That is only offered on a monthly basis.  Too fragile, too prone to absorbing moisture.  I'll have to figure this out with my local doc.  I want the gooder stuff.  The other stuff doesn't get used, from my local doc, which I can get in three month issue, trust me.  The powder upsets my stomach and tastes worse than the titanium pill's vanilla.  I do understand.  Not sure why people can't just say what the problem is.

As to the shave and shower, coming up.  It actually takes a bit out of me to do phone business.  Especially when it is obvious some of them don't want to work with people on the phone.  As well, the billing is off.  We live in a digital and insane world.  Contacting a real human, who speaks English, who has the brains, will, and power to fix what should be obvious problems, is nearly impossible.  Tomorrow, beside else, I will be trying to get one of those problems solved.  Anyway, I need a break before showering.  Hmm, could remove the bedding before I rest.  Guarantees some work.

Later.

Up and hoping to get at it.

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No real idea when I woke.  An hour, two, less, ago?  I realized I haven't been drinking much, on top of not eating.  Not sure it matters given how much I have been sleeping.  Still, going from several gallons a day to a few quarts, if still emptying out as if I was still drinking a great amount.  Must have had excess, if it wasn't showing with swelling anywhere, or wet lungs.  Strange.

Today?  A few phone calls, a couple of bills, a shower and shave, dishes, bedding, and laundry?  Maybe.  It is the goal.  Hmm, and putting beans on for chili.  I'm going to push for it.  I'll down the tea, then see about a shower and shave.

Still dark.  I've turned the heat up a bit, though may cut it back.  Wish me luck, send a quick prayer, or such, if you will.  Later.

Awake again.

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It's been a bit.  Awake doesn't mean all that much either.  Eventually dinner, if a very humble one.  Steamed cabbage, salt, and butter.  Should have added pepper, now that I have a good grinder which provides very fine particles.  I grew away from pepper, as my old grinder no longer worked, and all the pepper tins seem stale.  One thing at a time, then a hope and pray it works event.  This took four events.  Several variations on preground and then a new grinder.  Still working on finding better pepper, if roasting small batches might improve most pepper.  Then of course, white pepper.

Anyway, I'll keep at things.  If I can do little, I'll try for more.  If I can do nothing, I'll try to be awake longer.  Etceteras.  I have a few intentions tomorrow.  Setting up an appointment, ordering medication, and work.  The problem is mostly the weather.  Dark, cold, wet.  While actually among my favorite weather, I'm just not spry enough to consume it.

Up just a bit longer.  Put up the remaining cabbage, it's rather sweet, oddly.  Then to check on a few dailies, finally to bed.  No pain, simply tired beyond effort.  Later.  Or good night, actually.

Feeling quite good.

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I have no idea how many sleep cycles I have gone through, if at least three.  As well, I have no idea how long I slept or how long I was awake, per or total.  I am positive I was asleep a whole lot longer than I was awake.  No problem, this was expected.  Actually, I usually go through pain for this first heavy sleeping cycle.

As implied, there is no pain.  I roll often enough in my sleep, cats be damned!  Well, that doesn't mean they get rolled on, only that I will happily move them in order to roll.  Ever, as a parent or sibling, slept with a small one?  Initially you are extremely cautious, to prevent harm and to prevent waking?  Cats can be similar.  Well, you eventually learn what you can do without creating fuss.

No pain, in part from rolling, in part from getting used to massages.  I'm in the "floating on a cloud" stage.  I really think this is the end stages of repair.  The body has flushed what was released during the massage, but is still producing natural painkillers.  With most pain gone, the deadening goes to another form of relaxation.  Just a suspicion, if why I don't take anacin even should I hit pain at this point.

Can't say I am awake for long.  It's a chilly dark day on top of all.  I did grill some chops, baked a potato, and steamed carrots for a bit of a feast yesterday.  I ended so stuffed, just two smaller chops mind you, I had to wait a bit before sleeping again.  I think I'll try for the leftovers, with another potato, minus carrots... all out.  That should put me down.

I did get a bath, then a shower and shave in.  No where to go, but a good day to do right.  I suppose there were places to go, I just couldn't have made it.  I was doing good to be partly awake some of the time.  I think water helped.  May try it again today, if just a shower, possibly a finish to shaving, just one pass yesterday.  After dinner, unless... might make it before?  No.  Just thoughts on a wonderfully rainy spring day.  Wouldn't want to be east of here.  It's ugly here, to the east will be snow if I had to bet your teeth.

Is it over?  How willful are His people?  Had to laugh the other day.  Someone suggested that fearing the Satan was right.  Because Satan is patient.  No he is not.  If you want to understand patience, study God.  If there is a fear due for this attribute, it is not for Satan.  It, probably, ain't over.

Hmm?  If there is no hell there is no need for the church.  None.  If all people have access to heaven without Christ, then He wouldn't have sacrificed Himself.  We know that was not His wish.  It was the Father's will.  For most nephilim, children of Cain, and mixes... at least the ones who can't hear and abide?  For, essentially, those who can neither be innocent nor guilty?  Maybe.  For most, no amount of disbelief can spare.  Christ said he came for most, not all.  For many of those the liar grew up with, and associates, cooperates with?  Maybe.  Not for him.  Street cred doesn't work for those with souls.  Yes, some go to church every chance they get, but take nothing from it into the world.  Some simply can't.  The ones who won't are in the greatest peril.

Later.

Several sleep sessions.

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I woke several times.  After brief considerations, it was understood that more sleep was need, wanted, and available.  I slept well.  I may return to sleep, again, shortly, if I cannot get to work.  There is no reason to drain the batteries if the engine can't be put into gear.  I am hoping to start with a bath.  Then absolutely open into the kitchen.  Aye, Sunday, and Easter Sunday.  Grains (or dishes) so as to eat yet, raising the dead (including Himself), I yet follow after my Lord.  Don't think I bluff or jest.

Several dreams.  All good.  Only one can be recalled.  A young woman, razzing.  I gave it back, and better.  Of course that was going to end up with a woman in my arms.  I dumped the program just shy of that, without burning the bridge, to give me time to think about it.  Yeah, I already knew.  I guess I just wanted a bit more freedom.  If I was looking forward to feasting after such a long famine.

Ah, I tried one of the kefir waters bottled a bit back, refrigerated yesterday.  Excellent.  At least as fizzy as fountain soda, tasty, but without sugar or caffeine.  A good actually healthy option.  I think the trick is adding more dried fruit... cherries in this batch.  Cranraisins, raisins, pineapple, mango, just about any dry, frozen, or fresh fruit should work.  It is still experimental.  At least I now know, from first hand personal experience, that it is possible.

May you have a Blessed Easter.  Later.

No lift off and sinking fast.

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I did put suet seed out in a cage.  As well a setting seed for birds in the drive.  Just treats from time to time.  Redoing a nest house, perhaps building others, setting up a few feeders, and maybe setting hummingbird feeders out.  Just... something to do.  I used to have mourning doves.  They seem to have moved on.  I am hoping to welcome them back, among others.

I simply never got going.  A bit of blogging, a movie.  Tired.  Too tired.  I have sought a means around the trafficjam.  Nothing has worked.  I am thinking about a nap.  Timing is of, though waking was too.  Just a few hours down, more if needed.  May not be a choice.  Sleep until I can take a shower, then go from there.  Later.