I did get chores done.

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Feeling a bit better?  A bit.  Still in pretty heavy pain, but I wanted to do the ducks.  And, being that I was out, might as well get the rabbits.  I had also just fed the girls.  So... all good.  The rabbits needed nothing, really.  I changed one waterer which was low, added a bit of food here or there.  The ducks?  Those birds are always hungry.  Growing out takes feed, and lots of it.  Fair enough.

It is 37 out, so far, tonight.  Pretty cool, not freezing though.  I need a bit of food now.  Was thinking of warming up some beef, but believe a couple of cheese sandwiches are more the thing.  I don't want to go through the fuss of heating food.  Warm, or hot, would be better.  But... I just am not able.  And the sandwiches will do fine.  Hmm, maybe with fatted coffee, so I get something warm.

I just fed the girls for the last time tonight.  I had hoped to get dishes started.  I decided against it, so as to attempt to get a shower first thing.  Somedays that really helps me get going, especially on cool or cold days.  It also boosts my confidence, to get out and be around regular people.  I always fear I smell... bad breath, b.o., who knows.  I live in a messy house, I fear that transfers.  I feed ducks, I always worry there are smells with that which might carry with me.  I... just don't know.

I am hoping to start dishes tomorrow, hopefully to completion and maybe any last bits; finish some laundry, whatever is left; hit boxes, tearing those down and stacking them, or loading them up even to be taken in soon; calling about duck processing; and finding out about taxes... doing as much on the phone, or online, as possible.  Things to do.  I'll do what I can and try to keep up on else.  More grain at the first of the month.  It is taking about $60 a month, to feed animals, if I think mice are eating way too much of that.  I need to get more traps set up.  In the house and out there.  Bucket traps do well, if I can keep up on them.

Anyway... after a bite to eat, and just a bit of gaming to help bring me down, I'll be off to bed.  Good night.

Beautiful.

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Finally, out, again.  This time to the store.  I have needed to be out for a long time.  Ran out of a lot of things.  Couldn't go.  Either exhaustion or pain, or both, kept me down.  I would shower, get cleaned up, but just couldn't do it... at the best of times.  At the worst of times, I would just sit.  Getting chores done, but nothing else.

The healthfood store is open, again.  Or, well, masks aren't required.  I really do like their spices.  American.  Not any more expensive than the Chinese at conventional stores, and usually less expensive.  I would daresay, these are probably fresher as well.  I also wanted to try kombucha?  Something like that.  Got everything I needed.  Powdered onion, ground cumin and corriander, and a few other things.  I really like their products, their prices only double my appreciation.

I was speaking with the woman at the checkout counter.  Said how glad I was that they stopped requiring the useless mask.  Ol' sourpuss said nothing, but she sure wasn't happy we are no longer required to wear the statist masks.  Stupid people, it says right on them that they don't stop viruses!  Ugh.  To stupid to read and comprehend, far too many.  Anyway...

Then I got to the other grocery store.  Cheese slice blocks, more deli cuts, a veggie pack, and... more kombucha!  I didn't realize they carried that.  And at the same price?  They didn't have the plain though.  Still, I got a berry ginger, and had a sip when I got home.  Not bad.  Not fantastic, but I think it could grow on me.  I'd like to see about growing my own.  Takes a month or three, though, I think.  Not sure... about that.  Worth a shot.

Oh, yes.  It hurt, all the way out, through the shopping, and back.  I... may be done for a bit.  But was probably done for a bit anyway.  Still, feed for the critters, feed for me, most other things are set up.  I found another number to try, for processing the ducks... a maybe.  And I took care of life for a little bit.

I thanked God, profusely.  I grant my actions to His favor, not my will.  I have prayed for His help, received it.  Still hurts, terribly.  Moving the grain in, sorting and storing it, even packing groceries (as few as there were) in, and putting them up, was using the last of me.  But it got done.

I may get to bed early tonight.  The goal is to shower, again, right when I get up in the morning.  Do chores, of course.  Then start in on the kitchen.  Even if I can only do one counter, and one dishpan of dishes?  That... will be something.  Whatever I can get done will be a start.  As well, to try to get up early.  Earlier at least, though... who knows.  I'll do what I can.

I still want to do chores again, yet tonight.  It might not be possible.  But, that... if I can't, I can't.  They were fed.  And none of them were so out they were even hungry, earlier.  The second set of chores is more for my peace of mind, checking in on the animals, than out of a true need.  Though, with the birds, feeding them really might help them pack it in and on, get them ready for butchering sooner than not.  So... I may do the birds.  

Just thought of a funny.  Imagine if our parents were actually just feeding us in order to have us not for, but as, dinner?  :p  Oh, sometimes I wondered.  All I'm saying.  If your parents don't mind you getting chunky... watch out at about graduation time.  :)

Ugh.  I'll... try to game for a while.  It will literally be work.  But, it... will keep me awake for a little while.  Good evening, day, and maybe night.  Go with God (for few else would have us?)!  :p

Absolutely brutal.

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I have been trying to get out of bed since a bit after seven.  Didn't wake until a bit after 15:00.  Had to get feed.  Bunnies didn't get fed last night.  One rare miss is okay, but beyond that, no.  So, I have been pushing, since then, to get up.  I kept hitting a wall of pain.  My arms feel battered, my internals are messed up... feel like they are bruised... hurt.

It hurt, so much, in so many places, that... I didn't think I'd make it.  Once I got out of bed I laser focused on getting a shower, getting dressed, and getting on the road.  It took twenty minutes.  I ignored the pain.  I... just... got going.  I didn't think of painkillers, that would have brought my mind around to the pain.  I was playing hide and seek with the pain.  Hiding well.

I got to the feed store, in, paid, then to pickup.  That's a lot of feed, a lot of weight.  Help getting it in, getting it out was on me.  I will have to get more at the first of the month, but this will last a month, as things stand.  When I pair down the herd, I may get down to this lasting a few months, even three as I have it set.

I had been buying two types of egg feed and one type of higher protein grower feed.  Now I have two of each, pellets and loose grain.  They all cost about the same.  For rabbits, there is only one type of feed, so that is that.  Heck of a lot of weight to move with an screamingly aching body, but... done.  Then I fed the animals, right away.  Or it wouldn't have gotten done.  Now that it is set up, a second round of chores, later this evening, is easy.  Ugh.

So, now as I sit and cool, acetaminophen, a bottle of cold water, and blogging.  Yes, I do hurt.  One shoulder feels like it was hit with a baseball bat, the other bicep and tricep feels pulled, my torso feels like it was worked over by a pro or semipro, and my legs still hurt if not quite so bad.  Less like jello, more like... springs, but rusty springs.  Still some creaks in them.

Still, I... got to things.  I am pleased with what was done.  It hurt, it still hurts, it began to hurt even worse.  But... the painkillers might be able to help.  It is only 58 out there, but feels so warm?  Very strange.  Very odd for certain.  Oh, great, a heachache... from the exhertion?  Probably.

Still, I... took care of the animals, did my duty, that's all I can ask.  Later.  

Some... other thoughts.

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It would be interesting to think that they know.  That they know and don't like it.  Is it possible, that tools and devices are picking up on what seers, mystics, and else are understanding, have understood for a long time.  They use different terms, but the time, or a time, approaches.  It would be interesting if they could see through tech what some see through... other means.

Not much, and it is cooling.

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Well, it isn't cooling in the house.  My body is chilling, cooling off.  I did make dinner, and supper.  The former consisted of a cornish game hen.  Hen?  I don't know.  A small chicken, really.  The latter, roast beef.  Both were well done, done correctly, and tasty as anything.

I would have thought th food would have warmed me.  Each came out of the oven, if were given some time to settle before serving.  Even with the oven on.  Though it might be cooling, perhaps freezing, outside.  That will get to a body.  Even when it reads 70, the 'corners' of the room get chill.  I am sensing that.

A quick check.  No, not... all that cold out there.  It is 42.  But it has been about that for the last week?  There, close to it, perhaps colder a few nights?  Odd.  I am dressed more warmly.  I guess I'll have to get a fleece jacket ready, and at hand, maybe a sweater, depending on how much I need.  I have been looking over long sleeved t-shirts, and else.

I have taken care of the girls, fed the ducks and kept all animals in water.  Had a few reasonable meals.  But my legs have been pained most of the day.  The cramps have lifted, mostly.  But the aching from the cramping remains.  I haven't gotten a shower, yet.  Did trim my whiskers.  May try for a shower tonigh, and a shave?  At least a shower, I hope.

I keep trying to get up, and out, going, and getting things done.  But I am stuck.  I have been stuck in the house since... the last time I could get out solo.  I'll... keep trying.  I have things to do, people to call, bills to pay?  I don't know.  Try as I may, things are what they are for the moment.

I did call my mother.  I did call to check on old business, and new.  I found a number for a new old contact, where future business, or business associations, may be formed.  I'm... trying.  I'll keep at it.  The pain has gone, from the other few days.  But numbness, other than the legs, seems to have returned.  Odd how that goes.  I really wonder if my tea had been being poisoned.  Something odd was in in, after I left a few jugs be in the fridge for a long time.  One was clear, the other was... odd.  They had been made at nearly the same time, with fresh tea as I remember it.  Though who knows.

On to a shower, and then maybe bed.  Good night, I think.  Or... after a few rounds on the internet.  Sleep well, God bless, and live or die well.

Another odd night.

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Down at around eight?  Up at 14:00, give or take.  Not much sleep.  But the nights are cool, I am sleeping well.  Even with the legs being rough, still rough this morning, I am otherwise doing well.  A few days of pain just came and went, without a reason I guess.

I put laundry into the dryer.  Didn't get to that last night.  The legs were really bad.  Still would like to have slept a bit more, but when the body wakes, sometimes there is little the mind, or will, or whatever it is... within the animal we inhabit... can do.  Sometimes, for me more often than not, for good or ill, I am just the passenger.  I think that is more true of most, it is just most never have to time to understand this.

I have been able to assert my will in a few areas.  Celibacy.  An attempt at controlling food.  I can't seem to expand into exercise, beyond swimming when that was feasible, affordable.  But that is due to actual limits.  And, I'm not sure exercise was good for me.  It ate up too much of my life, providing very little, if anything, back.  If you are a man or woman of leisure, I... suppose.  Or if your body can absorb the calorie output, on top of the rest of life, sure, maybe.  But if it becomes the sum of your life, it really doesn't work.  Which, really, it had.  Part of reason I didn't get back to it.  Not the whole reason, but part of it.

Hopefully, today, I can sort out a few things.  Mainly dishes, counters, and laundry.  I keep keeping up, on what I have done.  And getting ahead by short bits, if maintenance is limited in the new areas.  I need a breakout play.  Say, a breakdown of the kitchen, and a breakdown and removal of boxes.  Those two things would be a major game changer.  I really am nearly through the boxes.  Just this last major hump.  What remains is, probably, about a quarter of all the boxes I have broken down through the summer.  But... that is a lot.  Only that many because of things which came in since.

Just... to get one or even two more rooms in the clear and clean.  That would open things, incentivise.  But... I have to do this on my own, mostly.  Ugh.

It got cool out.  It isn't even 50 out there.  I had heard reports that it was going to cool, and probably freeze, tonight and tomorrow.  Then come back into the 60's and 70's for highs.  To be honest, it really looks like the weather is controlled.  They are having to do things to break patterns, and step them down, or winter won't happen.  Still might not.  Not sure their control is all that good.  Or, perhaps, there are competeing actors, intent on different outcomes.  Or, even, just regional actors with no thought or care save for their own nations/regions?  Everything is a story.  The only question is whether the story is true.  I... would guess only a few know if what I say is true, though many would suspect but know better than to discuss it... and keep their career, possibly life.

I need more feed.  Bleh.  Always more.  Not sure how I went through so much.  Not just bird, which I understand, but rabbit too.  Though I think it has been nearly two months?  Time flies.  So, yeah.  Just a few, to get me through the month.  Six bird, two rabbit?  Should... do, for a short bit.  Argh!  All I can do, right now is to water the animals, feed the birds, then go get feed.  Totally out of rabbit feed.  But can get that in ten minutes... well... more like half an hour to hour, up, back, unloaded, and to feeding.

Best get to it.  They aren't happy people most of the time, less so when one arrives a bit later in the afternoon.  I just need a shower, shave, and to brush the teeth first.  Later.

Such strange things they say.

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Mercy will be here, then it won't be here... for a while.  Even the one who most should believe provides mercy will take it away.  In my dreams, I am one of the ways He will remove mercy.  Giving those who choose exactly what they have chosen.  It doesn't seem the time.  But, none may know, not even He... then or now I tell you.  For that is man's choice.

I had dreamed, too, of the days of darkness.  It seemed longer, out in it.  I didn't realize it was... a thing... or that others had... seen, sensed, it.  Only, that they will walk, and may be seen, if it would be the last thing a man, child of Adam and Eve alone, would see.

Stories?  Everything is a story.  The question to ask is... is a particular story true?  Of course, many of you already know.  I would guess most of you do.  You definitely know better.  Though, in Christ's first time here, you would also have known better.  Possibly even if you saw His miracles and teachings with your own eyes and ears.  How many of you think, or would have thought, that the prostitute should have been stoned?  Or that the tax collector should have been left, as a he was a sinner?  Or that the money changers at the "church" should have been left to their ways?  How many of you are those things, worse?  I know my part.  You?  I know what I deserve.  Stories, of course.  Again, all things suggested are stories.  It is merely whether they are true or not.  Amen.

The old girl is doing her best.

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She is in as bad of shape as I am, only not quite as... young.  I have a bit more resilience, at the moment.  Though, if she gets a second, or tenth, wind at life, she may end up in better shape.  Sleeping a bit much, still needing help with food and medicine... if getting it... I do worry.  I tell her so, directly, but... not pushing toward anything, just... letting her know.

I have finally, I think, restored my place in the family.  Not a tight place.  I will always be the black sheep.  But... a place, a little role.  As the youngest, again.  I'll call my brother sometime this week, just to check in and check up, compare notes and thoughts on mother as well.

I suspect winter will be difficult for her.  It often is for me, probably for everyone who is old, ill, or parts of both.  If she can whether it, come back through it... she has a chance.  If not... other choices will have to be made.  What we need and want do not always converge.

I still can't get to much, today.  The legs are in terrible shape.  I do have something that might help.  And will shower shortly, before setting up more dishes.  I wasn't able to make it to the feed store today, tomorrow.  Have to.  But I did feed the ducks, and got water for the rabbits.  They still have food, but may run out tonight, or through the night.  No major worry, but... tomorrow.

I did start, finally, calling around about getting the ducks processed.  The first bid was $20 a bird.  Too steep for my blood.  Half that, maybe.  It would save the cost of equipment, which... isn't cheap either.  Though, to be honest, I'd like to pay for processing this year, for at least some of them.  As well, get some of the gear to process them, including a pot, and some other parts and pieces.  Some, I suppose, I will just breast.  But that is a waste of good skin.  Just, possibly, no saving that.  Too much work, too expensive.  Will see.  Still have a few places to call tomorrow.  Ugh.

Later.

Dang it!

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I kept waiting to get going, hoping for a bit of improvement.  Problem is, improvement did not arrive.  My legs worsened.  Can barely stand, walk around.  Fine.  I'll sleep, see if that helps.  Hmm, well, and check the laundry.  I will at least put the load that was washing into the dryer.

I did have a bite to eat.  Not trusting the brats, of late.  The last batch tasted a bit tacky.  I thought it was because I had left it thawed a bit long.  But this time, they were freshly thawed.  And, they too taste a bit off.  Old.  Is it the store?  The plant?  Are the plants closed down, or are these from Mexico, China?  Don't... be surprised about anything, anymore.  And with "Biden" in charge, who the hell knows what he and the bureaucrats are doing, save that it isn't good.

I won't be buying those anymore.  Not sure what can be trusted, at this point.  Oh, no, I think Trump would have ended up doing similar, possibly was.  Though I think he was more pro-American.  He wanted to do the right things.  Not sure he had anyone on his side, in the government.  Certainly not in the bureaucracy.  And he was a sucker for a compliment from his secret enemies with a smile and gladhand.

Some things seem good, some things not so much.  I will definitely begin discerning what can be trusted.  Bratwursts, and probably any ground pork, not so much.  Though beef, for it's price, is getting pretty rough too.  I suppose they can't make enough burger, with the dating out meat, so just freeze, and maybe refreeze, old and questionable meat?  Something is really wrong with the food supplies, suppliers, and else along the line.  Don't tell me our beef is processed in China, too?  Seriously, it wouldn't at all surprise me.  If you had ever shopped in the former USSR, even at their government only shops for bureaucrats... that reminds me more and more of what is being put out.  Seriously.

Anyway.  I'll get on to bed, since I can't do much, staying up longer won't, can't, help, and I am shot anyway, at this point.  All good.  I did the best I could do, stayed with it to try and sort it out.  There is tomorrow.  And, acetaminophen as I go to bed.  My legs are killing me.  From last night.  They were tight, earlier, and through most of the day, but have hardened into cramping concrete.  Good night.

Finally cool enough.

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I don't know how much I can get done.  The goal is to take a shower, maybe shave, put dishes in... clearing counters as I go, check on the laundry, and generally... just... get things started again.  I'll have to take breaks, probably need a bite to eat, or two.  And will need to feed the girls, so as to be left to some peace in my efforts.

Dreams and notions were disturbed a bit tonight.  I don't think things draw nigh, not... end things.  Dark things?  Yes.  But whether this is just another fall of an empire, or even a changing of the guard for the dark side?  How long have people lived in misery, to dark governments?  Or fallen governments?  How long were people oppressed in even Britain, and rather recently, let alone Rome, and... pretty much everywhere else through most of history?  Governments were created for safety, almsot always becoming the worst threat to it's citizens.

The end?  Dark times aren't coming, they are here.  And, as when Jesus walked here, most people hail the darkness.  So be it.  But, again, the end?  I don't think so.  Just endure.  Just do what is right.  If you must pay the price, do so.  If you can escape paying the price, rightly, do so.  But do not worry.

Oh, I... best get to things.  Hungry, now, though.  Hmm... I have a few brats left, perhaps with sauerkraut.  Hungry.  Definitely hungry.  And cool.  Best close that front door.  Good night, and... day, still, really.

That may be it for the year.

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It is supposed to freeze the next two nights.  Though, perhaps, a short run Thursday, to use up the materials and for a final kick, if weather holds.  But he may be taking another.  Now that he gets home early, others are more interested in going along.  All good.

A second set of chores for the day, girls fed, and laundry set, reset in one case.  Bleh.  I had paused the washing machine, while searching for my phone, fearing it was in a pair of shorts in there.  Thankfully, not, but... I then forgot to reset the washing cycle.  All good.

I am hoping to get a shower, maybe.  Then start a load or three, small loads, of dishes.  And begin ont he counters.  Not a lot of work, just... just a start.  Maybe a bit more.  When I can, I do.  I... actually love to work.  I love the process, the effort, and the end results.  Work is it's own joy, if it doesn't always seem like it.  If you work, and have to, but hate it?  I'll be honest, be glad you can.  When you can't, the world, your friends, your family, even you, want yourself dead.  But... sometimes that doesn't come.  If you just get ill, and die?  Be glad of that, too.

I am enjoying getting a few things done these last few days.  I have been thanking God, even for the pains it causes.  My legs are pretty rough, but at least I know they were used, and useful, to the ends needed.  I... really... don't mind the pain.  Less so, more so?  If there is some real positive result from what caused the pain.  Though, as mentioned, my suffering goes to those in purgatory.  I don't pour it out, create, for them, I merely... offer it for them when I have it.  I've been there.  Pray for them, truly.  Any who may be saved, even one, offered the chance and accepting even for the price, is worth more than all the gold, jewels, land, and else on this whole planet.  Believe as you wish, I tell you not one lie.

I just need to cool off.  For some reason, I got a bit overheated.  Ah... a dressed for a cooler morning, and it got warmer.  Going out tonight, I thought it would drop off more than it did.  Overdressed, at least for tonight.  I'll... redress the situation, then get to work... at least once I have cooled off and rested just a bit.  Later?

A few things.

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Chicken and brats are cooking, a fresh load of laundry has been set... which I had to fish down from upstairs.  The girls have had their second meal.  Waterers, the few there are, have been set up to be reset.  A few things, here and there, going on.  Nothing heavy, nothing fancy, nothing fast.  Just, as I go to the bathroom, or get something to drink, or remember... I do.  It is as it would be, if I could do it all the time.

It truly makes me wonder how I can sit there, for hours, days, and not even notice.  The truth is, that last, is most of my life.  Like it?  Of course not.  There isn't a choice to be made.  If... you end up with a bad heart, we will discuss this.  You will understand being buried in your own flesh.  Most of you, however, will be able to simply die from it.  Or, have family or doctors who will help you get over the line.  Yea, I think that is part of what doctors do.  It's, just, it doesn't always work.  Then again, perhaps I was just an experiment.  They wanted to see how long someone could live in that condition.  Honestly, quite a few doctors would go along with it.  They all did for decades, and they had to know my heart was bad.  After I heard my heart in bad shape, then on medicine and more moderated... they knew... the whole time.  An experiment, or just waiting for me to die, I'm not sure which is worse.  Then again, everyone they treat?  Is an experiment.

Oh, flyswatters.  Wow.  I bought two packages... one a normal set, one a heavy duty set.  I didn't think the heavy duty would last long, as hard as they can be swung.  But they have.  The regular ones, half are destroyed.  I had some all plastic ones, which lasted for... five years?  A bit raggedy, but they still work.  A bit unimpressed with the regular new ones.  But the heavy duty are a pleasure.  I just can't use them on every surface.

Anyway, I will almost miss fly season, when it is gone.  I bend the wire, and it is thicker.  I have used them many, many times.  And, yet, they keep holding up, so far.  If you want to go to town on flying, probably even crawling, or otherwise unwanted intruders?  Smaller of size?  This is your ticket.  And they only cost a dollar or two more than a normal set.  Just... don't use it on anything glass.  Trust me.  Mike work for a while, or time, but...  Just... don't.

Looking for my phone, to see when the trip will be tonight, and whether I am wanted.  Always something.  Must be upstairs in a pocket?  Bleh.  I'd best check the chicken and brats, and look for the phone again.  Later.

Down late, up relatively early.

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It was between five and six when I went down.  Tried to remember.  Quarter to six?  Something.  Went down hard.  Would have been in bed at two, but wanted to get a few things done.  Which... I got a decent chunk of those done.  Sleep is odd, lately, there isn't a pattern, day, night.  Yesterday I stayed awake until around eight thirty, and woke about the same time I woke today, maybe a bit earlier.  I woke around 14:00 today.  I think an half hour earlier yesterday?  May have wrote it, not sure where if so.

The only pain today is in my legs.  I did use the kneepads to do the dishes.  While, at first, it seemed easier, it created stress which shows itself this morning in the form of cramps in the thigh, inner and outer, butt, and groin region.  Still, I think it is better than the back stress from trying to do those in a chair.

I got to it this morning.  Chores, cat litter, and will feed the girls when they decide they are hungry.  Brought in and changed their water.  Turned the laundry over into the dryer, and got that going.  I haven't added another load, don't think I have enough down there.  Hmm, may have a basket upstairs, ready to go.  I even got the trash barrel back, and put into it's spot.

But, I had to take a break.  I rushed myself into exhaustion, or at least a weary tiredness.  I am sure I will get a second, and etc., wind.  The next thing I'd like to sort, beside more clothes to be washed, is dishes put in and a start on the counters.  Which will go hand in hand, as some of what is on the counter is dishes.

It is nearly 80 out there, or is...  So it is rather warm in this front room.  I left the windows open, and fans going, but it remained 69 upstairs all night, or every time I checked... all night, all day, whatever.  It was a comfortable sleep.  Waking a few times.  With the windows open, vehicles sound louder.  Until my mind gets used to that, traffic, singular or as a herd, will tend to wake me.  Probably does even on slower and night traffic.  Something about that one vehicle, on an otherwise quiet night, which just gets you.

Anyway... a start.  I had hoped to be able to get to town, but not today.  Dishes, more laundry, a shower, maybe a shave...  Oh, and meat should be thawed, so something in that area.  Probably chicken, grilled.  I went with thighs this time.  And, maybe, later tonight, if it cools and I am awake, I will start a roast.  I have a chuck thawed, or thawing.  Just enough chicken to eat.  Well, and share with the girls.  The way Sam gnaws on the bones after finishing else, you'd think she was a dog!  Sassy doesn't even seem to like chicken.  

Actually, when it comes to chicken?  Sam reminds me of Gollum.  How odd that mix of names.  The one chicken, to rule them all!  Oh, she is... nuts about my cooked chicken.  And, I swear, as I have improved my recipe and technique?  She is... downright dangerous about it.  She has found a way to make sure, when looking at me, while i eat the chicken, that her eyes have that shimmer cat's eyes get at certain angles.  She does spook me, a bit.

Anyway... up and at things.  Will see what is possible.  Good day.

More.

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To do it, I had to stay awake longer than wanted.  I wanted to sleep hours ago.  I just... wanted to try to... push through.  Even so, I didn't get all of it.  I did get some of it.  A shower, trash out, and recycling.  Trash to the curb.  Only one bag of recycling, and I am tired, so... no.  Plus a load of laundry set up and going.

Not perfect.  Not everything.  I would still like to set up more dishes.  I just... I can't.  Plus, with the tub empty, I can get another shower tomorrow.  Lord knows I love showers.  And baths.  I really would take one daily if I had the path and energy.  I have to stay awake a while longer, to let the hair dry a bit more.  I hate going to bed on a wet head.

Still, not bad.  I think the only things I missed were getting recycling to the curb, if it really isn't needed, and setting up another load of laundry.  Which... may be of benefit.  I think that is all I missed?  I didn't hit the counters, or break boxes down, but neither of those was actually proposed, as a certain hope... merely possibilities.

All good.  Now I can sleep with a somewhat clearer conscience.  What?  You thought I could live like in a sty, and be happy, settled, even resigned to it?  No, it is a horror every single day.  I fight it, tooth and nail.  Even though I lose, I have never just surrendered to it.  I still think, with just a bit of help, I could... win.  A woman who likes to play house.  Well... in real as well as... other ways.  All I could do is help, but I could do that.

It is just about bedtime.  So ready, still have to wait half an hour.  It is 42 out, 74 in this front room, near the computer, still.  Probably about 70 everywhere else.  But a bit more humid, at 41%.  It has been a more humid year.  Most of the time.  Could see my breath, at 42, dew point must be up?  Something.  Anyway, good night.

Dishes, and a few starts.

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Nothing big.  Dishes, and a second chore time, were the biggest.  So far.  Hoping, yet, for a shower, a load of laundry after, then maybe more dishes set up.  I had to wash the dishes, again, then rinse them.  Plus I had to clear and cleand the freezertop, just a bit.  It was mostly ready.

Meat is out thawing, but won't help tonight.  I could run a package through a hot water bath, but that isn't the best.  So, a can of beans, peas, and corn... a mash... with butter.  Well, salted just a bit, with garlic, pepper, and some standard hot pepper flecks.  I just want a slight taste, not a burn, not tonight.

I still need to get trash and recycling together and out.  A shower is on the way, I think.  Laundry started, perhaps more dishes, and maybe a shave.  Hmm, I should trim my whiskers first.  Makes shaving easier.  Whether I shave tonight or tomorrow.

Waterers were completely caught back up tonight.  I did them twice, but the second batch was small and fast.  Bits and pieces, here and there, but I am getting to things, keeping enough ahead of what I did before.  Now to advance, and keep that up.  I keep thinking I will, eventually, get there.  And, while unlikely, with prayer, in humility, I may.  God seems to help those who help themselves.  The question is, can I help myself?  I'm trying.

Well.  On to... whatever is next.  Probably that odd mix of food to eat.  Later, or more likely good night?  Maybe.

Time killer?

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Want to bet?  Here.  Not to... prove a point.  Just to... do my job?  *grins*

Oh, right.

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I didn't go down until... after I called my mother.  I meant to call yesterday.  I was in recovery, and just... it didn't happen.  I was up until 08:23, and through the call.  I did chores first.  It helps sleep with a clear conscience when the animals are tended, cats too.  They aren't animal animals, but... like me, at times, it's... what, if not who, we are?  Somewhere in there.

I woke around 13:30?  I think so.  In good shape, not too tired, exhausted, and pain seems to have passed, so I got up.  Not getting to a lot, yet, but... trending that way?  Maybe.  It is 78 outside?  I never thought I would be glad to see it that warm.  Then again, even with the machine on, and all, it is only 74 here near the machine, and probably cooler in the main of the room, definitely cooler in the rest of the house... more like 70 out that way.

A fatted coffee.  And, while I reset waterers, I didn't put them up.  I will get that done, then do dishes.  I should be able to wash and rinse those, then get them out to air dry.  As well, get trash bagged, collected, and out.  As with recycling.  I think I will, almost certainly.

I would like something to eat, but don't have anything thawed.  Could go to town, but want a shower first, and maybe a shave.  Though... I really don't want to go to town.  Tomorrow, or sometime early this week.  For shopping, and taxes.  I will have to push to get out, but being showered, shaven, and ready otherwise will help.  Clean clothes adds confidence.  It's a brutal world out there.

I am a bit worried about my mother.  She was really pushing, to get out.  But she seems... confused, tired, inactive.  They did push her, toward the end.  But that was necessary, to make sure she was, possibly, capable to being released.  I hope she understands, one more fail, fall, illness, or else, and in such a short order, they won't let her go next time.  At least, if it happens in the next year or two.  And her guy can't care for her.  It has been the other way around for a long time.  He needs care at least as much as she does.

All I can do is check in, pray, and have some hope and faith.  I don't have much say, either way.  And, while I could take her in, I can't take an invalid in.  She has to at least handle her own affairs.  I could drive her.  I can help her with things, to a degree.  But, really, I'm in probably worse shape than her friend.  What was it?  It's never sad until it ends, then everything is sad?  Well, closing shops is sad, the process.  Everyone I know is beyond our seeming end.  I don't think anyone really cares.  I get it, things to do, places to go, money to make, loves and lovers to find.  I... was there, myself, once.  I... understand.  It works until it doesn't.  Amen.

Still, I am hoping to dig in today.  Sweep the bathroom first, then begin on dishes.  Oh, and putting waterers in their packs.  It really should be easy.  I have been trying to sit to work, but may try kneepads and see if that is easier, quicker.  So much to do, but I am so ahead in the bathroom.  I have cleaned it before, but never to the quick.  This is really clean.  Grout, near the tub faucet, could use an update.  It looks ugly.  But it is clean.  The tub?  A bit ugly, but again, clean... clean as I know how to get it.  *sigh*

I will need food before long, and sardines or kippers won't do it.  Not sure what I have in there, will have to look.  Hmm, might pull meats, as suggested, to thaw.  Though that will take a while.  Bleh.  I'll get to something after a quick roust around the internet.  Good afternoon and day.

Chores, and cats, at least.

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Not more, yet.  Hopefully more.  I think so.  Feeling better, just numb.  A bit shaken, from the level of pain felt earlier.  Literally, like palsey.  But minor, it will pass.  I haven't had the shakes from pain severity in a while now.  But I remember it well.

The animals were quite pleased to be fed and watered a second time.  It has been hit and miss lately, something is just off.  The girls, cats, get pretty well taken care of.  Even if I don't eat, they get fed and treated at least twice a day, and their litter is usually hit twice, once at least.  Usually.

I had brats, and sauerkraut.  I will probably have the last two from the package.  I also need to thaw more meat.  That was it.  Burger, a roast, more brats, and chicken?  Something like that.  I am still hungry.  A few more of those sausages should finish that though.

I have been looking for equipment to help with processing the ducks.  A cone would do, if I went the bleeding way.  Or, just cord for the feet, to let them hang, if I more snap their necks, then cut them to bleed.  I am not sure what size pot to get.  I am thinking 84 or 100 quarts, probably going with the 84 quart, with a basket.  Makes getting them in and out a lot easier, possibly doing two or three at a time.

I am thinking, two or three at a time is as much as I would want to do.  Even that will be a couple of hours of work, mostly plucking.  I may purchase plastic paint drop clothes, to tape to my folding table.  Hopefully strong enough to wash, dry, and store afterward... to last a few seasons anyway?  One can hope.  Plucking devices are being viewed.

To be honest, I am not sure there is a plucking machine or device which will work well with ducks.  Though, what I am seeing too, is people try to pluck ducks without scalding properly.  The water needs to be between 150 and 160, perhaps as high as 170 but not preferred.  And the ducks have to be soaked in that to get through to the skin.  Their feathers act as both water, and temperature, proofing.  It takes a while, and some testing, to get through those layers.  If it doesn't get to the skin, then scald that for a while, the feathers will not come out easily.  There are a few other tricks, but it is a lot of work, no matter the tricks involved.  It is more work than chickens.  Probably more than turkeys, pheasant, or other.  They are waterfowl, the others really aren't.

I have wondered about saving the feathers.  Not sure how practical or useful those are, how much even two dozen birds would provide, how easy it is to clean and then use those?  I hate to waste, but feather processing might be beyond me.  Heck, duck processing might be a bit advanced, or simply too much work, for me.  Will find out.

Initially, all I will have is a scalder, waterproof gloves, a rubber bib, and elbow grease.  I have, about, twenty ducks to process.  A few might be ready, but certainly not all.  Most are a couple weeks to a month away, still.  I will keep the mule hens, just for... less competition among the drakes.  And, perhaps they will still lay eggs?  I haven't been collecting eggs, but may get back to that, in time.

As well, decisions.  I want to keep the biggest animals, for breeding.  I don't care about color, I don't care about shape.  I want size.  So... the drakes will be checked, and probably weighed.  As will the hens.  While the smaller ones, initially, will provide less meat this year, culling with size in mind will lead to larger stock in the future.  I would hate to have to butcher a named drake, but... if he doesn't weigh in well, he'll have to go.  If it's close enough, I'll... give him, and me, a break.

Well, waterers were done.  And I am hoping to finish the dishes.  Perhaps restart some of the kefir.  Just two half gallon jugs, if I do.  Then, perhaps, in time, expand back out to four again.  Four seems to be a good source of keto food for me, if I can keep them in rotation.  It's... a bit of a trick.  If I can, I can cut a lot of other food expenses.  With cream coming in, for adding to coffee, and if I could get rabbits and ducks for a dozen meals a month, I'd be beginning to be much freer from the grocery store.  Will still need veggies of various sorts, since I can't keep up on a garden.  And will always want extra meats, for here and there.  But... a bit less reliant on the store is good.

Yea, I'll really try to hit dishes, start a load of laundry, get the trash and recycling out, get a shower, and maybe shave yet tonight.  Maybe.  Even being shaky, I am feeling enough better to try.  So try I will.  Later, or good night if I don't make it far.  Sleep well.

Strangely better.

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I can't say why.  The painkiller?  Just because?  Oh, a bit numb.  Whatever helped is continuing to help, but at a level beyond need?  Or... the need was excessive beyond my understanding.  You do realize that your body is a chemistry plant, don't you?  How do you think you survive terrible wounds, even lethal illnesses in my case?  My body is still pumping out something, something which makes even my skin numb.

For now, I'll gladly take it.  I wouldn't take any man-made stuff.  I'd rather suffer.  I just don't like the feelings, sensations, confusion.  Remember when my cousin cracked my ribs?  I took their painkiller a few times, three I think.  Then I stopped taking it.  I... just... couldn't, wouldn't, so didn't.  Hurt to breath, but better pain than that stuff.  If you have ever cracked a rib, let alone half a dozen of them, you... know... what pain is.  I did, and chose pain to that.

I haven't gotten to work yet.  I need food.  Not sure what I have.  I do have sardines, not quite up to that... or kipper snacks.  Yes, they are different, it's the type of fish.  Sardines are sardines, kipper snacks are made from mackerel.  Not holy mackerel, just mackerel.  I will look around for something.  Oh... perhaps bratwurts and sauerkraut.  That... might do.  The sauerkraut cuts the greasy excess of the brat and the brat fats sweeten the 'kraut.  It's a good call.

Oh, best feed the girls again.  Hmm, seems to be darkening out there?  No, it isn't.  And it is 74, but a warm 74?  Must be acclimating to the cooler weather.  Warm enough I opened up.  The house is, mostly, around 70.  I'll try to get some of that warmth in.  As well, I lit the grill while out checking.  It isn't darkening, it is just later in the day cycle, so seems like it.  Well, and there is a haze... part of the beginning or end of an inversion, plus the wildfires, who knows what else.  But, yeah... just a fall day.  A pleasant one, albeit.

Hopefully I will be able to get a few of the things on the list.  If terribly lucky, all of them.  Who knows.  Good afternoon and day.

I haven't hurt like this in a year or two?

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I kept trying to wake up, only to break through into a world of pain.  Mostly neck, shoulders, headache... migraine?  Yes, migraine.  The light hurt, sound hurt, vibrations from the fan hurt.  I wasn't nauseous, but that is only usually the case, not always.  Hurt, as if my bones had outgrown my skin.  Other things hurt, too, but they went mostly under the radar.

Why?  I can't say.  I did keep trying to adjust pillows, hoping that might help.  I had slept with the fan off, initially.  Turned it on later, when it seemed a bit warm.  It really wasn't, by temperature.  But I really like moving air while I sleep.  I am used to it.  To be honest, after a dozen wakes into shocking pain, I think I did find a more comfortable position.  And, would lose it.  I was rolling a lot?  That might have been it, but why?  

I eventually found a spot, which was the least painful, and kept it.  So was able to get some good sleep... better sleep.  I still woke in misery.  Beautiful, as painful as it gets.  Strange to call it beautiful, but... there you go.  I had hoped, as I got up and going, it would fade.

So far, not so much.  Still, I got to chores first thing, and was nice to all the critters.  Why be mean to them if your own body is the problem?  Logic doesn't always fit the bill, and it wasn't a part of my reasoning.  I just like the little critters.  They even, sort of, sometimes, like me back.  I understand their trepidation.  We all know the score, and any of them could be moments from dinner.  Even the seniors, if I think they... it is their time.

Cats next, feed, litter, some attention.  Sam kept visiting, Sassy visited once.  It wasn't nazels being blocked.  I don't know why.  Yesterday was bad, today is far worse.  The neck is out enough that it is causing a minor fever.  So very odd.  Still, I am not throwing in the towel.

A few acetaminophen just now.  It's been long enough that I forget they are there.  And with animals tended, I can begin work for the day.  I did hit the dishes, once, yesterday.  But that was it.  Not as bad as today, but rough.  I am hoping to finish those dishes, begin clearing counters (at least, maybe finish), and get trash and recycling gathered and out.  A shower, and maybe shave, in there.

If I can do those things, I am good.  Oh, maybe a load of laundry?  Just one, a small one, through.  Should be okay.  If I can.  Well, there is the nausea.  Sardines will fix that.  :p  Yeah, I... may have sardines.  Don't have much else to eat.  For the moment.  Anyway...  I'll try to do a few things.  Good afternoon and day, and for my part, morning.  Later.

Not quite thirteen hundred.

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Yes, late.  I tried to wake earlier.  Going as far as crawling out of bed at a quarter to ten.  I sat, where I dress for the day, but couldn't even sit well.  More sleep.  No choice.  So it went.  Sam arrived, at least once.  I didn't see Sassy, not sure why.  Didn't set the alarms, because they, currently, only complicate matters.

Even now, I am just on this side of awake.  It isn't even cold.  I think it was 68 or 69 upstairs, 70 in the main downstairs, though 66 in this front room.  But it doesn't feel cool, today.  Odd.  I have been eating.  A few smaller meals, cheese sandwiches of which there is enough for one more.  I need to shop.  As well, usually a larger meal in the evening.  I wonder how many calories are in a slice of cheese, a deli cut?  I'll have to look.  My usual meal is two of said sandwiches for one meal, and a single one for another.  The sandwich is comprised of two slices of cheese and three slices of deli meat.  Sometimes I have half a cup of raw baby carrots or broccoli and/or cauliflower.  But even that last is a one in four thing.  Rarely.  Still, it's... something.  Oh, and a fatted coffee, when I have it.  If even that is more like one in three meals.  Mostly just water, with my meals, these days.  Perrier, usually, plain.  Though, sometimes, tea.  Haven't lost an ounce.  Oh well.

I need to get going.  Chores, but actually dishes and a shower first.  Maybe a shave?  Yes, if I can.  The girls have had a morning treat, to buy me some time of solitude.  But they will begin begging, first one at a time, then in a tag team procession, then with both in here, at once, one at my feet, the other at my shoulder.  They should have gone into used auto sales.

Something was tic-tic-ticking.  I... couldn't think what it was.  I no longer have an analog clock.  Pretty sure it wasn't a bomb.  Ah... yesterday I remembered to stop the ceiling fan, and get it to spin in the other direction.  One way, it helps the place stay cool, the other, it helps it stay warm.  Or so they say.  Doest it work?  I don't know.  But... I like to think so.  My sensation of heat and cold is excessively finicky.  Yesterday, and/or the day before, these exact temps seemed frigid.  Today they seem just fine.  Is it the fan?  Have I, am I, adjusting?  Is it what I am wearing?  Taking?  Eating?  I... I just don't know.  But... I think so.  It would have no affect in this room, so... probably, possibly, a bit of several of those things?  Yes.

Before dishes and washing, a bit of looking around the web.  Good morning... urhm... make that afternoon, and day.

Out, all night.

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Wasn't sure we would be going.  It seemed cool.  And it is.  Just not that cool.  It was around 70 when we started.  It dropped to 55, then back to 56, down to 55, and so on.  It never dropped below 55, that I saw.  Strange how that works.  I can't say it was the land, perhaps higher ground.  Or, maybe, just a weather condition which held the temperature nearly static... clouds or a high... or low?  I... don't even think scientists actually know.

Can't really sleep yet, either.  Want to.  It just isn't happening.  I didn't do anything else earlier, so, maybe, dishes before bedtime... a shower... and a load of laundry to start?  I don't know.  It's the idea.  Not sure I can do it.  Still tired.  Not exhausted, just... blissfully restful.  Difficult to escapte this feeling.  Want to... will try.

I'd like to have everything set up for a shower in the morning, even if I take one tonight.  Clean clothes, and else, ready to go.  In case I can wake early enough to get out.  Even just grocery shopping.  And stopping at the health food store.  I am out of ground corriander, and I have so come to enjoy that simple spice.  It, along with a good salt, freshly ground pepper, sometimes with onion and or garlic powder, and occasionally ghost pepper, regular pepper flecks, and chipotle.  I like mixing the heat, for a variety of flavors and heat... more rounded.  Prettier.  *cat call whistle*  I love me some proper spicing.  Oh, I need onion powder too.  I don't trust those from general grocery stores.  They do have organic, but it is both overpriced, and still probably from China.  Bleh.  No!

It was a pleasant day.  I got the chores done twice.  The girls have been well fed, their water recharged fresh again two days in a row now, and their litter cleared and refreshed.  Treats and pets, lap time and else.  I... do my best.  They put up with me.  It's... as good as I can do, and I think they, of all "people", know.  I wish more did.  Truly.  Though, for many, trying doesn't matter.  Only results.  And, I get that too.

On to... something.  Good night.

Something is just wrong.

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Moving slowly.  Not responding.  I set alarms, to get going, and don't even hear... remember hearing... them.  I've set the alarm three times and can't remember one going off.  That... isn't lazy.  Something is just not working.  I think it is the cool.  It was 66 in this room this morning, 70 in the rest of the house, because the furnace is there to catch it.

I did dress warm.  Warmer.  Long sleeves would help.  Hmm, I have a pleasant fleece jacket around here somewhere.  Technically, part of my layering systems.  A midweight.  It isn't waterproof or windproof, but good under one, the other, or a double duty shell, or heavier coat if it all goes hard cold.

Still, I... feel warm enough.  But as summer fades, so too do I.  I don't think it is quite seasonal, in the way psychopathogens try to introduce it.  It is merely a fading of capacity.  It has nothing to do with mood, it is biological.  Which is why extra lighting really won't help.  I do understand hibernation.  Would, if I could.  Turtles, bears, fish, reptiles of other sorts... is a turtle a reptile?  I... think so.  I used to go down.  Based a bit on weather, a bit on the strenght of the sun.  Both are goind cold, and fast.

Just because I am failing doesn't mean I have to quit.  I may, for a bit, quit, before long.  It becomes painful to even try.  I have some things I really need to get done, though.  And there are things I really have to do.  Hollow inside, dead feeling, lost, weak, tired, sore, pained... I have... things to do.  The animals must be fed.  And, sometimes, even I have to eat.  And eat enough to... cycle the system.  Or I get all stoved up.

I best get on to something.  Maybe.  I hope.  Later.

Up, if late.

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Right to it, if not what I had hoped as a first thing.  Chorese, and cats.  Fed and watered.  Litter remains to be cleared.  But there is always something.  The animals are hungry.  Always.  Terribly.  I think the teen hungers of a lot of them drive the adults to famine.  Out of competition, literal or virtual?  Or just herd instinct?

I had hoped to do dishes first, then take a shower, maybe shave.  Take a break, then hit chores.  But being that it was after noon, I decided chores first was best.  I am hoping to conclude, or begin concluding, my final bits of business today.  Or... not.  The hope is there.  So tired.  Nothing hurts this morning.  Not sure what happened to the pain.  But, for now, mostly, it is gone.  I feel the edges of a headache.  There are other possible problems.  Like clouds on the horizon, so far, they are just... possibilities.  Maybe probabilities?  Difficult to say which of those, as my seasons are intractable.

Dishes, too, need to be hit, probably finished.  Then a shower and shave.  Hopefully more, nearing the end, dishes into the cleaning process.  Maybe laundry too.  I'll keep at it.  I am getting ahead, again, finally.  If very slowly.  So it goes.  It is just 70 out there, maybe 72?  Something in there.  I have the front door open, because it was 66 in here, to start.

Dressed slightly more warmly this morning.  That will probably be the way forward.  Though I need to find a few more long sleeve t's or hoodies.  Just cotton, or cotton-poly, not anything weird or fancy.  Anything to use less fuel for heating, I guess.  Later.

Nah, not much more.

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I do know I need to, possibly, get to town soon.  The problem is the last time I was out my tires were low.  My vehicle was one of the first with a stupidwarning.  It doesn't say which tire, or all, or how much.  It only puts on a dumblight if one, or all, are below pressure.  Best to take a look, but I was pretty much to town when it came on.  And they looked good enough.  So I just finished and returend.

I have a cordless air compressor.  It worked as advertised.  One tire, the rear left, driver side, was down by 8.  At 27, it didn't really look low.  I keep them at 35, am considering pumping them just a bit higher in the winters.  Not sure, yet, but... a notion of a possibility I must research.  The other tires were all either 33 or 33.5.  The device was easy to use, and the process was quick and painless.

I looked all over the tires for the marking of the highest pressure, the max.  It was never, explicitly, given.  It was passively suggested, as I see things.  It can go to 50psi, but 35 (which wasn't give at all) is what the vehicle recommends (if that was for stock tires, which these aren't).  Still, I do believe they were set at 35psi, recommended, as well.  Why don't they write that on the tires, in easy to see formats?  Still, I got the tires aired up.

I couldn't find my pressure gauge, any of them.  The device has one built in.  Even so, I prefer to test.  If nothing else, a double check.  I... prefer to check tire pressures manually.  I don't trust digital things all that much.  Still, it is good, in a pinch, to not need one.  Need has little to do with things, always.  Tradition?  Or... just... a double check, front and back?  Something.

I also checked in on my friend.  It seems he did quit early.  It dipped below 50, to 46 I think he said.  There are spots where it does get colder.  All valleys, even on the plains, depending on weather patterns, wind channels, and else... there are spots which are colder, sometimes static, sometimes changing.  It was still 52 here, but we are a bit higher?  Well, we aren't a low spot, near water?  I think that is more it.  And where we are situated is warmer in the winter, and cooler in the summer, than on either wall of the valley.

I would have thought, being out in the middle of it, we would be colder.  But the winds are much less of a factor in a major cauldron like valley, of, say, 50 to 70 miles by 30 miles?  Roughly, and mostly.  We have mini-titty mountains inside of the valley itself.  It's... a strange place.  But, with no real wind, the snow likes to pile along the mountain sides, while the sun burns those in a strange way.  Or... that is what I believe to be the cause.  Who... really knows.

Oh, on to... something.  I'd like to hit the dishes, once, anyway.  And refill waterers while at it.  I won't finish the dishes.  That'll have to wait until tomorrow.  Hopefully first thing.  Then a shower, and maybe shave.  Chores, and counters?  Something.  Ugh...  Good night.

She is home.

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My mother is home.  I called earlier, to check.  No answer.  So I gave her a call just a bit ago.  It sounds like she is doing well.  She is home.

She overdid today, getting things reset, sorted, and all today.  I expected she would.  There are always so many things to do when one returns from an extended stay.  She had a little helper.  Little?  A young lady, I don't know her age anymore.  She skipped school, or they didn't have school, and showed up to help.  One day a week, she suggested, to help with anything she might need.  Very good.

She is a fighter too.  She fights differently, but well.  I suspect she will do well this time.  Her fellow is helping her set up medicine, and that will help her keep on it.  Her appetite is good.  And her wanting to be home is strong.  Set up, for the day.  And for a while.  She will be going out to stay with her friend again soon, as well.  After she has her house arranged.  Which, actually, is his house.  Yea.  His other house.

I haven't done much.  It is so cool.  It is taking the legs out from under me.  I am hoping, yet, to do more.  And, think I may.  I may have to begin dressing much warmer.  It went from being in the 80s just a bit ago, to just barely making it to 70, or not quite, recently... as highs.  This really is cool.

As well, I will stop opening the upstairs window, except at bedtime.  Closing that up during the day might help keep the house warmer, and gather what of the sun is possible up there, and in the attics.  Tricks, and processes, attempts at this and that.  Nothing is ever sure.

Yeah, hitting the dishes at least once... doing at least some clearing of the counters... starting in on some laundry...  Nothing fancy, just starts and continuations.  So tired, though, and cold.  I have the furnace up to 74.  I... am going to try to just dress warmer.  Hmm, I need some long sleeve tees.  Desert Cat got roughly talked me into buying a few.  And, honestly, they are amazing.  I just need a few more.  Hooded are really good.

I did contact the driver.  He is going, still, but had a friend ask to go tonight.  All good.  So he is still going out.  How long he will run is a different story.  Still, perhaps another night, tomorrow night.  Maybe through the week.  As mentioned, nothing is for sure.

Hmm... yes.  Those things, perhaps, and a shower too.  I'll have to hit the dishes to begin a shower.  At least clean them a shot, then set them aside.  Later.  Possibly good night.  Not sure I'll be back on.  

Up, and at it!

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I thought it was earlier.  But, I got right to it.  Chores are done, litter was cleared, cats fed.  That was about all I had it in me to do.  But, I did it quickly, this morning.  Oh, something is still wrong, it hurts... pretty much everywhere.  But I have gotten used to this particular cross again.  Nothing to do about it anyway, so... best just get on with things as possible.

And, yesterday, I cleared off the stovetop, finished all dishes which had been set up, and have another group of dishes waiting to be done this morning, or today anyway.  Plus, the freezertop is completely cleaned and cleared, and remains so, waiting for whatever groups of dishes may arrive to air dry.  I air dry dishes as much to let them truly finish drying as to give me a soft break before putting them away.  

Oh, I even found a place for my au gratin boats... they are, say, nine and an half by four and three quaters, and probably an inch and an half to two and an half deep?  something like that.  Perfect for three eggs, a dozen or two tiny flourets of broccoli, cheese(s), and a few shredded deli meats, and such.  You could load up or go lean, and this will have you covered.  Still, a home had to to be made for them.  So it was needed, so it got done.

Today?  More dishes.  Restart packing.  Counters in the kitchen.  A start back on laundry.  Chores later.  And maybe begin hitting boxes?  I nearly cleared the bathroom hallway... at least of smaller boxes.  I suppose I could try to finish clearing that, too.  Who knows.  But, work.  More work.  Things to do.

I have all but one business arrangement managed... taxes... on autos and house?  I'll try to do it online, if possible.  Today, or... this week anyway.  But I think the cars have been changed, to different months.  But I need a tax exemption paper, both to deal with property taxes and the autos, when they come up.  Not sure how to do this all online.  Will be sorting it.

I had been eating bread with cold cuts, because I thought I was out of cheese, not quite.  So, back to cheese.  Bread actually... isn't as tasty as cheese.  It does add a lot of bulk, but a flat bulk.  It's like adding cardboard to the rest, really.  I do need, also, to do grocery shopping, and pick up more feed.  Gah!  But they eat so much!

Some of it.

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A very slow day.  But, spots of work, here and there.  The first load which was drying, of dishes, was put away.  The second load was washed, again, rinsed, and set to dry.  It, too, now, is away.  A shower was taken.  Then more dishes were set to go.  I did have to clean the freezer top again.  As well, feeding the girls, and tending their litter.

Chores haven't been completed yet.  Next.  Just hopped out of the shower, want to dry off a bit first, before dressing.  Then I'll get to chores.  Yea, late, slow, etc.  It's... what I can do.  Haven't even been up to playing my game.  I have been completely focused on doing my list of things.

I called, to check if mosquito treatments would happen tonight.  Not sure, was the reply.  As cool as it was last night?  Still, I haven't, yet, been out to even check the temperature today.  I have no more clue than the man on the moon.  Can't spray for them below 50 F.  They go to ground, so the insecticide doesn't affect them.  Only critters in the air will be killed.  Which is why, also, they wait until sundown to spray, so as not to kill bees.  I had no idea bees were daytime only creatures.  Some could say it makes sense, but... no.  It... just is.  I doubt if most of what we think makes sense has anything to do with what we propose.  Some?  Maybe, or partly.  But... much more rarely than we think.  As too often they think with their heart... or other parts.  Not reliable, assuming they haven't been bribed, corrupted, blackmailed, etc.  Which... I don't.  Actually, I assume every single study has been given a conclussion before a single theory was tested.  By the Chinese, US, or EU governments, for or even against their own interests.  The right and left hands really don't know what they other is doing, and neither are doing the right things.

Although, it seems the king's new clothes are just as shiny and bright as the king's old clothes.  Some suspect the king won't bail out his tailor, and he may well not.  But I tell you, the difference is nil.  It was baked into the cake, and nothing to be done about it at this point.  Trying to blame the type of capitalism, crony, that he and the US Lehman Brothers created is simply not applicable.  They were allowed to run, by the prospective governments.  Even enhanced and given get out of prison free chits.  At this point, corrections aren't going to work.  Bail them, don't, imprison the elites or don't, hell... kill those responsible... if don't forget about the bureaucrats if you are going to go that way...  It just simply doesn't matter when they were always just puppets of the state.  Like it or not, suffering, probably global, is on the way.

It seems the US just exported a fraudulent business practice.  China thought they were so sneaky, in breaking into the US cookie jar and grabbing the easy way to money.  There isn't a real estate, manufacturer, or economic influencer/trader which is legitimate in China.  Can't print gold, can't copy success.  Funny how things work out.  Now all they need is for Three Gorges Dam to fold, and they... will be back to scrubs.  Not sure if that will happen, but it certainly is a possibility.  Of course, the US has become a snake's den of economic ruinousness.  We make nothing, break everthing.  We are destructive, economically.  Our business model is making money out of money, in a way that is impossible and unsustainable.  It's a fiction.  I can't wait for the falling bankers.  And it is coming.  Here, there, everywhere.  Hopefully bureaucrats go with them.

Hmm?  Oh, right.  Not really grumpy, just noticing.  Later.

Awake, again.

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A bit better this morning.  I had a few things to do, which had backed up.  I hit the dishes, finally.  They are clean, just getting a rinse as I try to wake and get on to a shower.  Oh, I should put the clean dishes away, the ones out on the freezer... create space for the newly washed dishes.  As well, more dishes will go in after a shower.

It got down to 66 upstairs, with a single window open and a single fan on low.  At some point it went up to 68, but hen, by the time I woke, was down to 66 again.  Odd.  The furnace kept the downstairs at 70, but the front room was rather chilly.  It is even now just at 67.  I haven't checked outside, but I'd guess it is really cool.  This is more like October.  Almost more like November.  It's looking to be a cold winter, if this is any indication.  My mother suggests it is really cooling down out there, too.

Chores... but before or after a shower?  Am I staying awake, or going back for more sleep?  No, I am trying to stay awake.  Dry dishes, rinsing dishes, a shower... cat litter and feeding... a bit of time down, as I am still a bit weary, and those things will tire me.  Then on to chores.  As well, a few other things today.  Always something about something.

Oh, if I could get to the store, that would be good.  Nothing fancy.  Just cheese slices, perhaps packages of deli cuts, eggs for now, gruyere cheese... maybe a small bit of gorgonzola... for a rare stronger bite.  Both of those to be bubbled on top, under the broiler...  I think that would be best for them.  Oh, and more salad fixings.  That's a fairly good way to go about it, the family pack.  Sure, it is iceburg lettuce, but... after extensive reconsideration, and in all honesty?  There just isn't enough difference between romaine and iceburg lettuce to bother.  One is greener, perhaps prettier.  But both are pretty much water, with only mass... bulk, not roughage, to push through the system.  So be it.  This costs less, far less, is already prepped, has carrots, red cabbage bits, cucumber slices, and tomatoes in with it.  The packaging makes it last a week, if one closes it and returns it to the first quickly.  Can't beat it.  Goes good with leftover meats, hamburger crumble, or even a simple can of tuna.  Check.

Well... I best get going.  I was late to feed the critters yesterday, and fed them only once.  Not today.  I do my best, some days... once will be all, and late at that.  Hoping to figure out culling, before long.  Just one, to see how it goes, first.  Getting the feathers off will be the trick.  A hen, to start.  If the drakes don't get much bigger soon, one of those before long.  If I can get the process down, I may do three or four a day, or as many as reasonable for a one-man band.  I should end up with, say, twelve to fifteen birds.  Some of the hens will be kept.  I'd still like to find a good home for a few, but I don't think most want anything to do with... anything.  They just want to buy at the store.  Many would rather eat at McDonalds, or anywhere else.  I get it.  But that... whole edifice is about to come down.  I realize I won't be able to keep my animals.  Thieves, the hungry, even here.  People who, now, despise someone for eating small cute animals will ravage these cute little things and kill anyone who tries to get in their way.  The world is never what it seems, and the sheep are often, truly, not just not sheep... for none are... but are not even just wolves, eating of the fruits of vegetation and meats, but ravenous animals who know not themselves.  Pray for them, and yourself that you shouldn't become such.  I do.  I do.  Amen.

Well... on to dishes... then a shower and drying time.  Good morning and day.

I hurt, and wanted to sleep.

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So it went all day.  The shower didn't help.  I wonder if having Sassy up there disturbed my rolling, which then caused my neck to be out, and back, which caused the headache?  Probably.

I just got to chores.  I kept hoping the pain would ease, that I would wake a bit.  Had to refresh duck feed, which is a 150 pound task.  I didn't want to do it.  I was also almost certain the kits would be dead.  I expected them to be dead yesterday.  Finally, I got out and got the feed put in, then fed the ducks and started in on the rabbits.

Sure enough, the little ones were dead.  Probably cold, she just didn't want anything to do with them.  Wouldn't go in with them.  Oh well.  Makes me wonder if any of them will do well.  There are two more, potentially, pregnant.  And I may breed two of the big does.  Just little ones, so far.  So far, to no good ends.  And timers and watching the calendar does no good, when they can be so late, and further leave no clue they are about to deliver.  Even checking twice a day doesn't necessarily mean it will work out.  They die so quickly out in a bare cage.  Ugh.

The pork, with sauerkraut, wasn't bad.  I wouldn't call it splendid, but it was okay.  A shower earlier was nice.  I had hoped it would relax the muscles, ease the aches and pains.  No such luck, but I did get clean.  It is 48 out there, or was at about 20:00, give or take a bit.  The warmest I saw it today was 58.  Very cool, even for this time of year.

I did call, and connect, with my brother.  He isn't really insterested in talking.  He talked a bit.  Still, he does have a lot on his plate.  Little of it, at the moment, anything his actions led into.  Gums are still sore.  Life is still a bit overwhelming.  And, while everyone expects them to go his way, they leave it in his hands.  As... is often the case.

I'll try to get ready.  But I have limits too, especially with this recent fall.  Meh.  I'll do what I can.  It'll get done, what can, and has to be done.  Later, or more likely good night.

Awake.

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Early, or well, later but early enough.  I think around 09:00.  Had a tough time waking before that.  Woke around 6:45, then every half hour to hour after.  Simply couldn't wake until nine or a bit after.  Someone rang the bell, twice.  I wasn't showered, dressed, ready, so I didn't answer.

I looked out, as they were leaving, but couldn't tell who it was.  A nice truck, white, newer(?I believe), with tools in the bed... shovels, and other such.  I called the two who it might have been, that I know.  But, nope.  So, no clue.  No message left.  I wish I had been up to answering the door.  If nothing else, I like to know.

Showered, finally.  Dishes back in for another soak.  I need to do waterers, and then chores.  I want to see how the baby bunnies are doing.  I keep fearing I will find them dead.  It got really cold last night, down to 37 or 38, but that was at midnight.  It might have gotten even colder.

I have the furnace set to 70, and it kept the back rooms that temp.  But this front room was down to 65, without any way to heat it.  It is up to 70 at around nearing 14:00.  The upstairs, with the door open, and a window open, plus fans, was at 70, 71 near me.  Sassy slept with me most of the night, crawling under the blankets, down by my knees.

I miss when I can't let the girls up, for this or that reason.  Sam visited a time or two, but didn't stay.  Her choice.

A trim, the beard, mostly, is gone.  I need to shave eventually.  May grow it out this winter.  It was actually comfortable this time, not so dang itchy.  And, more full.

Hmm... now to make something to eat.  Perhaps heat some of the pulled pork.  Not sure what to eat with it.  I have some sauerkraut from the jar I have been using remaining.  That might not be bad.  And it is very keto friendly.  Eat, then do waterers, then hit chores.  Oh... I need to bring more grain, for the birds.  They sure can eat.  Later.

So far, so good.

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The kits are still alive.  I have never seen mom in with them, but if she wasn't, they would be dead from the cold.  It is already down to 50 outside.  And it has been a day, and more, since they were born on top of it.  If she wasn't tending them, they would all be dead.  They just don't live long without serious care and some warmth.  I just wish she would stay in with them.  I have extra food and water for her, I don't know what else to do.

As well, my mother called.  As release date arrives, she is starting to get a little nervous.  She did say, if she needs me, she will call.  Though, at best, it will take two days for me to get there.  So I will begin, again, setting up my gear to go on short nortice.  I had ordered a few things for the trip, and was partly into packing.  So it should be easy.  Of course, that means, I need to pick up the pace on cleaning the house, too.

I made chicken, again.  I really hit it right.  So juicy, with skin just perfectly crisped.  Done through and through.  Amazing chicken.  I do have three pieces left, so will warm those shortly.  As well, I am warming the grill, again, in order to slow cook a pork roast for the week.

I will tamp the heat down to somewhere in the 280 to 320 range, about as accurate as my grill gets, then let it cook for... probably... three hours, then spike the heat for the last half hour to hour.  Then wrap it in foil and let it rest for half an hour, or until it is cool enough to pick apart.  Pork is one meat which holds smoke well, over time.  Beef can, say a brisket.  But a grilled/smoked steak, in my opinion, has to be eaten immediately after a three to five minute rest.  Chicken as well, has to be eaten as soon as it is cool enough to eat.  I'll see if reheating, from room temp, after smoking a bit earlier, is okay for chicken.

The ducks keep believing I will feed them again.  They have been fed twice, so... no.  I will check on momma one more time, before bedtime... in an hour or two.  She still looks rather traumatized.  Poor thing.  I suppose there is a reason for neurosis.  :p  Hopefully, as she improves, regains strength and else, life will get easier.  I have been doing extra interaction with her, lately.  So as, hopefully, to make any handling of her babies necessary not be a shock or trauma.  She has my scent on her, so them having it, hopefully, won't be an issue.  So far it seems to have worked out.  She hasn't killed them, or seeming abandoned them.  Yet.  Ugh.

Later, or good night.

Oh noes!

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While watching yt vids, I realized my friend is...

Better, if still slightly rough.

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The neck is still out, a slight headache remains, exhaustion and a weariness which remain... if becoming boringly familiar these last weeks... months really.  Internals don't feel bad, if they are still a bit off?  Something.  Still, considering how bad it gets, this is... a more pleasant form of suffering.

I went to bed at about 00:30, waking a quarter to eight?  Up earlier today, for no good reason.  May need a nap before long.  I am leaving the door open, so the girls are visiting.  And, around sunup until I get up, they... make sure I don't sleep tight.  *grins*  Oh, it... can get my ire up.  When it does, they know how far they have to be for me not to grab them and irritate them for a while.  Oh, no hurting, just hugging.  Oh no!  The great ape caught me!  Although, once in a while, they think I am more asleep than they thought, or have to come a little too close.  Doesn't every poppa grab a daughter, give her whisker burns, and enjoy the capture?  Aye.

They did help, but it still took an hour or two.  Sometimes I appreciate their efforts, sometimes not so much.  This morning I was mixed about it.  Still, we actually had a pretty good morning.  I didn't have to kidnap, catnap?, them.  They came over for itches, petting, and such, and meowed in great joy.  Sassy was especially happy to get some attention, Sam was more jealous than anything.  All good.

I don't know what the temp is out there.  It was 73 upstairs, at least near me, with the windows open and fans going.  I am hoping to hit chores soon, I just don't want to walk out into a harshly cool morning.  As well, I fear all the kits will be dead.  Mother seemed to want nothing to do with them.  I did what I could, including putting her in with them.  She wouldn't stay.  I don't want to deal with it, but will have to before long.

I am hoping to do more today.  But that has been the hope for a while.  If I can do something today, it will be tearing down boxes in this front room.  That... is all I am going to plan.  If anything else happens, great.  If not, if I can just do this one thing.  Oh, well, getting trash out.  But I think I have it mostly out already.  I just need to get the bin to the curb.  A trim, shower, and shave would be nice too.

Good morning and day.

Fifty three days?

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From the day my bunny got pregnant, to delivery?  Her first litter, but still?  She gave absolutely no clues.  I had removed the kit box, but it was still out there.  Thankfully, for once, I was late doing chores.  It happens.  In this case, it was a very good thing.  She just started having them.  There were three, out in the cage.  All were, at that point, still alive.

I put the box in, put the kits in the box, and only hope she will deliver the rest in the box.  And, that she will care for the litter.  Everything is unknown, at this point.  I will check every half hour.  In case she delivers outside the box.  Or every fifteen minutes?  Yes, that.  I can only hope it all works out.

But how on earth does it take so very long to deliver?  The woman I purchased these from suggested they usually take 34 days.  But, for whatever reason, they seem to take a very lot longer than that, here.  I have two more does, hopefully, pregnant.  But, I am not sure how long they will take.  Both are new mothers.  I thought I had the senior doe pregnant, but no.  Bleh.  Tricky, right up until it isn't.

All I have done, so far, is chores.  So tired, hurt, uncomfortable.  A storm is coming through, as well.  The winds before it have become heavy, with serious gusts.  I suppose I did get the cages better protected, putting heavier logs on top to hold down the tarp... and adjusting that a bit, as well.

I still hope to get some work done today.  And, I think I will.  Brats and sauerkraut earlier.  A cheese sandwich or two later.  I'd better check to see if I have more lunch mean in the freezer.  I try to stock up when it's on sale, and either way, try to keep extra on hand.  In case I can't make it to the store.  My apocalypse was thirty four years ago.  I am... living through what you, your children, or somewhere along your line, will live through.  I have to... gather what I can, when I can.  Store, save, ferret things away.  If it were more orderly, I think people would be amazed at what is hereabouts.  Nothing fancy, but from leatherworking kit to, darning needles, to...  I can't have it all, but I can have... some of the little things.

Anyway... I'll check on that, and pull meats out to thaw while at it.  Since I won't be traveling, I don't need to worry about meat going bad.  Or how much to pull.  Later.  Or... not.

Slept like a baby.

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Woke like a truck drove over me in the process.  A major headache, some organ hurting like it had been bruised, several actually, and other problems.  Stuffed up, but can't seem to blow it out.  Ugh.  Neck is out, might or might not be the cause of the headach.  As well, I had cramps once last night, if I sorted out how not to get them again.

All good, it's... been... a while since anything hurt.  And, while extensive, each pain is yet mild.  I... really can't complain.  It not only could and can be worse, it will get worse.  But, that is okay as well.  Seriously, when you honestly love God, and know that He loves you too, these things are just... moments.  Reminders that we are not yet in conjunction.  I won't say I always suffer gladly, if there is a notion that way.  But I generally suffer wisely.  I understand it is the state of affairs men have chosen which has led to this, and God simply allowed us that choice.  As with the suffering and death of Christ, we can each become more through this process.  And, should it become excessive, I do contemplate His torture, cruxifiction, taking the price of our sins, and death.  This is... a walk in the park comparatively, at it's worst.  Amen.

Even feeling rough, I am hoping to try to get to that list presented yesterday.  I usually end up doing something, if not much.  Gotta get to it.  If nothing else, a little food, water, and tending the litter.  Not always guaranteed, but... mostly, at least those things.  I haven't had a tylenol batch in... months?  I guess today is the day.

It is 73 out there, with a hefty breeze... wind really, from the south.  Gusting?  No, pretty solid.  I have opened up the house, left the upstairs windows open.  Fresh air, can't beat it.  Reminds me of when we would go topside, on my sub.  We would, if we thought we had time, pop the ol' can and try to take in fresh air.  We had three or four atmospheres of stored, compressed, air, onboard.  But those would go through co and co2 scrubbers/burners, then we would create fresh oxygen to add to it.  But... it wasn't as good as fresh air.  Pop the can, ol' boy.  Get fresh.  As they say, as above, so below?

Good morning and day.

Nothing.

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It sure cooled off.  I don't want to turn on the furnace yet, and almost don't have to, quite.  But it is getting cool enough that I am dragging a bit.  There may still be warm days.  Or not.  Crazy weather of late, these last few years.  Or it will warm up and be more like a long late fall.  Difficult to know, if I suspect it will be slowly dropping, then plunging into winter.  If I were a betting man, that would be my bet.  Still, dragging.  It was 70, upstairs, with the windows open, in spite of hitting 77 a bit ago.  If I bet it has cooled a good deal since.  I closed the windows down here before it chilled.  Getting heat, and keeping it, is the deal now.

I did get the au gratin dishes cleaned, and used one for the shirred eggs.  It's a lot more convenient to make three eggs in one container, than have to use three small ramekins.  They are even able to be used under the broiler.  I used the last of the eggs.  I need gruyere anyway.  Wonderful.  I have more than I need, but this was the best price per even set, without being dubious looking.  I had planned to take a few to my mother.  I'm telling you, this is an excellent way to do eggs.  And eggs are very good for you.

That was it for the day.  Wait, no.  I did get a few smaller boxes broken down and out with a bag of trash.  They weren't recyclable, as I understand things.  If... that's... really still anything other than another fake thing.  With most of the plastic ending up in the ocean, and who knows what really happens to the rest of it, I... don't believe.

As well, a few cheese and deli beef sandwiches.  I may grill more chicken tonight... or tomorrow.  Hmm, I cooked bratwersts last night.  I could reheat those, and add sauerkraut.  I do love that.  It's not greatly filling, but... it does pretty good.  I was hoping to get a few more things done today, but the cool is throwing me.  Every time it dips, I move a little slower, or just become sedated?  Something.  If it stays cool, I may begin turning up the heat in the mornings, anyway.

The girls and critters are being fed well enough.  I am eatig well too, finally.  Mostly good food, too.  As well, smaller amounts of it.  I am trying, and usually, eating three times a day, if of no more than, say, 800 to 1,200 calories.  Not losing an ounce, if I'm not doing much to burn calories.  Though I would have thought just body systems would use more than that?

I'll keep trying.  Actually, I may push dishes through, tonight, so as to get a shower.  Then set up more dishes.  And, before that, perhaps trim my whiskers for a shave either after the shower or tomorrow.  Oh, I need to set up medicine, and get to it.  I keep stumbling.

An old friend, going back to school if very timidly, taking just one course, and as an audit not a full enrollment...  He is about the age I was, when I tried to go back.  It's... a tough gig, when you are over 30 and change.  Doable.  I even got a near perfect calculus II score, on a midterm.  Most of the class got about a 50%, the next guy got an 84%, I think I hit 97% but the grader made a mistake and gave me a 100%.  I even ended up with A 96% to 97% on all tests, quizzes, and homework.  But, I was only taking three engineering classes at a time, wasn't working, didn't have a family... if I did have a woman.  Ugh.  She was jealous of my schooling, turned off my alarm, on test days, and such.  I loved her, but she could be a pain in butt.

Oh, right.  Anyway.  I am encouraging him.  But, I have told him, if he is going to choose to go in, go all in or don't do it.  Which will mean sacrificing time and effort, perhaps coin.  A tutor really helps.  As well, there are video tutorials which can be purchased, basically for whole classes, or lines within classes.  I sent him an example.  I found them late, but they did help when I had to re-return after a two year hiatus.  Ugh.

So much for that.  It's about time to do chores.  Feed the girls again.   Get something going for my own dinner.  Clear and refill waterers and do the dishes while at it.  Get a trim, then shower, and?  Who knows.  I'll... do a few things, anyway.  Good evening, day, and night most likely.

Awake.

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Down very shortly after 22:00, up a bit after 04:00.  I need more sleep, feel it.  I just wasn't possible to stay down.  So very odd.  Windows open, but just upstairs.  It gets too cold if I leave the downstairs windows open.  It was a nice 71 near me, 68 generally, up there when I woke.

The bad news wasn't what I feared?  I still haven't heard.  Perhaps what broke, inside, was... just something breaking then?  It happens.  Don't know.  But it doesn't seem so.  The drive happened, just, he wasn't able to get back to town to pick me up.  Work, late, and perhaps trouble there?  Don't know.

I have continued to write, as usual.  I simply don't publish my writings.  I probably shouldn't publish this one, but there is a reason to put this out.  Several.  I am attempting to remove the... simpler... oh... journaling posts?  I think that is it.  Well, and the more negative ones.

One part, from the earlier post, I will add... a dream.  A man told me I was a terrible man, for saying, or thinking, the things I say, or write, or think.  I asked him if he thought I deserved punishment.  He thought so.  I asked him if living for 34 years, in such agony that I wanted to die most of the time would be enough?  Or having died three times, at least, but not being able to stay dead was good enough?  Or, maybe, being unable to survive on my own for that period.  Only living due to others?  And how terrible that really is?  I suppose you could bury me alive.  And, while, the death would be uncomfortable to the nth, there would at least be a definite finality to it.  I... don't think he cared.  Mean, he said.  Okay.

I am hoping to finish the dishes which were started, get more in, begin clearing counters, and getting boxes broken down and the last ones moved out to be broken down, over the next few days.  It'll happen.  I am keeping the bathroom up.  Trying other things.  Later, good morning, and good day.

A tale of a time.

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I am not sure I should present this.  It has been, pretty much, ready to go for days however.  So, I am letting it go.  Besides, perhaps the bad news isn't...  If it is, I... know that tale.  I live it.