A good meal.

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I have had a few meals, but not many.  And few have been well rounded.  Today I got that.  I had bacon which I wanted to fry in bulk.  Mostly because it was purchased in bulk.  Have you ever seen a deal that was far too good to be true, but your eyes insisted?  Well, that was the bacon.

I had been buying bacon parts and remnants.  Which was good.  Took more attention, when frying or else.  It also was in bulk, three pounds.  But, before, it would last until I finished it, if sealed and else.  The last two or three times, not so much.  It smelled off as soon as I opened the package.  I stopped doing that, dumped what stock I had after three misses.

This, however, was regular bacon.  Not just regular bacon, it was thick cut, beautiful, bacon.  Whole, long, pieces.  They hadn't trimmed to cut pennies.  And, it was three pounds.  I looked it over, looked at the ingredients, looked for every flaw possible.  The problem?  It was being offered at $10.  Usually, now, twelve ounces of the good stuff can easily cost that.  And... this... looked better than most bacon I have seen in some time.  So... I... doubted.

Doubted or not, my eyes told me to shut up and buy.  I told it to bugger off.  It told me, in that case, to buy two!  I thought to say something else, but didn't want to buy three.  Two it was.  One is in the freezer.  With the ducks, mom, and else, it has sat in the fridge for... a while.  Well, and I doubted.  Today was the day.

I baked, actually, the whole lot.  First, I smelled it when I opened the package.  I have learned, from the other bacon, that if it smells funny cold, it will stink up the house something awful while being cooked.  But it smelled... sweet.  Not the common euphemism, nor literally, but rightly.  A very nice smelling bacon.  As it should be.  Mild, even.

So, in it went.  I lined a sided cookie sheet with foil, set the oven at 350, and let it rip.  It smelled very good while baking.  Tasting a piece nearly right out of the oven, it tasted good.  Still not sure, I had some, later in the process, when it was cold.  No, this really is exceptional quality bacon.  Not too smoky, salty, not bad, or off, and so it was.

I used two pieces, diced, as the beginning of a shirred egg(s) gig.  Broccoli, bacon dices, a diced piece of munster cheese, two deli meat cuts sliced julienne, a few light spices, and twenty five minutes in the oven.  Having difficulty getting the whites to set and keep the yolks from getting too tacky.  I may separate the yolks and whites, and add the yolks for the last ten to fifteen minutes?  Maybe.  I like a runnier yolk, and a more firm egg white, than I am getting as is.  Still, I am sure it is done, but texturally it isn't... satisfying.  I really am pleased to have those au gratin dishes.  Perfect for about three to four eggs and else.

I ordered one last thing, maybe, for the month.  An air fryer.  Between my research, wants, and reviews from various sources, this brank was given good reviews.  It fits the bill.  Can't find one with everything I want, but I can find those with more or fewer items on my want list.

I wanted a non-digital one.  I found one, in the size and brand I was otherwise seeking.  I just knew it would cost a fortune, more than the other, just because that is how it often works.  Strangely, it was actually priced according to costs... meaning less, a lot less.  It was about two thirds the cost of the digital.  I think, with the other one, you could program your presets.  I'm not sure this one will do that, though I don't use presets on much else I have... Microwave, instapot, oven(?), toaster oven... I just don't use presets.  Though, if it was programmable?  I really might.  For very specific meals.  Perhaps even the shirred eggs.

Why buy all these tools and gadgets?  Because, especially for me, one might prove easier, or better, to cook a specific food or process.  I really need to eat, and I'm not doing that much better than I am taking medicine.  It... isn't to be fussy, or this, or that.  I just... can't remember!  I... I am tired.  So, having a few things around, which might allow me to eat, and possibly better than how I would otherwise?  I'm trying to not die, people.  Perhaps I should just give in, up, and let go.  But... I... won't.  I can't.  I feel that, as tough as it is, that God gave me this task until He decides otherwise.  So I will do my job.  The one thing I have left, until it is time or someone decides to fix the problem, on way or another.

Anyway.  It was a decent meal.  I now need to shower, then get trash out... maybe recycling.  Feeding and watering the critters after those things.  Though, a bit of time to get food settled.  It was a small meal, but felt like a feast.  It's... been a while since I have eaten much, or so it seems.  Later.

Part of it?

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I did stay up to midafternoon, about 15:30, perhaps an half hour later at most.  To bed, well, and slept until... I thought... 20:00.  I thought.  When I got downstairs, turned the machine on, and set at it, with almost nothing else happening before, it is 22:45.  I must have looked at the clock at 20:00, then slept a few hours and change more.  Good.

I had hoped to sleep until, say, 03:00 to 05:00.  But this is a start.  I have been shoving to move my sleep time around, with all I had, and it was doing nothing.  Even doing 24 and a 48 hour up shift did nothing to alter the situation, but did hurt like the dickens.  That's a special kind of pain.  Even the 24 hour ups can be difficult.

Can't always do those.  Only when desperate, which I sort of am.  I have been stuck in nights for too long.  I have learned to at least like the days, and it works with other people better... from calling family, to being informed, to... lots of things.  And, with the stores no longer being 24 hour, even getting to shopping becomes quite difficult.

Still, 15:30ish to 22:30ish is seven hours.  Not perfect, especially after pushing so often, recently.  But it's... something.  And, I am definitely up early enough to get the trash gathered and out.  Not sure about recycling, but I will have it ready, and may check around dawn to see what the neighbors are putting out.  If I am still awake.  Though pushing can create insomnia, where I can't sleep.  That and other stressors.

I never did cook.  Maybe tonight.  I have burger, chicken thighs, eggs, cheese.  The meats need to be cooked, tonight, if they are still good.  If not necessarily eaten.  Meat crumble is fine, for the week.  And, if I bake the chicken, not grill it, that should do well for cold or hot meals in the next few days to week.  Spice doesn't just add flavor, it adds longevity to the food.

I'll check on the critters soon.  Later.

Still awake.

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Some hopes.  Not much else will probably be done.  Chores, maybe a bit of laundry?  A shower.  Dishes?  Some of those, maybe but probably not all of those.  Chores have to be done.  The rest need to be done, are desired.  The main goal is to stay awake until early afternoon at least, perhaps to mid afternoon.

Actually, trash needs to get gathered and be put out.  If I am awake to midafternoon, I'll leave it.  If I roll beyond that, I will put it to the curb before bedtime.  Though I will set the alarms, even if I go to bed at midafternoon, definitely if bedtime is later.  I really should get a shower in, then hit chores.

I did call my mother today.  She asked for a call every other day, and begum, she'll get it.  She didn't answer, but that is often the case.  Turns out she was speaking with her sister, her youngest sibling.  I got to hear about that conversation.  Hmm, I need to get her and my last uncle's phone numbers.  I haven't spoken with them in some time.  They are two of the four, I knew best.

She, last week, was asked by another lady, to go to church.  And, she is going again this week.  Funny, I was going to ask her about that.  In a serious way.  Anyway, since she is going, I asked her to say a little prayer for me.  Just to remember me to Father, no favors or grants or reliefs needed.  Though, any troubles He might see Himself helping with would be appreciated.  He... knows what they are.

I also told her, if I passed first, in spite of my hopes and prayers, that she pray for my soul.  I would do the same for her.  I was just thinking, the last few days, how many souls I do pray for.  Family, friends, loves, and others.  If you die, and I find out about it, I will pray for you.  And, for what it is worth, offer some of my pain for your relief, specifically.  If you are in heaven, you won't mind.  If you are in hell, you'll probably be told, to no good.  If you are in purgatory, you will be eternally grateful.

So many souls receive prayers, and pain offerings.  I can't give what God does, but I can give what I have.  A strange reason to live, but there is that.  A well of pain, from whence to gift the suffering.  It is hoped.  Especially those I have hated, or wanted dead, or who deserve worse in my eyes.  Oddly, those I pray for the more.  There are none I would wish hell upon.  And, if in a last moment, a sinner could repent, enough to be forgiven?  I'd be more than good with that.  I know one who did just that.

It got down to 36, perhaps cooler as the sun was well up before I checked.  I don't think it froze.  Even with it being that warm, a freeze would still have been on the plants.  It was just a heavy due, or even remnants of rain.  But it was water, and sparkled like jewels.  It seems to be warming.  The storm has broken, the sun is out.  There is some wind, or heavy breeze, but bringing what seems to be a warmth.  It's a beautiful day.  I just wish I could be out and enjoy it.

Well, best get to something.  I am thinking, as well, shirred eggs.  With broccoli, deli meat, onion garlic and coriander powders, plus salt fresh cracked pepper and cheese.  After the shower, after chores... and I am hungry, so I should get to it.  Good morning and day.  I'll save good night for later, if I make it.

Oh... but first?  Something which... makes me question some things.

Never can tell.

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Some things popped.  Made me look, laugh, even think about crying.  Still, it's... been a... different life.  Is there such a thing as a normal life?  I am sure there are things that pass much closer.  Oh, I'd... love to have had a simple normal life.  Easy mode, at least from here and now, looks like... it would have been better.  But, who knows.

Then again, if I had lived a normal life, I'd think like you.  I'm... not sure I'd prefer that.  The whole universe is set on making everybody think alike, and actually is looking for one being or group of them which could survive, on it's own or in groups, and live almost anywhere.  I call it the modified Tower of Babel resonance.  If you believe in biological evolution, that is the only reason such a mechanism would exist.  If it exists, it is, most likely, unholy.  It's... a devil's thing, or demon's thing really.  But many of you have those things mixed up as well.

I think God wants actual diversity, but not of skin or hair or eyes, but of thought.  With only one right path, it may seem that the highway to heaven would be one way.  But one narrow path isn't always another.  It isn't even a virtuoso, as it is only through God anyway, not our feet.  Only our will, through His graces.  The broad, open, easy path that the many take?  Together?  Don't... go that way.  Though it's... probably too late to help most who are on that path.  Then again, I know, even my footing is shaky.  Always was, was even worse.  You have to even know there is a narrow path, and believe, truly, that there is a reason to take it.  It wasn't until I died that I knew.  Heck, until I died, I wasn't even sure I really believed... for some odd reason.

I keep thinking, why wouldn't people listen?  Ah, then I remember the story of Lazarus and the rich man.  Where, among other things, when the rich man dies, he ends up in hell.  He pleads for many things, including to come back, to warn his brothers for they are following his path.  God, or an angel, suggest that it will do no good.  For the man's brothers would not listen.  Then... it hits.  Still, I write about it.

Anyway.

I've been awake for a while...

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Just didn't check in.  I may have looked around the web?  No, I don't think I did that, either.  I haven't started chores yet, but will, soon.

It is still wet out there, but the last two times I checked, it was around 44 outside, day, much earlier, and then night, not long ago.  Though with it raining off and on, and else, it could drop or rise quickly.  If the storm blows out, to a clear sky, it could become frigid.  Unless it's from a warm south.  Or possibly the east coast?  Sometimes.

The rest of the squab... small chicken.  It used to also be called squab, though not sure if that is actually a different species, or a specific cooking process.  I ought to look that up.  Haven't heard the term used in a long time.  Mostly just hearing, reading, or seeing cornish game hens, or quail, or other types of bird.  I had half left, but that wasn't enough.

I also had three bratwursts, already cooked... grilled... to perfection.  A different brand from those which smelled and tasted bad last time.  These were good.  But I think I'll be avoiding brats until they... get the food supply back into trim.  With things they way they are, things are going to get rough, quickly.  Thankfully, I already, basically, cook from scratch.  And can definitely go more basic.  Well, and I eat very little.  I doubt it I have been eating 1,200 calories a days.  Then again, my metabolism is that of nearly the comatose.  So... I'm not losing any weight, in spite of being 260 to 300.  It... ranges.

Ah... medicine.  I really should get back on that.  I've been trying, with insulin.  But when I can do standard writing, here on the blog, chores, self care and cleaning, and maybe a bit more?  I can still lose a day or three.  I lost from Wednesday to Friday, totally.  A visitor let me know what day it was.  Saturday?  And, oddly still... Still Saturday?  Don't... worry.  It's just not being on the heart medicines.  I'll get those set up, today.  Gotta.  Still afraid of that new medicine.  It's a bit part of why I haven't set it back up.  Procrastination, when it isn't killing you, it might be saving your life or sanity.  Stop and thing, and don't start again until you have thunk well?  :p  Just... but... true.

Anyway...  I'm trying a few things.  Did set up a load of laundry, with one of the new long sleeve t-shirts... to see if it shrinks... or shrinks too much.  I'm doing it on medium heat, and will dry on low, but spin on a medium (the highest I do for anything but whites), if usually I wash on cold.  Once in a while, you have to get it good is all.

Maybe another load of laundry, a shower, dishes, and of course chores.  The girls were fed.  Their litter needs hit.  Ugh.  I'll try to get to things.  And catching the bathroom back up.  It's pretty good, just... Oh, and washing the walls in there?  I've never done that.  Would like to see how it goes in there.  Maybe paint in there, if it works out?  Maybe.  Later.

That... was fast.

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New material, almost immediately.

A woman or two?

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Snooping around.  Perhaps with good intention, maybe not.

Down, then up, as regular?

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Not sleeping a day didn't help anything with my schedule at all.  It hurt.  It was a tough thing to chew.  But I couldn't sleep.  Then again, I may be going back to bed shortly.

Raining out there.  It has been raining, off and on, for the second day running... if faculties are correct.  I haven't checked today, just the pitter patter, or more, on the roof, and the wet tire sound as people drive by.  It doesn't seem all that cold, but that rain would be.  I'll bet that is shockingly cold.

Called mother.  She still has some hope of getting out.  Memory problems are new, she says, but the leg weakness and palsy from it, are not new.  So at least part of it isn't the vax.  She says the leg has been becoming weak and causing her to shake when pushed too far for four years.  The memory issues?  Perhaps she had one or several small strokes.  She takes blood thinner, or did not too long ago.  I'll ask about it tomorrow.  May have saved her life.

Well, if she ever gets better...  I don't know though.  She was in a good mood, sounds chipper, and younger.  Having things managed makes sure she gets food and medicine.  She handles sleep.  It's not a bad gig, when memory and mobility have failed temporarily or... more.  I'll start calling every other day now.  And, maybe in time, she'll need fewer calls yet.  It's really up to her.  I think, just an outside voice, to remind her there is a world, and someone cares.  Short little hellos, a bit of news... rain on the way maybe, and such.

Yeah, I think I'll get the girls, then go back to bed.  So very tired.  Good evening, day, and probably night... again.

Never did get to sleep.

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All but Herc are gone.  I found Theseus.  He had been eaten, but only partly.  Again, I assume he was dead first.  He would have raised hell otherwise.  But the wound was rather superficial, it isn't what killed him.  The others are just gone.  Just... not able to sleep... or eat.  I keep thinking of cooking something, and may.

Windy, possibly stormy, out there.  It sounded like a rare thunderstorm passed.  This isn't the Midwest.  These last a few moments to a few hours, not days.  I wish I had been in the mood to go look.  It is one of my favored weather patterns.  I still hear a rumble, from time to time.

I suppose, I will keep Herc locked in.  I will just feed and water him in there.  The problem is, he can get out.  I literally cannot contain him, unless he chooses that.  Unless his wings were clipped.  Though, maybe not even then.  There are a few ways he could yet get out, without flight.

Some of what I ordered, in order to process a few of the birds, is being returned.  The big ticket item will be the real question.  It wouldn't be a bad item to have, for a plethora of reasons.  Though, reasons I couldn't see myself needing.  I would never make 20 gallons of jambalaya, shrimp, crawdads, or such.  Though I could see trying a quarter of that?  Crawdads, I really do like them.  Shrimp too, if those are out of my price range anymore.  If probably crawdads as well.  They canceled the even bigger once, the 25 gallon one, but not this one.  I had planned to use one to scald, and one to wax... if it had worked out.

The girls are closer to being back on feed, and in better shape.  Twitchy, though.  They have been eating better, and so I have been feeding them more, or more often.  Sam can't eat a lot, but she can eat often.  I try to help her.  But even Sassy is still eating less than usual.

It may, or may not, be bedtime soon.  I thought I'd be in bed... many hours ago.  I may make something to eat, get a shower while that is working to finish, then get some dishes in, before going to bed?  Unless I collapse, all sudden like.  Or... later?  Who knows.

A few calls, but... not succesful.

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Too tired to make sense of things, at this point.  With critters, pets and else, fed, including the ogre sized one, it is as much as I can do.  I made it to 15:23, so far.  I really won't be doing anything.  However, as tired as I am, simply shutting up and locking down will be a slow laborious process.

The girls keep begging for food.  I get them food, treats, and their dry food is plentiful.  Then I wonder if it is their litter, but... no.  I just changed it, and have cleared that twice this night.  I may do it again before bedtime.  Just... to be sure.  Their water?  No, that was refreshed just last night.  Hmm...  It isn't too cold.  It is 76 in this front room, who knows outdoors.  It is a pleasant day.  I just don't get them, sometimes.  And, I have been giving them attention.  I failed on that, for a few days.  A dark deep depression hit.  Part of it was the ducks, some smaller parts were the changing season, well, and mom's situation.  Sure, safe.  But... not free.  Not at all.  And... more.  I do worry about her.

I am coming out of it.  Haven't been in good shape for a long time.  But, I don't hurt, much, usually.  I am not even numb, mostly.  There is pain in the background.  I can, usually, keep it there.  Not consciously, I think.  I suppose, at one time, it took focus.  Now I do it as if a natural skill.  I wonder what all the stuff my body creates and sends through does over time?  You can't afford painkillers like those my body makes.

Anyway... It is about bedtime.  I'll get some things sorted then head on to bed.  I have a window open, will probably keep it open if it isn't too cold (or hot).  Fans running too.  I like fresh air, even if it happens to be a bit chill.  I can deal with the cold better than I can stale air.  Good afternoon, day, and definitely good night.  Amen.

A bit.

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Only a small meal, if I am thinking of making something else this morning.  Perhaps shirred eggs?  I really need to get gruyere.  I want to try that with them, and other things.  The girls are eating a bit better, if not great.  The ducks and rabbits have been tended.  Oh, best do another round of litter clearing and feeding.  Oh, and probably get fresh water for the girls.

I called mother this morning.  She... does get confused.  They are working with her on memory, and walking, and other things.  She is doing her best.  She asked me to call, and is asking me to call daily.  So I do.  I have no problem doing that, I just don't want to be a pest.  When I call may vary, and there may be days were it is difficult for me to be awake at the right time, and when she is awake and available.  But I will try.  She is pleased, I could tell.

Eating well, for now.  Her medicine is scheduled and on time, the right doses, and all.  Life is easier, for now, for her.  But she is lonely, especially with the lockdown.  I am happy to be a part of her life, more than before, as I am able.  It gives her something to look forward to.  I think she has a smart phone, and a video call capacity.  I need to, again, have her tell me which program it is, and obtain it, for sure.  I think I have it, but... need to check, and then get it set up.  If I am in poor shape, I won't video.  But, sometimes, we can do that.  Will be an incentive to be clean, presentable, and dressed daily.

A few calls this morning?  Maybe.  Bills, a few.  Plus to check about giving the drakes muscovys away.  I'll miss them, but they have no hens.  And, too close to process.  I just can't, won't.  The indian runners are back to a better mood.  They will never be safe, but... that is the way it goes.  Though, with all of them surviving?  I am wondering if they weren't considered a problem?  Or where they simply not where the other were?  Or, they saw it coming, beginning, and found a different place to be?  Odd.  Same with the drakes.  Not sure...  I suppose I will never know.

I am trying to stay up a bit longer into today.  It is in the 50s, but I can't remember if it's low or mid...  Not quite up to checking again.

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Forgot to post this earlier, when it was written.  Just... wandered off and... did a few things?  Anyway...  Looks like I'll make it to noon, if I won't do anything else.  A fatted coffee and a few cheese sandwiches will do for supper... breakfast... lunch... brunch?  Depends on who's time and standards are being used.  Good morning, day, and night.

Ah, I am awake.

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Woke very late, nearly 20:00.  Dark, so very dark out there.  I kept trying to wake.  I simply couldn't rouse from sleep fully enough to rise.  Oh, I tried.  It was like being encapsulated in a web of sleep.  Pleasant, mostly, just... inescapable.  It was 70 up there, so it isn't cold holding me down.  It just is what it is.

Chores pretty quickly.  As well, a load of laundry had been forgotten in the washer yesterday.  Still smelled fresh, so I simply added it to the dryer.  Litter got hit, first thing.  As well, the girls were fed.  Not a lot, but a good start.  It ended there, though.  I am hoping to get to more, but dragging like an anchor, loosed and on the bottom.

The long sleeve t-shirts I ordered arrived.  I'm afraid how much they will shrink.  While I don't wash things on hot, usually tap/cold, there is always that possibility.  They have larger sizes, but the prices go up by a third for the next size.  I am hoping these will work.  These, plus long underwear, then pants or pj bottoms, and socks and shoes, should have me warm enough.

It took decades for me to be able to focus on the cold.  Though, with diabetes, it seemed warm enough.  I don't think it was, it just... wasn't noticed.  The cold takes it out of everyone.  Then again, who knows.  Maybe I really was handling the cold well, it was just the untreated heart which kept me down.  Actually, I suspect that was the truth.

The ducks still had food.  And their water was clean.  So, when I did the rabbits, I just shut and locked the door.  All good.  I didn't call about having someone take them, but will.  The rabbits were okay.  But, caught a mouse in their feed out there again.  Reminds me, I need to get some mouse traps going.

However, I am not just hitting one type.  I will be using three types.  The water traps, standard mouse traps, as well as a formula trap... actually using two 'recipes'.  The first recipe will be adding plaster of paris to flour.  The other recipe adds baking soda (or powder?  I think soda) to the flour.  The first hardens up inside them, they can't pass it, and it kills them.  The second?  They can't burp or fart.  Bon appetit.  I figure, with so many variations, they will mostly get taken out.  Who knows though.  

Traps of all sorts will be set outside.  Only the water bath and regular traps will be set inside.  I'm not sure what might happen if the girls ate a mouse with either of the ingredients.  The girls don't seem to be eating mice anymore, someone might be spreading poison, and they just won't eat them after a few bad experiences.  Or they just like their food better.  Though they really have slowed their consumption of that food.  I am wondering if it is bad?  I don't know what else to do, though.  What else to feed them.  I really can't afford better, and different?  It's all from China.  If China has fallen and is just shoveling trash out?  Yeah, I don't know.

On to a few cheese sandwiches and a fatted coffee.  Should be good enough.  While it isn't, technically, cold yet.  It is actually feeling a bit chill.  Even 72, in this front room near the computer, with lower humidity, seems rather chill, almost cold, if I am wearing sports shorts, even with the long sleeve t-shirt.  I'll put something warmer on, perhaps after a shower.

Hoping to do a bit of work tonight.  Getting a few small loads of dishes going, seeing about more laundry, and breaking down boxes?  That's sort of the goal.  Plus food.  Cheese sandwiches to start off, but something baked or grilled later... chicken, cornish game hen, burger crumble for more taco salad, or a roast if that was thawed... something warm.  Later.

Not... much.

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I grilled the ribs, baking them first.  Just grill finishing them.  Perfect, or... as good as I can do.  For as mediocre as they were, to my tastes, I still finished them.  Then again, they cost less than a meal at a fast food joint.  Meh.  I think it was just the change.  

I have pork chops and roasts fairly often.  As well as my other foods.  I really only eat about... four or five types... okay, seven or eight types of meats and cuts.  Burger cooked into crumble... as well as other ground meats if the price is right... roasts of really only two sorts, beef chuck and pork butts (shoulders, and boneless or bone in depending on mood and prices)... chicken, of various sorts and parts or whole, brats and other sausages, and just a few other things.  Well, and canned tuna, and other fish, but those don't really count.  More health food than meats, really.  And I'd do more offal, but finding it is impossible.  I check, frequently.  Nothing.

So, yeah.  I think just... meat off the bone, too.  That is something I really enjoy.

The chores, this morning.  I had to stay awake longer, to get to it.  But, with locking the birds in, I really want to let them out in the morning.  And I needed to do that, as they won't drink or eat after dark anymore.  The indian runners have gone through two slaughters now.

I'll be calling the people I bought them from, to see if the would take them.  I can't eat them, but they may do as they wish... I'd rather not know.  Good breeders, but doubt if they need that.  I'll call this evening.  Having a heck of a time with days and nights getting messed up.  I can't seem to push that around much.  Tried an all-nighter, a couple of times.  Didn't click.  I'm stuck.

I'll call my mother tonight.  More to check in on her.  I'll try to call several times a week.  I can't do much more, but I can attempt to do that.  They are continuing physical therapy, at least.  But that covid lockdown?  They won't even let them leave the building.  Rotten things they are doing.  They know better, too.

A shower, as a last thing.  Oh, and I did get their litter reset, and am feeding the girls well.  They just aren't eating.  Not even Sassy, I noticed.  Very strange.  It hasn't gotten cold yet, either.  I just don't know.  I really wonder if they didn't see the killings, and it is bothering them.

Anyway... on to bed.  Hmm, may try to call my mother yet this morning.  If that fails, then I will call this evening.  Good morning, day, and for my part good night.

Actually...

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Trash bagged, and out... with the old litter.  Bigger job than it sounds.  That litter, when full of piss and vinegar, weighs a hellalot.  Plus what else was in the bag.  Then chores.  The ducks are all still there, the ones remaining, no new returns that I could see.  But they wouldn't come out in the night.  I decided to shut their hutch, at night, from now on.  They looked tucked in and comfortable.

The rabbits are all okay.  Normal, to less, food and water is being eaten.  Just checking on critters once a day, now.  Though I am going to try to get that done in the morning, as I go to bed.  Dark is upon us, and I can't seem to wake in time to do chores before sundown.

It is just at 64 out there, rather warm.  Though, September has always been one of those hit or miss months, like April and May.  Even October here will dither, at least until right around the end of it.  Usually get our first real taste of cold about then, give or take a week of the end, and lasting a day to a week, sometimes longer?  As I remember things.

A shower, after I catch my breath.  The girls have been fed, their water changed.  I may do treats.  Sam still isn't eating much.  She... is... failing... hard and fast.  She does this every start of the cooling down.  One year, soon, she just won't be able to kick it back over.  If she can't eat, she won't last.  I'll do what I can for her.  I don't euthanize, not pets.  Livestock, sure, but not pets.  It's... a blessing, and a curse, to be loved by some.  Treat others, and pets are others, as you would have yourself be treated?  Mostly.  

At one time, I would have had myself put down.  And they tried as diligently as I did.  The heart transplant offer wasn't a gift, it was a conclusion.  Thankfully, we aren't required to accept extraordinary medical procedures.  Though, that was a sin, anyway.  Anyone who would have pushed it, on a religious grounds, given the circumstances, would have been as guilty as medicine of a mortal sin as myself attempting suicide.  So... no.  And, no, she will live until she dies, naturally.  Some things shouldn't be in the hands of man.

Wisdom isn't a gift.  It is something that may come, if the gift of faith is nourished, grown, and leads to other things... one of those things being wisdom.  As well, wisdom isn't ours, any more than, currently, immortality, sinlessness... sainthood, or many other things.  But, if one is looking upon the Creator, in humility, with love, and in faith, these... things... graces... find us.  No other way, I think.

Anyway... I'll get going after a break.  It's only 72 in here, near the computer, probably 70 everywhere else.  But it seems warm.  The bit of work, which requires some weight to be moved, got the engine going.  Now it has to shut down, so I can cool off.  A shave?  Nah.  Though maybe a trim, for tonight.  

Oh, and something to eat.  I have meat thawing, but I have leftovers from the taco salad.  I got the heat just right, last night.  A perfect, keto, little meal.  I'll have to fix something later.  I bought a rack of ribs, maybe that.  Expensive, but I only eat a quart of it at a time, meaning that $13~$14 for the rack will end up being $3 and change per meal.  I... can do that.  Even if it only lasted two meals, especially if it was the only meal of the day, that would be doable too.  I did get barbeque sauce.  None of them were great, health wise, but, for now, they will do.  Two different brands to try.

I still like soda water.  But I may be drinking too much, all at once.  The brand I had been using only arrives, at least priced reasonably enough for my budget, in 16.9 ounces (1 pint, .9 ounces, or 500 ml).  Or in double that.  I can drink even the big one, but probably shouldn't.  So, I found a type which comes in 11.45 ounce cans.  To try.  I could chug too much fluid that way, but may be more willing to sip... both because of some realizations as well as due to not wanting to get up for more.  I could, and will sometimes, grab two at a time, or one of the bigger ones.  But, hopefully, with the plan at reduction in place, I... might... do better.  Keep the ankles from swelling so much, or around drinking time...  Ugh... the things you have to do after you body begins to harshly fail.  More and more systems begin to have problems.  At least, for now, I can still digest a larger burger.  Bleh.

Later.  *smile*

A bit of gaming, to try to cool.  Later.

Awake, and hoping to get at things.

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Winded.  With the ducks being murdered and mom going in, I... had a bit of a downspell.  Nothing fancy, just... a time of grieving.  It could have gone on longer, but I realized the cat litter needed changing, badly.  And Sam, too, is terribly off her feed.  I'm not sure what to do about all of it, but I could and did change their litter.

I noticed last night, and wanted to do it, but didn't have anything left to do it.  Spent.  I wasn't sure about this morning.  It bothered my sleep all night.  A guilty conscience will do that.  But that same guilty conscience made simply waking difficult to do?  Very odd, but, yes, it did.  Waking, finally, at about 19:00.

I left the door to the downstairs open.  I think that was a mistake.  It kept it 70, up there.  Which is warmer than the new normal.  Which, itself, might have caused sleep problems.  I had gotten used to the mid to low 60s up there.  But that would have, at that temperature, just been a mild added difficulty.

As mentioned, cat litter was changed.  I went to feed the girls, but they disappeared?  I'll look for them shortly.  Very odd creatures, of late.  I do wonder if they saw the ducks being murdered, and it has bothered them.  Sam is the only one who had some interaction with them.  And, while they weren't perfect neighbors, I think, over time, they grew on each other.  She liked the babies, at least until they started going through the ugly duckling syndrome.  But, even then, she... knew who they were.  They became friends, too, of a sort.  As with me, at a distance.

A shower, then chores... when I can.  Then boxes, dishes, and maybe a load of laundry.  Some of the things I ordered, for processing, need to go back.  They will fight tooth and nail, some may charge for a return, but... so be it.  I will not be going with ducks, if I ever go back with animals of any sort.  That was too much of an investment and hit.  And, sleeping like I do, too easy a target for whoever wants to do me harm.  The rabbits aren't safe.  Law can't, and possibly won't, help.  It's just the way it is.

Well, on to a shower.  I'll... get more upright as I get over it.  Later.

Mother is in the home.

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Apparently, she did get in to see her doctor, and was given access to the nursing home.  So far from both myself and my brother.  I don't even think the town has a hotel.  Further, they are on complete covid lockdown.  No visitors, no getting out, no going anywhere, nothing.

Both my brother and my mother called, about midafternoon.  I was still asleep, and remained so until... 18:00?  Nearly 19:00?  Somewhere in there.  She left a message.  My brother called twice, but did not leave a message.  I did call my mother back, but her phone was off, went directly to messaging.

I have a suspicion her guy will end up in a home, soon, too.  There, or elsewhere, I can't say.  They seem to have a lot of room in the nursing home.  But that could change in a moment.  Though, as locked down as they are, I suspect a lot of older folks are just avoiding being in prison.  Better to die at home, with some options, then to be stuck in a place where no one can even visit?  If they have a lot of room, probably so.  Mother just had no choice.

Another duck, at least, has returned.  I haven't been out to do chores yet, so I don't know if any others have returned.  I now have three indian runners, unless they were dead.  I haven't seen the muscovy.  I... am nervous about checking.  They have plenty of food and water, even from feeding yesterday.  They eat quite little, with so few and all adults.  Perhaps shaken, as well?

I haven't called about giving the muscovys away, but will.  I can't eat the named ones.  Won't.

Dinner is about ready.  A taco salad.  I've been making it spicy.  The first time, it was a bit hot even for me.  The second a bit mild.  This time, I am hoping, it will be just right.  Still, enjoying some heat, back on the menu.  Even if I can't use more than half the salad box, I am still coming out well ahead.  And, just about any protein, from leftover chicken, to fresh burger crumble, to grilled pork, goes very well with the lettuce.  Sometimes I don't even use dressing.  Actually, usually I don't use dressing.  Plus, the cucumber slices and cherry tomatoes, and even carrot shreds, really add a little something something to what would be a very plain meal otherwise.  Worth every cent.

I best eat, then get to chores.  Later.

Four ducks, for the time being.

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Two indian runners, and the two main drakes.  Heracles and Theseus survive, Theseus returned overnight or this morning.  As is, one pan of feed is enough for all of them, probably for days.  Adults really don't eat all that much.  After burying the dead, I thought to have another hole dug.

I am not sure if the drakes will fight over the hen.  Or all try to ride her.  I have the hole in case I need to put the indian runners down.  Being named, I am not willing to eat the two drakes.  I am going to see if the woman I bought them from would take them.  To eat, or for their stock.  Both were from their group.  Free for the taking.  Well fed, large drakes.

So far I haven't seen the indian runner in distress.  The muscovy seem to have no interest in her, and Henry... the indian runner drake... doesn't seem to be pestering her too much, so far.  If a week goes by, assuming they aren't finished off by who or whatever, I'll just fill in the hole.  I really didn't want to have to cull, but that may still be the only choice.  Time will tell.

I wonder if they will kill the rabbits next?  Cats?  There is another possibility.  They may have killed the animals because I am being much more careful, locking up the house, and finding more secure ways of living.  This may be punishment for locking them out.  Drugs here, and anywhere, close and far, it seems.

I called my mother.  She will be going in Monday, or checking on seeing her doctor as soon as possible.  She keeps trying to walk without her walker?  I can't be sure.  Sometimes she says it is when she isn't using it, sometimes she say she falls when it is there.  If it's both, there is no chance.  If she refuses to use it all the time, it doesn't matter if it works or not.

Just waiting to hear what the doctor says.  I suspect what will be suggested, or just done.  If the walker works, I just wish she would use it.  Her house is plenty able to manage it.  Even her guy's home should be mostly able to handle a walker.  Ugh...  I'll know more when she knows more.

A new game.  I still haven't finished Minecraft.  But I needed a break.  So much of it is broken, at least on ps4.  The mechanics and systems just don't work.  Though, who knows, maybe yt is even more b.s. than it ever was, and only allows false information, even for games?  Who knows.

I am gaming to stay awake a bit longer, and now to keep my mind off other things.  Sam went missing, for a while, tonight.  And I was worried I'd need to go looking for her body.  Eventually she woke, and came out.  I fed her hour after having fed Sassy, but had held off feeding Sassy for hours hoping Sam would show up or knock at the front door, or... something.

Ever sit, waiting for the next shoe to drop?  Yes, that is what I am doing.  Later.

Someone killed almost every duck.

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Last night or early this morning.  Most of them have no blood on them.  Did they kick them, run them over on foot, hit them with something?  Hercules and and one of the indian runners is all I could find alive.  Right near butchering time.  They aren't loud.  As far as I could tell, they didn't go into neighbors property.  This was just an evil.  There is no excuse for it.

It isn't just me, who thought so.  Another neighbor believes they were killed by a human.  None were torn, bleeding, just necks and backs broken.  Thought I should call the sheriff, but there is nothing they can or would do.  I'm not sure how much they were worth, but it isn't just value.

It wouldn't surprise me if they kill the rabbits next.  There isn't a whole lot I can do to protect them, or even myself.  So be it.  Going to see about burying them here, on the property, somewhere.  This was their home.  I wonder if it was a pro-vaxxer.  Seriously, they... are becoming evil.  Later.

My brother called.

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A bit peeved that I am not waking until midafternoon or later.  Keep your phone on, he says.  I need my sleep, and this is how it is.  Why can't you just be like...  I told him my heart was bad since before I left the Navy, they knew it, did nothing.  Planned to let me die.  Left it untreated for three decades, nearly.  I told him to look up a bad heart, see what it does, how it can be treated, what happens to a guy if it goes untreated.  I don't have choices.

He kept saying he was just trying to talk to me.  No, he was trying to tell me to be better.  Some things will never get better.  I am one of them.  He'd say that as a defense, then go right back to trying to tell me to be awake earlier and to have my phone on all the time.  Clueless.  I can see why he got the jabs.

If I could be up, awake, and going, regularly, I would have a job.  Even just a sit job.  I'd be out doing... something... anything... if I could keep a normal schedule.  You don't understand?  Of course you don't.  Until you do, then it is too late.

Anyway... mom keeps falling.  And her guy can't help her.  He has to call in help, which isn't always available.  The jabs took her feet right out from under her.  He, and even she, is starting to think she will have to go in, to the nursing home, permanently.  I... suspected this was coming, hoped it would be a bit off.

She is, I am told, going in Monday.  To see the doctor.  While she hasn't, so far, hurt herself much, she is heading that way.  Eventually something will break.  She simply doesn't have the strength, or coordination, to walk.  Not sure if the walker is not enough, or if she pridefully refuses to use it all the time.  I just don't know.  If even the walker is a problem, then... that is pretty much it.

He wants me to go visit her.  As before, I really don't have the money.  I could have ordered less kit, but that wouldn't have allowed me to afford the trip.  It would have gotten me halfway, one way.  I simply don't have to money to just go.  Or I would probably already have been there.  Then again, there isn't much I can do.  I am not sure, actually, I could help her up.  Not anymore.  Not alone.  And, not sure what I can do about emptying her house.

He was thinking I sell things.  In Iowa?  First, her goods aren't... top quality.  They aren't terrible, but just... normal... for Iowa.  They don't have worth.  Probably charity, if they would take them.  At least she no longer has a pet.  That would have been the most difficult part of anything.  Even packing up anything?  That would be quite a bit of work.  I could help, I couldn't do it solo.  I... really... am not sure what my brother expects, wants.  I would mostly be there to see her, possibly a last time.  Help with the removal of her things, but I couldn't do it solo.  I don't even have a truck, or a destination.

I don't know.  I would do what I could, be with her, give her hugs, and, basically, say goodbye.  The chance I will outlive her is getting better.  That will probably be about all I do for her, the last thing I do for her.  Aging and dying is difficult, having your few people do that around one, is far more difficult.  I would like to stay, a while... visit daily, then every other day, until she is settled in.  But, with this fake covid stuff, I wouldn't even be able to visit.  They really are forcing old people to die alone, and forgotten.  Evil.

Well... enough.  I'll think about things, if the choices and options aren't all mine.  Later.

Can... never tell?

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A story in songs?  Seemed like it.  Who ever knows.

Chicken, thighs, grilled.

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Ah, this time just right.  Last time they were, to me, slightly undercooked.  Now, with chicken, I want it done.  Just done, but completely done.  I used to overdo it.  For fear.  And, if I must go one way or the other, overdone is better than underdone.  Still, when I write underdone?  It... was done, just not more more done.  I cook it as close to overdone as possible.

The goal is to make it done enough that there is no blood in the meat, at all.  None.  And, yet, it is still juicy.  I have my spices!  So, with salt and pepper were added garlic, onion, and coriander powders.  Perfectly spiced.  Not too strong, not weak.  Just... a fine dusting of the mix over each.

Oh, I had ground cumin.  I couldn't remember what I used that for, but knew it was important to me, and my cooking choices.  So I opened that.  Definitely NOT for chicken.  Ah, but... yes...  I use it in Mexican dishes.  It is sort of the non-hot chili flavor.  And... more.  It is essential to my taco meat seasoning.  I couldn't find any other brand I liked, so I had gone without during this so-called pandemic.  Now that I can walk into the store, here, I... am back in stock.

Oh, I have been thinking...  I should stock up on my preferred spices.  Who knows what the government(s) are going to do, or try, next.  I'd like to get three packs of many of these... well... four or eight spices and herbs... and get them into a better container (don't trust plastics for long term, at least general plastics).  Then, get them somewhere cool and dry.  Do it soon, I have a feeling our governments are going to try something soon.

I did order some, most, of the items for processing.  Well, for a start?  I may need another bit pot for waxing, if I am going that way.  I do have a few 24~28 quart pots, but I am not sure those are big enough.  I ordered an 84 quart pot, with a draining insert.  I may, in the end, if I wax, need two.  Though, I am hoping, a smaller pot will do.  My only problem is, I am not sure paraffin is safe to use on birds, or in pots to be used for food?  Something about paraffin being toxic?  There are other waxes, though.  Ugh...  Still, a smaller pot might be enough, just for melting paraffin/wax, and dipping the birds in.  Since I won't be dunking down in, scalding to the skin, and such.  Actually, just dipping the bird in, getting the wax on, the having a cooler with cold water to harden the wax to put them in next... as I have it.  Who knows.

But... for now... I have cones coming (should be the right size)... killing cones, to drain the blood through, a big pot, and a few other items... some small and larger butcher knives.  Well, and already ordered, duck wax.  I would like to try this comparing other waxes.  It is somewhat expensive.  My job, should I choose it, is to find the easiest, yet most economic, method of dispatch and processing.

I really think they have about another month to go.  I may, when what was ordered arrives, try a few birds to test it all.  Or some of it.  To see how well the birds are doing, compare to later processing, and get an idea of what I am looking at, at various stages of the birds' aging and else... to try to get an idea when best to process.

Nothing back from anyone called.  Then again, it is a Friday, it was later in the day.  Perhaps there is nothing they have to say, maybe they were just busy, and ready to go... or already gone... somewhere.  Business can wait when let off the leash.  I... get that.

I did call my mother, as well.  Still a bit worried.  Hoping she can find her way.  She, too, is worried.  I still think it was those damned shot that took her legs, and more.  I really think that is part of why they are being given.  The worse it gets, the more they beg for more shots... as they mentally diminish... and demand everyone else get them.  It's... a terrible thing.  It's a plot right out of a horror movie.  But the more I am reading and seeing, the more sure I am.  Especially ignoring natural immunity, and giving it to children who have almost no reason to fear this disease, but many reasons to fear the shot.  I can attest, heart problems are for the rest of their lives, and will break them.  You don't want to go there.

Still, she trusted the government, and followed peer pressure.  Remember when our parents used to ask if one of our friends ran off a cliff, would we join them?  Well, we know their answer now.  So sad, really.  What is worse, as they diminish, they... completely loose the capacity to realize they were duped.  But, it really isn't her fault.  She was raised in a time where there was some trust in the government, medicine, and the news.  Those times are simply gone.

Well... on to... something?  Three thighs were great, but... not quite enough.  I'm thinking, perhaps, steaming some cauliflower and broccoli, adding butter, and later a few cheese sandwiches.  Hmm, yes.  And, getting a shower, and dishes started... then checking over laundry.  And, best clean the bathroom again.  Work on the drywall has left a bit to be swept.  Nothing too bad, just a short cleanup.

Later.

Up, and at it, but so late.

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My days are slowly being eaten by sleep.  I can't be sure when I went down, I think well after five, but not quite six?  Went down hard.  Dreamed of... fathering dozens of children.  What a terrible yet wonderful dream.  Dozens?  Scores.  Busy night, but whatever.  Just... dreams, as difficult as that was.

Awake at 16:00?  A bit before?  Maybe a quarter before, if I had to lay odds.  Chores first thing.  Then a few calls.  Bird processing.  One call I, mostly, got through.  To an associate, but not the boss.  If they will do it, though, it would cost, at least, $15 per bird.  Which... is a bit high.  The final answer on that went to phone messaging.  As did the other call, but directly without any information at all.  Still, the search has begun.

I may end up having to just do them myself.  It will cost, nearly in gear, what they are pricing.  But, with the gear, it is one and done... unless I use wax.  Paraffin wax, if it works, isn't too bad.  But the actual duck wax, if it is required, is pretty pricey.  And, actually, domesticated ducks require their own kind of wax, as being fed, they have thicker feathers.  Though whether it is feeding, or breed, is another question.

Still, all good.  I will be ordering some or all of the parts needed for processing birds, though.  Gotta, in case nothing falls through.  I figure another month, or two, to feed them out.  They are slow growing, for good or ill.  Now, as well, to get rabbits breeding, and get the other pen up, mostly for the males.  I need more of the bigger cages for does and their kits.  Males don't need, or even generally want, more room.

A start.  It's a bit rough this morning.  I did have to get through a wall of pain to wake, but it seems to be easing.  A few painpills, just to try to tame that.  It's been a rough week, I'll take the painpills today, but then go another week without, if required.

Hmm, best get the cat litter, cats fed, and then something for myself.  Then a shower, shave, and on to dishes?  Maybe.  Boxes?  If possible.  Yea, I'll... try to get going again today, pain or no.  After the good start, I think there is reasonable cause for hope, in faith.  Amen.  Later.

Can't really get going.

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Stuck, sitting here, looking at the machine.  So tired, still a bit sore, but oddly warm.

Perhaps a bite to eat, something to sip... water, perhaps the kombucha, maybe a fatted coffee, tea?  Cool, something cool sounds better.  The rest of the beef.  Sometimes roasts are good, sometimes they are a bit rough.  I guess, as with the former USSR, we are supposed to be happy to have irregular quality, sometimes very poor quality, sometimes possibly dangerous food.  We should just be grateful with what the state provides?  Allows?  Forces?  Whatever.

Still, this last roast, and sets of food, were good.  But I will be checking brats.  If they all smell funny, right after thawing, I'll throw them and not buy more.  I can't afford to be ripped off like that.  Those were bought two, maybe three weeks ago, were frozen when I got them, remained frozen until I thawed them, and used immediately the day, probably hour, they thawed, and they... and the last batch... smelled funny and tasted dangerously bad.  Brand name, too.  Never had that before, not interested in the risk.  Too expensive, don't have the money to throw away like that.  A good deal, if they are good.  A very bad deal if rotten.

Yes, I get a bit unhappy about some things.  Oh, I'll probably make chicken thighs this evening, grill them.  I have ground corriander and onion back in stock, too!  Oh, that really does add just a bit of pop to the garlic, salt, and peppper already added.  And, sometimes, carolina reaper flakes and a few other heat sources, to... spice it up from top to bottom.  I really don't like it burning hot, just... with... smiling green eyes of heat?  Something.  Check.

Hmm, could look for that number.  Moving so slow.  Still a bit achy.  But the pain isn't direct.  It's more residual from yesterday.  And, tired, from hauling the grain while not feeling well, hurting.  Still, pleased to have done it.  Would like to do more.  Just... not much, not today.  Good afternoon and day.

Oh... a funny.  From... relatively recently.  I didn't know they could legally tell jokes, funny ones, anymore.

Oh... help arrived, and this post got mislaid for... four hours?  It ends up, his friend didn't want to go with, tonight.  So, I went with.  A final night.  But, before that, a bit of drywall patching and fixing the water heater.  Ends up it wasn't the water heater, proper, itself, which as leaking, but a connector pipe.  That has been changed, the other one needs to be, and will be soon.  So... the water heater is back, mostly, in trim.  Just another piece to replace.  While it is working, currently, it is quickly headed toward failure.  I can do that.

Just returning.  It ended up being much later, for a number of reasons.  Still, all good.  Done for the season.  House repairs for the month were completed, and all was paid.  Life is good, even if things hurt, from time to time.  As long as I can get what needs to be done, and paid, done and paid... I'll worry about else when I must.  Good day, and night.  I'll try to get to bed shortly, but it might not happen.  Good night, anyway, in hope.

Up, late, but at it.

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I had meant to get a shower in, first thing.  To help warm up, as well as to use it to push off.  Well, I don't need the warmth.  It is 64 upstairs and outdoors (I think, outdoors, or 62? gah!  memory sucks this morning), with a window open and fan, if on low, going all night, 66 in this front room, and 70 everywhere else.  But I am quite warm.

Still, eventually, I would like to get a shower today, maybe a shave.  Already trimmed, so shaving should be an easy job.  As well, a few phone calls, if I can find the numbers.  Bleh.  Checking on processing ducks, maybe taxes.  As well, beginning in on the kitchen.  Though I may sweep and clean the bathroom back up.  Not much to do which should make the bathroom easy.

Trash was already reset, so that makes one part easy... clearing.  I have nearly cleared the bathroom hallway, more on that as I go through and hither.  Dishes, after a shower.  Any remaining laundry, if I have enough dirty laundry to make it worth my while.

Chores were done first thing.  I needed a little break after.  Cats too, but not their litter.  Did their water yesterday, so... every other day with that is enough, unless I have plenty of extra energy.  Their litter needs hit.  It's been a day.  Bleh.  After I get my wind back, teeth too.  Like keeping those clean, don't always remember.  Though my systems actually can handle a bit of slack.  My methods are much better than commercial, and probably cheaper.  Plus, as mentioned, unlike conventional, can allow for hit and miss use.  I haven't had a cavity since 1993, more than some of you have been alive.

Anyway... just... figuring out life this 'morning'.  I'll have to see what I can get to today.  Hope your day finds you busy and taking care of business, as you may, should, can, and would.  Amen.

I did get chores done.

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Feeling a bit better?  A bit.  Still in pretty heavy pain, but I wanted to do the ducks.  And, being that I was out, might as well get the rabbits.  I had also just fed the girls.  So... all good.  The rabbits needed nothing, really.  I changed one waterer which was low, added a bit of food here or there.  The ducks?  Those birds are always hungry.  Growing out takes feed, and lots of it.  Fair enough.

It is 37 out, so far, tonight.  Pretty cool, not freezing though.  I need a bit of food now.  Was thinking of warming up some beef, but believe a couple of cheese sandwiches are more the thing.  I don't want to go through the fuss of heating food.  Warm, or hot, would be better.  But... I just am not able.  And the sandwiches will do fine.  Hmm, maybe with fatted coffee, so I get something warm.

I just fed the girls for the last time tonight.  I had hoped to get dishes started.  I decided against it, so as to attempt to get a shower first thing.  Somedays that really helps me get going, especially on cool or cold days.  It also boosts my confidence, to get out and be around regular people.  I always fear I smell... bad breath, b.o., who knows.  I live in a messy house, I fear that transfers.  I feed ducks, I always worry there are smells with that which might carry with me.  I... just don't know.

I am hoping to start dishes tomorrow, hopefully to completion and maybe any last bits; finish some laundry, whatever is left; hit boxes, tearing those down and stacking them, or loading them up even to be taken in soon; calling about duck processing; and finding out about taxes... doing as much on the phone, or online, as possible.  Things to do.  I'll do what I can and try to keep up on else.  More grain at the first of the month.  It is taking about $60 a month, to feed animals, if I think mice are eating way too much of that.  I need to get more traps set up.  In the house and out there.  Bucket traps do well, if I can keep up on them.

Anyway... after a bite to eat, and just a bit of gaming to help bring me down, I'll be off to bed.  Good night.

Beautiful.

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Finally, out, again.  This time to the store.  I have needed to be out for a long time.  Ran out of a lot of things.  Couldn't go.  Either exhaustion or pain, or both, kept me down.  I would shower, get cleaned up, but just couldn't do it... at the best of times.  At the worst of times, I would just sit.  Getting chores done, but nothing else.

The healthfood store is open, again.  Or, well, masks aren't required.  I really do like their spices.  American.  Not any more expensive than the Chinese at conventional stores, and usually less expensive.  I would daresay, these are probably fresher as well.  I also wanted to try kombucha?  Something like that.  Got everything I needed.  Powdered onion, ground cumin and corriander, and a few other things.  I really like their products, their prices only double my appreciation.

I was speaking with the woman at the checkout counter.  Said how glad I was that they stopped requiring the useless mask.  Ol' sourpuss said nothing, but she sure wasn't happy we are no longer required to wear the statist masks.  Stupid people, it says right on them that they don't stop viruses!  Ugh.  To stupid to read and comprehend, far too many.  Anyway...

Then I got to the other grocery store.  Cheese slice blocks, more deli cuts, a veggie pack, and... more kombucha!  I didn't realize they carried that.  And at the same price?  They didn't have the plain though.  Still, I got a berry ginger, and had a sip when I got home.  Not bad.  Not fantastic, but I think it could grow on me.  I'd like to see about growing my own.  Takes a month or three, though, I think.  Not sure... about that.  Worth a shot.

Oh, yes.  It hurt, all the way out, through the shopping, and back.  I... may be done for a bit.  But was probably done for a bit anyway.  Still, feed for the critters, feed for me, most other things are set up.  I found another number to try, for processing the ducks... a maybe.  And I took care of life for a little bit.

I thanked God, profusely.  I grant my actions to His favor, not my will.  I have prayed for His help, received it.  Still hurts, terribly.  Moving the grain in, sorting and storing it, even packing groceries (as few as there were) in, and putting them up, was using the last of me.  But it got done.

I may get to bed early tonight.  The goal is to shower, again, right when I get up in the morning.  Do chores, of course.  Then start in on the kitchen.  Even if I can only do one counter, and one dishpan of dishes?  That... will be something.  Whatever I can get done will be a start.  As well, to try to get up early.  Earlier at least, though... who knows.  I'll do what I can.

I still want to do chores again, yet tonight.  It might not be possible.  But, that... if I can't, I can't.  They were fed.  And none of them were so out they were even hungry, earlier.  The second set of chores is more for my peace of mind, checking in on the animals, than out of a true need.  Though, with the birds, feeding them really might help them pack it in and on, get them ready for butchering sooner than not.  So... I may do the birds.  

Just thought of a funny.  Imagine if our parents were actually just feeding us in order to have us not for, but as, dinner?  :p  Oh, sometimes I wondered.  All I'm saying.  If your parents don't mind you getting chunky... watch out at about graduation time.  :)

Ugh.  I'll... try to game for a while.  It will literally be work.  But, it... will keep me awake for a little while.  Good evening, day, and maybe night.  Go with God (for few else would have us?)!  :p

Absolutely brutal.

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I have been trying to get out of bed since a bit after seven.  Didn't wake until a bit after 15:00.  Had to get feed.  Bunnies didn't get fed last night.  One rare miss is okay, but beyond that, no.  So, I have been pushing, since then, to get up.  I kept hitting a wall of pain.  My arms feel battered, my internals are messed up... feel like they are bruised... hurt.

It hurt, so much, in so many places, that... I didn't think I'd make it.  Once I got out of bed I laser focused on getting a shower, getting dressed, and getting on the road.  It took twenty minutes.  I ignored the pain.  I... just... got going.  I didn't think of painkillers, that would have brought my mind around to the pain.  I was playing hide and seek with the pain.  Hiding well.

I got to the feed store, in, paid, then to pickup.  That's a lot of feed, a lot of weight.  Help getting it in, getting it out was on me.  I will have to get more at the first of the month, but this will last a month, as things stand.  When I pair down the herd, I may get down to this lasting a few months, even three as I have it set.

I had been buying two types of egg feed and one type of higher protein grower feed.  Now I have two of each, pellets and loose grain.  They all cost about the same.  For rabbits, there is only one type of feed, so that is that.  Heck of a lot of weight to move with an screamingly aching body, but... done.  Then I fed the animals, right away.  Or it wouldn't have gotten done.  Now that it is set up, a second round of chores, later this evening, is easy.  Ugh.

So, now as I sit and cool, acetaminophen, a bottle of cold water, and blogging.  Yes, I do hurt.  One shoulder feels like it was hit with a baseball bat, the other bicep and tricep feels pulled, my torso feels like it was worked over by a pro or semipro, and my legs still hurt if not quite so bad.  Less like jello, more like... springs, but rusty springs.  Still some creaks in them.

Still, I... got to things.  I am pleased with what was done.  It hurt, it still hurts, it began to hurt even worse.  But... the painkillers might be able to help.  It is only 58 out there, but feels so warm?  Very strange.  Very odd for certain.  Oh, great, a heachache... from the exhertion?  Probably.

Still, I... took care of the animals, did my duty, that's all I can ask.  Later.  

Some... other thoughts.

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It would be interesting to think that they know.  That they know and don't like it.  Is it possible, that tools and devices are picking up on what seers, mystics, and else are understanding, have understood for a long time.  They use different terms, but the time, or a time, approaches.  It would be interesting if they could see through tech what some see through... other means.

Not much, and it is cooling.

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Well, it isn't cooling in the house.  My body is chilling, cooling off.  I did make dinner, and supper.  The former consisted of a cornish game hen.  Hen?  I don't know.  A small chicken, really.  The latter, roast beef.  Both were well done, done correctly, and tasty as anything.

I would have thought th food would have warmed me.  Each came out of the oven, if were given some time to settle before serving.  Even with the oven on.  Though it might be cooling, perhaps freezing, outside.  That will get to a body.  Even when it reads 70, the 'corners' of the room get chill.  I am sensing that.

A quick check.  No, not... all that cold out there.  It is 42.  But it has been about that for the last week?  There, close to it, perhaps colder a few nights?  Odd.  I am dressed more warmly.  I guess I'll have to get a fleece jacket ready, and at hand, maybe a sweater, depending on how much I need.  I have been looking over long sleeved t-shirts, and else.

I have taken care of the girls, fed the ducks and kept all animals in water.  Had a few reasonable meals.  But my legs have been pained most of the day.  The cramps have lifted, mostly.  But the aching from the cramping remains.  I haven't gotten a shower, yet.  Did trim my whiskers.  May try for a shower tonigh, and a shave?  At least a shower, I hope.

I keep trying to get up, and out, going, and getting things done.  But I am stuck.  I have been stuck in the house since... the last time I could get out solo.  I'll... keep trying.  I have things to do, people to call, bills to pay?  I don't know.  Try as I may, things are what they are for the moment.

I did call my mother.  I did call to check on old business, and new.  I found a number for a new old contact, where future business, or business associations, may be formed.  I'm... trying.  I'll keep at it.  The pain has gone, from the other few days.  But numbness, other than the legs, seems to have returned.  Odd how that goes.  I really wonder if my tea had been being poisoned.  Something odd was in in, after I left a few jugs be in the fridge for a long time.  One was clear, the other was... odd.  They had been made at nearly the same time, with fresh tea as I remember it.  Though who knows.

On to a shower, and then maybe bed.  Good night, I think.  Or... after a few rounds on the internet.  Sleep well, God bless, and live or die well.

Another odd night.

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Down at around eight?  Up at 14:00, give or take.  Not much sleep.  But the nights are cool, I am sleeping well.  Even with the legs being rough, still rough this morning, I am otherwise doing well.  A few days of pain just came and went, without a reason I guess.

I put laundry into the dryer.  Didn't get to that last night.  The legs were really bad.  Still would like to have slept a bit more, but when the body wakes, sometimes there is little the mind, or will, or whatever it is... within the animal we inhabit... can do.  Sometimes, for me more often than not, for good or ill, I am just the passenger.  I think that is more true of most, it is just most never have to time to understand this.

I have been able to assert my will in a few areas.  Celibacy.  An attempt at controlling food.  I can't seem to expand into exercise, beyond swimming when that was feasible, affordable.  But that is due to actual limits.  And, I'm not sure exercise was good for me.  It ate up too much of my life, providing very little, if anything, back.  If you are a man or woman of leisure, I... suppose.  Or if your body can absorb the calorie output, on top of the rest of life, sure, maybe.  But if it becomes the sum of your life, it really doesn't work.  Which, really, it had.  Part of reason I didn't get back to it.  Not the whole reason, but part of it.

Hopefully, today, I can sort out a few things.  Mainly dishes, counters, and laundry.  I keep keeping up, on what I have done.  And getting ahead by short bits, if maintenance is limited in the new areas.  I need a breakout play.  Say, a breakdown of the kitchen, and a breakdown and removal of boxes.  Those two things would be a major game changer.  I really am nearly through the boxes.  Just this last major hump.  What remains is, probably, about a quarter of all the boxes I have broken down through the summer.  But... that is a lot.  Only that many because of things which came in since.

Just... to get one or even two more rooms in the clear and clean.  That would open things, incentivise.  But... I have to do this on my own, mostly.  Ugh.

It got cool out.  It isn't even 50 out there.  I had heard reports that it was going to cool, and probably freeze, tonight and tomorrow.  Then come back into the 60's and 70's for highs.  To be honest, it really looks like the weather is controlled.  They are having to do things to break patterns, and step them down, or winter won't happen.  Still might not.  Not sure their control is all that good.  Or, perhaps, there are competeing actors, intent on different outcomes.  Or, even, just regional actors with no thought or care save for their own nations/regions?  Everything is a story.  The only question is whether the story is true.  I... would guess only a few know if what I say is true, though many would suspect but know better than to discuss it... and keep their career, possibly life.

I need more feed.  Bleh.  Always more.  Not sure how I went through so much.  Not just bird, which I understand, but rabbit too.  Though I think it has been nearly two months?  Time flies.  So, yeah.  Just a few, to get me through the month.  Six bird, two rabbit?  Should... do, for a short bit.  Argh!  All I can do, right now is to water the animals, feed the birds, then go get feed.  Totally out of rabbit feed.  But can get that in ten minutes... well... more like half an hour to hour, up, back, unloaded, and to feeding.

Best get to it.  They aren't happy people most of the time, less so when one arrives a bit later in the afternoon.  I just need a shower, shave, and to brush the teeth first.  Later.

Such strange things they say.

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Mercy will be here, then it won't be here... for a while.  Even the one who most should believe provides mercy will take it away.  In my dreams, I am one of the ways He will remove mercy.  Giving those who choose exactly what they have chosen.  It doesn't seem the time.  But, none may know, not even He... then or now I tell you.  For that is man's choice.

I had dreamed, too, of the days of darkness.  It seemed longer, out in it.  I didn't realize it was... a thing... or that others had... seen, sensed, it.  Only, that they will walk, and may be seen, if it would be the last thing a man, child of Adam and Eve alone, would see.

Stories?  Everything is a story.  The question to ask is... is a particular story true?  Of course, many of you already know.  I would guess most of you do.  You definitely know better.  Though, in Christ's first time here, you would also have known better.  Possibly even if you saw His miracles and teachings with your own eyes and ears.  How many of you think, or would have thought, that the prostitute should have been stoned?  Or that the tax collector should have been left, as a he was a sinner?  Or that the money changers at the "church" should have been left to their ways?  How many of you are those things, worse?  I know my part.  You?  I know what I deserve.  Stories, of course.  Again, all things suggested are stories.  It is merely whether they are true or not.  Amen.

The old girl is doing her best.

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She is in as bad of shape as I am, only not quite as... young.  I have a bit more resilience, at the moment.  Though, if she gets a second, or tenth, wind at life, she may end up in better shape.  Sleeping a bit much, still needing help with food and medicine... if getting it... I do worry.  I tell her so, directly, but... not pushing toward anything, just... letting her know.

I have finally, I think, restored my place in the family.  Not a tight place.  I will always be the black sheep.  But... a place, a little role.  As the youngest, again.  I'll call my brother sometime this week, just to check in and check up, compare notes and thoughts on mother as well.

I suspect winter will be difficult for her.  It often is for me, probably for everyone who is old, ill, or parts of both.  If she can whether it, come back through it... she has a chance.  If not... other choices will have to be made.  What we need and want do not always converge.

I still can't get to much, today.  The legs are in terrible shape.  I do have something that might help.  And will shower shortly, before setting up more dishes.  I wasn't able to make it to the feed store today, tomorrow.  Have to.  But I did feed the ducks, and got water for the rabbits.  They still have food, but may run out tonight, or through the night.  No major worry, but... tomorrow.

I did start, finally, calling around about getting the ducks processed.  The first bid was $20 a bird.  Too steep for my blood.  Half that, maybe.  It would save the cost of equipment, which... isn't cheap either.  Though, to be honest, I'd like to pay for processing this year, for at least some of them.  As well, get some of the gear to process them, including a pot, and some other parts and pieces.  Some, I suppose, I will just breast.  But that is a waste of good skin.  Just, possibly, no saving that.  Too much work, too expensive.  Will see.  Still have a few places to call tomorrow.  Ugh.

Later.

Dang it!

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I kept waiting to get going, hoping for a bit of improvement.  Problem is, improvement did not arrive.  My legs worsened.  Can barely stand, walk around.  Fine.  I'll sleep, see if that helps.  Hmm, well, and check the laundry.  I will at least put the load that was washing into the dryer.

I did have a bite to eat.  Not trusting the brats, of late.  The last batch tasted a bit tacky.  I thought it was because I had left it thawed a bit long.  But this time, they were freshly thawed.  And, they too taste a bit off.  Old.  Is it the store?  The plant?  Are the plants closed down, or are these from Mexico, China?  Don't... be surprised about anything, anymore.  And with "Biden" in charge, who the hell knows what he and the bureaucrats are doing, save that it isn't good.

I won't be buying those anymore.  Not sure what can be trusted, at this point.  Oh, no, I think Trump would have ended up doing similar, possibly was.  Though I think he was more pro-American.  He wanted to do the right things.  Not sure he had anyone on his side, in the government.  Certainly not in the bureaucracy.  And he was a sucker for a compliment from his secret enemies with a smile and gladhand.

Some things seem good, some things not so much.  I will definitely begin discerning what can be trusted.  Bratwursts, and probably any ground pork, not so much.  Though beef, for it's price, is getting pretty rough too.  I suppose they can't make enough burger, with the dating out meat, so just freeze, and maybe refreeze, old and questionable meat?  Something is really wrong with the food supplies, suppliers, and else along the line.  Don't tell me our beef is processed in China, too?  Seriously, it wouldn't at all surprise me.  If you had ever shopped in the former USSR, even at their government only shops for bureaucrats... that reminds me more and more of what is being put out.  Seriously.

Anyway.  I'll get on to bed, since I can't do much, staying up longer won't, can't, help, and I am shot anyway, at this point.  All good.  I did the best I could do, stayed with it to try and sort it out.  There is tomorrow.  And, acetaminophen as I go to bed.  My legs are killing me.  From last night.  They were tight, earlier, and through most of the day, but have hardened into cramping concrete.  Good night.

Finally cool enough.

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I don't know how much I can get done.  The goal is to take a shower, maybe shave, put dishes in... clearing counters as I go, check on the laundry, and generally... just... get things started again.  I'll have to take breaks, probably need a bite to eat, or two.  And will need to feed the girls, so as to be left to some peace in my efforts.

Dreams and notions were disturbed a bit tonight.  I don't think things draw nigh, not... end things.  Dark things?  Yes.  But whether this is just another fall of an empire, or even a changing of the guard for the dark side?  How long have people lived in misery, to dark governments?  Or fallen governments?  How long were people oppressed in even Britain, and rather recently, let alone Rome, and... pretty much everywhere else through most of history?  Governments were created for safety, almsot always becoming the worst threat to it's citizens.

The end?  Dark times aren't coming, they are here.  And, as when Jesus walked here, most people hail the darkness.  So be it.  But, again, the end?  I don't think so.  Just endure.  Just do what is right.  If you must pay the price, do so.  If you can escape paying the price, rightly, do so.  But do not worry.

Oh, I... best get to things.  Hungry, now, though.  Hmm... I have a few brats left, perhaps with sauerkraut.  Hungry.  Definitely hungry.  And cool.  Best close that front door.  Good night, and... day, still, really.

That may be it for the year.

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It is supposed to freeze the next two nights.  Though, perhaps, a short run Thursday, to use up the materials and for a final kick, if weather holds.  But he may be taking another.  Now that he gets home early, others are more interested in going along.  All good.

A second set of chores for the day, girls fed, and laundry set, reset in one case.  Bleh.  I had paused the washing machine, while searching for my phone, fearing it was in a pair of shorts in there.  Thankfully, not, but... I then forgot to reset the washing cycle.  All good.

I am hoping to get a shower, maybe.  Then start a load or three, small loads, of dishes.  And begin ont he counters.  Not a lot of work, just... just a start.  Maybe a bit more.  When I can, I do.  I... actually love to work.  I love the process, the effort, and the end results.  Work is it's own joy, if it doesn't always seem like it.  If you work, and have to, but hate it?  I'll be honest, be glad you can.  When you can't, the world, your friends, your family, even you, want yourself dead.  But... sometimes that doesn't come.  If you just get ill, and die?  Be glad of that, too.

I am enjoying getting a few things done these last few days.  I have been thanking God, even for the pains it causes.  My legs are pretty rough, but at least I know they were used, and useful, to the ends needed.  I... really... don't mind the pain.  Less so, more so?  If there is some real positive result from what caused the pain.  Though, as mentioned, my suffering goes to those in purgatory.  I don't pour it out, create, for them, I merely... offer it for them when I have it.  I've been there.  Pray for them, truly.  Any who may be saved, even one, offered the chance and accepting even for the price, is worth more than all the gold, jewels, land, and else on this whole planet.  Believe as you wish, I tell you not one lie.

I just need to cool off.  For some reason, I got a bit overheated.  Ah... a dressed for a cooler morning, and it got warmer.  Going out tonight, I thought it would drop off more than it did.  Overdressed, at least for tonight.  I'll... redress the situation, then get to work... at least once I have cooled off and rested just a bit.  Later?

A few things.

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Chicken and brats are cooking, a fresh load of laundry has been set... which I had to fish down from upstairs.  The girls have had their second meal.  Waterers, the few there are, have been set up to be reset.  A few things, here and there, going on.  Nothing heavy, nothing fancy, nothing fast.  Just, as I go to the bathroom, or get something to drink, or remember... I do.  It is as it would be, if I could do it all the time.

It truly makes me wonder how I can sit there, for hours, days, and not even notice.  The truth is, that last, is most of my life.  Like it?  Of course not.  There isn't a choice to be made.  If... you end up with a bad heart, we will discuss this.  You will understand being buried in your own flesh.  Most of you, however, will be able to simply die from it.  Or, have family or doctors who will help you get over the line.  Yea, I think that is part of what doctors do.  It's, just, it doesn't always work.  Then again, perhaps I was just an experiment.  They wanted to see how long someone could live in that condition.  Honestly, quite a few doctors would go along with it.  They all did for decades, and they had to know my heart was bad.  After I heard my heart in bad shape, then on medicine and more moderated... they knew... the whole time.  An experiment, or just waiting for me to die, I'm not sure which is worse.  Then again, everyone they treat?  Is an experiment.

Oh, flyswatters.  Wow.  I bought two packages... one a normal set, one a heavy duty set.  I didn't think the heavy duty would last long, as hard as they can be swung.  But they have.  The regular ones, half are destroyed.  I had some all plastic ones, which lasted for... five years?  A bit raggedy, but they still work.  A bit unimpressed with the regular new ones.  But the heavy duty are a pleasure.  I just can't use them on every surface.

Anyway, I will almost miss fly season, when it is gone.  I bend the wire, and it is thicker.  I have used them many, many times.  And, yet, they keep holding up, so far.  If you want to go to town on flying, probably even crawling, or otherwise unwanted intruders?  Smaller of size?  This is your ticket.  And they only cost a dollar or two more than a normal set.  Just... don't use it on anything glass.  Trust me.  Mike work for a while, or time, but...  Just... don't.

Looking for my phone, to see when the trip will be tonight, and whether I am wanted.  Always something.  Must be upstairs in a pocket?  Bleh.  I'd best check the chicken and brats, and look for the phone again.  Later.

Down late, up relatively early.

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It was between five and six when I went down.  Tried to remember.  Quarter to six?  Something.  Went down hard.  Would have been in bed at two, but wanted to get a few things done.  Which... I got a decent chunk of those done.  Sleep is odd, lately, there isn't a pattern, day, night.  Yesterday I stayed awake until around eight thirty, and woke about the same time I woke today, maybe a bit earlier.  I woke around 14:00 today.  I think an half hour earlier yesterday?  May have wrote it, not sure where if so.

The only pain today is in my legs.  I did use the kneepads to do the dishes.  While, at first, it seemed easier, it created stress which shows itself this morning in the form of cramps in the thigh, inner and outer, butt, and groin region.  Still, I think it is better than the back stress from trying to do those in a chair.

I got to it this morning.  Chores, cat litter, and will feed the girls when they decide they are hungry.  Brought in and changed their water.  Turned the laundry over into the dryer, and got that going.  I haven't added another load, don't think I have enough down there.  Hmm, may have a basket upstairs, ready to go.  I even got the trash barrel back, and put into it's spot.

But, I had to take a break.  I rushed myself into exhaustion, or at least a weary tiredness.  I am sure I will get a second, and etc., wind.  The next thing I'd like to sort, beside more clothes to be washed, is dishes put in and a start on the counters.  Which will go hand in hand, as some of what is on the counter is dishes.

It is nearly 80 out there, or is...  So it is rather warm in this front room.  I left the windows open, and fans going, but it remained 69 upstairs all night, or every time I checked... all night, all day, whatever.  It was a comfortable sleep.  Waking a few times.  With the windows open, vehicles sound louder.  Until my mind gets used to that, traffic, singular or as a herd, will tend to wake me.  Probably does even on slower and night traffic.  Something about that one vehicle, on an otherwise quiet night, which just gets you.

Anyway... a start.  I had hoped to be able to get to town, but not today.  Dishes, more laundry, a shower, maybe a shave...  Oh, and meat should be thawed, so something in that area.  Probably chicken, grilled.  I went with thighs this time.  And, maybe, later tonight, if it cools and I am awake, I will start a roast.  I have a chuck thawed, or thawing.  Just enough chicken to eat.  Well, and share with the girls.  The way Sam gnaws on the bones after finishing else, you'd think she was a dog!  Sassy doesn't even seem to like chicken.  

Actually, when it comes to chicken?  Sam reminds me of Gollum.  How odd that mix of names.  The one chicken, to rule them all!  Oh, she is... nuts about my cooked chicken.  And, I swear, as I have improved my recipe and technique?  She is... downright dangerous about it.  She has found a way to make sure, when looking at me, while i eat the chicken, that her eyes have that shimmer cat's eyes get at certain angles.  She does spook me, a bit.

Anyway... up and at things.  Will see what is possible.  Good day.

More.

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To do it, I had to stay awake longer than wanted.  I wanted to sleep hours ago.  I just... wanted to try to... push through.  Even so, I didn't get all of it.  I did get some of it.  A shower, trash out, and recycling.  Trash to the curb.  Only one bag of recycling, and I am tired, so... no.  Plus a load of laundry set up and going.

Not perfect.  Not everything.  I would still like to set up more dishes.  I just... I can't.  Plus, with the tub empty, I can get another shower tomorrow.  Lord knows I love showers.  And baths.  I really would take one daily if I had the path and energy.  I have to stay awake a while longer, to let the hair dry a bit more.  I hate going to bed on a wet head.

Still, not bad.  I think the only things I missed were getting recycling to the curb, if it really isn't needed, and setting up another load of laundry.  Which... may be of benefit.  I think that is all I missed?  I didn't hit the counters, or break boxes down, but neither of those was actually proposed, as a certain hope... merely possibilities.

All good.  Now I can sleep with a somewhat clearer conscience.  What?  You thought I could live like in a sty, and be happy, settled, even resigned to it?  No, it is a horror every single day.  I fight it, tooth and nail.  Even though I lose, I have never just surrendered to it.  I still think, with just a bit of help, I could... win.  A woman who likes to play house.  Well... in real as well as... other ways.  All I could do is help, but I could do that.

It is just about bedtime.  So ready, still have to wait half an hour.  It is 42 out, 74 in this front room, near the computer, still.  Probably about 70 everywhere else.  But a bit more humid, at 41%.  It has been a more humid year.  Most of the time.  Could see my breath, at 42, dew point must be up?  Something.  Anyway, good night.