A few more tricks.

.

.

As things are smoothing, unfolding, moving forward, I am regaining balance.  I am not 'there' yet.  But I see a time where I may be.  When blood pressure, blood medicine, medicine, insulin, and food, are as optimal as they can be... and while and when I can keep them steading, my life may return to a very small part of what age has left of it to be.

Life, function, has some potential.  It won't be fancy.  I may still never retrieve a regular schedule.  Function will probably always be limited.  The damage to heart and organs, the thirty some years that have passed, the limits to improving fitness for any and all reasons...  But, I may, slowly, begin moving closer to such.  Heck, if I can get fit enough to find a place to socialize a few times a week, regularly, I might even find a woman friend, or several.  No more than that, but that would be enough at this point, for me.  Who really knows.

Anyway, I have... after accidentally sorting my pillows, further sorted my sleeping arrangements.  First, I really have to reset blankets pretty much every night.  I am a bull in blankets, and when I roll, the whole bedding system and it's parts go up in the air.  When I kick, things move.  I can sleep one, maybe two, days warm.  Then there are too many holes and draft openings and bare areas.  So, to that end, even if I can't make it in the morning, I can at least tear it down.  Pull all the blankets apart, set them into little piles, so that the only way to sleep warmly is to relayer them.  If it's a decent morning, and they are still together and such, I will just pull them back over.

More, just a bit of layering.  First, two pair of underwear.  Why that works I have no idea.  But I love being a bit warm.  That does it.  Not a tighty whitey briefs, not a standard boxer, a mix... boxer briefs.  A bit longer.  And I keep two sizes, because of occasional water retention bloat.  Perfect.  Or a few other options.  As well, a night shirt of some sort.  Usually not pajama pants, those are house wear, like slacks or jeans, but just for home... usually.  Then, a long pair of my wool socks.  Oh, as well?  Putting my hair up, then into a winter cap, and life is perfect.  It is more a matter of keeping up on the stuff.  Though going without one aspect, or another, for a night or two, is doable.  Especially if I keep my sleeping system in order.  Last night was the first time I incorporated the whole system, save the cap.  But it has been in the works for a while.  A year?  Seems strange, but, yes, sort of.  Started with a dream, but I didn't remember all of it.

Down very late, 01:34, give or take up to twenty minutes.  Up at about 07:30, give or take twenty minutes.  The dryer was reset.  And I guess I hadn't set up a second load, but that has been done and let go.  Plus another load has been arranged.  Perhaps one load after that.  At some point, a shower.  And, then, hopefully, finally, back to dishes.  I have a good lot of them done, but I got stopped about half way through.

Chores, sometime, early.  Though I think I need to refresh waterers.  I didn't get to that last night.  Litter too, has to be gotten.  And, later, I am hoping, finally to boxes.  I am slowly breaking through, getting to things, in some sort of priority that both makes sense, and sometimes doesn't.  A chaotic start back to trying to get things done.

Medicines taken this morning.  Now I need to hit breakfast and insulin.  Tea?  Maybe.  The green tea is okay.  A bit flat?  Mild?  Something.  So I may have the darker tea in the morning, and the green tea more as an afternoon thing, when I have either.  Nothing great, or terrible, just... adjusting things to where I think they work best.

Life is... if not resuming, preparing to resume.  Prayers, and hope, in faith, with love.  It.. may seem excessive.  But when the grave is pressing you one way, pain the other, it's... what is available.  Little more, and any less is worse than fatal.  You probably know that as is.  You just hide from it while you continue in sin?  Most do, until they don't or can't.  There by the grace of God, in any case, go I.  Amen.

Not one more thing.

.

.

I best get medicine in, perhaps feed the girls one last... something... probably just a few treats as they have eaten enough today.  I have done my best for them.  Oh, but I did start laundry, since I realized no shower would go forward.  I will put that load in the dryer, and maybe put another load in... won't start that until the morning.  I just don't really prefer loads to run while I am asleep.  It's probably safe, probably.  I just don't trust appliances.  A bit... old fashioned.  Ancient fashioned?  If so, more every day.

I have been pushing, in my mind, to do more.  There just wasn't a way.  I am tired, and have a small headache, a new one as the one from the blood sugar crash subsided, for my efforts.  Still, I don't mind the pain of effort, even if the fruit is naught.  It means... there really was effort made, visible or not.

Well, I did get one of the pee jugs capped, and back upstairs... while seeking something or other.  Dirty laundry?  Maybe.  Anyway... on to medicines and bed.  Oh, best remember insulin.  Goodnight, God's blessing as I am able to send it, and a good sleep as you may.

Slowly, bits, nearing bedtime.

.

.

Chores.  I was really hoping for those.  And water in to redo waterers.  Laundry was set up, but I still haven't gotten into the shower.  Ugh.  Cats have  been fed, but their litter really needs work.  I did get the jugs emptied and set to dry.  And I had a meal, delivered by a friend.

Little bits and pieces.

Now?  I don't know.  Time is flying by.  Still, I would like to get the girls' litter managed, get a shower, and... probably waterers.  And, then, maybe, if I think I'll be awake long enough to put laundry into the dryer, maybe set a load to wash.  That won't be a lot, but it will be something.  Even if I can't get laundry going, if I can get those other things going, that will be good, with the rest of the day.  Especially after the blood sugar crash, or near crash.

I'm... trying to keep up, but I'm not.  At all.  Still, doing some things today means getting to new and more things tomorrow, or next time I can work.  I haven't been crashing, quickly or harshly, while working.  But I am a bit out of shape so work is more difficult.  I can stand, and walk around, for about an half hour at a time.  Not bad, considering a few days ago, sitting was about what I could manage, or five minutes on my feet.

I'll keep at it, as I am able.  Christmas lights, this year.  The trick for metal roofs, without screws or else in metal or wood?  Glue gun.  Which... I happen to have.  Wasn't sure, it is old.  The gun should be fine, wasn't sure about the glue sticks.  Looked it all over, it all looks good.  Having it done.  I'm... a bit past doing it myself.  Though, perhaps, if the system is down, maybe next year.  I'm just in bad shape.  Then again, honestly, I'm usually in bad shape.  I keep thinking I am getting better, then either health fails, I fall off... then restart medicine, or all.  Bleh.  But this round... could be right.  My numbers are actually within the "good" circle.  Not sure that will help, I've not been here, on medicines I could handle this well anyway, to this point.  Maybe.  But... what health hasn't eroded, age may well have.  Still, there is hope.

Hmm?  Eyes are getting slightly better still.  I think another shower might help.  Eyes really are a bit... dusty.  If that probably isn't all.  Ugh.  Well... on to a litter, then a shower?  Yes.  Later.  Or goodnight, in case I don't get back. 

Couldn't sleep.

.

.

Fine.  Doing... better.  The crash seems to have smoothed out.  Crazy, I was going down so fast I really wondered if I would be able to just sit.  Headache, for my failure... but a relatively mild one.  Or, just a normal strong headache, not a migraine.  A bit of light sensitivity, and sound sensitivity, but only on the... left side of my head.  Odd but true.  Now worries, I've had this before.  Sometimes my left and right side seem more connected, sometimes they seem completely separate.  This time they are separated.

Since I am awake, I am trying to sort through things.  Chores, shortly.  Right after this.  If I can, after that, I will drain the bleach water from the pee jugs and set them to drain into the tub until dry.  Though I want a shower, so may need to move them before long.  Just resetting them after.  If they don't dry fast enough, will have to take one up as is.  But will last for days, so the others will get to dry out.

Ugh... that glucose drop really hurt.  But I think I can get a few things going.  Hmm... may get a load of laundry set up.  Not sure I will start it, but could get it loaded.  And, maybe, set up a second load for when that finishes.  Just... a preset, so if I can, I will, after the shower.  There is plenty of hot water, it's more the runtime of the low-water use washer... it might interfere with taking a shower at any given time.  Tricks and understandings of the mechanical and other limitations of homeowning.  Lots of tricks and limitations and truths which people just don't know... until they know.  Especially if they have lived as bachelors, and renters, for much of their lives.  A whole different ball of wax that even ten years of homeownership hasn't completely cleared.

Intention versus reality.

.

.

As the morning moved into the afternoon, my mind kept focusing on tasks.  I was sure I would be getting to some of it.  I still think I will.  Just not as quickly as anticipated.  I was just at noon, and about to begin, when things started falling apart.  I have to guess it was blood sugar, dropping... spiking more like... in the negative.

Not sure I got it, but have tried.  A meal, the one roughly planned save no tea.  Couldn't stand well.  Milk instead.  Trying to stay away from milk, raw... need to get kefir going, really need to.  Still, for now, it is what I had.  And I had to eat and drink something.

Giving it some time.  Feeling a bit better.  Nauseas, sleepy perhaps beyond stopping a nap, just a bit green about the gills...  So a nap may be in the immediate offing, so I don't fall.  I just want to stay awake a slight bit longer to make sure I have managed the blood sugar thing.  If so, super.  Though I may take a hard candy when I get upstairs.  Just one, five grams of carbs... or four.  And, there are more up there, in case I fail further.

Wow, that was rough.  I hate that.  Doing my best, trying my best, but the game can just be too fast, hard, quick, and off for me to get just right.  And a wipeout can be devastating.  This was a close call, if my attempts to manage it work.  Still, it leaves me sidelined for a bit.  All good, I hope.  Wow, those close shaves are powerful.

Later.

A quick update.

.

.

Vision is clearing a bit more.  Still fairly bleary, mostly.  From time to time it clears.  And, once in a great while, I see with immaculate clarity... refining what is presented, even  in high definition, on to... something... unique.  I used to see that way most of the time.  These days it is an occasional treat.

As to the number though?  BP is 106/78 with a pulse of 78.  I am surprised I don't feel a bit off.  Further, not sure why bp is better this morning?  Then again, the last two nights, I think, I have remembered bp meds.  So, yes, maybe medicine is okay, if I remember to take it.  Gah!  As to blood sugar, that is 116 non-fasting.  Nice.  A good drop from 250 fasting first thing this morning.  Of course, now I have worry about eating.  Gotta eat.  But... what?

Oh, not right now.  Later.  The cheese and deli meat sandwiches were okay, yesterday.  Could do that again today.  Something hot to drink with it, though.  Green tea?  With cream though, this time?  Maybe.  Well, and pork rinds.  Yes, that might do well.  Dang but things have improved, at least number-wise.  Now if I could just turn that into function.  Amen.

Slower than hoped.

.

.

A few smaller things done.  But it is taking heavy pushing to get to small bits.  Ugh.  Breakfast and insulin, vitamins and minerals, and electrolytes and some water.  Then I cleaned the pee jugs.  On the good side, it takes three to five days to fill one.  I have five.  I just... haven't been getting to things.  But, in the future, this should be a much easier task.

Why pee jugs?  Initially, because I was drinking a lot, and with the water (causes peeing, sometimes day and night), getting up to pee three to five, or more, times a night became a stretch.  So, I purchased jugs.  Initially one liter.  But... back then, I could fill that to overflowing with one pee.  So, two liter?  Right, but... that... wasn't much better.

In time, while I have some of the old ones around, somewhere, I obtained three liter jugs, five of them.  And, for most of the time I had them, I would fill at least one a night, often two.  Couldn't find larger pee jugs, or jugs I would trust to pee in.  It had to be at least three liters, pretty much leak proof, and still be light enough to carry reasonably, sometimes two to four at a time.  And with a reasonably secure lid.  Anyway...

As I said, I am down from filling one per night to filling one every three to even five days.  But I have just left, or am leaving? the death zone.  So I haven't been able to keep up.  Catching up on that today.  I rinse them two to three times, then do a bleach.  I used to only bleach every fourth or fifth time.  But now, with it sitting in there for a while, I bleach each or every other time.  They are all getting bleached, it has been a while.

I'll tell you, laugh if you will.  If you ever get near the end of your life, or near death, and you are alone... remember this.  It will... save you lots more trouble than you can probably deal with.  I may not be able to die with all my dignity.  But, on this... I... have spared some of it with simple pee jugs.  And, I don't just shiver, needing to pee, unable to get up, killing myself more painfully and harshly than I already was dying.  Laugh.  But remember pee jugs.

The timer, from breakfast, has about 0:37 of the 2:30 initially set.  Then I'll do stats.  I did a fasting blood sugar, which was high.  My two last suppers have been very high carb.  So be it.  Still, if you remember, when I restarted not too many days ago, my blood sugar was outside the range of my meter.  And, after intense insulin starts, the first readable number was 529.  I even had trouble getting down through to the high 300s, took days.  So 250 fasting might not be great, but it... is better.

I am pretty sure I can get to some of the other things.  While dealing with the jugs, I set up for a shower.  Soon, shortly.  Or... soon enough.  I was able to do the jugs without too much trouble.  Takes a lot of stooping, and is hard on the back, given weights, angles, and else.  Still, did well.  Just need a little break before getting a shower.  Then chores and waterers.  I should be able to catch up completely on waterers, as well, today.  I only have one group of waterers to go, so will have to do them all.  But I think I can.

A good night of sleep.

.

.

Dreams, again.  Someone from Missouri, traveling to see the "stars" in Hollywood.  Not in these days, in the 50's or 60's.  As the dream ended, they were just stopping at a place to stay, in New Mexico.  A dusty place.  A bigger city, if it sure didn't look it.  Back when America thought well, or... at least didn't think of Hollywood as the enemy.

Oh, the pillow was ready.  Two clean, fresh, fluffed pillows.  What a wonderful night.  No aches, this morning.  I was warm most of the night.  The last few hours, though, I had kicked blankets off, and couldn't figure out how to get them arranged back perfectly.  So it was warm, but with cold spots.  Ugh.

I woke several times, while trying to wake up for the day.  I thought I had read, earlier, 05:55.  But... that must have been a cross-reference memory of yesterday, which is when I did wake yesterday.  For, when I finally woke and was getting out, I checked, and it was still just 05:48.  Funny how those things work.

Pill medicines have been taken.  Breakfast is brewing, or the water is heating for it anyway.  Could call that brewing, but I prefer to think of a brew as something with more than water.  At the least tea.  So, will stick with water warming, after consideration.  A shower, too, before long.  Oh.  I... really enjoy those.  

There have been times in my life where even showers weren't available.  If possible, sits type baths.  But even those weren't always possible.  Sometimes you just learned to stink, and deal with it.  Would at least try for the pits, all of them, cleaned with sand if nothing else.  I have gone long times without western conveniences.  Longer than I even now miss out.  But when I can, I do.  And I surely love showers.  Would love a bath from time to time, but those are too much fuss for me now?  Hmm... if I can get a bit more going, I may try to do a full bath a time or two a week.  Probably just a luxury.  But... I don't mind some luxury.

Wow.  No ache, no pain, warm, not hungry if I feel the actual need to eat.  Mostly awake, not more than a slight morning fog of mind.  Hmm.  Not sure I can do much yet.  The meds, or their effects, are still keeping me down.  But... I may begin crawling out of the grave I have been marinating in for a while.  Check.

Yea, breakfast, a bit of a break to let that digest.  A shower.  Resetting waterers.  Chores.  Litter and cat feeding.  Then... another break, or two in there.  Then to dishes, laundry, and some business?  Then boxes?  Getting close.  If I can get some of those done, I'll be closer to the others.  It'll be a bit of a hike, but I'll knock two or three things out, for sure.  Almost for sure.  Still learning to walk, if it least it doesn't hurt, burn, or go wonky from time to time.  Later.

Green tea.

.

.

Finally, actual, without a doubt, green tea.  I brewed it shorter, for three minutes, and at 155 F.  Taste?  Well... there is something to it.  It will take time to catch it.  I wouldn't say floral, more of fruit.  But of the flavor that is with the carbonated water.  Just a waft of... something.  Time may clarify.

With sugar no longer being a part of my diet these flavors are usually attainable.  First, using the nose.  Then, perhaps, the tastebuds.  Currently, all I get is from the nose.  There is a sweet scent to it, but more like the flowers of fruits?  Or that idea.  I smell the fruit type scent, but as if diffused through flowers... it's blooms.  Assuming the blossoms carry the scent of the fruit vaguely?  Well, that's how I'm suggesting it.

I still want to get chores tonight.  Feeding the rabbits, getting them water.  Well, and maybe tending cat litter.  It's been an odd day.  Generally a good one.  Not much food in.  Doing my best.  A bit too much insulin.  Handled that as well as I could.  Night medicine down, save slow acting insulin.

No major pain, an easy shower, several things started and possibly ended if the pillow is done... which I think it will be.  A nap, right in there.  Really, as good of a day as I remember for further back than I can remember.  The shin sort of stings.  Beside taking a slice of skin off, it is bruised just a bit.  But patched and healing.  If I can shower again tomorrow, I will reset the bandage.

Even my dreams, if sometimes dark, have been about... healing the human condition.  Perhaps it is just my own condition, if... I don't think so.  Opportunities to choose better, reject harm, finding a way to a better life, for everybody, is being explored.  Thankfully, not only do I have no grudges, I have forgiven all who have harmed me, for my part.  And, I have sought resolution for my sins against others and God.  Now, I can't guarantee those will go through, even should I never sin again.  But I can pray, examine, and release those as I am possible.  But there are so many who really are holding on to what will kill them.  Odd that a sin against you can destroy you?

Well, it is about time to go on to bed.  I'll check the pillow.  I am almost certain it is ready.  Goodnight, evening, day... whatever is your time, or place in your schedule.

Splendid, people.

.

.

A shower.  For the first time in months?  probably... I was able to take a shower without almost falling down, leaning on the walls, panting, and burning out.  A long shower, too.  My hair is clean, and sorted!  My skin is refreshed and clean.  When I get to clean, I clean to the bone, buttons and elbows and else.

I am cleaner than clean.  And I am still not exhausted.

Eyes are still a bit bleary.  I really think it is mostly, say, dust on them?  I don't blink a lot, I live in a semi-desert highland, I am running, often these days, a slight dip into dehydration... it just adds up.  With everything improving, I may speak with my doctor about this too.  If he will do something, cool.  If not, I won't bother with specialists.  They require in-office, which means mask, and haranguing about the non-vax.  No.  Still, worth a shot.  Even otc recommendations would be fine... what to look for, avoid.

I am absolutely amazed I was able to stand, well, strongly, the whole time.  Oh, well, I did a pirouette or three, which almost caused me to lose some balance.  But, even then, I was amazed.  I just... felt so alive, that spinning to get this, or that, done seemed a breeze, and mostly, usually, was.  Not true ones, but... rather amazing for a bear sized chap.  Excited, like a bird in a bird bath, I... simply was going with the flow.

I scraped a box earlier.  Had to patch it up.  I tried one of the patches recently obtained, for my medical kit.  That and a single portion pouch of triple anti-biotic cream.  Perfect.  Am glad to have those.  I was worried it would come off in the shower.  On, still, without any sign of failure!  Very nice.

I set the pillow to another go.  It might be done, or at least finished on the cycle.  If so, I'll check it.  If still moist in there, I may give it another shot.  I will turn the heat down, though.  Just so many cycles on... what is the setting? sanitize?  Something.  But it does well with the whites I use it with.  Still, down to medium, and one or two more runs should see the thing dry... maybe for tonight if I can keep up.

What a shower.  If I can do it again tomorrow, I will.  Absolutely delicious.  Even the dying like being clean.  I may live terribly, but it isn't by choice.  Wonderful.

A reasonable nap.

.

.

At least for me.  Snap naps, rocket naps, power naps?  Keep them.  I'll take my one to three hour shutdowns.  This was right exactly in the middle, or almost.  It was a bit cooler than hoped, but not quite frigid.  And I was able to adjust things to gain enough warmth to be toasty, finally, and settle in.

I did wake, and have to eat some candies.  I had way overshot on insulin.  Don't know what I was thinking, but that was difficult.  I caught it just before it became a real problem.  Then, while waking, took a few more doses.  Even so, I am taking far less than I used to.  I consumed, all total, probably less than a roll of diabetic carb candies.  Well, and at about a fiftieth the cost.

Oh, I get why to make the expensive.  So as to not use them.  The problem is, if I make a mistake, or as I am just coming into diabetic control, things get really shaky.  There isn't a way to always bet right, dose perfectly, eat exactly just so.  The body has a way of it's own, and often I am just along for the ride... but with some ability to react to things it wouldn't, can't, won't, doesn't, see or understand.  That's as good as it gets, often.  I just can't afford the luxury of limitations, at times.  Perhaps one day.  And soon, if these things work out.

A bit achy, in the neck and shoulders.  Ah!  The other pillow is in the wash.  That will do it.  Not sure if I put that in the dryer, will go do that now, or check on it...  Nope, hadn't.  Set to go now.  Gosh, I hope I can get it dry by bedtime.  If not, tomorrow.  Suffering is no fun, but knowing it is limited helps.  I might have a small spare throw I could use as an auxiliary pillow if the drying takes too long.

Dreams, of people, places, and events...  I am never sure if they are me, were around me, or were of others.  Easy to judge.  And, sometimes, I do.  Even if I am the lead.  The things I see.  Victor, victim, perpetrator, sinner, saint... play all the parts.  Not necessarily right, good, correct, or evil... just... there it is.  Sometimes I wake, seeming to be talking about things as if I was various parties in the dream.  Accusations, questions, sometimes answers.  Sometimes no answers.  This last month, for certain, has been filled with that.  Every time I sleep, I think, mostly?  It seems so.

I had considered writing of them here.  But you are such fragile beings.  I thought about logging them offline.  But I don't want them to ever be found, read.  Not even that they are all that bad, all of them.  But more, I think they are personal, to somebody.  I... don't think it is me, mostly.  Imagine if I saw, lived, your dreams... where you were trying to resolve big or little issues from childhood to adulthood.  And then I just spilled them across this blog.

Sure, almost no one reads here.  But that... isn't the point.  Sometimes they see me, sometimes not.  Sometimes I have offered inputs, solutions or resolutions or even sympathy or empathy.  Not just for the aggrieved, but for the sinner too.  It's never too late, even if you still want the sin.  Let it go, ask for forgiveness, attempt to set your heart against that in the future.

The only thing I won't kill is hope, in my heart.  But that hope isn't, necessarily, for this world.  I only live here, for now, for a while.  This isn't my home.  I will try to leave it a bit better, but that, in the end, won't be possible.  That is, often, some mistaken attempt to hold onto this world.  My rotting corpse, itself, will undo anything else I might try to do as I die.  Even that will be a burden placed on someone else.  No, but I can let them know about hope, as I fade.  And the truth of life, here but more there.

Anyway...  Up and trying to sort back through things.  the rest helped, even if the kink in my neck and upwards took a step back.  I needed rest, the pain is a slight price comparatively.  Be well, all.  I do pray for you.  Especially those who suckle a hard heart.  I... know that.  I pray for us the more.  Amen.

A nap, I think.

.

.

I did have a lunch, of sorts.  Cheese sandwiches and water.  Insulin was taken as well.  I kept hoping to get something going.  And I may, in time.  Just not yet.  So sleepy.  I thought it might be because it was cold, but that isn't it.  I am just wearing down.  Dreaming while awake even.  Awake?  Sitting in my chair, reading and searching data.

I will put the pillow in the dryer.  Then go on to see about a nap.  I'll set the alarm for... three or four hours, hoping to wake sooner.  And likely to wake sooner.  I just want something set to ring in case I don't wake up at a reasonable time.  It is a pleasant day, I just can't stay awake.

Good afternoon, and day.  Later.

The strangest sounds.

.

.

Enough to, first, get my attention, then get me to do something.  Check.

Out front, at least.  Spooky.  In part because I didn't know what it was, but also... lots of... something... somethings?  So, to the door I went.  But, I had to get the thing unlocked and etc.  Finally, ready to open.  I thought, as is typical, to swing it wide and just... but... no.  I had no idea what was on the other side.

So I... slowed down.  I relaxed, listened, and considered.  Beyond slowing down, actually stopping my planned action, I also considered potential reactions.  And, actual initial actions.  Breaching the door, but slowly or quickly, partly or fully?  Very partly, but very quickly, it was decided.

The screen door was of some use, as a bit of a defense.  Something really was out there, lots of somethings.  And other things?  Really, I was in a bit of a fit.  I opened the door very quickly, sharply, instantly, to an eighth or tenth of the arc, then peeked out just at the cut of the door.  Many.

A herd of sheep, being guided by horsed people, dogs too I think.  Headed east.  I didn't wave or bother.  Glad to know.  Such a strange number of noises, I couldn't ignore.  Felt much better.  I prefer to live in such a neighborhood, if that is slowly being lost.  I am almost surprised those animals aren't just run over, these days, by traffic or truckers... not even bothering to stop, and if caught, just tell them to send a bill to... someone else... who may or may not pay it.  Still, for now, it is still happening.

Stats were taken.  BP is still a bit high, at 130/86 but pulse is good at 79.  Blood sugar, considering pasta last night, wasn't bad at 148 non-fasting... 216 average for the week.

I haven't filled any waterers yet.  But I did get a few ready, set them in the pale of fresh water, with lids off, down in, soaking.  Just the small ones.  I need another pale of water.  After having done stats, I will check on the pillow and else.  I would really like to get a shower going before long, then also some dishes soaking.

If I can get that far, I may take a short nap, with the hope of doing chores this evening, and breaking down boxes yet today.  Mostly just hopes, but little things going forward.  Tired, slightly achy, a bit sleepy, but... a few things going on.  And... a wonderful view from my porch.  I may not be good with animals, but I would have liked to have been a herdsman, at least for a while.  Something calming about the whole process... yes, even their ends.  There is a peace to seeing the beginning to end, and a productive life.

Later.

It takes some time.

.

.

Still, starts have begun.  Breakfast is just finished.  Oh, yes, I am one of the slowest eaters you will meet.  If I have to, I can eat a bit faster.  And, sometimes, if a ribeye is cooked for me, I could eat that at a more than reasonable pace.  Still, it generally takes an half hour to hour for me to properly eat.

More water in.  Watermelon flavored water arrived yesterday.  It just has a hint, without sugar or any sweetener.  Just the echo of a shadow of the flavor.  If sugar is no longer part of your diet, you can taste it, get the hint.  Perhaps enjoy it.  I just like a little variety.

Medicine, including insulin, is in.  The timer is counting down for when I take readings.  I give food two hours and more to settle, and insulin to work.  Regular medicines, if just them, I give an half hour.  Still, when all bundled, and everything is to be tested, I give the greater amount.  Tick-tock, testing soon.

Oh, and I did get the pillow down and into the wash.  It should be ready to flip in about half an hour to hour.  It does take a very long time to dry the thing.  It might not be ready tonight.  Still, it is worth the effort and sacrifice of a night.  A few things going is... at least a start.  If it is all that gets done, so long as I keep up on the pillow, it is at least something.

I am hoping to refill the last of the waterers today, as well.  I have one set ready to go, tonight, regardless.  Daily chores, I have to do them daily.  And, if it begins to freeze, twice daily.  I'll do my best.

A bit tired, still.  Weary of flesh.  But it isn't as bad, at the moment, as hit can be, has been, probably will be.  A bit sleepy too, just not enough to actually go back to bed.  A nap later?  Maybe.  The pains from this morning, which were mild, have abated.  Fog of mind still persists, but lightly.  Doing much better, if still not in good enough shape to actually employ the better situation.  A piece at a time.

I'd like to game, but I don't think I have what it takes for that.  Still too foggy for that, tired, disinterested as well.  Hoping, when the alarm goes off, I can do a little more than just take stats... perhaps check on the pillow, maybe shower, who knows...  just... do something.  If I can, I'll set the alarm for a few more hours, then try to do something then.  If not, reset the alarm for after that.  Keep trying to get something done.  Later.

Awake and doing moderately well.

.

.

All medicine was taken last night.  Including insulin.  I have already taken morning medicine.  Breakfast is 'brewing', I like giving the chia fifteen to twenty minutes to soften.  I am giving it fifteen minutes, then will stir, get a dose of insulin ready, give it five more minutes, that take insulin and food all at once.  Oh, but before all that, electrolytes and water.

I will continue with electrolytes, daily, to the end of the week.  Friday, Sunday... whatever I sense seems to be long enough.  After that, I will take it if feeling dry, or parched... of skin or tongue.  And, perhaps, every few days just in case.  It has helped.  I think it is helping reduce headaches, and severity.  Though that is probably a group of things helping, including lower bp, pulse, and blood sugar control.  Well, and two pillows.

I am going to try to remember to get the other pillow in and through today.  Clean pillows really are wonderful.  They suggest not to wash, but I think they just want you to buy new all the time.  I can't afford good new pillows yearly.  And probably wouldn't if I could, as I think that is a scam.

A warm, good, long sleep.  I am pretty sure I went to bed at about 20:00.  Oh, and I did get the waterers refilled, and chores done.  I did something else.  The only thing I couldn't finish was getting a shower.  Today, I hope.  Pray.  I love showers, when I can stand for them, or even lean against the wall.  Brutal when even taking a shower is a difficult task, and that in the better phase of a downside?  Right.  Brutal.  Still, it's what I have.  I'll... see to it.  Hopefully today.

I woke at 05:55.  I woke several times, earlier, through the night.  But knew not to try to fully wake or get out.  A good, warm, mostly, sleep.  My feet seem odd, a bit numb.  Can't always tell if they are cold or hot.  They are improving.  But getting used to not having so much mass, from excess water, will take a while.  The toenails are really improving though.  Between shedding fluid to having shoes that fit.  Life is much better... just a bit wonky until the new reality is more completely... understood?  Something.

Time to stir breakfast and set up insulin.  Then begin sorting out the day.  Good morning and day.

I... I can't.

.

.

Falling, failing, dropping into sleep.  I will get medicine down, including slow acting insulin.  I don't hurt.  Actually, I can't feel anything.  Oh, a bit of nausea.  The rest is numb.  I think I have had strong anesthesia before.  Where everything feels... puffy?  Yes.  And numb.  Like... a marshmallow suit of armor.

What is causing that is anybody's guess.  There must be something causing pain, and a reaction to it?  This is the type of pain relief I get when I had cracked ribs, or other similar.  Not sure why it triggered now.  Feels great, on the one hand.  But it's like having ones parachute deploy before jumping.  Pretty useless, I think?

Anyway.  That is that.  I am going to go on up to bed.  Yes, just downed pill medicine.  Will go get insulin.  Then on to bed.  What an... annoyance.  Goodnight.

Food.

.

.

Not good food, but... food.  Pasta.  Angel hair pasta, with butter, salt, and else.  I looked at the carbs, then per serving thing so looked at how many servings per package.  That... wow.  I think a cup of sugar would have been a lot less?  Or similar?  Nasty.  Still, it was made, and I don't have anything else.

Trying to get going all day, to absolutely no good ends.  I wasn't hungry.  But I knew I needed food.  I turned the heat up, but that wasn't doing a thing.  I want a shower, and to reset waterers.  So troubled.  Pushing, but it's like in those dreams, where you are running from or to something, but your legs aren't doing the trick.  Only it is real waking life.

Will see if the food does any good, or if it was a total waste of blood sugar reset moments.  I took a large dose of insulin, but that only does just so much.  I really want a shower, but was almost falling down just making tea.  My body didn't have enough of whatever it burns to function.  It wasn't as bad as it has been, can be, but it was dragging me down fairly hard.  I had to have something, this was just what I had on hand that I could make.  Will see shortly.

The goal is to give it all about an hour, then get a shower, do waterers, and chores.  Then anything else possible.  Just doing those things is... pushing it.  But I do have some hope, since I was able to even get food prepped and eaten.  A bit nauseas, was that way before food, not getting worse, so... should be good.  Later.

Stats...

.

.

BP is 131/90 with a pulse of 77.  The pulse is rather good, but the others are slipping.  I did miss medicine last night, but made it up by taking it immediately, then taking morning medicine four or five hours later.  So, slipping on schedule, frequently.  Only sometimes able to make it up.  It is having a negative affect, but... still... mostly... holding.  Ugh.  I really have to figure out how to keep schedules on this.  If... that has always been a struggle.

As written before, it definitely beats 150/110, and certainly 215/180 with a pulse of 140.  How did I even live through that for six months at a time, several times in a row?  Some critters just... don't die well?  That really should have killed me, or at the least given me a stroke or heart attack, especially having gone through extended periods of it, with high blood sugar, and over decades.  Take what you can get.

Blood sugar isn't perfect, at 127 non-fasting.  But I did remember slow acting insulin last night, and have been eating rather minimally.  As well, I have been dosing when I eat.  Should have tested this morning, if I suspect... from inputs and this, that it might have been high.  Higher to be sure.  Though, you can't ever quite be sure.

I am going to see about setting up waterers, again.  And getting something to eat.  I may need to eat in order to do anything.  I am just not sure I have anything readily available.  I may have pasta, or beans, somewhere.  Oh, and I have one more pack of frozen burritos.  Adding cheese to melt on top, and sour cream, changes the micro nutrient arrangement.  As would a handful of walnuts and a fatted tea.  Though, really, I need water.  Getting a bit parched.  Also considering eyedrops.  My vision has improved, if I can get past the dryness.

I'm not so sleepy as to want a nap.  But I have begun to exhaust very quickly... which is why I think I need food.  Always something, and yet I am able to try things.  I am able to think about what is wrong and what might correct the problem(s).  I may be mostly dead, but in a better form of it.

Good numbers.  I might be a bit under the weather, still, but... I... might find a way out from under this stormcloud.  At least I am not freezing, today anyway.  Later.

Not a bad start.

.

.

Breakfast.  Nothing fancy, chia again.  Though I had a large plain tea with it.  I finally have tea brewing down.  Lower temps, longer brew, is preferred.  I purchased green tea, without doubts, and will be trying that soon.  Though, I suspect, with it, I will need to brew at lower temps for shorter times, more like, say, 155 F for three minutes.  I will have to test.  And, each tea will be a little different.  As will preferences.  Which may change over time as well.  Tastes mature, give room for them to do so, be ready for them to do so.  If maturity is different for different folk?

As well, I keep using an electrolyte powder.  Usually I mix it with my carbonated water.  Though, sometimes, I mix it with tea, as today.  I am slightly dehydrated.  I can't drink enough, it seems, lately.  I am not sure if carbonated water... if I am beginning to reject it.  Or maybe the meds are making drinking as difficult as eating.  There are other options.

I had tea, today, to mix it up a bit.  But tea is more difficult to drink than carbonated water, and coffee is way out.  I simply, for the last month, have been incapable of drinking coffee regularly.  I tried, for a while, as means of getting cream... thus fat... into my diet.  It became impossible.  I wondered if it was coffee or cream, but with chia breakfasts beginning, and using cream in that, cream is not the problem.

Oh, right, I do have chicken bone broth in the freezer.  A quart or two of that, heated and then with butter or cream added... per week?  Yes, a big cup, every other day?  Yes, that might work.  More as an "afternoon" (well after "breakfast"... first meal) thing.  And, probably, it could be sufficient to itself.  Not every day, but most days?  Something like that.

Can't be sure how much I actually ate, yesterday, but... it consisted of the three tablespoon chia breakfast and two burritos.  That was it, save for several bottles of water, electrolyte solution, plus vitamins and minerals.  And, actually, that is more than I have been eating lately.  I am hoping to have cheese and meat sandwiches later, one or two.  And, maybe, something else?  Sardines?  A can?  Maybe.

The other day I thought I'd eat two cans of sardines.  Nausea barely allows one.  While that is improving, it's... not fully corrected yet.  I won't push it.  But one can might do.  You'd think I'd lose weight.  But with activity almost completely curtailed, I don't think weight loss is possible.  Still... at least I shouldn't be gaining.  Especially with water problems being solved.  Ugh...

I'll keep at things.  But, for now, it's mostly little or nothing.  Just doing breakfast about sent me back to bed.  Wore me out.  I am still going to at least try to get to chores, and the final cat effort, clearing their litter.  Bleh.  Pushing to do such little things is such an affront.  I used to be truly potent, strong, able.  This sucks.  I'll keep trying.

I did call my mother.  And she answered.  She was getting fussy, about things.  But, then, I think, recently, remembered that she is nearing 80.  Yes, mother, that... does make a difference.  Not that she can quit, only... given the givens.  She sounded rather chipper.  It was a good talk.  No... real information to transfer.

It was good to hear that she got out.  Some good home cooking over the weekend.  And I could at least report slightly better doings here, with potential for more.  It is good to just hear her voice, and know she is well.  She is pushing things, but... that is how our family does.  I can't tell her not to do what I do myself?  I... will just keep her in my prayers.  We play and work as hard as we can, even if it kills us.  It's how we... do.  Still, a hardy lot, we don't die well, or even break easily.  How many times has she fallen?  How many times have I died?  Meh.  Later.

What a pleasant sleep.

.

.

Too warm, often.  Made up for the frigid sleep, nap, whatever.  That was horrible.  The neck and shoulders are becoming relaxed and such, with the extra pillow.  Still, washing and drying the other one today would be a super treat.  If I can get to it, or anything else.

I am finally feeling better.  Lungs are sated, no tunnel vision for... a while, mostly.  That still comes and goes, if for just a pinch of time at a time.  Medicine seems to be working.  And I am able to take the medicine.  But that isn't enough.  If I can't begin cleaning and walking, cooking, sorting, and living, the medicine is of absolutely no use to me.

However.  Having walked the medicines to, basically, the goal line, and being mostly conscious and able to adjust things, perhaps something else can be added, or subtracted, adjusted, to allow some function.  I never gave up, before.  I merely got swept away.  Taking the medication made it so that I couldn't talk, or function, or adjust.  I have a phone appointment coming up.  Best check when that is... soon... tomorrow, this week, next?

Having made it this far, I am hoping my doctor will be able to get me back into the game, but with bp managed.  Then on to a bit more of life.  I'll never be able to go back to school, or even work.  With ssd gone, I could work without risking anything, at this point.  And, I tell you, if I could, I would.  I am, so far this week, doing good to be up, randomly in the day, perhaps six to twelve hours.  And I wouldn't be trainable.  So even a phone job, customer service, wouldn't work well.  Yea, I am thinking.  If I had a way out, I'd grab it.

Then again, even if I can't get employ, if I could just get back in shape and clean and sort the house... that would be good.  Currently, while feeling good, my only real two options, save very short spells on my feet, are sitting here or sleeping upstairs.  Well, I suppose I could sit in the living room and play console games.  Only... I can't focus quite that far.  Not quite yet.

A few adjustments, adds, minuses, whatever... and a few more weeks or months... and I really might finally be back to something.  Well, there is the hope.  On to breakfast, already had meds save insulin, and hydration... which is slightly lackluster...  Hopefully more, later.  Chores, the girls' needs, laundry, and just maybe some dishes.  Later.

Ah, right.

.

.

Frustrations.  I get it.  So, I've tucked away my thoughts regarding some pops.  Give it a week or two.  It may be back.  I get it.  I'm not sure if it hits believers or disbelievers hardest?  I don't care.

A few frozen burritos.  Not tasty, not good for me, but mostly edible and warm.  Just two, if that is still a lot of carbs.  I didn't have another food option I was able to do much with.  Fresh eggs, but requires cooking, baking, time, and effort.  I can stand, now, without pain or exhaustion.  It's more, now, to concentration.  I can't.

Feeling a bit better, but still, it's time to go on to bed, again.  No shower, I just can't sort it out.  But, tomorrow, should be doable.  Love those things.  As well, perhaps, washing the other pillow.  The one I did washed fluffed so well, like new.  And it smells good.  I am truly enjoying it, can't wait to get the other sorted.

Minor aches, neck, shoulders, base of the skull.  Partly from sleeping with one lackluster pillow, partly from sitting here at the machine for most of my waking time.  I... want to do things, shower, laundry, dishes, but I just don't have it in me.  I'll keep trying, praying for it.  Worth the while.

Anyway...  Oh, I did go back to see what I had written or played.  Okay.  I was half out of it at the time, don't remember the whole of it, or the gist, can't read well currently, but, yeah, okay.  The dreams I have, even while awake at times, in the death zone... wait until you get there.  I am not sure everyone sees, or on this side.  If you do, you will... may... understand.  Or... not.  But, maybe.  Hold judgment, is all I suggest.

On to bed.  Oh... but meds and insulin first.  Goodnight.

I sometimes really don't get it.

.

.

Then a few hints show up.

I forget how fragile some of you are.  Hungry too.  I have spent decades letting go of what... effected me.  And, while, I am still not dead, I don't have the same reaction to things that others do.  I forget, sometimes, that right after getting enough food, procreation is the next thing.  And, with food being pretty much automatic these days, that leaves most people thinking about the one thing I have stopped thinking about.

Oh, sure, it... creeps in, even here.  As memories, thoughts, dreams, often even as relish if for no other reason than that it seems to go along, or be part of, other aspects being discussed, examined, remembered.  Look, sex and sexy are... a massive part of who we are, lie about it as we might attempt.  Even a devoted celibate is not immune, fully.

Shivered the whole time.

.

.

Didn't get down for a nap until a bit after 12:30... as few as a few minutes, as many as an hour later.  I just can't be sure.  I looked. Don't know.  Up around 16:30.  Shivering, miserable, well... all save the last half hour to hour.  Even then, mostly uncomfortable.

I wanted to wake up, get something to eat, do something.  Being in misery wasn't lost on me, consciously.  I simply could not wake to do so.  No, it wasn't that cold.  And I set blankets well.  I even had a small snack before bed.  It wasn't the chills, from illness, or such.  It was truly just a cold body which wouldn't warm.  Shivering often, eventually warms the body.  Not this time.

Now, waking, I am sore from having shivered.  I'll... see about a bit to eat, feeding and watering critters, perhaps getting trash out, then back to bed?  Or... soon... as I can.  Perhaps a shower, too.  Oh, and should take medicines, now that I am up.  Hungry, just not... interested.  Nausea has passed, so if I can sort out something to eat, I may be able to eat.

Even so, this is a better day.  The extra pillow helps.  Sleeping when I need to sleep, even if it is messing things up, helps.  A shower would be great, and is possible.  Most pains are small, aches too.  Not bad, just... not getting anything done, not able to get anything done.  Still, espying the list of things to do with some small hope that a few things may get checked off.  Amen.

Another nap, but earlier.

.

.

Alright, well...  I missed medicine last night.  The nap ended being an all-night thing.  Sleep was good.  A little cold, but good.  I will reset the blankets when I go to take a nap shortly.  No sun today, or so it has seemed.  I think it was 44, outside, this morning... just as the sun was wrestling it's way clear, if clouds kept it somewhat blocked.  It doesn't seem to have improved.

I took meds while I was writing that last, or the first?  Whatever.  I will probably take medicine from last night as I go to nap.  BP is a little high, so, yeah.  Hopefully I will wake in time to take night medicine tonight.  Blood pressure is 128/87 with a pulse of 74.  While not... perfect, not terrible.  I would like to get medicine much better regulated, and see where bp will round out... then make some choices.  I won't choose until I know enough, know better.

Blood sugar was excellent.  Now, I also forgot last slow acting insulin last night... not, forgot, missed... through sleep.  I did get that this morning, along with a dose of fast acting with breakfast.  At 111 non-fasting, I won't mess with it much.  I am thinking about another can of sardines, but probably not.  What about nausea makes sardines seems right or wrong.  Ugh.  Yea, I am still suffering that occasionally.  Daily.  Usually.  I can, sometimes, eat past it.  Sometimes not.  Not... currently.  Certainly not with the options.

Oh, part of the problem had been sleeping with one pillow, or at least very recently.  My neck seems permanently out these days, so it wasn't the whole problem.  But, it added to the problems in that part of my anatomy.  I am having to readjust to having two pillows, but the readjustment is far better than being without.  Glad I bothered returning down the steps to retrieve it, in spite of really not wishing to do so last night.  What a wonderful gift to myself.

Well...  I would like to eat something.  Maybe  a cheese sandwich?  Or, well, probably not.  I just... I am hungry.  Nausea, however, has won out.  Later.

Awake.

.

.

No sure idea when I went to bed.  Or when I woke.  Only, it is 06:05 now.  I used the restroom, fed the girls, heated water, ground some flax and stored it.  I did find the old jar I have been using, but suspected it would have freezer burn smell and taste, so got a new container.  Then set up a breakfast.

I took breaks between parts of those things.  So it might have been a couple hours, or more, since waking.  Hmm... actually, I am pretty sure it was 04:32 when I woke.  Well, and I have been watching videos.  Someone went looking through previous music posts, and I... wanted to see if there might be a point, theme, or such.  If so, nothing unfamiliar, or necessarily linking to anything recent?  Ties in well, if you... understand.  Or don't.  :p

Breakfast is just ready.  Adding a bit of flax, for the fiber, doesn't change the flavor since I have been adding turmeric all along.  Though, too, I have added a bit of ground black pepper in.  I can't remember if that is for the turmeric or the flax, but I do remember it opens the body to some of their nutrients.  And, while I can't taste the black pepper?  It causes saliva.  I always sort of knew that, but to experience in, from direct experimentation, and so plainly, is... sweet.  Something very interesting about it.  I could see adding a touch of black or white pepper to desserts, for the same effect, to be quite honest.  Salivation, directly from food, is... a little joy.

Dreams.  Such dreams.  This time I will not explore, explain, or remember them here.  The last time I did that, some people seem to have choked on their tongues.  I... thought I had gotten people past their baser natures.  But, no.  I... apologize.  These?  Not necessarily in that direction.  But, to, not a step further into going beyond what I think wise to share... five step further.  No... I won't share these.  Perhaps I shouldn't have shared the others.  Waking exuberance.

Breakfast is truly a pleasure.  Back to seeing what was all the rage last night.  For... whoever visited.  Good morning and day.  Oh, and get to church, you lout.  Say a prayer for me, as I lay dying.  Amen.

A nap, before long.

.

.

With chores done, and milk and cream delivered, it may be time to go on to bed.  I wished to stay awake long enough to test blood pressure and sugar.  BP is 123/83 with a pule of 76.  I don't care, that is good.  Especially having missed a couple of night meds recently, somehow.  Blood sugar wasn't great, at 235 non-fasting.  I had breakfast... two, closer to three or more, hours ago.  Not happy with it, but it is done.

I am about to have some sardines, take another dose, and hopefully get a nap going.  Hoping for just a nap, one to three hours down.  The day is, or was, sunny.  And it was warmer this morning.  Can't tell how things are turning out now.  Can't do much about it.  But, if it would get and stay a bit warmer, there is a chance I could do a few things out there.  Maybe.

The savory version of the chia seeds were pretty good.  Needed a bit more salt than I would like.  However, I think, with a bit of practice, I can add other spices, possibly more butter, and adjust the salt down.  Though, right now, a bit extra salt is probably good, as I claw my way toward ketosis.  Being low on salt while going into ketosis is one of the things which will lead to keto flu.  Which is every bit as rough as regular flu.

Yea, I'll get a bite ready, dose with insulin, then sleep for a bit... or at least rest.  Good afternoon and day.

Wetly warm yet frigid?

.

.

That's what I would call it.  It is 42 out there, at around 09:00.  It doesn't look like it rained recently, but it is very moist aground.  The grasses dripping with it.  I thought there would be plenty of food still with the rabbits, but no.  They were all dry.  So, again, they have been fed a double day of feed.  Perhaps as the cold sets in they simply need more food.  Waterers were changed as well.  I need to refill the complete, or nearly, set.

On the way in, I remembered the pillow.  It has been run through the dryer several times.  Three, if I had to guess.  Once with other items, twice on it's own, usually on the hottest setting but the last was on a medium.  I am not sure if it is actually dry, but it's getting there.  Hands were too cold from being outside to decipher dryness.  Still, in it went, on a medium heat.

Now I am setting up a breakfast.  Same old, for now, until I can get to the store and get something else.  I'd like to do chia pudding, say, three times a week?  It is good food.  Oh, I will be, this morning, trying it with butter, salt, pepper, onion, garlic, and cream... perhaps a touch of turmeric, to test positive for that as a savory.  I'm pretty sure it will work, but heaven knows, ever, on anything, without trials.

Oh, a new flavor of perrier, new to me.  Pineapple.  Just sampling it for the first time this morning.  If nothing else, the flavors offer a zero carb something-something.  I only buy the flavors, or even unflavored, when the price is good enough.  I like having an alternative once in a while.  Like them?  Well, it's better than more insulin, right?  Or even more keto food, expensive as it is... or demanding.  Either you eat dirty keto, because real keto from production is either too expensive or unpalatable... or you roll up your sleeves and cook every damn thing from scratch, using special ingredients and equipment... or you quit and just eat easy trash.  Choices, choices.  I do as well as I can within the first two, going for the last when all else fails.  And, sometimes, it does.

I am still so hungry I could eat a quarter beef, or sure feel like it.  If someone butchered and cooked a steer, cooking bits and pieces as I could eat it, I think you would be surprised how far I could eat my way through the beast before yielding.  I am hungry in a disparate way.  I have to sort this out, or death or worse will solve the problem.

Hoping to get another shower in, get the litter pans cleared, start some of the dishes, and begin at least creating a shopping list.  Salad and burger would be good, pork and chicken is needed, oh, and I really need to dig into those eggs.  But, on the way, being as tired as I am, I may have to feed myself while out.  Can't shop, clean, cook, and eat solo.  Not quite yet.

Later.

No idea when I went down.

.

.

The last text, sent, was at 19:19.  I truly wanted to go right back to bed, but couldn't for an hour, two, maybe three.  Still, I would bet  it was more like an hour and a goodly lot of change after when I finally hit, so around 21:00, plus or minus half.  So tired I couldn't think, or remember.  Not sure I even tried.  Just getting to bed, at that point was a trick.

I have been cold, for so very long.  I may have had a few days of warmth, somewhere in there, but I don't remember them.  Sleeping or waking.  Not enough food, not always the right kind, but low on air... or so it feels.  Plus, the body just isn't up to burning fuel in any case.  Well, and not enough food is being put in.  Last night was delicious.  I was too warm, sometimes, but I didn't want to risk losing it, so kept my feet in and kept tucked down in.  Wonderful.  No, I didn't layer.  That wasn't helping.  Just soiled more clothes, more quickly, while keeping up on laundry is difficult.  I was simply exceedingly careful with blanket setup and had eaten shortly before sleep.  Oh, it is taking four the five days to fill up the pee bottles I used to fill up one to two a night.  Drinking a lot less.

It was ten to six when I woke.  Woke and crawled out.  Layered just a bit and am down doing my morning report.  I am sure I took medicines well yesterday, pills to insulin, morning through the day, and at the end.  I'll get morning medicine going shortly.  I am warming a small breakfast right away.  I wonder if a savory, rather than sweet, spicing, might be nice.  Butter, plus some cream, salt, pepper, garlic, and onion?  It would by a first.

Chores, as soon as I can.  I have enough waterers.  Their food should still be good, but I will check it all.  Today is the day I try to dig back in.  Not sure what I can do, only I know it is time to begin trying to push back through.  I need to keep up on food.  Which means I need to get in the freezer.  And, sometime soon, need to get to the store.

I kept expecting it to warm.  Though the forecast I was going by suggested a warming in the next week.  Though... those can always be wrong.  And, what a warming trend is does depend on the season.  Perhaps this HAS been seasonally warmer?  I had hoped to get concrete in for the clothes lines, put some in to block a hole where mice may be getting in, and put some in a hole in the driveway.  Not sure it will get warm enough, now, to do that.  Still have a week and a half for something to show, but... not looking like it.  Or, as mentioned, a warmer than usual simply means not freezing.

On to breakfast.  Good morning and day.

Hunger.

.

.

I had asked a friend to deliver food.  I have been unable to cook, or otherwise eat what is available.  I had not heard word, so by 16:00, had gone on to bed.  However, in the off chance he would deliver food, without texting his imminent arrival, I set out cash and hoped he would know to put the food in the fridge.  Well, also, as an option, so he wouldn't feel required to jawbone with me for an half hour to hour.

I know, you know, and he knows, that such is not required.  But, we always end up jabbering for a while, a long while.  I do enjoy the talks, but as mentioned, don't require them if that doesn't... seem to translate.  Anyway.  I left... another option open.  And, certainly, he took that option.  All good.  I was just pleased to have food!

He must have texted shortly after delivering the food.  I was absolutely famished!  Though sleeping, my hunger hadn't left.  I must have heard the text, somewhere back in there, and turned.  I don't remember hearing the text at all.  Still, less than a minute after the text was received, I rolled and checked the phone, and there was I informed food was here, in the fridge.

I dropped, as if a bird flying a controlled fall from the sky, brought out some of the food, that which was to be eaten.  So very hungry, but I wanted to... savor.  Yea?  Shut up.  Anyway... I set the meal out, arranged everything, delaying the meal, hoping to slow it.  Oh dear me, when it started... I inhaled it.  Couldn't do other.

So hungry, surprised I didn't get a bit of tongue in with it, at least some blood if no chunks.  Must have been terrifying, if one were to behold.  Scarf?  Of another sort.  There was money not taken.  Still, I wished to check, to ensure there had been enough.  And to thank.  I try not to be so complete, in thought, yet that is how it is when I am in this frosted thought land. I am still quite in the death zone, merely at a lower camp.  Anyway... dinner was served.

Perhaps, now, I can go back to bed for a bit.  I will check the rabbits the next time I arise.  Absolutely crashing.  Good... night?  Or something.  Oh... I did get insulin in.  I will now get night meds in.  Good night for a bit or longer.  Or more likely a lot longer.  I should have slept around 10:00, so pushing to 16:00... and things are... wrong.  Goodnight.

Someone thinks they are funny.

.

.

The responses were so varied and yet... seemed to fit.

Oh... I... get it.  There were various ways to take, and respond.

When sleep intrudes upon the day.

.

.

Each of my mothers... gave me something.  She?  Cold.  She had her limits.

Not a comfortable morning.

.

.

Between the sensation of midsection bruising, and a bit of gassiness which would resolve, possibly from the bellyache, and a sleepiness I am about to surrender to, well... and a few other things, this morning is uncomfortable.

Further, time seems to be going by so very slowly.  First, it took hours, or seemed to, to get food going then in.  Chia pudding, fried pork skin with salsa, and a few pieces of cheese finally went in.  I set an alarm for two hours, what seems like many hours ago.  At 10:02, it is a full 1:05 of the 2:30 hour timer originally set remaining.  It just isn't going fast enough.  I may end up in bed shortly.

My cells don't burn, my lungs are a bit weary but don't hurt, my heart is just slightly sore from weariness.  The bruised sensation is lightly still there, if the worst of it is just a crushing sleepiness, which actually is what hurts the heart and lungs.  Mildly, but that is what is doing it.

I would like to check the numbers, but the time isn't right, and I am very much too tired.  I'll go on up, get some more sleep, hopefully waking so as to get a few things done today.  I'll claw my way out, hopefully in time to do some things.  Good day, and night, again.

I keep praying for some of you.  Don't worry, I don't think I'm in great need.  I'll... be here for a very long time.  Suffering seems to be the only product I can create... create?  or endure?  Be well.

A few more things.

.

.

The rabbit died last night.  I checked him.  He had a wonderful pelt, he had fat, he was warm, and none of the other rabbits showed signs of stress.  I think it was just his time.  Yea, I feel bad when any animal dies for no good reason, or to any cause or use.  It was his brother who died previously.  Nearly identical.  I just think they weren't long-lived.  The blanket was still good, so I brought it back in... if I will wash it first.

Oh, and bp was probably a bit high because I did miss last night.  I was sure I had taken medicine, but it seems not.  I just rechecked, to see if I took a night group out of a missed set from this week, but, no.  I don't think so.  I had stayed up a bit long, must just have gotten confused.

Another chia breakfast coming up.  I am hoping for much better, soon.  I have fresh onions, greyer cheese, ham or deli meats, and the best, fresh eggs!  Oh, I... had almost forgotten.  I'll have a shirred egg platter before long.  Though, this time, if I remember while at it, I will hold the yolk back for the first fifteen to twenty minutes, just cooking them the last ten to fifteen minutes?  Whatever it takes.  Getting the whites to cook is taking way more time than the yolks.  While the yolks are still, say, a quarter liquid, I prefer more like half or three quarters.  Ugh but the things we have to do to get a meal just right.  Oh, and I will be dicing the onion down to where it nearly melts into the meal... diced to a t?  Some such.

I was thinking... what does gruyere taste like?  It's been a while.  A lady who visits, from time to time, suggested it.  Oh, I know I have eaten it, and quite enjoyed it.  I just... can't remember what it does taste like.  Still... nice to have a meal planned.  It makes mucking through the day a bit easier.  

I won't be testing blood sugar for a while.  A few hours after breakfast, and dosing.  On the good or bad side, I definitely did take both types of insulin last night.  I simply ate a bad food, or when it was cold which made it worse?  Who knows.  I'll... just keep at it.  Will get there.  Would rather accident high, initially, than crash... asleep or awake.  That really is a close dance with death, blood sugar drops.  Later.

Tenderly painful.

.

.

It was between 19:00 and 21:00 when I went down.  I think it was later into 20:00, like 46 after?  I can't be sure.  But thereabouts.  Waking just at 03:30, give or take a few minutes.  Sleep was mostly good.  Innards still feel like a knotted bruise, but an easier one, as the bruise is finally breaking up.  I've had more bruises than you have had dreams, by far.

Stats are all a bit to a lot high.  I'll scratch that and take them after meds.  I know why some of them are high, not others.  However, from the way of things?  I may put that other heart medicine back into play if the numbers continue to run higher.  Hmm... I still want to give it a few days.  And, maybe, I should check bp only after taking medicines, and then an half hour.

My feet aren't just looking better.  My gnarled toenails are... moderating.  Further, as mentioned, they fit size 15 mediums just about perfectly, even with thick socks.  Wonderful.  I wore twelves until the Navy, for there really weren't bigger, save for custom, in my areas.  The Navy got me into thirteens.  And... I thought that was it.  I thought my feet were deformed for their nature, not the wrong shoe size.

Just recently, after buying shoes for a good worker from time to time... as his feet grew, I started wondering.  A literal measurement, from information from him, finally led me to understand I should be in, at least, 15's.  Of course, with swollen feet, that wasn't the whole of it.  Though I didn't realize that as the problem then.  

Finally, I had shoes that mostly fit, but kept trying to find the righter sizes.  It wasn't until I had several new shoes and boots, and the swelling, for the first time in years, decades more likely, went away, that I find myself with a stable of good shoes.  I also have one which is definitely larger yet, a work boot.  But that will handle two thick socks if need be.  And I have one other I need to try on, which might be a bit larger as with the boots.  If so, I will probably still keep them, in case I have a bad day/week with water.  I don't think that is permanently gone.  With three or four pair of boots and shoes which fit, and two larger, I am... finally able, after four decades, to put my best foot forward on any given day.

And, as mentioned, my toes are normalizing.  Not always squished together, or shoved from the toe into the body, they are improving.  I may see about a pedicure, twice a month, to get the last of the curls and barbs out.  Those helped with the pain, but with the source of the pain gone, now, just a few might complete health.  I'd love to continue with those, but not required.  A few sessions should get them righted.  Oh my God, but what the right size shoes can do!

To imagine the horrible pains, just from that, which have been ended.  To further realize that that suffering was only a trivial of the many I suffer.  It was almost never discussed, compared to the kidneys, abdominals, bone, muscle, headaches/migraines, and others.  You have no idea...

Later.

Rough, if roughly better.

.

.

I have to go on to bed.  I will check on the furry eared one first.  I think I will take him a blanket.  Just a little pet one.  It'll probably get ruined, but...  And whether it will help or not.  Still, I want to try something.  That is what I can do.

Blood pressure is 129/82 with a pulse of 78.  Strange, how those things are running.  A little higher, but livable.  The pulse is what really surprises me.  Whatever.  I am just an observer, trying to get medicine in, let it do it's thing.  Not a lot I can do elsewise.  Now, blood sugar almost scares me.  At 126, with limited dosing, it's a bit spooky.  That's a 233 point drop from my last read, with only a normal dose... if with an added slow acting dose missed last night.

I will be hitting another slow acting dose, as I go to sleep.  But just the usual.  It's a bit of a risk, but I hate missing doses.  We will see.

I'm still a bit rough.  Sleepiness is taking the edge off.  In a few days, if pain persists, I will try anacin.  Unless it has been stolen, again.  I will sleep better, with chores done.  And the critters tended as possible.  Fed, and else.  Still, hoping to wake before too many hours and get to a few more things.  I should put the whites in the dryer, while heading out that way.

A shower, first thing, would be grand.  I am doing a good deal better, if there is still a lot of slop and pain in the mechanisms.  I'll keep at it.  But doing a lot... a little... mostly... partly... better.  I'll keep at it.  The steps seem to be leading somewhere.  Good day and night.

A tough day.

.

.

Having gotten some things done, I am pleased with the day.  I am doing very small extra things... checking on the rabbit, feeding the girls, and such.  My throat is dry.  I am using a lot less sweetener, and mixing what I do use, so am using a lot less liquid sucralose.  I almost wonder if that isn't part of the dry throat.

I have monkfruit, a mix of it and erythritol I think.  But I have ordered other sweeteners.  The idea is not only to find ones which work better with diabetes, but also work better with various cooking and baking jobs.  The ones I am ordering this month have arrived.  How fast I will get to trying them is another matter.  But I do think a now seemingly permanent aftertaste is from one, the other, or the cutting of one.  Though I think blood sugar numbers are better, given what I am eating and what doses of insulin I am taking.  If, of course, that... seems to still be jumping and collapsing at odd times.

 I lost track of... everything, for a while.  Getting tired, body is aching again, neck bones hurt.  Still, I would like to stay up for two more hours, for sure, testing bp and blood sugar then.  And, doing a final check on the rabbit.  I am getting him out, holding him, warming him a bit.  I hold him until he thinks he should run, then hold him a bit longer, petting him and warming him.  I'll do what I can for him.  Not sure he will make it, but will try to give him extra attention and what care I may the next few days.

His poor health is pulling my out of my own troubles.  Later.

Very hit or miss.

.

.

Some days are that way.  Still, I was able to get some things done.  The rabbits were fed and watered.  Ducks were given food, and water was run for them as well.  I got the pillow and case down, soaked them for a bit.  They were looking pretty good, so I put them in the wash.  The first time on cold.  But they looked so good, I put another load of whites in with them, and hit hot with soap and bleach.

Eventually, I got started on breakfast.  I looked over the ham rounds.  They are good enough for keto.  Perhaps dirty keto, but it's what I can do at the moment.  Still, I wasn't ready to make eggs, so just did another batch of chia.  I'd like to add flax, but that would take finding the flax in the freezer, pulling out some to grind, grinding, then storing that (back in the freezer).  Ugh.  No.  Still, it's on my mind.

I just got morning meds down, and insulin with breakfast.  Oh, and I realize some of the problem.  I didn't take the slow acting last night.  I got that in this morning, so... it may help.  Doing my best.

The exhaustion that hit earlier seems to have mostly past.  Not that I am in superior shape, but I am not failing quickly just with a few steps.  Dang, but I enjoy that chia.  It really is pretty good, cheap, and else.  Weird?  Yeah.  But what isn't weird the first time you eat it.  Or, really, even probably the thousandth?  Food is weird.  Sex is weird, actually.  Even as many times as I have had it, I... it's weird.  Wake up, on any given day, and do something other than what is planned.  Weird.  Heck, even doing the same thing you have done for decades, sometimes... even that... is just weird.  So, get over it.  Try something new, or very old, just to remember what it is like to challenge your notions... at least if it is good or right.  You know what you shouldn't try.  You... know.  You wouldn't be reading here otherwise, or at least having a good idea.

I am trying to stay up to afternoon anyway.  Maybe later.  Not sure I will.  But I did get a lot done.  One of the rabbits is a bit off.  I want to check on him.  He's a little guy.  And, honestly, the ladies do hold up better than the gents, oddly.  Anyway, I am hoping to check on him.

Later.

Well, I don't know.

.

.

Well, finally got around to doing tests.  BP is 110/77 with a pulse of 78.  I am quite happy with that.  It is about time to take morning meds... if I am staying awake.  I think I will be awake for a while, so might as well take them.  Blood sugar is 359.  Quite annoying.  The beans must have been more trouble than I thought.  Still, I needed something more solid.  I'll have to sort that out, get lower carb, lower glycemic index food.  Or just... deal with it until I can.

I think, for now, the blood pressure medicine is as good as I can do things.  I will leave it go for a week, testing daily.  If it stays in the range, I'll keep it right there.  If it lowers a bit, I have room to cut.  If it jumps a bit, I have room to add.  At 120/80... or below, that is considered healthy.  My average since restarting meds for a bit, then beginning doing readings again, is 119.75/74.333.  So... very good.  I did have to cut meds just a bit, but it looks like it actually is doing well.  For now.  And that is with that higher reading from sleeping through a normal medicine time.

Blood sugar is high, but... it's coming done.  I don't want to crash it.  I have some limits.  It is what it is.  I'll keep working on that, and it will come under control soon enough.  I just don't want to crash really hard.  That sets me back a lot.  I'd rather ease it down, and make errors to the high side.  Sorting foods, and fasting, so as to aim for a smoother landing.  Those sugar dives are unnerving.  

When I can, and I can in time, I will get out and do chores.  Feeling really thirsty, but drinking even the bubbly water isn't very likely.  Thirsty, though, too.  I'm sort of in a troubled life, between being dehydrated, and yet thirst as a devil from diabetes.  Both are making consumption difficult.  Bleh.  It's not about perfect, it is about trying to do the right things, for the right reasons.

Praying to God for help, bowing to His wisdom, and doing one's darnedest to get it right.  Might fail.  Will have done all I can do.  And will be grateful for the opportunity.

Oh, I should check the hams.  I... forget to do that, assuming I am dealing with good companies.  If they put a bunch of sugar in there, that might be why blood sugar was so high.  I try to buy low/no carbs items.  And just expect meat to be zero carb, but am often fooled by evil producers.  They just want us to die, and are dying to help kill us.  Evil is everywhere, goes with the greed I guess.

If the ham is good, I may have some more, with a few eggs, and dose again.  Or, just a few eggs and something something?  Bacon would be good.  Later.

Terribly tired again.

.

.

Tired to the point where cells hurt... burn.  Not quite sure why that happens yet.  Not enough air, or some chemistry missing something vital, is all I can be sure of.  I did, finally, get out and get a dose of insulin... with a glass of milk to give it something to work with.

I also set up a electrolytes, with some of the carbonated water.  My feet are almost too thin.  Still, there are so many people's feet I have seen, at least when they were fit, that this is what they look like.  Athletic, I would call them, if the rest of me isn't.  On the good side, now a 15 medium fits easily.  The toebox is just right.  I need to try a pair of shoes I ordered, to see if they are in range.  If a little loose, even so, I will keep them for those... fat days.  It will happen, off and on, the rest of my life... short or long.

Aches and pains are back.  And, yes, I took painpills.  It may be working, is the frustrating things.  A lot of pain, I believe, was already being hidden by my body, as it does.  And, I suspect a lot of pain is being diminished by the painpills.  But quite a bit is still leaking through.  Plus, the exhaustion is painful in it's own right.  This may just be as good as it gets, for me, as things stand.

I want to do chores, and take a shower, then go back to bed.  Not sure I can make it.  I keep staying up, hoping I will do things, then not doing things.  Ugh.  Something about shifting, or getting off the plot?  :p  I need to either just go back to bed, or get started on a few things.  I would like to stay awake a few more hours though, so as to test bp and blood sugar.  Later.

More than a bite, or drink.

.

.

I have to have a larger meal per day.  Chia seed, while quite nice, truly, is not... heavy on the filling side.  Even with heavy cream, there is just... so little to it.  Same with cheese sandwiches.  Two slices of cheese, plus three 3" diameter slices of very thin deli meat, even doubled, is... rather light.  So, each day, I need a meal with more.

So far I haven't figured out what would be good keto food, more filling, and have it on hand.  I haven't been able to even get into my freezer, to get chops or other meats out and thawed, let alone to get back to the store and buy heftier cuts of meat.  Though meat alone won't do.  I need a fuller meal, of meat, and at least one side.  Though broccoli, salad, cauliflower, or other veggies, cooked or raw, plus else, such as sauerkraut, will do.  I need a substantial meal.

Looking in the fridge, tonight, I noticed I had purchased breakfast hams.  More like 4" diameter rounds, but much thicker than deli cuts, in there.  Six of them.  And, while not ideally keto, and nearly twice the normal allotment of carbs (for a normal diet, if just about max for my recommendations), a can of beans was seen as a good choice.  So I fried the ham, then drained and rinsed the beans... frying those after the ham was warmed.  Then adding shredded cheese.  

Shredded, from the store?  Yes.  There are hills to die on, that isn't one I will die on.  It will simply have to do.

Ah, finally, a solid meal.  I had thought about fast food, but decided on this.  Given the hour of the day, I may not have had a choice in any case.  Wonderful.  Now to remember to get a dose of insulin before too long.  Yea, a very good meal.  I have already taken heart medicine, night meds as is right at this point.  So, if I get a larger dose of insulin, I will check all the numbers in a few hours.  Hopefully getting chores done in there.  Ugh.  Sam is such a carpet shark.  I saved a portion of one of the rounds, and cut it up for her.  I... actually like doing that, after getting over the oddities of it.

I remember calling a woman spoiled, for asking me to do that for her.  But, now, I... wouldn't mind dicing her meat.  It is a gift to offer some slight relief to another human... for whatever reason.  Spoiled?  No.  Loved, I think would be the right word.  I think she had something diagnosable, but... what does it matter.  If a small action would mean something measurable... why not offer it?  We were both rather harsh on each other, if I did it more in response.  Still... interesting memories.  And she was a wonderful pussycat.

Well...  On to... waking, again, digesting, and maybe more.  Good day and waking night.  Later.

Short days, long nights.

.

.

I can't be sure when I went to bed, finally, again.  It was later than my last post.  I got lost in a haze... couldn't go to bed, couldn't wake up.  Sometime between 14:00 and 16:00, but that is totally a guess.  I kept trying to wake, it just wouldn't happen.  My stomach feels hard, as if recovering from a mule kick.  Don't kid yourself, if you get hit by something strong, it takes a long time to heal.  At this point, there isn't a point of impact, it is the total of muscles and whatever else in my belly which is taught, bruised, uncomfortable.  Sometimes it even makes me a bit gassy... but nothing which isn't probably normal.  I almost never get gassy, so, for me, it is unusual.

I made three attempts to rouse myself, to no good ends.  I only, eventually, just, woke... and that because I had a bloody nose.  I thought I had stoppered it well enough, only to find a puddle.  Gah!  I hate that.  After typing this out, and waking, I'll put the pillow and case in cold water, after soaping it a bit... to try to get the stains out.  Later, I will put it in with some other whites, bleach, soap, and...  Hmm... actually it depends on how well it came out.  If it is sticking, I may run it through a cold, bleach, run, then soak it again if that doesn't do.  Something like that.

I slept through the day, so obviously haven't taken night meds.  I was curious what the read would be.  It is 138/101 with a pulse of 95.  Blood sugar is 296 fasting.  Not the best, given it was 176 last time.  And while I did have a small meal of cheese and milk, I took 16 cc's of fast acting with it.  Still, it's the first... second... fasting below three hundred since I have started monitoring again.  And, nights are usually higher, fasting or not, than general, without ongoing insulin.  Or, generally from what I have seen.

The new painkillers are only doing so-so.  I am thinking for going back to the old ones, or the even older ones.  I will try acetaminophen, and if that fails, go back to aspirin and caffeine.  Not... for long term, just to see if something helps better, and is less dangerous, in this stage of things.  Any of these could be dangerous, at a certain level.  But... one test a week, really one dose a week... if it fails, a different type a few days later.  If I find one that works on what ails me at the moment, just stick to that, and one dose... high or normal depending on the type, perhaps twice a week... that will do.  Everything is slightly experimental.  Odd that one will work on one sort or set of pains, while another works better at another time.  I don't get that, I just know it is the way of it.  At least, when the migraine stuff works, I can normal dose it.  The others take quadruple the amounts recommended.  Odd, but true.

Oh... beside pillows, I will do chores, very shortly.  A shower sometime before dawn too, it is hoped.  A little rough, but better than I have been in months... these last few days.  Not... at it.  But the pain is diffuse, the aches more rounded than sharp, more consistent than pounding.  I always wondered why they didn't try to treat Frankenstein, say in a nursing home.  Now I know.  Too wildly strong to be treated gently, in too much pain to be soothed.  Some things have to live on their own until they can just die.  I would guess, even this moderate level of pain would cause most folk to commit suicide, or find street drugs.  I'd... rather the pain.  Yeah, I know, that makes me a freak.  I'd rather be a freak that a more broken wreck.  Amen.

Bedtime, shortly.

.

.

I can't say why I am not already in bed.  I feel pretty rough.  Neck bone aches, stomach upset... a bit.  Nothing... all that specific.  Like a very light flu or cold.  I wanted to be to bed earlier, but... Oh right!  I wanted to be awake a bit longer, to check on blood sugar.  I was afraid it would drop more.

After nearly three more hours, I put checked.  At 176, a 36 point jump from just a small piece of cheese... well, and two drops of liquid sucralose... which sometimes does, sometimes doesn't, affect blood sugar... I am satisfied that blood sugar will probably not crash.  And, if it does, I should be able to wake and deal with it.  Nothing fancy, but some hard candy... as much as it takes... then back to it in my next waking cycle.  Still, a good number.  The second best since I have started measuring again.

I would like more food, and something to drink.  The problem is I am not hungry enough to do much, and not thirsty at all.  I did have another pint... more like two... if of tea... adding two droppers of the sweetener so as to finish it off.  Very odd that.  Electrolytes do make drinking a bit easier, too.  The problem is there is a limit to how much of that I should use per day.  I have used two dose in the last twelve hours.  Which, currently, in dehydration mode, is fine.  I don't mind an extra dose every other day for the next week.  If I can handle it.  Already burning out on it, oddly.

Hmm, though... maybe... a cheddar cheese and ham sandwich?  Not so sure about a fatted tea.  Just a bit too cloying.  Thick.  Maybe a smaller bottle of water, or even a smaller glass of milk.  More insulin?  Maybe 8 to 16 cc's?  Maybe.  I'm not sure if it will jerk too much lower from a little or not.  It... gets screwy as it is coming back under control, especially with bp coming under control at the same time.  Fine, 8 cc's.  Enough to be a bit without, probably, crashing the system.  I hate that.  Then having to sort the carbs from the candy for a few days to week.  Bleh.  I do my best.

Well...  Oh, and if I can, I will do chores.  Later.

Going back to bed.

.

.

Sam finally showed up, so I fed the girls.

I will probably have the last bit of cheese left, of the smaller wheel.  Plus something to drink, perhaps fatted coffee?  Maybe.

It has been four hours, roughly, since testing then eating and two hours since I tested blood sugar without eating more.  Without more insulin, and not eating for four hours, blood sugar went down a huge bit again.  It is at 140, a hundred and eleven point drop.  Very strange.  I won't take insulin with the... tea, plain, I think, and cheese.  I did take some candies upstairs, and there is some downstairs.  That is a huge, almost scary, drop.  Especially with no insulin since it was 363?  Crazy.

Dark out, still.  Cloudy, heavily overcast or seems so and was last time I peeked out.  All good.  I haven't done chores.  I don't think I can.  But I may anyway.  Will see shortly.  And, maybe, a treat for the girls.  They don't, usually, get much.  And they won't this time, perhaps seven to twelve small bits.  Thankfully they can't count.  Every various feeding is like a feast to them, even if I'm cutting it a bit thin.  :p  They remind me, so much, of regular women... somehow.  Somethings don't matter, regardless of the species.

Later, or most likely... good... night, and day, and morning.