Some days.

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Like today?  Surprised I am still alive.  Rough.  Before work, while resting, even sleeping.  Every muscle burns.  Tired in ways I can't fully understand.  Then, when I do work, it exacerbates the fiery muscles.

Mom kept trying to have me do little things.  I had to refuse, stay focused.  The wood pile had to be parted, cut to size, then piled back for reasonable pickup.  It went from two huge piles to five still pretty huge piles.

But, that's it.  No more work for a while.  If I have to avoid going downstairs, so be it.  If I have to avoid meals, okay.  Done, for a week or two.  Though, honestly, sleep and rest are hollowing me out too?  Yes, somehow.  Hmmm... a recliner would be good.  A massive one, like the arms and bossoms of a viking giantess.  Yes.  A nephilim can dream.

Why so harsh, the muscles.  As if everything has been torn, pulled, burned to their last, and then much more.  Less burned, more just... ashes?  Ashes and pain.

On to bed.  Good night.

On to sleep.

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More trouble?  No ground, only positive and negative wires.  *shrug*  Will sort that in time.  

Had lunch.  Having taken medicine, I want to make sure to eat.  I'll eat again this afternoon.

Mom had me do just a few small chores, before closing shop.  Stubbed three of my biggest toes all at once in the efforts.  I've had worse.

Still mostly cloudy out there, outside.  And a really cool day.  The high is forecast to be 78.  Will find out.

On to bed.  Good night, day, or such.  Be well, blessings, and all.

Far more than anticipated.

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Getting the old fixture down wasn't too bad.  After a lot of hand screwing though, I went looking for the cordless drill I gave mom.  Mine would work, but it weighs a ton more, and I don't need the hammer drill feature.  Finding the right bit took some time.

Finally, to it.  That went well, if the fixture was far heavier than anticipated.  Thankfully not so much, or at a wrong angle.  I thought it would be thin aluminum, not... whatever it is.  The ballasts are probably the weight issue?  I'll find out in time.  Down, set aside.

I decided to get the riding mower hooked to the pull wagon.  So went and did that.  An easy enough task.  In a bit, I may see where she wants it, and move it there.  She... might have problems getting it out.

The new fixture was unboxed.  Mostly easy.  I... think I have installation down?  Idea-wise.  Will find out.  Had to find screws, as the others don't fit.  Then, a new bit that works with the new screws, star bit.  Bleh.

Ah, but positive, negative, and ground.  Thankfully ground is easy... bare copper.  The other two?  Old wiring.  Colors don't work, match.  Off type wiring, faded?  So... to find the multimeter.  I looked, and looked, through boxes, drawers, tool pouches, else.

Mom came out, asked what I was doing.  Wasn't sure if she was, or was about to get, smart.  You know, when a simple task begins to fluster you, you begin to see trouble everywhere?  Still?  I played it straight.

She started looking in a smaller box.  Yoda girl style.  I... didn't want to snap, or sound dismissive, and had some hope she... might know where it was?  I just gently suggested that the box only held mechanical, engineering, pencils.  After a second, she set that box asise, dug deeper into the next box.

I wasn't sure she knew what a multimeter even was.  She did.  And had found it.  So glad I had been... nice.

Of course?  It didn't work?  Batteries?  I had to find a y.t. vid about how to get into the outer case!  Ugh!  Then to actually get in.  A bit of a tug, pull, and shove.  Got it done.  Changed to new batteries.  Nope?  Pulled the fuses.  Putting them back as removed.  Nope.  Then yes?

Ugh!  I may see where she wants the mower and wagon.  Then place it for her.  Then?  Check the wires.  See which is which.  At least I don't have a dimmer to hook up.  But, I am hitting bottom.  Working on the ladder, at odd angels, and learning and else, just wears me down.

Still, like it or not, for me, that was a solid little three hours of work.  Easy work, to most.  Most aren't this close to death.  And having burned themselves out especially this last week, but truly these last three to four months.

No, I think I will rest, after doing a reading.  Then finishing this, plus moving the lawn tractor if needed?  Seems not, good where it is.  Later.

A very long sleep.

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I woke at 22:00(ish), and heard the alarm at 3:00, but shut it off.  Then the five, snoozed it once then turned it off, as I was... awake, mostly?  Not sure when I made it down, a quarter before or after six.  Though I did light morning reading while waking, so I probably was awake, fully, really, by 5:30. 

Still, I think I went down around 15:00?  Or so.

Body is sore.  Bruises, scratches, and whatever else.  Body pains, but a damned lot of them.  Wrists, a palm, torn and ripped legs and arms, main torso on the surround.  Upper back muscles, more upper leg muscles, a heavy bruise on a calf from the fall, fingers and knuckles cut and/or bruised.  Mostly just physical pains, not my organs hurting.  Or... they don't get felt as their priority or pain level is lower?  Or I am more used to them.

The goals today are to put the new fixture up in here, then work on the wood pile.  Get that cut to lifting size.  Mom left a small list, only one of which will be done.  I will hook up the wagon to the mower.  A loan.  What I wanted to buy, she refused.  It is what was needed.  From now on, I will ignore her input and cheapness on some things.  Can't send the others back, without taking a massive haircut on shipping.

If we had purchased locally, would have paid double, and still had reshelving fees of similar amounts.  Can't come out well on some purchases.

I remembered to put in the dairy order today.  And it arrived right away!  But... I forgot to unlock the door!  Always something.  At least I was awake, and down here.  So an easy save.  But, his son is being wed today?  That had somehow slipped through planning, on this side.  I appologized, for various things.  They needed dairy too, and I can get them some cash soon.  Gotta support the young who marry, and get to it, these days.  Seriously.  

I'm letting mom sleep to eight.  Though, if she wants, I'll let her sleep longer.  Got down to the mid 40's last night?  Crazy.  Seems a bit early for that, but it has been an odd year.  Later.

Mare a list.

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I have to begin doing that or she buries me with stupid little things.  For me to do the big things, I can't do the little things, thousands of them, she wants me to do.  I can do some of them, not most of them.  And there is no doing all of them, for there are infinitely more.

This morning, beside the dailies I generally tend, I got the ladder down from full extension, reversed the extension, and folded it up.  Putting it away in the garage.  That was a heck of a chore, but I am more fit for such chores.  Couldn't do three of those in a row well, though.

In to town.  Thought we had everything we needed for her driver license.  Nope.  Physical address has to be on the post.  And wedding license, to explain her last name?  A thing or two more.  Rough.  So... more to do there.

Then on to the hardware store for a small list of things to check, buy, decide.  A car wash.  Wanted to stop at the grocery store, but was done after the hardware store.

A cooler day.  If still warm, and dry.  My preferred weather source suggested it was 81, though in town probably hotter.  Always hotter in town, probably hotter than it reads, even for honest readings.

On back to our home town.  I unloaded the car, had some water, did a few last things for mom but called it quickly or she would have had me working to sundown and then some.  And, that would ne fine... if I could.  And if I didn't havd big things still on my list, and didn't need to crash as well.  No, I... can't tinker with little things.  She either does them, slowing down on other things, or they just don't get done for a while.

A bit of music, and rest.  Then writing this once cool.  Now closing in on sleep.  Need it so badly.  I asked that she not bother me tonight.  I may be up later, much later, or not until three or five.  Will find out... when I find out.  Good night.

The odds and ends.

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Water started, through the filter.  Three jugs?  Or so.  Her coffee set up, mine french pressed.  Some cold cuts and cream cheese, medicine, and water.  I was out of minerals.  Ordered them a bit ago.  They arrived pretty much just on time.  Adding vitamin D and K back.  Hoping it helps with BP and else.  A high dose.

Medicine, too.  If I have to eat lunch/dinner/supper too.  And keep at it.  That bit for breakfast isn't enough to handle whatever meds take away.  A steak salad, or more of the heart... the rest of it.  And continuing.   Might have to push.  The world is cooling, a bit.  That may help both with energy, recovery, and the ability to eat.

I opened up the place this morning.  Love fresh air and that, often, cool mountain morning breeze.  It truly is a lovely thing.

It was hitting seven.  So I woke mom.  Chatting.  And, received starting advice on some problems.  Well... to it?

Slept through.

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I think mom called.  Not sure, though suspect she would have tried.  I hit my limits.  Woke up drueling, several times.  Tonight.  I've done that every night this week.  To now, I had much to do.  Trees.  Need to work on that last pile.  But, then, that is it for a while.  I am barely standing.

Mom isn't going to like it, but she is on her own for a week, or two.  I'm still not doing well with medications.  I stopped them, for a day or two, while not eating, but started them back up after eating heart, then a meal the next day.  But fasting and meds, heart meds, extended fasting, don't mix.  That is lethal.

I wasn't absolutely sure if a stick did puncture my right arm pit.  I was pretty sure, but couldn't get a good look and... mom... wasn't looking to be relied on to check.  If something needs a bandaid, she is fine with it.  More?  Not so much.  I'm fine with evisceration, if the subject isn't catterwalling.  Still, I couldn't get an angel on it.

Now I can feel a quarter to fifty cent piece scab like closing.  So... yeah.  I was punctured.  Probably as it felt, say two inches deep.  Surprised that didn't and hasn't hurt.  It isn't, necessarily, pain tolerance?  It is healing, not infected to date, as good as it gets.

A shower when I get up.  Coffee, tea maybe, water, perhaps an ice run.  Can do little things.  Maybe, in a bit, the light fixture up?  Oh, and later still, working on the limb pile.  It has to be cut to smaller sizes.  But that it is out and piled makes that, almost, a snap.  With the chainsaw going.

Perhaps some business too.  Arranging for storage.  Just calls, texts, on that.  But, not even sure about all that.  One thing or the other may short circuit the whole program.  Will find out.

Time to rise and try to shine.  Later.

Awake early, if late too?

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Well, yes.  No late night, early morning forray between midnight and two.  Did wake at the three alarm, deciding that was too early so on back to sleep.  The five alarm just went off.  I snoozed it, but then sat up before the next sounding.  Ugh, I hate alarm clock sounds, if I do appreciate what they can do.

Lights on, blogging, as I get ready to dress and go down.  PJs, really.  Not doing any heavy work.  Oh, but returning amazon things to go back, a trip to the hardware store again (the light fixture in the kitchen, fluorescent, went out... can't find the balast, or such?... not led though).  So I will need to dress properly, before too long.  After a shower.

She ignores me.

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I went on to sleep.  Telling her what I would do, when I woke.  And not to work on my zone.  Logs, big branches needing sawed, heavy work.

So, of course, she was out working on it.  But a neighbor saw her out, with her walker, working on that area!  So be it.  But, before she could do much, that neighbor called his brother, who arrived and finished that for her.

I would have thought that would mean she would go back to working in her areas.  She had two fairly easy zones, if she wanted to work when I couldn't.  No.  Not what she did after.  I did much of the remaining zones.  She... helped, for a bit.  A little.  Then went in.  Which was fine.  She was getting in the way, and of a mood.  If I was too.

Got most branches and some larger stuff piled, from two zones.  Took three old hoses to the trash.  And that was all I could do.  In to rest, hydrate, talk for a bit, then go on to bed.  I was absolutely crushed, and from so little?  It should be vonsiderdd little, and was a bit less than an hour of work, mostly (for me) light work.

After the wood is finished, later today, or tomorrow, I am done for a week.  Bruises in an arm pit of impressive severity, my torso sore if just in (big) spots from a one to two times my height fall, and living in agonizing exhaustion, plus with the shin ripped two thirds it's front, and with scratches and tears all over legs and arms, some more visible, some less... I am done for a bit.  Need to lick my wounds and sleep.

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The other day, while mom was mowing the field, a german shepherd (male, by size?) approached.   Coming at a good clip.  Did he think that was his territory?  I saw him and immediately headed toward him, at pace.

He hesitated, and angled his approach, slowing as well.  I was coming with intent.  I really don't fear dogs.  I will go there without hesitation.  Can't outrun them.  And mom certainly couldn't, and would stand no chance.  Then someone called him off.  He... was... glad to be called off.

Mother suggested the dog wouldn't have  bit her.  I agreed, but just to let her believe what her mind was comfortable with.  Women are often stupidly naive, especially about violence.  Human women.  Most other species, their females... understand.  From cats to dolphins to chimps... violence is real, immediate, and to be expected.  Peace is a rare commodity, not the way of things.  Ugh.

It worked out.  But... I have to keep an eye on her.

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Well, it's early, but I will get up.  A shower, brushing teeth, water filtering, and a few other chores.  Would like to eat, probably can't.  Oddly, my arms are muscling.  Still anemic, compared to my youth.  But... better.  Must not be too low on protein.  Certainly don't look like a vegan.  Later.

Rough morning.

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Not up until six.  I did a few things inside, moved the sprinklers then started them on the remaining dry patches before the sun was too high.  Started my coffee, and mom's.  Then called her.

Checked blood sugar.  High, again, even a bit higher, at 150?  I'm not eating!  Much.  And the cheese and meats are saying zero carbs, so?

We talked over coffee this morning.  Plans for the day.  That limb to cut, branches to move, and cut weeds and trunk suckers.  Mostly just moving wood, into piles.  Cutting them to fit first, sometimes.  Three areas to attempt to be cleared.

Breakfast.  Low carb seed bread, low carb jam and marmelade, plus butter.  Quite good, with coffee, and kefir for me.

Then we both began crashing.  Still, we went out.  I cut the limb, then cut it up into the right sizes to stack.  Saw she was... not doing well.  So checked on her.  Just... tired, as was I.  I moved the piles she had stacked in the wrong place to a single right place, using some evergreen branches as a bed for surer pickup.  But, left the remaining pickups for her.

We took a break.  Both being in rough shape, we decided to check things.  Her blood sugar was 325 to 345?  Never seen it that high.  Tested twice, same result.  Mine was 151, so it wasn't breakfast.  She takes a diabetes medicine, injection, once a week.  Perhaps with her working the stuff is malfunctioning?

With me, the problem seems to be BP.  It was 104/64, with a pulse of 70?  All much lower.  Now, when I fast, I have learned not to take my heart medicines.  While not, to my mind, fasting?  Perhaps metabolically close enough?  That, with meds, craters some or all of my stats.  Oh, and mothers bp was also lower.  

She suggested that I eat more.  I told her I can't.  No appetite, hunger, interest.  Four toasts saw me absolutely stuffed.  Not sure what to do.  Pulling off heart meds as a trial.  At least until I can eat.

She was about to fall asleep at the table, in her seat.  She suggested I wake her by noon, if she fell asleep.  I told her to go on to bed, so she would be more comfortable (and wouldn't fall).  She, surprisingly, agreed.  But asked if I would help her.  So tired myself, but absolutely.

We got her in, and tucked in.  She probably fell asleep before I left the room.  Even if I am up at noon (unlikely) I would only check on her.  When you need sleep like that?  Just sleep.  We can figure the rest out... when, as, we can.

I got out and began moving the branches to the front piles.  I cleared three large groups.  Stacking most in one pile, some for the base of a second pile as needed.  Then, myself, pulled the plug.  I was completely done in before I started, doubly so by then.  Was hoping pushing would bolster bp, so I could keep at it.  No dice.

On to bed, but decided to scribe the morning before crashing.  Now, on to sleep.  Good day, and night.  Hoping to do more, maybe the rest of it, tonight.  And to try to eat.

We both crashed.

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I planned on my crash.  No choice.  She fell asleep in her chair, waking mid afternoon only to go on back to bed herself.  She didn't wake up, or wake me up, until 19:30.  Took me a while after that to wake.  A half hour.

Watering was started.  But that was it.  No food for me.  She ate something.  I ended up taking bitters, with water following that up.  Blood sugar was high.  Not sure I can eat those keto crackers?  Or is it cheese, or cold cuts, causing the variability?  I'll sort it.  Bitters, for nausea, heavy today.

On back to bed without working tonight.  The tree work, to now, was crushing.  More to do.  Hoping to finish tomorrow.  Cutting a final limb, parting that and other limbs already down.  Then moving the branches into piles, to be machine collected.

Hopefully to finish that between an early and late work session, with a tweener nap.  Everything hurts and aches from this last week or so.  All good, if I can push through.

Good night.  Again.

Awake late.

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Early, actually.  The alarms are set for three and five.  I'll turn off the three alarm.

As I was going to bed, mom wanted me to take the trash out?  Was so tired, a bit annoyed.  Didn't do it.  Crashing.  Couldn't figure why.  It didn't smell.  Was relatively recently cleared?  Hmm.  But, waking, I realized tomorrow is trash day.  So, if nothing else, I figured I would walk that out tonight, and get the barrel to the curb.

Up to work.

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Couldn't eat much.  But did some work.  The first part was checking to see if some lights worked.  I was able to do that from ground level.  When the lights worked, I had to get the ladder.   Moving the ladder, then setting it up, is a chore.  Did that and did what I could to reset the lights.

Then a break.  Oh, but I washed a few big windows, inside and out, before that.  The living room plate window and the back kitchen trio... each almost as big as the plate, two thirds?  Really looking better.  Though, in time, will try CLR mineral remover to see if that will finish the last issues.  Even so, quite a bit improved.

Time to get up.

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I woke before the five alarm.  I hate alarms.  I also woke around one.  Sore.  Too sore.  The work from yesterday was a bit much.  Though too, trying to return to days.  Well, it's day.  Now to wake, have coffee, and whatever else.

As soon as the puncture under my arm stopped weeping, the legs, from rash tree and limb cutting, in shorts, wept.  I kept sticking to sheets and blankets.  Pulling free, to a whince or more, only to restart the weeping process.  That will get better, in a day or two.  No more shorts when messing with branches, bushes, or such.

Help arrived.

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Branches.  I mean a lot of them.  Plus, he cut many high level branches I couldn't reach.  I checked my chainsaw.  The sprocket washer seemed okay, just a little loose?  I tightened that on my way out, but didn't finish it.  I showed it to the man, he finished it.  It worked perfectly after.

So I helped cut and stack, to my limit and more.  At a point, all I could do was slowly help stack.  Only did that far for shame at not having these things done already.

Up, almost going.

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Windows shut, upstairs.  Opened down here.  Oh, and thought to open the main doors, allowing screen doors to let more fresh, and cool, air in.  Very nice.  It is 74 in here, would be cooler if I had opened up last night.  And, yes, that helps.

Water going, coffee set up, mine made.  Ice machine going.  No food, other than the fatted coffee.  But I continue to take bitters, right before coffee.  To keep nausea well in check.

Just nearing five.

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I'll set up tea, coffee if that isn't going.  Make my own coffee.  Eat something?  No.  Planning on french toast, using the keto bread, and fried eggs?  I want eggs with them anyway.  Push a batch of water through, and start the ice machine.

Odd, while temperature highs remain in the high eighties to low-mid nineties, mom is going through a lot less ice.  Same insulated tumbler.  Same amount of tea.  Fewer higher heat hours?  Still working outside quite often.  It is still high summer, just not as high?  Other factors definitely at play.

I think I have it.

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The chainsaw problem.  I'll need to check a few things, rounding of the gears, such.  But I am sure.  I was certain I put the chain on correctly.  And that everything was right.  But the chain jumped the track very quickly to immediately after contact.

This y.t. vid may have the problem and possible fix.  I don't have a metal lathe, but with deets, might be able to shop one.  Or just work the one on it with a sledge hammer and anvil.  Will check, soon.

Good night, for sure, this time.

Sleeping.

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I heard, and as much felt, a thud.  A big one.  Woke me, if it took a bit.  Even with lots of sleep, a dying body is always tired.  Had to force my way to consciousness.  Had to get up, to check on mom.  Duty, but more.  Concern, simple compassion, things like that.

It hurt to get up.  It was so difficult to get up.  To dress.  But I was worried.  Have you ever seen a grandparent "hurry"?  Well, that is my current pace, most of the time.  Now, when waking midsleep, double... or half that.  You know what I mean.

Up early.

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Beside waking for just a bit, around midnight, I made it out of bed a bit before six.  Half?  A quarter to?  I had coffee, water, and just tried to wake.  Not well, but I stayed up.

Mom came out around seven.  While she was getting up, I asked if she was ready for me to start her coffee.  Oh, yes.  Very ready.  I set up her chocolate peptide/colagen, for her first cup.  It's helping her, I think.

Unsure.

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Not sure if mother just didn't call me, or if I couldn't hear her.  Kidneys are back down to 15% function.  Doc seems to think that may be why I am so exhausted.  She says it is a very typical association.  Toss in probable liver low function (they don't seem to have tested the liver panel, again? or it didn't show for her).  However, it was between stage two and three failure the last time they checked.

Doctors hate when I sluff off such news, or am happy at stage two.  Even when I inform them that it had been stage three or four... or as with kidneys currently running into stage five failure.  Stage two is good news, for some of us.  They still don't... like it.  It's not a matter of liking.  No one likes it.  Just, comparative levels is all.

Toss in whatever rate the heart failure is currently running, and that I get up a few times a day, for a while?  Let alone set up a forty foot ladder, cut branches, and fall between one and two of my heights, onto my back flank upper torso, and mostly just shake it off?  Meh.

I did make a mistake.  I cut the water pill.  By sounds of all, and from testing, that was probably a mistake.  So, back to one whole pill, and maybe back to two if that doesn't work.

After the doc, to the grocery store.  Then to look at a storage option.  Will probably go that way.  Will see.  Then to Idaho, and the dairy, returning home, and bringing everything in right away.  Then I  crashed.  Just early afternoon.  13:00 to 15:00?  Earlier part of that, I think.  So tired, short term memory couldn't work.

May get up.  Kefir, water, not much else.  Then right back to bed?  Maybe feed Sassy, do a few chores.  Skipping coffee.  I am having bitters with coffee, lately.  Not as needed, or needed at all.  Just... cautionary treatments for potential nausea.  That is a rough thing to go through.  I will get another few bottles of the stuff.  Keep it unopened, in the fridge, for future problems.  Good stuff, if you need it.

Later.

The last of the branches.

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I had four more larger branches to bring down.  While I allowed mom to be out there, if she didn't (and she didn't) try to command the operation.  If she didn't like the pitch or perch of the ladder, before I went up, that was fine.  But, once aloft, other than a warning of a problem, no talking.

She greenlighted the ladder, but I wan't satisfied.  I worked it a bit more, for the second and third cuts.  Went fairly well, if we got out later, and it was beginning to heat up.  I really need to work early, or nearing dark in the evening.  But... got to it.

Up for a bit.

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I woke at 23:30.  Mother was just going to bed, crazy bird.  Driven to sort, arrange, clean, and else.  There is some hope I will be more able to help her as weather cools, unless medicine needs a higher dose.  And it may.  Then it might be another several weeks or even months.  Until I adjust to them, medicines are brutal.

If you didn't read, I spent five years, more?  Working with doctors to find medicines I could even tolerate to this level.  Though, if I don't quit them, and idiot doctors don't cancel them, I do fairly well on them... after that massive if mostly temporary bump.  Though a break, for a few days, from time to time, helps.

Yes, better.

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Still favoring my right "wing".  Not lifting too much, or stretching with the right arm, too much.  Mostly out of caution.  It might yet prove problematic.  It was, I think, the side I used to grab, and break my fall, as well as the side I landed on.

But it isn't hurting.  There is the scratch/puncture, but that isn't bothering me.  Other than just sensing that it exists.

Hmm?

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All better?  I... think so.  The scratch/puncture/hard bruise mix under the arm is... but a scratch.  Will watch and feel for infection.  But... it's fine.  The leg is good.  No pulled arm or chest muscles.  All the other little, medium, and large hurts, wounds, and suspected damages... are gone.  

Broken skin is still broken.  But else evaporated as I slept or simply never materialized.  If it wasn't so blasted hot out there, I'd get back to it.  If it cools, I will reset the ladder to the v, rather than extension form, yet this evening.

And, if that went well, might shimmy up to finish.  At least the front tree cutting.  I won't push beyond.  If, that is, I can do either... when it cools.  So be it.

Quite the fall.

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Tried to get up at seven.  Didn't make it up until eight thirty.  Breakfast, bacon and some eggs.  I did eggs.  Trying to get those right.  Botched one, but due to the spatula cutting, not overdoing.  I took that one.  Made four more just right.  Mom made the bacon.

Talked about what to do.  Trimming, she thought.  Tree branches.  In the drive and over the garage.  I got meds in, the ladder out, and the chainsaw.  Three, four, fuve, maybe six branches down.

Then, up, above my height and a half to two times it, feeling pretty confident, I... took risks I really shouldn't have.  The ladder slid, I slid, then... a long long drop.  Still holding the saw (not running, if expensive), so with only one hand free, I grabbed... something.  The ladder?  A branch?

I hung on, one handed, through the drop.  The first.  It broke that first fall without losing my grip.  But, after doing that, in the next drop, my grip gave.  If the grip slowed that second spin-fall.  At that point I was about my height above the ground.  But swinging so landing on my feet wasn't possible.  I landed on my right side, mostly on my upper torso?

Down.  Hit hard, on my right side.  Between breaking the fall, twice, if with only a one handed grip, and leaves and branches down, that last fall wasn't as bad as first proposed.  Got a pretty good jab under the arm.  Just a scratch, but a bit of a brutal one.  Tore some skin off my other hand.  Bruised my right calf somehow.  Was slightly, but not fully winded.

Not bad, all in all.  Still, I'm calling it for a bit.  I've definitely had worse.  And I did get half the branches cut I want cut.  I'll see if I pulled muscles when I wake.  If not, that is... AWESOME!  One armed double drop stop, and slow?  Even if I pulled something, that's... excellent.

Pain pills and back to bed.  I plan on finishing tomorrow if at all possible.  Might let mom watch, if she can keep from chattering.  I even helped her just a bit with several things before going back on to bed.  Writing in bed, if that didn't make sense.  Later.

Just a bit.

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.

Not much the whole day.  Medicine in.  Chuck roast for supper.  Helped mom by moving a few totes too heavy for her to move.  Talked about my grandfather's and grandmother's family.  Night meds?  I think so.

Up again later, three wakes through the day.  But just to set up her coffee and tea, run water theough the r.o. machine, and reset kefir this last time.  It is maturing much quicker, the kefir.  With four jars there was enough for kefir and cottage cheese.  Still considering adding another jar of room temp fermenting stuff.  Trying to add just enough to sort enough kefir for me, cottage cheese for her, withouting adding another large refrigerated jar.

I got a larger sip tonight.  Should be able to drink one, occassionally two of those a day, as fast as that is maturing.  But it will slow during fall, and especially winter.  Will probably need one or two more jars this winter.

I was telling mother, that in the winter, I keep the house as warm as 75.  She was a bit surprised.  Shocked.  Though I am working on dressing much warmer, better.  And was getting used to a cooler running body, from eating meat rather than carbs.  Still, I don't think she gets how much cooler it seems at elevation.

We will dress her warmly, marino wool layers, and layering of good materials beyond.  But... I'll bet we'll have to keep it warmer.  Even just for her.  And we will.  If I need it cooler, I have the upstairs.

-------

Oh, had a double dream.  Sort of?  Triple?

In the first, or first part?  I was up here, sleeping as... well... my other me.  I sensed someone coming up, so went to check.  It seemed like mom, but turned into just a dream within a dream.  I woke from the secondary dream.  Only to then think... a shorter haired women was coming up.  Or an assassin.  One and the same?

She, it, ended up fighting with me, but it was only a mannequin.  Then it dissappeared.

Then I... woke again?  Another dream?  A third layer dream?  Something.  This time, as through all the dreams, I was my alternate self.  Again, I could sense someone coming up.  This time it was Kathy/Cathy's kids (when they were small).  She a cousin, they my second cousins.

I... tried to not let them see me, as I am.  And talk them into going on back.  The younger ones... couldn't... see me as I was.  But the older girl did, could.  I... did get them to go back down, so I could sleep.  I don't want any to see my various... uhrm... natures.

The dream(s) was shadowy, intense, dark, noir, stressful, without fully being a nightmare, or nightmares.  If right on the fringes of that.

I try, in dreams and real life, to keep some things very private.  Sure, you may know me, and thus... this and that, or have some possible understandings.  But I am anon, for a reason, as much as possible.  As much not to publicly support said notions as for some semblances of privacy.

Later...  Or good night.

A few extras.

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.

A second load going, a few last details, the reservoir filled, another batch of ice.  Then mom woke up.  Wanted to use the bathroom off the kitchen.  Asked me if that was okay?  Of course, it is your home too.  Strange, but okay.

She had a note for me.  I hadn't seen it.  She let me know about the roast.  And wanted me to move a few plastic tubs of her good dishes to near the china closet we set up today.  So I did that as a final task.

I left a note of my own.  Asking she not do my laundry.  I'll finish that tomorrow.  But, if she will, to run the crockpot on high for four hours, then turn it off.  Will see.

Letting Sassy sleep up here tonight.  No ac on.

Good night.

Pretty good.

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A shower.  Laundry started.  Water fills going, more needed than I thought.  Coffee started.  Set up mom's coffee and set out things for sun tea.  Then checking kefir, burping the jars and jugs, in and out of the fridge.  Sampling a bit.  Not a lot of it, so a small drink.  I've started an extra jar.  May require two extra jars to make my wants of kefir and her wants of cottage cheese.  Not a huge difference of time or effort, but may need more milk.  Two gallons rather than two half gallons.  Easy.

Because I like eight to twelve ounces most days.  I really have started to love the stuff.  And it helps me obtain every last bit of nutrient from my other foods... and stay healthier.

I had ham, but thought we might be out of cheese?  Typical cheese, yes.  But there was cream cheese.  A tablespoon of that, in two slices of ham, was about perfect.  Three of those and life was good, with coffee and kefir.

Now, I have had nausea, on the lighter side (mostly) for the last three months.  Definitely since restarting medicine.  Too busy to remember bitters, save on the periphery, or in passing.  I finally ordered some in.  Check.  I started that tonight.

Better?  A bit.  Not as good as hoped.  Will be using it, whether eating or not, if I feel rough.  So tired of nausea.

She put the roast in.  Not started, just in the broth.  But, I saw the paper towels were out, so refilled the spool.  With two people trying, it is easier.

Nearly bedtime again.

Down at 22:00.

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Up around one?  Deciding if I am getting up.

Water needs filtered.  Ice needs to be made.  Trash and recycling needs to go out.  A shower would be good.  A few bites of something would be good, plus coffee and maybe water.  Hmm, water with electrolytes and vinegar.  Sure manages thirst.

Up for supper.

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And more.  A device for washing the siding didn't work. It seemed advertised to work with garden hoses.  No, you need a pressure sprayer.  Had thought a hydrant out back might work, for regular garden/lawn hoses.  Not so much.  Ugh.

At least the brass hose quick connect fittings work.  I wore myslef out doing other things before adding those to all hoses and functional hydrants, etc, out there.  Save a few trials, to make sure.

Quite a bit done.

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Watering, ice machine started, sun tea out, just the crockot cleaned but then the chuck roast going.  Water jugs filled.  What else?  Can't remember all, but a solid run.

Then I talked with mother, while she had her first coffee.  Plans, but for later.  I need to do my laundry.  Plus trying a cleaning system for the siding, and trimming branches, through later afternoon, when I wake again.

She'll be doing a bit out and indoors through the day.  Quite a bit of good going on, being done.  But, now I need rest, sleep actually, again.  Not bad for odd shifts, and strange sleep cycles.  Doing more, better, faster, if still oddly.  Good... day, and night, again.

Watering the lawn.

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Pushing it.  Doesn't look to be overcast.  Still, started before the sun was up and should be done before it is too well up.  Cold out there!  This feels more like late August, or even on into September some years.  Cool, very cool, very early.  It is 68 in the house!  So I closed up downstairs windows and turned off the fans.

That's why I woke up.  My body likes the cool, especially when ill, or dealing with raising medicine to useful levels, both, and more.  I... crave the cool when all else fails.  Didn't need ac last night, just a fan?  Crazy, but super.

That's odd.

.

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I woke around five.  Looked over this and that, online.  Getting the shopping cart readied.  I'm going to ask mom to buy one of her favored  perfumes, beyond her current plans.  In return, I will buy another.  Slowly get her a small collection.  She uses them, and while moderately spendy, not luxury.  Look, take care of the little things too.

The rest is a mix of a few last clothes, that fit and she liked, sizes sorted, food items I like to keep on hand, and a few minor inexpensive tools I keep not finding... if I should have?  Needle nose pliers, a few sets.  And a set of crescent wrenches.  Much less this month.  And less through the month.

Up at, not for, supper.

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Mom called.  I knew I wasn't going to eat.  Just woke to talk... perhaps do a few things.  The crazy woman has been working.  Cleaning the section of the livingroom floor which she opened and where she wishes her china cabinet set up.  I... was impressed, when I finally woke enough to take a close enough look.

Stains I thought were permanent are gone.  She used a cleaner I bought, hoping to try.  On the good side it works wonders.  And, my larger steam vacuum really does well.  Amazing.  I chose well, just never implemented.

She asked if I would fry her eggs.  I did.  Tried for easy over, ended more done.  Say just hard.  I offered to do them better, but she was happy with what I offered.  Made sure she knew that doing them correctly wasn't a problem.  It was my first time using the small cast fry pan.  And I had just gotten up.  But, no.  I served her corned beef hash, she had frying, and got the condiments she wanted.

Two things, she wanted.  To store my hammock gear and remove some cat litter catching rugs.  I did those.  She wanted to water, I didn't.  I would have to set them up, and... else.  Plus a bit early?

After a bit, though, I did get them set up.  To hit what really needs it.  And, then, after running it, moving them for next time.  It's been a bit since the rest of the front yard got watered to.  Ready with that when it's right.  It is getting green up there.  Save a bit of the yard that was overlooked initially.

I also got water ready for sun tea, jugs and else filled, and kefir turned.  Her cottage cheese is draining.  Not a bad little go.  Tomorrow?  Will see.  I think my plans are setting her up, helping her get going on her things.  Then my laundry.  If I can get those done, good.  Possibly setting watering systems up for a next run?

Oh, and chuck roast should be thawed.  Back to meat for me.  She can pull from that, for whatever she wants.  I will also pull steaks from the deep freeze, drop-in.  Get several in the fridge freezer and one double pack to thaw.  Meat!  Food!!!  Real food again.  She can eat it or not.  Plenty else otherwise.

Not a bad day.  On to sleep.  It was cooler, which really helps.  Hoping for cooler days as fall begins trying to be born.  Overcast and cooler gave me some small second wind... if after struggling to gain my first.

Good night and God bless.

To town.

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Our town.  They were having a celebration.  A state holiday.

Mother asked that we be up by 9:30?  I tried my absolute best.  I had the alarms set for eight and nine.  I... hit every miserable snooze until 9:40!  I just couldn't wake, get going.

I had hope, honestly, to be up.  To sort out lights dragging a bit from the roof.  To decide if the work, to keep them.  Or if they don't, to pull them.  Did not get to it.  Though, between a late rise and misreading when the parade was.  It was at ten, not half after.

The next plan was to go see about the library book sale, buy a local phone book, and have lunch.

It was cool, starting out.  We got there, and looked through books.  We saw a woman mother had previously met.  And then another.  She bought a few groups of books, and shows.  We obtained the phone book.  But that was it.

In part, I was giving way.  As I remember, I do go down for months, when restarting meds.  And... I forget just how long, and deep of a fall, it is, in part because of how rough it is.  In part because of what happens.  Memory loss, difficulty with concentration, etc.  Very difficult.  So, yeah.  Though there were so many people!  I wasn't quite ready for that large of a crowd.  If we can get going back to church, we will have to start with weekday masses, to get used to crowds of smaller numbers.  So no lunch.

But a local volunteered to bring us food.  We accepted, gratefully.  He refused to take money.  That... confounds.  Another part of humility lessons?

I then crashed, until now.  Normally, without mom here, I would be sleeping most of the time.  Just waking to feed Sassy, drink water, and see if the house was still here.  Not that I am doing much more.  But we did get out, do.  And I do some things.

I put her wagons/carts together (would have lost too much on postage to return the little one.  I have broken boxes down and gotten those in.  I am even picking up dairy, while having a weekly drive through the valley.  Mostly ill, still sleeping much, but... doing some little things.  Amen.  Later.

Definitely meds.

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Mostly.  The other things are coconspirators in health issues.  Heat, exhaustion... else.  Yes, I... see you.

After two days off, stopping medicine, then restarting?  I started back up today, at full dosages.  BP was 107/68 with a pulse of 80, half an hour after morning meds.  That, my friends, is tight.  Nausea returned immediately.  And that feeling of falling, inside... but of body, flesh, too.  All that returned as bp lowered with medicine.

We got out.  I went in for spices, solo.  Walnuts too, but fresh thyme, sage, and poultry seasoning... something I knew mother would appreciate.  Sage she had requested.  Thyme she isn't familiar with, but my thing.  The walnuts and poultry seasoning were considered for me, but mostly bought at this time for her.  I know her likes... from through life.

Then to Home Depot.  Looking at doors, paneling, paint cards for shades in the kitchen... I think that was it.  Doors there, exterior and screen, that I might like, run $325 to $500.  With installation running several hundred (per? discount for quantity?).  Lowe's will be visited next.  I... was sinking.  Couldn't go to Lowe's today.  She said they had more paneling, a strong contender for kitchen walls, since I abdolutely abhor wallpaper.  That stuff is half the bane to dealing with the kitchen as is.  NO MORE!

Then on to Idaho for her vapes, and dairy.  Hmm, that may still be in the vehicle?  Gah!  Hope it is still good.  Then home.

I was pretty shot.  So, other than pulling and tying trash, that was it.  Waking, blogging.  With help.  There is a late July state celebration... with fireworks.  The fireworks woke me.  As when I was a child, I still enjoy the sounds, and sights if visible.  And this time I knew, remembered.  So it wasn't a slightly startling surprise.

On to... something.  Late chores, getting dairy in, a bite.  I think I took night meds.  Don't want to overdo those, especially now.  Ugh.  Later.

No late night meandering.

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Can't say why.  The ac was making a lot of noise, though.  I think it is holding water.  I'll have to see what I can do about that.

I am awake earlier, just before nine.  Now to get a shower, break down boxes, have coffee, perhaps a light breakfast of cold cuts and cheese.  Not hungry, just wishing to top off a bit.  Mom put a few corned beef in the crockpot last might.  Need to get cabbage, and else for it, later.

Doing a bit of shopping, and browsing for doors, today.  Evevtually a new screen and front door.  And, further along, a new set of back doors and back screen doors.  But... just pricing now?  Waiting, then, for a steal of a real deal.  As well, seeing how much instalation might be.

Mother thought I might wish to install them.  While I (probably) have all the tools, I have zero experience.  Help?  Abdolutely.  Hoping to learn.  Solo?  Not a chance.  Perhaps after helping with one, or two?  Then solo the third (or second and third), maybe.  Or... not, if it really is a bitch of a bear.  I am old, older every day.  And mostly dead on top of it.  Like limits?  No, but I know, understand, and humbly accept them... when... wisdom is in town.  Will have to see if doors are outside my limits.  Maybe, maybe not.  But I don't want to realize they are half way through botching such a project!

Well, on to the day.  Later, blessings.

Not all hoped.

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Just couldn't.  Kept getting lost... in thought, memory choke points, or firing failures.  I did open windows, for fresh cool clean air.  I brought canned waters in.  I went out to set hoses up, didn't have a light, so thought to break boxes down.  Fumbled that, no cutter.

So found a cutter.  Went out but stumbled toward the hoses, but without a light?  Back up to look for a flashlight.  On it went, until I was exhausted from going up and down the steps, always with the wrong items for the chore?

Not sure?

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Ah, started writing the last post at 21:06.  It was excruciating writing it.  Was so hot and tired from the run to town.  Nausea all day.  All last week, last month?  Bitters!  I'll see if I have some.  Plumb forgot.  Plum?  :p  A form of heat exhaustion, though fat tolerance oddities too again?  And simple pains aplenty.  Oh, not asking for sympathy, or empathy.  Just explaining what plagued through the day, then tripped up my writing.

Mother had recent problems.  Was upset.  I explained, that at least for me?  I think God has kept me alive to help me learn humility.  I... didn't tell her another part.  That I allowed her to live with me to further my lessons.

Embarrassingly coming true.  But not in the way I feared.  Far worse, far more humbling.  I thought I would be humbled in serving her.  The exact opposite is the truth.  Receiving the grace of service, without anger or hatred in it, is far more humbling.  God... up to His gracious old wonders.  So be it.

Now to check on things.  I think water and ice are good.  Tea is readied.  Perhaps a bite to eat?  Yes.  And night meds.  Would like a shower, but two in one day?  Yes, after midnight last, and mid morning.  Tomorrow morning though.

I will work on the last boxes, set up hoses for watering tomorrow night?  What else?  Oh, bringing water in, carbonated, canned, boxed.  I left it out there because I was done with the heat.  Sixteen twelve packs.  Should be enough for a few months, three maybe?

A short night.  Maybe a body shower?  To cool and clean.  Still warm.  Yea.  Later or good night again.

Late!

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The only thing early was the rise.  If that was slow and difficult, and not perfectly just more, or mostly, early.

I called to reset an appointment, plus get a copy of a referal, and a copy of the order for blood work.  She's a cutey pie, but a bit miffed at me.  I'm pretty sure what for, too.  It's... a thing with her gen of women... something about being equal, and still needing, expecting, men to protect them.  I, if you don't get it, absolutely don't play that game.  Angry, but pretty.  Es macht mir egal.

Anyway.  Then on to bloodwork and a ua.  I've figured out how to put out ua's.  So no drama on that account.  With the paperwork for a liver panel in hand, and orders from the kidney clinic already in, there I was.

But, no.  They were only going to do the liver tests.  I knew there was supposed to be more, so had them check.  Two blood draws, oh well.  But... got all done.

Then?  I... forgot my list, and phone.  Dry cleaning.  Some things at the store, but what?  Car wash.  And water.  Was falling apart, in the heat, but gave it a go.  

Got the dry cleaning.  The gal seemed a pleasant lass until he spoke.  Fuh... that ain't no lass.  Look, if you get misgendered, and rejected?  Woman up.  Or use sign language.  Don't expect any forebearnce.  Jimmeny Crickets, Batman.  That was all wrong.

Then on to a store in Logan, where I got what I remembered.  Heading home, the auto went through the cleaner.  Then I remembered.  I needed water, the main reason I agreed to do any other shopping in the first place!  So I stopped at another store.  So tired!  *shrug*  

I further decided to get a calzone, for supper.  This one was half the first one I got, same price?  Sad.  Still, it was somewhat filling.  This one was for two, so even more dissapointing.  Oh well.

Mother was napping before I left.  Had me wake her when I headed out.  Which I did.  But she was still sleeping when I returned.  She appologized.  I merely laughed.  I'm surprised the poor dear doesn't sleep a week away.  I certainly couldn't (dare, even) begrudge her sleep.  Silly goose.  Supper was a welcome treat.

Now on back to bed.  I have been sorting water, her coffee, and things through the day.  Hoping to claw out more and heavier work at night.  Will see.  I'm like an old truck, stuck in mud, with a noob driver.  Now just figuring out to rock out of the rut.  Trying as possible.  Will see.

On to sleep for a bit.  Good night.

Up earlier.

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It took snoozes to ten thirty.  And great effort even then.  Wondering if some of my problem was ac, and an enclosed space, being cooler last night, I shut off the ac and opened windows.  *sigh*  No appreciable difference.   It must, mostly, be medicine.  And the biological affects.  Just... going to have to suffer through it.  Another few weeks to months, like it or not.

Medicine restarted today.  A few days off was good.  Mother's larger wagon showed up today.  When... will I get that?  When will the tv mount go up?  When will my bedside table be put together and set in place?  Good questions, all.  But SHE goes back and forth on the wall mount.  Not until the room is painted, she says.  Now she wants it done yesterday.  But, the wagon later today, or early tomorrow.  The nightstand after, but by an hour or day, I can't say.

Not bad.

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Dishes put away, most of the boxes broken down.  I did get a bm, then on the scale... 233, down from 236, down from 241, down from 244, down from 251 when I returned with mom, or roughly and close enough.

Water was all filled, and the reservoir.  A shower, whiskers trimmed, teeth brushed after a few cold cuts and cheese.  Finishing the last of two waters while eating.  Wasn't sure anything would get done.  Was stumbling on ideas, orders of doing things, in that last post.

Dove in and did it.  Not much, but plans made, organized, chronologically ordered, and completed.  Not much but a success to the level I was able, some of it done in faith.  I had nothing else for some of it.  Amen.

On back to bed.  I'll set the alarms, again, for ten and noon.  Hope, faith, charity.  Slogans for some, all some of us have.

Good night.

Seems cool.

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For this time of year.  With my accurized outdoor thermometer broken, I am going off reports.  Reports which contradict each other daily, right on top of hourly "reports".  In other words, all measurements are likely run through algos before being reported.  Which means they are usually wrong.  Probably still skewed high.

But it does feel cooler, for high summer.  I expect the high eighties to occassional low hundreds, if usually 95.  Haven't seen a single hundred, but I was gone, and have been sleeping a lot.  Even so, I try to check in at least daily, if they can flip ten degrees in their prognostication AI bullshit, at a moments notice.

So late.

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Too late.  Could... not... wake... up!  Ten, noon, noon thirty, later still?  When I finally crawled down, mom started breakfast.  Eggs, sausage she made from ground pork pulled from the deep freeze.  So far, all that meat has been good.  She just added spices, made it into patties.  We don't agree on spices, but it was good.  :p  Ten to one she would like mine as well.  Oh, and some keto bread to toast.  She wanted them toasted lightly.  I buttered hers, and put mine back in for a proper toasting.  I... think she will toast hers a bit more from now on.  *grins*

We created a list and some plans.  If she wants both wagons, she has to buy the new one.  Well, then I don't.  Okay.  I know she would rip the lighter duty one up.  She might even wreck the better one.  Will find out.  So, that won't go together, just back.

I won't go out, other than for blood work and a very short shopping run until Friday.  We will price a new front and screen door, perhaps back and screen door, plus look over spices, Friday.  Have to do a vape, and dairy, run, while at it.  Thursday?  Saturday?

Sawzall?  Okies.  I got it, and found shorter blades for branches.  Tried to teach her how to change the blade.  I worry.  But need sleep so desparately.  Can't stop her, so I do my best to help when I can, teach what I can, then just get out of the way.  Or sleep, as I must.

She is going to spray for bugs, dowstairs.  So I have Sassy captive up here.  Should be okay.  I'll spray for bugs up here, later or tomorrow.  While keeping Sassy out.  Best to spray everywhere, as close in time, as possible, for best affects.  May do it again next week.  That should hold for a while.  Oh, may hit outdoor around tonight, and when we do it next week again, too.

So very tired.  Good... day and night.

Not much tonight.

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Two jugs filled, the carafe filling.  I'll fill the reservoir in the morning.  Tea and coffee set up.  Water in, I was thirsty.  Oh, and kefir in.  I have tried something novel.  Tajin, the salt, lime, chili pepper mix, used on jicama, goes very well in kefir!  I did it by accident, meaning to spice something else, the first time.  Accidents aren't all bad.

Anyway, I couldn't get to boxes, or dishes.  Had hoped to but started crashing so hard I was losing my legs.  I just couldn't stay up more, certainly not do more.  Oh, but I did decide to take vitamins and minerals.  Just not meds for a few days.  Can take those whenever, so down the hatch they went.

I'll set an alarm for ten, and one for noon.  Would like to be up earlier, not always strictly a choice.  Noon even?  In hope.  If a man has those, he can suffer the realities of failure more readily.  If too, successes are the sweeter, in humility?  I'm... still learning, but I think so.  Amen.

Good night.

Sleeping well.

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Sassy was sleeping with me.  Mom?  Since our early afternoon chitchat and rough explanation session, I had heard nothing.  All of a sudden, Sassy shot bolt upright, seemed upset, then started to act, meow, weirdly.

I figured she was about to get ill, so shepherded her downstairs.  Just spending a bit of time to add  belted shorts to my sleeping wear.  I feared mother had fallen.

Nope, gladly.  She had dropped a container of baking powder, which while it madee a solid, impressive, thud, hadn't popped it's top.  Either way, I was glad Sassy reacts as she does, and I followed.  She's a sharp cookie, helps, like an alarm for things.

Glad to see mother hale and whole, I also caught her making bread, keto bread.  Then a keto cake.  Then a dirty keto rice dinner.  She was introduced to keto rice.  Since up, I just stayed and helped.  Cheese stuffed anaheims for the flattop grill.  With the (if hot) wind, had to put the shield on, and cook on high.  But it worked.

Soy?  I... do.  Was a bit uncertain.  Kikkoman, or such.  Her favorite, but American.  You know me?  I bought Kikkoman, but imported from Japan.  The... realer(tm) stuff.  It is richer, different.  Wasn't sure she would like it.  To my surprise, she was favorable toward it.  I had some other brand, if Korean(?) that I like.  But, no, this worked.

The keto bread will do, especially at five carbs for the whole loaf.  I am hoping to improve it?  We are at altitude.  She measured, didn't weigh (as was recommended), and it was a first batch.  Small loaf, too.  Say an half loaf, really.  Flavor is just so-so.  Did she add salt?  That might help.  Maybe italian spices.

Now, the keto package yellow cake?  Was very good.  Tasted more like a short cake, or cross between a short and yellow cake.  Had to bake it much longer than instructions indicated.  Twice as long.  But very good.  I made whipped cream, with berries, allulose, and two drops of liquid sweetener.  That, too, was absolutely wonderful.  Less fruit, by far, next time.  Say, half a cup, of berry mix, or slivered strawberry.  That was delicious, if a bit high in carbs, with three cups of berries (if otherwise unsweetened).  Which... would be about forty carbs (for the berries alone).  As I said, next time, half a cup, so more like six (fruit) carbs, maybe eight in all else?  But, for the whole thing, say fourteen to twenty?  Doable.  It was rich, decadent, even so.  I was amazed at that.

Hoping the bread toasts well.  A grilled cheese, or even french toast (yes, I have keto maple syrup).  Or just an open face sandwich.  As just a slice of bread, with or without butter, not so much.

Her pull wagon is in, but I am sending it back.  She wants me to put it together, keep both wagons.  Hmm, if she wants to pay for the extra, okay.  I won't buy two.  The other holds twice the weight.  I fear she will abuse the little one to a fast death.  She plays hard, and to win.  Will... give her the choice in the morning.  Bleh.

I hadn't eaten in a few days.  Well, three cheese slices and three cold cut slices, coffee or tea, sips of kefir?  Or less.  Can't... the heat and else makes eating equally as difficult as working.  Working Is eating.  Eating Is working!  She was glad to see me eat.  But... that went through me like a freight train.  After helping clear, I went up to sleep.  Just a bit down and I had to run for the restroom.  Which initially quite worried her.  No, just... had to go.  All good.

Then slept until waking and writing.  I'll check water and ice.  Set up a tea.  Check coffee.  Tear down boxes.  Then shower?  No coffee, just waters tonight.  The only extra I will do tomorrow (if possible) is pick up La Croix waters on the way home.  For me, those really help.  Most people can't stomach them.  I... now... love them.  They are the only things I can drink enough of.  I can drink some flat water, just not enough.

Oh... a hanging plant, outside?  Keeps being turned.  Mom keeps trying to suggest the wind turns it.  But I have checked, several times.  It can't turn!  The clips holding it are fixed.  They only fit exactly where they are attached.  The wind can't do it.  No, someone is flipping it.  Which is a problem... the wrong way, any wind will begin breaking the plant.  So?  Whoever is doing it, stop that stupid shit!  If you have a retarded or autistic kid on the loose... check up on them.  Just... saying.

Ugh.  On to a few chores and a shower.  Later or good night, again.

Up for a bit.

.

.

Coffee, medical calls, a few light things for mom... things I had said, or meant, to do.  She had another group of lists I rejected.  Not watering until Wednesday, so I won't set up the hoses and sprinklers, and some other tasks refused.  Even if I went to town today, I wasn't taking boxes in to recycling.  Tomorrow?  Just maybe.  We had more arrive, and maybe I will be better rested.

Oh, and talking.  She didn't start the dishwasher?  I... believe she believes she didn't.  Not... convinced she didn't.  Benefit of the doubt... mostly.  As suggested, I didn't want her to feed Sassy, but found she had.  So moved tthings.  She... does what she wants.  No matter what she says, or agrees to.  Forgetful?  Maybe, but more willfull.  I get that, though, too.

Still, she is a hard worker.  Cabinets and drawers are ordered, weed whipping, flowers planted, lots of things I couldn't do, certainly not currenttly.  I like to help, do as I can.  If some things I won't, can't, do.  Sometimes.

I have blood work all lined up.  A referal set.  Will go in tomorrow.  May try to wake very early, to be home before it gets hot.  The heat is busting my mackerels.  Even earlier.  High summer, while starting meds, is back to brutal living, for me anyway.  Heat exhaustion from it being so hot for so long.

I'll break down the boxes that arrived today.  I found a pair of pants I thought my mom might like.  Palazoes, cullots, white in a heavier denim.  She had wanted something more in chiffon, but finding those in petite wasn't happening.  I think she likes these.  Hoping they fit.  She only tries on clothes right after a shower, at night.

A few 7 cup bowls.  I bought some already.  But this size is in high demand, so three more... arriving ttoday.  As well, chili powder and menudo spice blend, in her favorite brand, Gephardt or such.  If she likes these, I'll get a few more.  Freeze them?  We go through spices and herbs in a hurry.

The next time we have a little town run, together, I'll take her to my favored spice market.  I'm generally against "organic".  That isn't why I buy those spices and herbs.  It is that they are fresh and regional, if not local.  Their sage, for example, is to die for (if you like sage, as with thyme, mint, etc).

I ridded most spices, buying new, for mothers visit.  Some were unavailable.  I'll pull my spices and herbs, go through them with her, then make a list.  Eating well, and right, takes some attention to detail, tasting, exploring, if too learning to appreciate good foods, learning to cook correctly, and such.  It is honestly a lifelong process.  One too few have learned, or even try.

On back to sleep for a while.  It is still a painful day.  Hoping a break from meds, extra sleep, and no harder labor the next few days will help.  Good night, sort of.

Crap.

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.

I got down, filled water, filled ice, made her coffee... set it up any way.  I then went to load the dishwasher.  Looks like she tried to run it, then ran water, and it backed up, agaain, again.  Some things are better for her to just leave alone.  But she refuses to leave alone or learn how to fix.  So I end up taking three steps back just to get ready to move forward tomorrow night again.

I also told her to stop feeding Sassy.  She is messing up the lineup, not putting out clean bowls, reusing spoons, and feeding her far too much.  I moved the cans out of her immediate reach.  Will bring them up here, if required.  That isn't a request.

I broke down most of the boxes.  Will hit the huge ones tomorrow.  Got the trash out, what would go.

She asked when I wanted her to wake me, to take boxes in tomorrow.  I was not going in for that.  But, as it turns out, I need to go in for blood work.  So...  Still, not taking boxes in, shopping, or else.  A shower, checking to see if the foot doc wants a liver panel while doing else.  And seeing if the foot doc can get a referal for nerve pain clinic.  No pain pills.  But if electic stimulus works, or massasge therapy?  No drugs, no pharma sum total.

Just blood work, after a few calls.  Then back to bed.  I am, remain, burned up, burned out, and shot.  Just the way it goes.

I have a few last things arriving for mom.  An upgrade, a down grade, for a few  items, a pair of pants to see if she likes that.  It is like what didn't quite fit, and some cotton leggings, to size, in two sizes.  Poly was too hot.  But more as she loses weight.  Gotta keep her in breaches.

I am staying right at 236.  If I usually check after meals.  Still, it's pretty much staying there, so...  Meh.

I am taking a day or two off meds.  See if that helps.  Something... unlikely... seems to have helped.  Not improving... stamina, or most else, just a  light improvement to sense of well being, health.  So... I want to see if a short break from meds could add to it.  I do that from time to time... give the liver and kidneys time to... work without extra stress.

Anyway.  I'll get up and change some notes.  Or just dump them?  No, change.  Then back to bed.

Good night.

I told her...

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.

Most women are crazy.  Lune.  You don't think I am, she asked.  One look sealed it.  Hmm, 82 and driving hard in ninety degree whether.  Just a wee.  Though, with her?  No, yes.  From politics to a strange insbility to see patterns.

In some ways, her drive covers a ton of ground to covering from that.  But you can't be a socialist or communist (or be against abortion(?) while voting for the only party for it) and be sane.  There is simply something wrong with someone who says they are against everything their party/religion (as I consider dems almost more of a religion at this point), yet continue to mindlessly vote for them based on... emotions?

It is why so many of their party take psychotropics.  Voting for what you are against, while waving a flag you must hate somewhere deep inside?  It... leads to... problems.  But you were on psychotropics!  Only because they refused too treat my failing organs.  That WASN'T a treatment, that was a death sentence.  I was triaged out of medical, into the fake(r) and gay(er) pseudo system.  Just... an experiiment.  Plus, when I understood, I quit the stuff and improved.  Never looked back.  Huge difference.

So, yes.  She is a loon.  Me?  I'm just so close to death I can hardly stand.  And, until my body gets used to meds, and my stats stabilize on top of sorting the affects and side effects of meds, I'm... pretty seriously lame.  Just being awake in the heat is difficult... and she keeps trying to push me to be up.

She had a booboo on the riding mower.  My two worries were that she got, or could have gotten, hurt.  Tthe mower can be fixed.  Not so easily old ladies.  Crazy or not, I am more concerned about her.

She came in crying.  Not... a good move.  Women who say they are equal, then cry when they fuck up, prove my point.  Besides, as with in the dream, I don't have that sort of sympathy.  Don't, just... don't.  I have zero fall for tears.  Just pisses me of that you are trying to play me.  Or are that emotionally unstable.  Don't.

On the good side, she didn't get hurt.  I was able to lift the riding mower off, if that heat was beastly.  It started up, and ran fine.  But we would have fixed it, good as new.  Plus, my gratitude for her work is without bounds... if I wish she would slow down.  She, her health, is vastly more valuable than some, any, work.  Will have to check the blades, hit them with the bastard file, replace if really bad.  Just a cost or effort, not a worry.

Now that we have her home, I want to... enjoy some time.  My time may be as limited as hers.  I don't mind doing some work, but I don't want to die burned out, exhausted, and so.  It would be nice to talk about the past, play a few games, enjoy some quiet meals... not sprint into tthe home stretch.

With family coming, she is trying to... do it all, at once.  We will have a place for them, good food, working facilities as is, and time to show them around.  Hopefully we can be fine hosts.  But this will never be a five star resort.  It won't even be done next fall.  So... we need to slow it, aim at what she really wants done, and understand limits.

I'm up.  So will check on water, coffee, tear boxes down, do a few this andd that things.  Took a showr before bed, but am so heated again, even with the ac.  Well, itt was making rough noises, so I shut it down, opening tthe windows.  Ugh.  Sounded like ice in there?  I have another, and can get another still, if need be.  Strange.

Later.

Way too much.

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.

She wanted to be ready for a guest, helper, today.  Starting the day before yesterday, through to three last night?  Five more like?  Work, work, work.  No doubt, much was done.  A ton was done.  Oh yes, I helped.

But, because we had worked, we weren't awake, or able to wake, in order to greet the visitor.  Not... all bad.  She keeps creating lists for other people.  No.  That's not how it works.  And wanting to hire work in, work I won't hire in, or allow to be hired in.  I can paint, in time.  Not on her timeline.  Tough.  If she has a small fortune tucked away, somehow?  Maybe.  But I would have better uses for that.

Steaks were cut this evening.  The ice held.  Skipped the chuck, as there are plenty of those cut.  Had to clear the drop-in freezer, sort what was there first.  All good.  Sorted some over to the fridge-freezer as well.  Plenty of meat for a good, long, time.  Having meat... eases her mind.

I let her know that, this fall and winter, I want to get chicken, chuck (and stew), burger, pork, and a few other meats canned.  Not a lot?  Say thirty to forty quarts of various?  For a yeaar or two backup?  More if we use that quickly?  Or so.  Just in case the freezer goes (or is unplugged by interlopers again).  Just... added food security.  Plus easy, if less tasty, meat or stew at the fast ready.

The place is truly getting better.  Improving, from floor, to drawer, to cupboard, to else.  I can only help, in limited ways.  But do fairly well.  Can lift or move almost anything.  Can figure some things out, when she can't.  Will buy what she might balk at purchasing, for price or perceived value.  She is learning that spilling a few dollars for ease of effort sometimes really pays.  I may be a spendthrift, but she is far too frugal.  I can return unneeded, incorrect, or poor purchases, she just has to suffer privation.  We... sometimes... create balance.

I was up a bit ago.  BP was really off.  First the first number was way high, the rest normal.  Then the second number was to high, the others normal.  And a third reading was wonky in odd ways.  Blood sugar was 115, not optimal but meh.

Got her coffee set up.  Brought the sun tea in, late.  Filled all the jugs, then one for tea tomorrow, finally filling the reservoir.  Had an herbal tea mix.  Set the ice machine running.

As well, put the hoses out and ran the sprinklers.  Won't, normally, going forward, nearly as often.  But things had been allowed to get dire.  Now will back off watering a bit.  I did turn the hot water off, in her bathroom.  It... Keeps an odd anomally from happening.  I turned that back on when finished.

Oh, she was going to boil eggs.  Must have crashed before.  So, I got to those.  She... way overdoes them.  I got them more done than I prefer, but good enough, I suspect, for both of us.  Peeled them, and had one.  Should work.

I also figured out the probable problem with the dishwasher.  She, most likely, was trying to run it and the washing  machine at once.  Or was using the sprayer outside, out back.  Currently that won't work.  If I suspect, even when the tankless gets installed, it still won't work with any other water draw.  Just... it demands too much water.  Can only run it at night, after watering or on nights we don't water.  Certain limits, realities.  Good, if you play nice, right.

I'm up.  Will check and do more ice, perhaps have a bite, take a shower, and have coffee?  Maybe not.  I'm beginning to not trust coffee, or cream.  May be cutting those out for a while.  Would be easy targets for someone attempting to poison.  Just... having to... rethink a few things.  Yes, seriously.  Even mother, as a serious cynic, has already seen... vast changes.  If still seeing... problems.  She... may have shadows of doubts.

Could be written off, as this or that.  But... could be just as I roughly suspect.  Ugh.  Later, or good night.

A female Yoda?

.

.

Going through my things.  You don't need this!  *toss*  What is this?  It's a strap tool, for boxes, shipping.  Scrunches face, do you need, want it?  Yes!  If you don't know what it is, if it weighs a lot, if it is mechanical, has beauty or shape, or you think it might have value (or be exensive for YOU TO REPLACE) do not toss it!

I am too ill to babysit, or do it myself.  And she keeps wanting help.  I need a week or two off.  I will have to rent a placee if she can't leave me alone.  I'll give her one more chance.  I have things to do, she either short circuits things, or wears me out.  I need to do things, and will go away to get them done, if needs be.

Amazon was given a chance.  This time they delivered.  Still a few things going astray, getting lost on the way, or whatnot.  But they got a load in on fast track.  But their card payment system is broken.  Won't take paymeents, won't keep up on balances, as if their system broke, melted down.  A strange thing, for a seller to bottleneck.  Bad for business.  I am being forced to look elsewhere.  Crazy, but their loss, if my inconvenience and often slightly higher prices.  Too much higher and I just hold off buying.  Bleh 

Back to sleep.  Later.

Feeling so ill.

.

.

Worse when it warms.  Feignt, nauseous, weak.  Pulse was down to 38?  BP was slightly elevated, blood sugar was 109.  Really, all good save that pulse.  But... a symptom or cause?

I put two more carafes of water through, making coffee, running two batches of ice, and a few small things.  Didn't check dishes, I couldn't stand more than what I had done.

A few returns, and replacement orders, and a few other things.  Plans for one more larger order this next month.  For a few last tools, and powerful batteries for one of those and some of my other hungrier tools.

Having the right tools makes a vast difference.  It takes impossible tasks and makes them... easy.  Oh, she won't approve.  At least until she sees 'why'.  Though, even then, maybe not.  As mentioned, these things aren't for her to consider.  I see them as worthwhile, so will purchse them.  If they prove to be unneeded, back they will go.

Will find out soon enough.  Looking forward to that day.  Yes, I do love tools.  And working, when I can.  Good night, and blessings, again.

3:01

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.

Was it to 22:00 when I went to bed last time?  21:00?  In there.  I got cold, so had to wrap up.  The whether report I get suggests it is 69 andd falling... degrees out there.  I have doubts.  May step out, when I finish getting back up.  

A few more things to do?  More water to fill?  If I have coffee, and maybe make more ice?  May check the dishwasher, for clean to put up.  Need to clear cat litter.  Perhaps another bite.  Oh, but certainly medicine.

It souunds like the new toilet will be going in soon.  And, may see aboout help putting the filtration components in.  I would need an half or three quarter inch plywood panel in, to connect it all to, and more pex line and fittings.  Would really be nice.

Once that is up, when I can, I then need to take the kitchen faucet down, use the compressor to clear that, run the line of old sediment while the filteation wall clears new, then reinstall it.  See if that doeesn't work better.

I can't work well during the day, currently.  Just shopping about guts me.  But, maybe later in the nightt?  Like now?  My late doings don't seem to bother mom.  And... I don't up with curious cow looky-louing.  Just... some things are better done alone.  Sometimes she helps, sometimes, usually, she just... doesn't.

If that doesn't work, I'll just replace the thing.  Lovely, shiny, chrome, copper, artistic, but poorly designed, or built?  Or just way too much sediment?  Will find out in a week or two.

Sometimes, with mom here, I am remindeed of 'The Others'.  Does she know... something I don't?  Is she trying to wake me up?  Is it her,cor reality, I am resisting?  Just... sometimes... I wonder.  Am I already dead?

----------

Dreamed two shorts.  In the first one, I was in Alaska.  In the far north, on the shore, if you couldn't tell.  In a bit of a spot.  On foot, and polar bears were out.

I came across a group of feckless revelers.  A group of men and women, out stupidly drunk, partying in a place of death.

We had a brief interaction that went as expected, but didn't go absolutely disastrously.  We were just parting ways when I saw cubs.  Three.  No mama, but...  I suggested they leave well enough alone, and move along quickly.

Nope.  Drunk and stupid.  I knew I could not vacate before... it happened.  So, I found a stack of bear pelts, from a hunter, which was out and away, and crawled in to hunker down.  Hoping to be scent covered and warm enough.

Then I heard them start in on the cubs.  Play, at first.  Did someone get nipped?  It turned from play, to mean, to killing.  At least one of the cubs died an ugly death.  Then I heard what sounded like a distant, or waking, roar.  Closer, louder, fast.  Then screams, running, and snapping as if twigs.  Those weren't twigs.

It seemed to go on forever, and yet was terribly fast.  Each individual went very fast.  She wasn't there to hurt, punish, make a point.  She was exterminating in a damned hurry.  Running, fighting, hiding, didn't seem to make any difference.

She never approached me.  The scent cover was enough.  She found her cubs, alive and dead.  Grieving terribly, yet joyful with what she had.  Hours were spent, mourning, ripping the offenders, and tending her cubs... living and dead.

Finally she left.  I waited longer, but not too much longer.  The slaughter would eventually bring others in.

The... piles of butchered meat, that had been humans, was something.  I couldn't tell man from woman without looking closer than I was willing to look.  By size?  Not... even sure then.  Pounded, torn, sliced, ripped...  I had told them.  Was surprised to find two of the women alive.  They had crawled in, hidden.

When I found them, they started whimpering.  I just told them, if they kept that up, I would outpace them and leave them.  Especially since I considered them party to this mess.  When they realized I would, the noises stopped.

Still on foot, still in polar bear country, now with piles of fresh blood and meat all around, and two stupid broads in tow.  Not a good start, but could be worse.  Could be out there without  bait.

----------

In the next one, I ended up in prison?  Not connected to the last dream.  As I have it, I was railroaded.  They knew I was innocent.  Half the point.

I was put in with a new "class" of inmates, fresh recruits chronologically.  Some where frequent fliers, some of us noobs.

Right in.  Someone had a mouth and thought to check ol' Doomster.  I gave it back.  Lip for word.  Then we started circling, getting ready for it.  Me nearing sixty, him being... early to mid thirties.

I have to admit, and did out loud, that I was feeling my age.  He asked if I wanted mercy.  Not at the cost, I said.  No, we are... going to have to do this.  Closing in, looking for openings.  Then I sensed it, them.  Told him to cool it, as I backed down.  He... caught my drift.

We both backed, to our seats, and took our seats just in time as a small army of our hosts burst in, ready to rumble.  Surprised by the calm, their chief came right over to me and just grinned.  A seer?  I just nodded.  A few  of the other inmates, including my opponent, took notice.

Not sure, but... I suspect I made an unlikely friend.  He isn't a complete idiot.  And it pays to have eyes where none can see.  If it isn't always as it seems.  Sometimes I get fed what is needed to get things done, or keep them from happening.  And, if it plays to my liking, and what is right, I may play along.  Don't try to jack a real seer though.

----------

Well... on with... things.

Forgot medicine.

.

.

I did get food.  A few slices of ham four, thin.  Plus eight slices of cheese, gouda and havarti.  Rolled together, and individual parts.  A iced vinegar tonic, then more water.  Very good.

I had to hunt and peck to find thee coffee filters.  Mother cleaned the table.  No, all good.  She set the boquet I purchased up.  Roses and another sort.  Quite a pretty half bunch though.  I've been meaning to get those.  Just a twice a month, or even every other month thing.

Then I set water running, through the filters.  Filling several jugs, including one for sun tea tomorrow.  As well, getting ice going.  Little things.  Hopefully a bit more later.  I'll check the dishwasher.

I'm not doing much.  But I think it lifts some of thee load, supports her in her efforts, and just helps her noot feel so alone in the work.  That can end up a dark place.  I do try, and get a few needs and wants tended.  And I like doing it,  try to see and do more, as possible.

Oh, nothing fancy.  Just little things that make her feel apreciated.  I'd do more, do when I can.  But... it's mostly what I can do.  Though  we keep getting out this week.  And that is killing me.  May have to go tomorrow?  Though will see if I can do it Monday.  Solo.  Blood test, for kidney doc.  May see if podiatrist wants to get an actual liver panel.  Need to call him for other things anyway.

Back down, for a bit.  Back up in a while?  Maybe.  Make sure all water and the reservoir is good, fill the ice tray(s), and possibly run another ice batch.  Ah, and take night meds, perhaps check bo and blood sugar?  Have a warm chamomile and other herb tea?  Life is good, if it can bee kept simple enough.  With some pleasure, effort, eveen pains to remind that joys are gifts, not grants.

Good night again.

That heat just kills.

.

.

I was able to tolerate a lot more last summer?  But maybe not.  I was staying indoors.  I wasn't being waken in the middle of my sleep, and yes, sometimes I sleep long hours.  And I wasn't being asked to do heavier work, or nearly as frequently.  Though too, I wasn't in a medicinal reset mode.  That, all by itself, can be nearly fatal.  Crushing, grinding, at least.

We made it to grocery stores today.  I upgraded my costco membership, just to be allowed in an hour earlier.  As things stand, that alone is worth it to me.  Cooler in the early.

I bought enough meat for me to go back on a mostly meat diet.  From now on, I will cook and eat for myself, mostly.  Eating when I need, as I do.  She has to get used to eating more solo, especially if she wants odds and ends.

There is always extra.  I (almost) never eat a whole steak.  Though, whether she wants me to cut and cook a portion, or cook it all, will be up to her.  My steak would be underdone for her, if that leaves room for reheating without ruining it.  For steak.  But for chuck and pork roast, we do well, agreeing with it's doneness.

While buying my chuck roll and ribeye roast, I realized we didn't bring a cooler.  So I bought one.  Before I could say two words, she jumped me.  I corrected that immediately.  It was the third or fourth bitchy episode today.  A, we aren't married.  B, my money is just that.  C, she didn't give me a chance to explain.  D, just no.  Even my wife won't be allowed that, without solid correcting.

And, no, it's none of your business either.  Other than that I solidly corrected, starting from the first nag this morning.  More gently, until it was in with both boots, and without allowances the last time.

Don't, as a guest, think you have say in my life, or that I will tolerate nagging, bitching, or such.  If... you want any input whatsoever, wait until I have fully explained something.  Then, after hearing, actually listening, then?  Then you may ask something, politely.  You simply don't have say nor I tolerance for jumping me, about anything.

Either that or you will be completely excluded from processes, thoughts, considerations, and will get what you get.  No, not hating, just... there are absolute limits to certain behaviors.  I can handle a quip, in the heat, or a bad day.  But I will correct, directly, fully, without mercy if need be.  And I will never appologize.  If you wish to stop talking to me?  Okay.  I can go minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, without talking.  I do that standing on my hands.  You can try holding your breath too.  All good.  *rictus grins*

Anyway... set up for food, for a bit.  I need to cut and package.  The roasts are still sealed, in the cooler, with ice.  I may head down shotrtly.  Though, not to cut even yet.  A shower, medicine, maybe cold cuts and cheese slices, plus a vinegar tonic, then lots of water.  Ugh.  So hot, even after sleeping.

I'll cool off, feed lightly, hydrate, then get back to bed.  Waking in the cool of the night to cut the roasts into more usable portions.  Two steaks will be left out.  Oh, and she just thinks I'll cut half the ribeyes for her.  A, no.  She wiill only eat a steak a week, a thin one.  I know her.  I will eat one or two.  So no half and half thin/thick.  If she isn't careful, I won't share at all.  Seriously, that's some gall.  Ugh.  Later.