It can be the little things.

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I could not wake at 10:00. I pushed for it, I did try, but the wires simply would not cross to light off ignition. When the alarm went off at 11:00, I pushed, hard, again. I had to fake it for a bit and was worried about a relapse. It looks like I made it. A little bit of time was given just to let the engine idle. Then I started on breakfast. Next I will be taking a shower. I will get some business completed today, maybe laundry, and I will most likely get out to the hen house.

I know this all has to seem... stupid, foolish, simple... to you. Working hard at doing what everyone else does almost every day of their lives. I sometimes wonder if I am not merely playing games with myself, with my capacity. I have wondered if it is psychological or physical, or just make believe. I do believe it is real, but that is only a belief as psychologists either through incompetence or giving up simply end up parroting whatever clients claim... if they hold their real and medical (often quite different) opinions in secret. Medical doctors are much the same. If neither can objectively know, in any case, which they seemingly cannot (assuming they have been honest with me... ugh, but it gets deep), then they are of little use. Unless, of course, they could provide a cure or even a functional treatment plan. Neither has been forthcoming. So, I am left with mere belief, and my belief is that I have a physical problem. Even if it is in my head, however, it is just as real.

I realize that if I were a machine I would have been considered hopelessly dysfunctional. I would have been scrapped or simply destroyed, being found not worth further evaluation, testing, or attempts at repairing. The Navy did so. I have done so. The V.A. has done so. And yet I cannot, again, attempt to end it. What I am left with is... stupid little things like finding success in waking at 11:00 instead of 13:00 or 15:00, doing simple chores and eating regularly and correctly, even grooming regularly and rightly. Anything else is nearly over the top, even now. That is my life. And, yes, I do feel guilt about it. I do feel shame.

Anyway, I hope to find time in there to begin my math study. I will be looking over material which covers general problem solving methods. Yes, algebra and trig word problems are deliciously frustrating. They are what all other application maths, in my opinion, are about. Real problems, offered in a logical manner, using specific terms and phrases, describing a problem that needs to be solved using numbers and associated symbols. The English of solution more vital to understand than simple math processes. Once that is understood, then both solving and designing problems which might need to be solved becomes the next piece. Beyond the English of math allowing one to read or design a solution set it also allows simpler communication and therefore a group solving function. Which allows several minds to be together in solving a problem or the breaking up of a problem to be solved by various individuals or groups. So, that is where I will start. Plus, a bit of a review of algebra, geometry, and maybe trig would be good before jumping into calculus studies again. Someday I might even be good at math. Then again, what is "good at math"?

Later.

Slogging through some of it.

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Laundry did not get done. The shoveling and weed whipping an area I really wanted to hit did get done though. I weed whipped into the two out buildings within the fenced area. It looks like the previous residents were composting, goat manure if my taste buds are on top of their game. (jk) Though I really do suspect it is goat dung. Of course, without knowing, I do not think it wise to spread the stuff. I am not sure how long a pile of dung would be good in any case. That is, if that is what the fenced in pile of mush is. The work felt good.

Tomorrow I am hoping to get out and inspect the chicken coop. Even if it is good, I will need to clean up and clear out the inside. The same with all of the out buildings. There is not a lot to do, or a great deal all in one place, but the sum total of cleaning and clearing will be a large chore. Beyond that, there are pieces of motors, building materials (some of which might still be useful), and left over "hay" or other feed which will have to be cleared out. Honestly, I have never done that type of work before. I am guessing I will need even another type of shovel, a feed shovel, to clear the floors.

I did roast the meats, but they did not come out well. Beyond my overcooking, the roasts came in the meat package. They were not the best of roasts. My unfamiliarity with extra lean cuts does not help. I simply do not like meats that need to be babysat to cook well, or tricks, or whatever those take. I probably will not buy packages of meats from now on. There is too much waste. What I do need to do, however, is make a list of roasts, steaks, and such which I do use, know how to cook, and enjoy and see if the butcher will make a package in that vein. If not I will simply stick with occasional purchases. I suppose I could expand my cooking repertoire but at this time, that is not my thing. I only learned what I did of cooking to feed my then fiancee. She did not appreciate it but it has paid off, for me, in the end. I also need to learn my grill better. It cooks so much faster. Lean meats should never find their way to it though. That is one of my first few lessons.

The headache has stayed with me. I have been avoiding taking anything for it since it is not severe. It seems to be worsening, so I will take Tylenol tonight. The aches and pains have gone over time at least. I would love to go to bed now, actually a while ago, but... there is no purpose to it. I will merely toss and turn and then have to be awake later and for longer. I am not sure what to do. I guess I will just have to roll with this problem until I figure it out. I will no longer set the alarm for 8:00, probably opting to set it for 10:00 as a temporary goal. Cool nights might be playing their part in the thing. Who knows. I just know all my efforts, to point, have been fruitless. Working on it though.

Good night, if I will not be in bed for a couple of hours. Da bother!

Not a chance.

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I could not sleep, in spite of doing most things right leading up to it. Until 3:30, no sleep was to be had. The alarm this morning was simply annoying. I did not wake until... noon, 13:00? I could not get a thing done either. I think that last was, in large part, due to trying to wake at 8:00, then 9:00, then 10:00 before finally shutting the @#$#@$ thing off. I am simply not sure how to get this thing going again. It is at times like these when I suspect there is something physical. No depression, the weather is good, I have been on the feed bag within reason, many of my worries are tended, and yet I cannot function.

I will get to some physical work today. That is the one thing I did not do yesterday. Shoveling the last half of that last pile of dirt and doing some weed whipping might do the trick. I am planning to do laundry, which did not get done yesterday as had been planned. Finally, I have found several math review sets and will be going over those tonight with whatever time I have. I want to do the physical work right after starting laundry, checking the laundry on my breaks. I will save the mental stuff for this evening. I need a long time to cool down from physical work before sleep can be had. I am going to work on getting to sleep and waking up until I get it down.

I am suffering from aches, pains, and a headache today. I think this is caused by too much sleep. Perhaps I am not turning well, so sleeping too deeply along with that. I cannot be sure. It is not to a level, yet, where that alone will interfere with my function. If I let it go, though, it will become a problem all by itself.

One foot at a time, one task done, on goal created and worked out. I honestly do not understand how people get up every day at the same time. I am not lazy, I do push hard, I do have some smarts, some strength, and a powerful will when I can focus. Then again, I doubt if I would be sitting at 100% disability without having some sort of serious problem. Even if they named it incorrectly, they probably gave it whatever name worked as much as or more than offering a functional diagnosis. It is a mixed blessing. But the disability itself, within function, is merely a curse.

I ordered shirts and pants recently. I ordered large tall shirts, which may be a bit tight still. Which is odd, because extra large hang on me like a nightshirt. I ordered a 40 waist jeans, which seem too loose by a good bit. I hate ordering clothes, it always seems like none if it every quite fits just right... or even close enough for my engineering sort of mind. I need to buy a couple of belts too. I am on the last notches and at the pace that is going, I will truly need a new belt within a month or two. My chest is still 52 inches, it is the gut area that is going (not gone, mind you), perhaps that is the problem with the shirts. But I hate, I mean hate, having so much extra material that my shirts are like mini-dresses and the thing just shrouds me. *shrug*

On to some work... Right, laundry first. Uhrm, and a shower? Nah, I have a baseball cap for middling days now. Baseball hats, or any head covering, is a new thing to me. They aren't all bad, actually... as long as you do not have to remove them in public. Later.

Bed time, maybe.

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I am going to try and get to sleep early tonight. The goal is to be in bed by between 22:30 and 23:00. The next goal is to be awake, functionally, by 10:00 if not earlier. I will be setting my alarm to wake me at 8:00. And again, I will try to wake then, barring that I will reset the device for a bit later. Darn it, I will figure this out. The next time I am in town I will be looking for an electrical timed fitting. I know as fall approaches and as the nights cool I may need that "daylamp". Having it turn on as I wake up without muss or fuss is the only way some things get done regularly. Hmm, if they could dose food with medicine, I could probably take it more easily too. If I were ever so inclined as to again take their stupid stuff... which I am not.

After the appointment, I was late to it as time flew while I was waking, I returned and finished all dishes and sorted cat litter boxes. I am using old shopping bags when doing that now. Cat poop stinks, though the urine is not great smelling either. It has to go out immediately after being sifted. I will make a bit of supper. I am thawing some meat to try on the grill tomorrow. Other than that, nada.

Tomorrow is an open book. I still have business to sort through, work to be done, and a list of things to buy that is far longer than my wallet can reach. I will probably stick to doing a bit of work and trying to finalize those last pieces of business. I have no idea how much will get done. Further, I am not even sure what all I need to do, let alone how to do it. I guess, like the last time I was confronted with confusion and the feeling of being overwhelmed, I will simply take one task, begin it, and see where things go from there. Keeping a pen and pad nearby helps, as while I am working, I often remember what else I meant to do.

Time for dinner, a little stupid tube channel flicking, and then bed time I hope. Good night. Prayers on the way.

My bet.

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I hear about the economic situation. Most of my fellow bloggers at least touch on it, some of them (you) are focused almost exclusively on it. Why prep if not for, pretty much, that... at this point anyway. Anyway, I do have some things I feel need to be said.

Do I believe we are in an economic free-fall and potential TEOTWAWKI situation? Yes. Absolutely, we are there, further, "we" are speeding up the fall. The US dollar, among many others, are problematic more so overseas but coming to a city near you. The dollar, essentially, is not trusted. It should not be, but then it never should have been. Any currency, really, is a means of ramping production, creating a means of survival, or other such business. To vest one's purpose or sole means of survival in the flow of a piece of paper, or rock, or bits of metal... is suicide. You cannot eat paper. THAT is the problem, as much in America as anywhere.

As well, when people gain access to control through a cultural vestment in an absurd object, the games will begin. Does any one group or man control anything? Yes and no. There are loose groups, governments, organizations, and individuals who hold great sway... over the worlds "paper" (money). Like when dealing with a bank, you cannot beat the house. Banks are better at making money, in the long run, than even gambling. Actually, gambling is a means of banking, just faster. And, banks are better at it. However, these groups can only claim power over paper, they do not control individuals or other such. Here is were politics steps in.

Politics, in this scenario, makes it so that an individual cannot create a means or product by which to amass wealth. It is not complete or absolute, yet, in America, but it is getting there. By requiring permits, inspections, legal hoops to jump, and other manner of prevention, only people with the "paper" to fly a kite can get into the action. This limits entrepreneurship. Corruption does not help. The next time you meet a real inventor, ask them about the risks of losing their work through the system, one way or the other. This is politics, though it goes beyond this.

The stimulus is a part of the problem currently. I should say stimuli. These monstrosities, if thought up by incompetent economists, in part, was also adopted by the fifth column. This was a means of socializing everything from the banking to the auto industry, and much further abroad. This part, however, seems to have been mostly rejected by businesses and citizens. How much has been socialized, though, we will not know for a long time. This might just be the seed. Once on the tit, often industries can not recover. We will see.

My bet? My bet is simple. I bet that, with a deregulation and defunding boom the American economy not only can but will recover in record time. Paper is irrelevant. It means exactly what it is, paper. People not only can but will figure out a way in which to cause wealth to flow so that production, technology, and services may go forward with or without a national currency. Putting it another way, those who live their lives based on currency are no more wrong then people who are betting currency as we know it is needed to create wealth. That, my friends, is a big bad hard mistake.

The question is, will the freshmen do their job or just knuckle-shuffle another poor play which requires yet another bunt to the socialists? I guess that depends on something big. Is America, now and if so forever, a socialist state run by corrupt politicians and big players and groups? I do not know that answer. But I would bet my home on my suggestion. I simply hope we get the chance to see the bet played out.

Even a nuclear warhead can be predetonated or otherwise destroyed on the way to the mark. Why would an economic Armageddon be any different? TEOTWAWKI is here, but for good? We will see.

Why trust doctors?

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No reason I can summon, that is why I do not trust doctors. Among the many things they try to foist on patients, is the notion that drinking, at any level, is bad. I have heard this from almost every doctor I have seen, the ones who did not say so only omitted doing so because they were actually far too busy doing something that they actually do know something about (or think they do?). Here is one indication of how wrong doctors are. My guess is this also works with other things. Smoking tobacco, I might agree with the general findings. However, I will not stand by that absolutely. As for chewing tobacco, I doubt the prevailing medical opinion absolutely if without concrete evidence. What I have found though, is there has been NO RESEARCH into health benefits of chewing tobacco. Why? It is political in nature. Tobacco gives to Republicans, and despite what any particular doctor eventually smartens up to believe (if he gets beyond his indoctrination), the system which indoctrinated him from professor to dean to member of the AMA is so leftist it is scary. Researchers to physicians, this group cannot be relied on to use the science they claim as their cover. Anything regarding diet, health practices, to... almost anything they suggest, is at least questionable.

If doctors knew what they were talking about, there would be a lot less drug use in their ranks, they would be healthier and happier people, and they would honestly be able to help people with serious complicated health issues. Here is another example, how many overweight people have been helped by modern doctors? How many people do they functionally cure, from any disease, illness, or imbalance? These are not doctors who heal. These are pseudo scientists who use humans as guinea pigs. If I had a way to do it, I would make sure my doctor could not sell my file (even stripped of "personal information") to researchers. That, I think, is as much about what they do as anything. Do you honestly trust researchers? Bah!

Look what the cat dragged out of bed.

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I went to bed very late, again. A 3:30 bedtime is not conducive to an 8:00 wake and makes it tight for a 10:00 wake up. I did set the alarm for 8:00, and tried to put it in my mind to wake up and then reset the alarm for 9:00. I woke, but not until 8:30. Sam helped. When the alarm goes off, she knows she has my permission to pounce, purr, tickle my face with her whiskers, and otherwise pester me to rise. Not that I am too bothered if she does so otherwise, it is that her attempts then are less likely to succeed and she knows I try to rise with the alarm, and she can help me with that. She can be a persistent pest. She wants let out.

The alarm did not wake me until 8:30, so instead of resetting it for 9:00, I reset it for 10:00. Again, the alarm did not wake me immediately. Beyond, I am moving slowly. I did make some breakfast immediately and started my manual caffeine drip. At least I do not have a headache or anything else with which to contend. I need to see if today is a holiday or not. I am always lost on those things.

I looked over my list from yesterday. Hmm, someone was full of himself. Further, it is raining, has rained anyway, and is threatening rain again. I am not sure how much will really be done. The appointment will be made, unless today is a holiday. I might go in anyway to see if doc is still going to be in. He was gone all last week, in the corner of one of those new mixed martial arts fighter's corner. He really is good at what he does, the doc anyway.

I do not follow the fighters, so I am not sure who this one is. For me, fighting is not a sport. I think beat them down, kill them if necessary, take a walk to cool down, and take a shower, assuming you are not dead, and that is fighting. Since now I would have to discuss things with policemen, I would rather avoid altercations. Well, it is more than that. I never really did like fighting, it was simply necessary at some points in my life. Anything else is a game, and I do not play games. So, I really do not care to watch. And lest you think I have not faced serious opponents, I have fought against 7 opponents at once, martial artists, and a golden gloves winner. Meh, wrestlers make me the most nervous, tricky bastards.

Well, I best get to figuring out what is going on today. Have a good one.

Blimy, I have to figure this out.

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My sleep patterns that is. I have not been able to sleep until very late and thus I have not been able to wake up until 15:00 for the last two days. This will not work. I am going to have to call on all the willpower I can muster and fix this. Oh, I do not mind it. I am not sleeping long hours, actually quite the reverse, I am staying up longer and longer. I do not mind it in one sense, and yet I need to maintain both regular sleep patterns and be functional during the day. I have many reasons to do that and I like the notion. So, though these last few days have not hurt me, that is not the point. Tomorrow I am going to try and be awake by 10:00. Same goes with the rest of this week. That is the goal, though if I can wake up a little earlier, say 8:00, I will. I really have a goal of getting up at 6:00. That would be an excellent time to take a stroll to the dam and see if I am still coldproof, dipping into the waters and seeing how far I can go for about an hour.

I am somewhat surprised how quickly prepping goes when in the correct environment. No doubt, I could technically have been doing more before now. Practically, however, I have had my hands more than full. Even the down times I have had were needed, and they were slight. What I have done here, already, is nothing short of miraculous, perhaps even for a normal guy. At this point though, I am finding that I have large holes of time that are being wasted. Some of that is needed, some of it is due to overload, some of that is due to my existing condition. My improvement regarding wasted time, however, has been huge. How does one measure going from zero to 25 mph, perhaps up to 45 mph, and maybe eventually highway speed? There is not a chart or a math formula which functions with that well. Inertia has changed, but I am fighting both it and all the other factors which tend to get and then keep that zero quality and quantity.

Some short term food storage, more bullets, extra gear, matches, and hopefully some gardening set up. Actually, despite these last two days and occasional slips, even my schedule has been altered. To survive, daylight living is a must. Then again, without television, the computer, and with only work and reading perhaps, a regular schedule would be much easier to maintain. Especially since lights out would mean sundown. There are so many things yet to do, so many things I could and should buy, contacts to make, and livestock in which to invest.

Something that does concern me, about livestock, is husbandry. Unless I have neighbors who have similar stock for crossbreeding, those lines would be rather limited. Oh, I am sure three breeder rabbits and chickens and a buck and rooster would produce for years. Then what? How much inter-breeding is tolerable? Same for two or three she-goats and a billy. Horses are long-lived, but are also prone to disease, injury, and could bolt. Unless I have people within a 30 mile radius, the closer the better, raising similar stock, I would be in trouble. I am probably in better company for that here in Utah, but that is not a guarantee. Further, foodstock for those would be easy enough here, mostly. But water would be an issue, quickly. I suppose this township would figure something out swiftly, but a full water system as we know it? Lots of things to think about.

You know, if I won the lottery (a hypothetical, as I do not play), I would definitely have a well here. Then again, I am not sure that is possible. I still have not been able to track down whether a well is allowed within a certain distance from city water. Some states outlaw that, but I have not found that out for this state. A well would cost, roughly, between $10k and $20k, with no guarantee that water would be available. Now, that is after swimming through the water rights freakshow to even purchase the necessary water rights, which cost $3.5k to $4k. I just looked over my finances and they laughed, you heard that, laughed at me. I thought about laughing back, but my feelings were hurt. Ha!

Tomorrow. I will simply take one foot, put it before the other, and march on. So it is tomorrow I will consider. Actually, today. I will finish the dishes. I did none of them last night. I will also do what laundry I have and the bedding this time. Tomorrow I have an appointment. Though, is tomorrow Labor Day? Anyway, if I have an appointment tomorrow, fine. I also plan on doing two sessions of weed whipping, testing the vinegar concoction (just vinegar at various strengths and a spray bottle, but concoction sounds... more erudite!), finishing the shoveling, and then cooking something on my recently cleaned grill. I will also send a request of information to the V.A. and see if they will send me proof of disability to use for tax purposes. If I do get that, I will attempt to get my auto and home taxes arranged Tuesday. If they cannot send proof, I will try to figure out the next step in that process and go on from there. Assuming tomorrow is not a holiday. That is that, other than making every effort to be awake and moving by 10:00 or earlier. That is going to be the tough part.

Well, later. I am done rambling for a bit.

It could be worse.

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I kid you not. Though I have some serious problems dealing with life, I have avoided death (sort of), drugs, hoarding, obesity (technically still obese, but that does not make sense in my case, really), or other problems. No, I cannot make decisions well, or quickly, but I do make them. And, if all else fails, I begin chucking things. I have some sort of limit. I did dance on my grave with alcohol. But I beat it, finally. I never really tried drugs seriously. They are expensive and I worried about control. Not as in control of my life in the broader picture, more about control of my limbs, balance, and cognitive function. And, for being very unhealthy, I am very healthy. I have set up an appointment for the 15th, a general checkup. I have not checked my blood pressure in a bit. The last time I did it was much lower than what it had been. I am curious about my diabetes too. My urine does not cause foam in the toilet, so I am guessing it has improved as well.

Though I do have some underlying problem, in a way, this is compounded by having no need to work. They play on each other. When one fails to hold me down, the other may kick in. I am, honestly, amazed I am out here, in a home, and have done what I have done. I had a lot of help. But I had to ask for help and direct it or let that help do what it did. I am, slowly, too slowly, trying to work my way out. It reminds me of a particular type of problem in calculus. In those problem types, two functions (linear formulas for example) are both going to zero. If the problem leads to a real solution, the one in the numerator goes to zero first. Otherwise the problem will not produce a useful answer. This has real world implications. In my case, the math cannot actually help, the problem merely outlines what I see. There are no formulas I can use to check and see, as well I have no means of changing the numerator or denominator. However, outside influences can impact those formulas, somehow. Anything from trauma, which could bring me back more quickly or sink me, to economic situations, to perhaps simply figuring something major out, and there is always the potential that the medical field will seriously re-evaluate my health, find the real problem, and actually have a method of treating it that works.

Who knows what tomorrow will bring. There will be changes. There will be good things. And there will be bad things. None of these are actually important. What is important, for me and others, is not what happens but how we deal with whatever happens. Within certain constraints, I do well. Outside of those constraints... I know I have dealt with very harsh things. I know I can do so. I guess I simply do not like the notion.

Bed time. I need to cut off caffeine earlier. I am staying up way later than I like, if too I still wake in 8 hours (unless I really push my up time, and the vast majority of the time otherwise). Anyway, good night.

Not much.

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Getting out of bed was a bear today. I think I finally dragged bottom out at about... 14:00 or 15:00. Whack! Getting to anything proved tough. I have the dishes soaking again. I did get out and finish cleaning the grill. More degreaser, more scrubbing with the steel bristles and scraper, hosing things down, and a final bit of work with an oven cleaner. I cannot say it is beautiful or new looking, but it should be clean. Oh, then I let it burn for about 45 minutes on high. That should remove any trace elements. I will cook on it a few times between now and next weekend to make sure things taste good and are safe. Chemicals can be nasty and long lasting.

I have enjoyed Sam and Sassy today. Sassy needs attention, Sam just wants it from time to time. They are still at it and I suspect another month or more. I am not sure how old Sassy needs to be before she is more a cat than a kitten. That might be required too. Sam comes to me when she wants out, Sassy when she wants a teet, company, because I make an odd sound or meow, or just because while running around she ran out of steam near me and noticed me. *laughs*

Tomorrow will be a little or nothing day too. I might do some laundry, finish any dishes if I do not do them tonight or what I do not do tonight, and straighten the house a bit. I am sort of keeping to my weekly schedule, if things might be done a day or three late, they usually get hit soon or late. How often should bedding be washed? Some people do it weekly, but that seems a bit heavy to me. I know nothing about these things. Then again, I think everyone else just makes it up too, so...

I ordered enough kit to fill 50 buckets for long term storage. I now need the food and the buckets. I will probably only buy 25 buckets and lids right now. The food will come in even slower. I am hoping to split things up so that I do "sets" of foods all together. Something, for me, is I would like a lot more beans (legumes) than what is suggested. Though I like grains, and I know the 'grain to legume' model, I also know I usually eat a lot more beans than that model would suggest. In a mix, I add about 50% of each. I am not sure what that means nutritionally, I only know that is how I like it. I also eat more than what is suggested. Then again, what is suggested is aimed at small people. I would lose serious weight and too fast on a 2k, even 2.5k diet. If I am active, in the heat or cold, doing work, traveling, or exercising, I need about 3.5k calories. If I get to 2.5k or less a day, I simply begin shutting down. Anyway, that part of my prepping is beginning.

I am having to consider both the life I have now and the life potentially to come. Getting my mind wrapped around it is not a simple thing. Understand that driving to the city, should that even be tenable, would be a days exercise both ways, there will be no gas. A medical situation could easily be fatal, there will be no medical. I saw what it took for them to even find what was bleeding and sew it shut when I cut my hand, and I realize how quickly and easily that happened. It does make me glad that I am not taking any medications, as well. You cannot stock up enough for that and who knows if it will ever be produced or available. Electricity will be down, so no freezer, so meats we are used to will not be available. Beef will be missed. Milk will be missed. Most "fresh vegetables" will be missed most of the year. Heating will be difficult. I have been thinking about figuring out how to add a wood stove, though there are problems with that. Wood, even here, would be a long haul. Even with the plethora of horses in this area, wood would be a problem. I would guess that using a wood burning stove to heat the place for the winter and cook, I would need 7 to 12 cords a year. Look, if production, some form of government, and other resources did not come back online within 6 months to a year, most of us simply would not make it. Biker gangs would kill everything that could sustain them within a reasonable reach and even they would starve and die relatively quickly. Only the military would hang on for an extended period of time, and most likely, they would not share. They might accept serfs to handle gardens and the like, or to replace troops, but they would not simply help. It would not be sustainable. Anyway... just rambling through some things.

Good night.

Everything on the list...

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Save dishes, so far. Although I did a number of things not on the list too. I will not bore you with details today. I am pleased that I got up, got busy, got done, and it is just 22:00. Shooting went well. Today, there were places to sit. I cannot believe how easy it is to shoot while seated. Oh, I knew. I just did not realize I had become that good of a shot. At least a good shot within 50 yards. Pistols, at that range, are a little rough. Actually, that is not true either. My friend loads to the max capacity, not caring a whit about accuracy. And this load will be this velocity, that one another, there is no similarity between rounds. It is still fun to shoot. With my .22 pistol, with similar rounds throughout the shoot, I can pretty much peg anything in the 50 yard area. With the .45, I can usually reach out to 35 yards, sometimes a little farther.

I found a good price on the chainsaw I would like. However, I am still unsure about whether to buy one. While in the store looking at the chainsaw and picking up more degreaser, I happened to notice they had a "survivalist" section. Browsing it, I saw they had survival blankets. They had the cheesy ones and heavy, multiple usage ones. I picked a heavier one. Sure, it weighs a slight bit more, takes more space, and cost a lot more, but it will pay for itself with a few uses. The tree saw they had, the chain type one, I passed on. Most of those are too flimsy and this was among those.

I have noticed that while I shop now, I am always looking for little bits and pieces. My eyes, as I like to say, are always on. They are anyway, though usually because people are dangerous, stupid, and seem to be unaware of just what I am. Too stupid to see a giant or at least give one space, too stupid to not to become a problem, I think. People like to push. Rather than push back, I simply point out that they are in my space and face them directly. The stupid move on, the rude think about it then move on. I have not yet faced an aggressor. Fools.

I do not know what I can get done tomorrow. I may go out and use oven cleaner on the grill, leaving it overnight. I purchased another hose today, a single hundred foot hose. I thought I had figured out how to control spray, I was wrong. I will need to get a fitting the next time I am in town. I would like to weed whip and shovel as well. And, probably, the dishes. I may get those done tonight, or not.

The business I was doing is still not done. I have talked to someone about all these things, completing some of them. Business is such a pain. No business can be done until Monday though. But, like last Monday, I will be ready.

Later.

I suspected noon.

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And so it was. At 12:00, actually a little before, I woke. Sam has been letting me know it is time to go outside all morning, I think even earlier. But at 11:45 she started putting her cold damp nose into my business. That and getting an inch and a half from my eyes and meowing. I really think she means to scare the bejesus out of me. It used to work too, stupid cat. Of course, I like frights, so enjoyed it. I am complicated, like an onion. I almost made it out of bed before the alarm went off too.

Though I did turn on the television to get my morning, and local, news fix, I also prepped breakfast. It takes a long time, 20 to 30 minutes, to make cereal. Well, cooked cereal. I will not mess with Wheaties, Cheerios, or the like anymore. There is simply too much gunk in it all. And it is cold. I suppose I could add some milk, make it soggy, and microwave it. I could also just eat bugs. I know making breakfast right out of bed is normal for many of you. For me, though, it is irregular. Doing anything right after waking is a sign of a potentially good workday.

Yesterday was a twelve to thirteen hour workday. Though I did have the tube on while doing things, it was mostly background noise. Folding clothes, cleaning guns, and some other things require more attention than not. I am not sure how much I will be able to get done today, though rising even at this time of day, with breakfast in my stomach, and with a list and a good will already, I could get many things completed. Perhaps this will make up for the slack I was feeling with the days before this. I almost dropped into lethargy again, scary.

In about a half hour, after waking properly, letting breakfast process, and getting into the afternoon where people will be available for phone calls, I will begin calling. I have many phone calls to make, including that last bill. If I can knock those out early, any real work will be a breeze. I went online last night and looked at the price of tools I would like at Sears. I should check Lowe's too. Sears priced a variable 26 foot ladder, circular saw and blade pack, chainsaw, and a few sawhorses at just at $1060 IIRC. The ladder is expensive, but it does everything I would need, from a 26 foot extension ladder, a step and uneven step ladder, to a varied level scaffold, and it holds 300 pounds while being tested to up to 4 times that amount before failure. A circular saw is on the list for sure, as are sawhorses. Though I might simply rig up a few extra of those. The chainsaw is the one thing that is questionable. But damn it, a chainsaw would really be good.

Anyway, the plans for today were outlined last night. I am going to get through what of that I can. Knowing me, I will hit some snags and find additional jobs, so who knows what will be done. Good day, I hope you get your lists completed as well.

Another nothing day.

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*sigh*

Almost.

I woke late, ran slow, but at 15:00 I called to check on my home insurance. It looks to be going through. They received the inspection and have sent it on to the underwriter. As far as I know, that is it. I let another hour roll by, then almost another. But there have been things on my mind. With a little work and some concentration, I finally got off my butt. At first I was a bit overwhelmed with the number of things to be done and a number of additional items on top of those things.

What to do first. So many things needed tending that I simply decided to dive in and see where I got and then make plans. I decided to see what was in the laundry room and figure that out, plus some towels. While I was at it, I finally put up a retractable clothes line. I had a bathroom rug and a runner rug Sam had... despoiled... in various ways. They had been soaking. Along with the towels, a half cup of vinegar as some of the towels were sour, and the towels and washcolths, I put in the first load. There were towels in the dryer. I worried that they would be a bit sour, but they were fine, so I folded those and the jeans that were in there. I also took the shirts I had put on hangers from my last wash day to my bedroom. A few last towels from the last load and the jeans need to be put away, but they are on my bed so that will be easy.

After that, I began soaking dishes. Those things really creep up on a guy. As I was doing that, I realized the beans needed to be cooked and I had meant to clean the grill. I also remembered I needed to fertilize the plants and clean my guns. It was getting late though. I decided to take one job at a time and see how far I could go. I rinsed the now well soaked beans, remembered the ham bone and some side pork I had recently purchased. A quick searing of the pork fat, and thawing of the ham bone, a fresh load of water on the beans, a combination of all that, and I started cooking those. Fertilizing the plants was an easy and quick job, so I did that. Then I realized the cat and kitty litter really needed hit. So, I did that, sweeping everywhere afterward. Since I have double kitty litter tubs for each size, this time when I switched them out, I cleaned the used tubs and set them to dry.

Then I grabbed the degreaser I had recently purchased, and to the grill I went. I need more degreaser and will need to spray off that area before I let Sam out tomorrow. I am not sure how she is with that stuff, but knowing cats, I will err on the side of caution. Of course, the job will not be completed without a lot more degreaser. Still, I gave it a hearty go, using all the degreaser I had, using the steel brush as well, between spraying. I then came in and got to work on cleaning my guns.

I cleaned my .45 spic and span clean. The .22s are a pain to clean. Simply put, getting cloth down the barrels is proving impossible with the equipment I have. I do have a bore snake for that, but it is not the same. At least with the Henry, it is not so vital. Actually, cleaning it then oiling it makes it somewhat sticky. After a hundred rounds the Henry gets cranky when levering the action. If I do not clean her for a couple hundred rounds, she then cycles easily no matter how many I put down her tube. Still, I prefer to at least give her some care. The .22 pistol has to be kept clean. Ruger makes a good pistol, but it is a semi-auto and a picky one. I get more misfires, rare as they are when clean and probably due to the "quality" of standard .22 ammunition. If the pistol is not clean, I think it becomes a 'dirt' issue. She is as clean as I was willing to do tonight. She really needs stripped down and hard core cleaned. However, there is a trick to reassembling this pistol. I have forgotten it. It is on YouTube, but I do not currently have sound on this machine, so... That is another job for another day.

I never did get to the dishes. I will reset the soak, take out anything wooden for the overnight soak, and get to that tomorrow. I also need to pay my final bill tomorrow, call the V.A. for an appointment (standard checkup), call around to see if I can get a better number to call for a V.A. rep to get my files transferred and obtain proof of my V.A. disability for tax purposes, call my chiropractor as nothing is set up and should be, and maybe get to town for some hard water conditioning stuff to try and open the cold water in my washing machine, buy some more degreaser, and maybe go shooting. Well, we will see about all that. Then again, I did not think I could do what I did today either, not in the time allowed.

Hey, have a good night. You know some of you are still heavily on my prayer list. It is good to see checks coming in again for you and life getting back to normal after the scare with the pox on your house for you. And of course, we all need prayers in these times, as we prepare for what is to come. Yes indeed. Good night.

Addendum:

I had hoped to work up the energy to do the dishes before going to bed. That did not happen. However, I did scratch one major and long time itch. I went through old emails, cleaning my main system to a mere fifty or less. I had to go through nearly a thousand emails. Some I want, and had been looking for. Most were needing to be circular filed. I had not gone through them because of time and because some were necessary for a dozen bits of business, including buying this house. I have been wanting to dump those for so long. I think, I say I think, I can safely dump those. Either way, that itch has been scratched. Of course, it is nearly 4:00 here, now. Oh well. Tomorrow starts early... afternoon. I will get done what I may. Good night.

It is time to get busy again.

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I still have some business to tend this week. Still, I think I can line up the last five or six tasks and begin doing some manual work. I am hoping to finish the business tasks and then begin shoveling, weed whip a couple of times, check out the hen house and make a decision about that, and that will be all for this week. Next week I would like to have the weed whipping completed, be set up to do some tree trimming Saturday, build what of my reloading bench I have lumber for (if I do not do that tonight...), and hit the boxes I still have stored upstairs, and begin figuring out the wiring and plumbing in the house.

Everything beyond that is more money dependent than time dependent. I am not sure how much steel roofing is needed or how much it might cost, for example. And even if I cannot quite pull the money for a chainsaw out of my budget, I might get a ladder. There are a dozen things a ladder could help me do, things that do not cost money. I need to figure out if the light at the peak of the garage is merely burned out or if there is an electrical problem, I need to finish painting over purple trim that I had not noticed before, and the ladder might see me to some of the tree trimming. The thing is, if I get a step ladder (more useful), it very well exclude even attempting most of the trimming. A step ladder would be the best. There is a ladder which supposedly acts as both types, and even can act as a scaffold. I am simply unsure about how real the claims on that are. And it is a good deal pricier. Decisions...

Even if it seems like a slow week, I have been doing more than it seems. The work is different. Calling, waiting for replies, recalling, finding people, faxing, figuring out bills, reimbursement check validities, and mucking about in money and insurance notions. I could have done more along the physical side, but I tend to get jammed up doing this kind of work and cannot repurpose myself. Yes, I get stuck. Still, only a few tasks left of the pile I started with. I need to shove through that, I want it done by Friday, maybe even tomorrow... my part of it anyway.

Hmm, I think I am going to look over the reloading table, get the tomatoes watered, soak some beans, and clean as many of my guns as I can. It is about time with those, past time. I would like to go shooting soon but have decided I will not do so until I get my guns cleaned. Darn it, I want to plink!

Good night.

Late start, little done.

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The phone number I was given to try and call the V.A. to get proof of disability and to have my file transferred is bogus. After fifteen calls I have yet to even get past being told that the phone lines are too busy to even put me on hold, saying that I should call back. I have tried to get an advocate directly, I have followed the "directory" around to various call centers, and it always ends up the same. I will need to speak to someone, probably Scott (I think, the first man I visited recently), and see if they have a real number or a particular person to call. If nothing else, I may have him arrange an appointment there in Salt Lake City.

As well, I have heard nothing from the electrician. I have called him two or three times since the initial call, his call back, and faxing him the material he needs to sign and send. I will be calling him again tonight, two or three times if needed. I have until the end of the month to get this done, actually a little less. However, there is nothing I can do if he will not call back. I really cannot afford to have some other electrician come in, possibly doing repairs that were supposed to be done already, and even if I could there is little or no time. Trouble, that is what this is becoming. I may need to inquire into the services of a lawyer. Trouble indeed.

Another day of doing little. I have to figure out how to get some more work done. I have done much of the business that I can do. I have one thing waiting for tomorrow to complete. The rest of my business hinges on a defunct phone number and an electrician who does not seem to be interested in doing what he was asked to do. So, where to go from here? It is all... confused. This, you see, is why I hate doing business.

Sam and Sassy are doing well. Sassy is playing less, and I am weening her off playing with my hands. She still misses her mom, though I think her mom would be weening her by now anyway. Then again, Sam still misses her mom. I guess cat types never quite get truly weened. Then again, men do not either. The two have not started getting along any better than they have been for about a week. I do not think they will until Sassy is a good deal older. Sassy continues to attempt to creep up and just be near Sam. Sam is stuck on boxing the minx, lightly, then leaving. Though she sometimes hunts the kitten, acting all cool and casual, but I can tell what she is doing. Again, I cannot believe how much a kitten eats. No problems, I have enough food to last 2 to 3 months, I think. During the winter, I would like to stock up about 6 months worth of food, and more if I think the expiration dates are good. Just like me, I need to have extra foods on hand for the furballs.

I will be buying some foods and some water storage containers this coming month. I would like to buy 30 to 60 gallons worth of containers. As well, I am looking for collapsible canteens. I think 50 pounds of wheat, beans, and rice would be a good starting point. I do not have the containers for that yet. I will be putting them in the basement, wrapped in plastic, for now. I think the most expensive of the lot will be the rice, since I am buying brown rice. I think those are $30 to $40 per 25 pounds. As I do my shopping, I may pull out that list I tried to fill before and look around town again. Some things are simply difficult to find. I may have to be very creative in filling my short term survival larder. If I get these items purchased, next month I would like to get larger batches of multi-grains (more for short term, I think). I will also consider, in October, finding buckets, bags, dryers, and such. I will probably buy enough for my total planned needs, that is enough gear to stock a one year supply of food for three people.

I will be considering buying a chainsaw and ladder this coming month as well. I am not sure if I can afford them though. The food storage stuff is first. I have considered a used chainsaw, but that is... too problematic. Brand new chainsaws are often highly problematic as is. A used device would be a headache from start to finish. I think I can get a ladder for $200 to $300. Though I would like 2 ladders, that may not be in the cards for a long time. Deciding which ladder, then, becomes the deal. What a pain decision making can be. I know the Mr. will be bringing his chainsaw and his ladder, but that is for one critical area and a means for me to explore the notion of doing the rest on my own. Being how I have, if I end up being able to do it, a great deal of limbs to trim, that I have no idea how long it would end up taking me, and because I do not want to be responsible for someone else's equipment, I would not borrow.

Well, enough for now. A phone call, a little more research, perhaps the final shoveling, and then some dinner. Later or good night.

Addendum:

I did get in touch with the electrician. He suggested he is going to fill out the form, in the positive, and fax that to my insurance company. I will call them tomorrow to check on that. I can only hope that is the final thing needed to ensure I can keep the insurance. If so, that will be a huge relief.

Curious.

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Memory, how to expand it. I have been reading material on this. I have a few books at home and I have looked online a bit. I forget what it all says. What I did get to, however, is that for memory to work well, sleep and being fully awake are required. Ah. But of course, I knew this. The thing is, this advice is everywhere and always and considered vital. Though I am awake for the better part of 14 to 16 hours a day I am still not fully awake even most of that time. Instead of being miserably exhausted when awake now, I am usually merely a bit sleepy. I would say it is much like after a long day and after one has cooled and cycled down. I still have enough mind energy and body energy to do trivial things. I still am not in shape to tackle major things. Or, not very regularly. This is what makes tending business so tedious most of the time. It is why I fear calling, writing, figuring a budget, and such. I can pump myself up for a minor haul through mental land, but usually only for one or two types of tasks at once.

While this is an improvement, it is not enough. I found that in school I could do very well if I pushed very far beyond understanding and into an area where I seemed to know nothing but could function in it anyway. I hated that feeling. I want conscious understanding, to a greater extent, of what I understand mechanically. I am not sure that is possible. As is, learning high level material makes me feel like cats feel when walking on wet ground. We both tread lightly, carefully, toward the quickest rout out, and ickily.

I am not sure how to improve memory or cognition. I am about to begin taking the math and physics materials out and recovering what I can of that material. I would guess, before I get back to class, I am going to be asked to demonstrate I have some grasp of the material. The good thing is, though it will take some work, I think I can bring back a decent bit of it rather quickly. But that is old material. Even though I can become, honestly, crack* at the type of calculus engineers are required to do, that is old material (*within the confines of how it is presented). New material, at the pace required, is always a pain. I cannot consciously learn 3 or 4 subjects quickly enough or well enough that I am not on 'wet' mental ground.

It is not just for school that I wish to develop these skills. To make it past where I am at, it is required for the next level. *ding* "You are now level 46! Only 34 more levels to go." Certainly, a long way to go. Then again, I am no longer level 5, 15, or even 30. I have come a long way. It is at this point, however, where I realize a mate would actually be functionally sound for me. A good woman. If she would work as hard getting me to and through school as she could, leaving me to work on getting through the coursework, I think I could make it. I might do so on my own, but a wife to tend the light home work, cooking, cleaning, and even occasional wake up calls, the possibility would increase greatly. It is something I certainly have to consider. The caveat is that the first year of marriage really messes men up. It, I have heard, is like losing one's right arm and having it regrow, if one were a guitarist, pianist, or otherwise works with the hands. I have to assume that will not happen though. So, how do I get from here to there? How do I push through from somewhat sleepy to more fully awake?

I mailed out the bills needing sent, I deposited several checks to finish the last of bills soon, I took my friend to Ogden for reloading kit and purchased another 1k .22 rounds and some gun cleaning solutions, then on the way home I purchased a corded drill and eight 8 x 2 x 4s. Next week, after payday, I will probably consider buying a circular saw. Well, maybe. I am considering whether I want a circular saw or a bench circular saw, if bench I will need to save up a bit. For my purposes, a bench saw should be every bit as good along with the added function, if price too. I am thinking on that.

I was not able to buy the plywood sheets. For one thing, I was not sure what thickness is needed. Further, I am not sure how to bring that back. The 2 x 4s, with a little work, fit in the cabin. I have rope, cinch straps, a cargo top, and ingenuity, which I used (except for the top) to safely transport the boards. I simply have some doubts about trying to drive with two 8 x 4 x 3/4 (1/2, or 1/4) strapped to my roof. Something up updraft, overhang, and such makes me a little wondrous at the affair. Still, that might have to be the way of it. You know, a wielder, some supplies and personal kit for that, a used axle, some steel beams, plywood, and a towing bar, all mixed, matched, paired, and plied could see me into my own cart. Though I am not sure if the thing would have to be inspected, licensed, wired, or what. You know, you really cannot just go and do today. Not without great risks, in more ways than one.

Ramblings as I close up shop. I think I will have a beer or two, watch some stupid tube, and then hang it up.

Oh, wait... Today I saw something that amazed and horrified me, in a way. No, no, nothing traumatic. On my way home, I stopped through a drive through. Ahead of me was a woman driving a new Ford "truck". It had been lifted, 6 or 8 inches I would guess, and all around. It had a double cab and a 4 foot bed. The back panel windows did not, by the looks of things, open. Further, the truck bed had a cover on it, one of those snap on jobbies. The driver, a woman, gave me a snide look which seemed to have something to do with my choice of vehicles, since it followed a quick review of the Xterra. Which, made me chuckle. First, she is not buying American, there is no such thing anymore. How many of the parts of that truck are foreign in origin? And further on not being American, she is supporting unions who support Democrats only, who are (both) trying to undo America. Secondly, the quality of the truck is impaired, and the price inflated above and beyond that, in the support of unions, Democrats, and foreign parts manufacturing. Next, she had a television in the back seat, and her kid, strapped in, staring at the stupid thing. Start em' stupid, start em' early? Yes, I think so. Get them hooked into the commercial matrix as soon as possible. Finally, her "truck" could not even haul the 8 x 2 x 4s I was hauling, let alone the plywood panels I am considering. What a *close your eyes here, virgin eyed readers* ... What a fucking LARK! And she honestly, sitting in Blue America (I do not care what "msm" has convinced you, conservative is blue... not red... assholes), looking down her nose at my vehicle. What a fucking laugh. Anyway.

It is about time to begin buttoning down. Another cool night in the offing and I will enjoy it greatly. The drive was not bad, or too tiring. However, I had my air on middling rather than cool for more than half of the drive, which added strain where it was not truly needed. Bother, but it happens. At least my fears of a dying ac were unfounded. Good night.

A few thoughts.

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I have been considering a few things. One of my problems is having enough tasks to maintain function. Affordable tasks. Sure, building a house, rewiring the house, redoing the plumbing, updating the kitchen, and a dozen other tasks could keep me busy, and more. The problem is that all of them merely cost money, providing nothing back for the cost. Essentially, they are unsustainable. So, as I consider some tasks around the home and grounds, I must consider what jobs I could do which could end up making some money once I finish with my place. I am looking at tree trimming for this. A chainsaw, a ladder, the climbing gear I have and perhaps some more, a little experimenting, and I might have a money making situation. It can be a heavy set of tasks. It can be dangerous. But it can pay well also. And, if those interested are not in a great hurry, I could do it for less, at least initially.

No, that is not a guaranteed thing. I am not solidly looking that as probable and only slightly possible. However, I am considering what I could do which would begin providing income. Why? Because money talks. If I want to get out of my chair, walk, and work, I need an incentive. Though I could always use more money, the truth is, I do not. However, there are things I would really like. A new computer, a number of additional tools including a top drawer wielder, air tool set with compressor and tank, and more "camping" gear, not to mention a horse or three and all that takes, goats, milking equipment, and even cheese making equipment, chickens, and rabbits, with all those things take... including a hand once in a while so I can use some of that camping gear and ride those horses. Hmm, with a wielder, and some training, and more gear, I could begin building go-carts to trailers and such. There it is, lots of up-front layouts, training, and no guarantee of income.

I am trying to sort out jobs or products which I could find my way to doing or producing, that have at least local value, which require little in equipment and knowledge to start up, and which I could do in my own time within reason, or at least relatively part time. Right now I really do not have a clue. Sure, there is manual labor. That leads nowhere. As well, the economic fruits of that are quite small. Further, those types of jobs require early rises and full days. It is not even that I do not want that, it is more that I simply cannot do that. Though, and in truth, digging ditches, post holes, or shoveling manure... that really is not of interest. And I can afford to choose, to a degree. For my home and land, sure if it is needed, I could, have, and probably will do, lots of work.

There are some things out there that can bring lots of money. Carving, engraving, even jewelry making. Most of those are time consuming, require high startup costs in equipment, knowledge, or both. And none of those are in great demand in this economy. It would be good to think of something involving technology. Almost anything can involve electronics, computers, or such, with enough of an outlay. I simply am not sure where to start.

My skillset? Well, that is mostly computer based. Research, for example. No, the internet is only a good place to collect actual resources, then explore those. I can study and learn, though if it is theory... okay I am burned out regarding learning for no other reason than to say I learned something, something I will never ever use. I am, oddly, good with my hands. I can put things together, take them apart, figure devices and processes out and often improve them given a little time. If I like it, I can become obsessive doing it.

Right now, I am just considering things. I am considering trying to start school in the spring, again. And I will, hopefully this week, look into first aid and first responder training and volunteering. I am continuing to work on the grounds and puzzling a few things in the home. But I really have to pile on to dig out of this hole for sure. I need, if I am to ever truly make it through school, to be full force life involved before I get to it. But it would be nice to earn a few dollars while doing so, and perhaps right on through and after school and a potential future job. A hobby that pays for itself, job on the side, an additional worth to others.

Money is not the fruit, nor are the items it buys. Money is a benchmark of the value of what one does or provides. Those other things are just means of enjoying appreciation, of spreading that valuation around, and of using some of one's capital. Any other view of money could rightly be considered sinful. Of course, as anyone with a billion, or even a million, might tell you... the line blurs at some point. No worry about that at this point, eh? Ha!

Later.

Weird sleep and day.

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My watch was an hour off. I could not sleep really well, looked at my watch, and thought 4:30 was not too early to rise. I tinkered, waiting for the morning to breach the sky and work to begin. And then I waited. And then I waited some more. I then, through a number of devices, realized I had woken at 3:30. No wonder it was taking so long. At 5:30 real time, I crawled back into bed and did not see daylight until noon or 13:00 or a little later. Foolishness!

Still, the sleep I received was excellent. And the awake time was rather pleasant too. Oh it has been deliciously cool. The last I looked, the inside thermometer read 72 F. When it is dry, with a little fan action, this is downright cool. Stepping outside, I see the difference, and enjoy the warmth of the day. It has been a fantastic and needed last few days of cool. I think I might even be hydrated again.

Actually, I woke at 13:15 or so. I woke rather well, actually getting to things by 14:00. I checked a pile of bills. A quarter of them are on automatic pay, one or two are a bit late but not drastically so, and the rest are just fine. I have written out checks, filled out envelopes, and had hoped to make it to town as well. I ran out of time. I have received two checks which need to be cashed, including the $500 reimbursement for rental insurance for my last place in Iowa. All very good. That check makes some other things a bit less... troubling. As well, I have tried to call the number to speak with someone at the V.A. To no effect. There is usually no one available, so much so, they just suggest I call later, every time. This is going to be a huge hassle.

A lot of paperwork has been done, and more needs to be done. If I have to, I will drive to wherever this V.A. center is and speak with someone. I may have to call ahead to make sure someone will see me, indeed. I need my files transferred, I need proof that I am disabled, how much, and what type, to go forward with tax exemption. My auto and perhaps property taxes are due this month, so I need to have the above proof to gain tax exemption. I have to figure out how to apply the tax exemption to escrow account and get that sorted out as soon as possible. Nothing like gunning on the run, under a clock, with my hands tied and no one answering the phones. One snafu smorgasbord after another? Heh! My life would not be complete without that?

The last bits of business are a few phone calls tonight. I need to speak with the electrician and find out if he can sign the inspection for the insurance company. If not, there will probably be problems. If he can, great. I received the fax number he can use to send that to my agency. As well, I will be calling the Mr. and trying to set something up for the first Saturday in September. I know the Mr. and Mrs. have something this coming weekend and I am rather glad they do. As much as I will be doing business wise, plus a little work wise, I think Saturday will be a good day to sit still and murmur. Not bad for a late start and just getting over whatever I just got over. The cat and kit are getting tired of me always being on the run or sick. They need some loving time too. Hmm, reminds me, while I think about supper, I think a kitteh needs chased and befouled! *woof*

Have a good day. Remember, if you cannot laugh at yourself...

Pick someone else.

I was able to dig in.

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I did try to keep it on the light side, as I am still in rough shape. I did a bit of straightening, the litter boxes were tended as usual though, dishes were done, a few things which were soaking will go into the wash tonight, a couple of meals were cooked, and dishes were maintained with the last bits soaking now. I drove into town and did some shopping, picked up my friend, and barbecued for us tonight. There were some other tasks tended. Like I said though, light work.

I am still nursing a headache. I have been trying to drink like a fish. I ate pickles in hopes of adding salt to my system. Sore, with a headache, and still with a light fever which comes and goes. The world, to my great pleasure, cooled down hereabouts. We had a good deal of very cool rain today. I forgot to dance in it, next time, I assure you. Then again, I was not in great shape TO dance in the rain. Still, I promised, and I will... Someone else already danced when she got rain. I am not going to let a girl out rain dance me! Equal is fine, on this point, though. :p

I had meant to clean my guns today. I do not think that will happen. I am about at the end of my rope. Tomorrow... I will just have to see what happens. It will be cool enough to sleep well, though cool enough that waking up might be difficult. Especially after half a week of little sleep. It has been too hot and I have been too ill to sleep well. Still, when I rise, I hope to charge forth and tackle whatever I can tend. I hope to have most or all of my business handled by afternoon. If I get it finished early enough, I will call my friend. He wants to go to Ogden for some reloading supplies. I will take him either tomorrow or Tuesday. On the way back, whichever day it is, I plan to get a number of 2 x 4's for the construction of my reloading table. I have the other pieces, needing only wood. I also need plywood panels and pegboard for the hutch part.

A small handful of Tylenol, maybe some stupid tube to let that soak in, and I think it is bed time. No, trash has to go out first and Sam has to be lead or carried in. Silly cat. Both the mouse monkeys are doing good, really good. Maybe they are not getting along like sisters yet if they are getting... a little closer each day. Fewer batting practices by Sam, who is also getting closer and smelling a bit before she beings boxing. Sassy, she almost does not care. She stays as long as she can, hoping Sam will... relent, forgive, embrace... something. And I am sure it will happen.

That is all for today. A much better if still weak day. Tomorrow is the test. I am hoping for another cool day. Oh yes, one more cool day and I should be right as a rhinoceros. Good night. Prayers for all, on the house!

Okay, now what to do.

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I am feeling a lot better today. There is a potential headache in the background. I will take aspirin today. I am just about awake too. I am not sure what will get done though I know I do not want to just sit. I am soaking dishes and will then pull some meats out of the freezer. After dishes are done, I will probably do some cooking. Though I would like to cook rice and more beans, with heat as it has been, I doubt if I will make more than some grains for "breakfast". I may take a drive into town to get some groceries as much for a few nutritional adds as to get out of the house.

Being Sunday, though I would love to finish the last pile of dirt and do some weed whipping I will not. Not only for my sentiments but because of the sentiments of my neighbors. Sure, I would pull my ass out of a hole, should it fall in on a Sunday, but weed whipping and shoveling can be done tomorrow. I am not quite so stringent that I think cooking or minor home tending is out of the picture. So, some of that will go forward.

It has been a very rough couple of days. Hydrating may or may not have been all of it, though I do suspect dehydration may have been a part of it. I ran out of soda a few days ago, as I was getting ill anyway, and there is the caffeine angle which probably did not help. I also lost my ability and interest in eating. But too, dishes needed doing so as to feel comfortable with more cooking. It is a whole cycle the runs through when things go bad. Still, a few days of a bad downtime is not all that bad.

Something else that will be done today is that I will make plans for Monday. I need to do a lot of business and time is ticking on much of it. I am not sure what I can do, other than call and try, wait and hope, then check back on these things in due time. This type of work is the most irritating. By the way, I did find that, as a vet, I have exemption from about a quarter of million in taxes. Since my home is not worth that much, I can use anything over that against my auto. However, I first have to get my files transferred from Iowa to here, then wait for a form indicating my disability, and then take that to whoever needs it. Nothing is all that fast or easy. However, unless I call, it will never be done. So, Monday will see that call being made.

Time to finish waking up, doing some dishes, cleaning the kitty and cat litter, getting trash ready to go out tonight, handling recycling for next week, perhaps finally changing bedding, and a drive into town... in some order or other. Have a good day.

Addendum:

No, it is not quite over. After doing just a few chores, I am fevered again. It is not hot outside, it just rained. It is 80 F inside and out, rather than 90 or higher outside. It is getting and staying in the 80's indoors regularly now though, so I suspect added heat does not help. I need to eat and drink much more regularly. I cannot be certain though. I have had fevers and such, off and on, for a long time now. It is part of why I suspect I contracted something either overseas or simply have a permanent bad reaction to some of the junk they gave us to prevent us from getting sick. The Navy piled on shots every time we were to go abroad. Still, I will get to what I want to do today. If nothing else, it is less severe than it has been the last few days. I can work through it now.