.
.
This morning, as I was waiting for the right time to get ready for Church, I kept thinking foolish thoughts. Like, 'I have two hours, how about cooking some breakfast?', or, 'I have an hour before Church starts, perhaps I can get on that shower stuff in an half hour?'. No, no, no, no, no! I dodged those bullets. Even so, I barely made it to Church on time. I made it before Mass even started, by a good five to ten minutes! I know there is something about horseshoes and hand grenades, if in this case it would require a holy hand grenade. Never mind.
Something I realized, when I got in my pew, put the knew rest down, and kneeled for my settling in prayer before Mass. Even with a two year hiatus from Church attendance, and despite my fears otherwise, kneeling is no difficulty now at all. In Iowa City I was in such bad shape that, even after missing Church for a month or two, going back in to Mass it would take a month to get used to kneeling again. No back pains, no knee pains, no cramps, nothing. I would sweet bullets when I would kneel in church for nearly that whole month while I was regaining my kneeling skills. Literally, it hurt enough that I would sweet out. I almost passed out a time or two. Further, now, on these medicines and in Utah, I have been going regularly for... five, six... eight? weeks now? I did miss one Sabbath service. Last weekend I think. I had hoped to make it to the one in town and it wasn't operating. I was there, on time, but no one else was there. Still, a very good run for me, and throw in many week day masses to boot.
After Church I did make it in to several stores, filled my gas tank and washed the X. It is an absolutely beautiful day, and dry. I had to take the opportunity afforded me. Who knows how long before the next opportunity and conflux of events would see me to being able to reasonably, safely, wisely, washing her. I picked up a number of foods for small meals. Not too much food, I am going to have to become practiced at small meals again. I also added to my mid and long term larders. Just a bit for now. I need to see where my money is coming and going before I mess with too much more. I will speak with the missionaries and see about getting some assistance with learning to store food, and hands on advice, somewhere after the third of next month. I will draw up a plan this month and be ready. I might even, by then, have more of what I need purchased. There will be room for improvement on my plan, and there are things I just... can't quite do, don't know how to do, don't trust myself to do unsupervised, at least yet. I aim to fix that. And, I will probably be buying bits and pieces throughout the month. I have two thirds of the tp I want, for now. I have 72 rolls in long term, I plan to get another 36 pack. And for typical use, I have 36 rolls for short to medium term. At least with no women folk to attend, 106 rolls, plus my 36 standard rolls, will last me, personally, well over a year. I definitely need to get cans of tuna too. I truly can eat that for a long time. Canned chicken is pretty wretched, but I might lay some of that up anyway. And then maybe assorted canned vegetables and such for medium term use will go in throughout the month, as well as sweeteners. The rest will wait for next payday.
Odd, but I have been freezing in my home lately. So I had the furnace up. When I returned from shopping and Mass though I almost felt like I was cooking when I came indoors. I need to be more active again. Working on that. Yes, today is a rambling day for the blog. I needed it to help keep me up, then get me going.
I am enjoying my new year. You?
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Crawling out of the pit.
.
.
I sure hate it when I fall. Getting back up, often, is a bear. It starts with realizing I have fallen. While it seems that you would know right away, when your mind falls with you, that just isn't the case. And, lately, I have some mild but disturbing ups and downs so I have never quite been sure when I am down and when I am trying to get up. The stages can be confused, because after falling down and realizing it, the next step is to develop a plan to get up. And much of this last couple of falls and attempts at rising I have had a plan in place. I had to realize my plan(s) were ineffective, not strong or smart enough, or simply not sufficient for some other reason(s), scrap them, then figure out a new plan.
My new plan was discussed recently. Medicines, food, God, in that order I thought. Maybe not if I can make it to Mass today. I finally reset my medicine container. I was not able to focus before now to get that done. I had to take some medicines out, cut them, and put them back in at a lower dose. Oh, and I have quit spironolactone due to the risk of gynecomastia. One of my half-brothers had it in his teens, so I may be at risk (to my mind). It can, in other words, cause man-boobs. Anyway, it is all set up and I took my first dose for some time this morning and am drinking my potassium as I speak. Oh, and speaking of potassium, spironolactone is contraindicted when using potassium. It can be a lethal mix. Some doctors I have. There is a newer drug for my needs, eplerenone, but it increases creatine production, and I am way over the line on that as is. Nope, I think I have to stick, pretty much, with my original treatment plan.
Getting to Mass, then the store, would help greatly. I will be buying foods for small, quick, frequent meals. Right now I am not going to be too particular, though over time I am hoping to set up rice and beans on tap again, and begin having whole grain cereals much more frequently. I need to learn how to cook small portions of meats as well. Three to four ounce portions, along with rice, or beans, or other whole grains, and some vegetables and fruits in there as sides or snacks. I need the Eucharist more though. When I miss it, I starve in a way food cannot lend comfort.
I best get a shower, get dressed and groomed, and hit the road.
.
I sure hate it when I fall. Getting back up, often, is a bear. It starts with realizing I have fallen. While it seems that you would know right away, when your mind falls with you, that just isn't the case. And, lately, I have some mild but disturbing ups and downs so I have never quite been sure when I am down and when I am trying to get up. The stages can be confused, because after falling down and realizing it, the next step is to develop a plan to get up. And much of this last couple of falls and attempts at rising I have had a plan in place. I had to realize my plan(s) were ineffective, not strong or smart enough, or simply not sufficient for some other reason(s), scrap them, then figure out a new plan.
My new plan was discussed recently. Medicines, food, God, in that order I thought. Maybe not if I can make it to Mass today. I finally reset my medicine container. I was not able to focus before now to get that done. I had to take some medicines out, cut them, and put them back in at a lower dose. Oh, and I have quit spironolactone due to the risk of gynecomastia. One of my half-brothers had it in his teens, so I may be at risk (to my mind). It can, in other words, cause man-boobs. Anyway, it is all set up and I took my first dose for some time this morning and am drinking my potassium as I speak. Oh, and speaking of potassium, spironolactone is contraindicted when using potassium. It can be a lethal mix. Some doctors I have. There is a newer drug for my needs, eplerenone, but it increases creatine production, and I am way over the line on that as is. Nope, I think I have to stick, pretty much, with my original treatment plan.
Getting to Mass, then the store, would help greatly. I will be buying foods for small, quick, frequent meals. Right now I am not going to be too particular, though over time I am hoping to set up rice and beans on tap again, and begin having whole grain cereals much more frequently. I need to learn how to cook small portions of meats as well. Three to four ounce portions, along with rice, or beans, or other whole grains, and some vegetables and fruits in there as sides or snacks. I need the Eucharist more though. When I miss it, I starve in a way food cannot lend comfort.
I best get a shower, get dressed and groomed, and hit the road.
Oh, someone supports my notions?
.
.
And it sounds like he is an LEO (law enforcement officer). My notion? To never surrender. There may be times where there honestly isn't a choice. Truly. Or it may seem that way. You might be surprised though. Many people think that having more people or guns at the ready makes them the authority and authorities don't expect hard, fast, furious, feedback. In any case I thought to share this. I think more people, including women, need to understand the rules.
“"Never give in, never give in, never; never; never; never - in nothing, great or small, large or petty - never give in except to convictions of honor and good sense"……..Winston Churchill, Oct 29, 1941
I do not know the author of the following article but he has a point. Surrender is not an option and this article make a good case for that position.
The Phases of Surrender
The first phase of surrender is failing to be armed, trained and committed to fight. We are prepared to surrender when we are unprepared to resist.
The second phase of surrender is failing to be alert. You must see trouble coming in order to have time to respond. The warning may be less than one second but it will be there and it must be recognized and acted upon immediately.
The Third phase of surrender is giving up your weapons.
The last phase of surrender is up to the monsters who have taken control of your life and perhaps the lives of your loved ones. The last phase of surrender is out of your hands.
Click on any of that to read the whole thing. Some of it, such as war time events, may not be interesting to you, or needed. But much of the rest of it might well serve your needs. The blog in which it is contained may also have other bits of interest. Who knows, knowing how to make your own soap, use cooking oils, small ramekins, and a bit of string might allow you to have relatively safe and easy lighting when the electricity goes out. There is much more there, and some things that are well beyond the ken of any I know, and certainly beyond any one man no matter how rich in any case. Still, it is a useful place, even if just for thought.
.
And it sounds like he is an LEO (law enforcement officer). My notion? To never surrender. There may be times where there honestly isn't a choice. Truly. Or it may seem that way. You might be surprised though. Many people think that having more people or guns at the ready makes them the authority and authorities don't expect hard, fast, furious, feedback. In any case I thought to share this. I think more people, including women, need to understand the rules.
“"Never give in, never give in, never; never; never; never - in nothing, great or small, large or petty - never give in except to convictions of honor and good sense"……..Winston Churchill, Oct 29, 1941
I do not know the author of the following article but he has a point. Surrender is not an option and this article make a good case for that position.
The Phases of Surrender
The first phase of surrender is failing to be armed, trained and committed to fight. We are prepared to surrender when we are unprepared to resist.
The second phase of surrender is failing to be alert. You must see trouble coming in order to have time to respond. The warning may be less than one second but it will be there and it must be recognized and acted upon immediately.
The Third phase of surrender is giving up your weapons.
The last phase of surrender is up to the monsters who have taken control of your life and perhaps the lives of your loved ones. The last phase of surrender is out of your hands.
Click on any of that to read the whole thing. Some of it, such as war time events, may not be interesting to you, or needed. But much of the rest of it might well serve your needs. The blog in which it is contained may also have other bits of interest. Who knows, knowing how to make your own soap, use cooking oils, small ramekins, and a bit of string might allow you to have relatively safe and easy lighting when the electricity goes out. There is much more there, and some things that are well beyond the ken of any I know, and certainly beyond any one man no matter how rich in any case. Still, it is a useful place, even if just for thought.
Do you ever feel like a fool?
.
.
Don' even look at me like that, Lucy.
Of course I'm a fool. Not a stupid fool, not a clown fool, not even usually an ignorant fool. I don't even mean socially, though I will take that notion when or if it fits, if you can prove it to my satisfaction. Not being a social climber or embedded into a closed society such as academia, I don't adhere to the notions there so I will be considered foolish since I refuse to wear the 'king with no clothes' ideological vestments that are often seen on display in such circles. No, I just mean that no matter how hard I try, I do fail in logic. Simply, even if the notion of, say, a particularly well worked conspiracy theory is, and even if it is backed with good information and solid logic, and lets say further that the theory is on the right track, without inside information I might well be barking up the tree planted to divert me from the true raison d'être of the group I am espying and theorizing concerning. But it doesn't just have to be conspiracy theories.
Further, my mind takes all known data points and comes to quick conclusions. At least I realize these hasty logic sketches are just that. I don't take them for absolute fact, just a temporary rationalization for my own purposes. Much like an artist who does a sketch merely to rough in an outline for a later painting. We both know the outline is incomplete and incorrect in ways, but is enough to work with. Further, we both know even our finished products will not be perfect. Still, in an absolute world, a world some of my aspect attempts to find, create, associate within, I realize the foolishness of it all, and myself.
A little man who can't even always get out of bed who wishes to live in the ideal? Well, yes. Hush. I suppose I still have enough of Adam's DNA to 'remember' Eden? Though too, I see something interesting. You do realize that, in Adam's time and before the fall, there was dirt, right? Which means fruits would get spotted, there probably were worms in some fruit, vegetables would get old, etc. And yet men once lived in a time where what was... was perfect. They made what we might consider flawed perfect in who they were and how they were. I sometimes see that, even today, in our very imperfect world and our striving for perfection in so many ways. Ask yourself this, what would Adam, before sin, do with a dirty car, house? Or Eve, take your pick. How would they vote? Would there be a need for a vote? Never mind that last question, just think about the others.
Fool? Yes. At times.
Hmm, it is just passing 5:00. I am doing well, so far. I am hoping to stay up for a Sunday Mass! Woot! No guarantees. It's five hours off, I need a shower, I have to stay awake till then, it will be spooky close. How many people are excited to get to go to Church, right through suffering to get there? At least I don't consider that part of my foolish aspect. Anyway, if I make it to Mass, I hope to get to the store. I need a few things and they might have just what I need.
I need to begin eating right again. Small meals, several times a day. I am trying to drink water more than anything else, and so far so good there, surprisingly to me. I will begin taking medicines again this morning (I hope they don't shut me down, though they may until I get used to them again). Like a cat clinging to a branch way above the ground, having just figured out precisely where she is, I am holding on. Unlike the cat, I see a way down... if... I... can... just... pull... my... claws... out! *grins* Well, and pull my courage and will to act forward into the locked and loaded condition. *meow*
Good day.
.
Don' even look at me like that, Lucy.
Of course I'm a fool. Not a stupid fool, not a clown fool, not even usually an ignorant fool. I don't even mean socially, though I will take that notion when or if it fits, if you can prove it to my satisfaction. Not being a social climber or embedded into a closed society such as academia, I don't adhere to the notions there so I will be considered foolish since I refuse to wear the 'king with no clothes' ideological vestments that are often seen on display in such circles. No, I just mean that no matter how hard I try, I do fail in logic. Simply, even if the notion of, say, a particularly well worked conspiracy theory is, and even if it is backed with good information and solid logic, and lets say further that the theory is on the right track, without inside information I might well be barking up the tree planted to divert me from the true raison d'être of the group I am espying and theorizing concerning. But it doesn't just have to be conspiracy theories.
Further, my mind takes all known data points and comes to quick conclusions. At least I realize these hasty logic sketches are just that. I don't take them for absolute fact, just a temporary rationalization for my own purposes. Much like an artist who does a sketch merely to rough in an outline for a later painting. We both know the outline is incomplete and incorrect in ways, but is enough to work with. Further, we both know even our finished products will not be perfect. Still, in an absolute world, a world some of my aspect attempts to find, create, associate within, I realize the foolishness of it all, and myself.
A little man who can't even always get out of bed who wishes to live in the ideal? Well, yes. Hush. I suppose I still have enough of Adam's DNA to 'remember' Eden? Though too, I see something interesting. You do realize that, in Adam's time and before the fall, there was dirt, right? Which means fruits would get spotted, there probably were worms in some fruit, vegetables would get old, etc. And yet men once lived in a time where what was... was perfect. They made what we might consider flawed perfect in who they were and how they were. I sometimes see that, even today, in our very imperfect world and our striving for perfection in so many ways. Ask yourself this, what would Adam, before sin, do with a dirty car, house? Or Eve, take your pick. How would they vote? Would there be a need for a vote? Never mind that last question, just think about the others.
Fool? Yes. At times.
Hmm, it is just passing 5:00. I am doing well, so far. I am hoping to stay up for a Sunday Mass! Woot! No guarantees. It's five hours off, I need a shower, I have to stay awake till then, it will be spooky close. How many people are excited to get to go to Church, right through suffering to get there? At least I don't consider that part of my foolish aspect. Anyway, if I make it to Mass, I hope to get to the store. I need a few things and they might have just what I need.
I need to begin eating right again. Small meals, several times a day. I am trying to drink water more than anything else, and so far so good there, surprisingly to me. I will begin taking medicines again this morning (I hope they don't shut me down, though they may until I get used to them again). Like a cat clinging to a branch way above the ground, having just figured out precisely where she is, I am holding on. Unlike the cat, I see a way down... if... I... can... just... pull... my... claws... out! *grins* Well, and pull my courage and will to act forward into the locked and loaded condition. *meow*
Good day.
Do you have things on your list...
.
.
That you have been a bit afraid to do? Well, being that it's about to be a new year, and that I plan to go less dressed in public soon, I decided to do one of those things on my list. My toenails are ugly and problematic. I have talked to the V.A., and sometimes I have to go in for removal of 'foot barnacles'. I understand, the V.A. really isn't organized around spa type care, it is for serious problems. My barnacles can be serious as they can interfere with living, making walking painful. Still, I have been thinking to use my Dremel on some of my foot problems.
As I said, I was afraid. Oh, sure, I can seem fearless at times. And when looking death in the face, and for the right reasons, I truly can become fearless in order to do my task. But facing off against a papercut, or similar, is whole other ball of wax! No, my friend, some things can do nothing but cause terror to my mind. I feared the Dremel would rip off skin, heat my nails but without giving off a sign until I had a foot afire, or some other devious horror inducing thing. I have been looking online. Occasionally the Dremel would be indicated as a tool for the foot and nails, but little information followed. I looked online, at Amazon, for Dremel pedicure kits. There was some stuff, but nothing that seemed any better than what I have.
So, tonight, I found my Dremel and the parts kit, figured out how to use it again, set it up, sent the cats flying for fear of *buzzzzz* and settled to my task. Not bad. My big toes are so thick they are difficult to trim neatly. I thought I would start with those, to get my bearings and... explore the device in this application. Okay, it evened those right up, taking off the burrs and bumps and sharp edges. I used it to even the rest of the big toe nails, as I get a crease down their centers. All good. No hot foot, none of my other fears came to pass. So, I went to the nail that is like a hunchback. Fungus must be down underneath. I ground it right down. I did cause a pinprick of blood, but it didn't hurt. I figured I had as much off as I can get off for now. Then, just out of curiosity, I began working the 'barnacles'. Wow, that worked quite well also. Though this time I was a little more careful to avoid bleeding. On the side of my toe and the bottom of my foot, I took off between a quarter and an eight of an inch of 'stuff'. While my feet still aren't beauties, they are at least neatened and trimmed. With my big toe nails no longer wicked weapons I have less fear of ripping my legs up at night. I also passed the fear test. And more? I have one less thing on my list. It has been on my list for years. Yeah, I can be slow. Especially when a nearly superstitious fear exists on the topic. Yeah!
I may now try to figure out how to work out the material that seems to be connecting my big toes to the toenail, right up to the edges. I need to scrape that out, with powered tool or not, and begin dealing with the fungus, if that is what it is. That stuff is why I have creases in my nails. It used to be much worse. The arid nature of Utah has fixed it, to this point, but can do no more. The rest is mine to do or not to do. I also noticed my feet are drying and cracking. That is the first time I have noticed that in years. I will begin working on that. I think putting some doctor given stuff on my feet after each swim, then after showering off the bleach, might just fix that and quickly. I know, silly, but if it inspires someone to take fear in hand and move forward on their own little ditty, or offers advice on toenails to someone who could use it, that is what this post is dedicated to.
So, I happily recommend doing one of your fear inducing projects, one that has been languishing in the shadows of your mind for some time. Just do it.
Oh, and Happy New Years!
.
That you have been a bit afraid to do? Well, being that it's about to be a new year, and that I plan to go less dressed in public soon, I decided to do one of those things on my list. My toenails are ugly and problematic. I have talked to the V.A., and sometimes I have to go in for removal of 'foot barnacles'. I understand, the V.A. really isn't organized around spa type care, it is for serious problems. My barnacles can be serious as they can interfere with living, making walking painful. Still, I have been thinking to use my Dremel on some of my foot problems.
As I said, I was afraid. Oh, sure, I can seem fearless at times. And when looking death in the face, and for the right reasons, I truly can become fearless in order to do my task. But facing off against a papercut, or similar, is whole other ball of wax! No, my friend, some things can do nothing but cause terror to my mind. I feared the Dremel would rip off skin, heat my nails but without giving off a sign until I had a foot afire, or some other devious horror inducing thing. I have been looking online. Occasionally the Dremel would be indicated as a tool for the foot and nails, but little information followed. I looked online, at Amazon, for Dremel pedicure kits. There was some stuff, but nothing that seemed any better than what I have.
So, tonight, I found my Dremel and the parts kit, figured out how to use it again, set it up, sent the cats flying for fear of *buzzzzz* and settled to my task. Not bad. My big toes are so thick they are difficult to trim neatly. I thought I would start with those, to get my bearings and... explore the device in this application. Okay, it evened those right up, taking off the burrs and bumps and sharp edges. I used it to even the rest of the big toe nails, as I get a crease down their centers. All good. No hot foot, none of my other fears came to pass. So, I went to the nail that is like a hunchback. Fungus must be down underneath. I ground it right down. I did cause a pinprick of blood, but it didn't hurt. I figured I had as much off as I can get off for now. Then, just out of curiosity, I began working the 'barnacles'. Wow, that worked quite well also. Though this time I was a little more careful to avoid bleeding. On the side of my toe and the bottom of my foot, I took off between a quarter and an eight of an inch of 'stuff'. While my feet still aren't beauties, they are at least neatened and trimmed. With my big toe nails no longer wicked weapons I have less fear of ripping my legs up at night. I also passed the fear test. And more? I have one less thing on my list. It has been on my list for years. Yeah, I can be slow. Especially when a nearly superstitious fear exists on the topic. Yeah!
I may now try to figure out how to work out the material that seems to be connecting my big toes to the toenail, right up to the edges. I need to scrape that out, with powered tool or not, and begin dealing with the fungus, if that is what it is. That stuff is why I have creases in my nails. It used to be much worse. The arid nature of Utah has fixed it, to this point, but can do no more. The rest is mine to do or not to do. I also noticed my feet are drying and cracking. That is the first time I have noticed that in years. I will begin working on that. I think putting some doctor given stuff on my feet after each swim, then after showering off the bleach, might just fix that and quickly. I know, silly, but if it inspires someone to take fear in hand and move forward on their own little ditty, or offers advice on toenails to someone who could use it, that is what this post is dedicated to.
So, I happily recommend doing one of your fear inducing projects, one that has been languishing in the shadows of your mind for some time. Just do it.
Oh, and Happy New Years!
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Up early?
.
.
I tried to catch up on some sleep. It was early dark, I thought. I looked at my watch. I couldn't quite get my brain to work but it looked 'early but not too early'. So, out of bed. I went about my morning, feeding the cats, planning to gather trash and put it out, and thinking about Church. All was good. I was still a bit groggy, so I began my wake-up routine. Blogging... reading and writing, and news. I checked my email on the Bionic. Hmm, what was the day and time? ArghGhgHgh! It was around 18:00 and change, Saturday. I thought I was 6:00 and change Sunday. Never mind.
I do need to reset my medset. All other priorities are behind that. I have fallen off my medicines and it shows. Further, I need to get those diabetes medicines. I will take them for a while, until I can get my sh*t in one sock again, and begin getting back on the bus. Even the back of the bus is better than sitting in the mud and rain. Once I get back on meds I need to begin planning meals, getting back into Mass regularly, and exercising. It isn't a matter of priority so much how things have to work. Much like you can't drink a soda, then open it.
In a response to a comment recently, I noted that I had aggravated a female professor greatly, and that the response was weird. She became intellectually angry and yet socially frisky. Yep, Game. I am a natural gamer. I don't pander, more so in the last few decades than ever before. I also saw this article. I concur completely. I think it plays into a woman's need for drama, emotional highs and lows which sooth or allow her to focus. I just seem to do well, if I don't know how (or always want to) handle it. Young women scare me, when their eyes go all dilated, their skin tone flushes, and their voice changes, I know... And I was just saying something social. Never mind. Just... thinking this "morning".
I keep hoping to hear something from Amazon about the game system. I have some of the accessories I ordered, in spite of them saying my billing procedure wasn't working on the order. That can't be. The whole order was on one debit card. My other debit card doesn't have enough on it to pay for what I have received. I think, simply, that they ran out of some of the things I ordered and had no way to cover for it. Either that or their system is messed up from Christmas overload? ArghGhgHgh!
I like saying argh, by the way. I even enjoy frustration a bit. If you can back out of the frustration, it is often a great funny. Perhaps not when you get a foot caught in a grinder and lose a toe or something. But if you live long enough, I guarantee even the most horrific memories (can, or for me have) become funny. If nothing else, you lived when you really shouldn't have. For me that has been about three quarters of my many adventures. What a gas. If people weren't so sensitive to horror, I would list them. Over a month I might be able to gather most of the things, too. While I don't remember much, these I remember for the most part. They are all I have.
I hope to do just a bit, medicine set, dishes, then go back to bed. I hope to make Mass tomorrow, if I have some doubts. My sleeping habits have gone feral, I have no control and no flexibility to fix or override them, for now. Medicines should help, more so the lower dose on the main troublemaker. It is all good. Make a plan, do what of it you can, then go, go, go. Shhhh, just do!
.
I tried to catch up on some sleep. It was early dark, I thought. I looked at my watch. I couldn't quite get my brain to work but it looked 'early but not too early'. So, out of bed. I went about my morning, feeding the cats, planning to gather trash and put it out, and thinking about Church. All was good. I was still a bit groggy, so I began my wake-up routine. Blogging... reading and writing, and news. I checked my email on the Bionic. Hmm, what was the day and time? ArghGhgHgh! It was around 18:00 and change, Saturday. I thought I was 6:00 and change Sunday. Never mind.
I do need to reset my medset. All other priorities are behind that. I have fallen off my medicines and it shows. Further, I need to get those diabetes medicines. I will take them for a while, until I can get my sh*t in one sock again, and begin getting back on the bus. Even the back of the bus is better than sitting in the mud and rain. Once I get back on meds I need to begin planning meals, getting back into Mass regularly, and exercising. It isn't a matter of priority so much how things have to work. Much like you can't drink a soda, then open it.
In a response to a comment recently, I noted that I had aggravated a female professor greatly, and that the response was weird. She became intellectually angry and yet socially frisky. Yep, Game. I am a natural gamer. I don't pander, more so in the last few decades than ever before. I also saw this article. I concur completely. I think it plays into a woman's need for drama, emotional highs and lows which sooth or allow her to focus. I just seem to do well, if I don't know how (or always want to) handle it. Young women scare me, when their eyes go all dilated, their skin tone flushes, and their voice changes, I know... And I was just saying something social. Never mind. Just... thinking this "morning".
I keep hoping to hear something from Amazon about the game system. I have some of the accessories I ordered, in spite of them saying my billing procedure wasn't working on the order. That can't be. The whole order was on one debit card. My other debit card doesn't have enough on it to pay for what I have received. I think, simply, that they ran out of some of the things I ordered and had no way to cover for it. Either that or their system is messed up from Christmas overload? ArghGhgHgh!
I like saying argh, by the way. I even enjoy frustration a bit. If you can back out of the frustration, it is often a great funny. Perhaps not when you get a foot caught in a grinder and lose a toe or something. But if you live long enough, I guarantee even the most horrific memories (can, or for me have) become funny. If nothing else, you lived when you really shouldn't have. For me that has been about three quarters of my many adventures. What a gas. If people weren't so sensitive to horror, I would list them. Over a month I might be able to gather most of the things, too. While I don't remember much, these I remember for the most part. They are all I have.
I hope to do just a bit, medicine set, dishes, then go back to bed. I hope to make Mass tomorrow, if I have some doubts. My sleeping habits have gone feral, I have no control and no flexibility to fix or override them, for now. Medicines should help, more so the lower dose on the main troublemaker. It is all good. Make a plan, do what of it you can, then go, go, go. Shhhh, just do!
Friday, December 30, 2011
Dinner and a bit of shopping.
.
.
Dinner was a gift from my friend. Both of us enjoy food with no cooking, dishes, and some company from time to time. He decided to go with clamps for his engine turning kit. I'm not sure that will work. Perhaps if a slow pace it taken, perhaps. He seems to be a bit ill. Me too. My diabetes is back, full throttle. I am not sure why he is ill, I just know it though.
Reading one of my blog roll blogs, I chanced upon test results. I decided to take that again. It seems I am still ENTJ. It advised conferring with a "feeling type" when dealing with huma... people. On personal matters. And I do. Among them my mother. She knows these things. It makes sense, and yes, I understand why I have always felt somewhat lonely. Most people don't want you to tell them the truth, they want only to hear what they want to hear. Both people and organizations want you to be on their side, if you are affiliated with them, regardless if they should or shouldn't be supported. Some even take extremely stupid stances in order to see who is a yes-man and who, those like me, tell them in simple terms to "blow". I have no difficulty spouting off or taking a walk from bad practices by people, groups, or organizations.
It seems this makes most people think I am a: know-it-all, blowhard, set-in-my ways guy; that I am aloof and insensitive; and that I am judgmental. While those things really can be seen as true, they couldn't be further from the truth. I do have high standards, and I expect others to tow the line, if not mine then at least theirs, period. I do look at many things, and state things simply and sometimes simply forcefully. Often that is merely a request for support or denial, then an explanation of why what I said is supported or not. Not important, just interesting. While not perfectly, it does allow me some understanding of those who have Aspergers, if to a much lesser degree I think. I do feel, much more, I just don't use it as relational tool, mostly. Emotions are mostly... a non-essential tool used to understand one's decisions or thoughts in the aftermath of events which don't necessarily allow for feeling during the events. Or some such. Though I wouldn't be rid of them I don't give them much weight.
Odd, I just thought, so many people use drugs to feel or experience life then end up feeling nothing. Some of us need very little to dull the pains and such. Emotional fish? :p
I have done something with some of the money I received. I ordered a Playstation 3. Yes, yes, I know. But a computer to play the games I want to play, top notch, cost somewhere between $3k and... well, I have seen $15k machines. They last about three to five years, if you upgrade things from time to time. Then they become paperweights. I still need a computer, a new one, but may have a nearly free one on the way. Never mind the details. It would be fine for emails, blogging, and such... until it becomes a paperweight too. I also ordered some games and extra bits as well. Yeah, I know. But I do need something to engage me, keep me awake, and possibly get me going a bit more.
.
Dinner was a gift from my friend. Both of us enjoy food with no cooking, dishes, and some company from time to time. He decided to go with clamps for his engine turning kit. I'm not sure that will work. Perhaps if a slow pace it taken, perhaps. He seems to be a bit ill. Me too. My diabetes is back, full throttle. I am not sure why he is ill, I just know it though.
Reading one of my blog roll blogs, I chanced upon test results. I decided to take that again. It seems I am still ENTJ. It advised conferring with a "feeling type" when dealing with huma... people. On personal matters. And I do. Among them my mother. She knows these things. It makes sense, and yes, I understand why I have always felt somewhat lonely. Most people don't want you to tell them the truth, they want only to hear what they want to hear. Both people and organizations want you to be on their side, if you are affiliated with them, regardless if they should or shouldn't be supported. Some even take extremely stupid stances in order to see who is a yes-man and who, those like me, tell them in simple terms to "blow". I have no difficulty spouting off or taking a walk from bad practices by people, groups, or organizations.
It seems this makes most people think I am a: know-it-all, blowhard, set-in-my ways guy; that I am aloof and insensitive; and that I am judgmental. While those things really can be seen as true, they couldn't be further from the truth. I do have high standards, and I expect others to tow the line, if not mine then at least theirs, period. I do look at many things, and state things simply and sometimes simply forcefully. Often that is merely a request for support or denial, then an explanation of why what I said is supported or not. Not important, just interesting. While not perfectly, it does allow me some understanding of those who have Aspergers, if to a much lesser degree I think. I do feel, much more, I just don't use it as relational tool, mostly. Emotions are mostly... a non-essential tool used to understand one's decisions or thoughts in the aftermath of events which don't necessarily allow for feeling during the events. Or some such. Though I wouldn't be rid of them I don't give them much weight.
Odd, I just thought, so many people use drugs to feel or experience life then end up feeling nothing. Some of us need very little to dull the pains and such. Emotional fish? :p
I have done something with some of the money I received. I ordered a Playstation 3. Yes, yes, I know. But a computer to play the games I want to play, top notch, cost somewhere between $3k and... well, I have seen $15k machines. They last about three to five years, if you upgrade things from time to time. Then they become paperweights. I still need a computer, a new one, but may have a nearly free one on the way. Never mind the details. It would be fine for emails, blogging, and such... until it becomes a paperweight too. I also ordered some games and extra bits as well. Yeah, I know. But I do need something to engage me, keep me awake, and possibly get me going a bit more.
Up, but late again.
.
.
Oops. I thought it was Saturday! I wondered why I received a call from the V.A. Nothing makes sense until, finally, it does make sense. Does it? Here, some stories I thought interesting. And maybe some quips, wit, thoughts, or such. I'll try to be brief.
Why do I not trust academia? Because I faced hatred from professors (I disavow everything evil they seem to believe in) and cheating on a scale that made my efforts at competition seem quaint. Why work hard when you can make it without work? Because I went there to learn, I suppose. Proof? Here is some proof, from the beginning.
Oh, my, it seems France is cracking down. Then again, you wouldn't want to accidentally become French, would you?
And finally, I found this story to be a delight. It looks like Hungary, for the most part, is taking control and becoming quite libertarian. In so doing, they are scaring the bejesus out of Europe. What if their reforms work! I think the title is wrong, they are widening a rift with socialism, cronyism, and bureaucracy more than differing from the "West". (I don't know what happened, but the story seems to be disappearing?)
Hmm, I have some things to do. Shoo! Later.
.
Oops. I thought it was Saturday! I wondered why I received a call from the V.A. Nothing makes sense until, finally, it does make sense. Does it? Here, some stories I thought interesting. And maybe some quips, wit, thoughts, or such. I'll try to be brief.
Why do I not trust academia? Because I faced hatred from professors (I disavow everything evil they seem to believe in) and cheating on a scale that made my efforts at competition seem quaint. Why work hard when you can make it without work? Because I went there to learn, I suppose. Proof? Here is some proof, from the beginning.
Oh, my, it seems France is cracking down. Then again, you wouldn't want to accidentally become French, would you?
And finally, I found this story to be a delight. It looks like Hungary, for the most part, is taking control and becoming quite libertarian. In so doing, they are scaring the bejesus out of Europe. What if their reforms work! I think the title is wrong, they are widening a rift with socialism, cronyism, and bureaucracy more than differing from the "West". (I don't know what happened, but the story seems to be disappearing?)
Hmm, I have some things to do. Shoo! Later.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Still awake.
.
.
I may sleep very well tonight, or not at all again. Never mind all that, I found some interesting links.
Do any of you cook with alcohol? Did you think all or a very high percentage of it cooked out? Not so much. Then again, if your take on the consumption of alcohol is that moderation is the key, perhaps like me you don't mind all that much?
I see I am not the only cranky critter. Sometimes you just have to have some peace and quiet... and a new toy. Plus the look on people's faces can be half the fun!
Who cares about what experts think of the snowfall. Ski resorts are sweating bullets, us peons are quite pleased. WE WIN! For now anyway. While I honestly love snow I am not in any condition do deal with it. So, I'm good with the bad for now.
With two womenfolk, of the feline variety, overrunning my home... And as cute as puppies are. And how they could change the dynamics. I think I need puppies!
On some things, one could almost dream. Unfortunately, I think it is just delusions of... well, just delusions. What he really needs isn't cancer. It's a frontal lobotomy. It would calm his nerves as well. Then again, I almost wonder if he hasn't already had brain surgery of some kind or other. Perhaps he had his soul removed.
Just follow these suggestions for added internet security. I don't often curse, not really my style. And I dislike abbreviations, more so when they invoke certain words. But after reading that, as a somewhat seasoned user... WTF? Just sayin'.
Good night, I hope.
.
I may sleep very well tonight, or not at all again. Never mind all that, I found some interesting links.
Do any of you cook with alcohol? Did you think all or a very high percentage of it cooked out? Not so much. Then again, if your take on the consumption of alcohol is that moderation is the key, perhaps like me you don't mind all that much?
I see I am not the only cranky critter. Sometimes you just have to have some peace and quiet... and a new toy. Plus the look on people's faces can be half the fun!
Who cares about what experts think of the snowfall. Ski resorts are sweating bullets, us peons are quite pleased. WE WIN! For now anyway. While I honestly love snow I am not in any condition do deal with it. So, I'm good with the bad for now.
With two womenfolk, of the feline variety, overrunning my home... And as cute as puppies are. And how they could change the dynamics. I think I need puppies!
On some things, one could almost dream. Unfortunately, I think it is just delusions of... well, just delusions. What he really needs isn't cancer. It's a frontal lobotomy. It would calm his nerves as well. Then again, I almost wonder if he hasn't already had brain surgery of some kind or other. Perhaps he had his soul removed.
Just follow these suggestions for added internet security. I don't often curse, not really my style. And I dislike abbreviations, more so when they invoke certain words. But after reading that, as a somewhat seasoned user... WTF? Just sayin'.
Good night, I hope.
What a wretched horrible wonderful day.
.
.
Huh?
You read me right. I did make it to my appointment. I did not sleep more than a few hours last night. When speaking with my mother yesterday I asked that, if she was awake early this morning, she call me to try and help me wake up. I set all three of my alarm clocks too. It took every ounce of everything I had to be up in time and then I was only 15 minutes early. I had to focus like a hawk and still missed the turnoff, but saw that I missed it this time and circled back. It almost looks like the area around the turnoff to the clinic has changed, as it just isn't recognizable. Either that or it has simply been too long of a time since I went there.
I had one of my best days there at the clinic. Not that my health is looking up. Blood pressure was 140's/80's, give or take. But diabetes might be back on the rise (which means I really need to kick my new/old diet back into high gear). The nurse and the doctor both seemed reasonable. No yelling, no drama, no weirdness. I only holler when I am being yelled at while being ordered to do things I can't do. Oh, even fully dressed, my weight was 284 (so that is coming down). I may have to try to drink water almost exclusively, with only a glass of milk a day (32 ounces though) and one sports drink a day (which is the only thing with which I can choke down the powder potassium, the pill form is impossible every way I have tried it). It was the attitude and friendliness that... took me back. It was like going in to see one's old time family doc, at his office.
After the doctor I went to the DWR Regional Office. I can't get a lifetime fishing license it seems. You have to be blind, in a wheel chair, missing a limb, or otherwise unable to fish to get it! They had a veterans special, $21 a year, the usual is $26. I wouldn't be buying one now in any case. He seemed rather surly about it all, the guy behind the desk. Why do people have to be so snotty about it? I was simply asking.
Next I went to the National Park there in Ogden. They were able to offer me the card that allows me to go into National Parks and some other places free of charge. It was quick and painless. I don't know, but I didn't feel welcome there either. I suppose, with all my arms and legs, people wonder why I should be getting disability? That is the place with the nice restaurant. I stopped in there and had a truly fine meal. There is not a thing they serve that doesn't taste like it was very carefully put together, cooked very well, and well taste tested before being served. Even their tea, unsweetened as that is the way for now on again, was a splendid delight. It cost no more than an Arbeys' meal, either. I had hoped to stop at the hospital in Logan to deal with the collection action by them against me but there was nothing left with which to do that. I was simply done after what I did, and the circumstances.
So, what is the "wretched", the "horrible"? Several times through the day, when I had to stand for a bit, I nearly passed out. Getting up and going was as difficult as one could imagine. My eyes are burning, my body hurts, I am tired beyond reason, but worse... at times I am grumpy. Oh, sure, you read here so you know me! Truth is, I try my darnedest to be kind in real interactions, even gentle. Doctors can get under my skin, same with some other professional types (though I count that as business and business can be rough), but only when they try to tell me what I know to be true is false or some such. Don't blow smoke up my ass because you have a degree. If you were taught something and I am experiencing something different, do not be quarrelsome. You lose any respect I might have had and the immaturity you show will only garner my disdain, regardless of how many degrees or years in college or your profession you have. And I WILL voice it. But to the working men and women of the world? I have only the deepest respect. Save on the road where... I can be a bit... tight, terse, impatient (praying and working on that though). Anyway, I have been somewhat unkind these last few days and that bothers me more than all the rest. Now you really do know more.
I have some visitors coming shortly. And I am going to try to last as long into the day, evening, as I can before sleeping. The drive was gorgeous though. The weather is rather warm, into the 40's I think. Clouds and sun are taking turns at dominance, and as the clouds spill over the mountains and the sun variously back-lighting this group or shining on this part or that of the mountains, the views have been a weather watcher and nature lover's dream.
Have a great day.
.
Huh?
You read me right. I did make it to my appointment. I did not sleep more than a few hours last night. When speaking with my mother yesterday I asked that, if she was awake early this morning, she call me to try and help me wake up. I set all three of my alarm clocks too. It took every ounce of everything I had to be up in time and then I was only 15 minutes early. I had to focus like a hawk and still missed the turnoff, but saw that I missed it this time and circled back. It almost looks like the area around the turnoff to the clinic has changed, as it just isn't recognizable. Either that or it has simply been too long of a time since I went there.
I had one of my best days there at the clinic. Not that my health is looking up. Blood pressure was 140's/80's, give or take. But diabetes might be back on the rise (which means I really need to kick my new/old diet back into high gear). The nurse and the doctor both seemed reasonable. No yelling, no drama, no weirdness. I only holler when I am being yelled at while being ordered to do things I can't do. Oh, even fully dressed, my weight was 284 (so that is coming down). I may have to try to drink water almost exclusively, with only a glass of milk a day (32 ounces though) and one sports drink a day (which is the only thing with which I can choke down the powder potassium, the pill form is impossible every way I have tried it). It was the attitude and friendliness that... took me back. It was like going in to see one's old time family doc, at his office.
After the doctor I went to the DWR Regional Office. I can't get a lifetime fishing license it seems. You have to be blind, in a wheel chair, missing a limb, or otherwise unable to fish to get it! They had a veterans special, $21 a year, the usual is $26. I wouldn't be buying one now in any case. He seemed rather surly about it all, the guy behind the desk. Why do people have to be so snotty about it? I was simply asking.
Next I went to the National Park there in Ogden. They were able to offer me the card that allows me to go into National Parks and some other places free of charge. It was quick and painless. I don't know, but I didn't feel welcome there either. I suppose, with all my arms and legs, people wonder why I should be getting disability? That is the place with the nice restaurant. I stopped in there and had a truly fine meal. There is not a thing they serve that doesn't taste like it was very carefully put together, cooked very well, and well taste tested before being served. Even their tea, unsweetened as that is the way for now on again, was a splendid delight. It cost no more than an Arbeys' meal, either. I had hoped to stop at the hospital in Logan to deal with the collection action by them against me but there was nothing left with which to do that. I was simply done after what I did, and the circumstances.
So, what is the "wretched", the "horrible"? Several times through the day, when I had to stand for a bit, I nearly passed out. Getting up and going was as difficult as one could imagine. My eyes are burning, my body hurts, I am tired beyond reason, but worse... at times I am grumpy. Oh, sure, you read here so you know me! Truth is, I try my darnedest to be kind in real interactions, even gentle. Doctors can get under my skin, same with some other professional types (though I count that as business and business can be rough), but only when they try to tell me what I know to be true is false or some such. Don't blow smoke up my ass because you have a degree. If you were taught something and I am experiencing something different, do not be quarrelsome. You lose any respect I might have had and the immaturity you show will only garner my disdain, regardless of how many degrees or years in college or your profession you have. And I WILL voice it. But to the working men and women of the world? I have only the deepest respect. Save on the road where... I can be a bit... tight, terse, impatient (praying and working on that though). Anyway, I have been somewhat unkind these last few days and that bothers me more than all the rest. Now you really do know more.
I have some visitors coming shortly. And I am going to try to last as long into the day, evening, as I can before sleeping. The drive was gorgeous though. The weather is rather warm, into the 40's I think. Clouds and sun are taking turns at dominance, and as the clouds spill over the mountains and the sun variously back-lighting this group or shining on this part or that of the mountains, the views have been a weather watcher and nature lover's dream.
Have a great day.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Okay, so some things take time.
.
.
While being 100%, permanent and total, service connected, honorable, disabled from the service has it's down sides, I have been ignoring the perks (so says a sheet the V.A. just sent me). In Utah, there are state day passes, or something. I think I have to fill out a form (which I can find but my printer is not working), send that with proof of eligibility, then wait. I'll do that soon, I'm sure. But there are things that I might be able to get. Perhaps a lifetime fishing license. That may seem silly, but, every time I buy a year pass I end up never quite getting around to it that year. Then when I do get around to it... the pass has expired. Yeah, I will try for that. As well, there is a pass for veterans that is quite handy at National Parks and other areas. I think it reduces the entrance fees to zero for me and any in my vehicle. It might have other uses inside the parks, but that will be partial and hit or miss at that. Both of those could come in quite handy. The other I would like to apply for this coming year. I may never use them. But the chances increase greatly should I have them in my paws (and let people know).
I am hoping, if I can make it to my appointment tomorrow, to make the rounds and apply for those things on my way back. Both the fishing license and the National Parks pass can be had in Ogden, one is on my way exactly pretty much, the other is no more than seven to ten blocks off my path, and I know that way. Plus the one that is off the path has a rather nice diner, verging on fine dining but on a nickle not a quarter.
If I get the fishing license, I may try my hand at ice fishing, should the ice be well thick enough. One of my fellow KoC members, who joined with me, does that. Perhaps he wouldn't mind a noob tagging along once in a while. As for the parks? I do have some plans. In time I would like to begin exploring them, looking for places to take guests, friends, neighbors. Something to just get out of the house and see new and wonderful places (or, get out of work!).
It has only taken me 20 years to finally be using some of the benefits. Then again, early on, actually until recently, I really didn't have a way to get to any of this. And, too, I kept thinking I could beat the disability. I kept hoping I could find the way out, the way up, in spite of the severity. I still haven't given up, I just thought it might be nice to get these things while I wait for the miracle. Perhaps that would be part of the miracle? Yeah, fine, I'm a dreamer.
Good night.
.
While being 100%, permanent and total, service connected, honorable, disabled from the service has it's down sides, I have been ignoring the perks (so says a sheet the V.A. just sent me). In Utah, there are state day passes, or something. I think I have to fill out a form (which I can find but my printer is not working), send that with proof of eligibility, then wait. I'll do that soon, I'm sure. But there are things that I might be able to get. Perhaps a lifetime fishing license. That may seem silly, but, every time I buy a year pass I end up never quite getting around to it that year. Then when I do get around to it... the pass has expired. Yeah, I will try for that. As well, there is a pass for veterans that is quite handy at National Parks and other areas. I think it reduces the entrance fees to zero for me and any in my vehicle. It might have other uses inside the parks, but that will be partial and hit or miss at that. Both of those could come in quite handy. The other I would like to apply for this coming year. I may never use them. But the chances increase greatly should I have them in my paws (and let people know).
I am hoping, if I can make it to my appointment tomorrow, to make the rounds and apply for those things on my way back. Both the fishing license and the National Parks pass can be had in Ogden, one is on my way exactly pretty much, the other is no more than seven to ten blocks off my path, and I know that way. Plus the one that is off the path has a rather nice diner, verging on fine dining but on a nickle not a quarter.
If I get the fishing license, I may try my hand at ice fishing, should the ice be well thick enough. One of my fellow KoC members, who joined with me, does that. Perhaps he wouldn't mind a noob tagging along once in a while. As for the parks? I do have some plans. In time I would like to begin exploring them, looking for places to take guests, friends, neighbors. Something to just get out of the house and see new and wonderful places (or, get out of work!).
It has only taken me 20 years to finally be using some of the benefits. Then again, early on, actually until recently, I really didn't have a way to get to any of this. And, too, I kept thinking I could beat the disability. I kept hoping I could find the way out, the way up, in spite of the severity. I still haven't given up, I just thought it might be nice to get these things while I wait for the miracle. Perhaps that would be part of the miracle? Yeah, fine, I'm a dreamer.
Good night.
Late is the hour.
.
.
Well, late to the appointment. Traffic was just being stupid today. It really does seem that when I have an hour to burn, slow traffic stays in the slow lane or gets out of the way. When I am on the edge, they pile in all lanes and slow all traffic. Today was no different. The doctor had no other time to see me. We rescheduled for tomorrow morning at 9:00. Then again, he wanted a resting fast for the blood draw anyway. So be it. I don't know how I will be up and out by then, I don't. But, that is what I have before me.
I stopped at Sears to pay off my card. Guess what? No Sears, the store is gone. I will just have to do a one-time bank payment. I decided, if I was going to do that with Sears, I would do it with my other accounts to be paid off. It was too late to stop at the hospital to begin gnawing on some accountant's ear, hopefully I can do that tomorrow on the way back. I did stop at the gym. It looks right. I like what they have. And there are a few places that are quieter to work, should I work my way to machines as an intermediary or winter workout center, even during rush hours. I was there at their rush hour start, not bad even then. There are free swimming lessons, and other classes too I think, with the membership. I don't know if I would use them, at least right away. I need to beat the rust off first. I will be joining Monday.
I think, by pushing to get out, and having some problems, nothing made sense to me today. I missed the turnoff into the clinic (though I was already too late by that time). I couldn't make sense of my map. I couldn't tell time well. It was sort of a rough day. Never mind all that though. It was a gorgeous drive. It was a beautiful day to be alive. Even ugly women seemed kind, strangers seemed friendly in a genuine way, people were polite. Shoot me now!
Hush.
I will see what I might do yet today. The bills, I would like to get them paid. Dishes perhaps. Maybe a bit of laundry. I don't know. I still am a bit confused, as if I had been dazed by a glancing blow. Maybe I will just seek my piano lesson book. I still remembered having a rather gifted piano instructor telling me in almost a gasp that my fingers, my style, amazed her. That I was a natural. And that she wished she had found me as a child. I almost thought to ask if still being a big baby counted, but she seemed so intent. I didn't want to break the moment. I just giggled like a boy after passing gas in a bathtub, but just in my mind.
Later.
.
Well, late to the appointment. Traffic was just being stupid today. It really does seem that when I have an hour to burn, slow traffic stays in the slow lane or gets out of the way. When I am on the edge, they pile in all lanes and slow all traffic. Today was no different. The doctor had no other time to see me. We rescheduled for tomorrow morning at 9:00. Then again, he wanted a resting fast for the blood draw anyway. So be it. I don't know how I will be up and out by then, I don't. But, that is what I have before me.
I stopped at Sears to pay off my card. Guess what? No Sears, the store is gone. I will just have to do a one-time bank payment. I decided, if I was going to do that with Sears, I would do it with my other accounts to be paid off. It was too late to stop at the hospital to begin gnawing on some accountant's ear, hopefully I can do that tomorrow on the way back. I did stop at the gym. It looks right. I like what they have. And there are a few places that are quieter to work, should I work my way to machines as an intermediary or winter workout center, even during rush hours. I was there at their rush hour start, not bad even then. There are free swimming lessons, and other classes too I think, with the membership. I don't know if I would use them, at least right away. I need to beat the rust off first. I will be joining Monday.
I think, by pushing to get out, and having some problems, nothing made sense to me today. I missed the turnoff into the clinic (though I was already too late by that time). I couldn't make sense of my map. I couldn't tell time well. It was sort of a rough day. Never mind all that though. It was a gorgeous drive. It was a beautiful day to be alive. Even ugly women seemed kind, strangers seemed friendly in a genuine way, people were polite. Shoot me now!
Hush.
I will see what I might do yet today. The bills, I would like to get them paid. Dishes perhaps. Maybe a bit of laundry. I don't know. I still am a bit confused, as if I had been dazed by a glancing blow. Maybe I will just seek my piano lesson book. I still remembered having a rather gifted piano instructor telling me in almost a gasp that my fingers, my style, amazed her. That I was a natural. And that she wished she had found me as a child. I almost thought to ask if still being a big baby counted, but she seemed so intent. I didn't want to break the moment. I just giggled like a boy after passing gas in a bathtub, but just in my mind.
Later.
Rough!
.
.
I have an appointment to get to. Fine. I went to bed when I could. This is the earliest I have been awake in a week, I think, give or take. I need to get a shower and get on the road.
I have been dreaming again, but this time just odd little dreams. The last one I remember had an announcer, there is a better term for it but I just can't recall it. As the dream moved along, he was talking about the past, tying it into the present, and predicting the future (of the dream). Which was fine for a while, but I kept having to correct him, in a sort of Monty Pythonish way. He became annoyed and threatened to quit. I just suggested he quit being poetic and stick to the truth. The dream went on and the announcer stuck to the truth. *grins* I don't think that was how the dream was supposed to go, but you know me.
Hopefully, on the way back through town, I will be paying off those bills. Oh, I finally found out what is showing up as a problem on my credit report. A medical bill from the local hospital. I need to go in and talk to them. After having been seen there three times, and two of those times the bill being paid by the V.A. without me being involved, why they did not bill the third one to the V.A. I cannot say. Needless to say I am more than slightly put out.
When I speak to whomever, I will indicate that they should have known. That now that the bill has gone to the collection agency, they will now not even get the full amount of whatever the V.A. offers them, and that in these tight times their boss might not appreciate the incongruity and loss of income generated by their lousy bookkeeping. If they don't fix it I am going to begin calling: Veterans groups; the V.A.; blogging naming names; and contacting their boss(es) up their chain of command until I get positive traction (at running them over). If they don't fix it, retract the the black mark on my credit report(s), and offer an apology, I am going to make this very hard on them. Their job is on the line a lot more than my financial butt is. Who says war is always just pure combat. Personally, I hope someone does get fired. That is pure incompetence. It isn't my call though.
Hey, I best get going. Have a good day.
.
I have an appointment to get to. Fine. I went to bed when I could. This is the earliest I have been awake in a week, I think, give or take. I need to get a shower and get on the road.
I have been dreaming again, but this time just odd little dreams. The last one I remember had an announcer, there is a better term for it but I just can't recall it. As the dream moved along, he was talking about the past, tying it into the present, and predicting the future (of the dream). Which was fine for a while, but I kept having to correct him, in a sort of Monty Pythonish way. He became annoyed and threatened to quit. I just suggested he quit being poetic and stick to the truth. The dream went on and the announcer stuck to the truth. *grins* I don't think that was how the dream was supposed to go, but you know me.
Hopefully, on the way back through town, I will be paying off those bills. Oh, I finally found out what is showing up as a problem on my credit report. A medical bill from the local hospital. I need to go in and talk to them. After having been seen there three times, and two of those times the bill being paid by the V.A. without me being involved, why they did not bill the third one to the V.A. I cannot say. Needless to say I am more than slightly put out.
When I speak to whomever, I will indicate that they should have known. That now that the bill has gone to the collection agency, they will now not even get the full amount of whatever the V.A. offers them, and that in these tight times their boss might not appreciate the incongruity and loss of income generated by their lousy bookkeeping. If they don't fix it I am going to begin calling: Veterans groups; the V.A.; blogging naming names; and contacting their boss(es) up their chain of command until I get positive traction (at running them over). If they don't fix it, retract the the black mark on my credit report(s), and offer an apology, I am going to make this very hard on them. Their job is on the line a lot more than my financial butt is. Who says war is always just pure combat. Personally, I hope someone does get fired. That is pure incompetence. It isn't my call though.
Hey, I best get going. Have a good day.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Swimming or no?
.
.
I just received a response. It seems there are no swim only passes. The cost would be nearly $50 a month plus an enrollment fee, that is discounted. It seems expensive, and is to a degree. But swimming, come to think of it, in Iowa, was several dollars a day, and that was just for swimming. Let me think, 3 days x $2.50 x 4 weeks = $30. I believe that is what I paid in Iowa for swimming. But I wasn't buying a house AND a car then. It does seem... reasonable, doesn't it? I know I need it. And the times I suggested would be best, it has been presented, are quieter times. Swimming, again. That would be very good. The next time I am in town I will have to stop in and take a look, make sure there is parking, talk to the people there, see what other fees, fines, or expenses might be involved. I had hoped for a lower fair but they seemingly can't go lower, offering 10% off as is, and half off the initial fee. It won't cost me extra in gas, since, when I am doing right, I go into town on those days for Mass anyway. What do you think? It is nearly $600 a year, but exercise would do me a ton of good. Swimming is easier than the weights, at least until I get heat for the garage. Argh! Decisions!
I keep looking over toys, tools, and such. I must remain focused. I wasn't able to rise and get to things today, but it is coming. Oh no, tomorrow I must drive to Ogden for an appointment at the clinic. They were able to get me in quite quickly. I did make the appointment for early afternoon. I will still have to shove hard to get out in time. Never mind, I will get it done.
I figured out what was wrong with my electric piano, a Roland RD-150. The headset was having a problem and I don't have a speaker for it anymore. It had simply been plugged into the wrong outlet. I hope to begin playing again, as soon as I find my lesson book. While I did finish it, it is my best way to begin playing again. What I will do after that I don't know. While you can learn to play by ear, you can't really teach yourself. Especially since my only real interest is playing baroque. Fine, I think I agree with you all on something at least this one time. I am weird. I mostly listen to heavy metal, hard rock, punk, and such. Why I am only interested in baroque, even though I know of it and like it a lot though rarely listen to it, I can't say. I just know that is the way of it and I my mind has been set that way from the beginning. Bah!
Well, a bit of something to eat, a bit of cleaning tonight maybe, redoing my medicine set, then maybe I can get to sleep early.
Good night.
.
I just received a response. It seems there are no swim only passes. The cost would be nearly $50 a month plus an enrollment fee, that is discounted. It seems expensive, and is to a degree. But swimming, come to think of it, in Iowa, was several dollars a day, and that was just for swimming. Let me think, 3 days x $2.50 x 4 weeks = $30. I believe that is what I paid in Iowa for swimming. But I wasn't buying a house AND a car then. It does seem... reasonable, doesn't it? I know I need it. And the times I suggested would be best, it has been presented, are quieter times. Swimming, again. That would be very good. The next time I am in town I will have to stop in and take a look, make sure there is parking, talk to the people there, see what other fees, fines, or expenses might be involved. I had hoped for a lower fair but they seemingly can't go lower, offering 10% off as is, and half off the initial fee. It won't cost me extra in gas, since, when I am doing right, I go into town on those days for Mass anyway. What do you think? It is nearly $600 a year, but exercise would do me a ton of good. Swimming is easier than the weights, at least until I get heat for the garage. Argh! Decisions!
I keep looking over toys, tools, and such. I must remain focused. I wasn't able to rise and get to things today, but it is coming. Oh no, tomorrow I must drive to Ogden for an appointment at the clinic. They were able to get me in quite quickly. I did make the appointment for early afternoon. I will still have to shove hard to get out in time. Never mind, I will get it done.
I figured out what was wrong with my electric piano, a Roland RD-150. The headset was having a problem and I don't have a speaker for it anymore. It had simply been plugged into the wrong outlet. I hope to begin playing again, as soon as I find my lesson book. While I did finish it, it is my best way to begin playing again. What I will do after that I don't know. While you can learn to play by ear, you can't really teach yourself. Especially since my only real interest is playing baroque. Fine, I think I agree with you all on something at least this one time. I am weird. I mostly listen to heavy metal, hard rock, punk, and such. Why I am only interested in baroque, even though I know of it and like it a lot though rarely listen to it, I can't say. I just know that is the way of it and I my mind has been set that way from the beginning. Bah!
Well, a bit of something to eat, a bit of cleaning tonight maybe, redoing my medicine set, then maybe I can get to sleep early.
Good night.
Whoa!
.
.
Some strange things are happening. I realize most consider me... unbalanced. I know this. No, don't worry if you think you belong in that group. What I write can be taken in many ways. Even if taken in the right way, if you are on the receiving end, you must think me a brute or a madman. You have probably avoided thinking such thoughts and avoided people who say such things.
In my recent writings and comments, I have been discussing God and faith. I wondered if that would not further get me written off. For all the faith that so many have, much of it is a tiny part of their lives, often pretty much only evidenced on the Sabbath, if then. Religion seems to have retreated to a personal favorite notion, but only the good things. Hell, sin, even the crucifixion have been stuffed into a cubbyhole, boarded up, and referred to, if required, only in dainty quick whispers. Still, I must say what I see, I must. And yet, the reactions have been... different. I don't know if I have touched nerves or people are, on their own, opening up the cupboards and reviewing truth, the whole of it, again. Perhaps they always did, but remained quiet? I just know that my faith messages have been more warmly received than ever.
Another thing seems to be happening. I am being taken seriously. Whether people now see that a serious heart condition accounts for much of what they might have thought was madness, or whether my words are lining up more closely with reality as people begin to see the world with new eyes and hear with new ears, or whether the darkness that is closing in has simply allowed people to hear what they would not have tolerated listening too just weeks, months, or years ago... I do not know. Not that I am simply taken to be the absolute arbiter of truth or anything (and I would recommend against that in any case :p ). It is just that I am being included in discussions.
I do know the locals have found me anywhere from... possibly problematic, to possibly untruthful, to maybe just a wee touched. As they spend time with me, though, they realize there is something real, honest, possibly good there too. Some read here. My visitor logger shows no visitors, and yet here I have four comments. I love that people are learning to hide their tracks a bit. Cyberrangers, something I have been for some time now. I would guess the locals have learned to be rather more savvy than many might think as well. And, being often a plain people, I must seem fantastical to them. I mean no disrespect, just that theory, academia, princely behaviors, and richly things are not a part of the world they know. They live with hard work, social order, and the reals of the here and now and past. That is a good thing. As they begin to actually deal with me, in daily events, conversations, and such, they are having to balance what they read with what their gut tells them. Not an easy task, but things are actually looking up, if I would venture to guess, regarding local understandings.
Sometimes I do blather. Sometimes what I say does, and is, fantastical. The experiences I have had are... different from most, bordering on the impossible (which of course, I might enhance even so). A Woden who finally has chosen to settle, perhaps? Fantastical indeed. But neither is it off the mark by more than a little. What I write here has some cores of truth, wrapped with various things at various times. Bacon on this topic, to make it much more appetizing. Red meat wound on that topic, to bring the blood to a boil. Mint, tarragon, and cloves in this, to bring a fresh yet bold and even spirited flavor to this. And of course, a cloak of shadow over much of it so only outlines may be seen. Sometimes, that latter, because I cannot see more of my past, the present, or the future than what I write. Sometimes because some promises cannot be undone. People seem to begin to understand.
I am finally coming into my own. After so many years of wandering, looking, fighting, warring, learning, teaching, and living, I have found a place to become a man. Just a man. While I can never cease being a bard of sorts, perhaps I can become more than just that. I must admit, my heart quivers at the responsibilities I have taken on, more so at the prospect of finding a woman, and beyond that becoming a father. Bound to a home, a woman, children. I fear it will take the heart of me. Some hearts, though, I realize, are worth losing. I know very well the notion of getting a new heart in more ways than most. And so it is I begin here, now, again, all over. Humbly, I hope. But sure too, in some ways.
A new year is upon us. A new man is coming forth. And Christmas? Somewhere in the remembrance of the birth of my Lord I saw the makings of my own rebirth. A second chance through Him? Never mind, I have begun babbling again.
Have a great day.
.
Some strange things are happening. I realize most consider me... unbalanced. I know this. No, don't worry if you think you belong in that group. What I write can be taken in many ways. Even if taken in the right way, if you are on the receiving end, you must think me a brute or a madman. You have probably avoided thinking such thoughts and avoided people who say such things.
In my recent writings and comments, I have been discussing God and faith. I wondered if that would not further get me written off. For all the faith that so many have, much of it is a tiny part of their lives, often pretty much only evidenced on the Sabbath, if then. Religion seems to have retreated to a personal favorite notion, but only the good things. Hell, sin, even the crucifixion have been stuffed into a cubbyhole, boarded up, and referred to, if required, only in dainty quick whispers. Still, I must say what I see, I must. And yet, the reactions have been... different. I don't know if I have touched nerves or people are, on their own, opening up the cupboards and reviewing truth, the whole of it, again. Perhaps they always did, but remained quiet? I just know that my faith messages have been more warmly received than ever.
Another thing seems to be happening. I am being taken seriously. Whether people now see that a serious heart condition accounts for much of what they might have thought was madness, or whether my words are lining up more closely with reality as people begin to see the world with new eyes and hear with new ears, or whether the darkness that is closing in has simply allowed people to hear what they would not have tolerated listening too just weeks, months, or years ago... I do not know. Not that I am simply taken to be the absolute arbiter of truth or anything (and I would recommend against that in any case :p ). It is just that I am being included in discussions.
I do know the locals have found me anywhere from... possibly problematic, to possibly untruthful, to maybe just a wee touched. As they spend time with me, though, they realize there is something real, honest, possibly good there too. Some read here. My visitor logger shows no visitors, and yet here I have four comments. I love that people are learning to hide their tracks a bit. Cyberrangers, something I have been for some time now. I would guess the locals have learned to be rather more savvy than many might think as well. And, being often a plain people, I must seem fantastical to them. I mean no disrespect, just that theory, academia, princely behaviors, and richly things are not a part of the world they know. They live with hard work, social order, and the reals of the here and now and past. That is a good thing. As they begin to actually deal with me, in daily events, conversations, and such, they are having to balance what they read with what their gut tells them. Not an easy task, but things are actually looking up, if I would venture to guess, regarding local understandings.
Sometimes I do blather. Sometimes what I say does, and is, fantastical. The experiences I have had are... different from most, bordering on the impossible (which of course, I might enhance even so). A Woden who finally has chosen to settle, perhaps? Fantastical indeed. But neither is it off the mark by more than a little. What I write here has some cores of truth, wrapped with various things at various times. Bacon on this topic, to make it much more appetizing. Red meat wound on that topic, to bring the blood to a boil. Mint, tarragon, and cloves in this, to bring a fresh yet bold and even spirited flavor to this. And of course, a cloak of shadow over much of it so only outlines may be seen. Sometimes, that latter, because I cannot see more of my past, the present, or the future than what I write. Sometimes because some promises cannot be undone. People seem to begin to understand.
I am finally coming into my own. After so many years of wandering, looking, fighting, warring, learning, teaching, and living, I have found a place to become a man. Just a man. While I can never cease being a bard of sorts, perhaps I can become more than just that. I must admit, my heart quivers at the responsibilities I have taken on, more so at the prospect of finding a woman, and beyond that becoming a father. Bound to a home, a woman, children. I fear it will take the heart of me. Some hearts, though, I realize, are worth losing. I know very well the notion of getting a new heart in more ways than most. And so it is I begin here, now, again, all over. Humbly, I hope. But sure too, in some ways.
A new year is upon us. A new man is coming forth. And Christmas? Somewhere in the remembrance of the birth of my Lord I saw the makings of my own rebirth. A second chance through Him? Never mind, I have begun babbling again.
Have a great day.
Monday, December 26, 2011
Oh, right, the home credit has been deposited.
.
.
I was amazed at how fast it came and how painless that ended up being. And with whatever has been going on in my account, it couldn't have come at a better time. There is nothing like a minor pot of gold burning a hole in the pocket though. I have talked about doing so many things this last year. Oh, I looked, window shopping to my hearts content. Everything from a 20v cordless tool set to space heaters to, well, you name it. Nope, not a penny is being spent, for the moment. At least not on goods.
I have decided to put 3/8ths of it against debt, the rest of it into a savings account I will be creating hopefully tomorrow. I will be paying off 3 bills completely and about half on a final one. That will give me a lot more money to throw at my remaining debts. I haven't worked it out yet, though other than my home and auto, I should be out of debt in, perhaps, a year. At which time I begin working on the car payment. Finally, I might have enough to throw double payments at my home payment. And, should I need, I might also be able to renege on that for a month or two for special occasions. I really need to make a plan but I honestly don't know how. And, I do want some of that money going into savings. I like having a minor nest egg, for eventualities, work on my home, and troubles. While I still would like to get some of those other things I mentioned. Plus, how could I not be thinking about solar power? Ugh. But there is only so much a nickel will buy and I only have a nickel to spend!
I may even, for a few months after paying this round of bills off, stay my hand and send the extra into savings. I simply have despised living, gaspingly, from one month to another. I have also reduced costs in various ways. I am tightening down the hatches. The one group of purchases I may consider working harder toward, out of my income money now though, is food stuffs. Long term. I doubt, still, if I can buy it all in one month, or even two. But with this sense of security, perhaps in three months, starting in January, I might be able to stock enough for one and a half people for a year. That seriously needs to happen. I will speak with the missionaries about having someone help me arrange things. An adviser would be quite welcome, a hands-on, in the flesh, sort of helper. And I do believe, with a little help and training, and that the LDS Church food pantry is happy to lend out a canning device that would allow me to get most of the food in #10 cans. I do have the materials to put some of it in five gallon buckets. Some buckets and various sorts of lids, desiccants, oxygen absorbers, and the mylar bags. I wouldn't mind having a few five gallon buckets o' food. But mostly I want it in cans. Easier to trade, move, handle, and eat before it goes bad.
After the bills are paid, money begins to come in, and I see what is going out and how, I can then change up my savings and spending. It is so very different to have enough in an account that, even if all my tires needed changed, I wouldn't have to figure it out over two or three months. My available portion of my income will still be small, but not like it has been. I have no idea, yet, what it will all look like, but I have some plans flexible enough to deal with the rough edges.
This year will be different. Working out, saving, storing food, eating right, all the things I need to do will begin in earnest. Perhaps by spring I will be beyond some things and into even newer things. After food, solid tools need to be purchased, hand tools. Just one or two a month. A grain mill, of course, and I think D.C. is right on the choice. Hopefully, if I can get in shape enough, perhaps I can begin practicing with those tools. No, D.C., I don't think you are crazy. One of the men at the Christmas party has purchased tools and trained his horses for field work and buggies. And he practices with them. I know he gets a lot of razz for it, even here. I definitely flashed my hand just a bit, and let him know I too believe there is trouble coming, that his works were wise. I did it in a way that it went right over the heads of many, but he caught it at once. There is an understanding among some. It is just that it has been difficult to do anything, swamped one way or another so often, as I have been. Perhaps this is my time to begin on that hard path you discuss.
Never mind. I tried to go online to pay some of those bills. Snake eyes. I then tried to call. Elevens. No, I will have to go in to pay. Tomorrow, after Mass. And I best stop and see my friend. He sounds a little green around the gills. I did call my brother. I think it is very lonely for him. He may be better off now being 100% and retired along with his wife working, but money is little comfort. He has three women in his home against just one guy, and he is not able to get around as much as he might like. No, male companionship, especially that of a brother, even if long distance, is good for him. I need to call him more. But his cellphone reception (Sprint) is crap, or he needs a new phone, or both. I tried to convince him on Verizon. For all it's problems (usually minor to my mind), I have zero problems talking to people, I don't lose calls, I don't have large periods where I can't hear or speak. Ugh. Why do people stay with crap carriers? I did call my lady friend too, but she is indisposed, at work, or over spending Christmas with friends. I left a message.
I have some things to attend. Good night.
.
I was amazed at how fast it came and how painless that ended up being. And with whatever has been going on in my account, it couldn't have come at a better time. There is nothing like a minor pot of gold burning a hole in the pocket though. I have talked about doing so many things this last year. Oh, I looked, window shopping to my hearts content. Everything from a 20v cordless tool set to space heaters to, well, you name it. Nope, not a penny is being spent, for the moment. At least not on goods.
I have decided to put 3/8ths of it against debt, the rest of it into a savings account I will be creating hopefully tomorrow. I will be paying off 3 bills completely and about half on a final one. That will give me a lot more money to throw at my remaining debts. I haven't worked it out yet, though other than my home and auto, I should be out of debt in, perhaps, a year. At which time I begin working on the car payment. Finally, I might have enough to throw double payments at my home payment. And, should I need, I might also be able to renege on that for a month or two for special occasions. I really need to make a plan but I honestly don't know how. And, I do want some of that money going into savings. I like having a minor nest egg, for eventualities, work on my home, and troubles. While I still would like to get some of those other things I mentioned. Plus, how could I not be thinking about solar power? Ugh. But there is only so much a nickel will buy and I only have a nickel to spend!
I may even, for a few months after paying this round of bills off, stay my hand and send the extra into savings. I simply have despised living, gaspingly, from one month to another. I have also reduced costs in various ways. I am tightening down the hatches. The one group of purchases I may consider working harder toward, out of my income money now though, is food stuffs. Long term. I doubt, still, if I can buy it all in one month, or even two. But with this sense of security, perhaps in three months, starting in January, I might be able to stock enough for one and a half people for a year. That seriously needs to happen. I will speak with the missionaries about having someone help me arrange things. An adviser would be quite welcome, a hands-on, in the flesh, sort of helper. And I do believe, with a little help and training, and that the LDS Church food pantry is happy to lend out a canning device that would allow me to get most of the food in #10 cans. I do have the materials to put some of it in five gallon buckets. Some buckets and various sorts of lids, desiccants, oxygen absorbers, and the mylar bags. I wouldn't mind having a few five gallon buckets o' food. But mostly I want it in cans. Easier to trade, move, handle, and eat before it goes bad.
After the bills are paid, money begins to come in, and I see what is going out and how, I can then change up my savings and spending. It is so very different to have enough in an account that, even if all my tires needed changed, I wouldn't have to figure it out over two or three months. My available portion of my income will still be small, but not like it has been. I have no idea, yet, what it will all look like, but I have some plans flexible enough to deal with the rough edges.
This year will be different. Working out, saving, storing food, eating right, all the things I need to do will begin in earnest. Perhaps by spring I will be beyond some things and into even newer things. After food, solid tools need to be purchased, hand tools. Just one or two a month. A grain mill, of course, and I think D.C. is right on the choice. Hopefully, if I can get in shape enough, perhaps I can begin practicing with those tools. No, D.C., I don't think you are crazy. One of the men at the Christmas party has purchased tools and trained his horses for field work and buggies. And he practices with them. I know he gets a lot of razz for it, even here. I definitely flashed my hand just a bit, and let him know I too believe there is trouble coming, that his works were wise. I did it in a way that it went right over the heads of many, but he caught it at once. There is an understanding among some. It is just that it has been difficult to do anything, swamped one way or another so often, as I have been. Perhaps this is my time to begin on that hard path you discuss.
Never mind. I tried to go online to pay some of those bills. Snake eyes. I then tried to call. Elevens. No, I will have to go in to pay. Tomorrow, after Mass. And I best stop and see my friend. He sounds a little green around the gills. I did call my brother. I think it is very lonely for him. He may be better off now being 100% and retired along with his wife working, but money is little comfort. He has three women in his home against just one guy, and he is not able to get around as much as he might like. No, male companionship, especially that of a brother, even if long distance, is good for him. I need to call him more. But his cellphone reception (Sprint) is crap, or he needs a new phone, or both. I tried to convince him on Verizon. For all it's problems (usually minor to my mind), I have zero problems talking to people, I don't lose calls, I don't have large periods where I can't hear or speak. Ugh. Why do people stay with crap carriers? I did call my lady friend too, but she is indisposed, at work, or over spending Christmas with friends. I left a message.
I have some things to attend. Good night.
I'm going to have to do it.
.
.
So much to do. I am still in relatively poor shape from my recent fall. I must begin digging my way out. I woke too late for Mass, I have been stumbling around this morning doing little, but I have been forming plans for an attack. Last night and this morning I have been exploring exercise. I have a Herculean set of iron weights in my garage, there isn't really a good place for them in my home. But with the temperature being what it is, I have been looking for a space heater, of some sort. Amazon, and web searches, have led me to a couple of units. It depends on what I might think is needed to be warm enough, I am not sure if a bigger 360 radiant or a small directional heater might be best, most economically, more useful in more ways, to do the trick. My garage is almost a two car garage and I have no experience with these types of heaters. The latter one would be excellent as a backup, and portable, heating device. Useful for everything from camping to fishing to hunting, and perhaps truly worthy of emergency small area heating in the home. The bigger one? Perhaps emergency home heating, but it does look a bit riskier to use as such. The thing about the bigger one is that it would truly warm the whole garage which would be useful for other things, like turning the garage into a real shop. Remember, it is relatively cold around here most of the year.
Further I have been considering swimming. The college has a pool, but there seem to be a thousand and one rules and the hours of lap swimming are archaic at best. An hour there, a few hours here, none of them look to be good for my schedule (hopefully right after Mass on Monday, Tuesday, and Friday). And parking near the college is expensive, if it is even available. Perhaps I should consider getting a handicap sticker? My heart condition might warrant it (if I would only use it for easier access at times, I prefer to park far away if I can for safer parking and a little more exercise).
I did find a club that has an indoor pool. I worry about the cost and my, at least initial, lackluster use of a lane. So, I emailed them to see if we could work something out, filling them in on my particulars. I even suggested a limited membership, just for the pool. Though I must admit, if I could get a heavily discounted full membership, as I progress in swimming I might see what else they might have to offer. While machines are not the best at strength and stamina building, they might be a safer beginning back into weights. I don't know. I know nothing, often. I must try to get back in shape. If something comes through, I will just need a pair of speedos. Urhm, maybe not.
There is much other work to do though. I need to clean my kitchen up, get back to more whole grains than not meat and real foods, and begin planning for smaller more frequent meals. I need to do some legal research. I have to get my finances in order. I need to get my medicine set redone. I need to figure out how to get my butt off my chair too. And of course, I have a number of pieces of business to do with the KoC. I don't even consider blogging a part of my duties. I just do it, anymore.
Well, enough. I should get to making those late Christmas calls. My brother is a bit steamed at all of us. *grins* He often was. Then again, in all fairness, we have all taken our turns at being the angst ridden angry 'person in the corner pouting'. :p Loverly. Later.
.
So much to do. I am still in relatively poor shape from my recent fall. I must begin digging my way out. I woke too late for Mass, I have been stumbling around this morning doing little, but I have been forming plans for an attack. Last night and this morning I have been exploring exercise. I have a Herculean set of iron weights in my garage, there isn't really a good place for them in my home. But with the temperature being what it is, I have been looking for a space heater, of some sort. Amazon, and web searches, have led me to a couple of units. It depends on what I might think is needed to be warm enough, I am not sure if a bigger 360 radiant or a small directional heater might be best, most economically, more useful in more ways, to do the trick. My garage is almost a two car garage and I have no experience with these types of heaters. The latter one would be excellent as a backup, and portable, heating device. Useful for everything from camping to fishing to hunting, and perhaps truly worthy of emergency small area heating in the home. The bigger one? Perhaps emergency home heating, but it does look a bit riskier to use as such. The thing about the bigger one is that it would truly warm the whole garage which would be useful for other things, like turning the garage into a real shop. Remember, it is relatively cold around here most of the year.
Further I have been considering swimming. The college has a pool, but there seem to be a thousand and one rules and the hours of lap swimming are archaic at best. An hour there, a few hours here, none of them look to be good for my schedule (hopefully right after Mass on Monday, Tuesday, and Friday). And parking near the college is expensive, if it is even available. Perhaps I should consider getting a handicap sticker? My heart condition might warrant it (if I would only use it for easier access at times, I prefer to park far away if I can for safer parking and a little more exercise).
I did find a club that has an indoor pool. I worry about the cost and my, at least initial, lackluster use of a lane. So, I emailed them to see if we could work something out, filling them in on my particulars. I even suggested a limited membership, just for the pool. Though I must admit, if I could get a heavily discounted full membership, as I progress in swimming I might see what else they might have to offer. While machines are not the best at strength and stamina building, they might be a safer beginning back into weights. I don't know. I know nothing, often. I must try to get back in shape. If something comes through, I will just need a pair of speedos. Urhm, maybe not.
There is much other work to do though. I need to clean my kitchen up, get back to more whole grains than not meat and real foods, and begin planning for smaller more frequent meals. I need to do some legal research. I have to get my finances in order. I need to get my medicine set redone. I need to figure out how to get my butt off my chair too. And of course, I have a number of pieces of business to do with the KoC. I don't even consider blogging a part of my duties. I just do it, anymore.
Well, enough. I should get to making those late Christmas calls. My brother is a bit steamed at all of us. *grins* He often was. Then again, in all fairness, we have all taken our turns at being the angst ridden angry 'person in the corner pouting'. :p Loverly. Later.
Highway lane warning ridges.
.
.
Have you ever been driving on a highway and veered a bit to the left or right while distracted? Perhaps you noticed the *thump* *thump* *thump* until you corrected into your lane? I have started to think that my dreams where just that. I am out of shape, weak. I think I need to begin getting into shape. I am not sure how this will go with my heart if I think it won't actually hurt my heart. I just need to... work around the extra exhaustion. I think the dreams might have been more than just an annoyance, more than just remembrances.
I still smell the stench of that sweat. My fight sweat smells mostly like iron, along with other minerals. Too there is a touch of sulfur and sour and even a bit of gunpowder smell. The smell, for the most part, is connected with victory, usually, in my mind, so it isn't a terrible smell for me. It has infused my bedroom and bathroom. A simple cleaning won't clear it. Only time, and if weather permitted an airing out that would speed the process a bit.
No, it is time to get in shape, what shape I can get in with the time I have. How much else will have to go on the backburner though? I will have to weave and dodge as I begin readying my body. Now that I know I can use naps successfully, that may help greatly. I am too old to be an effective general combat unit. I cannot know the path to long forced marches, 20 mile runs, six mile swims. Too much cold, heat, other discomfort, and perhaps even minor wounds would harshly impact my performance. But for short distance combat, defense, or acting as a guide through less well patrolled areas I might still be useful. But not in the shape I am in. I think the dreams were a call, I am almost sure of it. Perhaps the time is coming.
Now, I can't just begin swimming long distances, lifting tons, or jumping rope. To be honest, it will begin with nutrition. I need to prepare for high protein, good solid slow burning carbs, and a good mixture of fats. I need to get back to six or seven meals a day. I might be able to find a place to begin swimming, too. I am not sure if the garage is truly too cold to do my weights or not, though perhaps a small heating unit might help. It wouldn't be bad to get a minor heating unit for prepping anyway, and have fuels and the knowledge to work the thing. Oh, sure, I am beginning this when I am just coming off a fall, if not quite over it, wouldn't you know. The dreams are compelling though.
I was given a reprieve, for Christmas. And I needed it. I hope to avoid a repeat of the dreams though. Never mind. Now, don't take this as a New Years resolution. It isn't a resolution of any kind. It is merely a choice derived from a warning. I will, at times, still stumble, and fall, on this as with all things. I must rise and continue when I can. Destiny calls.
I cannot, still, believe the peace, warmth, fellowship, and kindness I have known this Christmas. At the meal, it was like I was with long known family. The food was very good, the talk was quite entertaining, with laughs and grins and chuckles and thoughts, new and old. I gifted and was gifted. I went to God's home to thank Him in person. My world was quiet too, if the rug squirrels wouldn't quite let me have too much peace and quiet. *grrrr* *meow?* I see it as a gift from God to prepare me to do what I must do. If it is for naught, if nothing ever happens? As with prepping, so be it. To be ahead is potential, reserves. Work and storing are never lost if wisely done.
Prepare yourselves. The ride, most likely, is soon enough to get rather bumpy. Don't be caught flat footed and unaware, if you can. Yes, I know, all must sleep. Meaning that all are vulnerable. Walk in faith or walk in the dark. Good night.
.
Have you ever been driving on a highway and veered a bit to the left or right while distracted? Perhaps you noticed the *thump* *thump* *thump* until you corrected into your lane? I have started to think that my dreams where just that. I am out of shape, weak. I think I need to begin getting into shape. I am not sure how this will go with my heart if I think it won't actually hurt my heart. I just need to... work around the extra exhaustion. I think the dreams might have been more than just an annoyance, more than just remembrances.
I still smell the stench of that sweat. My fight sweat smells mostly like iron, along with other minerals. Too there is a touch of sulfur and sour and even a bit of gunpowder smell. The smell, for the most part, is connected with victory, usually, in my mind, so it isn't a terrible smell for me. It has infused my bedroom and bathroom. A simple cleaning won't clear it. Only time, and if weather permitted an airing out that would speed the process a bit.
No, it is time to get in shape, what shape I can get in with the time I have. How much else will have to go on the backburner though? I will have to weave and dodge as I begin readying my body. Now that I know I can use naps successfully, that may help greatly. I am too old to be an effective general combat unit. I cannot know the path to long forced marches, 20 mile runs, six mile swims. Too much cold, heat, other discomfort, and perhaps even minor wounds would harshly impact my performance. But for short distance combat, defense, or acting as a guide through less well patrolled areas I might still be useful. But not in the shape I am in. I think the dreams were a call, I am almost sure of it. Perhaps the time is coming.
Now, I can't just begin swimming long distances, lifting tons, or jumping rope. To be honest, it will begin with nutrition. I need to prepare for high protein, good solid slow burning carbs, and a good mixture of fats. I need to get back to six or seven meals a day. I might be able to find a place to begin swimming, too. I am not sure if the garage is truly too cold to do my weights or not, though perhaps a small heating unit might help. It wouldn't be bad to get a minor heating unit for prepping anyway, and have fuels and the knowledge to work the thing. Oh, sure, I am beginning this when I am just coming off a fall, if not quite over it, wouldn't you know. The dreams are compelling though.
I was given a reprieve, for Christmas. And I needed it. I hope to avoid a repeat of the dreams though. Never mind. Now, don't take this as a New Years resolution. It isn't a resolution of any kind. It is merely a choice derived from a warning. I will, at times, still stumble, and fall, on this as with all things. I must rise and continue when I can. Destiny calls.
I cannot, still, believe the peace, warmth, fellowship, and kindness I have known this Christmas. At the meal, it was like I was with long known family. The food was very good, the talk was quite entertaining, with laughs and grins and chuckles and thoughts, new and old. I gifted and was gifted. I went to God's home to thank Him in person. My world was quiet too, if the rug squirrels wouldn't quite let me have too much peace and quiet. *grrrr* *meow?* I see it as a gift from God to prepare me to do what I must do. If it is for naught, if nothing ever happens? As with prepping, so be it. To be ahead is potential, reserves. Work and storing are never lost if wisely done.
Prepare yourselves. The ride, most likely, is soon enough to get rather bumpy. Don't be caught flat footed and unaware, if you can. Yes, I know, all must sleep. Meaning that all are vulnerable. Walk in faith or walk in the dark. Good night.
Sunday, December 25, 2011
A good day.
.
.
I decided, after looking, to go to the 23:00 Mass yesterday. It was specifically a Christmas eve Mass. I knew I would not make it for the morning Mass, this morning, and I had some small hope that it would be less crowded. I was half right. Even with chairs brought in there were not but a few places open when all was said and done. And, actually, some people must not have noticed the spare chairs, or were with too large of a group to use the few sparse places, as some were standing at the back of the Church. Still, all good.
I may have to speak with my priest. I was one of the the few dressed for Church! I even saw one man in a heavy metal pullover sweatshirt. He was my age. I don't know what has happened. I just can't rid myself of the notion of wearing my best for Mass. I have toned things down, just a bit, for weekday Mass. But I just can't for Sabbath Masses, certainly not high Masses (is that the term?) without being properly attired. Something about the secondary wedding guests, Christ, being dressed properly or being thrown out? I don't know if that applies, but I thought so. Though I do stick out like a sore thumb.
I have been invited to a dinner! I was quite pleased. I had beef-mac as the meal plan. Hey, I'm a bachelor and that seemed easy enough on a celebration day. These are some local people, going to one of their parent's home. I don't have anything to take. And I realize taking food when more is being cooked than can be eaten is a silly notion anyway. I suppose I should just humbly and politely accept the gift. It will be good to be in company though. You know me, even if you know me, you know?
My mother has been spoken with, with all the usual Christmas sayings. Just a touch and go thing, as she is a busy woman. She has more people coming over for a minute than any woman I know, and calls too. I have a few more calls to make this afternoon. Everything is on schedule that way, more or less. She thinks the Church will be empty at her funeral. Sometimes I think she really doesn't understand. She has become something between the Godmother and Mrs. Santa in her area. Really really.
And again, Merry Christmas.
.
I decided, after looking, to go to the 23:00 Mass yesterday. It was specifically a Christmas eve Mass. I knew I would not make it for the morning Mass, this morning, and I had some small hope that it would be less crowded. I was half right. Even with chairs brought in there were not but a few places open when all was said and done. And, actually, some people must not have noticed the spare chairs, or were with too large of a group to use the few sparse places, as some were standing at the back of the Church. Still, all good.
I may have to speak with my priest. I was one of the the few dressed for Church! I even saw one man in a heavy metal pullover sweatshirt. He was my age. I don't know what has happened. I just can't rid myself of the notion of wearing my best for Mass. I have toned things down, just a bit, for weekday Mass. But I just can't for Sabbath Masses, certainly not high Masses (is that the term?) without being properly attired. Something about the secondary wedding guests, Christ, being dressed properly or being thrown out? I don't know if that applies, but I thought so. Though I do stick out like a sore thumb.
I have been invited to a dinner! I was quite pleased. I had beef-mac as the meal plan. Hey, I'm a bachelor and that seemed easy enough on a celebration day. These are some local people, going to one of their parent's home. I don't have anything to take. And I realize taking food when more is being cooked than can be eaten is a silly notion anyway. I suppose I should just humbly and politely accept the gift. It will be good to be in company though. You know me, even if you know me, you know?
My mother has been spoken with, with all the usual Christmas sayings. Just a touch and go thing, as she is a busy woman. She has more people coming over for a minute than any woman I know, and calls too. I have a few more calls to make this afternoon. Everything is on schedule that way, more or less. She thinks the Church will be empty at her funeral. Sometimes I think she really doesn't understand. She has become something between the Godmother and Mrs. Santa in her area. Really really.
And again, Merry Christmas.
Saturday, December 24, 2011
The night before Christmas?
.
.
Time flies when you can't think. Never mind. I am rather at peace with Christmas this year. There have been a Christmas or dozen that were not filled with so much cheer. Sometimes I choked on self pity, it happens. Sometimes there was a sense of lonesomeness that would not be undone no matter how many were around, how close those people were, or what. And sometimes I drowned in the activities. A party here, a meal there, presents to be opened here, there, and yonder as well.
Mostly Christmas has been a time to escape the doings of the world. The thing that bothers me is that, often, with people, there is prejudice. Political, religious, personal, private, for good reason and for no reason, people just can't let go. I often wonder if one of the key things Christ wanted to teach was to simply let go. To honestly love the ones closest to us. Don't choose one of your own over someone else, choose the right one. Don't choose yourself over one of your own, choose the right one. Find the fundamental truths, understand them, and use them to guide you in all things. The more reason to crucify Him, by a worldly host of men, not knowing this would be the undoing of petty, selfish, self-vested notions. No, I am not saying that was Jesus's purpose, He came to save. But He taught for a bit before He returned to where He belonged. And this is what I speak of, His teaching.
When I find myself straying, and realize it, I try to look to Christ. While He is God, He also claimed me, by proxy, as friend and even kin. I know of little, truly, of God. I cannot comprehend what my mind was not meant to understand. But Christ, as a man too, I can see arms, legs, a torso and head. I read words uttered past his tongue. I know where He lived, where He went, what He did. And I am satisfied with Him, as Savior, King, Prophet, Friend, Kin, Adviser, and as One who knows what my "sandles" feel like to wear and use, in the full multiplicity of that last notion. Not all His choices, of course, are for me. Nor are all His duties completed here. So I cannot say fully that I know what He wants of me, only that I understand enough to know the path I must take. My point is, while I know He is God, I know too He was Flesh, Man, Friend, and Kin. And, to the exact point, He is worth... abiding.
Whether He was born, 'xactly, on December 25th I neither know nor worry. That I have let others concern themselves with the matter is enough, and this is what they have said. So be it. There will always be naysayers. Some say it was a different day! Some say there is no day as He never existed. There are some who still insist the world is flat or that men did not land on the moon (my grandfather believed the latter, to much cheer and endearment). Distractions abound if you choose to find them. As with many things, just look to God and these things fade into the irrelevance they deserve. No, it isn't about the exact day, if with faith there is no doubt He was born, it is just about remembering what the day is about. It is about the birth of the only true King men will ever find worthy of bowing for, to.
This is a great Christmas for me, personally. At ease with the approach, even on my own in a strange land. I am in my home, the first I have ever known. I am among people who are peaceful and have graces, some unique to them. I have two animal friends who seem to enjoy me as much as I enjoy them. I am slowly learning to live, to use my medicines to my advantage and function. I have finally begun partaking in worship and fellowship in my Church. I even have enough left over to share with others, bits and pieces of what I have and am. I have taken as much reasonable control of my life as I can, with Christian, Catholic, guidelines to follow. Life is so very good, the frustrations simply things to work with. I would never have believed such a thing could be.
Christmas, for my part, is every day. As is Easter. And yet neither is true without the darkest of days. But to see the greatest sin of men turned into the finally victory for God is to see debris woven with the finest materials into a tapestry of hope, faith, and charity. It is a good Christmas. Without being able to afford ornaments, let alone a tree. Without many gifts under the tree that isn't here. Without people all around. Without even the realization that Christmas day snuck up on me. It is a very good Christmas. How little we really need. I best be off to Mass.
Merry Christmas, should I not post tomorrow. I have some prayers to say. I believe it will be a day of prayers.
.
Time flies when you can't think. Never mind. I am rather at peace with Christmas this year. There have been a Christmas or dozen that were not filled with so much cheer. Sometimes I choked on self pity, it happens. Sometimes there was a sense of lonesomeness that would not be undone no matter how many were around, how close those people were, or what. And sometimes I drowned in the activities. A party here, a meal there, presents to be opened here, there, and yonder as well.
Mostly Christmas has been a time to escape the doings of the world. The thing that bothers me is that, often, with people, there is prejudice. Political, religious, personal, private, for good reason and for no reason, people just can't let go. I often wonder if one of the key things Christ wanted to teach was to simply let go. To honestly love the ones closest to us. Don't choose one of your own over someone else, choose the right one. Don't choose yourself over one of your own, choose the right one. Find the fundamental truths, understand them, and use them to guide you in all things. The more reason to crucify Him, by a worldly host of men, not knowing this would be the undoing of petty, selfish, self-vested notions. No, I am not saying that was Jesus's purpose, He came to save. But He taught for a bit before He returned to where He belonged. And this is what I speak of, His teaching.
When I find myself straying, and realize it, I try to look to Christ. While He is God, He also claimed me, by proxy, as friend and even kin. I know of little, truly, of God. I cannot comprehend what my mind was not meant to understand. But Christ, as a man too, I can see arms, legs, a torso and head. I read words uttered past his tongue. I know where He lived, where He went, what He did. And I am satisfied with Him, as Savior, King, Prophet, Friend, Kin, Adviser, and as One who knows what my "sandles" feel like to wear and use, in the full multiplicity of that last notion. Not all His choices, of course, are for me. Nor are all His duties completed here. So I cannot say fully that I know what He wants of me, only that I understand enough to know the path I must take. My point is, while I know He is God, I know too He was Flesh, Man, Friend, and Kin. And, to the exact point, He is worth... abiding.
Whether He was born, 'xactly, on December 25th I neither know nor worry. That I have let others concern themselves with the matter is enough, and this is what they have said. So be it. There will always be naysayers. Some say it was a different day! Some say there is no day as He never existed. There are some who still insist the world is flat or that men did not land on the moon (my grandfather believed the latter, to much cheer and endearment). Distractions abound if you choose to find them. As with many things, just look to God and these things fade into the irrelevance they deserve. No, it isn't about the exact day, if with faith there is no doubt He was born, it is just about remembering what the day is about. It is about the birth of the only true King men will ever find worthy of bowing for, to.
This is a great Christmas for me, personally. At ease with the approach, even on my own in a strange land. I am in my home, the first I have ever known. I am among people who are peaceful and have graces, some unique to them. I have two animal friends who seem to enjoy me as much as I enjoy them. I am slowly learning to live, to use my medicines to my advantage and function. I have finally begun partaking in worship and fellowship in my Church. I even have enough left over to share with others, bits and pieces of what I have and am. I have taken as much reasonable control of my life as I can, with Christian, Catholic, guidelines to follow. Life is so very good, the frustrations simply things to work with. I would never have believed such a thing could be.
Christmas, for my part, is every day. As is Easter. And yet neither is true without the darkest of days. But to see the greatest sin of men turned into the finally victory for God is to see debris woven with the finest materials into a tapestry of hope, faith, and charity. It is a good Christmas. Without being able to afford ornaments, let alone a tree. Without many gifts under the tree that isn't here. Without people all around. Without even the realization that Christmas day snuck up on me. It is a very good Christmas. How little we really need. I best be off to Mass.
Merry Christmas, should I not post tomorrow. I have some prayers to say. I believe it will be a day of prayers.
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