.
.
And I haven't figured out my medicines yet. I am sleeping and awake more normally, but... It wasn't the simple part of the little bit of climbing, it was going over, under, and around branches, while climbing, that tested my muscles. A slow game of dodgeball, sort of. Some serious scrapes were had, as well. That bark has bite. Balancing while cutting, I would have thought, would have gotten me. But that seems not to be the case. It is all upper body soreness. It was enough of a test that my muscles were acting weird for the first day of recovery. Twitches. Muscles rarely used were exercised well. Today I get to help cart off most of the wood. I need to get a shower, then maybe lay out the wood, put some in a wheelbarrow, and set aside what I want to keep.
I am needing to sleep with the ac on. I suppose it might be cool enough that if I just open the windows, or use the fan on the device, that will work out well enough. It's just that thinking straight at bedtime is a no-starter sometimes. Not always. Gotta think about these things as I go, and sometimes ahead of time. Which... is exactly what I am doing.
Today? Other than wood work, I only hope to get my medicine on track again, again. I keep falling off, and worse, horse trading to stay on. I need to get this all set back up, and keep it there. No, it hasn't been the best summer. Spilled milk, though, as they say. Can't change that, but there is tomorrow. Today is a little rough. Tomorrow, proverbially, it is. Later.
Thursday, October 9, 2014
Wednesday, October 8, 2014
Ah-ha! That is why sleep was running short.
.
.
I should know this by now. Then again, sometimes it is more, or less, obvious. I didn't go down until well after 6:00 this morning. Which is fine, considering I am in a rolling sleep cycle thing. Not a choice, mind you, just an application of my reality. Odd how a woman can fix that, mostly, but I don't have one in my back pocket currently. Hmm, women fixed it even without medicine. That is odd. Never mind. I woke at about 11:00 or... something not good. Oh, I can live on that little of sleep, but it will bring me down. Quickly. Then it hit me. It was just a bit too warm. I need cool to sleep, below some threshold. If it gets above, even slightly above, some number... I am not even sure if it is a fixed number or if it is related to other health issues at the moment... then I can't sleep. If it gets too high, then my sleep becomes a feverish nightmare. Trauma dreams, and hell, visit and tear into me. Sometimes I have no choice, having no options and needing sleep so badly that... I got what I got. Now I have ac. Just a window unit, but it is enough. So I turned that on, though I skipped adding the fan as well as the temps were just bordering too much and I only wanted a short bit more sleep, not a freezer coma session. There are times for that, but this wasn't it. I finished my sleep and woke pleasantly just a bit ago. A few hours ago, that is.
I added some of the freshly thawed ham slices to my pot of beans and put that on to heat. I've been tinkering with this and that as well. I've been mostly on autopilot so far, and may remain that way. Stiff and sore, with a few burning scrapes to remind me that my efforts were real. I won't be doing anything too heavy, but I would like to hit a couple of things. The dryer lint cleaning, picking up recycling and stacking or even breaking down boxes, a meal, and... something else. I think I can get to it, I don't know if I will. Just because there is enough wiggle room doesn't mean I have the wiggle to go with it. Still, a plan is in play. Oh, a shower would be good, but that wasn't the other thing...
I am holding off on the computer until the hog I ordered comes in. That is a couple, two to three, months away. At the turn of the month, I will recheck my finances, and probably buy the wheat grinder. I also need to see if I have been paying my dues for this and that, between here and then. I have been rather... asleep at the wheel. These things can sneak up on me if I am not paying attention. Doesn't matter if you have every bill but one in order, that one can chew you up. Not awake, but working on it.
Later.
.
I should know this by now. Then again, sometimes it is more, or less, obvious. I didn't go down until well after 6:00 this morning. Which is fine, considering I am in a rolling sleep cycle thing. Not a choice, mind you, just an application of my reality. Odd how a woman can fix that, mostly, but I don't have one in my back pocket currently. Hmm, women fixed it even without medicine. That is odd. Never mind. I woke at about 11:00 or... something not good. Oh, I can live on that little of sleep, but it will bring me down. Quickly. Then it hit me. It was just a bit too warm. I need cool to sleep, below some threshold. If it gets above, even slightly above, some number... I am not even sure if it is a fixed number or if it is related to other health issues at the moment... then I can't sleep. If it gets too high, then my sleep becomes a feverish nightmare. Trauma dreams, and hell, visit and tear into me. Sometimes I have no choice, having no options and needing sleep so badly that... I got what I got. Now I have ac. Just a window unit, but it is enough. So I turned that on, though I skipped adding the fan as well as the temps were just bordering too much and I only wanted a short bit more sleep, not a freezer coma session. There are times for that, but this wasn't it. I finished my sleep and woke pleasantly just a bit ago. A few hours ago, that is.
I added some of the freshly thawed ham slices to my pot of beans and put that on to heat. I've been tinkering with this and that as well. I've been mostly on autopilot so far, and may remain that way. Stiff and sore, with a few burning scrapes to remind me that my efforts were real. I won't be doing anything too heavy, but I would like to hit a couple of things. The dryer lint cleaning, picking up recycling and stacking or even breaking down boxes, a meal, and... something else. I think I can get to it, I don't know if I will. Just because there is enough wiggle room doesn't mean I have the wiggle to go with it. Still, a plan is in play. Oh, a shower would be good, but that wasn't the other thing...
I am holding off on the computer until the hog I ordered comes in. That is a couple, two to three, months away. At the turn of the month, I will recheck my finances, and probably buy the wheat grinder. I also need to see if I have been paying my dues for this and that, between here and then. I have been rather... asleep at the wheel. These things can sneak up on me if I am not paying attention. Doesn't matter if you have every bill but one in order, that one can chew you up. Not awake, but working on it.
Later.
One of us was going down.
.
.
Even if it meant both of us would go down. And, to a degree, that is exactly what happened. Oh, I helped get those branches down. And then when down, chopped up. He did a lot of the work, to be sure, half plus. But that isn't the point. I did get out, I did get up, and I did saw. Now I know I can do more. I might be hitting some of the other tree limbs, here or there. Some in the same tree. Others in different types of threes. The other trees are different, not so easy to climb, and much higher on fewer branches. A little more rope security is probably needed. And some way to leverage the cut branches. It won't be pro, mind you. Hick, with some math, hope, engineering, and prayer.
I'm a bit torn up, sore, worn out. Exactly how I like it. If I could do this every day, I would. I really do like this. Perhaps different things on different days. Enough hits, scrapes, bruises, and such, and you do harden. I am weak, scratch easily, probably bruise easily. Then again, I hit it pretty hard when I can hit it. Ah, we will be taking most of the wood cuttings to a place where they share it out to those in need. I'll keep some, just to have fresh cuttings for emergency wood stores.
.
Even if it meant both of us would go down. And, to a degree, that is exactly what happened. Oh, I helped get those branches down. And then when down, chopped up. He did a lot of the work, to be sure, half plus. But that isn't the point. I did get out, I did get up, and I did saw. Now I know I can do more. I might be hitting some of the other tree limbs, here or there. Some in the same tree. Others in different types of threes. The other trees are different, not so easy to climb, and much higher on fewer branches. A little more rope security is probably needed. And some way to leverage the cut branches. It won't be pro, mind you. Hick, with some math, hope, engineering, and prayer.
I'm a bit torn up, sore, worn out. Exactly how I like it. If I could do this every day, I would. I really do like this. Perhaps different things on different days. Enough hits, scrapes, bruises, and such, and you do harden. I am weak, scratch easily, probably bruise easily. Then again, I hit it pretty hard when I can hit it. Ah, we will be taking most of the wood cuttings to a place where they share it out to those in need. I'll keep some, just to have fresh cuttings for emergency wood stores.
Tuesday, October 7, 2014
Ever seen a bear climb a tree?
.
.
I did, I did! Well, it was me, but that counts. I wasn't sure how to quite do it. My neighbor, the other neighbor, showed up. He looks like he had already wrestled a bear, a greasy one, like an engine. I felt bad making him do more work, so I tried to do my part. The ladder got us to the lower branches. From there on, it was old fashioned tree climbing. Sticky, scratchy, pokey, and a bit... demanding in a way. Keeping balance on twigs, lifting the next foot, grabbing that other branch. But, slowly, we climbed. No more than thirty or forty feet perhaps, but enough to know the ground was a long hard fall away. The chainsaw went with, hopscotching between carriers and branch cradles.
I was... impressed. Seriously, how many heart transplant potentiates do you see climbing trees, helping hoist a serious chainsaw, then cutting branches while perched precariously in the green and brown? The kid was tired and sore from a day of work, but he did it without effort. Or so it seemed. To be young is to... I don't know... have more than even you think? Something. A good dozen dead branches came down. It looks good. There were some, as noted at the end, much higher. But I didn't think I could squeeze through the branches to get to them, and thought what was done was enough. In the future I may, now that I know I can, shimmy my way up when I have a bit more breath. I won't be worn by lower branch work, and there are only a few. Perhaps with a rested demeanor, the squeeze won't look so tight.
And, it seems as if I was wrong. The wife didn't say no. These women, and men, are changing up and getting tricky on me, by doing pretty much what they seem to be thinking of doing! How can I go get suspicious if people do what they say?!? Ah well, at least I can still be paranoid. I don't put much faith in that, or much else of flesh. I'm just a hobbyist, at it, anymore, I suppose. But iffin you ever needs some tips, you know who to visit.
Supper arrived. It sounds good. I am hungry, and thirsty. Even with beans and ham for lunch. Boy I like to work. I'm going to really have to try to get out there again. I liked that. Risky, too! Later.
.
I did, I did! Well, it was me, but that counts. I wasn't sure how to quite do it. My neighbor, the other neighbor, showed up. He looks like he had already wrestled a bear, a greasy one, like an engine. I felt bad making him do more work, so I tried to do my part. The ladder got us to the lower branches. From there on, it was old fashioned tree climbing. Sticky, scratchy, pokey, and a bit... demanding in a way. Keeping balance on twigs, lifting the next foot, grabbing that other branch. But, slowly, we climbed. No more than thirty or forty feet perhaps, but enough to know the ground was a long hard fall away. The chainsaw went with, hopscotching between carriers and branch cradles.
I was... impressed. Seriously, how many heart transplant potentiates do you see climbing trees, helping hoist a serious chainsaw, then cutting branches while perched precariously in the green and brown? The kid was tired and sore from a day of work, but he did it without effort. Or so it seemed. To be young is to... I don't know... have more than even you think? Something. A good dozen dead branches came down. It looks good. There were some, as noted at the end, much higher. But I didn't think I could squeeze through the branches to get to them, and thought what was done was enough. In the future I may, now that I know I can, shimmy my way up when I have a bit more breath. I won't be worn by lower branch work, and there are only a few. Perhaps with a rested demeanor, the squeeze won't look so tight.
And, it seems as if I was wrong. The wife didn't say no. These women, and men, are changing up and getting tricky on me, by doing pretty much what they seem to be thinking of doing! How can I go get suspicious if people do what they say?!? Ah well, at least I can still be paranoid. I don't put much faith in that, or much else of flesh. I'm just a hobbyist, at it, anymore, I suppose. But iffin you ever needs some tips, you know who to visit.
Supper arrived. It sounds good. I am hungry, and thirsty. Even with beans and ham for lunch. Boy I like to work. I'm going to really have to try to get out there again. I liked that. Risky, too! Later.
Decided.
.
.
I believe I am going to upgrade my downgrade and just build one machine. The main reason for a first machine was trying to be cheap. Though it would have been nice to have a dedicated, off-line, gaming rig... I don't have that kind of money. My previous attempts at building a gaming rig were proving far too expensive. I kept hitting, I think, right at $2.5k. Too much. Even when I have it, I just won't do it. Even though I play, and compute, and blog, and browse, much of my time, I just... can't go over some points. When I was young and sure to be dead imminently, it didn't matter. My machines were $3.5k monsters, for their time. No more. A third of that makes me flinch.
With this machine, if it proves a bit weak in the near future, I have some upgrade capacity. Adding a second graphics board, RAM, even cooling, would be a snap, and rather affordable by that time. It won't beat top, or even serious second tier machines. But I don't need it to do so. Compared to even a new console, it cooks that. Plus, if I want to mess with mods, I can. Computer gaming is simply much better than console gaming. And it doesn't eat my television. I ought to get rid of that dinosaur. Then again, maybe I can figure out how to hook my television and computer up, so that I can... ruin the television this way! :) Damn kids.
I'll keep saving. The hope, after the fixes and upgrades on my home are done, is to get into solar power. Enough to run some lights and the computer. While the world burns, I can just... keep playing. With a minor refrigerator/freezer, enough stocks in this and that, a few firearms for those who might wish for what they could have but didn't choose and communal security, and popcorn. I really ought to get some more of that stocked up. Never mind, just some thoughts.
Doesn't look like the tree trimming will get done today. I'll have to try to do that on my own. I had asked him something. He was going to ask the wife. I was pretty sure what that meant, but... now I know. Don't worry. I knew that gig. It's, when I have had women, how I used to say "No.", without saying it, too. :) Dang kids. Think I don't know the score. Ha!
Later.
.
I believe I am going to upgrade my downgrade and just build one machine. The main reason for a first machine was trying to be cheap. Though it would have been nice to have a dedicated, off-line, gaming rig... I don't have that kind of money. My previous attempts at building a gaming rig were proving far too expensive. I kept hitting, I think, right at $2.5k. Too much. Even when I have it, I just won't do it. Even though I play, and compute, and blog, and browse, much of my time, I just... can't go over some points. When I was young and sure to be dead imminently, it didn't matter. My machines were $3.5k monsters, for their time. No more. A third of that makes me flinch.
With this machine, if it proves a bit weak in the near future, I have some upgrade capacity. Adding a second graphics board, RAM, even cooling, would be a snap, and rather affordable by that time. It won't beat top, or even serious second tier machines. But I don't need it to do so. Compared to even a new console, it cooks that. Plus, if I want to mess with mods, I can. Computer gaming is simply much better than console gaming. And it doesn't eat my television. I ought to get rid of that dinosaur. Then again, maybe I can figure out how to hook my television and computer up, so that I can... ruin the television this way! :) Damn kids.
I'll keep saving. The hope, after the fixes and upgrades on my home are done, is to get into solar power. Enough to run some lights and the computer. While the world burns, I can just... keep playing. With a minor refrigerator/freezer, enough stocks in this and that, a few firearms for those who might wish for what they could have but didn't choose and communal security, and popcorn. I really ought to get some more of that stocked up. Never mind, just some thoughts.
Doesn't look like the tree trimming will get done today. I'll have to try to do that on my own. I had asked him something. He was going to ask the wife. I was pretty sure what that meant, but... now I know. Don't worry. I knew that gig. It's, when I have had women, how I used to say "No.", without saying it, too. :) Dang kids. Think I don't know the score. Ha!
Later.
A laptop?
.
.
Well, it was a thought. Then I thought again. If I am going to build a desktop in the future, a higher tier one... and I hate laptops and would just be using it as a desktop... why... buy a laptop? Silly me. I guess it just seemed easy. After a bit of thinking, I believe I am simply going to buy, and build, a desktop, but a lessor one. I keep trying to pare, but every time I cut something back, I remember something else. I am overdoing my build, for what I want. And it will, even if I dump to just a dual core, be killer compared to this pentium IV. I think I only have a gig and an half of RAM. Bleh.
Yes, build my own. I don't want, nor need, nor like, laptops. Their keyboards are small and have no tactile grip, the monitors suck, and in all ways save portability, they are inferior to desktops. They are the McDonalds of the computer world. On the other hand, I prefer the real deal to the electronic, by far. A slider and fries, hold the laptop? Yeah. Plus, it will be good practice. So far, I have optimized down to $1k. But I want it lower. This will just be an internet tool, not a gaming platform. And yet I would like to, maybe, do a bit of gaming. Just to tinker. Maybe, if I optimize correctly, I will never build that massive machine, merely adding bits to this build.
So... I am looking at ways of not having to backtrack. Some of it will have to come and then go. RAM, for example. I need, currently, to buy 8 gigs, in a 2x4 configuration. But with a gaming rig, I would want, at least to start out, with 16 gigs in a 2x8 configuration. That will simply have to come and go. The motherboard is a thing of contention. Buying a very good board now, even if with a much lessor chip, might be best. Not quite, but nearing, the top of the line will allow for almost any upgrades I could want. As far as the case goes, I won't be doing triple or quad, but might do double graphics cards, into crossfire or sli configuration. The simple cost of triple or quad makes me not want to play. That is simply too much money, time, and effort tied up into a machine. I think I can go rather tame on the case. I really wanted a full size tower, but I won't be overclocking, at least not in a large way. Probably not at all with this first setup. And I won't be putting in six hard drives, two flash drives, and three blue-ray/dvd readers or read/writes. So a smaller case should do just fine. The only problem might be if, as I add things, heat becomes an issue. A smaller case can only do just so much. The problem is price. The case for the smaller build is more like $60, for a gaming rig, I'm looking at, starting, around $130 on up to $200. Then again, perhaps I could go skin on some of it, pricey on some, and mix and match in the future, to still have two complete machines. But transferring chips and motherboards and such gets ugly, fast. Though the graphics board and memory would be easy to switch.
The thing is, I had set an outside dollar marker at about $600-$800 for a laptop, in my previous thinking. I would like to hold to that as much as possible. I just have to think through components, what could be transfered, what will be cheaper, and much cheaper, in the near future. The choice is a gaming machine or a new console. The console would be cheaper, but it isn't upgradable, it is very expensive for what it offers, the gaming experience is sometimes limited by both the game maker and Sony (or Microsoft if you are a total sucker), and I think they are changing the rules, again, to favor themselves over my wants. Hey, I'm a gamer. It's part of what I do in life. I simply have to deal with it.
I'm thinking... I'm thinking... But I do know I will roll my own, get back into the tech field, and see where that leads. I almost am considering AMD, but I simply don't know where to even begin with that. While it would be less expensive, how much quality would be lost I don't know. Cheap comes with it's own costs. Bleh. Later.
.
Well, it was a thought. Then I thought again. If I am going to build a desktop in the future, a higher tier one... and I hate laptops and would just be using it as a desktop... why... buy a laptop? Silly me. I guess it just seemed easy. After a bit of thinking, I believe I am simply going to buy, and build, a desktop, but a lessor one. I keep trying to pare, but every time I cut something back, I remember something else. I am overdoing my build, for what I want. And it will, even if I dump to just a dual core, be killer compared to this pentium IV. I think I only have a gig and an half of RAM. Bleh.
Yes, build my own. I don't want, nor need, nor like, laptops. Their keyboards are small and have no tactile grip, the monitors suck, and in all ways save portability, they are inferior to desktops. They are the McDonalds of the computer world. On the other hand, I prefer the real deal to the electronic, by far. A slider and fries, hold the laptop? Yeah. Plus, it will be good practice. So far, I have optimized down to $1k. But I want it lower. This will just be an internet tool, not a gaming platform. And yet I would like to, maybe, do a bit of gaming. Just to tinker. Maybe, if I optimize correctly, I will never build that massive machine, merely adding bits to this build.
So... I am looking at ways of not having to backtrack. Some of it will have to come and then go. RAM, for example. I need, currently, to buy 8 gigs, in a 2x4 configuration. But with a gaming rig, I would want, at least to start out, with 16 gigs in a 2x8 configuration. That will simply have to come and go. The motherboard is a thing of contention. Buying a very good board now, even if with a much lessor chip, might be best. Not quite, but nearing, the top of the line will allow for almost any upgrades I could want. As far as the case goes, I won't be doing triple or quad, but might do double graphics cards, into crossfire or sli configuration. The simple cost of triple or quad makes me not want to play. That is simply too much money, time, and effort tied up into a machine. I think I can go rather tame on the case. I really wanted a full size tower, but I won't be overclocking, at least not in a large way. Probably not at all with this first setup. And I won't be putting in six hard drives, two flash drives, and three blue-ray/dvd readers or read/writes. So a smaller case should do just fine. The only problem might be if, as I add things, heat becomes an issue. A smaller case can only do just so much. The problem is price. The case for the smaller build is more like $60, for a gaming rig, I'm looking at, starting, around $130 on up to $200. Then again, perhaps I could go skin on some of it, pricey on some, and mix and match in the future, to still have two complete machines. But transferring chips and motherboards and such gets ugly, fast. Though the graphics board and memory would be easy to switch.
The thing is, I had set an outside dollar marker at about $600-$800 for a laptop, in my previous thinking. I would like to hold to that as much as possible. I just have to think through components, what could be transfered, what will be cheaper, and much cheaper, in the near future. The choice is a gaming machine or a new console. The console would be cheaper, but it isn't upgradable, it is very expensive for what it offers, the gaming experience is sometimes limited by both the game maker and Sony (or Microsoft if you are a total sucker), and I think they are changing the rules, again, to favor themselves over my wants. Hey, I'm a gamer. It's part of what I do in life. I simply have to deal with it.
I'm thinking... I'm thinking... But I do know I will roll my own, get back into the tech field, and see where that leads. I almost am considering AMD, but I simply don't know where to even begin with that. While it would be less expensive, how much quality would be lost I don't know. Cheap comes with it's own costs. Bleh. Later.
I had forgotten I had a plan in play.
.
.
I love it when I am doing for myself in spite of not knowing it. I put beans on to soak last night, or this morning, technically. Black beans, my favorite. I had ham slices out and ready, and have thawed more. The mixtures is just about perfect. I actually think adding kale might not be a bad touch. It's a matter of not knowing when I will be cooking, and even so, being to the store in such a way as to have fresh. Usually, even with onions and potatoes, when I remember and go to use them... it's a little... hrmm... late. Still, if I happen to get out in the next few days, I may see about buying a lot of the green leafy. I probably hated kale when I was a kid, even a younger man. Now? Now the stuff is almost as good as!?! Cabbage! Yeah! Shoot me now, I have become my grandfather! Then again, I don't think he was born that way either. :)
Don't know. Feeling pretty good. I have some things I want to do, and am a bit stuck, but I do have some things on schedule and a hope to a revitalization. It's not always fair, or fun, but then for folk like myself, that isn't part of the planning. I expect it to be harder unfairly just because of who I am, I expect enemies to attempt to trip me up even to my death if they can, I expect the worst and I still am pretty sure I will do more than what is possible. It isn't just people, but the environment, and my own flesh at times, that are against me. Remember... life is an anomaly, one the universe if it weren't for God, would seek to eliminate. Of all the matter that exists, such a vast minority of it is living, and an even vaster minority of that sentient, and an even smaller lot than that which chooses good over evil, that... we are miracles. I wish you could see these things as I have seen them. A saved soul is worth more than all the gold, gems, buildings, patents, that man can ever dream of having. Even so, do not expect the world or others to like, or treat you fairly, or such. Get on with it, and do what is right. Don't worry about that. Expect it. If it isn't fatal, file and forget. If there is a change of heart, forgive.
Oh, on to... more waking, then setting up medicine. Yes, yes. I think so. "Not fair!" Cool... Hehe. Later.
.
I love it when I am doing for myself in spite of not knowing it. I put beans on to soak last night, or this morning, technically. Black beans, my favorite. I had ham slices out and ready, and have thawed more. The mixtures is just about perfect. I actually think adding kale might not be a bad touch. It's a matter of not knowing when I will be cooking, and even so, being to the store in such a way as to have fresh. Usually, even with onions and potatoes, when I remember and go to use them... it's a little... hrmm... late. Still, if I happen to get out in the next few days, I may see about buying a lot of the green leafy. I probably hated kale when I was a kid, even a younger man. Now? Now the stuff is almost as good as!?! Cabbage! Yeah! Shoot me now, I have become my grandfather! Then again, I don't think he was born that way either. :)
Don't know. Feeling pretty good. I have some things I want to do, and am a bit stuck, but I do have some things on schedule and a hope to a revitalization. It's not always fair, or fun, but then for folk like myself, that isn't part of the planning. I expect it to be harder unfairly just because of who I am, I expect enemies to attempt to trip me up even to my death if they can, I expect the worst and I still am pretty sure I will do more than what is possible. It isn't just people, but the environment, and my own flesh at times, that are against me. Remember... life is an anomaly, one the universe if it weren't for God, would seek to eliminate. Of all the matter that exists, such a vast minority of it is living, and an even vaster minority of that sentient, and an even smaller lot than that which chooses good over evil, that... we are miracles. I wish you could see these things as I have seen them. A saved soul is worth more than all the gold, gems, buildings, patents, that man can ever dream of having. Even so, do not expect the world or others to like, or treat you fairly, or such. Get on with it, and do what is right. Don't worry about that. Expect it. If it isn't fatal, file and forget. If there is a change of heart, forgive.
Oh, on to... more waking, then setting up medicine. Yes, yes. I think so. "Not fair!" Cool... Hehe. Later.
Awake, and before noon.
.
.
Yeah, my cycles are pretty off. Oh well. I'll have to get this fixed as soon as possible. It won't be soon, and it isn't possible, but it may become such. I just have to grab the horns and guide them through windows as they appear. I do some interesting things sometimes, but understand, I do them blindly even so. Some think I am a simple normal. Take away the ability to hear, see, comprehend, or think... in the world... and, then you begin to understand. So if you see me out there, understand, it's not what it appears. But, do not worry. If such were going to be my end, even doing... unlikely things... such as white-water rafting... it would have happened long ago. What I can't avoid I seem imminently able to live through. And great fun is had, soon or late, from such events.
Still, I am awake, so I need to begin figuring out my day. Tree trimming, later. Perhaps another shower, tinkering on a project or two, oh and setting up and taking medicine. Hmm, that last first, I do believe, as soon as I am more than cognitively bordering on flatlining. Nothing is going on upstairs until the bypass circuitry is engaged, and the delays are overcome. Being mostly dead means conscious function takes time. Unconscious function can happen while rousted from sleep. Some things I know how to do better than a man should. Don't test that. It's possible why I don't remember some conflict. I wasn't even awake. Body did it's thing, sent me a memo. A God thing these days. Though, even when a free agent... I didn't stray from form, only... from capacity to understand it all while holding on to objective Truth. Faith was blind while actions were still sound, so it goes in the depths of bowels of hard realities, from time to time.
.
Yeah, my cycles are pretty off. Oh well. I'll have to get this fixed as soon as possible. It won't be soon, and it isn't possible, but it may become such. I just have to grab the horns and guide them through windows as they appear. I do some interesting things sometimes, but understand, I do them blindly even so. Some think I am a simple normal. Take away the ability to hear, see, comprehend, or think... in the world... and, then you begin to understand. So if you see me out there, understand, it's not what it appears. But, do not worry. If such were going to be my end, even doing... unlikely things... such as white-water rafting... it would have happened long ago. What I can't avoid I seem imminently able to live through. And great fun is had, soon or late, from such events.
Still, I am awake, so I need to begin figuring out my day. Tree trimming, later. Perhaps another shower, tinkering on a project or two, oh and setting up and taking medicine. Hmm, that last first, I do believe, as soon as I am more than cognitively bordering on flatlining. Nothing is going on upstairs until the bypass circuitry is engaged, and the delays are overcome. Being mostly dead means conscious function takes time. Unconscious function can happen while rousted from sleep. Some things I know how to do better than a man should. Don't test that. It's possible why I don't remember some conflict. I wasn't even awake. Body did it's thing, sent me a memo. A God thing these days. Though, even when a free agent... I didn't stray from form, only... from capacity to understand it all while holding on to objective Truth. Faith was blind while actions were still sound, so it goes in the depths of bowels of hard realities, from time to time.
Dreams?
.
.
Probably. Good omens, odd portents, strange things, in life. No reason not to see them displayed while I sleep. Though, good is not always what it seem, or without cost. And portents... well... a man does not become strong in order to live a mild life. If you can, then you must when called upon to do what is right. No gift comes without dues. How the dreams might, or might, feed upon knowledge, sight, or happenstance is not for any to know.
.
Probably. Good omens, odd portents, strange things, in life. No reason not to see them displayed while I sleep. Though, good is not always what it seem, or without cost. And portents... well... a man does not become strong in order to live a mild life. If you can, then you must when called upon to do what is right. No gift comes without dues. How the dreams might, or might, feed upon knowledge, sight, or happenstance is not for any to know.
Monday, October 6, 2014
Careful with that shard.
.
.
It was once a lordly, perhaps divine, weapon. As with all things, time and use eventually cost wholeness so that only parts remain. The once solid blade now resides as chunks of metal, wood, and adornments. Aye, but some of those pieces maintain an unearthly sharpness. Tend them in the name of nostalgia, in honor of their deeds, or for whatever reasons are found to be noble, but with care. The will, of course, isn't in the pieces or memory, but in the care tendered, and those who do so.
Dreams of a beautiful death denied, and end of an era personally, professionally, and politically. Another world and time, when men did what they should, and when leaders were sane enough to know good from evil. Those leaders who believed in good defeated those who were weaker forms of evil. It wasn't simple, even in those days. Some evil had to be simply watched, for going after all evil can blind a good eye and turn it to just another form of evil. So it is in life, it is in war and politics, even in love.
Slated to die, an assumption already made. Of the many swords sent out to never return, a standard issue of my sort. The only one of my lot that did return, but not whole. Encased in glass, held as honorable, but with no interest in such for most of my time. I have done what I could to return to be with the other lost weapons. Failing that, I have surrendered to existing as is. But, I have done what I may to ensure I am not... loved for what I am not. Yes, that is why, with the stories of gore and glory, I also make sure to add the human, the mistaken, the wrong. False idols, false flags, I will have none of it. Even if I must make you choke on thoughts you would rather not consider. A weapon, indeed. And to this day. Be careful. Just let me be. No dues are owed that have not been paid in full, and then some. A shame to my nature. With the givens, it is what must be.
And yet, I do dream of that beautiful death. I did find it, you know. Not just a combat death, but an artistic and tragic one. Not alone in it. I shared with the taker of my life the loss of his life and his brothers as well. Whether he was cheated, as I was, I do not know. But I remember the look on his face as we parted, both to go to our deaths after sharing our beautiful moment. A pained look, an ashen face, a blur, and we danced no more together. Russian, most likely. When I woke from the remnants of his death gift, things changed. It is a new world when you go and come back. And so it was, and the beginning of the shattering of the blade I once was.
Good day.
.
It was once a lordly, perhaps divine, weapon. As with all things, time and use eventually cost wholeness so that only parts remain. The once solid blade now resides as chunks of metal, wood, and adornments. Aye, but some of those pieces maintain an unearthly sharpness. Tend them in the name of nostalgia, in honor of their deeds, or for whatever reasons are found to be noble, but with care. The will, of course, isn't in the pieces or memory, but in the care tendered, and those who do so.
Dreams of a beautiful death denied, and end of an era personally, professionally, and politically. Another world and time, when men did what they should, and when leaders were sane enough to know good from evil. Those leaders who believed in good defeated those who were weaker forms of evil. It wasn't simple, even in those days. Some evil had to be simply watched, for going after all evil can blind a good eye and turn it to just another form of evil. So it is in life, it is in war and politics, even in love.
Slated to die, an assumption already made. Of the many swords sent out to never return, a standard issue of my sort. The only one of my lot that did return, but not whole. Encased in glass, held as honorable, but with no interest in such for most of my time. I have done what I could to return to be with the other lost weapons. Failing that, I have surrendered to existing as is. But, I have done what I may to ensure I am not... loved for what I am not. Yes, that is why, with the stories of gore and glory, I also make sure to add the human, the mistaken, the wrong. False idols, false flags, I will have none of it. Even if I must make you choke on thoughts you would rather not consider. A weapon, indeed. And to this day. Be careful. Just let me be. No dues are owed that have not been paid in full, and then some. A shame to my nature. With the givens, it is what must be.
And yet, I do dream of that beautiful death. I did find it, you know. Not just a combat death, but an artistic and tragic one. Not alone in it. I shared with the taker of my life the loss of his life and his brothers as well. Whether he was cheated, as I was, I do not know. But I remember the look on his face as we parted, both to go to our deaths after sharing our beautiful moment. A pained look, an ashen face, a blur, and we danced no more together. Russian, most likely. When I woke from the remnants of his death gift, things changed. It is a new world when you go and come back. And so it was, and the beginning of the shattering of the blade I once was.
Good day.
Well, it was a thought.
.
.
I'm still not sure which day I received the call that let me know I had an appointment tomorrow. Wednesday, most likely. I called back right that day but the phone centers were down. I fumbled the rest of the week, somehow thinking it was Saturday both Thursday and Friday... somehow. Oh well. I meant, then, to make it to the post box over the real weekend, but wasn't able to get my act together. I will try to do that next last best thing, call in the morning to let them know I won't be in, and reschedule. Crazy, but it's what happens when life is so sketchy, medicines become hit and miss, and all else seems to have misfired that can.
I checked my wallet. It looks fat. A good time to... wait. Next month I will go ahead and order the wheat grinder. After that, I'll store up for some work on the cave. I am sure thinking about purchasing a new computer. Probably a laptop of some sort. Just something inexpensive, but new enough that it will work for years, preferably in win 7. Something for internet and such. As well, I will begin looking at components to build a gaming computer next spring, perhaps. It won't see the internet. It won't get updates the bugger things up, it won't receive anything online. I may epoxy the internet connection from the motherboard. All updates will be obtained on the laptop, checked for viruses and such, and then applied via thumb drives. From updates messing with things, to hackers, to everything else, a machine off the grid is the way to go these days. Hmm, I may look to see if win 7 can still be obtained somehow. I won't need to broken patches and such, just the core.
Actually, I am not sure I will make it to morning to call. I still need to get the recycling and trash out. Not sure that will happen. Cooked, baked, fried. Not doing well. I did bother to make egg burritos again. Pretty bland, even with hot sauce... my hot sauce... habanero stuff. Bland. Though, in my current condition, a ribeye might actually seem bland. Well, I wouldn't go that far. The idea holds though. Food just doesn't taste good.
Tomorrow I will reset my medicine sets. I was taking them hopscotch from missed days. It's too easy to lose track that way though. Yeah, I'll figure it all out. Sooner or later. Gah! *zzz* Yeah, I'm not going to make it to morning, and there is no one to call now. I doubt if I'll be able to manage another hour awake. You are watching Doom doing everything he can but in an impossible situation. There is nothing to do but try to remember to call in and see who it was with, and when we can reschedule. I have another one coming up in the middle of the month. Hopefully, by then, I will be in shape to get there and do that. I do try. The docs actually have been helping. It's worth my time, if I have the choice.
Good night.
.
I'm still not sure which day I received the call that let me know I had an appointment tomorrow. Wednesday, most likely. I called back right that day but the phone centers were down. I fumbled the rest of the week, somehow thinking it was Saturday both Thursday and Friday... somehow. Oh well. I meant, then, to make it to the post box over the real weekend, but wasn't able to get my act together. I will try to do that next last best thing, call in the morning to let them know I won't be in, and reschedule. Crazy, but it's what happens when life is so sketchy, medicines become hit and miss, and all else seems to have misfired that can.
I checked my wallet. It looks fat. A good time to... wait. Next month I will go ahead and order the wheat grinder. After that, I'll store up for some work on the cave. I am sure thinking about purchasing a new computer. Probably a laptop of some sort. Just something inexpensive, but new enough that it will work for years, preferably in win 7. Something for internet and such. As well, I will begin looking at components to build a gaming computer next spring, perhaps. It won't see the internet. It won't get updates the bugger things up, it won't receive anything online. I may epoxy the internet connection from the motherboard. All updates will be obtained on the laptop, checked for viruses and such, and then applied via thumb drives. From updates messing with things, to hackers, to everything else, a machine off the grid is the way to go these days. Hmm, I may look to see if win 7 can still be obtained somehow. I won't need to broken patches and such, just the core.
Actually, I am not sure I will make it to morning to call. I still need to get the recycling and trash out. Not sure that will happen. Cooked, baked, fried. Not doing well. I did bother to make egg burritos again. Pretty bland, even with hot sauce... my hot sauce... habanero stuff. Bland. Though, in my current condition, a ribeye might actually seem bland. Well, I wouldn't go that far. The idea holds though. Food just doesn't taste good.
Tomorrow I will reset my medicine sets. I was taking them hopscotch from missed days. It's too easy to lose track that way though. Yeah, I'll figure it all out. Sooner or later. Gah! *zzz* Yeah, I'm not going to make it to morning, and there is no one to call now. I doubt if I'll be able to manage another hour awake. You are watching Doom doing everything he can but in an impossible situation. There is nothing to do but try to remember to call in and see who it was with, and when we can reschedule. I have another one coming up in the middle of the month. Hopefully, by then, I will be in shape to get there and do that. I do try. The docs actually have been helping. It's worth my time, if I have the choice.
Good night.
Sunday, October 5, 2014
Odd dreams, weird sleep, and surprises.
.
.
No idea what all happened. Sleep was like a surfing trip gone the way of noobs on the waves. When I wasn't seemingly spinning out of control, left to right or head over heels, I was upside down or under water. Hey, no complaints. That's my gig. It's what I do, loved to do anyway, until I broke. Lord knows, unless you have rocks for bones, a thick skull, an cast iron stomach, and balls of various metals, you shouldn't go out and play with Doom. Friend or foe matters little. I play hard. I'm still amazed just play didn't kill me. Work was worse, but I was serious about it, mostly. "Get that damn smirk off your face, Doom! That coulda been a career ender! ~ "I know!" *grins* Ah well.
I dreamed all throughout, it seemed. The only thing I recall was backhanding folk. I have used it, in serious situations, about nine times, or so the dream told me. Mostly against surprise attacks. It is a beautiful, elegant, and swift manner of dealing with, essentially, a bum's rush. I breaks the lead or leads, stuns the assailant(s), and allows time to grab a defensive or offensive stance, depending on what looks most likely to succeed. No time to consider which, instinct and experience will guide the thing. As well, the backhand can be happily used on friends who have gone way over the line. No real harm or foul, but a definite indication of limits. Hmm, I guess I didn't dream about the two times I have received such. It 'do' tend to get ones attention and cause one to... retool... rethink what one was doing or saying. *bam!* If done by someone respected, it is accepted. Grudgingly, perhaps, at first. But time allows wisdom, well, and the reset counter. *BAM!* Like I said, it doesn't hurt, not all that much. It's the... notion of the thing. Actually, the bible discusses when and how to deal with some people and situations using just such. Oh? Don't believe your friendly Doom? Go, see, and be humbled. *Bam!* :)
I kept trying to wake, but it seemed so dark, so late, that I became... chagrined. I didn't want to look at the time. It seemed that it must be either way past afternoon and into early twilight, or overcast. Neither of which was I prepared to handle. So, back to sleep. Two or three pseudo wakings, like the groundhog, but seeing it's shadow so scurrying back to slumbering. There was some forms of guilt and shame, and sleep, it seemed, allowed me some temporary cover. I knew it could not last, so started steeling myself for the eventual rise and price. Even so, it took to rounds before I finally accepted fate. I went to bed around... 3:30, 4:00, give or take.
Finally, I was... set to just take what of the day was to be had, consequences, the reasonable, the unreasonable. At first I walked out into my cave world and... couldn't get a fix on what, exactly, this life stuff is all about. What, exactly, is it, that I am supposed to do? Bathroom, of course. That's always a good place to... get a handle on things. Sorry ladies, just a man's thing in this instance. While in there, since flow is limited, there is time to gather wits and dispel gloom? Something like that. I still simply returned to the bedroom to try to find my cause célèbre(s) du jour. It, or they, weren't there. But I didn't notice the clock. Just a wee after noon?
Gah! I had spent the last half of my sleep long in the mouth because I thought I had missed some things and blown a day! And, after it all, I was awake about exactly when I thought I should have been. Never mind. Foolishness. I'll figure it out before long. Though, truth be told, until the day I die I will stumble blindly on nothing, from time to time. And, for more truth be told, I sort of... enjoy it now and again. Keeps me humble. And the Lord knows I need that.
Well, on to... something. Later.
.
No idea what all happened. Sleep was like a surfing trip gone the way of noobs on the waves. When I wasn't seemingly spinning out of control, left to right or head over heels, I was upside down or under water. Hey, no complaints. That's my gig. It's what I do, loved to do anyway, until I broke. Lord knows, unless you have rocks for bones, a thick skull, an cast iron stomach, and balls of various metals, you shouldn't go out and play with Doom. Friend or foe matters little. I play hard. I'm still amazed just play didn't kill me. Work was worse, but I was serious about it, mostly. "Get that damn smirk off your face, Doom! That coulda been a career ender! ~ "I know!" *grins* Ah well.
I dreamed all throughout, it seemed. The only thing I recall was backhanding folk. I have used it, in serious situations, about nine times, or so the dream told me. Mostly against surprise attacks. It is a beautiful, elegant, and swift manner of dealing with, essentially, a bum's rush. I breaks the lead or leads, stuns the assailant(s), and allows time to grab a defensive or offensive stance, depending on what looks most likely to succeed. No time to consider which, instinct and experience will guide the thing. As well, the backhand can be happily used on friends who have gone way over the line. No real harm or foul, but a definite indication of limits. Hmm, I guess I didn't dream about the two times I have received such. It 'do' tend to get ones attention and cause one to... retool... rethink what one was doing or saying. *bam!* If done by someone respected, it is accepted. Grudgingly, perhaps, at first. But time allows wisdom, well, and the reset counter. *BAM!* Like I said, it doesn't hurt, not all that much. It's the... notion of the thing. Actually, the bible discusses when and how to deal with some people and situations using just such. Oh? Don't believe your friendly Doom? Go, see, and be humbled. *Bam!* :)
I kept trying to wake, but it seemed so dark, so late, that I became... chagrined. I didn't want to look at the time. It seemed that it must be either way past afternoon and into early twilight, or overcast. Neither of which was I prepared to handle. So, back to sleep. Two or three pseudo wakings, like the groundhog, but seeing it's shadow so scurrying back to slumbering. There was some forms of guilt and shame, and sleep, it seemed, allowed me some temporary cover. I knew it could not last, so started steeling myself for the eventual rise and price. Even so, it took to rounds before I finally accepted fate. I went to bed around... 3:30, 4:00, give or take.
Finally, I was... set to just take what of the day was to be had, consequences, the reasonable, the unreasonable. At first I walked out into my cave world and... couldn't get a fix on what, exactly, this life stuff is all about. What, exactly, is it, that I am supposed to do? Bathroom, of course. That's always a good place to... get a handle on things. Sorry ladies, just a man's thing in this instance. While in there, since flow is limited, there is time to gather wits and dispel gloom? Something like that. I still simply returned to the bedroom to try to find my cause célèbre(s) du jour. It, or they, weren't there. But I didn't notice the clock. Just a wee after noon?
Gah! I had spent the last half of my sleep long in the mouth because I thought I had missed some things and blown a day! And, after it all, I was awake about exactly when I thought I should have been. Never mind. Foolishness. I'll figure it out before long. Though, truth be told, until the day I die I will stumble blindly on nothing, from time to time. And, for more truth be told, I sort of... enjoy it now and again. Keeps me humble. And the Lord knows I need that.
Well, on to... something. Later.
Breakfast burritos at midnight and bedtime.
.
.
Sleep is just off. I guess, whatever. Being hungry though, needed an answer. Some bacon, then eggs scrambled in the pan, a few tortillas, and a glass of milk. Oh, I had just a bit of cheese left, which always adds to the meal. I wish I could keep onions in stock. Fresh diced onions add a ton of flavor and texture. Still, no complaints. Well... maybe that I ate just a bit too much. But from where I am standing, that isn't, technically, a complaint! Rarely do I get the chance to overeat. Either I can't, or it isn't available. When all food tastes like sawdust... And yet I do try to eat, when it is available.
The shower has made me famously popular with the girls. Cats, that is. They love it when I shower. Heck, they were fighting over who got to set on the back of my chair. Sassy actually has snuggled in, and simply "forgot" Sam might want a shot at the old man. I love having petable neckwarmers. A few pets and they turn into purring muscle relaxing vibrators. My girls purr like boat motor engines! Sassy, I just found out tonight, and oddly... snores! I had to laugh. I tried, and succeeded, in not waking her while laughing. But... it caught me so off-guard. Cats snore? Wow. Now, on the rare occasions I do so, I won't feel so badly.
Weird. Saturday, now Sunday? It... feels like I am into the week. My sleep is sort of normal, mostly. Staying awake a bit longer, I think, but sleeping, mostly, about eight hours a sleep cycle. And, yet, each day feels like two. I lose, or add, days in there. This last week has seemed like three weeks, somehow. Never mind, I'll get it back in order as soon as I can. I am still working on prepping to finish the game. I could just go on, but I am trying to have everything I will need for the next playthrough, and not have to mess with the tedious when difficulty is ramped up. It is sort of annoying. I guess I never considered myself to be detail oriented, but when it comes right down to it, I am. When I tell others to just do it, I have often forgotten just how much I did to get to the point where I seemingly "just do it". Oh well.
Good night. Yeah, it's still night, just at 3:46, so... Too late for early, not morning to be sure. No other way to put it. *zzz*
.
Sleep is just off. I guess, whatever. Being hungry though, needed an answer. Some bacon, then eggs scrambled in the pan, a few tortillas, and a glass of milk. Oh, I had just a bit of cheese left, which always adds to the meal. I wish I could keep onions in stock. Fresh diced onions add a ton of flavor and texture. Still, no complaints. Well... maybe that I ate just a bit too much. But from where I am standing, that isn't, technically, a complaint! Rarely do I get the chance to overeat. Either I can't, or it isn't available. When all food tastes like sawdust... And yet I do try to eat, when it is available.
The shower has made me famously popular with the girls. Cats, that is. They love it when I shower. Heck, they were fighting over who got to set on the back of my chair. Sassy actually has snuggled in, and simply "forgot" Sam might want a shot at the old man. I love having petable neckwarmers. A few pets and they turn into purring muscle relaxing vibrators. My girls purr like boat motor engines! Sassy, I just found out tonight, and oddly... snores! I had to laugh. I tried, and succeeded, in not waking her while laughing. But... it caught me so off-guard. Cats snore? Wow. Now, on the rare occasions I do so, I won't feel so badly.
Weird. Saturday, now Sunday? It... feels like I am into the week. My sleep is sort of normal, mostly. Staying awake a bit longer, I think, but sleeping, mostly, about eight hours a sleep cycle. And, yet, each day feels like two. I lose, or add, days in there. This last week has seemed like three weeks, somehow. Never mind, I'll get it back in order as soon as I can. I am still working on prepping to finish the game. I could just go on, but I am trying to have everything I will need for the next playthrough, and not have to mess with the tedious when difficulty is ramped up. It is sort of annoying. I guess I never considered myself to be detail oriented, but when it comes right down to it, I am. When I tell others to just do it, I have often forgotten just how much I did to get to the point where I seemingly "just do it". Oh well.
Good night. Yeah, it's still night, just at 3:46, so... Too late for early, not morning to be sure. No other way to put it. *zzz*
Saturday, October 4, 2014
Can't sleep.
.
.
Somewhere near morn's light and I am still awake. It's not gaming, I see. I think I stopped playing at... 22:00? Perhaps 23:30. No. I am actually considering just playing more, since sleep will not happen. The girls are a bit perturbed. They like a rest time, of darkness and quiet. Something that doesn't exist while I yet wake. I can't do much about it, not in my hands to change some things. It's icky, but... Some days, or nights is it?, are like that.
.
Somewhere near morn's light and I am still awake. It's not gaming, I see. I think I stopped playing at... 22:00? Perhaps 23:30. No. I am actually considering just playing more, since sleep will not happen. The girls are a bit perturbed. They like a rest time, of darkness and quiet. Something that doesn't exist while I yet wake. I can't do much about it, not in my hands to change some things. It's icky, but... Some days, or nights is it?, are like that.
Friday, October 3, 2014
Twisting in the wind.
.
.
Perhaps starting medicine up has thrown things off? Since starting it back up my mornings have slipped to early afternoons, and counting. This is pretty potent stuff though, so... yeah. With new insulin in, I have switched to a new vial this month, at a slightly reduced dose due to the age of the old one. I suppose a confluence of events have lead me to allowing myself to be eaten by gaming. Couldn't do much else, so... I have done as much exploring as warring in the game. I like to figure out not just how, but why. Not so much the story line, that is, supposedly, hidden in the game. But it doesn't effect the why. And, if you know anything about stories, you know that they are based as much on the teller's perspective as anything else. They must be deciphered, and compared with contrasting 'testimony' to provide a fuller notion of the truth. As well, some understanding of the story teller must be obtained through interaction in order to gauge veracity, and some other things. That isn't really provided, so, to me, the story is... not of much use, at least in this game. I, personally, have worked to allow you some of that here. And yet, often, you may just have to go along for the ride, or get off before the twists and turns burn your mind or soul. You do need to be at least "^" this tall to ride.
Just a bit sore today, and yesterday, maybe the day before. Minor aches. Bone, seeming, with some slight muscle ache along for the ride. All good though. I've definitely had worse. I like these little pains, they remind me that I am alive.
I have been keeping up on the girls, I have been eating something every day, when I figured out medicine had been sidelined, I picked that back up and am on track with it. Essentially, I am doing quite well for not doing very well. I won't complain. A shower... however... would be a kindness indeed. I am figuring out how to face the world enough to make that happen, hopefully today. I have some other things I would like to do as well. Hmm... bacon and eggs later? Sure! Oh, I have been told I have an appointment soon. I tried to call Thursday, but completely forgot Friday. I'll... have to check the mail, to see if I received a card. I received a call, but it didn't say with who, or when. I can't be there if I don't know that information. I know I have something the mid-month, but this? It'll be hell being there, if it is early, but I'll do my best(est).
Well... on to the day. I suspect, when I get these two toons through the game, which will be a bit yet as there is much prep, but... when I do, I can relax on gaming and take my foot off the gas. I'm a game sprinter. Or... I game like I used to drink. Once started, the idea was to hit it hard and go until it was done. Burn, baby... Actually, I hit everything like that. Work, academia... women. Thankfully, for the most part in life, I have... learned to moderate in most things. Only, when I am ill, a certain variety of it anyway, and hit this... I get stuck in overdrive. *zoom-zoom*
Later.
.
Perhaps starting medicine up has thrown things off? Since starting it back up my mornings have slipped to early afternoons, and counting. This is pretty potent stuff though, so... yeah. With new insulin in, I have switched to a new vial this month, at a slightly reduced dose due to the age of the old one. I suppose a confluence of events have lead me to allowing myself to be eaten by gaming. Couldn't do much else, so... I have done as much exploring as warring in the game. I like to figure out not just how, but why. Not so much the story line, that is, supposedly, hidden in the game. But it doesn't effect the why. And, if you know anything about stories, you know that they are based as much on the teller's perspective as anything else. They must be deciphered, and compared with contrasting 'testimony' to provide a fuller notion of the truth. As well, some understanding of the story teller must be obtained through interaction in order to gauge veracity, and some other things. That isn't really provided, so, to me, the story is... not of much use, at least in this game. I, personally, have worked to allow you some of that here. And yet, often, you may just have to go along for the ride, or get off before the twists and turns burn your mind or soul. You do need to be at least "^" this tall to ride.
Just a bit sore today, and yesterday, maybe the day before. Minor aches. Bone, seeming, with some slight muscle ache along for the ride. All good though. I've definitely had worse. I like these little pains, they remind me that I am alive.
I have been keeping up on the girls, I have been eating something every day, when I figured out medicine had been sidelined, I picked that back up and am on track with it. Essentially, I am doing quite well for not doing very well. I won't complain. A shower... however... would be a kindness indeed. I am figuring out how to face the world enough to make that happen, hopefully today. I have some other things I would like to do as well. Hmm... bacon and eggs later? Sure! Oh, I have been told I have an appointment soon. I tried to call Thursday, but completely forgot Friday. I'll... have to check the mail, to see if I received a card. I received a call, but it didn't say with who, or when. I can't be there if I don't know that information. I know I have something the mid-month, but this? It'll be hell being there, if it is early, but I'll do my best(est).
Well... on to the day. I suspect, when I get these two toons through the game, which will be a bit yet as there is much prep, but... when I do, I can relax on gaming and take my foot off the gas. I'm a game sprinter. Or... I game like I used to drink. Once started, the idea was to hit it hard and go until it was done. Burn, baby... Actually, I hit everything like that. Work, academia... women. Thankfully, for the most part in life, I have... learned to moderate in most things. Only, when I am ill, a certain variety of it anyway, and hit this... I get stuck in overdrive. *zoom-zoom*
Later.
Music, her, and some thoughts.
.
.
Thinking, lately. Dreaming too. I played a song not too long ago which... kept coming up and troubling me. Aye, deeply. Finally I thought it through. Mostly.
.
Thinking, lately. Dreaming too. I played a song not too long ago which... kept coming up and troubling me. Aye, deeply. Finally I thought it through. Mostly.
Thursday, October 2, 2014
Finally.
.
.
Took all day to level the caster to have enough hit points to survive the confrontation. Probably went a bit overboard, but... Added some "breath" too. But now it takes too much to level. Not possible, or reasonable more like it, at this point in the game. Now I just need to get each 'toon ready for the end of this game, and the start of the next game. Store up on 'in game vittles', kill a few last remaining for improvements, and just do a clean and sweep before killing the final boss, and preparing for a new game. In the new game I get to keep almost everything. But the enemies hit a lot harder, but drop more loot. You can play games where it gets harder, each time, up to seven times... then it stays at that level from then on. Though... I would have to guess that burnout has to happen rather quickly.
I have my characters up to level 140~150. Which sounds good, unless you realize that you can go to level 700 plus in the game. Bleh. Unless they drop a lot more loot, I don't know how much more leveling I will really end up doing. That'll burn out your bean. But, for today, I am done. Leveling like that burned me right out. Absolutely mind-numbingly boring repetition. But... I did what I wanted. I am so burned out that I just want to push on through to the end, but... that doesn't work well, so I will just quit for the night and see what tomorrow brings. I can't imagine the people who play this and only get an hour or two a day with which to play.
Good night.
.
Took all day to level the caster to have enough hit points to survive the confrontation. Probably went a bit overboard, but... Added some "breath" too. But now it takes too much to level. Not possible, or reasonable more like it, at this point in the game. Now I just need to get each 'toon ready for the end of this game, and the start of the next game. Store up on 'in game vittles', kill a few last remaining for improvements, and just do a clean and sweep before killing the final boss, and preparing for a new game. In the new game I get to keep almost everything. But the enemies hit a lot harder, but drop more loot. You can play games where it gets harder, each time, up to seven times... then it stays at that level from then on. Though... I would have to guess that burnout has to happen rather quickly.
I have my characters up to level 140~150. Which sounds good, unless you realize that you can go to level 700 plus in the game. Bleh. Unless they drop a lot more loot, I don't know how much more leveling I will really end up doing. That'll burn out your bean. But, for today, I am done. Leveling like that burned me right out. Absolutely mind-numbingly boring repetition. But... I did what I wanted. I am so burned out that I just want to push on through to the end, but... that doesn't work well, so I will just quit for the night and see what tomorrow brings. I can't imagine the people who play this and only get an hour or two a day with which to play.
Good night.
Leveling a 'toon is no fun.
.
.
The trick is to find an area that yields the greatest desired product in the least amount of time, and do it repeatedly until the desired number of product are obtained. At the level of my 'toon, cartoon if your are curious... a nickname for characters in games, it takes a very large number of repetitions. I take breaks once in a while. Usually just abandoning the game altogether. This part of the thing is murderously boring. I would like to say I am half way through, but I can't quite say that. As I use the "product", the next level costs more, so it's a moving target. I didn't do the math before hand, and haven't been watching exactly. I think I have moved up nine levels, and was going to do another eleven, plus five, plus one, so... seventeen. I decided to only go up another 12 levels. So... considering... inflation... I am about a third done. I can skip the singe level, but I really can't skip the others. So... grind.
A bit more to eat, a little longer rest, then some coffee, time to digest dinner, then back to it. This game, in some ways, is like life. If you want it, you can have it, but you WILL pay for it. Nothing, and I mean nothing, is for free. Time isn't enough. You have to put skin into the game. Some of it you will lose. Whether muscle, mind, conscience, and other things, you will pay. The hope is that you can live with what it takes until you can automate the process and let others do the work for less pay but more surety, and just glide. Unfortunately, with games, there is no easy way. I may try the boss after six more levels. Either way, I still want to get another five levels after that attempt. Bleh. Later.
.
The trick is to find an area that yields the greatest desired product in the least amount of time, and do it repeatedly until the desired number of product are obtained. At the level of my 'toon, cartoon if your are curious... a nickname for characters in games, it takes a very large number of repetitions. I take breaks once in a while. Usually just abandoning the game altogether. This part of the thing is murderously boring. I would like to say I am half way through, but I can't quite say that. As I use the "product", the next level costs more, so it's a moving target. I didn't do the math before hand, and haven't been watching exactly. I think I have moved up nine levels, and was going to do another eleven, plus five, plus one, so... seventeen. I decided to only go up another 12 levels. So... considering... inflation... I am about a third done. I can skip the singe level, but I really can't skip the others. So... grind.
A bit more to eat, a little longer rest, then some coffee, time to digest dinner, then back to it. This game, in some ways, is like life. If you want it, you can have it, but you WILL pay for it. Nothing, and I mean nothing, is for free. Time isn't enough. You have to put skin into the game. Some of it you will lose. Whether muscle, mind, conscience, and other things, you will pay. The hope is that you can live with what it takes until you can automate the process and let others do the work for less pay but more surety, and just glide. Unfortunately, with games, there is no easy way. I may try the boss after six more levels. Either way, I still want to get another five levels after that attempt. Bleh. Later.
Back to dragon slaying.
.
.
When introduced to a problem that seems insoluble, I stop and think. I look at what others suggest. I compare that to my experiences. I look for those who have used the same methods that I use, looking for what they are doing, or have, that is different. I also look at those who are using things I don't have or haven't used or tried. I do know what my problem is. This particular character has too little health. It also has too little "breath", but I have learned to manage that. Actually, I have learned to mitigate the health weaknesses on other bosses and situations quite well. This fight is different. I may simply have to build up health first. My techniques are... impressive. Simply, the window for error recovery is too slim. And errors will be made. They can't be, as with other bosses, skipped. I have room for one error, and that isn't enough. When this boss realizes you are on the ropes, he becomes excessively aggressive, allowing no chance to recover. Trust me, I have tried numerous times. I am surprised I was able to get the tail. But, then, I learned how to bait a very specific attack. And then learned how to strike at an extremity and then roll out. To win, I would have to roll in. And that is where I get into trouble.
I can't believe I started this game with a caster type, thinking that would be easier. Well, I suspected it wasn't, but I... liked some of the offerings there. It did make bringing a character in, on the warrior side of things, a cakewalk. I have died on only a few bosses, with the second character. And I have gotten to a similar level in half the hours... though some of it is having a better idea where to go, and using some of the shortcuts in the game more efficiently. No, they build shortcuts in, so that after some point, you don't have to chew old dirt to get to the payday. But until you know where you are, where they are, and where they can get you, you waste a lot of time doing double duty on old dirt, regaining what is unnecessary to win again.
This game is demanding, but it isn't difficult after a few efforts and learning what works and what doesn't. It is highly, though not completely, mathematical. Not just the application, but the theory. If you know a + 3b=17 means a = 5 and b = 4, that's good. But if you know why, the theory, then the Xa + Yb = Z makes sense every time. A fish, or fishing, at least up to a point. However, this game also allows for some variability within that theme. Theory works right up until it doesn't, because of it's own limits or because reality is and theory only tries to encapsulate that with a random amount of failure. Two different, but related, things. Trust me. The theory of the difference between analog and digital, if the truth of that theory is... muddier than any let on. Digital is just as dirty, only in a cleaner way to the simpler minded. ~ Never mind! Gah!
Anyway, I think, what I have to do, is increase my health... A lot. So... more grinding. A day or two of just mashing buttons long enough to level up at least a score of times. At my level, that means triple duty. Bleh. At least I have something to do while being able to do nothing. Yes, yes, one of those theories within a theory that proves that theory is only theory. Doesn't work in the real world, in spite of being fully operational in a non-standard variation of improbability. What? Shut up. Later!
.
When introduced to a problem that seems insoluble, I stop and think. I look at what others suggest. I compare that to my experiences. I look for those who have used the same methods that I use, looking for what they are doing, or have, that is different. I also look at those who are using things I don't have or haven't used or tried. I do know what my problem is. This particular character has too little health. It also has too little "breath", but I have learned to manage that. Actually, I have learned to mitigate the health weaknesses on other bosses and situations quite well. This fight is different. I may simply have to build up health first. My techniques are... impressive. Simply, the window for error recovery is too slim. And errors will be made. They can't be, as with other bosses, skipped. I have room for one error, and that isn't enough. When this boss realizes you are on the ropes, he becomes excessively aggressive, allowing no chance to recover. Trust me, I have tried numerous times. I am surprised I was able to get the tail. But, then, I learned how to bait a very specific attack. And then learned how to strike at an extremity and then roll out. To win, I would have to roll in. And that is where I get into trouble.
I can't believe I started this game with a caster type, thinking that would be easier. Well, I suspected it wasn't, but I... liked some of the offerings there. It did make bringing a character in, on the warrior side of things, a cakewalk. I have died on only a few bosses, with the second character. And I have gotten to a similar level in half the hours... though some of it is having a better idea where to go, and using some of the shortcuts in the game more efficiently. No, they build shortcuts in, so that after some point, you don't have to chew old dirt to get to the payday. But until you know where you are, where they are, and where they can get you, you waste a lot of time doing double duty on old dirt, regaining what is unnecessary to win again.
This game is demanding, but it isn't difficult after a few efforts and learning what works and what doesn't. It is highly, though not completely, mathematical. Not just the application, but the theory. If you know a + 3b=17 means a = 5 and b = 4, that's good. But if you know why, the theory, then the Xa + Yb = Z makes sense every time. A fish, or fishing, at least up to a point. However, this game also allows for some variability within that theme. Theory works right up until it doesn't, because of it's own limits or because reality is and theory only tries to encapsulate that with a random amount of failure. Two different, but related, things. Trust me. The theory of the difference between analog and digital, if the truth of that theory is... muddier than any let on. Digital is just as dirty, only in a cleaner way to the simpler minded. ~ Never mind! Gah!
Anyway, I think, what I have to do, is increase my health... A lot. So... more grinding. A day or two of just mashing buttons long enough to level up at least a score of times. At my level, that means triple duty. Bleh. At least I have something to do while being able to do nothing. Yes, yes, one of those theories within a theory that proves that theory is only theory. Doesn't work in the real world, in spite of being fully operational in a non-standard variation of improbability. What? Shut up. Later!
Awake, finally.
.
.
Could not wake up, but did. Eventually. I didn't get to bed at midnight. Just wouldn't go down. It was more like 2:00. Set the alarm for 10:00, heard it, turned it off. Actually woke within the hour anyway. A bit of will involved. Figured it out though. I've been forgetting medicines. Not all of them. Insulin has been going in. Odd how I can literally forget, or lose track, of this or that, but not all of it. Just... weird. Anyway, took a dose this morning and will get back on track on that. I did see something odd though. While taking insulin but not other medicine, insulin seems to act as a diuretic(water pill, and at least for me)! Very very strange.
The body aches, though. Perhaps sitting to hard, too long. Perhaps from missing most meds, something is just off. Skeletal pain, mostly, with a hint of neck muscle thrown in for flavor, minus a headache oddly. Yes, pain comes in many flavors and I know many of their recipes. One might suggest I have been collecting recipes all of my days. I'm just too ill to get about putting some of them together these days. Still, my goal is to get healthy enough to cook up some of the good stuff.
I'll get back on track. That hasn't meant much this year, but... It can mean more than not, at points. Much more than nothing, if not so much as... well... as very much. Oh, I think I ended up staying up too late trying to take down that last boss with my caster. I've tried this and that school of magic, repeatedly. I've tried dexterity based melee. I'll... review what others have done and see if, between this and that, I can find a method that works for me. That is how I got the tail twice. No one method quite worked, for me, but a combination, and my own experiences and play style, combined to create a formula that actually worked with two very different sets of skills and assets. It just didn't work out the same for beating the actual boss. That is why I have two very different 'toons. I like to suss out the various methods. The eventual goal is to have a toon that can use anything, then combine those to craft techniques that are tailored to the boss or situation like can be done in no other way. As with me, or as I was, a specialist jack of all trades. Only some can do it. But when done right, for those in the league, it means there is no bridge too far, no wall too high or stout, no impossible. I realized, in time over time, that Christ was the first, or prime, among us. Didn't like that answer when I first viewed it, so doubled down... and lost eventually. None are as good, all others will lose, eventually.
Well... on to... other things. Good day.
.
Could not wake up, but did. Eventually. I didn't get to bed at midnight. Just wouldn't go down. It was more like 2:00. Set the alarm for 10:00, heard it, turned it off. Actually woke within the hour anyway. A bit of will involved. Figured it out though. I've been forgetting medicines. Not all of them. Insulin has been going in. Odd how I can literally forget, or lose track, of this or that, but not all of it. Just... weird. Anyway, took a dose this morning and will get back on track on that. I did see something odd though. While taking insulin but not other medicine, insulin seems to act as a diuretic(water pill, and at least for me)! Very very strange.
The body aches, though. Perhaps sitting to hard, too long. Perhaps from missing most meds, something is just off. Skeletal pain, mostly, with a hint of neck muscle thrown in for flavor, minus a headache oddly. Yes, pain comes in many flavors and I know many of their recipes. One might suggest I have been collecting recipes all of my days. I'm just too ill to get about putting some of them together these days. Still, my goal is to get healthy enough to cook up some of the good stuff.
I'll get back on track. That hasn't meant much this year, but... It can mean more than not, at points. Much more than nothing, if not so much as... well... as very much. Oh, I think I ended up staying up too late trying to take down that last boss with my caster. I've tried this and that school of magic, repeatedly. I've tried dexterity based melee. I'll... review what others have done and see if, between this and that, I can find a method that works for me. That is how I got the tail twice. No one method quite worked, for me, but a combination, and my own experiences and play style, combined to create a formula that actually worked with two very different sets of skills and assets. It just didn't work out the same for beating the actual boss. That is why I have two very different 'toons. I like to suss out the various methods. The eventual goal is to have a toon that can use anything, then combine those to craft techniques that are tailored to the boss or situation like can be done in no other way. As with me, or as I was, a specialist jack of all trades. Only some can do it. But when done right, for those in the league, it means there is no bridge too far, no wall too high or stout, no impossible. I realized, in time over time, that Christ was the first, or prime, among us. Didn't like that answer when I first viewed it, so doubled down... and lost eventually. None are as good, all others will lose, eventually.
Well... on to... other things. Good day.
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