.
.
I wasn't sure I would be able to make it out today. Want, even need, is superseded, at times, by health. My health is delicate. Toss in snow removal and I was doubtful. A few silent prayers, and intent, saw me to all that was necessary.
I will rest, for a while, now. Adjusting to the weather, season, lack of sun... or more. I never can quite tell. So long as I succeeded today, all is good. A few days, weeks, or months of rest may be needed.
Good night.
Thursday, December 25, 2014
A white Christmas.
.
.
A light snow, maybe two, perhaps three, inches. Invited to a Christmas day, I had hoped to be out about now. And I would have, save for a bit of snow removal needed. The shop broom seems to be doing the job, and quickly. I did the first, and heavier, half in one shot. But I needed a break. After that, a shower. It's as good as I can do. I am actually impressed how far I went before needing a break. I wanted one, several times, but a quick check and I found more wind, so just kept going.
Worth it. I do enjoy when Christmas is white. And this is just about as good, and light, of a snow to claim a truly white Christmas. I hope you all are enjoying the celebration, more so if you remember the cause for it. Grump if you must, I do understand. But when you can, set that aside and enjoy.
Merry Christmas.
.
A light snow, maybe two, perhaps three, inches. Invited to a Christmas day, I had hoped to be out about now. And I would have, save for a bit of snow removal needed. The shop broom seems to be doing the job, and quickly. I did the first, and heavier, half in one shot. But I needed a break. After that, a shower. It's as good as I can do. I am actually impressed how far I went before needing a break. I wanted one, several times, but a quick check and I found more wind, so just kept going.
Worth it. I do enjoy when Christmas is white. And this is just about as good, and light, of a snow to claim a truly white Christmas. I hope you all are enjoying the celebration, more so if you remember the cause for it. Grump if you must, I do understand. But when you can, set that aside and enjoy.
Merry Christmas.
Wednesday, December 24, 2014
Chirstmas Eve.
.
.
I certainly enjoy this time of year. The eve of the celebration for the birth of my Lord. A time when He was allowed first life here, the innocence of the crib, and His mother's gentle care. A time before hard times. A time He will know again.
.
I certainly enjoy this time of year. The eve of the celebration for the birth of my Lord. A time when He was allowed first life here, the innocence of the crib, and His mother's gentle care. A time before hard times. A time He will know again.
Tuesday, December 23, 2014
Malware.
.
.
Looking over articles, advice, forums, and whatever else I could find, I hit on something that seems to have scratched some itches. Anti-virus works right until it doesn't. Often, as in my case, it offers no way to do anything about whatever is going wrong. The software merely let me know it is blocking something. Super, I guess. But the popups were maddening. They offered no solution. This has been going on for weeks. As I said, I may have found a solution. I downloaded the free version of an anti-malware, installed, then let it do it's thing. It found, definitely, one type of malware. It also found 110 other programs doing questionable things. I simply quarantined everything. I don't know it it will work, or for long. Since doing that, the constant pop-ups have ended. If I run into troubles, I will merely look over the quarantine list.
It seems there is another form of program that will sometimes work with anti-virus and anti-malware programs. Anti-spyware. I suppose it depends on what sort of programs, and manufacturers, as to what is compatible. It seems firewall routers might be a reasonable addition. I looked, just a bit, at those. I have in the past as well. It seems either you end up with junk, it's nearly impossible for a noob to actually set up, or it costs a fortune. Though sometimes all three can be in play. It's a lot of work and cost for a maybe. Still, there is that. It seems, to be somewhat secure on the internet, you need a degree in programming, software engineering, technical electrical hardware, and a lot of time. Even then, it's just a maybe, until the next week spot is found in the hardware, software, manufacturing process, or your service screws the pooch or rolls over for the clumsy stupid hand of Big Brother.
Never mind. For now I am trying to figure out how to install the freeware, for starters, on my laptop. But not online. You have, at best, minutes before a new machine is compromised. I live near a college, my guess is there is less time. While a firewall router might help, a bit, just getting that set up would be a lot of cost and hassle. But first, a great deal of research into which one, and how to set it up correctly, would have to happen. That is, assuming even so, that I find a way to install the anti-virus and anti-malware offline, first. Bleh. Well, it is a problem. Something to tinker with.
I've been having a rough week, but might be able to get back to things shortly... I hope. I'll just add solving that problem with figuring out my camera. I can, for now, just touch up photos on the laptop, thumb drive them to my main machine if I wish to share them, and... that'll be that. Of course, scanning the thumb drives before any process, each way, with what is available. I am loving the sun. I am almost amazed how much sun we actually have. It was so densely cloudy that it seemed like we must only have a few hours of sun, and at a scant angle. Heck, after a week of that, it feels like spring or something seeing the sun and blue skies all day. That might bring me around a bit.
Later.
.
Looking over articles, advice, forums, and whatever else I could find, I hit on something that seems to have scratched some itches. Anti-virus works right until it doesn't. Often, as in my case, it offers no way to do anything about whatever is going wrong. The software merely let me know it is blocking something. Super, I guess. But the popups were maddening. They offered no solution. This has been going on for weeks. As I said, I may have found a solution. I downloaded the free version of an anti-malware, installed, then let it do it's thing. It found, definitely, one type of malware. It also found 110 other programs doing questionable things. I simply quarantined everything. I don't know it it will work, or for long. Since doing that, the constant pop-ups have ended. If I run into troubles, I will merely look over the quarantine list.
It seems there is another form of program that will sometimes work with anti-virus and anti-malware programs. Anti-spyware. I suppose it depends on what sort of programs, and manufacturers, as to what is compatible. It seems firewall routers might be a reasonable addition. I looked, just a bit, at those. I have in the past as well. It seems either you end up with junk, it's nearly impossible for a noob to actually set up, or it costs a fortune. Though sometimes all three can be in play. It's a lot of work and cost for a maybe. Still, there is that. It seems, to be somewhat secure on the internet, you need a degree in programming, software engineering, technical electrical hardware, and a lot of time. Even then, it's just a maybe, until the next week spot is found in the hardware, software, manufacturing process, or your service screws the pooch or rolls over for the clumsy stupid hand of Big Brother.
Never mind. For now I am trying to figure out how to install the freeware, for starters, on my laptop. But not online. You have, at best, minutes before a new machine is compromised. I live near a college, my guess is there is less time. While a firewall router might help, a bit, just getting that set up would be a lot of cost and hassle. But first, a great deal of research into which one, and how to set it up correctly, would have to happen. That is, assuming even so, that I find a way to install the anti-virus and anti-malware offline, first. Bleh. Well, it is a problem. Something to tinker with.
I've been having a rough week, but might be able to get back to things shortly... I hope. I'll just add solving that problem with figuring out my camera. I can, for now, just touch up photos on the laptop, thumb drive them to my main machine if I wish to share them, and... that'll be that. Of course, scanning the thumb drives before any process, each way, with what is available. I am loving the sun. I am almost amazed how much sun we actually have. It was so densely cloudy that it seemed like we must only have a few hours of sun, and at a scant angle. Heck, after a week of that, it feels like spring or something seeing the sun and blue skies all day. That might bring me around a bit.
Later.
The sun.
.
.
It has been dark for, it seems, the whole last week. Nearing the winter solstice, on top of heavy cloud cover, made it seem like there wasn't a sun. I can only guess that, at certain times of the year, some parts of the far North experience that. What we went through was an illusion, but a strong one. To see the sun, and blue sky, is worth the extra chill that came with it.
While opening a curtain to let some sun in, I noticed that only a bit more snow fell. That could be called the perfect snow. Just enough to add white, and brighten the sun more. Sweeping did a great job on everything, though the walk will need just a touch of salt, then maybe another sweep. Salt is great, but eventually it simply dilutes and washes away, without removing the ice, if the slush it creates isn't also removed.
Sleep was good. A few beers, a show or two, putting everything up, I even prepped a bit for a load of dishes, roughly, last night. I may hit the dishes, do some cleaning in the kitchen, then work on pie crusts today. I also need to figure out security software for the new machine. With a thumbdrive, I might be able to put something on without having to risk hooking it up first. There are some other programs, to clear bloatware, I might want to use as well, before connecting the laptop. It's nasty out there. Then again, who knows how many bugs are already on the hardware. Any device within a computer that has memory, from printers to hard drives to... lots of things... come with viruses that probably can't be detected. Since I don't have a version of the OS, I can't flash it all. Though I doubt flashing memory will work either.
Still, you won't be able to keep states and big corps off your machines. You might be able to thwart some of the lower level hackers. Just remember a computer is completely insecure, even "offline", and go from there. Oh, right, and tape over the camera. I need to get that done on both the laptop and smartphone. I'm not sure if the cameras can see through certain things though. I'll do some research on it. Duct tape? Ugly, but probably stops most cameras. I wish they made lead impregnated tape. Hmm.... I doubt if the camera has extra capacity, but who knows what can be done with a simple camera and firmware updates, or end-user editors these days.
Well... on to waking. I hope you get a little something today. I, for my part, will be enjoying the sun as much as possible. An easy trade for a dip in temps. Later.
.
It has been dark for, it seems, the whole last week. Nearing the winter solstice, on top of heavy cloud cover, made it seem like there wasn't a sun. I can only guess that, at certain times of the year, some parts of the far North experience that. What we went through was an illusion, but a strong one. To see the sun, and blue sky, is worth the extra chill that came with it.
While opening a curtain to let some sun in, I noticed that only a bit more snow fell. That could be called the perfect snow. Just enough to add white, and brighten the sun more. Sweeping did a great job on everything, though the walk will need just a touch of salt, then maybe another sweep. Salt is great, but eventually it simply dilutes and washes away, without removing the ice, if the slush it creates isn't also removed.
Sleep was good. A few beers, a show or two, putting everything up, I even prepped a bit for a load of dishes, roughly, last night. I may hit the dishes, do some cleaning in the kitchen, then work on pie crusts today. I also need to figure out security software for the new machine. With a thumbdrive, I might be able to put something on without having to risk hooking it up first. There are some other programs, to clear bloatware, I might want to use as well, before connecting the laptop. It's nasty out there. Then again, who knows how many bugs are already on the hardware. Any device within a computer that has memory, from printers to hard drives to... lots of things... come with viruses that probably can't be detected. Since I don't have a version of the OS, I can't flash it all. Though I doubt flashing memory will work either.
Still, you won't be able to keep states and big corps off your machines. You might be able to thwart some of the lower level hackers. Just remember a computer is completely insecure, even "offline", and go from there. Oh, right, and tape over the camera. I need to get that done on both the laptop and smartphone. I'm not sure if the cameras can see through certain things though. I'll do some research on it. Duct tape? Ugly, but probably stops most cameras. I wish they made lead impregnated tape. Hmm.... I doubt if the camera has extra capacity, but who knows what can be done with a simple camera and firmware updates, or end-user editors these days.
Well... on to waking. I hope you get a little something today. I, for my part, will be enjoying the sun as much as possible. An easy trade for a dip in temps. Later.
Monday, December 22, 2014
I'm not cooking tonight.
.
.
Mostly. My right shoulder blade has fire in it, from it... the wing of flame thing. The rest is good. This is odd. Usually when I get lit up, I stay lit for a while. Days, sometimes weeks. Same with when I go cold. This is highly unusual.
I did make it to town, purchased the rest of my list and a bit more. A rolling pin was added. Mine is sort of broken. This time I purchased one without a ball bearing system. It seems, when I lean into such a device... it breaks. Bears and some things don't mix. I actually spoke with a woman, at the shop, who bakes and uses rolling pins frequently. I liked her story, of using, essentially, a massive dowel. I've tried the French type before, with tapered ends. That... doesn't work well for me. If I forget I am putting a lot of pressure on the item, and lift one hand... *thwang* the thing can go flying. It's almost dangerous.
Cheeses, olives, tomato juice, a cast bacon press, the thumb drives... all good. Four stores, plus a meal, and I took care of what my friend wanted help regarding. Actually, he had a few other things on his list. I think we got those too. All good. I am not even tired, if ready for bed in a natural way.
Ah, tomato juice and olives are so that I can have beer without salt. Or as much salt. Which I am enjoying. Toss in some of my habanero sauce, and call it a late, red, beertini, lunch? Something. I thought I would have more, but... I am tired. I won't even drink the last... well... maybe. I need to finish the episode I am watching, then hit the bunk. Sleep sounds good.
It was raining and then snowing, sort of, all day. When I got home, after taking everything in, I pulled out the shop broom and swept the driveway. Yeah, it's a bit odd, but it works. It was mostly just slush. I hit the sidewalk as well. I did not want the wet gunk to freeze. I suppose more may fall. But without that base layer of partially frozen liquid slurry, I am hoping it won't freeze as nastily. No, that wasn't even an effort. Since I was already out. It sort of surprised me that I was able to do it all which, especially for this last week, is a lot, and not be suffering for it. Bedtime is calling, but at the normal, right, time. Odd day all around.
Good night.
.
Mostly. My right shoulder blade has fire in it, from it... the wing of flame thing. The rest is good. This is odd. Usually when I get lit up, I stay lit for a while. Days, sometimes weeks. Same with when I go cold. This is highly unusual.
I did make it to town, purchased the rest of my list and a bit more. A rolling pin was added. Mine is sort of broken. This time I purchased one without a ball bearing system. It seems, when I lean into such a device... it breaks. Bears and some things don't mix. I actually spoke with a woman, at the shop, who bakes and uses rolling pins frequently. I liked her story, of using, essentially, a massive dowel. I've tried the French type before, with tapered ends. That... doesn't work well for me. If I forget I am putting a lot of pressure on the item, and lift one hand... *thwang* the thing can go flying. It's almost dangerous.
Cheeses, olives, tomato juice, a cast bacon press, the thumb drives... all good. Four stores, plus a meal, and I took care of what my friend wanted help regarding. Actually, he had a few other things on his list. I think we got those too. All good. I am not even tired, if ready for bed in a natural way.
Ah, tomato juice and olives are so that I can have beer without salt. Or as much salt. Which I am enjoying. Toss in some of my habanero sauce, and call it a late, red, beertini, lunch? Something. I thought I would have more, but... I am tired. I won't even drink the last... well... maybe. I need to finish the episode I am watching, then hit the bunk. Sleep sounds good.
It was raining and then snowing, sort of, all day. When I got home, after taking everything in, I pulled out the shop broom and swept the driveway. Yeah, it's a bit odd, but it works. It was mostly just slush. I hit the sidewalk as well. I did not want the wet gunk to freeze. I suppose more may fall. But without that base layer of partially frozen liquid slurry, I am hoping it won't freeze as nastily. No, that wasn't even an effort. Since I was already out. It sort of surprised me that I was able to do it all which, especially for this last week, is a lot, and not be suffering for it. Bedtime is calling, but at the normal, right, time. Odd day all around.
Good night.
Good morning.
.
.
I've been up since 6:00, give or take. A really nice wake up. A really good morning so far. A glass of milk, I think, a couple of episodes of the show, a bit of this, a bit of that. Everything from last night is done, mostly. Still a bit of sour g.i. going on, but nothing as drastic as the internal hurricane of last night. Temps, or sensations have normalized. Mostly. If this is a normal part of my phase, I'll be going through this again tonight. It's just what it is. No worries. I have learned to enjoy what I can, when I can. Actually, I've learned to enjoy even worse moments, sometimes even the worst of it. Hey, I've seriously had worse than anything I've gone through in decades. I can't consciously remember all of it, but it's in there. A quick flashcard of now and then is enough to know enough to realize this is better. Plus, a little to grumble about from time to time is just fine.
Oh, today? I'm about to place a call, then head to town. After I get back, I'll make another call or two. And I may get to pie crusts today. That's the plan, and it is possible. Well, after a cup of coffee and an episode or two. I'll make the first call, though, right away. Later.
.
I've been up since 6:00, give or take. A really nice wake up. A really good morning so far. A glass of milk, I think, a couple of episodes of the show, a bit of this, a bit of that. Everything from last night is done, mostly. Still a bit of sour g.i. going on, but nothing as drastic as the internal hurricane of last night. Temps, or sensations have normalized. Mostly. If this is a normal part of my phase, I'll be going through this again tonight. It's just what it is. No worries. I have learned to enjoy what I can, when I can. Actually, I've learned to enjoy even worse moments, sometimes even the worst of it. Hey, I've seriously had worse than anything I've gone through in decades. I can't consciously remember all of it, but it's in there. A quick flashcard of now and then is enough to know enough to realize this is better. Plus, a little to grumble about from time to time is just fine.
Oh, today? I'm about to place a call, then head to town. After I get back, I'll make another call or two. And I may get to pie crusts today. That's the plan, and it is possible. Well, after a cup of coffee and an episode or two. I'll make the first call, though, right away. Later.
Sunday, December 21, 2014
Imagine a crackling fire.
.
.
Now imagine from your waistline to the top of your skull is crackling. Ah, there you go. It's not a fever. My feet are cool. My hands are roasting. My forehead feels slightly warm, my face is as hot or hotter than my hands. But inside my skin I am cooking in my own juices. My back feels as if I have flaming wings. No real fever trauma, or anything that would suggest an actual fever. I just never know what causes this sort of thing. The skin on my arms is actually cold, but they feel hot to my mind. Doesn't make sense.
I don't think the heat is a physical threat. But it does set me up for some other things. I fear dreaming in the near future. I still wonder about this sort of thing, billowing heat like this, is not medical. Spiritual, of nature, perhaps. Why should my face and forehead be hot to very hot while my eye area be cold? Why are my arms cold to the touch while seemingly alive with flame? Yeah. Oh, it could be some sort of odd medical. Maybe that is a perfectly normal fever for some. But this isn't like normal fevers I have had, from things like the flu.
Sunday? Hmm... The week... month... has flown. I am hoping to get to town again tomorrow. I tried calling my friend while in town. He didn't answer. I'll call again tonight. Either way, I do have some shopping to do. Good night.
.
Now imagine from your waistline to the top of your skull is crackling. Ah, there you go. It's not a fever. My feet are cool. My hands are roasting. My forehead feels slightly warm, my face is as hot or hotter than my hands. But inside my skin I am cooking in my own juices. My back feels as if I have flaming wings. No real fever trauma, or anything that would suggest an actual fever. I just never know what causes this sort of thing. The skin on my arms is actually cold, but they feel hot to my mind. Doesn't make sense.
I don't think the heat is a physical threat. But it does set me up for some other things. I fear dreaming in the near future. I still wonder about this sort of thing, billowing heat like this, is not medical. Spiritual, of nature, perhaps. Why should my face and forehead be hot to very hot while my eye area be cold? Why are my arms cold to the touch while seemingly alive with flame? Yeah. Oh, it could be some sort of odd medical. Maybe that is a perfectly normal fever for some. But this isn't like normal fevers I have had, from things like the flu.
Sunday? Hmm... The week... month... has flown. I am hoping to get to town again tomorrow. I tried calling my friend while in town. He didn't answer. I'll call again tonight. Either way, I do have some shopping to do. Good night.
Feeling a bit better.
.
.
Curtains open on a blustery gray day. The thermostat, both my body's and my homes, set a bit lower. Enough coffee and painkillers to soften the edge, the mechanical migraine being cut to size. Thankfully this migraine was caused by muscle tension, can't do much about the other kind(s). A bit of this, updating of Pale Moon and customizing add-ons for it. Ad-Blocker is great, but Pale Moon has a custom setup called Adblock Latitude, which can be downloaded from their site at the link.
I'm doing everything I can to clear and clean my machine. I keep getting pop-ups, from my "security" software, suggesting all is not good. But the software doesn't fix anything, or offer me any way to to stop the pop-ups. Hundreds a day, centered around, from what I can tell, just two programs. Programs named in such a way that they could be either legitimate or viruses. I don't have enough security-foo to know which is which. Even if I could find the differences, finding the programs, then actually removing them, might be a bit of a trick. Seeking help, online, is comparable to bleeding in the ocean. You are more likely to attract sharks than lifeguards. Not sure, these days, with the internet, if there even are such things as lifeguards. Just... money, money, money. If not for nothing, than worse. Ah, but at least we have the government (breaking through the back doors, leaving them open, all for our own good, don't you know). Bleh. Can't wait till the brownout ends. Though it's looking like the brownout has become permanent. Jeb? Really? It's good for business though. Crony capitalist business. No less, or more, than now. Just a different group of favored "capitalists" munching on public dough. I guess you get every cent you pay, I suppose unless you pay at gunpoint, innit.
Yeah, grumpy. Because I know they are working together against our interests. There are a few, but even they can't be trusted very far. Populists of one bent or another. Is that really as good as it gets? Maybe. For the foreseeable future that seems to be it. It won't be a bright, or long, future though. Maybe they really are having to compromise to keep the guts of the thing in. I seriously doubt it, but it is possible. I do realize, if they let it spill, it will hurt. And for a very long time. For generations. But keeping it in is just creating festering madness and it will only get worse. I am on the side of nature. If the patient can't survive, don't Frankenstein it. Just let it be. They aren't, though, trying to keep it together for us. They are used to lattes and silk, sex at a call, doses per request. They don't even know how to handle hard things, like real life.
I may take another dose of painkillers in a few hours, then try to figure out some things. I still have a call to make. I will probably watch a few more episodes before doing much. And I suspect, if I decide to make crusts, I might just make a half dozen of them at once, refrigerating what I don't use today. Wrapped in plastic wrap, then placed in air-tight containers, they should last a few days anyway. I used to be really good at making pie crusts. A bit of lard and a bit of butter. This time, probably, just butter. Though I may break into my coconut "lard". I've got an unopened container in the fridge. Crusts today, then tomorrow, if I behave and clean up, the first quiche pie or two. Oh... but I forgot cheeses. Gah! Always something.
Later.
.
Curtains open on a blustery gray day. The thermostat, both my body's and my homes, set a bit lower. Enough coffee and painkillers to soften the edge, the mechanical migraine being cut to size. Thankfully this migraine was caused by muscle tension, can't do much about the other kind(s). A bit of this, updating of Pale Moon and customizing add-ons for it. Ad-Blocker is great, but Pale Moon has a custom setup called Adblock Latitude, which can be downloaded from their site at the link.
I'm doing everything I can to clear and clean my machine. I keep getting pop-ups, from my "security" software, suggesting all is not good. But the software doesn't fix anything, or offer me any way to to stop the pop-ups. Hundreds a day, centered around, from what I can tell, just two programs. Programs named in such a way that they could be either legitimate or viruses. I don't have enough security-foo to know which is which. Even if I could find the differences, finding the programs, then actually removing them, might be a bit of a trick. Seeking help, online, is comparable to bleeding in the ocean. You are more likely to attract sharks than lifeguards. Not sure, these days, with the internet, if there even are such things as lifeguards. Just... money, money, money. If not for nothing, than worse. Ah, but at least we have the government (breaking through the back doors, leaving them open, all for our own good, don't you know). Bleh. Can't wait till the brownout ends. Though it's looking like the brownout has become permanent. Jeb? Really? It's good for business though. Crony capitalist business. No less, or more, than now. Just a different group of favored "capitalists" munching on public dough. I guess you get every cent you pay, I suppose unless you pay at gunpoint, innit.
Yeah, grumpy. Because I know they are working together against our interests. There are a few, but even they can't be trusted very far. Populists of one bent or another. Is that really as good as it gets? Maybe. For the foreseeable future that seems to be it. It won't be a bright, or long, future though. Maybe they really are having to compromise to keep the guts of the thing in. I seriously doubt it, but it is possible. I do realize, if they let it spill, it will hurt. And for a very long time. For generations. But keeping it in is just creating festering madness and it will only get worse. I am on the side of nature. If the patient can't survive, don't Frankenstein it. Just let it be. They aren't, though, trying to keep it together for us. They are used to lattes and silk, sex at a call, doses per request. They don't even know how to handle hard things, like real life.
I may take another dose of painkillers in a few hours, then try to figure out some things. I still have a call to make. I will probably watch a few more episodes before doing much. And I suspect, if I decide to make crusts, I might just make a half dozen of them at once, refrigerating what I don't use today. Wrapped in plastic wrap, then placed in air-tight containers, they should last a few days anyway. I used to be really good at making pie crusts. A bit of lard and a bit of butter. This time, probably, just butter. Though I may break into my coconut "lard". I've got an unopened container in the fridge. Crusts today, then tomorrow, if I behave and clean up, the first quiche pie or two. Oh... but I forgot cheeses. Gah! Always something.
Later.
Good bloody morning.
.
.
No anger, just a serious bit of pain. A small pile of anacin, right after medicines, I am hoping, will bring some peace to my shoulder, neck, and headache pains. Oh, I like those, some days. Not this particular day. I'm not in the mood. Usually those will fade with darkness as the day moves along. Not today, I can tell, without a little help. Even pain killers are merely going to sooth, not remedy. I only missed, in the end, a single day of medication, if... I bundled to catch up an half day. But I missed two days of insulin. I'm not sure why it is this brutal. I've missed, when on higher doses, for a week or two before hitting this kind of crescendo of pain. This feels like that sort of pain set. Hey, missing medicines, of both types, kills some people, I shouldn't complain. Feels like I've been sapped with a blackjack. Thing is, I know that won't do it. I've been punched, blackjacked, and batoned in the back of the head by pros, to no good effect (for them), or even a headache the next day. By the way, don't do that. The last guy ended up in the hospital for a week, and I was going as easy on him as I could. I knew he was just a dumb putz, tried not to put the hurt on him. Would have killed him otherwise.
Right now, however, I feel as if a spike was driven into the base of my skull. That may be why I am burning, too. But that doesn't make sense, exactly. I've been eating right, low carb, right amounts, mostly. I just can't figure this out. It happens. It was, I think, in the 30's last night while out a bit. I could not cool down. I was burning up. Got home, got everything in, stripped to a t and shorts, turned the thermo down to 66. I'm still cooking this morning. Feet and hands are a bit cool, but the rest of me is roasting. Just a wee bit of nausea too. If that is a new development. Ugh.
No snow, but it is raining, I think. I am almost sure I heard rain on the roof last night. I don't know whether to wish for snow or not. You never know how much will arrive, or how long the system will stay. I do like the look of snow, so long as it doesn't arrive by the foot, or three, and then drop several times a week for a month or two. That gets old fast. A snowblower is still a good lot of work, it is merely less than a shovel... unless all hands are on deck. Four shovels beat one snowblower, at least with what I need to clear. Got to admit though, if I am ever a dad, it will be done with shovels. A new friend showed me the light on that topic.
Hmm, today? I am not sure. I will attempt to not let this life gunk slow me down too much. I don't know. I did buy enough stuff to begin making quiche. I also purchased an appliance cart. I don't know if this is the cart I want, and I have some time to return it. I want to try it on my steps, bringing the old water heater up, and see if my friend still needs some help with it. If it passes muster, I'll keep it. If not, I'll return it and go bigger and better, or different. So many choices, many of which aren't worth it, or too specialized or weak. Never easy, is it. Which... for now... I actually like. It's not always in success, but effort, that gratification can be found. Those who find a way to only find gratification, to my mind, are often the most lost. They can't handle reality. I know from experimentation on a grand scale that there is no way to pure success. That is an illusion only abiding evil can create. That path leads to monsterhood. So... a call, perhaps some baking and cooking, and a few other things... but not quite yet. Coffee! That might help with the headache too. And pulling out of the slump. Later.
.
No anger, just a serious bit of pain. A small pile of anacin, right after medicines, I am hoping, will bring some peace to my shoulder, neck, and headache pains. Oh, I like those, some days. Not this particular day. I'm not in the mood. Usually those will fade with darkness as the day moves along. Not today, I can tell, without a little help. Even pain killers are merely going to sooth, not remedy. I only missed, in the end, a single day of medication, if... I bundled to catch up an half day. But I missed two days of insulin. I'm not sure why it is this brutal. I've missed, when on higher doses, for a week or two before hitting this kind of crescendo of pain. This feels like that sort of pain set. Hey, missing medicines, of both types, kills some people, I shouldn't complain. Feels like I've been sapped with a blackjack. Thing is, I know that won't do it. I've been punched, blackjacked, and batoned in the back of the head by pros, to no good effect (for them), or even a headache the next day. By the way, don't do that. The last guy ended up in the hospital for a week, and I was going as easy on him as I could. I knew he was just a dumb putz, tried not to put the hurt on him. Would have killed him otherwise.
Right now, however, I feel as if a spike was driven into the base of my skull. That may be why I am burning, too. But that doesn't make sense, exactly. I've been eating right, low carb, right amounts, mostly. I just can't figure this out. It happens. It was, I think, in the 30's last night while out a bit. I could not cool down. I was burning up. Got home, got everything in, stripped to a t and shorts, turned the thermo down to 66. I'm still cooking this morning. Feet and hands are a bit cool, but the rest of me is roasting. Just a wee bit of nausea too. If that is a new development. Ugh.
No snow, but it is raining, I think. I am almost sure I heard rain on the roof last night. I don't know whether to wish for snow or not. You never know how much will arrive, or how long the system will stay. I do like the look of snow, so long as it doesn't arrive by the foot, or three, and then drop several times a week for a month or two. That gets old fast. A snowblower is still a good lot of work, it is merely less than a shovel... unless all hands are on deck. Four shovels beat one snowblower, at least with what I need to clear. Got to admit though, if I am ever a dad, it will be done with shovels. A new friend showed me the light on that topic.
Hmm, today? I am not sure. I will attempt to not let this life gunk slow me down too much. I don't know. I did buy enough stuff to begin making quiche. I also purchased an appliance cart. I don't know if this is the cart I want, and I have some time to return it. I want to try it on my steps, bringing the old water heater up, and see if my friend still needs some help with it. If it passes muster, I'll keep it. If not, I'll return it and go bigger and better, or different. So many choices, many of which aren't worth it, or too specialized or weak. Never easy, is it. Which... for now... I actually like. It's not always in success, but effort, that gratification can be found. Those who find a way to only find gratification, to my mind, are often the most lost. They can't handle reality. I know from experimentation on a grand scale that there is no way to pure success. That is an illusion only abiding evil can create. That path leads to monsterhood. So... a call, perhaps some baking and cooking, and a few other things... but not quite yet. Coffee! That might help with the headache too. And pulling out of the slump. Later.
Saturday, December 20, 2014
Billowing heat.
.
.
That's a change, from recent affairs. I've been rather regular, temp wise, and comfortable at any temp between 68 and 74. I turned the thermo to 74 this morning, after yesterday's cold spell. I turn it down at night, but the room I sleep in is very cold if that is how I sleep best. Then, in the morning, I make a guess at what will be needed, temp wise. Today I went at 74, hoping that would be enough. My computer room is almost as cold as my bedroom, as neither have vents, and both are in an addition that is outside of the stone part of my home. Even so, I'm blowing off heat like a fired cast iron stove. I can feel it wafting up, sometimes even see air blur from the rising heat. It almost feels like a fever, but without the groggy, out of it, dreamy sensation that usually goes with fevers, for me anyway. Go figure. No, this is somewhat normal, or used to be. Actually, I am usually too hot. Something to do with health, my metabolism, and some other things. Nothing ever quite makes exact sense, too many variables. I have logged it before... logging food, drink, sleep times, health stats, felt and measured temp, perhaps a few other things. A long list, and I did well at completing the log. No pattern emerged after six months trials, several times, cross checked, so I pretty much just set the task aside. Burning, today. I'll probably jack the thermo down to 70, and hope that is enough.
It looks like we received rain. Perhaps snow, but I don't think so. It's not warm enough to have thawed. In fact, it seems too cold to have rained. Perhaps it was a warm front coming up from the south. Don't know. Then again, weather has been rather screwy for some time. Actually, since before my last, let alone first, birth. Even so, weather has been more stable since man walked the earth than it has been for all of the rest of earth's history, even if you abide "scientific" numbers. I am skeptical, at best. But it's what you think you know, if only because you have been told, and choose to believe who told you. Just another religion. If a false one. Whatevs.
Feeling good, in spite of cooking. The two don't always correlate. Body furnace times just come and go, sometimes meaning down or up, local or regional, times. It just fit any pattern. Waking, this morning, has been going pretty good. I have more hope of getting to town, but it's a slim hope. I'll keep working on it. Mostly dead, where mostly is the key word, but can cut both ways. Ha! Love me some language-foo, or is that ideal-foo? A mix? Whatever. Later.
.
That's a change, from recent affairs. I've been rather regular, temp wise, and comfortable at any temp between 68 and 74. I turned the thermo to 74 this morning, after yesterday's cold spell. I turn it down at night, but the room I sleep in is very cold if that is how I sleep best. Then, in the morning, I make a guess at what will be needed, temp wise. Today I went at 74, hoping that would be enough. My computer room is almost as cold as my bedroom, as neither have vents, and both are in an addition that is outside of the stone part of my home. Even so, I'm blowing off heat like a fired cast iron stove. I can feel it wafting up, sometimes even see air blur from the rising heat. It almost feels like a fever, but without the groggy, out of it, dreamy sensation that usually goes with fevers, for me anyway. Go figure. No, this is somewhat normal, or used to be. Actually, I am usually too hot. Something to do with health, my metabolism, and some other things. Nothing ever quite makes exact sense, too many variables. I have logged it before... logging food, drink, sleep times, health stats, felt and measured temp, perhaps a few other things. A long list, and I did well at completing the log. No pattern emerged after six months trials, several times, cross checked, so I pretty much just set the task aside. Burning, today. I'll probably jack the thermo down to 70, and hope that is enough.
It looks like we received rain. Perhaps snow, but I don't think so. It's not warm enough to have thawed. In fact, it seems too cold to have rained. Perhaps it was a warm front coming up from the south. Don't know. Then again, weather has been rather screwy for some time. Actually, since before my last, let alone first, birth. Even so, weather has been more stable since man walked the earth than it has been for all of the rest of earth's history, even if you abide "scientific" numbers. I am skeptical, at best. But it's what you think you know, if only because you have been told, and choose to believe who told you. Just another religion. If a false one. Whatevs.
Feeling good, in spite of cooking. The two don't always correlate. Body furnace times just come and go, sometimes meaning down or up, local or regional, times. It just fit any pattern. Waking, this morning, has been going pretty good. I have more hope of getting to town, but it's a slim hope. I'll keep working on it. Mostly dead, where mostly is the key word, but can cut both ways. Ha! Love me some language-foo, or is that ideal-foo? A mix? Whatever. Later.
Yeah, down a bit.
.
.
I wasn't exactly sure what the problem was. There is, of course, less light. But that didn't seem to be all of it. Then, yesterday, I was aware enough to see it. I had the thermostat cranked to 76F. I felt cold, did what I could, but could only push it to feeling cool. I could not warm up. I won't push the thermostat more than that, or the girls get sick. Seriously, at 76 I usually almost burn. I do use that, some morning, when I need to get going. Lately, it has been on 76 pretty much all day. And still it isn't quite enough. Odd, though. I can stand outside when it is in the low 30's, in pj's, without issue. Something odd with health going on.
I am keeping up on food, and dishes. Still doing very small bits and pieces of things. I didn't make it to town yesterday. I don't know when I will. Perhaps today. I keep it on the menu, but I am cooked. Pushing through just doesn't seem to work. I am keeping my day schedule. I am staying on meds, unless I missed yesterday. It was a rough one yesterday. More by feel than anything else, as I still cooked, did a small pile of dishes, and tinkered here and there. It is sort of amazing. Usually in this condition I am doing good to sit upright for three to six hours before crashing. Yeah, something has changed so that even downtimes aren't devastating.
Never mind. I'll keep plugging, and trying to push things a bit further along. I don't get to die soon, most likely, so I might as well shut up and get up. Again. Later.
.
I wasn't exactly sure what the problem was. There is, of course, less light. But that didn't seem to be all of it. Then, yesterday, I was aware enough to see it. I had the thermostat cranked to 76F. I felt cold, did what I could, but could only push it to feeling cool. I could not warm up. I won't push the thermostat more than that, or the girls get sick. Seriously, at 76 I usually almost burn. I do use that, some morning, when I need to get going. Lately, it has been on 76 pretty much all day. And still it isn't quite enough. Odd, though. I can stand outside when it is in the low 30's, in pj's, without issue. Something odd with health going on.
I am keeping up on food, and dishes. Still doing very small bits and pieces of things. I didn't make it to town yesterday. I don't know when I will. Perhaps today. I keep it on the menu, but I am cooked. Pushing through just doesn't seem to work. I am keeping my day schedule. I am staying on meds, unless I missed yesterday. It was a rough one yesterday. More by feel than anything else, as I still cooked, did a small pile of dishes, and tinkered here and there. It is sort of amazing. Usually in this condition I am doing good to sit upright for three to six hours before crashing. Yeah, something has changed so that even downtimes aren't devastating.
Never mind. I'll keep plugging, and trying to push things a bit further along. I don't get to die soon, most likely, so I might as well shut up and get up. Again. Later.
Friday, December 19, 2014
Updating firmware?
.
.
The shows that I bought, and was watching, seemed to crap out. The player wasn't working, stopped playing the blurays half way through season six. I figured an update was needed but I have never done one. I didn't know how to securely find a link, what to pull down, or how to get it over. A burned cd, perhaps, but neither of my burners are working with this computer. There is the new laptop, but I'm not going to toss that online until I figure out what security ware is worth using and get that installed... probably offline, through a thumb drive, at that. So... As it turns out, there is an internet jack on the bluray drive. A very little bit of research led me to plug it in, mess with the menu, and... it seems to be updating now. I never leave things jacked to the internet, not even my computer anymore. Monsters have learned to jack into everything, using it for God only knows what. Jacking the bluetooth, hacking wi-fi, storing data, turning them into machinezombies, who knows. Still, that is one problem, potentially, down.
While doing that, I looked at the clock. It seemed like a good time to call my mother. But, while calling, I realized my living room clock must be way off. It suggested it was 7:00, my phone said it was 5:34 or something, at the time I dialed. Yeah, I hung up after a few rings. But she will know I called, probably, if her phone grabbed the call (doesn't always). Or I'll try back in an hour. There is an hour difference, but that is still a bit early, I think. Sometimes. She is getting a bit odd with her sleep, compared to before. She's an early riser, 8:00 is, for her, sleeping in.
I have been tinkering with the computer itself lately. It has a lot of problems. It is, possibly, infected. I have the settings on high, so maybe the indicators are false positives. I have been running down leads, but can't seem to get solid answers. Hackers are using programs named after legitimate programs. Honestly, I'm not seeing a good way to differentiate. I am not seeing a good way to get rid of them, in either case. And my 'security ware' doesn't seem to do much, other than tell me, over and over, that it is blocking stuff. Amazon, an update program, and possibly others. It started up a week or two ago and I am now getting hundreds of blocks a day. My guess is something is up, it's everywhere, most aren't even seeing it, and there isn't a fix.
Well... on to see if the update is done. It sure was taking it's sweet time. Then again, maybe it has just been hacked. Or LG's service was hacked and is passing it on. Hard to know. It's looking rather grim out there, and we don't have anyone on our side. Later.
.
The shows that I bought, and was watching, seemed to crap out. The player wasn't working, stopped playing the blurays half way through season six. I figured an update was needed but I have never done one. I didn't know how to securely find a link, what to pull down, or how to get it over. A burned cd, perhaps, but neither of my burners are working with this computer. There is the new laptop, but I'm not going to toss that online until I figure out what security ware is worth using and get that installed... probably offline, through a thumb drive, at that. So... As it turns out, there is an internet jack on the bluray drive. A very little bit of research led me to plug it in, mess with the menu, and... it seems to be updating now. I never leave things jacked to the internet, not even my computer anymore. Monsters have learned to jack into everything, using it for God only knows what. Jacking the bluetooth, hacking wi-fi, storing data, turning them into machinezombies, who knows. Still, that is one problem, potentially, down.
While doing that, I looked at the clock. It seemed like a good time to call my mother. But, while calling, I realized my living room clock must be way off. It suggested it was 7:00, my phone said it was 5:34 or something, at the time I dialed. Yeah, I hung up after a few rings. But she will know I called, probably, if her phone grabbed the call (doesn't always). Or I'll try back in an hour. There is an hour difference, but that is still a bit early, I think. Sometimes. She is getting a bit odd with her sleep, compared to before. She's an early riser, 8:00 is, for her, sleeping in.
I have been tinkering with the computer itself lately. It has a lot of problems. It is, possibly, infected. I have the settings on high, so maybe the indicators are false positives. I have been running down leads, but can't seem to get solid answers. Hackers are using programs named after legitimate programs. Honestly, I'm not seeing a good way to differentiate. I am not seeing a good way to get rid of them, in either case. And my 'security ware' doesn't seem to do much, other than tell me, over and over, that it is blocking stuff. Amazon, an update program, and possibly others. It started up a week or two ago and I am now getting hundreds of blocks a day. My guess is something is up, it's everywhere, most aren't even seeing it, and there isn't a fix.
Well... on to see if the update is done. It sure was taking it's sweet time. Then again, maybe it has just been hacked. Or LG's service was hacked and is passing it on. Hard to know. It's looking rather grim out there, and we don't have anyone on our side. Later.
Cute.
.
.
I warned him but he wouldn't listen. While Putin seems to be suggesting the West is an obamination, which is in part true, he just got his economy handed to him. And, so, Eastern Ukraine, after a prisoner of war exchange, will be left to Ukraine. Warned him, I did. Too late though. That isn't, now, enough. He has upset some plans and there is no place for that sort of behavior. Russia, too, will be punished. Even if he is a Hitler or a Stalin, the times that allowed those monsters is over. Monsters work in a different paradigm, and do not wish to rile the masses with the old school ways. Cuts into profits, or in this case, the illusion of a reasonable economy. Yes, punishment. For helping people remember what they fight against.
I realized something, watching a vid I posted in a comment, and the comments about that. Part of why I have done and seen the things I have, wasn't to help me order survival. It was to realize I cannot save anyone. Not of soul, not of flesh, not even myself. That isn't in my hands. I saw not only what I could lose, but what I will lose. I saw the truth, and tried to alter it, in many ways. I also saw nuances of a cosmic order. Hell on earth is nothing compared to hell. No matter the pain, the loss, the blood, the death. Hell on earth is limited by life. Hell is not limited by anything.
The battles that will occur between good and evil are not salvational. They are merely to be fought to end time quicker, for evil, and to stall that, for good. A city, or nation, living, and dying, doing right and sinning. Almost everyone is already saved. They merely need to choose it, and not get lost in false options or doubt. The rest? It will be remembered as it is, a picture show, lived out to it's end. The only thing important, in it all, is whether an individual chose Christ, and took their cross, or not. Both are required. The big things, and other people, are not in our hands. Women choose by choosing a right man, men choose by abiding as well, but more directly.
You don't have to like it. I certainly didn't. I looked, I would guess, in my own very unique ways, at every option. I dug through the trash, I looked through the stores, I went high and low. I searched myself, others, and things you can't know. I looked for any other way... to heaven. My stubbornness, and God's will, kept me from the consequences, but also from the answer. Until I ran out of options. Even then, I didn't care too much for the notion. He was very patient. Until, finally, I stumbled in, sure that this was just another wrong way, somehow. It was the only road left, I realized. It really isn't that bad. Actually, I could beat myself for struggling so hard against it. The way, however, isn't as it would seem. There are better, and worse, places to find it. As Christ said, find it where you are, not where you want it to be, or how you want it to be.
Those first steps are not easy. What? No sex on demand? No this, no that? Well... mostly. Until your footing becomes more sure, that will be piecemeal. The hungers will feed on themselves. In time, you will understand your hunger, the needs and wants behind them, and how to be right with them. Once on the path, and well, temptation will weaken. Oh, they never quite fully go away. But the hungers will become quite manageable. Further, when you do fall, you will know how to fix that. It's almost all wash and wear. If that is humbling, as if being a baby while knowing what you do. *splat* Still, humble and clean is better than dirty.
So... don't worry. Don't try to just be happy though either. Happiness sneaks up on you when doing what is right. Just look to God and follow. Follow the light, bear against the dark, fight it if that is before you, suffer it if you must, but do not let it be your focus. Right through hell on earth. While facing God, you can never be naked, dead, stripped of anything. Away from Him and you have no hope, no matter how strong, fast, influential, rich, poor, or how much you believe in a false justice. Just trust me. I've seen as many options, more actually than I can remember fully.
.
I warned him but he wouldn't listen. While Putin seems to be suggesting the West is an obamination, which is in part true, he just got his economy handed to him. And, so, Eastern Ukraine, after a prisoner of war exchange, will be left to Ukraine. Warned him, I did. Too late though. That isn't, now, enough. He has upset some plans and there is no place for that sort of behavior. Russia, too, will be punished. Even if he is a Hitler or a Stalin, the times that allowed those monsters is over. Monsters work in a different paradigm, and do not wish to rile the masses with the old school ways. Cuts into profits, or in this case, the illusion of a reasonable economy. Yes, punishment. For helping people remember what they fight against.
I realized something, watching a vid I posted in a comment, and the comments about that. Part of why I have done and seen the things I have, wasn't to help me order survival. It was to realize I cannot save anyone. Not of soul, not of flesh, not even myself. That isn't in my hands. I saw not only what I could lose, but what I will lose. I saw the truth, and tried to alter it, in many ways. I also saw nuances of a cosmic order. Hell on earth is nothing compared to hell. No matter the pain, the loss, the blood, the death. Hell on earth is limited by life. Hell is not limited by anything.
The battles that will occur between good and evil are not salvational. They are merely to be fought to end time quicker, for evil, and to stall that, for good. A city, or nation, living, and dying, doing right and sinning. Almost everyone is already saved. They merely need to choose it, and not get lost in false options or doubt. The rest? It will be remembered as it is, a picture show, lived out to it's end. The only thing important, in it all, is whether an individual chose Christ, and took their cross, or not. Both are required. The big things, and other people, are not in our hands. Women choose by choosing a right man, men choose by abiding as well, but more directly.
You don't have to like it. I certainly didn't. I looked, I would guess, in my own very unique ways, at every option. I dug through the trash, I looked through the stores, I went high and low. I searched myself, others, and things you can't know. I looked for any other way... to heaven. My stubbornness, and God's will, kept me from the consequences, but also from the answer. Until I ran out of options. Even then, I didn't care too much for the notion. He was very patient. Until, finally, I stumbled in, sure that this was just another wrong way, somehow. It was the only road left, I realized. It really isn't that bad. Actually, I could beat myself for struggling so hard against it. The way, however, isn't as it would seem. There are better, and worse, places to find it. As Christ said, find it where you are, not where you want it to be, or how you want it to be.
Those first steps are not easy. What? No sex on demand? No this, no that? Well... mostly. Until your footing becomes more sure, that will be piecemeal. The hungers will feed on themselves. In time, you will understand your hunger, the needs and wants behind them, and how to be right with them. Once on the path, and well, temptation will weaken. Oh, they never quite fully go away. But the hungers will become quite manageable. Further, when you do fall, you will know how to fix that. It's almost all wash and wear. If that is humbling, as if being a baby while knowing what you do. *splat* Still, humble and clean is better than dirty.
So... don't worry. Don't try to just be happy though either. Happiness sneaks up on you when doing what is right. Just look to God and follow. Follow the light, bear against the dark, fight it if that is before you, suffer it if you must, but do not let it be your focus. Right through hell on earth. While facing God, you can never be naked, dead, stripped of anything. Away from Him and you have no hope, no matter how strong, fast, influential, rich, poor, or how much you believe in a false justice. Just trust me. I've seen as many options, more actually than I can remember fully.
Nap?
.
.
It's what I saw on the menu, and ordered. I went down after noon. I can't be sure, but somewhere between noon-thiry and 14:30, I would guess. I set the alarm for 17:00, expecting to wake more like 16:00. I remember fussing with the alarm, but no details. I didn't wake until about 1:30. Some nap. Glad I didn't order a whole night of sleep! Must have needed it. Sure enjoyed it. I dreamed. A lot. The dreams are just on the tip of my tongue. Nothing harsh, just typical dreams. I remember two of the many, as I was waking. One seems to be totally gone, the other as I mentioned is just out of reach.
If I want to get out today, I'll probably need to nap. The stores don't open until 10:00. I doubt if I can make it that far and get out. So, somewhere around 6:00 to 8:00 I will try to hit it. I guess I can't wait until I've run the tank dry, or that close to it, before napping. I think the temps out there have simply dipped, and winter is officially here. I'll have to acclimate. No real problem, I think. Part of what one of my dreams told me. This used to be much more difficult, adjusting for seasonal change. It's improved. This year is looking very good. This is a very small bump on the road, this I can handle and recover from quickly. Mostly. Probably.
Still a bit tired. That is to be expected. It is getting better though. The fog has slowly been lifting. I am hoping to be fully back in the saddle in a week or less, but on to doing things today. To town, for sure, whatever it takes. Later.
.
It's what I saw on the menu, and ordered. I went down after noon. I can't be sure, but somewhere between noon-thiry and 14:30, I would guess. I set the alarm for 17:00, expecting to wake more like 16:00. I remember fussing with the alarm, but no details. I didn't wake until about 1:30. Some nap. Glad I didn't order a whole night of sleep! Must have needed it. Sure enjoyed it. I dreamed. A lot. The dreams are just on the tip of my tongue. Nothing harsh, just typical dreams. I remember two of the many, as I was waking. One seems to be totally gone, the other as I mentioned is just out of reach.
If I want to get out today, I'll probably need to nap. The stores don't open until 10:00. I doubt if I can make it that far and get out. So, somewhere around 6:00 to 8:00 I will try to hit it. I guess I can't wait until I've run the tank dry, or that close to it, before napping. I think the temps out there have simply dipped, and winter is officially here. I'll have to acclimate. No real problem, I think. Part of what one of my dreams told me. This used to be much more difficult, adjusting for seasonal change. It's improved. This year is looking very good. This is a very small bump on the road, this I can handle and recover from quickly. Mostly. Probably.
Still a bit tired. That is to be expected. It is getting better though. The fog has slowly been lifting. I am hoping to be fully back in the saddle in a week or less, but on to doing things today. To town, for sure, whatever it takes. Later.
Thursday, December 18, 2014
Ugh.
.
.
Breakfast, and clean up from that and supper. Watching episodes of the show. Struggling to get going. I did check my accounts. It looks like a dolly might be in the works. And a shirt I was considering has been ordered. While it isn't my style, at all... texture, type, or... wait, I am sort of into cheesecake, just usually on a calendar, not on clothing. Still, it's the idea. And, yes, I will wear it when it arrives, to particular places. *grins* I wasn't sure about sizing. Why, with a 52" chest, I generally wear only extra large, I can't say. And yet that is true. Usually. So I ordered my usual size and one size up. If all else fails, I am pretty sure I can get my money back by reselling the one that doesn't fit. Yeah, I could capitalize, but I won't. I will try to make sure whoever buys it intends on wearing it, then just break even on the sale. On some things, it's how I work.
I am gimping, a bit. Can't say why. Most projects, other than feeding the face, the girls, and showering have come to a stop. I've been tinkering with the thermostat, but that doesn't seem to be helping. I just can't get going. The next real task is to clean the spot of syrup off the carpet, prep the living room for using the steam vac, then get to that. I'm just not able to get to it. There are other jobs, chores, and such I could get to, but this one seems to be, to me anyway, the most likely to succeed in short order. It'll take cleaning the spot several times each day over several days to actually get the spot out enough that I am satisfied. I can arrange the room in the meantime, for an easier total clean. Vacuuming again, then wet vacuuming, then a few days to dry.
So many things I need to do, and want to do. But first, really, I need to get to town. I have a bunch of things to do there. Which will start some other projects, mostly cooking, when I return. Mushroom, goat cheese, and spinach; bacon and cheddar; and some other sorts of quiche. And, as I mentioned, going with home made crusts. Butter, cream, mushrooms, bacon, spinach, fresh flour, eggs, leeks, onion, parsley... perhaps a few other things. On top of a thumb drive or two and a heavy duty dolly if I can find one in town. Bleh... A nap, I think. Then a shower. Then, if I can, a trip to town. Later.
.
Breakfast, and clean up from that and supper. Watching episodes of the show. Struggling to get going. I did check my accounts. It looks like a dolly might be in the works. And a shirt I was considering has been ordered. While it isn't my style, at all... texture, type, or... wait, I am sort of into cheesecake, just usually on a calendar, not on clothing. Still, it's the idea. And, yes, I will wear it when it arrives, to particular places. *grins* I wasn't sure about sizing. Why, with a 52" chest, I generally wear only extra large, I can't say. And yet that is true. Usually. So I ordered my usual size and one size up. If all else fails, I am pretty sure I can get my money back by reselling the one that doesn't fit. Yeah, I could capitalize, but I won't. I will try to make sure whoever buys it intends on wearing it, then just break even on the sale. On some things, it's how I work.
I am gimping, a bit. Can't say why. Most projects, other than feeding the face, the girls, and showering have come to a stop. I've been tinkering with the thermostat, but that doesn't seem to be helping. I just can't get going. The next real task is to clean the spot of syrup off the carpet, prep the living room for using the steam vac, then get to that. I'm just not able to get to it. There are other jobs, chores, and such I could get to, but this one seems to be, to me anyway, the most likely to succeed in short order. It'll take cleaning the spot several times each day over several days to actually get the spot out enough that I am satisfied. I can arrange the room in the meantime, for an easier total clean. Vacuuming again, then wet vacuuming, then a few days to dry.
So many things I need to do, and want to do. But first, really, I need to get to town. I have a bunch of things to do there. Which will start some other projects, mostly cooking, when I return. Mushroom, goat cheese, and spinach; bacon and cheddar; and some other sorts of quiche. And, as I mentioned, going with home made crusts. Butter, cream, mushrooms, bacon, spinach, fresh flour, eggs, leeks, onion, parsley... perhaps a few other things. On top of a thumb drive or two and a heavy duty dolly if I can find one in town. Bleh... A nap, I think. Then a shower. Then, if I can, a trip to town. Later.
Alright?
.
.
Maybe. I crashed pretty hard and a bit early last night. I set the alarm, giving myself plenty of time to rest. I just didn't know if I would need it or not. The hope was to wake earlier, and I did. Sometime between 2:00 and 3:00 I woke, for the second or third bathroom break, then couldn't get back to sleep. I'm not sure with three wakes for that, it's rather unusual. I don't worry about something that happens once, only if it becomes chronic. Too many odd things happen, health wise, to worry.
I'm still a bit weary, as I have been for the last several days. That appears to be improving, but slowly. I am still eating at least daily, and taking care of dishes easily on the side. Well, and other things. Nothing big, it's difficult to focus and target projects, but I am doing little bits of this and that when I see, remember, or can focus. Not bad, really. I am sort of amazed at this downturn. I mean, this is seriously good for a downturn. Amazing, really.
No, I didn't make it to town yesterday. I was simply cooked, baked, fried, unable. Today, I hope. I would like to shop for a couple of thumb drives, bigger ones, with which to update files, perhaps even install security ware through them, onto the laptop, before I hook it in. I also want to look at dollys. Well, and I wouldn't mind finding ceramic baking beads, or such. Plus, I need various items for quiche and a few other meal types. Essentially, I am reviewing rough recipes, then will take my time and practice making quiche until I have it down. I know some people who might enjoy a free meal or two. There is no other way to get a skill down. I had thought to buy pie crusts, but I think I will make those myself. Perhaps a bit of both to compare? And I should see if my friend still needs help. I'm not the snappiest friend, but the intention is there.
I may, if I can keep on it, while waking this morning, make a few calls. It's been difficult to remember things, mostly going off instinct and happenstance lately, if not doing too badly even so. But the bigger, more distant, more involved, more out of sight things... those have been difficult to get to. I'm just, possibly, improving enough that I might be able to get to a small cache of required events and sooner rather than later. I'll... figure it out. Later.
.
Maybe. I crashed pretty hard and a bit early last night. I set the alarm, giving myself plenty of time to rest. I just didn't know if I would need it or not. The hope was to wake earlier, and I did. Sometime between 2:00 and 3:00 I woke, for the second or third bathroom break, then couldn't get back to sleep. I'm not sure with three wakes for that, it's rather unusual. I don't worry about something that happens once, only if it becomes chronic. Too many odd things happen, health wise, to worry.
I'm still a bit weary, as I have been for the last several days. That appears to be improving, but slowly. I am still eating at least daily, and taking care of dishes easily on the side. Well, and other things. Nothing big, it's difficult to focus and target projects, but I am doing little bits of this and that when I see, remember, or can focus. Not bad, really. I am sort of amazed at this downturn. I mean, this is seriously good for a downturn. Amazing, really.
No, I didn't make it to town yesterday. I was simply cooked, baked, fried, unable. Today, I hope. I would like to shop for a couple of thumb drives, bigger ones, with which to update files, perhaps even install security ware through them, onto the laptop, before I hook it in. I also want to look at dollys. Well, and I wouldn't mind finding ceramic baking beads, or such. Plus, I need various items for quiche and a few other meal types. Essentially, I am reviewing rough recipes, then will take my time and practice making quiche until I have it down. I know some people who might enjoy a free meal or two. There is no other way to get a skill down. I had thought to buy pie crusts, but I think I will make those myself. Perhaps a bit of both to compare? And I should see if my friend still needs help. I'm not the snappiest friend, but the intention is there.
I may, if I can keep on it, while waking this morning, make a few calls. It's been difficult to remember things, mostly going off instinct and happenstance lately, if not doing too badly even so. But the bigger, more distant, more involved, more out of sight things... those have been difficult to get to. I'm just, possibly, improving enough that I might be able to get to a small cache of required events and sooner rather than later. I'll... figure it out. Later.
Wednesday, December 17, 2014
Death is not preferred.
.
.
Freak. Call me what you wish.
God spoke, vicariously, through a dream. The message was sure. I heard. Initially, in my grogginess, I could not fathom the meaning. Death is not preferred. I asked, debated, but knew. Yes, I knew. Further, about whom I knew. I just didn't... want to know. I wished only to end, end them, and it. No, you don't understand.
.
Freak. Call me what you wish.
God spoke, vicariously, through a dream. The message was sure. I heard. Initially, in my grogginess, I could not fathom the meaning. Death is not preferred. I asked, debated, but knew. Yes, I knew. Further, about whom I knew. I just didn't... want to know. I wished only to end, end them, and it. No, you don't understand.
A bit pinched.
.
.
Between sleep oddities, a promise to help a friend, and a scheduled event last evening, my last few days have been... difficult. Without anything else, I saw the opportunity to retake days back into scheduled focus. That alone was a bear. The weather has cooled, and changed, adding effort to the existing rigor. Then, I was told there would be an event. A Christmas show, which I really wished to attend. Yeah, I am an ogre. And yet, it is a good thing, even to me. Music, fellowship, with attention on Christ, God, the Holy Spirit. Twenty years ago, I might have barked a laugh at such an invitation. No, not for the reasons suspected. I wasn't worthy. I still question that, a bit. But God did ring. I have followed to where He led, as well as I am able. I bowed, went to my knees really, in humility and for forgiveness. Even when standing I try to remain on my knees. Always in God's presence, if I don't always see it... or remember.
Anyway, I have been keeping a day schedule, mostly. It's been very rough. Not much else happening. I haven't completely dogged out of life. Food, dishes, minor upkeep, showering, medicine. It is bottom of the barrel stuff, compared to recent weeks and months, but it is a decent baseline. Even the girls have noticed, and appreciate, the new step up to the plate of life. Messing with me is much more fun when, on the spur of a moment, I will pop up and hunt them back. Cats love the give and take of hunting and being hunted, attention seeking and giving, if at random moments for best results.
Today I am hoping to keep going well enough to finally get to town early enough to look for a number of things. I want to do a pricecheck for a heavy duty dolly, and perhaps see if local prices for Lightroom 5. I found one that does stairs (supposedly) rather well. The problem is it doesn't handle much weight. I can't swear how much a washer, dryer, or refrigerator weigh, but I am guessing my dryer is into the #100-200 pound area, and in a tight spot, so difficult to manage even more so. As I have been keeping up on the place, and doing more, I am hoping to clear and clean the back porch. Under the machines, and all. But I really need a strong dolly for that. And, next year, I hope to buy a new refrigerator... one that is specifically easy to clean and has a good reputation for maintaining temperature control. I hate meats refreezing in the refrigerator. Refreezing makes meat bland. Bought frozen or fresh, it was at least frozen once before. If "fresh", then it is definitely already twice frozen. A third refreezing, or fourth depending on how the butcher worked it, really things out the value of the meat. Yeah, yeah, most don't know, or care. It's just protein, right? Nutritional, and flavor, values, take a hit each time, from what I understand.
Anyway, yes, I am hoping to make a trip to town. Not, most likely, until around noon. Maybe early afternoon. It's as good as I can do. I have managed to get sleep in order, for daytime, but it's been, and remains, quite a bit of an effort. I don't know if I will be able to keep it going. There isn't much daylight, mind you, but it's more a clock than light schedule. If it doesn't hold, I will begin spinning through day and night again. We'll see. Oh... while in town I need to remember to pick up ingredients for quiche. I will be making three or four, to practice. Bacon in some, mushroom in other, with leek and spinach for vegetables, cheese of various sorts, and cream, in all. Perhaps fresh chopped parsley in a few of them, maybe onion and garlic as well, in some. Hopefully I will get a picture of any that turn out to my liking, while exhibiting photogenic properties.
For now, a few cups of coffee, a couple of episodes of the show, then a shower and air dry time. A bit pinched, certainly. But pinched no longer means completely lame. Later.
.
Between sleep oddities, a promise to help a friend, and a scheduled event last evening, my last few days have been... difficult. Without anything else, I saw the opportunity to retake days back into scheduled focus. That alone was a bear. The weather has cooled, and changed, adding effort to the existing rigor. Then, I was told there would be an event. A Christmas show, which I really wished to attend. Yeah, I am an ogre. And yet, it is a good thing, even to me. Music, fellowship, with attention on Christ, God, the Holy Spirit. Twenty years ago, I might have barked a laugh at such an invitation. No, not for the reasons suspected. I wasn't worthy. I still question that, a bit. But God did ring. I have followed to where He led, as well as I am able. I bowed, went to my knees really, in humility and for forgiveness. Even when standing I try to remain on my knees. Always in God's presence, if I don't always see it... or remember.
Anyway, I have been keeping a day schedule, mostly. It's been very rough. Not much else happening. I haven't completely dogged out of life. Food, dishes, minor upkeep, showering, medicine. It is bottom of the barrel stuff, compared to recent weeks and months, but it is a decent baseline. Even the girls have noticed, and appreciate, the new step up to the plate of life. Messing with me is much more fun when, on the spur of a moment, I will pop up and hunt them back. Cats love the give and take of hunting and being hunted, attention seeking and giving, if at random moments for best results.
Today I am hoping to keep going well enough to finally get to town early enough to look for a number of things. I want to do a pricecheck for a heavy duty dolly, and perhaps see if local prices for Lightroom 5. I found one that does stairs (supposedly) rather well. The problem is it doesn't handle much weight. I can't swear how much a washer, dryer, or refrigerator weigh, but I am guessing my dryer is into the #100-200 pound area, and in a tight spot, so difficult to manage even more so. As I have been keeping up on the place, and doing more, I am hoping to clear and clean the back porch. Under the machines, and all. But I really need a strong dolly for that. And, next year, I hope to buy a new refrigerator... one that is specifically easy to clean and has a good reputation for maintaining temperature control. I hate meats refreezing in the refrigerator. Refreezing makes meat bland. Bought frozen or fresh, it was at least frozen once before. If "fresh", then it is definitely already twice frozen. A third refreezing, or fourth depending on how the butcher worked it, really things out the value of the meat. Yeah, yeah, most don't know, or care. It's just protein, right? Nutritional, and flavor, values, take a hit each time, from what I understand.
Anyway, yes, I am hoping to make a trip to town. Not, most likely, until around noon. Maybe early afternoon. It's as good as I can do. I have managed to get sleep in order, for daytime, but it's been, and remains, quite a bit of an effort. I don't know if I will be able to keep it going. There isn't much daylight, mind you, but it's more a clock than light schedule. If it doesn't hold, I will begin spinning through day and night again. We'll see. Oh... while in town I need to remember to pick up ingredients for quiche. I will be making three or four, to practice. Bacon in some, mushroom in other, with leek and spinach for vegetables, cheese of various sorts, and cream, in all. Perhaps fresh chopped parsley in a few of them, maybe onion and garlic as well, in some. Hopefully I will get a picture of any that turn out to my liking, while exhibiting photogenic properties.
For now, a few cups of coffee, a couple of episodes of the show, then a shower and air dry time. A bit pinched, certainly. But pinched no longer means completely lame. Later.
Tuesday, December 16, 2014
A bit off, a bit rough.
.
.
Not too bad. Just not as good as it has been. Pushing my clock around hasn't been easy. I wasn't doing it on purpose, it just turned out that way as I was trying to get some things done. I keep doing this and that, adding little tasks in when I can. I am slowing down. Fewer extra tasks, fewer main tasks. Weather may be shifting a bit too. Still, not bad.
Today I am hoping to get into town, to see what is available for a dolly, and then help my friend out. I was able to stay awake until past 19:00, then slept a full night. The body is a bit sore and tired. But I am keeping up on the house. Not the best but not too bad. As for the camera, all I really need to do is practice with it, if I do want to do some research on a couple of shooting scenarios. This time taking notes. The problem with research and study is you can end up doing that until your eyes bleed and it won't end up helping you produce a good shot. Between variabilities that can't be foreseen, the reality that reading isn't the same as doing, and mechanics versus thought, the only way to get a reliably good photograph in a particular setting is to practice a great deal. So... that is what I am going to have to do. Still, a couple of notes to give me something to work with while flopping or even succeeding but not quite optimally, would be good.
This week I am hoping to get to some business in which calls and sending packages might be necessary. There are a couple of minor, but important, tasks regarding home upkeep, and a few social projects. But, really, this week is mostly going to be easy. I don't quite have what it takes to begin tearing into the whole bedroom, or tearing apart the en suite, or... anything big. Just a bunch of little things, along with keeping up on dishes, laundry, and such. Changing sleep schedule really beats me up, and weather changes can knock me down a peg or two. Even so, even in this weakened state, I am doing better now than I did in my best condition this summer. I'll take it.
Later.
.
Not too bad. Just not as good as it has been. Pushing my clock around hasn't been easy. I wasn't doing it on purpose, it just turned out that way as I was trying to get some things done. I keep doing this and that, adding little tasks in when I can. I am slowing down. Fewer extra tasks, fewer main tasks. Weather may be shifting a bit too. Still, not bad.
Today I am hoping to get into town, to see what is available for a dolly, and then help my friend out. I was able to stay awake until past 19:00, then slept a full night. The body is a bit sore and tired. But I am keeping up on the house. Not the best but not too bad. As for the camera, all I really need to do is practice with it, if I do want to do some research on a couple of shooting scenarios. This time taking notes. The problem with research and study is you can end up doing that until your eyes bleed and it won't end up helping you produce a good shot. Between variabilities that can't be foreseen, the reality that reading isn't the same as doing, and mechanics versus thought, the only way to get a reliably good photograph in a particular setting is to practice a great deal. So... that is what I am going to have to do. Still, a couple of notes to give me something to work with while flopping or even succeeding but not quite optimally, would be good.
This week I am hoping to get to some business in which calls and sending packages might be necessary. There are a couple of minor, but important, tasks regarding home upkeep, and a few social projects. But, really, this week is mostly going to be easy. I don't quite have what it takes to begin tearing into the whole bedroom, or tearing apart the en suite, or... anything big. Just a bunch of little things, along with keeping up on dishes, laundry, and such. Changing sleep schedule really beats me up, and weather changes can knock me down a peg or two. Even so, even in this weakened state, I am doing better now than I did in my best condition this summer. I'll take it.
Later.
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