So dark.

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I woke sometime between 8:00 and 9:00.  Actually probably earlier, but it didn't look like it was day yet.  I can't believe how dark it actually is, or was.  It is lightening just a bit.  No worries, I don't see much rain or snow arriving.  I'm not sure about flooding, as snow up high melts though.  It wouldn't be much of a problem right here.  But serious flooding could cause some problems getting to town.  I haven't seen more than a scare of that.

I received an email telling my my phone should be working.  I would like to have had someone stop and make sure.  I was here, so it wasn't for lack of that.  I really hate companies who connect and run.  It's pretty chickenshit.  Very.  I'll check my phones, see if I have anything working through either of them.  I had a few other questions too.  I suppose I can look things up online, but that is general, and often questionable, information.  How long can I run a split line, for example.  I don't seem to have a connection in this the computer room, or the living room.  How many splits off one line, or can I add two splitters in a row?  Say, bring a line from the bedroom or kitchen into the living room, then split one off from that into the computer room?  That is, assuming any of my lines actually work.

Today?  A shower, dishes, picking up the meat order, calling the phone company to thank them for the chickenshittery and ask those questions, or get them back here if the phone doesn't work.  I'm not paying for a dead hookup, either.  It's such a nasty greedy rude world these days.

There is some hope I'll get to these things, and more.  Oh, and catch back up on medicine.  I keep missing.  This time it was being laid low by the dark and cool.  I just lose track when it's like this all of a sudden and for a while.  I'll... get back to it.  Later.

The problem with Republicans.

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Obamacare-light?  What that is saying is a continuation of socialized medicine.  Look who is supporting it.  Republicans who don't face a challenge in '18 and leftists dressed as Republicans.  Who is against it?  Republicans who will have to face typical conservative voters.  I am hoping the latter win.

It would be better to kill zerocare, even without replacing it, than to allow any part of it to stay.  If any part of it stays, it will very possibly eventually lead to singlepayer plans.  What is that?  It is government controlled medicine.  If this isn't stopped it will only become stronger.  If they cut it a bit now, but leave it rooted, it will destroy medicine in short order.

Some are trying to accuse Republicans who know better, or at least face elections by people who know better, of standing on principle.  This... isn't principle.  If zerocare or zerocare-light are the law, then there will be no difference.  Might as well keep it pure zerocare, because that will burn out much more quickly and force a total revision.  Zerocare-light will, as has been done on almost all things government, merely kick the can on down the road for... who knows how long.

Choices.  Burn zerocare-light.  Do NOT let that pass.  You have to kill this thing now.  The cost, in all ways, for Republicans to not listen to us and to not do what is smart, is total disaster.  Chaos is coming.

If they disturb your Zen, give them a bird.

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No, not that bird.  And, not always just one.  Flock them, if need be.

Well, it's just a suggestion.

Ah! Can't travel today.

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Not immediately.  Telephone installation.  I have no idea when that might be.  I best keep my phone nearby and such.  Oh, and I could look for the various jacks.  I know there is one in the kitchen.  I think there is on in the bedroom, perhaps both bedrooms.  I would like to check the bathrooms.  Not terribly sure I want a phone in bathrooms.  Then again, if your luck is like mine?  It's when I am in there that I receive calls.  It makes one wonder if companies think they are funny or cosmic alliances try to be so.

I have two phones, currently.  Nothing fancy with them.  However, they are corded start to stop, no open air communications.  If they want to bug me, they'll have to do it the newer old fashioned way.  It used to be that they had to literally attach something to the phone.  Now, more often than not, they can simply splice the lines and listen in at their leisure.  Well, and if you transmit over the air, they can grab that.  My bet is they don't even bother with judges when they listen to the airwaves.  I wouldn't even say they are playing fast and loose.  I believe our government has completely disregarded judicial oversight (if in some cases rightly, that is breaking the system).  At this point the government is weaponized against us and the judiciary, through it's own corruptions and overreach, has crippled itself and seems to be insisting on going all the way.  Just telling you.

I might have time to pick up the meat that was ordered, or not.  If so I will, and might make it on in for that last little bit of shopping.  I opened a tin of butter, nice to have, but it's... not as good as fresh butter.  Powdered milk just... doesn't cut it.  It would be an emergency staple, nothing more.  Yeah, I'll get in either today or tomorrow.  Oh, and I should check on the hog.  I don't know if I will do lamb again.  It was great, but a bit pricey.  Pork and beef, and now I am adding chicken a bit more, for meats.  I'd love fish, but what I can trust is out of my daily-driver pricing.  To get something that doesn't "pass" through China (which means... they can't be trusted, it is just as likely stuffed with their own poison-water caught fish)... it's $30 plus per pound for that.  Maybe a quarterly treat, no more, I have decided.

I just wish I could figure out fishing.  A week up there, a month... camping and eating from my freezer... would allow me to catch trout.  Have to avoid some waters though, they require you to take lesser fish... no catch and release on some.  Can't guarantee trout take.  So be it, but I'll fish where I can make that choice.  If I could get to fishing, and get good enough at it.  *shrug*  If I had a friend to go on fishing trips with, that would help.  Though... maybe even not then?  Camping and fishing, cooking out there and all else, is... a bit of effort.  Once it's down, though, perhaps... it might be more doable?  Hmm... I might, actually, know someone.  If I could afford the extras and gas, and he could talk his wife out of his presence for a bit or to go with...  Could be.  I might check on that.

Oh... on to... something.  Later.

Another day.

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I probably should close up the house at night.  It's still a bit too chilly.  It makes getting going a trifle complicated.  I may have to turn the furnace on for a bit this morning.  Best to turn it off by noon though, as the afternoons are getting a bit too warm.  No dreams or troubles, just a good sleep.

Dishes, today, and a trip to pick up steaks.  I forgot a few things when shopping, and am running out of milk from the second to last shopping.  Mustard, milk, butter, and 8-gallon trash bags should work.  I bought a couple of trash bins, one for the laundry room and one for the bathroom.

I have tried the step-on lid-opening trash cans, just one, in the bathroom.  I find it annoying.  I may dust it off and see if anyone wants it.  I even bought trash bags just for it.  The whole thing is annoying.  Somewhat fancy, with stainless plates.  Never really did end up using it.  Hate to toss it, but that may be what happens.  Trust me, annoying.  I much prefer something that is always open, has a larger target for trash, and allows for the bag to be pulled and replaced without some strange and complicated process for removal and replacement.  And it doesn't hold much.  Bleh.

Yeah, but first turning up the furnace and waking.  Later.

Another dark day.

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That and I had the windows open.  I thought I would be able to work through it.  I ended up going down for a serious count.  Eventually I had to shut the windows and turn up the heat.  I still napped a bit longer until it was warm enough so that I could wake.  Ugh... a four hour nap.  I crashed so very hard.  It is still dark, overcast.  It's not a bad thing, it just, along with the chill, was too much.

I am hoping to get to dishes before too long.  And if that goes well, then hit dried laundry.  That may be it for today.  I simply don't have energy beyond that.  Two dark days, back to back, crashed my systems.  Later.

Another day, a good one.

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I did have a troubling dream.  In it something broke my front door.  It wasn't meant to enter my home, but to disturb.  It wasn't even a physical attack, it was spiritual.  It was meant to annoy, insult, or such.  Old friends.  Very, very, old friends visited.  Friends no more to be sure.  And, yet, kin as well.  That will never change.

I called the police, though merely to make a statement so that insurance would pay the damages... or at least that avenue would be open.  I warned them not to approach unless everything seemed right to them.  I asked that they sound their alarm when they arrived so that I could go out to them.  I was unwilling to have them harmed for this.  I told them to drive on by if a large darkness was present.  Sure, they might have thought be a bit crazy.  But, oddly, I have saved disbelievers lives in the past at such a risk.  They don't believe, but if something is odd they will leave.  They will continue to deny, then treat me differently from then on, but they will live.

The sun hid.

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I'm not sure if it was mostly that way when I woke, or if it happened sometime midday.  All I know is, at about midday, I myself clocked out.  The house is airing out, windows open here and there.  Life is more comfortable with fresh cool air.  But with the sun being a recluse, sleep took over.  I feel exhausted even yet.  I am trying to avoid killing my schedule fully though.

I set the dishes to a fresh rinse before going down.  I'll have to dump some of that and refresh it, before drying them.  But I think I can.  The only other thing I might get done yet tonight would be working on laundry.  Fried.  I'll make some large effort to kick those things out for a clean start tomorrow.

Oh, was having internet problems.  Either the internet, my portion of it, or the mechanical nature of it, is a problem, or it is busy.  It really isn't built to handle anything close to full demand.  When you have an hundred passengers on a device meant for fifty, the experience tends to suck.  Oh, no, we don't have a problem, they will say.  What they won't say is, yes, YOU have a problem.  Get it?  Me either.

Hopefully that has improved, but I don't see how it would.  What happens in a pond full of fish trying to suck too little oxygen out of too little water?  Increased demand.  Eventually it, along with much else, has to pop.  Building that much infrastructure isn't... really... possible.  Not quickly.  Regardless what they say, the plan is for fewer workers, getting money this or that way, with free services to occupy our time.  Well, and sites to "register" our unhappiness about "x".  Ridicules.  Do you think they don't know or that they care?  They will give what they want.  They will merely gauge when they have to give more grain, blood sport, or "X", depending on their whims, not our needs or even wants.  Volume equals another release of something.  I'm telling you, better to hold onto your rage to make sure things change, not spend it to notify them to send more "X".

Hmm?  Oh... nothing.  I don't think most get it.  Yeah!  Go team "X"!  :p

No time for that.

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I escape there from time to time.  That I live at all is beyond... probability.  Some have even attempted to help get me over, for their or my purposes only they, for sure, can know.  All is never as it seems.

She tried to save me, a she, several of them.  The first who tried thought she failed.  She did, but it was not I who was lost.  The world, and seeming reality, is upside down in strange ways.  She did lose me, but in the end it was I who survived.  If in a place and way so that I could not save her.  Though I am all but certain she could not have been saved.

There was that.

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I am not sure when I went to bed.  Perhaps after 18:00, maybe even beyond 20:00?  Perhaps before 18:00?  I just.  I kept looking at the time, hoping to remember.  I simply did too much, and was awake too long, given recent history, to have had anything left for that last bit of memory.  No worries.  I am more than enough happy with what I did and how long I was awake, especially given recent history, to have to pay that minor price.  Right at bedtime I flipped and flopped the mattress, then made the bed.  A fresh linens and a freshly made bed, turned down, is a treat.

Today?  Hopefully, mostly, dishes.  At least what remains to rinse, then at least a first soak and wash for what remains.  As well, work on laundry.  Mostly dealing with the clothes and linens that have been washed and dried already.  If those things go forward, I will do one last thing and hit more dirty laundry.  Small batches, folding as I go.

As that goes, so goes the rest.  This week will be dedicated to getting the kitchen back in order, the bathroom put back to rights, and food back to production.  Then back to the main bedroom, then living room.  Separating what is to be thrown and what will otherwise go where... and calls to find out how much a dumpster costs and considerations of when to get one in.  If I am mostly ready for it, I can probably get it for as little as a month with weekly pickups, maybe just two weeks if they will work that way.  But I have to be ready to toss, at least mostly.  I have purchased a heavy duty shredder both to that end and to begin keeping up on "mail".  Most of it is junk, but all of it seems to have too much information on it to be lightly tossed.  Munch a munch.

I honestly am a bit surprised with what I accomplished yesterday.  Today will be a light day.  Then, maybe, as much as I can, back at it tomorrow.  Oh... my ps4 updated.  Now I can't watch video.  What do these clowns do?  If you can't get it right, pretty much every time?  Don't do it.  These updates aren't helping anyone.  It is just them trying to hold onto every little penny, and trying to force us to play games in such a way that they can expose us to as much advertising and social conditioning as possible.  Louts.  If you can't even do it right, don't do it.

Later.

Bits and pieces, again.

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I have arranged for a landline, to be installed Tuesday.  I am hoping to check several outlets while the installer is here, to make sure they work.  If not perhaps I can get some work on that scheduled.  Three or four phones is more convenient.  It is more expensive than it used to be.  But it's never been cheap.  Way back in the late 80's or early 90's, the last time I had a landline, it was $30~$35 and somewhat limited.  I don't think I had unlimited long distance as I am getting with this.  I have serious doubts about what might be local, where I live.  And I hate not having a solid idea about the bill.  When it's in, I'll get it set up for automatic payments as well.

I tried to find my schedule card for a haircut.  I'm trying to keep it neat, at least.  I must have lost the card.  So I called in.  Apparently I am not listed for this or next week.  I'll have to ask the barber about it.  Yeah, she is licensed as both a barber and beautician.  Anyway... I know I had been set up for sometime this week.  I'll see if she doesn't want my business.  Nothing personal, on my part.  But... maybe she just doesn't like me.  In any case, I have an appointment set up for as soon as possible.

The bed is stripped.  The first load of bedding is going.  I'll wait until it is finished, then perhaps do another load of bedding, mostly blankets.  When that load is done, I'll get a shower in.  Shopping and picking up the steaks on the way home after that.  I couldn't find fresh baking powder/soda, so the bed will just have to air out simply.  Hmm... could turn the fan on.  It's not that it smells horrible, it's more that I don't want it to begin doing so.  I'll flip and turn it when I get back from shopping.

What else?  Ah.  A little break from laundry, this, and that, then I'll get the trash collected and out before I take a shower.  I've let some things go, and can tell it.  When things are removed, and if and when it is warm enough, I'll open up the cave and let the spring air clear some of that out.  Yeah... work, work, work.  But I seem to be doing okay.  Hmm?  Oh, I'd love one of those steaks tonight.  I have other meat thawed though.  I will put a steak, maybe two, out for later in the week.  Oh yeah.

On to... the rest of it.  Ah, this will go out later in the day.  It is nearly noon.  Just... a thing.  Later.
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Done, and more.  To town grocery shopping.  Everything is put up.  All of the laundry is finished drying.  I need to flip, and flop, the mattress, putt on the bedding, and sleep when I can.  A wonderful lot of work.  I didn't get the dishes going.  Tomorrow.  I hope to finish the rinse loads, then put the pots and pans that had become a bit too ripe to soak.  Perhaps wash them at least once, as well, while hopefully airing the house out.

I am tired, but... good.  Not sore, not stretched, just... a reasonable weariness for a fair amount of effort.  Strange, after being down for so long, how I can just get up, sometimes.  Good night.

Up well.

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I won't need heat, unless a really cold spell arrives.  Again, this morning, it's 68 in the main of the house.  That is definitely warm enough for me.  I had hoped to stay asleep until 4:00 but only made it to nearly 3:00.  Brushed my teeth first thing, will get a shower in before long then set the dishes for a rinse, perhaps finishing some out.  I would like to get beans on the soak.  A batch of ham and beans would be one main food for the week.  I ordered a large placket of ribeyes yesterday and will do other shopping when I go out to pick those up.

Yeah, probably.  I did call a couple of phone companies listed as local.  One was closed.  Weird that a bigger company would ever be closed.  The other one simply doesn't offer service in my exact location.  I have one phone on hand, and have ordered another.  Both to have phones in several locations, hopefully, and to try to make sure at least one of them will work.  All are corded.  I'm tired of eavesdropping.  Oh, it might still occur.  But it will be as illegal as hell.

With the dishes, shopping, and other things on the move, I am going to hit laundry as well.  Actually I mean to strip the bed, after this, take all bedding into the laundry room, and start with the sheets from this and last time, then blankets.  When I strip the bed, I'll dust the mattress with baking soda/powder... you know which... I'll then 'dust off' the powder/soda and turn and flip the mattress later today.

All this will make me sore.  I've been... down for a long time.  Soreness is good.  Doing that, and finishing dishes today, and taking out the trash while setting up another load of dishes and cleaning the kitchen?  Yeah, maybe. Some, most, all, maybe more.  We'll see.  Chop, chop, Hopsing!  Burning daylight.

Good morning and day.  Chop, chop!

Warm.

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Almost too warm.  The report suggests it hit 71 today.  I'm not quite ready for that.  I called my mother though.  She says it was 8 below this morning.  Yeah, at this point in the game, if I have to choose, I might just go with the heat wave.  Oh, and they got eight inches of snow as well.  Yeah.  I... think I'll go with the heat.  Not only that, but the sun is becoming potent and is out for longer... two different things, both are more like multipliers than additives.  With a stone house, that means the place doesn't cool down so much.  The furnace, at night, is set at 66 F.  It is only cooling to 68... fine in that the furnace doesn't ever run.  But I need the fan, until I get used to it.  Yeah, I'm... a creature of fire.

I hit the dishes.  I am hoping to get a shower.  Then I'll have to set the dishes to a final rinse.  I am hoping to do beans and ham.  I also have some other meats thawing.  I have created a list of groceries, for whenever I get in.  I am behind, and still not moving fast.  The shower might help.  The heat might push me along, if it doesn't burn me out.  Yeah, I'll keep trying.

Business to do.  Lots of it.  Far behind.  I've been fried though.  I am hoping a shower today and tomorrow, and all else, might get me going.  So much business to do or check!  I should make a list just for that.  Medicine is going, and may still be part of the problem.  You have no idea and you probably don't want a sample of my life.  You will get it.  I just pray it isn't decades of this level of complication and pain.  Then again, when you get used to it, it's doable.  Just take it a bit slower.  If you can learn to hide the pain.  Good day.

One little choice can make a large difference.

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Quitting gab, if that isn't all.  I've backed out of a whole political and social system that went with it.  Too much faggotry, too many questionable notions, too much too much.  At this point, if it isn't Christian, and rather solidly, traditional, then it isn't for me.  That includes not going to most churches, including many Catholic churches.  It certainly excludes many secular or general Christian groups, orgs, and associations.  You can't be pro-gay, hateful to those of us who disagree, AND Christian.  You have just failed, miserably.  You also can't be totally pro-government, anti-nationalist, pro-open borders, AND Christian.  It doesn't work that way.

I don't have to win, here on earth.  As a fact, the best I can possibly do is draw even until I draw my last breath, and that will happen if I die of truly natural causes.  If my life is shortened, or simply ended against my will, all that is right and true, and God's true notions, then I will have lost... in an earthly way.  To be honest, I'm... thinking I probably already lost.  But, that isn't even important, save to those who believe only in this earth.  Winning on earth isn't my goal.  That will surely see one, almost certainly, to losing beyond.  That I don't want to do.

I see that I obviously don't fit in the world.  And the part that was breaking away so as, in theory, to make a place for my kind... has failed.  As I thought, my kind have to make our own place.  We have to create, protect, and manage our little bit of the world as best we are able.  Some things need to be government, such as the protection of the nation.  Though how can a nation be protecting me by allowing foreigners in without even checking for legal issues, illness, or anything else?  My government, or parts of it, are at war with me and mine.  I don't know if there is an organization out there to join, even loosely.  But Gab, and the alt-right sum total, is becoming just as questionable as big and little 'l' libertarianism, the republican party, the tea party, and the rest.

Alt-right seems to be trying to be bigger tent than the republican party, more stylish and queer than libertarianism, and more popular than the tea party.  There is alt-white, which is just a refresh of the democrat party.  It won't work.  There are the Jew haters, which is the wrong target... it's isn't Jewish elites, it's most elites, who want socialism so long as cronyism is primary.  Jewish, Catholic, Mormon, all of the elites are on the wrong side.  Globalism and socialism work to their greedy and sometimes dark ends, not ours, and very specifically and directly not America and Americans' benefits.  Globalism would destroy all we have believed America to be.  Yeah... there isn't a race or religion that bears the mark as singular scapegoat.  Or exact government.  It is the merging and allowances of big government and big business, from elite to bureaucrat to lying cheating elected official.

Hmm? I don't know.

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I remember when I was young.  I didn't know what I didn't know.  No one took me seriously.  Why should they.  I couldn't even call them out.  Though I suspect I made the effort.  Used to bite, too.  Ankle-biter indeed.

Food.

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I have to figure out food again.  I have gotten behind on everything.  I'll have to dig through the house, first.  Cleaning, clearing, getting the kitchen in order, work, work, work.  I need to get this all figured out.  Food will just have to work itself out, for a bit.  After that?  Plans.

Food prep doesn't haven't to be just a medium and long term thing.  Short term can go in on it, to some degree. Weekly menu planning?  Well, some of it.  If I can have enough cooked and ready for a week, or two, even just a meal or two a day, that would be good.  Some of it... I don't think it can all be planned, and prepped on one day, but that is... sort of the new goal.

Perhaps making spaghetti meat sauce, use zucchini in or a few other things for base, make a ham and bean soup, and perhaps one other thing... pack them in portioned containers, and just eat as needed?  There are several problems.  But it isn't impossible.  Container clear, clean, and return?  Would probably need two groups of containers, enough for two 2-week plans.  At least.  Enough for 3 weeks might be wiser.

Next, creating menus.  Perhaps a main meal per day, better snacks, and a few variable items for mixing and matching.  I have seen people set up a week of just one meal.  I... just couldn't do that.  All of this is questionable.  Lots of doubts, worries, concerns.  Just... but... maybe.  It would be, to my mind, a good way to go.  I would like to see about it.  I am not sure I can keep up, and follow through.  If I could, it would be a huge boon.  I've got to do something.

I am doing well enough, financially.  Next month I will easily be well back in the saddle.  I mean surprisingly well back in the black.  I may begin planning to get some help here, cleaning and all.  Or checking on the dumpster.  Maybe both.  At least as soon as I can get going a bit more strongly.  No reason to have a dumpster I can't fill.  Ugh...  I am getting better, but... slowly... and not more energetic.  I'm... I'll... keep at it.  Later.

Did it early.

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I quit gab.  I just saw no reason to stay.  The news was just as questionable as elsewhere, and purely political.  Mostly it favored one political direction, but in the paradigm that there is only left and right, communist and socialist, and nothing else.  Of no real use to any but the media and academic who live in their false little worlds... and those who want to be a part of that.

People would drop me for... something, anything, nothing... or join.  Many aren't who they said, supporting Jews but not, or being Christian but having very odd takes if so.  No one was really your friend.  They wanted likes, having their posts resposted, and upvotes.  Rarely returned.  And they would hunt in packs, some vast groups in there.  Hens, in large and smaller groups.  Only men, such as myself, didn't really get involved, mostly.

One less pain in the butt to think about.  Thankfully it wasn't too terribly emotional, one way or the other.  I was simply trying to figure the thing out.  I won't say I did.  I will say I probably have a better idea than most.  You can get the likes and links if you sell yourself, but just so much.  The crowd is fickle and will turn on you in a heartbeat.  Too much or too little access, alone, can cause problems.  I got to 6k followers, and at most followed ~22k accounts.  I was just curious.

It... just wasn't worth the time.  Well, and my account had stopped growing.  Along with all else, I suppose I simply thought that I had seen and done about all I could.  I wasn't willing to try selling or buying any more than what I did.  Perhaps I will blog more.  Or I will end even this.  I'm not seeing a point to it all.  No one comments here.  Hmm...  Maybe just make it private?

Funny thing?  For as hated as I am?  The junkies might just shoot me for going offline.  Yeah, right?  Though I think some who use such have wrung my blog dry.  Especially with nothing coming up fresh.  I'll think on it.  I'm still betting that a lot of people didn't think I would quit, even at the 100 day mark.  I don't have their addiction.  Later.

I see more clearly over time.

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Any problem eventually solves itself, if you put in some thought.  For example, the problem with much of politics today is that the left is dressing itself up, again, as the right.  The push on gab, for example, for Wilders, is a foul play.  Wilders might be against muslim warmigration, but he is left in all other ways.  I think he is even gay.  That was out once, then they tried to hide it, and have since.  As I have suggested, that isn't the way forward for the West.  If that is what the hope of the West must rely on, many would rather see it burn down and allowed to regrow.

Oh, I realize there are many on that side.  I also know that those who are against it will simply stop supporting any politicians.  Yes, I have dropped politics.  I might have, in some ways, in my writings, occasionally in conversations, and strongly, supported Trump.  But that was it.  I do not have much involvement with politics these days.  Faith, prayer, God, that is about it.  Politics has become, for the most part, a ruin... having nothing to do with the hope of my or any people.  When everyone has the vote, nobody does.  And it is much easier to fix.  Hell, North Korea holds elections.  It's illegal NOT to vote.  Probably China too.  You... should get it just from that, but you won't.

I had hoped gab would be a source of news.  And, sometimes, it can be.  But the news is from the left/gay portion of the so-called "right".  Not of much interest.  As well, much fake news.  A lot of "reporters" trying to make a name for themselves by writing long, boring, meandering, articles that don't even end in a good point.  Though, from what I have seen of the media these days, that's... about par for the course.

I suggested I might stick around until after his first 100 days.  I am rethinking that.  Besides, social media seems to be a propaganda production contest more than anything else.  I'm just not interested in going that way.  Might as well hook up to a morphine drip and slide that way, I suppose.  It just isn't my thing.  I'll decide, or... time will slip to the 100 days.  You don't have to make up your mind, always.  Some things will just happen.

Later.

Odd things.

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A name.  Some thoughts shared.  Shouldn't.  Much like this blog but elsewhere.  It's why I don't invite them in.  Besides, I know gab is goofing with the numbers I am seeing.  Why they would do it I don't know.  My "viewers" are pegged at 6404.  The problem is, when people ask to follow and then I accept?  The number doesn't change.  I am wondering how many I really have.  It probably wouldn't be higher.  I suspect it is far smaller, say... a few thousands, hundreds, less?  I just don't know.  I am not exactly sure why they would hide it, either.  Perhaps, even as unpopular as I might be, I am a driver.  Just a business thing.

Well, nothing that can be a dog and pony show should be believed I suppose.  I guess I always just hope that things are honest.  I promise, they aren't fudging for my feelings.  I guess I would just like to know why.  It doesn't bother my feelings, and really won't be a party to when I quit.  I am there to look over data.  I know I am not accepted in the world, mostly... or at all.  Rightly or not.  Nor believed, really.  Even those who know the facts, real health facts and knowledge of my deaths, and... such things... they don't believe.  Or work almost as hard at disbelieving as I used to work.  Even my mother... hides from things she knows, from as a child to yesterday.  It's just the way it is.  Much as, if most folk saw a ghost they would convince themselves that they hadn't until they wouldn't even remember the event.  I... am that event.

I guess I can't blame.  Took me a very long time to just accept that some things, and some people, are different.  Or, perhaps, confused.  There is that possibility.  Insanity is there.  Or just, maybe, the heart problem brings too much confusion in.  Just, for my part, I had to submit to what I experience, saw, see, and deal with it.  Ever form of test I have been able to perform comes clean, or clear enough.  It's all I can do.

Never mind.  A few more months and I will move on.  Not sure about the blog.  Nothing is sure.  Not here, now, in the past, or even in the future.  Nothing is sure for those who draw breath.  I do believe that after the final breath there will be surety.  Though, I suspect, even then, only in time... if oddly in a place of timelessness.  Until... that too falls away and a time and place is reborn.  I am sure about the first part, the latter is taken on faith.

I am going to try to do some work.  I just haven't been... energetic.  I am doing better, and better on top of it.  But work has been... out of reach.  I am hoping, before bed, I can do the dishes, see to a load of laundry in the dryer, and take a shower.  Oh, love showers.  Maybe a bath tomorrow.  Good day, and night for my part.

If seven year olds directed?

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Actually, it might be an improvement.  Just... saying.