Up and down all day.

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No choice, if I am surprised I could do it.  I was sick, fried, when I crashed.  While tunnel vision had backed off some, stars were still on the extended periphery.  Actually, that remains unchanged.  Still, I had packages incoming.  And with the heat I didn't want things to cook out there.  I set my small portable kitchen time for two hours, and hoped.

I honestly didn't think it would, could, wake me.  It turns off after some time as well.  Oddly, it woke me, each time.  There were three delivery services, all arriving at different times.  Three resets, at two hours per, and everything was in... I could just sleep from then on.  Running the ac actually ended up hurting my leg.

It is the cold, I now realize, that had my leg hurting this spring.  I had wondered if it was the cold or a lack of minerals.  Being on daily vitamins and extra occasional minerals now, I am sure it was the cold.  When I first went in, it was hot.  I turned the ac on full blast and slept without blankets but couldn't stir until the alarm.  By then my leg had the severe ache.  I'll have it for several days.

I was hungry first thing.  I reheated the uneaten half of the steak.  I thought about a potato, or can of veggies.  No, hungry.  Now.  I did manage to do a blood sugar check before diving in.  Barely.  It was 99.  Wow.  I thought my feast would have ruined the numbers.  BP is 127/95, p. 98.  I pushed things, and it is really hot in here.  Still, that isn't bad.  Oh, and... medicine.  I'll check in a couple hours after taking it, missed this morning too, if I might be able to make it all up.  Still?  Wow.  Not bad for being on the verge of passing out for four hours, probably on the cusp of death.  Woot!  Love me some risk.  Frisky!

Black, at the speed of light.

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Wow!

I haven't been that close to passing out in... ever?  I saw stars last time I stretched fasting.  This time my entire peripheral vision was stars, tunnel vision came and was narrowing to a pinpoint.  And as mentioned, darkness was coming at me so very fast.  I got food in me as quickly as possible.  While it took several meals and snacks and four hours when passing out was imminent, I made it.  As soon as I was safe, I began checking things.  Blood sugar was fine, at 114.  But bp had crashed.  I'll bet it had been lower.  At the time I read it, it was 103/68, pulse 80.  I am guessing it really dipped.

I really would rather stop.

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I am really hungry.  I think it is mostly mental.  I simply want food.  Plus it hasn't cooled off outside, so isn't cooling off inside.  I am being chewed up by two annoyances.  Yeah. I'll keep to my fast anyway.  At least for tonight.

I hit the dishes, watered the front yard for a bit, did some work on my feet and legs, and will finish the dishes soaking.  I will also set up the last dishes, get trash and recycling out... at least out of the door, and get laundry back to be ready tomorrow.  A shave?  Maybe, and shower, after the trash is out.  Will need the ac and door shut.

Blood sugar is 111.  I only check bp a few random times a day now.  If the reads are good enough, I don't bother checking the other arm.

I'd love to make an egg casserole for whenever I start eating.  But with the heat staying I won't.  If I am going to cook, it's better to do it during the day heat, where it really isn't noticed.  I wonder about chocolate pudding?  If it is stove top prep, that wouldn't be a problem.  Perhaps jello as well, with fruit, pears.  Or... just refuse out, a nap, then see from there?  Yes.

I noticed vids, from long ago, being stirred.  Some of laments, some of possible realizations.  Strange.  Someone(s) went digging, and fairly deep.  There is either a mismatch of when those were viewed and when that became apparent, or the viewer(s) aren't showing up as having visited.  I suspect they are running invisible, by the nature of what was viewed.

Later.

It is getting hot in here.

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Even though I cooled the place off last night, the sun is really hammering the place today.  Last I looked, it was 94 F or so outside.  Inside it is up to 78.  I don't mind that so long as I can cool the place down, even to 72, at night.  It should be cooling enough, or almost, to open things back up.  If the final trick I figured out last night works as it did, it won't take long to shove the heat out again.

Blood sugar spiked to 152, then has dropped back to 124.  BP is at 118/82, pulse 79.  Good.  Great, really.  Now to get food intake to maintain it.  It is both volume and variety, not just how that seems.  Too much or too little, other than true fasting, can be a problem.  True fasting has serious limits.  As well, some carbs are very good, with a neutral effect on blood sugar.  Red meat is excellent, the fatter the better.  Beside not liking lean, it actually turns to sugar drastically quicker and more of it.  From what I have seen, cholesterol problems seem to be an age, not food, thing.  And they don't have a way to fix it.  Their idea of a fix is akin to doing facelifts as a cure for old bodies.

As soon as it is cooler outside, and I open things up, I may take a nap.  Well, after dishes.  If that all works out, on to bedding and laundry.  Later.

A great day.

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I reversed my wake-up time by three hours.  In hangover mode for it.  No, no alcohol involved.  Changing sleep patterns that quickly will do just the same.  In spite of it, actually in part because of it, is why the day is good.  I love beating the odds.  Of course, now I have to continue the process.  Grueling.  But... I love the gruelling.  Wish I could do more of the useful sort of it.

I was able to break my troubled sleep cycle by figuring how to cool the cave.  It was getting and staying about 75 F or more.  Day after day and, as a low, it was too warm.  Last night, with just fans and a few particular arrangements, I was able to cool the place to about 70.  That I can live with.  I am wondering if being too hot too long exacerbates diabetes.

Speaking of which, my blood sugar got to 100 last night.  After that first jump, the rest was a slow decline.  Odd how it works.  When my blood sugar is high, my fasting blood sugar is often the highest read for the day.  If it is below 200 or 150 or such, the resting blood sugar is the second highest read (at least while fasting).  My second read then becomes the highest.  When it is near 100, the... it loses any pattern.  Usually.  There are no absolutes, just rules of thumb that can be upended for some or no reason.  Fasting blood sugar was 118.  Waking fasting blood sugar is 154.  BP is 124/91, p. 78.  See?  Good day, very good day.

Today?  A few domestics, as I can.  Fasting is taking it's toll.  And it is a holy day.  I'll get some ketonic down before long.  Gotta watch, remember... sharts... all I'm saying the more.  It's twu.  Today and tomorrow left of fasting.  It's going well.  Later.

It is a trick to fast and work.

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It wasn't a lot of work.  So far, I showered, reset soaking dishes, then finally made it up on the roof with the small sander and got busy.  By the way?  Paying more for paint is worth every penny.  I will give what is painted a second coat.  Just for a smooth sense, and... because.  No absolute need.  I'll never go another way again.  It even covered the purple, first coat.  Wow.

As to the sanding, the untouched window dressing was all that really needed it.  I tried several areas which were painted.  The concrete like paint just laughed, suggested it tickled.  Not liking to be mocked, and to truly test, I leaned in like a bull on a tourist at the runs.  Nothing doing.  Still, I kept trying various areas.  No really doesn't always mean no.

Blood sugar jumped to 171 then fell to 138.  Crazy system.  I did get one ketonic down.  Will get another in a bit.  I can have two, probably three, of those a day.  My aim is to have one a day, more if I do more.  It helps, slightly.  Enough to bother to make it.  Hunger comes and goes, but mildly.  It shifts from hunger being the problem to phantom hunger, the habit of eating, becoming the problem.  I haven't yet gotten past that and something else.  Is it keto flu, or a real limit, I am hitting?

What a gig? Gag?

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Days are tumbling. It's the heat.  It is 88, again.  Not typical, actually. It is cool... for the time of year.  I am more familiar with 95 F days, in July.  August is cooler, if more in the lower 90's, and more overcast days.  But by then, heat tolerance is shot.  The cave is now staying about 75.  Which is too warm.  I may have to bring the ac down, set it up in a back window, and run the two for short, staggered spells.  Or give up on a day cycle, which I don't want to do.

I missed medicine last night.  I will take everything but carvedilol, doubling on that will take me down like a lodestone, for days perhaps.  Still, bp wasn't horrible for it, at 146/86, p. 83.  Blood sugar is the best fasting I have had in a while, at 148.  It is below the average I showed the doc, and should continue to decrease... should.  Plus, I have two more days of fasting, after today, on the schedule.  Should work out.

Oh well.

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Again.  I just can't climb out of the hole I have fallen into.  No worries, I'll get there.

Blood sugar is down to 122.  Ugh, but it is a major push to bring it down.  BP was good, gooder.  At 138/98 it is nearing reasonable.  I am draining well as well.  I have gone back down to two water pills.  A weigh in at the first of the week, or my gut feeling, will let me know when to drop to one.

Oh, I received something from amazon I hadn't ordered.  At first I thought it was a mistake.  Nope me, and my address.  Then I checked billing.  I hadn't been.  Initially I thought it was Dr. Bronner's peppermint soap.  I already use that.  On closer inspection, it turns out to be the above, minus soap.  Hand and body lotion.  Seemed fubar to me, but I'll try anything once.  Free, twice.

I... am extremely impressed.  I don't know how much it costs yet, but I'd be willing to pay a premium for it.  Why?  A very little actually does an excellent job.  I am perplexed why so many lotions fail so spectacularly.  And if you like the scent of mint?  This is where that is at.  -  Price checked, between $10 and $11, for eight ounces.  Considering a dime spot covers both legs, ankles, and feet, to and including the knees, with my alligator skin?  Inexpensive.  They also have other scents... lime, lavender, perhaps others.  Just saying.

I might yet shave and shower.  Try the lotion after.  Hunger returns, then fades.  It is mild, some of it is just in my mind... a want, from habit.  Some hunger is real, but not biting... not yet.  Whatever. Good night.

Yeah, not today.

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Simply too hot.  It isn't what the fake weather reports say.  It is 88, they are claiming 97.  Still trying for grobble warbling I see.  Even so, just too hot.  I may check in an hour, though light might be a bit scarce by then.  The problem is there doesn't seem to be a cooler day in the forecast.  Then again, this is from the bozo assclowns who have 100 year forecasts nailed.  I guess if they can't figure tomorrow's weather, going so long they won't even be remembered when they flop... and Soros/globalist money spends good today.

I WILL get dishes, a shave, and a shower.  Once those are completed, I'll think on more.  I did water the side yard just a bit, and will complete that later.  And a narrow patch in the back yard is being hit now.  I'm trying to... bring back the lawn.  With some help it is working.  More seed, and cordoning off some areas from being mowed until growth is next.  If I can keep up on the watering, yeah.

Dishes should be easy.  Shaving won't be bad.  And the shower should be really good.  Hunger pangs earlier.  Need to mix the ketonic (a combination of three powders/crystals, an oil, and warm to hot tea).  Yes, the tea is hot.  That stuff... can help.  Cuts hunger, or offers some energy.  I really need to make bone broth.

Even hot, it's a good day.  I think I'll run the ac for a bit.  Later.

I love it when fasting is... cake?

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Talk about not having your cake, and not eating it to!?!  I... think so.  When fasting is easy, life is better.  The start of the second day and all is well.  Blood sugar finally got down to 145 last night, early this morning actually.  Fasting draw was 201 or such.  No idea why, really.  I'll do what must be done.  BP is fantastic, at 123/86 with pulse at 44?  Maybe I am learning to Zen again.  You would be amazed what you can train your mind and body to do, if first you have to part from them.  Death gave me that opportunity, many times.  So much so, they are... sometimes foreign to me.

My mom called.  She is pleased with her blender.  It was spendy, but can probably handle small, single loaf, bread dough.  Firetruck red, so she won't lose it.  It sounds like she has work lined up for me.  All good.  Using a tractor scoop to get limbs cut, painting roof fronting, more I am sure.  "Afraid of ladders?"  Heck no.  It will be good to help.  I am taking some of my tools.  Life is good.  Hmm, I should get to my windows... extra practice.  And find a hat to keep the sun off.  She has to have a way for me to cool down.

As well, I remembered my bills.  I paid them over the phone before calling my mother.  I also got the mailing address for the one that charges, even for a bank drat.  I may start mailing that in, then decide how much to pay extra, get it automated, possibly sending more in, if I have more than more *wink* at the end of the month.  Triple down, if I can go without so much Amazon.  Arghhhh!  I am thinking one and two thirds on auto, the enough to double or triple pay, depending how the month goes.  We can't, but I can.  Hup!

Yeah, dishes, sanding.  I know... echoing.  But, for sure tonight?  Yeah.  Right.  Later.

Oh, well?

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Dishes?  What else?  Oh, trim... inside, of the outside, windows... the trim next to the glass panes, on the exterior portion of the window.  Some things take a passel of words to convey, or perhaps a few technical words possibly not found in any particular dictionary.  Hmm?  Never to worry.  I mean, I did start on dishes, then sort of fell down.  I'll... get them yet.  But the trim I skipped.  It was 90ish F most of the day, and still 80 as it was growing dark.  Nope.  Just... nope.  As it cools, I may do a bit of prep, so if waking, light, and cool converge, I will be ready.

Fasting is going well.  I seem to be unable to drink as much as usual.  Strange.  Which means I haven't brewed fresh tea, which while warm is what I prefer for my ketonic... the powders mix better and the warmth brings out the flavors more richly.  Yeah.  If I run into that problem in the future... I need to introduce an override or bypass routine.  I am doing that much better in recent years.  Everything from recently learning to take medicines properly when I miss a day of sleep, to brushing regularly, or taking my meds backwards when I lose my day schedule.  I... can learn, train myself.

Blood sugar is coming down.  It's still high, higher than the average I showed the doc, honestly at that time.  I'm not going to worry.  It'll do it's weird thing, I'll just test four times a day, five if my day stretches long, double if I do a double day.  BP is middling ugly as well.  Annoying.

A time of fasting.

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Blood sugars remain ugly.  BP remains middling ugly.  Medicine is taken rightly, foods that have been tested out remain the menu.  It just doesn't seem to matter.  Then again, this isn't completely a surprise.  Perhaps volume, if I don't think so.  I still suspect the brots did something really off.  Something strange about those...

So, today, back to fasting.  The goal is to fast through Monday, at least to it.  If needed, then again next Thursday through Monday.  I will hammer this back in shape.  Oh, I gained 15 pounds in three days when I was having blood sugar problems.  I was drinking less, but enough less I wasn't priming the pump.  So that gallon to gallon and a half per day mostly stayed... enough of it.  I doubled my dose, but have again added another tab... just to push more.  When the pump becomes un-primed, it must take a little more to get the pump flowing again.  Been on this high of a dose before.  All good.

Do what it takes.  If you don't, they will.  Fasting isn't so bad, especially if you have extra to tide you over.  I would like to push both the length and activity level.  The ketone gunk might help.  I keep forgetting it.  It tastes odd, and helps mildly.  But I haven't seen huge gains... marginal only... which means only slight gains.

I may also have to return to full keto.  What's not to like with keto?  All food loses flavor. While that limits temptation, since it all tastes like cardboard... who wants to eat cardboard!?!  Ugh.  Trying to figure the world out, two seconds from death in any direction, is trick.  Well, they say I am close to death.

After searching, many times, for the book I was reading as a devotional and failing to find, I gave up and reordered.  It arrived today.  As well, it's curtains, for me.  Doc.  Well, some of them.  For upstairs.  As well, now that I have mostly figured out water kefir, I ordered more bottles, which arrived, snap-tops, resealable button tops, 16 ounce, strong enough to hold serious fizz.

I'd best get the ketotion, medicine, tea, and then on to my waking and life.  Today?  Dishes, and window inside trim sanding.  Anything else will be incidental.  The trim will have to be later, it is hot, and as any cat on such a tin roof might know?  Youch.  Later?  In more ways then... three, somehow.  Don't cross your eyes!  Dot them!  To a tee?

Cornish game hen, with a twist.

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Several twists.  First, spatchcocked, then grilled, finally basted with coconut manna (butter).  Done perfectly this time.  However, you can keep the coconut manna.  It wasn't overpowering, on the good side.  It had a heavy fatty taste, even grilled, that just...  Now, I did baiste almost as it was coming out.  Maybe that was the problem.  I plan to experiment with it as a food and lotion stuff.  Yeah.  I am trying to find double, even triple, duty stuff.  I wonder if this would work as gun grease?  Seriously.

Anyway, tentatively not giving the nod on this for that.  Although, I finally found a use for my tiny cast frying pan... as a butter, of whatever kind, melting and basting device.  I have several, if the next size would be better for two, or three small, eggs.  I bought a group of them out of curiosity, and because I love cast iron.  It feels... real.  So much of what I find in this place is insubstantial, seems weak, feels too light, reminds me of death.  I want more life, Father.  For myself, and my things.  Iron.  It's not perfect.  It is better.

It was 82, I think, last I checked.  Probably warmer now.  It is 73, and points, inside.  When it feels too warm in here, stepping outside, sitting in the shade until some comfort is obtained, then returning inside does the trick.  It's, really, the perfect weather for the 4th, as an Iowa boy.  No humidity and all is good.

Hmm...  I'll try pork in a bit.  I purchased pineapple, canned, with no sugar added.  I am thinking of trying that on top, just to see.  It's probably beyond the pale, even should they be telling the truth.  Pineapple is pretty sweet.  It's a feast day, it happens, and I am still testing.  Plus with blood sugar gone wild anyway...  I will wait until my blood sugar has time to settle, say three more hours, so I have a flat starting number.  If my sugar is high, but it doesn't spike much, I have a initial positive result.  It takes a number of results to begin making a conclusion... Barring catastrophe.  By the way, when are the French going to learn to write proper (US) English?  :)  It's our national birthday.  What better day for some international incidents?

Back to music, resting, and gaming.  Good day.

The 4th!

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First things first.  BP is a little high, blood sugar is and has been ugly.  Nothing I am doing is working.  Multiday fasting will probably work, but not today.  Today is a feast day.  Pork ribs and a spatchcock cornish game hen.  Last one was grilled whole, someone, over at Ace's (should it be Aces'?), reminded me of the method.  For a 24 ounce bird, it's mostly bone.  I think being forced to peck through the bones for meat makes the meal... much better, sort of like shelling pistachios.

I did not get the flag up.  I'll... it'll get there.  I hate when I remember the important undone tasks in while-waking dream storms.  You can't make me feel more guilt or shame than I already know.  And you probably have no true idea of what might, or even should, grieve such a one.  I do.  Know, that is.  While I won't beat a dead horse, I do know the faults and failures, and try to fix, do, change.  And, slowly... I fix, do, change.  If never will I have all of it.

I have to admit, president Trump... is superior to even what I suspected.  I did have some concern that populism and ego might be the limits of, to, his time in office.  I easily see he has clearcut pro-American goals that supersede those limits.  Further, those weren't what I thought.  They are elements of his game.  Like all men, he struggles with ego, but that is a small personal thing, one he manages well, in my humble opinion, especially given his station.

I do worry about him putting a lefty in the scotus.  When Schmuck Schemer fights against a woman, he is more likely saying who he wants, or what he wants.  Something he should be denied.  Women are fearful malleable weak creatures.  Gave in to Satan quickly, easily, dragged man down with her.  I just hope Trump... he knows.   It would be a trade of some sort, not a good one, especially with that party committing suicide.  Don't surrender now, Grant.  Some associations can't be fixed.  Who would have thought the right party then would turn into such a whiney, self-loathing, anti-American, group of Sodomites?  Sad.

Yes, America is looking better.  But Trump's fixes need to be made law, Dem ruinations such as Zerocare need to be eliminated.  President Trump's appointments need to be shoved through.  Establishment GOP need to be denied entry *cough* Romney *cough*.   Others need to "retire"... many are leaving, as Ryan partly and others completely, if not enough  *cough* McConnel *cough*.  Still, the road back from hell isn't an easy one.

We haven't yet hit the impending economic collapse.  Fed spending is what is artificially sustaining.  It isn't the economic driver, as Zero tried to make it.  The spending is merely an umbrella to buy time to rebuild, design, focus, and unleash the only possible economic engines of commerce, production, construction, and such from the private sector.  We will get hit, hard, often.  It is a matter if we have cut the swill of social socialism and crony capitalis enough that we don't collapse from what is due, coming.  Though, if we go?  They all go darker still.  They know it.

More winning?  Sure.  But for now, have yourself a fantastic, hopeful, patriotic, family and friend filled, delectably edible, celebration of the birth of the nation that has brought light, in a thousand ways, to every corner of this dank, dark, retched world, or died trying.  And remember to thank the soldiers, marines, sailors, cops, and others, who do stand against the filthy darkness so you don't have to face the dragons yourself.  Amen.

A bit, so far.

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A bit of simple rest got me over the want of a nap.  So, after doing my regular affairs, and cooling plus relaxing, I started a bit more.  The new garden hoses arrived, so I was able to bypass the broken hose.  As well, I installed the timer and delink devices, so as to be able to keep the hoses connected, and switch them, and even the timer, with ease.

With it being overcast, or was, I started watering.  Of course, this time the sun sort of came out.  I turned it all off, if I may move things a bit and give a soak to a slightly different area tonight. It is helping, but it will never quite make it without more shade, and perhaps fertilizer, maybe else?

I had to call my mother, though it is good to check in, it regarded an exact address check, for a delivery.  Her birthday present, one of them, for this month.  Surprisingly, a name brand.  She is usually a very country girl, and usually right.  But sometimes she finds a quality item, and knows from experience that it isn't just a name thing.  I am just proud she, mostly, wasn't afraid to ask.  Of all the cooks in the world, she has done the most with the least.  It is good to get better tools in her hands.  Pleases the soul, and many bellies even to this day, and so long as she lives.

As well, and finally, Duluth returned the money.  I was tempted to not buy again.  Save that their belts, while spendy, are truly the best belts under the sun.  And, the other things I like from them, even for the price, are excellent.  I just can't hate them.  So I ordered belts again.  I don't even need to throw the fifteen year old one away.  I can just use that for around the house.  Yeah, they are that good.  I am murder on regular belts.

Up and over.

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With such a long, hot, busy, exhausting day, I wasn't sure how things would work... through the night, or waking today.  I ended waking at a weird early time.  Perhaps I already wrote about it?  Waking after a short to normal sleep period.  I then crashed, hard, around 1:30.  I fell too fast to set an alarm.  I woke at 9:30, an half hour before driving was planned.  I really wanted to tuck back in but didn't.

Up, hair fixed, medicine, dressed, and teeth being brushed when the knock came.  I got the grill going, then we headed out.  It was better, but not stellar.  It just takes time.  Then a steak dinner.  And right as he goes in to get his braces out.  *grins*  I bet his ortho (is it) will be happy with that.  Driving and work next time, and a... chat.  He has broken two hoses and the brass splitter.  He... has some work to do, off the books.  Repairs.

Today?  Resting.  I have pushed far too hard these last four or five days.  I need rest.  It's a cool day, at 64 F, last I looked.  Mostly overcast, with a mild breeze last time I was out. Now to strip to shorts, t, and house flops.  Then daily do's, news, and on to gaming, or a nap.  A nap will happen, soon or late.

Later.

Rough day, wake.

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What a mess.  Too little sleep, dehydrated, overheated, hungry, and bulling on through?  There was a price.  My blood sugar sot up, and the meal and fluid exacerbated that, spiking to 300/275.  (I did a second test, not trusting the first, not sure which to believe.)  Then I crashed so hard I think I hurt something... no, not really if almost.

I thought I would sleep for days, or at least half a day.  Nope!  Seven hours and I popped out of bed like a perfect ice cube ejected out of it's mold.  It pretty much hurt right then, but the bed was finished with me.  No going back.  I am tempted to take aspirin.  I like to hold off, though.  Reserving that for persistent, harsher, pain.  It makes the stuff very effective when something is on the edge of tolerability.

I immediately checked the outside temp.  It was cooler than indoors already, barely.  Good enough.  Everything was opened save the window on the sunny side.  Way too much heat, even with the fading sun.  It is time to open that window.  Sundown is heaven, hereabouts.

Ah!  My bad about the boss.  He didn't just forget, or get busy.  He was camping last week.  He told me, too, I just... reckon time... differently.  I thought he had already gone, last week.  So... lessons are back on.  At least I... didn't have to eat too much crow.  A minor apology seemed appropriate, and to suffice.  My can I be a big baby.  Oh well.  At least I... left room to sort it out before harm.  Though, I was trying to be understanding... I thought, maybe, he got in too deep, too many jobs.  All good.  Only the cap toe, not the whole shoe...  *tap dancing with the devil...*

All things are getting better.  The pains are easing, the cave and bod are cooling, blood sugar is at 185, food is being planned... the same old regular, ribeye, corn, potatoes, and fresh milk *WOOT*... medicine is down, plus I finally added the extra minerals to my kit and going to need them with double water pill dose.  Oh, I best brush.  For why though?  Fie, for now, I will continue.

I am hoping to sleep earlier tonight.  Even a nap would do.  I want to be ready to drive tomorrow, and do some other things.  I may have a bargain for the boss... a deal he can't refuse.  We are all momma's boys, in even our darkest hearts.  Some run from it, wrestle with it, face it, or else.  Just best to take it like a man, for whatever that means on any given day.  Yeah, cooties and all, I suppose.  It's a trap!

We'll, I best brush, open the lee window, and get the grill hot.  Hmm, not the grill quite yet.  I must thaw steak.  Good evening.

Still awake.

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No choice.  I thought the doctor appointment was tomorrow.  At about 4:30, I checked my email.  Yeah, well, too late for me to back out fairly, to the doc.  A shower, my readings/devices, dressed, and then out.  I was nervous.  Blood sugar has drifted up, averaging 151 or so.  He was fine with that.  BP, which I lost track for these problematic days, was around 122/82 or such.

With the tester data, and the V.A. a1c, he didn't see the need for more labs today.  Cool. I do seem to be retaining water, so upping the dose on the water pill.  All good.  Should have realized to do that myself already.  I let him know i upped carvedilol, and started losartin.  I think he was impressed.  Asked me how I did it...  When I saw him two months ago, my bp was 224/126, pulse 120-145, and blood sugar hitting over 400.

Fasting, of two sorts, and care with foods.  Yeah, I think he was impressed.  I asked if he could tell I had started brushing my teeth.  He said he couldn't.  I guess I assumed I had to have bad breath.  Nope.  He said he would have remembered.  Odd, but okay.  Oh, and I asked for and received handicap tags.  I just had to get them processed.

Then to the library.  The return labels printed perfectly, quickly.  Then the package finally was sent.  Crazy.  The disability cards were obtained next.  I'll only use them rarely, when needed desperately or if gasoline is going missing at a particular place.

After four hours, in the heat, without anything to drink, my blood sugar jumped to 212 or so.  I was hurting.  Something to drink and eat quickly after returning.  Trying to make it up to mid afternoon or later, to reset the internal clock, maybe.  Rough, long, hot day.  Later, good night.

Did you ever see too far?

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Perhaps it was seeing to cosmic inheritance too soon.  Maybe seeing falsely.  Maybe one sort of corruption, or another.  I was so sure.  When I found her, I knew.  I was going places.  I was doing things.  Then I was alone.  I couldn't think.  I stopped being able to remember.  I was dead before I died, only moving forward through momentum.  Such grand momentum, it carries me to this day, from time to time, when my feet can keep me up.  I DO remember... some of it... sometimes.

Deprivation wasn't working.

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With a fasting blood sugar at 188, then the next read, two hour after... still fasting... at 202, I had to think.  What else changed?  Hmm, less fluid.  A lot less.  From two to four gallons a day to, perhaps, a gallon plus up to another half, max.  It's rather difficult to drink, for me, without at least an occasional sweetening.  And?  And cutting food.  Both based on numbers that went crazy, due to bad brots.

Okay.  So, if it was the brots, and I wrongly cut food and fluid, if I go back to drinking much more and eating the right foods regularly... could that fix it.  Fasting wasn't helping, nor was running dry.  Worth a shot, and I was tired of pushing and pulling.  So... I ate.  A goodly meal.  And started sweetening every other tea.  Within the hour, my blood sugar dropped to 183, then rose to 198, then dropped to 140 and just now down to 125.  Why do I feel like I am playing Go with my body?  Uhrm, because I am.

So?  So, dinnertime!  I've got the grill going, just to heat some already grilled meat.  As well, green beans, and three or four eggs.  Sizes vary a bit with "wild" eggs.  I think it was a lack of fluid, but food irregularity was adding to the problem.  Of course it may have been linger syrup, other issues, or a combination of knowns and/or unknowns.  It may not be solved, this could be a fluke.  Time is a distant relative to the Truth.  May do for now, soon.  Huh?  Give it a while.

I did water the front yard a bit tonight.  It is all looking a bit better, and will until the world heats back up again.  I best check the grill, put veggies on first... they take longer. I may not be a grilling godfather, or yet, but I am learning.  I will do if a true patron of the man-cooking arena is not to be found.  I know that good food isn't about my feelings, but about satisfied bellies.  I'll make it as guests, or myself if I am it, prefer... with a smile even if I have to do it over and again.  Though, too often, same one, invitation list, scratch.

Well.  Have a great evening, night.  Uhrm, morning for some of you.