Good night.

.
.
Just a few musical notions.  Perhaps without understanding you may enjoy.  I'll have a spot more pork, put the rest up, take meds and hit it.  Sleep well.

A no show, so far.

.
.
So far anyway.  I slow cooked a picnic pork roast too.  Perhaps the Boss will be over later?  Never can tell.  I called about ducks last night.  The call seemed to go through but there was no sound.  I'll try again in a bit.  An odd day, week.  Strange events and situations at every turn.  It seems so dark sometimes... threatening, like storm clouds on the horizon.  Just something passing or will it destroy everything I know?

It's good to have a day off.  I'll still work or drive if the opportunity visits.

I might try cold press coffee soon.  I have always heard it is better.  But I thought it required a bunch of equipment.  Perhaps not?  I have heard recently that a gallon jug, coffee, filtered water, and a nut milk bag woul do, or even just a French press?  I have all those.  Might try that, if not this week.  Soon though.

That pork was fantastic.  Plenty left, if being bone in, probably not as much as it would seem.  Once it is cool I'll debone and put it up.  Got excellent bark too.  It was quite inexpensive. The trade war is being very good to me, at a time I could use it.  Too bad it isn't affecting beef prices along with pork.

I am also exploring pressure cooking again.  You can use cheaper cuts of meat.  And until social security is sorted again, I am against a wall, again.

Later.

How to wake?

.
.
Ah, a fat coffee.  Right, and is on the way.  My body is still totally chill with being awake.  My sleepy head, not so much.  Just can't shake the tiredness.  I don't think the coffee will do all that much.  However, taking my bp after meds and before coffee shaved forty points, top and bottom.  It's 129/82 with a pulse of 89... but I was listening to music.  :p

I'll check blood sugar a few hours after "breakfast".  I do consider fat coffees a meal.  Sort of... it's not the calories, it's that the stuff can trigger a glucose decrease after a very mild rise.  I ought to check in an hour too, to see how much of a rise.  While dying, no reason not to examine.

Some of the things washed yesterday were the cat beds.  They didn't smell bad, or look rough, but the girls weren't using them.  It worked.  Sam, the fussiest of the two, is crashed out in one of them.  I like when I help the girls, do right by them.  And they do return the favor by minding my expressed will.  You might not be able to train a cat, but you can communicate and negotiate.  They aren't my animals... friends.

Boy is that coffee... so-so.  It's fatted down with MTC and whole cream with a few drops of liquid sucralose.  This part isn't supposed to be tasty.  If I used too much coffee, five dosers for eight cups... used up the last grounds I hand ground.  Still, no real complaints.  It is just closer to espresso than regular coffee.

I finally brought a blanket in from the auto, my better wool one.  It is good enough to have close, right on actually, the skin, and I'm a baby about most wool.  Cost a pretty penny though.  Anyway, I was right.  That allowed me to have the ac and to sleep comfortably.  Awesome!

2018?  It really is, or a year away, from fifteen years of celibacy.  The temptations still exist, if opportunity has decreased... at least opportunity of any interest.  I wouldn't bother with a woman over thirty or a stoner.  Not even tempted a bit.  Looks like I am in the clear.  Lost my ring.  Would like it back.  But it isn't as necessary... as a ward... anymore.  Nice as a badge though.  What, precisely, is so difficult about chastity?  If I can do it, literally anyone can.

Later.

Beaten and battered.

.
.
Down around midnight thirty, couldn't sleep before.  Slept well if not for  long, waking at 6:30 and small change.  I feel as if more sleep would have been good, my body disagrees.  Both body and mind have veto power.  My spirit does too, if it rarely joins the fray even as a tie breaker.  While my mind, or will?, wants more sleep, it's not enough for an attempt at an override.

My innards no longer spasm, or feel like they are being stabbed, they are sore, feeling bruised... when you can feel bruises as they are.  Blood sugar is up to 181, fasting.  I am holding off on coffee so as not to skew my bp reading and holding off on bp until medicine has had a chance to work.  I still think lowering bp has as much to do with the mind as medicine, if it takes both.  Though coffee jolts it all.  Half a pot today.

Today?  The load of laundry in, plus the last load... whites.  More, if light work, in the kitchen and bathroom.  I am in trouble, but I can't just stop.  The Boss will be by, probably, to finish the coop.  That shouldn't be too difficult.  I'll also set the sprinkler for the front lawn.  Mostly a slow easy day.  I am sore, tired, feeling very off.  I have pushed, then been pulled, a bit too far.  Won't be done until Saturday.  Fasting from Friday on to Monday and relaxing is the weekend goal.

Yeah.  Rough.  And it isn't over.  Have a great day.  Even though I will be grinding my teeth to make it, I am going to have a wonderful day if it kills me.  Later.

What do they know, suspect?

.
.
Ugh.  I did finish the dishes, and put the laundry over, but time... and I had almost forgotten to put extra time for traffic.  I did shower... hate showing up like a heathen beggar.  I was pushing it to get there, or it felt like it.  I think I was an half hour early, as close as I can get, if tighter than I prefer.

Pushing along.

.
.
The alarms for my appointment kept me moving.  Time flies when I try to procrastinate.  Still, I got going.  The laundry was finally dry!  Note to self: smaller loads!  After cycling laundry, including putting another in, I hit the dishes.  Only six, if larger, items.  Done, and the laundry is folded.  The load drying should be about done, very small.  Hoping to put the last load in the dryer before going.

I am backed up on what needs hung, as I need to see how the container system will fit.  Which... is fine.  No time to do that today.  Just not enough time, probably... or energy.  Another cup of coffee, best to take medicine, then a shower.  I should be able to hit the registrar before... or maybe not?  Time flies even when pushing.  I can only push so hard, so fast.  Still close to death, always.  No, too late.  Have to go, in case of traffic issues.

I did, have been, making the bed.  I will need the bed dearly tonight, and it being made somehow helps.  If I can just make it through this week, perhaps a break next week.  Oh, an invitation to a porn site.  No thank you.  I got away from that with as direct a talk with God as I ever had, if He did it twice.  I won't relinquish that grace for anything.  Besides, I have far better memories with real women.  Later.

Sleep was needed.

.
.
Desperately.  I don't know when, I think 20:00 give or take an half hour.  No later.  Clean sheets make life, sleep, snappy, even if I couldn't get a second shower in right before bed.  I woke twice, still draining a bit.  Mostly the night was blank... the best kind of sleep.  I do need to remember more blankets for in there.  It was a bit too bold, if less cool wouldn't have been good either.  More blankets will bridge the gap until my health returns in full.  I didn't wake until 8:00.  Yes, sleep was needed.  Didn't wake with an over-sleep hangover either, really needed.

I forgot, but am reminded in time.  An eye appointment at the V.A. today.  A bit worn.  A down day, or slow day, would have been good.  Nope.  I will still try to finish laundry, the soaking dishes, and putting the cage shelving together.  Thing with the latter, I want it off the ground enough to vacuum under, which would also create a perfect area for shoes.  And, while out, I need to make it to the registrar's office.  Yeah.  Not a slow day.

On the good side, coffee this morning.  Fresh ground.  I also need an electric grinder.  I would like avocado oil, but that can wait?  Ugh.  Coffee should be ready.  The first one with cream and MTC oil.  A fat coffee starter.  Back to keto and intermittent and extended fasting.  It's the only way, for now and probably from then on.

Fasting blood sugar is... 155!  The second lowest blood sugar since my return.  It was 168 at bedtime.  It's coming down even now.  But the goal isn't to have diabetes under control.  The plan is to have it gone.  And as with tobacco, the fourth time seems to be the charm.

I was about to call my mother this morning when she called me.  She has started working, not quite full days, three days a week.  I would love such a thing, but I can't keep a schedule.  She is doing well, but oddly hasn't had her first cup of coffee yet.  She seems well.  Work is good for her.  Keeps her thinking, active, and social.

Mostly.

.
.
To town.  Too late to also register the auto.  I did make the appointment, picked up charcoal... the last two bags, got mozz, and bought coffee.  For the mornings.  Tea doesn't work in the morning, coffee doesn't work the rest of the time.  Couldn't find my electric grinder, but I have a crank manual one.  Wanted coffee tonight, but crashing and don't want to impede that.  Oh, double French and espresso.  Yeah, finally.  Also got my cell reset.  Bleh.

The Boss did show, but more to arrange and talk.  Probably to work later this week.  Oh, water is going on the back lawn.  Gotta turn that off shortly.  So tired.  So much yet to do, gullet still troubling.  All good.  *grins*

I am going to switch loads, if dry, folding one.  I still have a minor mess in the bedroom. And I would like to shower.  Especially with the FRESH sheets!  Then I must crash.  Good night.

All but the laundry.

.
.
Only because it refuses to dry!  I've stabbed it with my white dryer but I just can't dry the beast.  Laundry, collective noun... plural, potential?  Whatever, it is an it, so can be a beast... or even as a burden.  Some grammar-foo, Foo.  Anyway... The dishes are done.  Those which were soaking.  A few large and rough pieces have been set to soak.  And the closet has been cleared, cleaned, and vacuumed.  If I think someone has screwed up the vacuum cleaner.  Wasn't me.  Last time I used it, I put a fresh bag in and it was working fine.  Bag was absolutely stuffed, but not from my floors.  My guess?  Had it on hose suction and forced it across the floor with the drive not engaged.  I will try to fix it... soon.

I am pleased.  Though... I have a bit of a clutter in there, until I put the system up and have room to put it back.  Might have to push through, try to finish tonight, unless the Boss shows.  Yeah.  Not bad.  I'm going to try to get back to ketosis, I have decided.  As cheaply as possible.  Eggs, cream, cream cheese, bacon, butter, cheeses and avocado are the staple additives, with keto breads and nuts acting in support, and fatty meat in support.  Bacon is not meat, it's special.  No buns, or potatoes.  I can eat potatoes (certain ones) without bothering glucose, but they destroy keto.  Oddly, most other foods affect both or neither.

A quick shower, then to dress.  The innards are feeling better.  I do still get a strange twinge, like when a muscle (or group) has been overworked,  sometimes a sharp pain, like a needle going in... but in an organ.  I've had these before.  Usually when blood sugar is reading into the high three or four hundreds (or more, yes, much more) and I ate something sweet or drank a big soda.  Bread never triggered it, besides that was long ago now.  And it was happening before I ate, for the last few days, if the kidneys were worse.  Bleh.

Just to make sure, I checked.  Blood sugar is... 148!  The lowest it has been since returning.  So, that isn't it.  Good.  And not good.  Now I just don't know.

Later.

Slow.

.
.
I will take it.  Given being long on yesterday, short on sleep, with grumbling innards, it's not a bad go.  The girls fed, litter tended, my own breakfast, a load of laundry through to the dryer with another load following in the wash, dishes hit... what was finished was dried and put up the rest reset.  I have the timer set.  In an half hour I will check the dryer.

If it isn't dry I'll hit my closet.  I don't know if I can get that all done today but I can at least have the closet open for that.  I have a few things to buy, shredded mozzarella and charcoal... just a bag or two to see me through.  Other than bills, no more spending this month.  Ugh.  Thankfully I hadn't gotten into a car.

Something bad this way comes.

.
.
The news is mostly shut down.  Zero Hedge took a hard left turn, if since being outed they were going that way.  Always were mostly pro- Russian and Chinese.  But now, at least on my platform, it looks like they have shuttered comments... which had become the only reason to bother reading there.  Conservative news is simply backing off.  Perhaps the coup is complete, merely waiting on the coup de grâce?  It would be the end of America and the beginning of the New South Africa... same results.

Something is just off.  Watch yourself out there.

Organs are acting out.  It was kidneys, but rehydrated and without extra water pills, they have calmed.  Not sure what organ this is, perhaps two.  Grumble they do, and spark and sputter.  I am surprised nothing has given up yet, just stopped working.  Could happen at any given time.  Blood sugar is staying right at 180.  Fasting should reset that lower, if I can.

Hot dogs on the grill, plus corn and beans.  I can't have ketchup, but I can have mustard and salsa.  It'll be messy but good.  It is just at sky breaking and 39~40 F out there.  Almost chilly.

A load of laundry, and resetting or just finishing the dishes?  Then cleaning out the closet and installing the wire boxes?  One side, of course, is open... regarding the mesh boxes.  There are sixteen of them.  Great for my jeans especially, which are too much material to fit well in drawers, or most places.  I am excited to see if these will work as I hope.

Later.

Feet, breakfast, thinking.

.
.
The feet are looking good.  Trimmed most of the toenails, a few took more concentration than I could muster.  But those weren't too long.  Then I scraped with the foot file, then moisturized and donned socks.  They need more work than I can give them, but they are better... definitely since my return.  Now, perhaps, I can begin more frequent care, and wearing socks as the weather cools.

Of course, I washed up well first... not just because of the feet, but the lotion...  Then eggs and bacon.  I didn't turn them well, if they stuck... to the non-stick pan?  I think I'll toss the thing.  It... has lost something.  A bit of mom's salsa and tea.  Now to gaming, to more fully wake.

I forgot charcoal.  Then there is registration, getting my phone paid, and the other bills.  Ugh.  Gotta be done.  A good appointment at the end of it all.  Hmm... best take medicine.  Why this post?  To help focus, keep up plans and requirements, to keep it all fresh and through the writing visceral.  Keeping it real.

Too early, no choice.

.
.
I went to bed so late compared to my usual, that my internal clock timed out.  No matter how tired I was, there is often some sort of window... a limit... on when and how long I can sleep.  I worked it yesterday.  Maybe too hard.  I don't know if I dreamed this, or did it... I remember getting up, feeling troubled, going to the bathroom and coughing up blood.  Lungs feel... better for it, either way.

I did get a shower in.  I also showered all my plants, then hit the with diatomatious (t or c) earth.  I don't know if that will help.  It is all I have for now.  I did a few other things, and remembered medicine, had to get out of bed to take it though.  At least I remembered before getting settled. - Note to self: when you overwork add a blanket or two!  I was freezing all night but could do nothing.

It's crazy out there, kids.  Watch it.  Believe it or not they are against you and hire people who hate you.  Your government and big business, better believe.

Today?  Another bit of work on my feet, perhaps laundry since I finished the rest... if I need to put that up.  Oh, putting the cage boxes together would give me better storage, then put the clothes away.  Must vacuum the closet, clean that area out first.  Sure gets complicated, quickly, sometimes.  Well, that and the duck area will get work.  Bleh.  Still so tired.  Oh, I have to stop the extra water pills.  Something is going sideways in there on that score too.  Thankfully I think... I am drained enough and draining well enough.  Yeah, several organs are... stressed.  Yeah, I do push it.

Later.

Most of it?

.
.
I can't remember what I wrote I would do.  Can't focus to read.  Can write, and remember what I  did.

I called both the pool and V.A. dental.  No one answered in either place.  So I called SS.  An hour wait, if it was probably longer.  On my landline, so I stayed.  It turns out they have re-cancelled my payments.  She said they didn't receive the paperwork the post master signed as an a affirmative to my ID.  Further, last time I spoke with a woman there I was told they had received it, all was good, so they resumed payments.  Now they are just lying.  I'll have to see if my congressman and senator can do anything, will do anything.

I still had to shop.  The ducks have to have a place and I need food.  It will be tight.  Literally hotdogs, beans, what I have on hand with little other meat a week.  Everything is put away, and I folded the last load of laundry for the day, plus folded the first basket of clothes.  Couldn't get to the registrar, the ss call took me past 15:30.  I suppose there was time... if not?  They might close at 16:00?  Too tired by then anyway.

A bit of a rest.

.
.
Waiting to 13:30 anyway.  Before calling the V.A. And about swimming.  Then I can figure out the rest of the plan.  I did make a grocery shopping list, and it's in a pocket, with the hardware list on the other side.  I need to register my auto, so I might kick that out while at it today, and a car cleaning.  Ugh.

I wasn't going to work on folding clothes, but I hadn't realized how much time is left to go.  And I  got a good 'nothing' rest in there, so I'll do what I can between now and call time.  I should be able to finish.  Oh, I need to add cowboy charcoal to my list.  It's not as easy as it gets colder, but if I can't keep up on dishes, or just don't want to go there, charcoaling is king.

I doubted.

.
.
True, not finished.  But!  A shower, bedding, laundry cycled, visited the post office, and called SS, if their talkers were busy.  Oh, collected all laundry remaining and took it back.  Won't start more laundry until what I have has been dealt with.  I am dressed, with my hardware list... should create a grocery list and stick to it.  Money really is tight.

Yes, the bed was made.  It's a warm one, I'll need a shower before bed.  Oh, and I worked on my feet this morning.  I'll clip my nails tonight.  Yeah.  I am going to set another appointment for dental before heading out.  Not bad, not bad at all.  Yes, cat litter has been hit, water checked and filled, as with their hard food, and a snack earlier and one more for them before I go.

Really? Maybe.

.
.
I noticed the new leaf on the plant my mom sent with me was eaten.  I even sat the culprit... a tiny, yellow-highlighted and black, nearly fleasized, beatle.  I moved the plant, but see it (and family plus friend) has finished the new leaf and started on one of the two remaining leaves!  Diatomacious earth?  I have it, it could work.

So... I went looking.  While out there, the dishes caught my eye.  I did what had been soaking, and a few more... which are drying.  Then set up another dishpan full.  Oh, the girls were hungry, it was time, so I fed them.  I thought the d. earth was on the back porch area, headed that way, but laundry.  A load now fluffing and washing.

I then returned, sat, and started to post when I realized I hadn't finished my initial task.  So, a quick jaunt, found the stuff straight away, brought a portion, and hit the plant and the soil.  If that doesn't work...  It is what I have for now.  Should hit all of my plants.  I will have to investigate the mystery bug... definitely not a feature.

What a night.

.
.
I crashed early, between 14:30 and 15:00.  Just could not keep the rig on the road.  I removed the socks.  My feet and legs were sore.  Swelling seemed down.  I woke to 'go' four times, partly my mistake... I didn't take my extra water pills until right at bedtime, focus was off today.

I woke at around 21:30, for no good reason.  I was up just an hour, unable to focus, think, anything.  So back to bed.  I then slept to... 2:30, 3:00?  Something.  Feet looked great.  I put the socks back on.  I'll be wearing those pretty much until fluids are back in control.  Should wear socks daily, difficult in the heat, since I don't have to be out... presentable.

Today?  Laundry, dishes (what little is left), a trip to the hardware store and grocery store.  And maybe some painting?  Oh, a shower and shave, and bedding.  Wow.  Someone is getting ambitious!  It could happen.  Oh, I need to remember coffee.  Just for "mornings*", actually more like a "noon spot*".  Better to add cream to, tea is... odd with cream.  Oh and the post office, plus a call to ss, and paying my phone and two other bills.  GAH!

First, to wake.  GAH!

* with the given that my morning, noon, afternoon, etceteras, could be any time of the day, with no certainty from the past or present - I slide through time at angles that... well, enjoy your ways, if more regular

Some things.

.
.
The laundry has been fluffed.  Just need to clear a basket to bring it out for folding.  The dishes got hit, some needed more cleaning so are soaking with a bit more.  Most were clean so have been rinsed, dried, and put away.  Dinner, roast pork, boneless this time, was cooked and a small slice eaten.  I'll have another, with eggs, after folding, bedding, and maybe a bath.

Right? I don't know.

.
.
Dream.  The biting lyrics, it was indicated.  "No, this child will not suffer"?  Chidingly, if not just about that but on many fronts.  I was supposed to just fall, my face crumble into a scrunched sponge, and maybe cry.  I just laughed at the assault.  At one time, for most of my life, that would have worked.  Now?  I suffer gladly, as a gift for those in purgatory.  The pain, steep as it is even now, is no true burden, but an opportunity.  I would... do... lessen it as possible.  If curable, I would do it.  As is I live with it as a gift to the soul.  No choice.  While one can learn to live with pain, it shouldn't be sought.

Oh, about water.  Starting today, compression socks.  As well, I am hoping to restart the rosary.  It... may take a lot longer.  Focus is shot.  However, the secondary gift of doing the rosary is that I do that while in a resting position on the bed, and can use the wall to elevate my legs for at least an half hour.  I didn't do these things earlier because I couldn't think well.

Laundry will get a spin in a bit.  Dishes, just a small dish pan, will be hit too.  A bit of cleaning in the kitchen and bathroom is on the list.  Then bedding is to be changed.  Teeth brushing is back on the menu, as is foot care.  When I suggested I wasn't doing much?  Pretty literal.  I want to catch up, go a bit more, then rest and push in blocks.  I think I can.  Later.