Not yesterday.

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Today.

Up at the same time.  Same mood, if too same squishy body.  Maybe a bit better.  No aspirin yesterday, perhaps today. I remembered to raise the thermostat, to 74.  A shower was easy then.  Back to 70 after.  A load of laundry should be finished.  A trip to the post office.  So far.

I am hoping to redo paperwork.  Then get that in.  Maybe do some shopping.  I was almost sure, with today being the day, it would have snowed.  No complaints, just an understanding.  No snow, or yet.  All good in any case.  I thought it must be Wednesday already, but not quite.

Oh, I best get to the ducks.  If I shop, new watering containers for them.  Hmm, I may use their feed bowl for water today, switch them.  They will clean their food become water bowl quite clean.  They have done it before.  Well, clean of food, they are dirty birds.

Later.

Good morning.

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A bit rough, and dark.  I woke late.  But general mood is quite good.  Good enough to slowly rise, perhaps take aspirin, begin sorting life, and getting back on track.  I think so.  I'm about to heat the last of the meatzza, and make meatloaf... probably for tomorrow.  Cooking it on the grill.  An instant thermometer is your friend.

I need to begin again with food, and drink.  Cutting artificial sweeteners to eating times, and only twice a day, cutting meals to an eight hour period each day and only two... one liquid, one more physical, with perhaps a snack... macadamian or other nuts, sardines (in olive or their own oils).  Well, and then back to multiday fasting every week, or every other.  Yeah, it is time.  I am back well enough on medication, plus over the flu well enough.  I won't recover from exhaustion without returning to better foods and methods of eating.  I am enough better to begin attempting better eating.

In time I will return to a four to six hour eating period, perhaps less... perhaps approaching a single meal, if I found that a two hour slow meal works best.  It will take time to get back to that sort of eating.  Notice I don't call it a diet?  It isn't what most call a diet.  It is just how to eat, for life.

I'll be making broth as soon as I can sort the kitchen around.  Beef and chicken, a mix, slow cooked in a 20 quart pot.  I think I'll need the whole thing.  It is for intermittent fasting, a way to get minerals, fat, and other stuff.  Not a daily, even then... an alternative to fatted tea, every other day if I can keep up.  Good stuff.

I am hoping to be ready to hit things tomorrow, at the latest, if by clearing the way today.  It is exciting to begin seeing the future again.  A bright one.  If hoping I don't hear a train whistle as I head into the light.  *grins*  Later.

Wow, a little goes a very long way.

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Keto food that is.  I felt terribly hungry.  Using a pound of meat, perhaps a quarter pound of else, though some went away through rendering, I tried to feast.  I couldn't eat half.  I really charged at it.  I forgot how dense keto food is.  Further, it turns of taste buds.  It was like hitting a culinary brick wall, but in the best of ways.

Keto helps sustain intermittent fasting.  You just don't sense the need to eat.  If, though, the trick is to eat anyway, but as wisdom not desire dictates.  If you fail to eat wisely you will eat wrongly, one way or another.  Eat, well, correctly.  If, even then, good luck.  You will need a small portion of it.

I am hoping to get back to keto.  It really allows me to eat less, better, and more efficiently.  The last two days I couldn't fill myself as well on twice as much burger, on buns, with fries and soda.  It really is the way to go... if you can handle not loving food.  It becomes a chore, to eat.  There is no more love... just chewing, swallowing, repeat.

The ducks were well.  Shuttered for the night.  The girls were fed twice today, they deserve, need, luxury from time to time.  Nothing else, but fine.  Aspirin did handle the pain.  Every third day, if needed... wanted.  Good night.

Finally, a recipe I think will work.

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Several were possible.  But each seemed too much.  Simplicity, with ingredients I have on hand, yes.  I will add to it.  Anchovy and tomato paste, anchovy into the meat, tomato into the sauce.  I don't have olives, but I can work with finely diced onion and garlic, perhaps some other add?  Hmm, maybe mom's salsa instead of actual tomato else?  Though with paste to thicken.  As well, half burger, half lamb?  Yum!

Ducks, aspirin, and medicine.

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Up late, even getting to bed well.  It is What it is.  The body hurts a good bit.  Too much junk food.  Until I can get to cooking, fast food is it.  Hopefully I can start today.  More meat thawed.  I sort of got stuck on burger.  Chops and steaks are easier.  Meds and a handful of aspirin in a bit.

I fed and watered the ducks first thing.  While still cold, at 22° F, it is very bright, sunny, out there.  It was truly nice... good for the spirits.  The ducks were a bit skiddish again.  I assume the killer has been back.  I hope I catch it.  I may have to use a trick or two.  Probably leave it to animal control or the sheriff.  Assuming I can obtain evidence.

Dreams indeed, but just for me.  If it helps, they... or it?, was reassuring.  Why I have fear and worry, even now?  Though it will grow so very dark.  And I can't always focus on God.  Some of us have work in the deepest of darkness, have to go in, look, focus.  God knows, only gives what we can handle.  As a Herdsman to His sheepdogs, even us monsters among them.  Work, but care, assurances, feeding.

I'll get medicine shortly, with the pain pills.  I am hoping to get trash and recycling out.  Starting in on laundry and dishes, plus getting paperwork ready to go.  Ugh.  I'll try.  If the aspirin helps it will be easier.  Later.

Such things.

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I avoided this song, for many reasons, for a year now?  More.  Years.  I made excuses to not watch it.  The truth  is, I knew watching it would remind me of a future which bothers me.  A present to.  Knowing does not mean being able, or even willing, to change anything.  Would you stop Christ's return to prevent the rest?  I can't, wouldn't, as little as I like what will happen, even to the darkness I lead to destruction.

Not much possible.

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I checked on the ducks.  They really seem to be enjoying the extra bedding.  Their water remains open.  I did add more food.  As much as is eaten, actually say a quarter of what is eaten, is lost to becoming frozen in their water plus food feast.  I am just glad to see them eating again.  I may move the food further from the water trough, but am not terribly worried.

Milk and cream arrived.  That is always a joy.  I am thinking of making a meatloaf, if I am not sure I can.  Going keto... almond flour, cream cheese, cream gravy...  and a bit fancier with burger and ground lamb.  I need to find an exact recipe from which to begin.  While I don't believe in recipes in the end, in the beginning, with brand new ingredients, wisdom suggests them.

A major problem with youtube recipes is you often have to watch the whole vid to know if it's what you want.  Why not coconut flour?  Takes a lot of eggs and other moisture... each varied ingredient comes with it's own quirks.  And I don't have all ingredients.  Some I won't carry, some I can't/won't afford.  Still looking for a solid recipe.

May nap first though.  So tired.  Later, at best.
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Some answers to the question.

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Who are you?

I think those who offered answers are not those who asked, mostly.  Some ask rhetorically.  I believe.  As well, the answer offered comes down to...

He said...

Down right.

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Down right at 22:00, up at an half to 10:00.  Too much sleep, no choice.  At it right away, one of my goals.  Fresh wood chips, and another bag of leaves, out for the ducks.  I would have added more straw but they really didn't need it.  They seem to keep their nesting area clean.  Food and water after that.  Late, but as timely as possible with the givens.

I started the grill while at it.  I use a lot less charcoal, as I learn, and only on half of one side.  If I slow cook something, just about stopping it all down, run it for hours, then I'll create a full and deep bed of coals.  It runs a lot hotter, gets there faster, with an half bed.  Not really hungry, if that isn't a reason to, or not to, eat.  Sensations should only be a clue, a tip to investigate further.  If you shouldn't be hungry, see what last you ate.  If your food isn't sustaining rightly, choose better food.  In my case, often, it is becoming just the opposite.  I have to remember to eat.  Better.

I lost track of medicine yesterday.  Back on it today.  It is 26 ish F out there, I think.  Not bad but still rather chilly.  Later.

A difficult day.

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Getting started was brutal.  Down a bit after 23:00, up around 9:30.  A shower nearly immediately?  I... think so.  Couldn't get a move on, further, until 13:30.  A call, medical.  Incoming.  Some information given, received.  A call for a lab set up, next week perhaps.  Closer than SLC .

I did get the lime.  Then cat litter and a few other items.  Everything except groceries.  I'm not ready to cook, or much, anyway.  Well, other than feeding, watering, and litter duty this morning.  Forgot meds though.  It really is a difficult last few days.  I can't focus.  I'll keep at it.

I checked the ducks a bit ago.  Water is good, food too.  I hope to put out wood chips and leaves tomorrow.  It is getting and staying right around the low teens.  The duckles seem good with it, but I'd like to help.  I am pleased to have the birds.  I hope they have a good life, minus dogs.  I'll get that sorted for spring.

Okay, I did forget extra watering containers, four... perhaps six since I also use them for food and they get so fragile when frozen.  Tomorrow?  Maybe.  Groceries and those, a short fast run.  So tired though.  Not sick, just exhausted.  Oh, I have lost more weight back on the feed bag than when sick.  I am down to 158.  Crazy.

Good night.

Visitors.

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Dead.

They keep asking.

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Who keeps asking?  So many voices!

Other than ducks and calls...

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I couldn't get out.  Not feeling well.  Pretty rough.  I will check on the ducks again.  Mostly just their water, well and food.  I best feed the girls (always a reference to cats, as there is a male duck).  I cleaned their litter, will check again.  I do try.  I hope to shower yet today, maybe shave, perhaps eat again.  It's rough.

I did get a call back from the V.A.  Optometry, not opthemology, and they already have an appointment arranged... somehow.  Through them I will reset the other.  Bleh.  No call back from primary.  Will try back tomorrow.  Bp is again sub 140/90, if pulse is back into the high 80's.  Whatever.

So bad again.  The flu, again, or just continuing malaise from it?  Ugh.  Later.

Three calls.

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Later than hoped.  If getting through messages and writing down extensions, then getting through, even to message services at the V.A. took a redonkulously long time.  No one's fault, just bad timing.  I was prepared to leave messages, and so I did.  Oh, the easy one was checking on the lime.  It is in.  More grocery and other shopping today along with it.  I have the path set, for efficiency.  As well, a partial list.  If I can find the original list, I am in like Flint.

Lunch already.  I'll check on the ducks.  They make keeping the water thawed a game, one I can tell they truly enjoy.  While they are getting back to life, they are very frightened even of me.  Though they never did exactly warm to me.  I even had a hen attack my boot the day before their own attack.  I had felt that was a good omen.  Perhaps it was, if there are limits?

Not feeling the best today.  It's not the flu, but lingering issues?  It feels like it, but that seems unlikely.  Who knows.  I best check on the birds, then prepare for more.  Good day.

Rough around the edges.

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Very tired as well.  Even on medication regularly, my blood pressure is jacking as high as the 170's/110's, if pulse has been in the low 70's.  That is the right arm.  The left pulls it down to the 150's/90's~100's, pulse the same.  The only thing different is eating again and cutting the water pill.  Food?  Maybe.  The water pill?  Possibly.  I'm going back to three of those, and will watch consumption after this large thaw of meats.  Blood sugar had been stable, even beginning to drop.  Not today.

I am up a bit late today.  At 7:30, it isn't too bad.  I have no idea when I went to bed, if I believe it was before 21:00, after 20:00.  I am achy this morning, have been since getting over the flu.  Probably from all that sleep.  Until I can lean into work the kinks will remain.  Aspirin will do, every few days.

I am learning how to layer, with winter clothing.  There is this and that garment, two to five layers, tops and bottoms, then of various materials, for various situations.  Active from a slow walk to heavy work or a serious pace, to partly or completely immobile such as in a hunter nest or blind.  I realize I need bigger boots for thicker socks.  Why manufacturers try to push sizes too small I can't say.

I have opened things up for the ducks, gotten them water as well.  They still have a cup of food, so no more.  I will check later.  They are back to eating.  It is a matter of adjusting feed to their current needs.  I am guessing about a cup and an half per day.  I like to feed them twice, with the majority in the morning.  Oh, I'd like to put out more wood chips, leaves, and a bit more hay.  I like my critters.

I have realized I can't keep the furnace up.  I simply can't sleep that way, even stripped. I still sleep too hot.  I could keep the door shut, if even that isn't a guarantee.  But then the girls would be pounding on it half the night and giving me stink-eye for... forever.  So, like or not, down to 68 at night.  If I was more sure about things, I would take it to 62.  I wouldn't notice in my bedroom.  I think the cats can handle to just above the high 40's, and that long term, so 62 would do.

Well, fatted tea, a few chops, then to work if possible.  A few calls around 11:00, docs, supplies... then plans from there.  Life has become a crossbreed of an elephant and a rhino... it has become an heliphikno.  You can quote me.  No complaints, just sharing observations.  ;p  Later.

Well?

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I had planned a number of things.  I have been checking water.  Amazingly it has remained thawed.  Actually I should dump it at night.  A very good thing.  This way I can do fresh water every day.  I had planned to plow the drive.  I figured I had to 15:30~16:00.  I was hoping to do it so it wouldn't become the burden for another.  I didn't count on the other brother.  It's not too much, but it is time.  And sometimes fussing with bits.  Today it was a pin.  Not sure if it needed replaced or removed then returned due to an odd plane angle.

I had been waiting for a call, that the lime was in.  I lost track.  No call.  I will call tomorrow.  I also missed my nap.  Bleh.  I will let the ducks have their water until it goes dark, then dump it.  I don't want the container to hard freeze and they don't drink at night anyway.  Right, and I need to call the V.A., several departments.  Ugh.

Not much going.  I'll keep... hoping, praying, trying.  Later.

It is good to be eating again.

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Pork chops and a steak.  Took three tries to get the coals to take, no surprise at 12° F.  It is so very good to be eating and have meat available.  I'll slow down consumption soon.  I'd like to try a keto meatloaf tomorrow.  It should last a bit, but I have other meats thawed.  All good.  I'll slow how much is thawed after this batch.

I am trying a smaller water container in with the ducks.  If they can keep that thawed, I'll have a much easier time keeping them in fresher water.  Though I have my doubts I want to try.  It's a lot easier to work with two to three gallons, in any state, than six to twelve.

I'll check in on them, mostly the water, shortly.  Then a nap.  It is snowing, so I will need to plow before long.  Thankfully it isn't so wet of a snow this time.  The last time it was as if I showered.  Both the volume of snow and it being on the line between freezing and not.  Later.

Such a strange evening then morning.

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A power outage yesterday afternoon put an odd spin on things.  While I have lighting options, only flashlights are right to hand.  I suspect very minor looking would find lamps, with oil, ready.  I wasn't in the mood to read though.  What else would there have been to do in such light?  Instead I went in to sleep.

I had to get up, to check my wires.  As cold as it is, I would need heat, which would require electricity for the fan.  If it was my wires down, they would never know.  I could wake in serious trouble and in a frozen home.  Thankfully it wasn't my wires.  I decided to call it in anyway.  By 19:00, yes they knew, had a crew on site, would send updates.  So, back to bed.  Couldn't sleep, wasn't time... rested.

It all came back at about exactly 19:00.  The second outage this week.  It always gives cause for concern when it is this cold.  If it isn't terribly unusual.  No complaints.  Perhaps I should set the temp to 72 and leave it there though.  It had already dropped to 66 or lower.  That in what had been 72, and the heated parts.  While I had usually been doing 70, I had it up during the day the last few days to encourage activity.  As cold as it is getting, perhaps 72 to keep more cushion.  My bedroom, which doesn't have ducts, is 49° F... if that is both normal and preferred... or cooler.

I woke with the lights.  A dinner, Internet, if I couldn't do much.  As with this morning... stuck in, at, Nothingsville.  You have no idea the hunger to do, work, play, but with no mechanical means to that end.  I'll get fatted tea, to warm me before checking on the ducks.  Last I checked, shortly before the outage, their water was thawed.  They don't drink at night though.  It will be frozen.  Oh, I need more basins.  One broke in the cold. But I want taller ones, of similar volume.  I might get four, and insulation so as to create an insulated nest... see if that might make it through the night.

Oh, has youtube died, or just shut of access "to some"?  Wondering if anyone else can't get vids to play.  Can get to the site, just not play vids.

I'll try to do some other work today.  Oh, the hydrated lime, or such, will be in today.  Which means shopping, so a shower.  Ugh.  Later.

The cold, ducks, day.

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I haven't been able to work.  The girls and ducks have been checked, fed, etc.  The water is remaining mostly thawed out for the ducks.  The do their part.  It has warmed to nearly 20° F, 18° I think.  Oh, as to the thermometers?  It may simply be a difference of sunshine.  The difference seems to go away at certain times, returning at others.  Even further north, in winter, on drab days, sun or lack of it makes more difference than I suspected.  Or, who knows.  They started out similar, then had about 6° difference.

I'd love  to shower, make some calls, do some work.  I think I am about to crash so hard and fast it could hurt.  I'll take a few aspirin on the way down, plus night meds.  Good night.

More mushrooms and roast beef.

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Delicious.  Lots of butter, plenty of garlic, a pinch of salt pepper and an Italian blend this time.  As well, I am trying to escape using the microwave.  It is being cooked or reheated in the oven.  I truly do not trust microwaves, less so when dealing with fats.  Veggies?  Dunno.  I'll keep the nuke around, probably.

Then again, I'd love to go to stainless and cast.  Such high maintenance, I don't care what they say.  When feeling better, though, I may try harder to implement stainless.  Ugh.

A nap after lunch.  Then back to work.  Laundry, perhaps a shave, maybe setting up some dishes... small loads, so as not to overwhelm.  I missed recycling, but with only cat food cans and milk jugs, and only two tiny bags in there, it's not a problem.  The trash, on the other hand... but that was taken.  I did pull them from the roadside.  A struggle, if not just for me.  *grins*

A dream, not long ago.  Somehow seeing through God's eyes.  He was looking at women in a way only He can.  He can't see sin.  So strange.  Now I knew there was sin.  Lord knows women know, far more than most men.  I realized, in part, that is why there are mechanisms in place to protect us, in our current state, from God's love.  Even Lucifer is protected... if he can't see it that way.

Why I was shown I cannot say.  Especially with my... various understandings.  Even so, I was grateful for the opportunity.  And the wonder of seeing women in the fullness of their hoped potential.  It adds to my suspicion of why God gave us what He denied holiness.  A gift of hope, in faith, with charity, to and for both parties.  Such strange creatures.  Pandora indeed, but with a purpose even in her darkness.  If desperately in need of the patriarchy.

Later.