Wwwwwhack!

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Out of the ballpark.  Gone.  A couple hours after dinner and... blood sugar is down 55 points.  At 211 from fasting.  I ... well the direction, given meal proximity?  Yeah.  Good.  I am about to dig into the chocolate cake thing.  I used the second one, if I won't again.  It has way more carbs than  advertised.  The three tablespoons of sweetener?  Yeah.  Even at teaspoons, for most sweeteners, that is more carbs than adverted.  Perhaps it was a mistake, and this thing will be a monster, too sweet to even eat.  I like the recipe otherwise, if I'm not sure I trust it for other reasons... including that there is no flour.  I just wonder if the eggs will produce more of a souffle?

I gave it an extra five, but it hasn't set.  I turned the oven off and am letting it stay in it with the heat off and door open.  It... may be bogus.  I did put it in early, before it reached 350.  I might have time to try the other if so.  Yes, I have about three more hours.  I want more food in, if possible.  Ugh.  Perhaps an ounce of macadamia nuts too.
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Okay, a few things.  The recipe I used worked.  It tastes better if you enjoy darker chocolate.  I am, even so, well satisfied... other than the massively undercounted carbs.  It truly is a molten chocolate cake.  I might be able to cut the granular, adding sucradrops to amend the carb count.  Still, it is good to enjoy a mostly conscientious chocolate dessert again.  As to baking time?  Living at altitude has it's affects... which I nearly perfectly danced around, even blindly.  My eye for the right wiggle is still acute.  Ladies should be cautious... or... not.  *wink*  oh, and adding nuts would send this... pecans, macadamia, walnuts... oh yeah.

Later.

Oops!

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Coconut flour, before and after an egg wash, just doesn't do well.  I should have done one of the chops in crushed pork rinds.  As was, neither were palatable.  Thankfully I had a steak thawed.  I must admit my oven then pan searing technique is far superior to my grilling efforts.  It was delicious.  I've had a fatted tea, will probably have another.  With the steak I will call that good.  I'll check blood sugar in an hour.  That should be the high point, though as blood sugar drops, blood sugar can drop even more while eating keto and doing intermittent fasting.  Time will tell.

Tomorrow I plan on a mixed meat meatloaf... beef, lamb, and pork.  This time I will be using pork rinds as a bread crumb replacement.  Garlic, Italian seasonings, eggs and cheese, perhaps worcestershire sauce?  I'm never sure.  If I can get to a few things tonight, I am hoping to begin bone broth tomorrow.  It would be a fantastic addition to my liquids.  Can't afford coffee this month, maybe next.  Still, broth will be welcome.

I'll need practice with chops, in any case.  I have done my best with the grill, with those.  I am beginning to think baking meats of those thicknesses, then getting a char however possible, is best... gets it more done without drying or burning.  It's been a while since I cooked, and it's cold.  We'll see.

I might try a microwave mug cake.  Just... to seee.  Might do it in the oven though.  I really am suspicious of the microwave, especially concerning fats.  Yes, a keto, not cheat'o, recipe.  Fie, I'll add several.  Not sure which.  Later.

Control levers.

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Still a hundred too high, and change if absolutes are equated.  My blood sugar is 266.  That is a hundred drop from the last three days, two hundred less from the day before, which was several days after going to regular food if at very irregular times, without patterns in sleep or consumption.  It is the lowest number since I started checking again.  Required, as I had to begin eating and that was the only way.

Still, a one hundred point drop, overnight?  Excellent.  There was one before it, but that was fast food leaving my system.  This is from literally controlling what and when I eat. The first day of it.  I am about to get a fatted tea, then start the grill.  Or, the grill will wait a bit.  I had beets yesterday.  I love them, but not for every day.  No sugar added actually makes a huge difference, for can items.  I can eat all canned fruits and veggies that I have found that are packaged clean that way without serious blood sugar spikes.

Wait, I will be pan frying tonight, so no grill.  Sure heats faster.  But it is messier.  Perhaps I should get my outdoor propane stove set up.  It's elevated, heavy duty, and says 100k heat output (which would only really be wanted for my massive canner).  Still, better to have more and turn it down than not enough.  Though, at near freezing outside, it might need that extra to get started.

Yeah.  If ill, doing poorly, look to food.  Sugar is a killer, carbs are slow or fast sugars, really.  Like Ozzy sang, at least, wine is fine but whisky is quicker.  Goes for all sugars.  If it's all you have?  At least avoid the smooth stuff!  Two hundred in four days though?  Crazy, especially trying to stuff the food down.  It's all about what and when you eat.

Later.

Up early?

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I can't be sure.  Besides, my sleep and wake cycles are twisted, in every way.  From lengths to numbers a day.  Exhausted and confused from the time I wake until... always.  Working through things in little ways.  Doing what I can, then some, if it isn't much.  Food, currently since medicine is back to regularity, is the target.  I'll have fatted tea for breakfast in an hour or two as I get the grill going.

It's 35° F out there.  Not quite warm.  The problem with being just above freezing when snowy and icy, is all that thaw goes into the air.  What makes an air conditioner  (an electric air cooler, perhaps, where you live)?  Well, it depends on higher humidity.  So, for a natural air conditioner such as the weather, a greater humidity will add to the feel of cold.  Does for me anyway.  If it hit 45°, then it truly feels warmer.  That's my story.

A bit of raw tea as I wake, plus medicine.  Setting up for a hot tea.  Ugh.  It's a rough world lately.  I think I am headed towards better days.  Just need to get back in the saddle.  Food.  As any real physician would know, but only animal vets will practice... start off with food.  If that isn't up for discussion, leave or milk them for symptom but not disease treating pills.

With the magic of the intertubes, everything is done, though fatted tea is still a bit off.   A shower, after more dishes.  Laundry, food, and some work on a desk, then computer setup?  Maybe.  Or not.  Those things are planned in any case.  Oh, aspirin again today. Oh, I may try to do a smashed pork rind 'breaded' pork chop tonight.  Trying to make them more appetizing.  Hmm... Perhaps try one that way, the other drenched in coconut flour?  Deep frying both.  Maybe.

Later.

Insomnia to the rescue?

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Actually, sort of, probably.  I really wanted to sleep.  Couldn't.  I realized right as the window of opportunity was about to close that I could get a last meal in.  I had another fatted tea, and a regular tea with artificial sweetener through to then.  I am trying to only use that in every other tea, and only during "meal time", the eight hours when food is allowed.

Anyway, I was able to eat.  I finished off two thirds of what remained from the first meal... not much to be honest.  An hour after the last meal and my blood sugar is the lowest for the day, if still way too high.  Nary another calorie, or even artificial sweetener, until 16:00 or later if I'm not up to it.  I don't mind stretching if it isn't too brutal.

But, yes.  To control diabetes both what I eat and the right volume is crucial.  I am most likely eating to few calories, even pushing.  Enough to both begin controlling blood sugar and opening up my appetite to gain even more control.  As well, I am hitting the fat to protein to carb ratios... or getting ballpark ranges.

I am absolutely stuffed.  I'd really like to sleep.  I... can't.  Insomnia is turning into a double edged sword.  It is a negative aspect of the initial stages of ketosis, as is lethargy, lack of concentration, flu like symptoms.  I can hope it is ketosis.  Keep pushing through.  Ugh, it's been an ugly winter.  I have had worse.

Later, or good night.

Difficult to eat.

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A couple of pork chops and a steak.  I planned to save some of it for tomorrow or later.  I was only able to eat one chop and a third of the steak.  My favorite foods, done right, didn't matter.  I thought i was hungry.  I guess not?  Another fatted tea, it adds something.  There is actually an opportunity to eat another meal before the eight hour window closes.  I have a bit over four hours.  And I will try, if I can't see it as I feel.  Better to shove something in the belly than become desperately hungry later.

I just don't want to eat.  I feel no need.  And, yet, I do... what I would call a ghost hunger.  More like, perhaps, akin to what people have lost limbs must feel, something from nothing.  Even fluids have been hard to get down.  So difficult to be absolutely stuffed on so little and yet still crave... but crave ghost things as well.  Nothing I could eat or drink would satisfy, only increase suffering.

More, I believe it is time to go to bed.  Ducks and girls have been fed, watered, and several times.  I'll take medicine before crashing.  Oh, and clean litter.  I hope to wake in a bit.  So much for a later dinner.  Later or even later, perhaps good night.

Sleeping on notions.

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One of the notions found, which annoyed me profoundly, was the idea that intermittent fasting wasn't necessary.  Oh, I get it.  Some people don't need it, and, really, exploring what really does and doesn't work is, honestly, a wise thing.  However, for me, currently, i.f. is better than not.

Why get annoyed?  Because I am having a hell of a time with my planned eating, as well as sleeping, working, and every damned thing.  So quitting a part of it, a difficult part at the moment, was tempting.  But.  No.  Just no.  However, in looking, I found the notion... which I knew, but with focus shot to shit I couldn't implement until I ran into it as advice... make the project work for you.  If you can't go to it, let it come to you.

Hmm?  Well, if I can't go without breakfast well, by feel or blood sugar numbers?  Then, for as needed, start my i.f. meal time in the morning.  It isn't optimal, but it is a start.  I need to get my food in order or nothing else will work.  For now I have to slide on things or quit.  Quitting is choosing death, plus a lot of pain and humility on the way.

No.  I will get back at it.  If I have to eat early, so be it.  If I initially have to eat too much, okay.  If blood sugars will take a bit of a hit, up front, so that I can begin eating, alright. Food, you can't live with it, you can't live without it.  Although, with a little care you can find balance... if balance can only be found through imbalance as an initial contrast.

So, meat is grilling.  Medicine has been taken.  I missed last night, the first failure in three days?  It's as good as it gets, given all else.  I'll keep at it.  Mulligans, cheats, hacks, and plain suffering failures and humiliation without quitting in the big picture.  It isn't too bad, just how life goes.  Blessings.  Later.

Whole cream for the win.

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I am certain there are limits.  However, one cup of it into the making of a quart of otherwise tea raised my blood sugar by five points in an hour.  I am going to say my blood sugar will naturally vary that much, even quite a lot more, without any catalyst.  For me that is excellent.  If I need fat, which I certainly do restarting keto, this is an extremely fast and easy way to add fat.

I have actually had it well argued that with body fat loss as a goal, even if not the primary objective, my fat consumption should not be in the 70~90%  range.  Even starting out, perhaps a 3:2 fat to protein ratio.  That would be by total calories of fat and protein, or the percentage would be 70 % if going by grams... fat grams are 9 calories per, protein (and carbohydrates) are 5 calories per gram.  Once hunger fades, after a couple weeks, then dropping fat intake to parity with protein, a one to one ratio, was the next suggested step.  That is a starter portion of nearly 60/40%, then to 50/50.  The argument seems reasonable... from my experience so far.

As well, the notion of zero carbs was presented, from several sources tonight, as viable.  I am beginning to lean that way, if nothing else, for ease of cooking especially with a grill and the heartiness to cook on it at even 0 F.  Something mentioned was that it is more the protein that satiates.  Yeah, I think so.

Back to higher fat meats for a bit, then ease off.  Fatted tea for when I can't cook, or eat well.  And just extra fast calories so only a single meal need necessarily be cooked.  Maintenance calories would be at 4200~4400 calories, for me.  Don't try that at home, kids.  Not sure how much is recommended to shave for loss, if I do know too much deficit doesn't work, at least until hunger is managed, meaning I am well into ketosis.  It'll be a while.  As is I have been shorting calories, worse, good calories.

Intermittent fasting won't be possible either, until hunger is back under control.  I have plenty of meat thawing.  Every third meal, for now, I will get a veggie of some sort going.  Or a glass of milk.  I still believe in milk, just in smaller rarer amounts or fermented as kefir or yogurt.

Anyway, I had concerns, questions, doubts.  Still do, just not as heavily.  Not all of what I heard and read was to my liking.  That is what experience will answer.  Yes, I dare.  Later, or good night.

Do they, you, know?

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Or do they, you, some of you, only guess?

Tinkering.

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Physician, heal thyself!

So be it.  Blood sugar, two hours after Zevia, was back down to it's already ugly start.  Five hours after that, consuming only basic tea, chilled, about a gallon, blood sugar has dropped a hundred points from the return to the starting point.  Now I am going to try what is either heavy cream or half and half?  It was so thick I had to add milk for flow (no complaint mind you).  I added one cup, then mixed hot tea to about a quart.

I will try this with various amounts, and various cream consistencies.  No sweetener, though I may add a touch of salt.  Yeah, in time I will try various sweeteners, but not with my numbers so off.  Salt shouldn't have an affect.  Pepper might not be bad either.  The goal is to check it a half hour after finishing it.

Later, an actual meal and dishes rotated... some dried, some put to a rinse, more set to a soapy soak.  Ducks have been put up for a while now.  The cat litter could be checked for the third time.  Perhaps, as I begin a real meal, a snack for the ladies.  No more canned, they have become spoiled.  I must remember to only give them an extra can about twice a month.  Otherwise they begin pushing for that extra can.  Nope!

Sleep has been off.

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A few hours late at night, around the arctic cap of the day, up a few, then down again until past the equator.  But it is slowly changing, heading deeper into the afternoon.  Nothing I can do.  I don't sleep when I want to sleep, I sleep when choice is gone.  Otherwise I would sleep at 19:00~21:00 and wake at 3:00~5:00.  I like being awake before dawn.  A good time to think things through quietly, then be up to speed before the rest of the world is even awake.  A good time to exercise and pray, too.

As is, I simply don't have choice.  Not that I don't push to get my way.  I try to stay asleep when I go down early.  Simply can't.  I keep trying to wake early, and I do wake.  I simply can't stay awake.  The brain just doesn't work right, it hurts too much as well... some mornings.

Blood sugar is staying wicked high.  I have to figure this out.  Perhaps go on fast, if I am not ready for a total extended fast.  Perhaps a fat fast...  that is a fast with half my usual calories at 90 % Fat, or as close to it as possible.  Legit?  Worth a shot.  Cream and macadamian nuts make the project much easier.  Actually, there is another nut that has even higher fat ratio.  It is difficult to get that high of fat content though.

The crazy thing is, everything that is supposed to offer a pass on blood sugar spikes isn't working.  Getting a bit frustrated.  On the good side, some of it is so well individually packaged that monkey business would require... international level functionaries.  While I have a paranoia bone almost as thick as my standard, it's... not quite that thick.  So... it's just... something something.  I'll figure it out.

Example?  Zevia soda... canned... zero sugar, zero carbs, technically zero... everything.  One can, from fasting blood sugar, spiked blood sugar 59 points in nearly an hour!?!  Which makes me wonder about the stuff from yesterday.  Is my body just being really odd?  Tomorrow I will try plain tea.  If there is any kind of spike, then it just isn't normal.

Anyway, whatever is wrong seems to be messing everything up... sleep, diabetes, organ, bone, and joint pain, and a few other things.  These, save diabetes, aren't terribly intense... more just annoying.  Still, would rather figure these out.  I've been doing well with meds lately.  Oh, but need to add daily aspirin.  Yeah, I do try.  Really, mostly dead.  Ugh.

Later.

Just a bit.

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The ducks have been really enjoying the larger water tub and warmer days.  Cracking above freezing easily, and with the larger tub, especially with fewer ducks, baths for everyone!  I am well pleased.  If it means changing the water, I do it happily.  Clean ducks are warm ducks, which are healthy ducks.  Not just friends, if mostly for my part, they are beings to serve.

While figuring out how to serve, functionally might be annoying (if I would debate even that frequently), actually offering them what it takes to possibly enjoy their lives, even when I am terribly sick, is no bother.  Something human elites have forgotten.  Serving, even at cost, is far superior to merely sheering and otherwise consuming in a grossly derelict manner.

They are definitely enjoying the day.  The girls too.  Even if I am stuck in less than ideal health, I am beginning to figure things back out for myself as well.  Dishes were reset, and should get another shot or two before bedtime.  Perhaps laundry and food.  I need to thaw steaks, chops, or ground meat.  I do have egg casserole too.  Hmm, salsa, from mother, hot as hell, don't you know.  The woman might not be able to handle it, but she sure can dish it!

I did call her yesterday.  She sounds much better.

Yeah.  I'm climbing back up, doing better at least by feel.  If I can get cleaning, medicine, diabetes, and schedule back in line.  Ugh.  Later.

Almost a reset.

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I was down by 21:00, maybe up to an hour earlier.  Slept until midnight, give or take an half hour.  A few more hours awake then back to bed.  Not sure what woke me, if anything.  Couldn't wake until noon.  I wanted to be up early.  Woke a few times, but everything seemed Picasso or Dali.  No use staying awake in that mindframe.  Trust me.

I dreamed after my last attempt at waking.  A plague had befallen man.  Literally.  Women survived without a single loss.  Only one in ten men, perhaps less, survived.  Women thought this would bring them to power, initially.  Not so, just the opposite.  The men simply turned our backs on it and women surrendered easily.  It must have been the weaker men who died.

A system of pairing had been devised.  Any woman who wanted a husband would put in her name.  He would blindly pick a name.  He would start with five, eventually deciding if those women would fit, eventually choosing up to fifteen wives.  He could veto a few for any reason, rid a few more and replace, keeping between ten and fifteen.  Sex was mostly for breeding.  A lot of angry women, outside the marriage market.  No, not near as good for a guy as it sounds.  Actually I think women, if they could marry, were more satisfied.  At least the risk of her cheating was all but eliminated.  Mostly for us too.

Since waking, I tested blood.  Pizza yesterday, fast food most of the week.  Blood sugar is ugly.  I wanted to see if the electrolyte powder I use is diabetes friendly.  They are supposed to be.  This one not so much.  A hundred point spike in half an hour.  I had looked over ingredients.  Nothing stood out as problematic.  Either they are lying or something new to me is a problem.  I was beginning to suspect something was wrong with my ketonic.  So, each morning until I test each ingredient independently, I will try one ingredient, in plain tea.  Any failures I will attempt to replace.  This stuff is going in the trash, and will get an amazon comment.  Nothing bitchy, just the facts.

Might as well finish the pizza with such a terrible read.  Oddly sometimes that helps, if I wouldn't count on it.  It is good to begin finding problems again.  I was sure about this stuff, and wrong.  The rest should be good.  I hope.  Later.

Posting late, but for reasons.

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Awake late.  I did set the alarm for 10:00, if the alarm got bumped, pushing mountain into central time, which meant the ducks were fed an hour early.  Or whichever made 10:00 actually seem like 9:00.  All good.  I'd be feeding them at 7:00~8:00 if possible.  I couldn't wake until 11:00~noon, for the day, however.  Then I needed a shower, but cleaned, swept, and mopped the bathroom first.  Very nice looking.

Then visitors, to work in the front room.  Quite a bit done.  Then I set finished dishes to rinse, a few small portions to soak in soapy water, then I had to rest.  Didn't hear knocking or the doorbell.  My neighbor was flabbergasted that I heard nothing.  He can't understand that with all, given all, sometimes I rend the fabric of the veil of tears, end up walking just on the other side.  It wasn't focus, it was a little death.

Anyway...  A bit of rest and I am back enough for a quick post.  Soon to check on the ducks then, perhaps, sleep early.  Later or good night.

Dark notes and high points?

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She is up to her old tricks.  German, if through UN or EU, troops back in France.  In all of the riotous nations?  Probably.  As with the Nazi era, they own the European news, with enough Chamberlains in politics on the opposition sides to quell foreign news, and with American news in there pockets at least as well as Stalin and Hitler held them.  I wonder how many have really been murdered?  Tienanmen Square numbers?  More, less?  Surprised when I did a spelling check it showed.  I don't gulag things.  I laughed, when I heard gulag isn't producing the censored browser for China.  No need, that is google.

Slow cooked roast.

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More intricate this time.  From doing work on the grill to create a much lower and slower cooking environment to scoring the fat for better rendering results and else.  It took longer to figure the temp, get the grill up to speed.  Now I will check every quarter to half hour, to get and maintain between 250 and 300.  I wish I  could do better, and it might end up being stable.

It is cold, about 10° F.  Still in pj's, a t-shirt, socks, and flip-flops.  Though the grill creates a wonderful little zone, mostly, once lit and going.  I seem to handle "the cold" fairly well.  Morning or night, even working with frigid water, once I got used to doing that.  Even when quite ill.  Oh, and my feet remain in excellent condition from the pedicures.  Still, I am hoping to afford one next month.  They really help.

I emptied the ducks water, setting the pan over for a refill in the morning.  The dishpan material is far superior in the cold.  If it holds up, that will be my choice.  The other, harder, plastic chips, even freezes faster.   I know I can put up the water when it begins to freeze over.  That means the duckles are finished for the night.  I don't pull it until then as I prefer them to eat, drink, and bath as much as possible.

I am slightly surprised no other ducks were lost.  I think two others were bitten, for sure.  The bite can kill.  They are all looking good.

I've done some dishes.  A shower after my next check on the roast.  Then the dishes that were washed will get a soak, and more small batches of dishes soap soaked, and a recycling of laundry.  Oh, I must admit, non-stick really... can be good.  I had a pan of... something, out for... a while.  One quick sudsy soak and done.  Yeah.  Cancer?  If what I have already done doesn't merit it, and age doesn't induce it?  I expect a crocodile or meteorite will finish me anyway.  ;p  I am hoping to work through the roasting process.  Earn it.  So hungry, for work as well as food.  Later.

Late but moving.

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Better cold.  The egg casserole that is.  On balance I think I added too much meat.  More mushrooms by half, less meat by half, to improve it while warm.  Cold though, it is as good as it gets.  Can't taste the mushrooms, but I usually can't when it is cold.  I'll keep practicing now that I am almost back to some function, if every other week is as much as I can handle.  It is too rich to eat much even cold, especially cold?  I think either way it is extremely filling.  It is almost magic.

A shower, then paperwork.  Laundry to continue, and dishes in small batches.  Ducks and cats have been tended.  Baby, it's cold out there, if I didn't bother with boots, coat, or gloves... just pj's, a t-shirt, socks and flip-flops.  I am trying one of the new water troughs.  It holds 18 quarts, more than double what it is replacing?  Nearly double.  The other possible replacement is close, at 15 or 16 quarts.  Different types of plastic, seeing which holds up better.  Easy enough, full of water, for me to handle.

I did get back on medicine.  It's been spotty this week.  Still, I kept at it.  Missed about two days, one whole and two half days, I think.  I also forgot aspirin.  Got it in today, finally.  Oh, I have a few batches of dishes before I can shower, which I want to do before laundry.  Always something.  Later.

Snowing.

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Lightly, through the morning to the last time checked.  I didn't want to do the whole drive with it is still falling.  However, I had packages arriving.  The guy has always done me square, if that isn't the whole point.  I shoveled a path to both the front and back door, plus for the inside to the curb portion of his truck, salting there as well.  It's a tough gig in this weather, delivering packages.

I did both doors, in case he was in a hurry... Christmas and all.  Usually back door, as it is less visible to thieves... which has happened... and covered from the elements.  Favor favored, back door it was.  Serve those who serve, if possible.  It works best.  New boots, winter, the right size to accommodate thick socks and poor circulation.  A few other items to hopefully put up planters, hung from the ceiling, I want green out here.

A few loads of dishes started.  Laundry possibly rotated shortly.  Ducks checked a bit ago.  Egg and sausage casserole in a bit.  Perhaps a pork roast later.  Fatted tea shortly... a good way to break the intermittent fast.  When I get stock and coffee back in rotation, I'll mix and match.  Sometimes with or without cream, mtc oil, perhaps try ghee.  Yeah, it sounds strange, but if I can add hard muscle just sitting... it works.  I can only imagine if I could get to working out or swimming.

Oh, medicine!  I keep losing track.  I'll... get to it.  Later.

Shaved an hour off.

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Awake earlier.  No good reason.  I'll take it.  It has usually meant I am about to begin losing my days.  Not always, but, yeah.  Once in a while it is just a fluke.  Oh, I keep forgetting medicine, and aspirin.  Then again, very strangely, I have forgotten to drink tea, even fatted, the last few days.  Highly irregular.  Today, for those things.  If fatted tea will be considered a meal, and save for the appropriate times.

I got some things done yesterday.  More today.  The ducks were fed and watered first thing.  It looks like it snowed just a touch, or blew in the wrong direction a while.  Nothing to remove, from what I saw.  I ought to check the front walk.  It isn't to cold out, if back below freezing well enough.  Some days just feel colder, or less, disregarding the thermometers.

I am hoping to make an egg and sausage casserole in a bit.  Perhaps slow cook a picnic pork roast on the smoker later.  Longer, slower, more frequent turns, for those.  Food needs to be on hand, or I go bad.  Good food.  Avocado, sliced, if one of them is ready.  I am working on intermittent fasting again, so it'll be afternoon before a meal.

Later.

Almost not today.

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I still can't believe it is Tuesday.  If only for a while.