Bedtime.

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Early tonight.  I may see about putting water out, if it isn't too cold.  I'm not sure the ducks will use it.  But if it won't freeze...  It's the best I can do.  I'll water them when I wake anyway.  I just want them to have water earlier.  I doubt if they need food, but I'll check it too.

Blood sugar has been drifting from as low as 141 to 156 currently.  I haven't checked bp in a while.  Maybe tomorrow.  I will be ending my fast tomorrow.  Two days is short, but I don't want to drive while fasting, at least not someone else's vehicle and on a third day of fasting.  It would probably be fine, I just don't risk other people or their gear.  Meat is thawing, though if it isn't ready, or there isn't time, I have other options.

Good night.

A whiff on the cold winter wind.

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Is she... following me?  Leading?  Am I leading from behind?

Late, better.

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Up at 17:00.  Pretty late, even with the extended bed time.  A shower and shave shortly.  Oh, I won't need to rewash all the clothes.  The musty scent was transferred from a washcloth which had gotten forgotten and received that odor.  IT will be washed after soaking it in vinegar and soap for a day, perhaps microwaving it.  Hmm?  One actually very good use for microwaves... moisten something which has gone moldy, clean it off and out, then nuke it for thirty seconds to a minute.  Also works well on kitchen sponges.  Not sure about loofahs, natural or not.

A blood test right out of the gate, and a pot of tea set.  At 168 a gooder fasting blood read.  My first quart of plain tea down.  About to hit an a.c. vinegar ketonic, then an electrolyte water mix, then a sweetened tea.  I will be trying a new sweetener tonight, swerve probably.  The trick might be less finding the, right sweetener, but mixing, changing, which is used.  Sucradrops works, I suspect, until some variable dose is hit.  How much is in my system, what else was eaten and the order of consumption, all sorts of variables are in play.  I am hoping my theory and practices pan out.  Gotta keep at it.

An interesting dream.  If so, it would be a step back at madness, with madness, if toward sanity.  I doubt it.  I think men in America have surrendered.  Who knows.  I liked it anyway.

Later.

Oh well, tomorrow.

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The ducks were tended.  I stayed awake, purposefully, with that in mind.  The girls were fed as well.  The final blood draw read 137.  I tried a monkfruit mix, as the sweetener the last time.  It isn't very sweet.  I wasn't willing to use more, I was willing to simply accept.  That is more the key to eating right, that and learning what your body needs.

There is tomorrow, always until only.  Though then everyone ends up home, and yesterday.  I have gone through hunger, if I think the jump in blood sugar, or really what caused it, was the problem?  Perhaps both... caused hunger.  A spike, for any reason, leads to hunger.  I am amazed when people start hitting diabetes they don't seriously dig in, change their diet.  Then again I beat it several times before, but came right back to it.  To be fair, I had an untreated bad heart, lose focus badly even now that it is treated.  Back then I was always gone.  Ugh.

Good night.

Problems.

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The first?  I am cold, frigid.  I turned the furnace to 72, 74, now 76.  No help.  I haven't gotten to work, not sure I can.

I had my sweetened tea.  Sometimes it goes well, sometimes not.  This time not.  My blood sugar hit 250.  It is 147 two hours later.  I will experiment with some of the other sweeteners.  I keep try stevia, but beside not liking it... it isn't (to my tastes) sweet, and it has the worst elements of a black licorice aftertaste (I like black licorice, just not the derived bitter aspects)... it doesn't seem to do any better as to blood sugar.  It may be that any sweetener will have this effect from time to time.

My next sip will be water with electrolytes.  I have heard by one of my sources that bone broth  isn't good for fasting, the other says it's okay.  Both where wrong on other things.  I'll just have to try it experimentally.  It's not that my sources are... wrong.  They advise based on their experience.  Each of us seems to be quite different.

As well as cold, I am still exhausted.  I am hoping, perhaps, to get somethings done.  If not, tomorrow.  Driving again Wednesday.  I really am hoping to get a second vehicle in the next year, if I can get SS back.  Political thieves.  May Trump blast out the American haters.  Just wishful thinking, but there it is.  Destroy the fed unions.

Later.

A few items.

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Ducks were checked, if rather late.  Thankfully I set out two water bins yesterday.  They remained thawed, and with plenty of water.  They did need food, eating better.  All good.  I'll bet they will really dig in if they begin laying.  Oh, the other day... when I suggested rain would be good?  How about holding off on rain until it stops freezing?  Thank you... teh management.  Yeah, we got rain and it's a rough ice sheet back there.

I've had my apple cider vinegar ketonic and a quart of my first half gallon of straight tea.  The ketonic helps with the volume of fluid intake.  Blood sugar at 189 is down fifty points exactly from fasting waking testing.  I hope it keeps going down, but it'll do it's own thing until Thursday or Friday.  I am hoping to make broth by fast end.  A good first easy meal, though possibly a boost during the fast.

I am hoping to hit the bathroom, shower and shave, then set up dishes... maybe start laundry.  The laundry I had meant to fold needs to be rewashed.  Bleh.  With vinegar.  I left a load in too long and, well... *sigh*  I'll do what I can.  Later.

Up late, moving slow.

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I think bedtime was after 6:00.  I woke at 13:30, had to push out.  I woke three times before but couldn't stay awake.  Dreams?  I suspect, lost though.  I should get going.  A couple of video thoughts though.

The darkness and light, always blue.

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Ask and you shall receive?

What a strange night.

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I could tell you, but best to show you, or... what I dare.

All were given some.  There are patterns.  Shiva.  Sun.  Nimrod.  Timekiller, keeper if you must, will.  Oh, and okay.

Way late.

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Down around 1:30, I think.  Slept until 15:00.  Woke a few times before, couldn't stay awake.  Ducks first thing... two bins of water.  This time I snuck to a side window, attempting to watch them play.  Every time I'd look in, they would quit playing.  Eventually they did some playing.  Silly ducks.

Fasting blood sugar was 187.  Not prime, better.  Now to eat.  I may bake daikon o'grotten, have a salad while that bakes, then heat ribs with the daikon for the last half hour.  Actually, they are only supposed to take an half hour, so the ribs will just go in with.  I can't say I am hungry, only that food seems right.

Of course, the girls have been fed and watered.  I'll change their litter today.  It's overdue.  The furnace is up.  I'll check the duck water, refilling if need be, perhaps cutting to one fresh bin.  If late I try to spoil them.  As it warms they are eating more.  All good.

Later.

I knew, had to be.

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I've been nibbling all day.  Breakfast, fatted teas, jicama, ribs and mushrooms, sweetened tea, and probably other things?  So, yeah.  Blood sugar was going to be high.  Why even look if you already know?  Well, because.  Fears can't be fixed, only problems, only if you know them, face them.  Sure enough, at 143 it was...  way down?  I am pretty sure that is the best reading since I started testing after falling ill, or close... certainly in the last weeks.

Is it that I wasn't eating enough before, or at times?  Actually, yes.  I think that was part of it.  Deprivation is not good, at least not half measures.  Either fast or... get off the pot.  I mean eat to satisfaction, if the right foods, or fast, don't try to go halvsies.  What else?  Ah, I wasn't eating enough veggies.  They do help clear certain debris, help organs function.  As well, I think apple cider vinegar has been helping... started to work.  I don't get that slow digestion that plagued me so roughly or occasional acid reflux from drinking so much.  Oh, and I am drinking less, down to a gallon or two, from four to six gallons a day.

I don't hit every supplement or consumable every day.  Simply not possible.  Every other, or third, or fifth day.  Or two or three days, then it is forgotten for a bit.  High fats, accelerated omega 3's, and some protein, as well as heavy vegetables now, with almost no other carbs, fast or slow.

Sure was tempted by fast food.  Half the reason I bought beef ribs.  It was used as the carrot since I didn't have a big enough stick.  Carrots and sticks are the only tools which might engage my ass... mule if you must, certainly not donkey.  Glad now that I didn't.  I'll bet I am in solid ketosis too.  Not showing up on the pee sticks, if at this point it probably just means I am fat adapted so my body is using the ketones.

Now to get bp into the green zone.  Can't say I'm not trying.  Good night.

More ribs.

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I truly love those beef ribs.  Steak hasn't been tasting right, not enough fat or something.  It may be grass fed and finished?  A good thing for some.  If this is the result, it isn't what I want.  Perhaps my freezer is of?  Or do steaks have a very short freezer shelf life.  Hmm, or maybe too much fat is being trimmed?  Ugh.

These meat, and heavily fatted, ribs have the flavor I am dying for.  I'll look around for steaks I like.  Something just isn't right.  I also found tàrjin.  I haven't tried it yet, but will yet tonight.  I have the grill about ready.  After the meat is going, I will chop one of the jicama into sticks.  I want to try oven frying some of them too.

Celery and cream cheese has been quite good.  Peanut butter is tasty, but dubious for keto.  So, next month, I will be trying other (real, actually, as peanuts are legumes) nut butters.  Without additives, like crisco type fats, or other vegetable oils.  Avocado, ghee, coconut, olive (I have stopped buying olive oil until I can find some extra virgin that doesn't add other cheap, bad, oils), and animal fats that aren't a mix or highly processed.  It really looks more like they are trying to poison us with food, less like they are merely ignorant.

I may put off fasting for a day.  Finally getting out, with good meats, veggies, and new things to try?  Yeah, maybe two days.  Later.

Stupid sleep.

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Is it sleep, or more staying awake to long.  At the moment I can't be certain.  Little energy is problematic in a way most wouldn't immediately figure.  It isn't making me sleep too long, just the opposite.  Without burning off energy, I simply drift through wakefulness, extending my day.  Not sure what to do about it, except keep trying.

A shower, first thing.  A brushing and irrigation, then maybe a shave?  A start on breakfast first.  Then ducks.  Ugh.  Yes, up late.  Driving lessons this afternoon, I hope.  I am going to keep the chia cereal, but cut it to half a cup of mixed nuts.  Nuts have more of omega 6's, chia and flax have omega 3's.  I need more 3's.  Still, there is some room, and want/need of the nuts.  The more you know the less you know?  Almost.

A bit of snow.  Not sure if I need to shovel, or throw salt.  I don't think the lawn tractor plow is at all practical, too little for that.  We either need more snow or a lot of rain this spring.  We haven't received much this year, more like a light Iowa snow year, so far.  No complaint, just the facts.  Odd how, no matter our worries, things do work out.  The worst is we choose to fail if we become inflexible.  Failing is rarely the end, unless we force it, but an opportunity at something new.  It took me a very long time to... seek a path my body could handle, if the government was working against their own designs... and still are.

Social Security and other benefits are for Americans, not foreigners, not unions.

Anyway, I best get going, get some things done.  Later.

A strange lot?

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A few stood out.

Food experimentation.

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Baked broccoli? It's going as I write.  It isn't something I have made, or to my knowledge had before.  I will try nutritional yeast on a sample.  If that doesn't suit, I'll use an Italian cheese blend.  As well, I am baking daikon radishes, sliced as one would a potato, with a bit of avocado oil, butter, salt, and pepper.  I want to taste these foods as plain as possible.  That is how I learn to know what might go with them, in the dish or beside it.  I plan on adding cheddar to those.

My blood sugar went down to 163, for no good reason.  I have eaten, several times, and consumed regular amounts of tea.  I'll take it.  I suppose I don't have to understand.  Blood pressure is very high, I missed medicine this morning, if that couldn't be the only problem.

I received and used the oral irrigator today, after my first brushing.  Salt and baking powder in solution, then a few drops of iodine.  I need a lot less of the settled solution. Perhaps a cup, maybe two.  I just didn't know up front.  The plan is to use it, with iodine, twice a day for two weeks, then once a week... barring problems.  Yes, it darkens teeth, wherever plaque or roots show.  I will get over that.

Dinner was served.  Great?  No.  But not bad.  I liked the daikon radish ogrotten best. It isn't a potato twin, more just it's own thing.  I liked it both ways.  The broccoli was better with the nutritional yeast, but would be better with cheddar or various other cheeses like cheddar.  But this is a reasonable side dish as is.  I'll finish the last of the broccoli.  There wasn't all that much, so I may have a cup of assorted nuts as well.

Later.

Wasn't sure.

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Back to bed at 4:00.  No clue when I would wake.  So far it looks like 10:30... assuming I am able to remain conscious.

A shower, perhaps some cleaning in there first.  Then I will think about things.  I am not exactly sure what all is wrong, I just know I am exhausted without reason, beyond reason, and even with right eating, reasonably good sleep, and medicine back on very good schedule, my stats are remaining awful.  Fasting, starting Saturday, is the last weapon in my inventory.  I will give it a couple shots before looking elsewhere.

Perhaps the new stuff I am trying isn't as compatible with keto as advertised.  Or is good, generally, only not for those with insulin resistance?  Most who try keto aren't coming at it with diabetes.  I will have to start weighing my foods, looking at exact macros, figuring out if fiber can be counted against carbs, at all, for me or not.  I won't be limiting, just weighing and logging.  I have been watching, guestimating, but that isn't good enough.

The thing either on my side, or against me, is my size.  I really am required, if not double at least nearing that number of calories over standard recommendations.  This includes macros?  If 20 carbs are generally good, I'm better at 30 to 40.  Though the ratio of that being 5 %  of total calories is more important.  Unless... 20 is 20 is 20?

I also need to keep intermittent fasting on track.  That has been troubling lately.  I can't focus, keep in sync.  It isn't that I am too cold.  This year, for the first in a long time, I am dressing warmly.  Socks, two pair if needed, long underwear and pants or pj's, at least a shirt, sometimes another shirt a sweater or a jacket, keeping the furnace right for sleeping then waking.  It's not perfect, but this is the best year I can remember.  It isn't helping, or as much as I had hoped.  But I know the cold can shut me down, but that isn't it.

Hmm... though part of the reason for better dressing is because I go out at least daily for the ducks.  I believed that would be good fot me.  I think it is.  Just noting one difference this year.  Yes, tending creatures, and going out in the weather, are very good for you.  It might limit, complicate, humilitate, but... these are all goods, as I see things.  Probably got me over the severe flu quicker this year, if I had to bet.

Hmm, the flu may still be a part of it.  Something that rough may just have gotten to me too deeply.  Though, maybe not.  Why bother looking?  I want to get better, and believe it is possible.  I refuse to quit, even if I can barely stand long enough to shower. I will not stop contemplating, acting on possibilities when able.  Ugh, though.  Later.

Not as planned.

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Down to plan C, or D?  Nothing is quite working out.  The initial plan was to sleep later at night.  Couldn't do much.  Crashed anyway.  At just after 18:00 I lost control, had to sleep.  The plan, then, was to sleep the night.  Nope.  Sirens?  I definitely heard them a couple times while awake.  That might have awaken me.  No problem, just not sure.  Perhaps it was merely going to bed too early.

All good.  I woke hungry.  Daikon radish slices and then pistachios.  Still hungry, thinking of fatted tea, maybe something else... baked broccoli?  Meat sounds better, I just don't want that much fuss.  Baked broccoli is probably to much.  Maybe chia pudding?  That stuff isn't bad... adding a cup of mixed nuts and seeds really turns it into a far superior cereal replacement.  The only negative is that it takes an hour to soak.  I have heard it can be prepared ahead, stored in an airtight container overnight, but I'm not sure.  Soaking some now, might as well.

I am not sure why blood sugar isn't falling.  Then again, I think multiday fasting, and several episodes of it close together has been required.  I am planning Saturday thrugh Monday or Tuesday.  I'll have meats and veggies gone by then.  No ketonics either, just tea, plain.  After that, I may hit a fat fast... essentially half my normal calories but at as close to, or over if possible, 90% fat.  A few days of that then back to standard keto, 60~70 % fat, 35~25 % protein, and 5 % carbs (or less).

Later, or good night.

Snow.

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Down after 4:00, up at noon.  I woke at about 8:30, if I had to guess.  Someone in the house.  I couldn't be absolutely sure, if I do believe so.  Maybe they needed the extension cord for the compressor, as the lawn tractor front right tire was down... again.  I really ought to see about taking that off, getting it in and repaired.  Worth a shot, if I could get to it.

I wasn't really able to wake until noon thirty.  Ducks have been fed and watered.  And the snow has been removed, I think by the brothers.  I think I called out.  No response but they did hear me.  No worries.  I can sort of tell things, heard them talking a bit, heard my name and the snow machine and probably the compressor.

I'm in rough shape.  Mostly just exhaustion.  Bp and blood sugar are elevated in spite of limited good food and taking medicine.  I'll... keep at it.  I need to do shopping soon, again.  I have a list ready, mostly.  I'll keep at it... pushing even if I don't seem to be getting anywhere.  Later.

Yeah, well, I'm... trying.

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I am getting to things.  Small things, and slowly.

I am starting to get to things.  Checking on the ducks several times.  Some cleaning.  Getting trash bins reset, while collecting trash and recycling, plus doing work in the bathroom.  As well as creating a list for my next shopping trip and thinking of ways to try jicama and daikan radishes as potato replacement, hoping I can do something like scalloped mock potatoes.  I'm... afraid.  A lot of work down the drain if the dish ends up inedible.

Hmm? Well...

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Down late, up late.  Not preferred but at least it makes sense.  A longer, twelve hour, sleep.  But it was good, needed, and restful.  I wake without aches, pains, grogginess, and in fair to better conditions.  Blood sugar remains just above the line.  Ugh.  I don't know about blood pressure, I like to wait an hour after meds before checking that.

The ducks were fed and watered.  I have broken two of the four bins, but these are holding up better than the other kind by weeks.  As well, I pushed the limits on the last one.  A little easier handling would have spared it.  I am amazed how well these do last.

I may buy a few more next time I am in.  In the summer I have a bigger one.  Once a fence is up, I'll just keep that full, plus see about one of these bins on the side.  Less fighting over use.  Perhaps a bigger pool though, instead?

As well, I do believe if I can get one of the hens to go broody I will let her have a batch.  The trick is, I may have to separate the mother and hatchlings, or the other ducks may kill the little ones.  I'm not absolutely sure, may depend on breed.  A separate 'yard' shouldn't be too difficult.  And I have materials for a small private hutch, as well as enough fencing materials... probably.  I need more ducks, and perhaps my source for these could use some.  I wonder if they bear about equal numbers by sex?  Strange, given that one drake needs several hens... perhaps to offer options, a hierarchy, and backup if all else fails?  Learning as I go.

Oh, the man who had the heart attack is doing better.  He is in rehab, but on the way out.  Bet he didn't see rehab in his future!  I got to speak with him.  Actually aimed for that.  Missed the first time I called my mother, caught the right time the second time I called... and she could answer.  Yeah, I am tricky that way.

Hmm?  Later.